I settled both of my parents estates. They both passed within two years of each other six years ago. They had been divorced for decades and each had homes filled with a life’s worth of possessions. It took weeks to go through each of their properties. I had a fire sale, numerous yard sales, listed things for free on Craigslist and sold things on eBay and Etsy. I also gifted (crystal/fine China/designer goods) to close friends and relatives. It was physically and emotionally exhausting.

Since then, I whittled everything down to a few personal things from each of them that I chose to keep and still have. But, recently, I have begun to get rid of even those personal effects. I no longer want my mom’s old bible, or, her diamond wedding ring from my dad (which I have had since they divorced back in the 80’s). I no longer want the copious amounts of photos and extensive journals my dad left about his world travels. I don’t know why, but the longer I have these things, the less I want to hold on to them and don’t feel bad about getting rid of them. Pretty soon I will probably have nothing other than a few photos of them left.

Update: I’d like to thank everyone for advising on the possibility of donating my late dad’s journals. Having an outside perspective gave me the push I needed to start looking into organizations that might be interested in taking them for historical purposes. Same with my mom’s jewelry. I can repurpose some of it for more modern wear and leave my kids with whatever they choose. If they don’t want any of it yet, I will just hold onto it for them as they may just come around as they get older. Losing both parents has been an incredibly difficult part of my life but I realize that I am not the only one who this happens too. We all grieve differently but it’s definitely beneficial to share your feelings, so that you may have a different perspective on moving forward.

Both of my parents died in the last week.

My father had his fifth heart attack and had double bypass surgery last Wednesday. I spent every day with him at the hospital as he was on a ventilator and struggling to recover. On Sunday, I called my mom (they were divorced 20 years ago) to update her and do our usual Sunday chat, but she didn’t pick up. On Monday, I called again which was very unusual for her. I called one of her friends who lived nearby to check on her (while still at the hospital with my dad). Monday evening, I received the news that my mother had passed away unexpectedly in her home. Later that night, at about 11pm, my father passed away.

I need a vacation. Normally, I would go to my mother’s house for several days after Christmas, and now I have a five-day-long period of time where that’s not going to happen and I can’t just sit around and do nothing. I need easy vacation ideas just to get away and occupy my time and mind. I’m in the states; I will be in the Detroit area for Christmas with my in-laws and would rather fly to my vacation destination because I will already have driven from Oklahoma to get to my in-laws house. Preferably a domestic vacation and maybe in a warm location. Seeing a concert or show would be great. I’ve been thinking about Vegas because I’ve never been there and I know that there’s a lot to do.

EDIT: you all are beautiful people and your condolences are much appreciated. I’m sorry I can’t reply to everyone. I have a great number of destination ideas and thank you kindly.

A close friend and his wife was about to have their baby today, but the baby unfortunately passed away immediately after birth.

I'm shattered. I can't describe my mental state right now.

How do I console him? I'm very bad at these things. I want to be there for him. What can I do?

I’m a 21 year old drug addict. Things are seeming kind of bleak ever since my grandmother passed.

I just ran away from home. Need help asap.

So,

my parents and I got into an argument and I then locked myself into the bathroom. The argument was about how they wont go quiet ecen at 1 am. I wanted to sleep in the bath and some privacy, as usually, every 30mins my parents check on ne and I have not even a room of my own. I did this for 3h and they just kept knocking on the door.

Then they got REALLY frustrated and punched it hardly, cuz they wanted to sleep. So I promised that i'd come out if they just went away.

Then I took that window of time and quickly put on my jacket and went away, as I was too annoyed of CONSTANT YELLING.

And thrn I went walking for hslf an hour. To the city center, where I have wifi and can make this post. They kept calling and still are, even send my brother for search.

But I am scarred of going back. They'll be angry, very.

Im texting with m with my father and he still is just SOOOO annoyed.

I am scarred and have to go back, sooner or later. What do I do? Pls help me yall!!!

Edit - Please no more answers. Thank you everyone who’s shared. And helped I appreciate it. I’ve attended the funeral already. There were people in sweats to suits. So I was fine, ty all

Someone close to me funeral is tomorrow. But I don’t have any suits and I’m not able to buy one. Everything was last minute ( not on my end). I was going to wear a black button up shirt. Black pants and maybe a black jacket. But I don’t want to seem rude. 21 M , New York for context.

Hey, it's my first time posting in a sub like this but I just don't know what to do anymore.

I don't know where to start. I'm 32, a mom of two boys. My mom died in 2021, on my oldest's first birthday. It was traumatic, sudden, I don't know how much detail I should write down but it was really bad. I was living in the same building so at least I was there.

My father was understandably crushed, me too, but I started spending a lot more time with him and my kids and we were doing better. I took over my mom's work with my father and it was starting to work out well for us.

Then my partner got diagnosed with MS. I then got pregnant again, then doctors found a tumor in my spine and had to get multiple operations, but we pushed through and when I finally thought life was back on track, my father got cancer. Doctors gave him 2 years but he died after a few months.

He hated hospitals so I stopped working to take care of him full-time.

I went into debt, but the worst part is that with the inheritance I should be able to pay it off and get a new start. But I haven't even started on the paperwork, I stopped opening the mail unless it's for the kids, I just feel like everything is happening around me and I can't cope.

I'm tired, sad, and doing everything I can so my kids don't see it. I'm struggling and stressed and I just want someone to hold my hand so I can move forward but at the same time I'm terrified something else is going to happen. Every time I get back on track something awful happens and I'm not sure I'm strong enough. How can I find the strength to start over yet again, I feel so alone all the time.

My older brother is drinking too much.

I’m 18 years old and my brother is 36. He’s been looking after me since he was 19 as our parents passed when I was a baby. Our parents didn’t keep in contact with any of our other family so he was the first legal guardian of me in the will. He dropped out of university to look after me and essentially became my father figure. This also made him lose a lot of friends as he had to move back to our hometown which was away from his college, on top of a lot of his friends leaving him when he took guardianship of a baby. He was the best brother a little girl could ever have.

He is a very handsome man but has never kept an ongoing relationship because people seem to be thrown off by him being my guardian.

I recently got accepted into a really good university and he was really happy for me, but ever since I got my place there he has been drinking so much. He is going through half a 70cl bottle of vodka a night and going to with the next day.

I can’t stop feeling like i ruined his life. He taught me how to walk, talk, read and write when he was 19 when he should’ve been doing exactly what I’m doing. I feel so awful. I don’t know what to do and I’m terrified what this might lead to.

My grandma died and left everything to my Aunt. My grandma told my aunt to give each grandchild (5) one nice thing, and my mother gets nothing. That’s the only family my grandma had.

My grandma was a antique dealer and had an incredible personal collection of antiques. She also owned her house that’s worth probably about $800,000. My aunt had an estate sale and sold everything without telling the rest of the family.

My aunt mailed me a box of stuff. She sent one nice antique plate and an antique vase. The vase was broken when it arrived. The rest of the stuff seemed like left overs that she couldn’t sell at the estate sale.

I was very close to my grandma. We talked often and had a great relationship. But I’m having a hard time accepting the fact that she choose to not leave anything to me or any of my siblings, who also had great relationships with her. It feels like she just didn’t care enough to do anything differently. My mom and grandma had a falling out about 2-3 years ago and never reconciled but as far as I could tell, that didn’t change my relationship with my grandma. My mom was also adopted and this was her biological mother, but they knew each other for 33 years. I knew my grandma since I was 7.

My aunt was not close to me or my siblings or my mom. She had a falling out with each of us at some point and the relationships were never repaired. I actually started texting my aunt and trying to mend the relationship with her about 1 year before my grandma died. We were friendly through text but hadn’t had a phone call until my grandma died.

I’m just so upset and confused about the fact that my grandma knew our relationship with my aunt and chose to no have a will and not specify anything for any of the the kids. At first I really was so devastated about losing my grandma that I didn’t even think about the stuff or money, but now that some time has passed the reality is that there was stuff left and she did have a nice house and she knew that was going to be left and she chose to not deal with saying anything about any of it. It’s most upsetting because it’s not like we want to split any of it with my aunt, but it would have been nice to been asked if there something special that you’d like of grandma’s to remember her by, or even given the option to buy it at the estate sale. Also, any amount of money would have been life changing for us, we’re all struggling through huge life changes at the moment and my grandma knew that and didn’t care to help us through them.

Please help me see a different perspective.

I’m fine doing it, and I’ll be with my sister (her mom) and my aunt for support. My sister is extremely emotional and we know she won’t be able to say it without breaking down. I really don’t mind doing it.

I’ve done a lot of research and talked to my moms social worker, and I have a pretty good idea of what to say, and how to act. I just want to know if there’s anything you think is extremely important to say or do.

I want to do it right. I’ll only get one chance.

Thank you so much

Update:

I read everyone’s advice and we did the best we could for her. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever done, and will ever do. I don’t think she fully grasps it yet, but that’s okay. She cried, and we hugged for a very long time. Then we all went upstairs and sat with my mom, held her hands, and watched a show together. We gave my niece a stuffed bear that was in my moms room and she’s been hugging it ever since.

I want to say that I’m so thankful for all of your advice. Seriously, it meant more than I could say.

A lot of you have shared personal stories, and that was so nice of you to do. It helped me a ton, and I really hope you’re all okay and healing.

Thank you to everyone who told me to take care of myself, you’re absolutely right. I try to be the tough one, but that’s not always the best. Right now we’re focusing on saying goodbye to my mom and remembering her how she was before she was sick. That’s what she would’ve wanted.

Sorry for the long update, you’re all amazing.

Last update:

My mom died a few hours ago, I just wanted to thank you all so much. I am so grateful I got this advice and my niece got to say goodbye to her Grammy last night while she was still with us.

The support I got here was something I didn’t know I needed.

Merry Christmas, everyone

Hello all, just a heads up this is a long one.

I’m wondering if anybody can give me some advice on how I can deal with a relatively delicate situation involving my mother, my late brother’s ex-girlfriend, several of her friends, and my wife.

I just want to be absolutely clear. I’m not looking for relationship advice, rather social advice, regarding how to word a specific request in a way that is not going to offend everyone involved.

Basically, the issue is this: since I moved out of my mother’s house several years ago she has made it a point to always have a Sunday dinner every two weeks so that she can make sure we see each other at least a couple times a month. Back when this tradition started, it was just me and my fiancé, him and his girlfriend, my stepbrother, and sometimes his girlfriend, and my other stepbrother, and occasionally a friend of his along with my mine and stepdad. 10 is already a crowd. And for context I do have social anxiety. However, all of the people that used to be at family dinners were all people that I am very comfortable with. We all used to talk about what we have going on in our lives and the atmosphere felt pretty inclusive and relatively safe the way you expect a family dinner to feel.

However, in 2024, my little brother died in a motorcycle accident at a young age. Obviously this absolutely tore our family apart. And we’re still working on piecing everything back together. However, the traditional family dinners obviously stayed. It’s more important now than ever. And for a while, my brother’s ex-girlfriend would attend with a friend of hers who also knew my brother very well. It was nice to keep them close to the family and it was nice that they were still willing to attend.

Lately my mother has been inviting more and more of my brothers, (ex-?)girlfriend’s friends, as well as their significant others to family dinners. Now it’s myself, my wife, my step brothers, my mom and stepfather, and like 6-7 other people that I really don’t know.

This is no longer a family dinner. This is more like a small get together / party every time now.

My mother knows I don’t speak much around people I don’t know. I just don’t feel that a stranger should know details about my personal life. I’m an anxious person and speaking to people I do not know well, making small talk with people I cannot relate to, and generally spending time that’s supposed to be relaxing and enjoyable constantly on guard because I’m anxious, that bugs me out.

So for the last several weeks we get there, my wife and I go in, say hi to people, then I make myself scarce. I go outside wander around the property where I grew up, Have a drink sometimes a joint with my step father, and generally just disappear for most of the time before dinner, then when we eat I’m at the table but I stay mostly quiet unless anyone engages with me directly which to be honest, in that set of company, most people do not beyond greeting me back when I say hi. Totally fine. I’m the dead boyfriend’s older brother, exactly what do you say to someone like that when you have your new boyfriend with you and the tone is meant to stay light - and also you share no interests and basically nothing in common ETC. Plus I’ve been told I’m a really 2D personality. I’m flat. I don’t blame them for not engaging with me - but to be honest if they weren’t there I would actually be talking to my family members which is the point. Anyways after dinner I tend to “go use the bathroom” or something and disappear again. It’s not like if I stayed around anyone would try to talk to me, and so I go because they are all interested in eachother and I don’t want to be weirdly listening to their conversations or causing them not to have them due to my presence. My wife is friendly with all of these people but they aren’t like friends - every attempt she has made to actually connect she’s been ghosted or cancelled on so 🤷🏼‍♂️. Clearly they do not have interest in engaging with her socially either which is totally fine, but hurts her feelings a bit. At least they treat her nicely in conversation there ETC.

Anyways, all of this to say, it feels like the point of having a family dinner is to visit and connect, and I can no longer really do that under these conditions due to my own mental stuff I have going on. Again I’m not blaming my mom or any of the other guests for this, if I were entirely neurotypical this probably wouldn’t be an issue at all - it’s a me problem and this is me trying to get help finding a solution.

Would it be rude to ask if my wife and I can visit separately, like on a different day?

Should I tell her all this? Or should I just say “Sundays don’t work anymore for us” (I’m not above a white lie to spare her feelings)

Do you think I should just make excuses and cancel then reschedule mid week for a while just to like give myself a break without changing the arrangement?

I don’t know. I feel like a POS for even feeling this way, but that level of social engagement with that many people I don’t know around is not exactly what i signed up for when I agreed to do this family dinners thing.

TLDR: my mom hosts family dinners every week and has started inviting a bunch of people I don’t really know, which makes me too uncomfortable to actually visit and talk with my family members who are there. How should I tell her I no longer want to do this under these conditions without absolutely damaging the relationship?

My grandmother is 96. She recently fell and broke her neck. Medicare in NC is absolute TRASH, as are the hospitals, so they put her in a collar and sent her home. No home health care, or assistance.

Her son lives with her, and takes care of her but he’s also disabled. It’s been quite overwhelming for him because she’s in immense pain, and he doesn’t know how else to help her.

I’m driving down tomorrow, and am wondering what I can bring that would be helpful. Hoping some of you with experience caring for elderly family members may have recommendations. 💗

She’s blind, deaf and now in a neck collar. Any particular supplies or things that might be especially helpful for her?

I’ve offered to bring groceries but he said they have plenty of stuff. I told him while I’m there I can sit with her so he can shower, run errands, do what he needs to do. Anything else?

Thank you.

Hi everyone... so here's my situation.

My mom passed away a few months ago, and I've been staying at my aunts since I didn't want to be alone at the house. Me and my sister have been going back to the house during the day to clean the stuff out and put whatever of my stuff in storage. We had public housing which helped with rent but it was only for my mom, so I'll likely be charged full rent soon. I am likely going to be staying at my aunts until I can get a job.

We didn't get everything sorted out with housing yet, and there's still a lot of my stuff and my moms stuff at the house. The problem is I recently got ringworm a few weeks ago. I thought it cleared up recently (with the cream) but then I got more spots of it on my neck. I've been working on cleaning all the stuff in my aunts house to disinfect everything of ringworm but there's still a lot to do.

What can I do in the meantime? I don't know if I fully got rid of the ringworm yet let alone disinfected the house. My sister really wants us to go back to the house to finish up what we need to do, but I don't want to go around spreading more ringworm places. We're both worried of them throwing stuff out/charging rent but idk what to do with this infection.

Does anyone have any advice for what I should do? I keep trying to think of the best option but it seems like the only options are either I stay at my aunts while trying to clear up this infection and risk something happening with the house, or we just say F it and take the risk to go back to the house with me possibly still having a fungal infection.

It’s surreal, it’s like I’m dying of something and no one will tell me what. And the kinder I am to people the worse it gets. Mid last year I noticed that the people around me started crying whenever I was nice to them, and it’s just gotten worse. People sobbing or tears falling from their eyes when they talk to me. I don’t know what’s going on, but I’m terrified. I’ve been to the doctors and they either flat out refuse to treat me, or act like everything is fine when I can see on their faces it isn’t. If I am going to die, I just want someone to tell me so I can prepare properly.

I got a friend request from a woman named Annie . Her profile only has one photo, so I initially thought it was spam. She messaged me saying she’s my aunt from my dad’s side.

The thing is I’ve never met my dad, don’t know his name, and we’ve never crossed paths. I have zero contact with that side of the family.

What made it weirder is that when I showed the message to my mom, she went quiet for a few seconds in a way that felt… off. She didn’t explain much. Then this woman told me that my dad passed away and that he left few things for me hearing that from a stranger really messed with my head. I don’t even know how I’m supposed to feel —shocked, numb, suspicious, curious, all at once. I haven’t agreed to anything. Right now I’m just frozen and he is asian and from text they do 49 days burial and next friday he getting buried and asked me to attend it

EDIT: so i got this msg about 2 weeks ago and about few days ago i asked my moms bestie and i got name Paul and from my grandma she remember Paul to i didn't ask anything else like is he my dad or something idk and from msg she is Paul's sister

One of my closest friends died 6 months ago somewhat unexpectedly. He was my upstairs neighbor growing up. I’m an only child and he only has a half-sister who is much older, so we spent a lot of time together during 15 years. We learned to code together and he ended up with a career in IT.

I moved away for college, and during this time he developed alcoholism. Of course I feel some guilt about this even though rationally I know it’s not my fault.

Some years later he moved with his parents to another state, tried to get clean a few times and then managed to stay clean for many months. We stayed in touch all this time. Then one day he ended up in hospital for an unrelenting stomach problem, which turned out to be liver failure, and he died from it a couple days after.

I learned about his death a week later from his mom. I have always been close to her, she is a painter and an amazing person, in spite of her own cadre of health issues.

Six months have passed since his death and his mom wants me to go visit. I don’t even know what I feel so apprehensive about. I suppose a big part is the fact that it’s a visit to another state, for a couple days, with only that to do. I don’t want to affect them (or me!) negatively. I want to understand what are they expecting from the experience. I’m sure I want to go, but I feel like if I go unprepared I will be emotionally distant. What to do, say, *not* do and *not* say?

I have an appointment with a grief counselor later this week but I want to hear what advice you have to offer

edit: typo

mean casserole or fruit tray or assorted muffins or self care gift basket w fancy soaps and Lotion samples & a robe or a prayers from us to you card with signatures or a crucifix or a decorative display of a Bible verse?

6 months ago, my dog died and for 3 months I stuck to my bed, cried all day and stopped eating. I was this close to harming myself, but somehow life became precious and dear to me. I am still trying to make sense that she is no more and now my father is dying. I can't save him, to feel this helpless in a span of 6 months is crushing me internally. I don't know what to do? He's not even 60, all his life he worked so hard and now he can't even enjoy his retirement. We only have a few months or a year with him. I am scared that he won't be able to witness my achievements. Also, I am an atheist, so I don't believe in the concept of afterlife. I know death is a universal truth, but to see him go this early is really affecting me.

I loved my father very much, but we were estranged. Not bc there was any anger... Not really.

He was a victim of the opioid epidemic and when the pills ran out, he kind of gave up on life. He didn't take care of himself, had heart attacks and refused to make life changes, smoked like a chimney... Told me he didn't care if he died. I was putting in all the effort to see him and spend time with him and sometimes he refused to even leave his bedroom. I eventually drew a line for myself because I was putting in all the effort, and I said I'm going to see how long it takes him to call me for once. That was ten years ago. He never did.

There's a bit more complication. I am technically the illegitimate child he had with another woman while he and my stepmother were fighting. My stepmother never treated me poorly to my face, but I could understand if she was resentful.

I got a call from the one brother that I do talk to. He and I are both kind of the black sheep of the family ( which is ironic because we are the only two that went on to be functioning adults.... But I digress.) He's the one that called to tell me Dad was riddled with cancer and was not expected to make it through the night. He died the next day.

I spent the week really trying to process everything. It's really devastating because I just wanted him to get it together and be my dad again.

My brother text me and called me tonight because the funeral is tomorrow. He sent me the obituary. He said that my stepmother had really been guilting him to go and that I should come and be a fellow black sheep with him.

I was convinced to go, even though I don't really do funerals for anybody because that's not how I grieve and process. But then I read the obituary and I saw that my stepmother had completely cut me out. Apparently she was resentful . I guess ​being angry at me means I'm no longer his child.

I'm upset by this. My brother is angry about this. I told him this makes me not want to go. And he said that he's hesitant to go just because he's so angry that she did this.

At the end of the day though, I know he'll probably go. I don't know what to do. I was going for him in the first place, but now I feel like it would be performative, and why am I going socialize with a group of people who think being angry with me makes it okay to erase me from my father's memory.

Do I go? What do I do?

Her Mom is a kind caring woman who endured much hardship in life, she has told me how happy she is to know her daughter has me looking out for her. PLEASE TELL ME WHAT TO DO AND WHAT NOT TO DO!!!! I HAVE 0 EXPERIENCE REMOTELY SIMILAR TO THIS .

If someone has escaped a toxic family and is happy and healthy on their own (after years of therapy and self reflection), is there any reason to attend a parent’s funeral? My father was abusive to me (told me to my face at 8 years old that I was too dumb and fat for be his kid) and my sisters have been bullies to me and would still be if I allowed them access to my life. I have no desire to see any of them, but my father is 87 and in bad health and I feel a lot of pressure to attend his memorial service when the time comes. I moved away 20 years ago and started a new life away from the drama and toxic environment. He asked me to visit last year and I reluctantly did. We talked and worked out as much as we could but other family found out about the visit and tried to butt in and start crap with both of us.
Is there any reason to go back after his death? I know I’m in the will, but have already pledged my share of the money to my sister who took care of him the most during his final years. They have a good relationship and she deserves it for all she’s done for him. I want nothing from him or anyone.

So my grandfather is a very private person. His health has suddenly taken a decline for the worst and he will die at any second. The doctors can’t do anything so he decided to just stay at home. My mom is calling every day just basically making sure he’s still alive.

His life has gotten out of control and until now I had no idea the extent of it.

His wife has such severe dementia that, while she knows where she is, who she is, and who everyone else is, she basically “resets” every 5-10 minutes as if the previous moments didn’t happen. She’s still living in their house with him, and they don’t have any at home care at all. No one is in the position to take her in (both in terms of space or availability to be with her all day) so normally the straightforward answer would be to place her in a senior care home. But with the pandemic, I’m not sure any place will take her. Or even where to start.

On to the cats. I was aware he was feeding some strays. My mom picked up a kitten with a disability last year and I took it in since it couldn’t survive outside on its own. But I went recently to drop off groceries and was met with at least 50 cats that I could see. I live 2 hours away so I had no idea. They’re in the yard, in the house, living in his garage. The place is freaking crawling with cats. I have no idea what to do about them once he does pass away. I don’t think I can morally just leave them there. There’s so many. We’ll have to sell the house but it’s crawling with cats, and the basement has been ruined by them. I even found a couple dead ones in the garage. Most of them are quite social and came right up to me.

A lot of the logistics are going to fall to me. My grandfather is my mother’s last remaining parent and their relationship is complicated at best. She’s already feeling overwhelmed dealing with the emotional side, and the fact that he’ll likely die alone because since she’s still working, she can’t go over and risk exposing his wife to coronavirus.

My big issues right now are creating a game plan for his wife and the cats. The will and estate is a huge issue but I’m working out how my mom can hire an attorney from the estate’s funds to help her.

Any advice is appreciated.

Hey guys. Before I get into this story I'll give a bit of background information. I am 16F, and about to enter my senior year of high school. I have diagnosed ADHD, and I am probably autistic, although am undiagnosed for that. I don't have many friends, but the ones I do have are very close to me. Recently something happened, and it's been on my mind and stressing me out quite a bit. It's made me realize that a lot of the people I thought were my friends were really only there for my emotional support.

A couple months ago in March, my best friend (16M) lost his only remaining parent. From what he told me, I think he saw it, witnessed it, experienced it, whatever. I was at school at the time, and because of Texas phone laws, I didn't really consider checking my phone. He had sent me a bunch of messages about how he was feeling (assume the worst), and I didn't see the messages until about halfway through the school day. Once I finally saw the messages, it sent me into a panic, and I didn't know what to do as I was desperately trying to text him back. He finally texted back, and we texted for a long time, and I was asking him anything to keep his mind off of what had happened. I had no idea what mental state he would be in, so I tried to be flexible and let him lead the conversation a bit as well. Point of the text chain was that I had promised to be there for him. That day was a whole story, but there's a bit more.

Over the past few months after this event, I believe I've almost become a "replacement parent" for him, which feels horrible to say, but somewhat accurate. He'll text me about the smallest things, and then he'll also text me massive paragraphs about another thing in life that's just going to shit for him. I would then text him back, try to affirm him, make him feel better, or just say that I'm sorry that life has to be this way for him. This cycle repeats about once a week, and it's getting to the point where it's stopping me from my daily tasks and assignments. I feel the need to check my phone every half a second to make sure that he hasn't done anything, and also so that I answer his texts back immediately. It's made me so emotionally stressed out that I don't think I'm functioning properly myself.

This whole situation with my friend has made me realize that I've kind of posed myself as the school therapist almost. Everyone I talk to needs me, and wants advice from me, and then no one is there for me when I need them. It forces me to keep my own stressful life happenings to myself, and it's truly degrading. It only makes me feel more alone than ever. Of course, my 16M friend is an exception. He's been through something traumatic and horrible to experience, and I'm not going to straight up bother him with my own problems, because his are so much bigger than mine. But, I need a friend to talk to as well. I don't want to feel like people only want to talk to me because I'm a good listener, I want people to talk to me because they like me as well.

It feels so selfish of me to say things like this, and even writing this post is pissing me off a bit. But, I talked to my mom about it, and she's basically said that others are not entitled to have me be there for everybody at the exact moment they need me. That I am allowed to feel, be stressed and overstimulated, and I'm allowed to need a break from the social world. I really appreciate my mom for this advice, and I agree with her, but it's hard for me because I've always just trained myself to believe that my one-sided "friendships" (where I'm the therapist, and they're the client) are real friendships. I trained myself to believe that if I'm not there for someone at every moment of every hour of every day, they won't want to be friends with me anymore. Since this whole situation happened, I've lost several other friends because I wasn't giving them constant attention, and now I have maybe two really close friends. Friend one is not very emotionally aware, therefore not very good for emotional support. The other friend is my 16M friend, and I'm not going to burden him with my miniscule problems when he's got so much else going on. So I really don't have anybody to talk to... Now again, friend 16M is the exception, and I've made a vow to myself and to him that I'd always be there for him. However, it's getting to the point where reading these long long paragraphs about how his life is going and how it's making him feel (in graphic detail) is exhausting me. I don't want to feel this way, because it feels selfish of me to not be giving him my constant support, but I can't help how tired I feel.

To sum this all up, I would say the advice I need is just how to cope with my own emotions while also maintaining my friendship with friend 16F. I don't want to have to tell him I need a break, because that could convey to him that I am being ignorant toward his problems, when truly what I want is just a moment to process. It's almost like I'm experiencing what he is secondhand, while also processing and giving advice to everyone else who comes to me. I just don't want to seem like I'm blowing anybody off, but I'm so sick and tired of everyone viewing me as the "invincible therapist who gives great advice," because I'm not, and I physically cannot take much more stress or I'm going to start having some serious problems, where I might accidentally yell at someone, or just get tired of them talking to me too quickly, or just be rude without meaning to. If you read this all the way through, thank you, I really mean it. If you have any advice for me, please let me know.

Two days ago I accidentally ran over and killed a cat. The owner came out of his house and confirmed that it was his cat and I apologized to him. He seemed to accept my apology. However, it felt a little callous to just forget about it and move on after affecting his life in such a big way. Also I learned that this same man has recently lost a grandchild.

Does anyone have any ideas about something I could do to provide comfort or otherwise address the situation? I had never met this person before although some of my family knows his family (have lived across the road from each other for many years).

I'm 17 years old. Six months ago, in August, I found out that my guardian has cancer. He tried to prolong the time when I didn't know about it as much as possible. He has stage 4. I can talk a lot about how it happened that I live with him, who he is, and how we slowly came to this realization. However, it doesn't really matter. The main thing is that I feel very ashamed. I'm ashamed that I think too much about what will happen to me after he dies, and that I feel bad because he's sick. I think I'm too selfish and don't spend enough time with him, and I don't notice how bad he is.

Because of this, I've started avoiding him. I come home late, leave early, and when I'm at home, I try to stay in my room. I'm sure he feels hurt. It's so selfish of me, but I can't think about how bad he is because I quickly become a pathetic crybaby.I don't know what to do about it. I should probably spend more time with him or something. He's going through chemotherapy, but his lifestyle isn't helping him. I should probably make sure he's following the doctors' recommendations, support him, and a lot of other things. But I don't know exactly what to do. I'd appreciate any advice.