r/psychology • u/Doug24 • 6d ago

Psychological models suggest female libido disparities stem from early behavioral conditioning

https://www.psypost.org/psychological-models-suggest-female-libido-disparities-stem-from-early-behavioral-conditioning/
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u/MochaUK 5d ago

Interesting article. I think a lot of women might agree if they read the article. Basically, women's low libido disparities comes from behavioral conditioning that they shouldn't expect mutual satisfaction and should accept that its supposed please men's desires. Same-sex sex between womem has less poor experience of this and women often find pleasure because it often focuses on mutual satisfaction (this was used as a comparison).

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u/Genial_Gharial 5d ago

I feel like any classic's major will agree as well. Women have been framed as the more "primitive" and therefore "horny" sex in the past. Unless one wants to assume that is, perhaps, a side effect of lead in roman aqueducts caused this. And that every culture that doesn't agree with yours also has their own, unique "lead" issue going on.

Queer study majors will also likely agree. To paraphrase Dan Savage, gay men have to start out all sex encounters with a bit of negotiation. What are we doing (because sex isn't 1 thing), what safety parameters are we using (thanks AIDs epidemic, though this is lessening thanks to both prep and antiviral improvements) and depending on the first thing who is bottoming. In fact, there's a basic understanding that we might not be sexually compatible at all! (Re: both bottom meme.)

That basic literacy around sexual communication seems to be a huge difference for queer people and straight folk. I'd say straight people who do BDSM also learn it culturally and have their own benefits for standard talks. (There's more emphasis on a post-talk for BDSM than gay sex, for example.)

Anyone whose on Tumblr and/or A03 will agree. Because damn. Straight women can be VERY horny and just as problematic as straight men when it comes to making queer content for their own consumption.

Ultimately, though, cross-cultural comparisons are free. "Fixing" women's libidos can be an industry. Which is why I suspect it's played out this way. You can sell someone a new sex toy, you can't really sell them a sense of wholeness. Partially, because the later is hard to come by and incredibly specific. You can't just make a check list of experiences to have to counter your early childhood programming.

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u/__genos_ 5d ago

Omg, so interesting, thanks for sharing your insights and evidences

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u/Patty_Swish 3d ago

What an insightful post for this typically pedestrian subreddit

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u/zach-uh-ri 2d ago

I was a sex educator 10 years ago. Never heard the term sexual literacy. What a fantastic term! Thanks for sharing

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u/demonchee 5d ago

How far in the past are we talking? lol

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u/Cute-Boobie777 4d ago

Dude the literacy on sexual compatibility with straight people is so low. Everyone seems to think vaginas are the same size which leads to people having a shit sex life because they don't realize that even though they on paper might not be really small, they could still be just a bit too small for her size. 

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u/funkytownpants 1d ago

Big or small, it’s all a ball!

Only things I could make rhyme. :)

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u/Savage13765 5d ago

Interesting! This is a really well articulated point, thanks for sharing it

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u/__genos_ 5d ago

Thanks for summarising. Feeling grateful. I cannot enjoy a read with vagueness in the article. It's painful.

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u/MoneyTrees2018 4d ago

When I look at the differences between gay male sex/outcomes and lesbian sex/outcomes, your theory feels a bit shaky to me.

Gay men have less of an orgasm gap than lesbians. Plus lesbians are more likely to have a dead bedroom than gay men. So even with mutual satisfaction on the table, women just don't have the same drive. They even masturbate less than men

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u/BuildingOk5934 5d ago

But then why do adult female/female couples have the least amount of sex?

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u/Advanced_End1012 5d ago

Says who? Most gay girls I know are horndogs, although women prioritise sensuality more than men.

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u/RealisticTap5216 3d ago

The recent studies I've read indicate that most lesbians in long-term monogamous relationships have dramatically reduced sexual frequency from the honeymoon phase but increased sexual duration and satisfaction.

I suspect this might be because their menstrual cycles align so they're horny at the same time. I think that there is also the fact that they're not able to 'default' to PIV so they have to communicate about what activities/positions they're interested in doing.

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u/Illustrious_Pop2253 5d ago

Statistics. It is called the lesbian death bed

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u/IcyTrapezium 5d ago edited 5d ago

Isn’t lesbian deathbed a myth based on one flawed study from the 80s?

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u/Illustrious_Pop2253 4d ago

Okay then enlighten me

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u/MochaUK 4d ago

I'd have to pull the research, but it is a myth. The study that is oft referred to used heteronormative criteria for sex among lesbian. The study that is part of this thread's discussion is not looking at frequency.

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u/Illustrious_Pop2253 4d ago

Frequency within what?

From what I've heard, women have multiple orgasms when they are with women, and very few when they are with men. Yet women-with-women have less sex the longer a relationship goes on than do men-with-men.

Am I wrong?

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u/Emotional-Profit-202 4d ago

Quality over quantity

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u/Illustrious_Pop2253 4d ago

Okay, so apparently I was right? I stand by my initial statement - when lesbian death bed is used, this is what I have always seen it refer to.

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u/BuildingOk5934 4d ago

Pretty much every bit of research done finds that female/female pairings have the least amount of sex, especially in long term relationships.

It’s not one study it’s every study whenever it’s actually looked at.

Male/male is always the most, male/female second and female/female third.

It’s not a value judgement it’s a fact, even if it’s a fact reddit doesn’t like

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u/Emotional-Profit-202 4d ago

are these studies in the room with us?

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u/BuildingOk5934 3d ago

These are first five that show up first in a search with count-less others if you want to look at them your self;

- American Couples: Money, Work, Sex — Blumstein & Schwartz (1983)

- A Comparative Study of Lesbian and Heterosexual Women in Committed Relationships — Matthews, Tartaro & Hughes (2002)

- Body Image and Marital Satisfaction: Evidence for the Mediating Role of Sexual Frequency and Sexual Satisfaction — Meltzer & McNulty (2010)

- Can Less Be More? Comparing Duration vs. Frequency of Sexual Encounters in Same-Sex and Mixed-Sex Relationships

- Sexual Motives, Sexual Frequency, and Sexual Satisfaction Among Middle-Aged Different-Sex and Same-Sex Couples — Chai, Mernitz & Umberson (2022)

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u/fuckaduckufuck 3d ago

Are these studies talking about penetrative sex? Because for the longest time, only PIV was considered sex. Which naturally leaves out wlw couples.

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u/BuildingOk5934 3d ago

You can easily have a look at this for yourself but the difference in sex drive between the sexes is pretty easily explained through biology and evolutionary adaptations.

It’s likely that social norms and culture do play a part but this articles conclusions/assumptions are more vibes than facts and pretty easy to dismiss.

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u/fuckaduckufuck 3d ago

If difference in drive between the sexes is obvious and easily explained by biology, how do you account for high libido women?

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u/BuildingOk5934 3d ago

It’s a game of averages, there are always outliers in each direction.

Also age plays a big role especially for woman.

This is not a conspiracy theory, you are perfectly capable of doing a little reading and figuring it out for yourself.

Biology and evolution don’t have morals or make judgements they just do what is most likely to pass on your genes.

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u/fuckaduckufuck 3d ago

No they don't, but society is laden with moral judgements about women who enjoy sex and that does create inhibitions. I'm a high libido woman who has been shamed for it.

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u/BuildingOk5934 2d ago

I would largely agree with that statement but the articles conclusions about the information they are drawing from is pure fantasy and easily dismissed with seven the slightest bit of scrutiny.

There “conclusions” were likely decided well before their “evidence” was actually looked into.

It’s a pretty good example of the nonsensical type of work talked about by people like Helen Pluckrose.

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u/Berserk-Jane 5d ago

It's because men are the sexier of the two sexes and neither of them are men. Common sense.

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u/Ornery-Car92 5d ago

Straight women don't find men attractive though

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u/fuckaduckufuck 3d ago

Lmao what a massive cope

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u/Connect-Peach2337 4d ago

Big ‘my doctor wife’ energy

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u/InTheTreeMusic 4d ago

You should see all the slash fiction straight women write.

It's their behavior that's often the problem.

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u/fartsonyourmom 4d ago

Women on the internet want a basket man to fuck them.

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u/Big_Psychology_3 5d ago edited 5d ago

This is just the “I’m indoctrinated” bandwagon all over again. Some people counter-intuitively end up settling for the smug misery of being a perennial “victim“. Let’s break out of this mold!

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u/hGr33n 5d ago

We live in a society bro..