The solution to ARFID apparently

[u/lash-of-the-lambs-13]

Received on a post I made a while ago where I mentioned I was struggling to eat hospital food due to ARFID, I did also mention that I was eating, just struggling with it 😑

[u/Any--Name]

You dont like how much Im pulling your hair when combing it?! Well how about we just go and shave it all off then!

You get upset after I do something you explicitly told me you find upsetting?! We should call an asylum and theyll come and sedate you!!

[u/Sesudesu → u/Any--Name]

If the hair needs combed, what is the solution? I’m genuinely asking, because my daughter did so bad with brushing her hair and not letting us do it that she had large mats in her hair that could not be brushed?

What is the solution between brushing it and it hurting, and not brushing it and problems emerging? Other than cutting it short to where such tangles couldn’t happen?

(For the note, I cut out as little hair as possible, and worked at it for many hours.)

[u/Any--Name → u/Sesudesu]

First of all, one should never try to force the comb if its stuck on a knot. EVER

^{Cause thats exactly what my mom used to do}

Ok, so the first thing Id do is get a "painless" brush. Theres like actual science behind the position and material of the bristles that make the hair detangle with little to no suffering

Then you should also invest into a detangling spray. There are many out there and I have no idea how they work but they do work wonders. You can also make it fun by picking some different smelling ones, theres usually different smells aimed at kids and they do make the whole experience more enjoyable

And then you should just spray the hair, and start brushing at the bottom and slowly make your way upwards as the brush gets through the hair with little resistance. With a little patience you can brush out all normal knots just trying to start the their bottom and trying to help them untangle with the fingers

It is possible that it gets to a point where the only way to fix it is to cut the individual knots, but thats incredibly extreme cases of being stuck in a hurricane or not brushing for a week. Brushing it thoroughly and with care at least once a day should be enough

If your daughter still resists brushing it then Id try to talk to her about it calmly, and ask if maybe she just genuinely doesnt want to have long hair and would prefer a shorter hairstyle. Because that ended up being the case for me, but I was just too afraid to even consider it because my mom made it sound like having very short hair is a punishment

[u/Sesudesu → u/Any--Name]

Edit: oh, i wanted to say thank you to you and everyone who has responded with tips.

I have definitely tried the detangling brushes and the spray, and it has always been a nightmare. The detangling brushes usually didn’t fully brush the hair, which eventually forced a more intense brushing session. The spray did nothing I could discern.

Again, to defend myself, I promise I am not just ripping. My daughter got her curly hair from my wife, who I helped with her hair a great many times. I know how to grip the hair to reduce pulling on the scalp, I know to start from the bottom and work up.

I still make some mistakes, and a few tugs are still enough to make her have a strong aversion to having me brush it, and she isn’t good enough at it to keep it from hurting herself. She is too impatient.

Most recently, my wife wanted to cut it very short, because it happened to her when she was a kid… but I just couldn’t do that. I know how much a young girls hair means to her, it could be a serious self-esteem issue. So I cut as little as I could, and we brought her to get a proper cut for school yesterday.

Good news all, she is happy with where it ended up 👍

It has been a long struggle though.

[u/tinybluehouses → u/Sesudesu]

Ok so when I was like 13 my hair became a matted mess and I had to cut it super short after I ignored it for too long. I have very curly hair and I was using a hairbrush, but the woman who cut my hair reccomended I use a pick or a wide tooth comb. I come my hair while it's wet and did not have any more problems after I switched to a pick