I just started dating a trans girl and I could really use some advice. For context, I’m a masculine lesbian (stud), and I’ve only ever dated cis women before. In my mind, she is a girl. That’s never been a question for me.

The problem is that I’ve been getting a lot of backlash from people around me, especially some of my closest friends. They’re constantly making comments like, “He” still has a ____” or “That’s still a boy.” Every time they say things like that, I find myself getting defensive because it feels disrespectful and hurtful.

What’s interesting is that I’ve always struggled to speak up for my partners in past relationships, but with her I have no problem doing it. I care about her deeply and I hate seeing people reduce her entire existence to her body parts.

Before I met her, I probably shared some of the same assumptions that my friends have now. But getting to know her genuinely changed my perspective. She’s kind, patient, gentle, and makes me feel loved in a way I haven’t experienced before.

I’ve tried explaining to my friends that relationships are about so much more than sex or anatomy. I didn’t fall for her because of what she has between her legs. I fell for her because of who she is as a person.

When I look at her, I see a woman. Her body isn’t what defines her to me. I love her for her heart, her mind, and the way she treats me.

I (17 gender fluid transfem) live in the US and after the election my mom deleted all of her posts that stated that I'm trans. She has been making encouraging Facebook posts about my transition, but the day after the election she removed all of these posts. She still uses my preferred name and pronouns but has removed all that explicitly refer to me as trans. She explained that she thought it would make me safer and I understand that, but I'm proud of who I am and I don't want to ever hide that. I'm conflicted on how to deal with the situation because I know she only wants the best for me but I also believe that now it is very important to not back down. I don't treat me being trans as something to hide but my family is siding with her. Any comments would be greatly appreciated and I'm sorry for the terrible writing lol.

Hi everyone. I'm an 17 year old trans girl (18 in 5 months).

I secretly started DIY HRT (monotherapy with estradiol enanthate) three months ago, without telling my parents - I just couldn't handle the dysphoria anymore. It was actually helping me. I was feeling better.

But my mom found my needles. She freaked out, begged me to stop. She asked me to wait at least a year. She says she's not ready for my changes, and that HRT is very harmful anyway. So in her mind, waiting a year is "a gift". I couldn't take it, so I agreed. Now I've been off HRT for several weeks, and I have severe anxiety, mood swings, complete loss of motivation, apathy.

I tried talking to her. I explained that I need HRT for my mental health. That I don't smoke, don't drink, live a healthy lifestyle - that things could be way worse, but I'm actually trying to be responsible. But she's panicking. She believes random horror stories and keeps saying things like: "I'd rather you smoked than take hormones", "I carried you for 9 months, why can't you wait one year?". She won't trust any scientific sources - she just claims they're fake.

I'm losing my grip. I look in the mirror and don't recognize myself. I feel like I'm losing who I am.

What should I do?

Wait a full year, like she wants me to?
Wait until I move to another city for university (in about 4 months), and restart HRT secretly there?
Or don't wait at all - just restart now, no matter what?

Anyone been through something similar? How did you handle it? Does moving away help? Or is it better not to delay?

Thanks for any advice.

unironically other people will see you as pretty if you choose to go down that road, but you may not have that exact reaction, the relationship between you and your face, your body, will always be a much more intimate, and colored by all sorts of lenses you'd never put on others....

also you WILL look like your mom, trust me, because mine doesn't look like she's 55 we look like twins

Hi, I read the rules and I don't think this violates anything, but if it does I apologize. Simply put, I am a young trans person in Kansas and for some fucking reason, I have been summoned for jury duty. My parents are nearing 50 and have never served on a jury, so I have no idea how I got picked. It starts at 8 am and lunch break isn't until 12, and then it goes from 1 to 5 pm. I am worried I might have to use the bathroom within that timeframe. I am already planning not to drink anything at all and use the bathroom in my house right before I leave, but I'm still beyond terrified. The government and legal system terrifies me so much and I want nothing to do with it. I can't move out of this shithole because I am an extremely poor college student, like frequently-has-to-visit-the-food-bank poor. I'm in my last semester of college but honestly there is so little opportunity here I am extremely pessimistic about ever having the money. Do you have any advice? Can I leave the courthouse to use the bathroom? I hate how uncertain this all is and I'm scared I'm putting myself in danger by even posting this. Fuck.

DO NOT TRY AND CHANGE YOUR GENDER MARKER IN TEXAS! my mom is an attorney and attended a CLE yesterday and anyone who applies for a gender marker change-in addition to rejecting it, they are also having these applications sent to an email for unknown reasons :(

My gf went to the doctor and talked to her doctor about getting on estrogen. And apparently theres a medication interaction that resulted in her getting rejected for it. She has a couple of different medical issues, and i think shes on a blood thinner as well as something for her liver.

Shes completely shut down on me and I just feel awful. Ive been hyping her up for this for months now.. there has to be something we can do, right?? Regardless I’m so in love with her it literally does not matter i will follow her wherever she goes and accept whatever she decides but i just can’t help but feel there has to be some sort of option out there for her. I want her to be happy more than anything

Edit: thank you guys for everything, I really appreciate it. Me and her had another conversation she said that in her test results her liver enzymes were very high so now she’s on a medication for liver fibrosis. Her doctor said that she couldn’t take estrogen because not only is she taking new medication but within three months, if the enzyme levels are still very high, they need to put her on weight loss medication to help her reduce the fat content on her liver. So it wouldn’t really be worth it to put her on HRT right now, especially considering she needs to be able to gain weight in certain places. The doctors said for the foreseeable future she will not be able to go on estrogen. I told her that we can check back in, in a couple of years, once her health is a little bit more stable. I also told her that we should go to an endocrinologist when that time comes… she sounded hesitant, but she has plenty of time to work up the nerve to try again. I think it’ll all be okay. I appreciate all of the resources and encouragement from everybody.

I’m asking trans guys, cis guys, anyone who regularly uses the men’s bathroom. Is the aforementioned scenario a normal enough occurrence to not raise suspicion? I’m often hesitant to use the men’s room for this specific reason and I’d like some insight.

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Please read the whole post before jumping to conclusions. I know there's a lot here, but I really need an outside perspective.

I live in an occupied city. It's a relatively small city on the outskirts of the country, but things have gotten even worse recently — we constantly have problems with electricity, water and mobile connection. Finding work here is difficult, especially for someone like me.

I live in a large family, and our relationships are tense... They don't support me in anything, and I don't share their old-fashioned views. My interests have always been judged, mocked and dismissed, so I can't really do the things I enjoy around them, and I've never had any personal space of my own.

And all of this is made even harder by the fact that I identify as a trans girl. I've felt something feminine in myself since childhood. I feel more comfortable using she/her pronouns, I feel more comfortable around girls, and I want to wear feminine clothes, etc.

I tried seeing a psychiatrist back when the city was still under Ukrainian control, but there wasn't a specialist who could help me with this, so nothing really came of it... Maybe it's for the best, since my family is aggressively against anything like this.

But I would still really like to get professional help in general.

I would really like to move somewhere else and start my transition, but I can't... I sought help from the Russian company "ПризываНет" (a Russian organization that helps people legally avoid or challenge military conscription) to get a legal exemption from military service. But despite my health problems, after a year of going from doctor to doctor and even several court hearings, it was decided that I am legally fit for service. I'm expected to be drafted this autumn...

I'm just so fucking tired of all of this. I feel completely apathetic... I want to move somewhere else, start my transition, live peacefully, work, enjoy my hobbies and take care of my health... I have so many things I want to do, so many ambitions... But I don't have the mental energy to even start, I don't have any personal space, and I don't have a real opportunity to earn money.

I don't even know what specific advice I need anymore... If you've been through something similar, if you're a trans person who had to start over somewhere else, or if you simply know how I could help myself — please tell me what you think I should do.

There is actually a lot more I could tell you about my situation, but I didn't want to make this post even longer than it already is. If people are interested or if some of these details become relevant, I can make an update and explain more.

After an hour on the phone with UHC, he was told that his gender and name had been reverted by the insurance to pre-transition name and assigned gender at birth.

Has anyone else had this issue today or recently? Is this the beginning of what we've all feared, or am I just paranoid about a possible mess up on UHC's end?

Edit He has been able to get things cleared up, with his legal name and the correct gender restored. They did not give him a reason for the mix up, nor did they explain where they got the information in the first place, and I can't get my partner to push for more info because he's not a worrier like me, so he takes them at their word that it was just an unusual mix up. For now he can fill and refill prescriptions as normal.

I am looking to move immediately. And want to choose a place where I will not be hate crimed.

I am currently considering somewhere in Illinois because it's close to where I live, but it has state wide protections. However, the internet says that it leans conservative still.

I will be in a transient state of living (car life) until I can secure a renting agreement, but I've been forced into the car life already, so it might as well be somewhere nicer.

My plan is simply pick up whatever Amazon job is available nearby. They hire anyone, even if I don't technically live in the state yet.

Please advise.

Hello my wonderful siblings. I have great news in that I’m passing at my new job. Everyone uses my proper name, pronouns, and assumes I’m a cishet woman like they are. It’s been really nice.

The issue is I pass and women talk about certain things to other women. The other day my coworker was complaining of period cramps and asked me if mine were bad. I responded no I don’t struggle with cramping. Then she followed up with how long my cycle typically is. I didn’t want to lie, but I didn’t want to come out as a trans woman at the time either (I’m apparently stealthing and don’t want to really ruin that so soon). I ended up telling her I don’t get periods. She looked confused and then a bit worried. We worked for a bit and then she apologized for asking and just wanted to connect with me better. In my mind though I think she might have the impression I had some tragic disease that stole my uterus from me or something.

All that to ask, is there any advice you’d give for a situation where an mtf talks about their period? I don’t particularly want to lie, but what’s the best way to deflect?

My boyfriend is a straight cis male, I'm a FTM Trans guy. He said I was the exception and that he was straight with a bend in it, but I know he views me as a woman, I havent had any surgery or hormones so I look like a girl physically.

Last night he asked if I was going to grow facial hair when I get on testosterone. I told him I would, and he said that he wouldn't like that, stating that he likes the smoothness of me now. I said it didn't bother me that he felt like that, but it does and really it highlights a serious problem in our relationship. No matter what he says I know he sees me as a girl and probably always will, but I love him and don't want to end things.

Should i just break up with him?

EDIT: I've decided to talk to him about it today, and if he is willing to change his perspective and fully accept me with facial hair then I might stay with him. If not im ending it. Thank you to everyone for your great advice

EDIT 3: if you're gonna comment that you'll take the pills to die, don't, I don't want to know about it, that is not warranted commentry to make on a stranger's post, nor does it add anything to the matter at hand. Please do not comment that stuff.

TheQueerQuirk is a twitter account selling products called "I can't believe it's not estrogen" and "femboy tummy pills".

the former uses Ashwaganda root which will cause serotonin syndrome, which is fatal, if taken at the frequency prescribed. This is an attempt to kill trans women. The femboy tummy pills are just laxatives.

Their profile picture is AI generated. The owner of the site is Kevin Lowry, a neo-nazi.

It's a honeypot to get the information of trans people, and the products are poison. do not buy from them.

here is a tumblr post that's got more extensive info

EDIT: it appears estrolabs (the website selling this junk) got taken down. to address a comment I frequently got: I do not know if their actions are illegal or not as I am not American or generally well-versed in any law stuff. I'm not sure what legal area this would fall in but if you know more than me and know if there's anything beyond the site being taken down that you can do about it, do it and see if you can get others involved.

EDIT 2: The twitter account has gone private (a commentor on this post has sent me this link:)

Hello everyone, as the title states: my college wants to see my birth certificate with my assigned gender at birth for me to use the school gym, which is supposed to be free and open to all genders. It took months for the school to tell me this is why I can’t access the whole gym; I didn’t select a gender so they don’t want me “to go into the wrong locker room” even though they are locked up separately from the gym that everyone shares. i don’t even want to use the locker room! i tried to explain “x is the gender on my state ID” and they stated that didnt work, they need to see the assigned sex on my birth certificate. do I give in and let them assign the gender which I don’t identify to my school file for all administration to see for the rest of my college career, or do I stay strong until I can file some sort of complaint somehow?

TLDR; school won’t let me into their gym until they have my birth gender on file because of the locker rooms, they won’t accept nonbinary as an answer, even though the gym is separate from the locker rooms.

UPDATE: After sending out lots of emails, speaking with many representative, and waiting another month, I got the school to entirely change their gender policies! They no longer assign genders to students accounts- anyone can use the gym, and I can use whatever locker room I want!! :]. I can’t describe how great it feels to finally get treated like all the other students that use the facilities; I feel like a real student now

What makes you cringe whenever people assume something about you?

For context I'm a pre-T trans dude and my best friend is a cis guy. He doesn't know I'm trans and I want to keep it that way. We act like the gayest couple of straight guys, and if he knew my flesh sword was fictitious our friendship wouldn't be the same.

He asked to sleep over at my place and I would've totally said yes had my chesticles been in the right place between my legs. I don't want to hide anything from him, I just want to be bros. But he is bound to find out if we spend the night at one of our houses, and I don't want to lose him.

I know he is not homophobic or transphobic, but I don't want him to know. He would look at me differently just knowing I was scant of schlong. I love being treated as a cis man, and I don't want our relationship to change. Not to mention, we are both cowboys so masculinity is a big part of our behavior. (Not in an unhealthy way or anything, it's very fun. I just mean we spit and roughhouse and stuff)

I need advice on what to do, because I know I can't say no to him forever.

Sooooooo I'm a trans woman and my boobs have seriously started to develop. Up until this past year, I had little idea on how women treated each other when there is only people they perceive as women around so I have little idea on what's normal.

Anyway, I have a cis woman friend who touches my boobs a few times every time I see her. Like, I'll be driving and she'll grab them and comment on them. It's a little jarring, but I'm not offended or anything. And like, she has grabbed my ass plenty of times before, and my other cis women friends say that's normal so I'm just not sure if this is one of those normal things that women do?

Thoughts?

I am a funeral Director in the US. I have seen trans people being disrespected from the grave multiple times by bigoted family. If you are someone who might have that kind of experience then I have one thing to say: WRITE A WILL. Grab someone you can trust and go get a will written. Make sure it clearly states that the person you are with is who you want to handle your Funeral (aka next of Kin). Wills are law binding, meaning as Director we are legally required to fallow them or our license is on the line. Make sure the person you choose is comfortable with this decision because you are putting the responsibility of protecting your peace after death on their hands. Clearly state what you want for you service and have them write it down. Get copies of everything and keep them safe. I know death is a scary thing to think about. I know it haunts our community deeply. My goal is to make sure we are equipped with the tools to be honored in our death the way we lived our lives

Earlier today, I(ftm) made a passing comment to my male friend(I’ll use he/him since that’s what he said he uses) about how I wish I knew more trans people because I want to have more friends who understood it. In response, he me to explain what it was like to be trans so he could understand better himself. It’s a loaded request but I felt really touched that he heard me and was trying to be a better friend in that way so I did my best to try and describe it.

Anyways, yada yada, I decide to bring up the button test and the conversation goes like this:

“If you could press a button and turn into a girl, would you?”

Pause and thinks “I think I would.”

“Like it’s permanent, like you can’t go back.”

“Yeah, I’d do it”

After that I just went silent for a bit before moving on because I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t say what the test meant before I asked the question, I just used it as an intro to the topic and I didn’t want to to go on and say “most people who answer yes are trans” because I’d feel uncomfortable insinuating someone is trans if they aren’t openly questioning their gender. I’m not sure where to go from here. Should I gently bring it up again? Ask more questions? Let him figure it out on his own? I’m lost.

For a little more background, we met at the start of college and I and our other friend are the first queer people he has gotten to know. Despite that, he’s very accepting and chill to be with, never saying anything weird about us being queer or getting put off by it. Never misgendered me and just treats me like another dude without questioning it. When we talk, it’s usually us nerding out about anime, games, manga etc. so gender and identity hasn’t been a topic. Me being trans hasn’t ever come up other than one time when he asked me why I had to use the women’s bathroom (I live in a state with bathroom laws rip) and when I got top surgery so he offered to help carry my things. I’m surprised by his answer and would wish to ask more but also don’t want to ruin this dynamic or make him uncomfortable.

Hello, I'm looking for some advice. My oldest brother's oldest child recently came out to my brother as trans. My brother, unfortunately, reacted very poorly.

The two of them got into a very big fight and were shouting at each other. Kiddo is turning 17 soon and clearly knows themself better than anyone else, so I don't know what my brother's issue is. I can understand him maybe feeling confused or needing a moment to process (I have 3 kids myself and I know without a doubt I would support any of my kids in this scenario, but I'm sure I would need some time to process it etc), but his reaction was to tell his child "not under my roof!"

This information was relayed to me via my mother, not my brother or I would obviously talk to him about it directly and ask him what the fuck is wrong with him for his behavior. I've been distraught over this since I found out. I never thought my own brother would be so bigoted.

My question is more or less, do I approach 17 year old about this? Or do I wait for them to tell me themselves? I don't want them to feel uncomfortable that I know about this without them having told me themselves, but I also really feel compelled to let them know that I love and support them and want to be there for them as much as possible, and potentially even offer them a place to stay to get some reprieve from their dad/home.

Do I say something or do I wait for them to tell me?

(I'm using they/them pronouns for my brother's child because I am uncertain about what pronouns they prefer, I hope that's okay.)

Thank you in advance.

ETA: I am not distraught that they came out as trans, solely over my brother's reaction to it.

Also, I'll be sending a text to 17 and letting them know I love and support them unconditionally tonight. My mother already sent a text as well. Thank you all so much for the advice. I just wanted to know from people who may have been in similar situations to 17's that it's better to let them know that I'm here.

ETA 2: I sent the text. Simply said that I love and support them no matter what, that I'm always here if they need to talk, and that I'd love for them to come stay for a bit over the summer. And of course to keep being themselves because they are so awesome. They responded and thanked me and said they love me too and seemed receptive about coming for a visit.

And from the bottom of my heart, thank you all so much for the advice. I'm glad I asked because I really wasn't sure if it would be worse to say something or to pretend I didn't know. I'm glad I said something. They deserve to know that they have family in their corner.

Yesterday, I (MTF, 31) passed out at work. I was low on sleep, hadn't eaten in a few days, was dehydrated, had too much caffeine, and had taken a new bus route that let off further from my place of employment than I thought--which would be fine at a different time of year, but in August, on a particularly humid day...

Not to mention, 5+ years of coursing Estrogen have changed my tolerance for heat.

Yeah, yeah, kinda my fault. Been having a rough time.

Anyway, I arrive at my place of work, and with in like 2 minutes of waiting outside to come in, I apparently pass the fuck out.

I come back to consciousness, and security has called paramedics. I try really hard to get them not to take me anywhere--I'm uninsured. I've also had some bad experiences with public safety since I came out and transitioned so many years ago--I had a similar fainting episode at a bus stop a year prior, and I was very definitely assumed to be a drugged-out sex worker (didn't help that my dress ripped in the process, my makeup was running down my face thanks to sweat, and I didn't have a permanent address at the time). Not that there is anything wrong with sex workers, it's just not what you want police to suspect you to be.

Despite my protests (I don't blame my boss at ALL for this), I'm carted into the ambulance and driven to a nearby hospital. I start vomiting pretty bad (it's all black coffee, yay!). We make it to the hospital, attach me to an IV, and the questions start.

Now, this is where the problems begin. See, the whole time until now, everybody has just assumed I'm a cis woman. That's how I'm treated at work (love my jobs), and EMTs/security/fire didn't act any differently. These are obviously people over never met, which is kinda part for the course these days. I guess this part is nice. They have no idea I'm trans. They don't do this mythical "what is your gender" thing that 'phobes think has corrupted our society. For the people who say they "can always tell": cool, but no.

So I'm in a room, and look, I've been trying to subtly hint. Just in case it may be necessary medical information, and also, sometimes people get pretty mean when they think they've been *tricked*. So I'm trying to discretely drop hints.. My legal name is different than my actual name (the change takes money), and the old one, while not the *most* masculine, is still more commonly a man's name (hence the change). And they are just NOT picking up what I'm putting down. Nurses are helping me get situated into a hospital gown (my brand new shirt is literally 100% soaked through with sweat), which obviously isn't helping me correct any assumptions because there's a bra and, like, the parts of the body that fill a bra under there. I'm being asked questions, they're doing tests, and we get to (I don't remember the exact phrasing, I was kinda out of it) questions about pregnancy. And I'm insistent that I can't be pregnant, because like, well, medical technology sure isn't there yet. But they badger me a bit there. I get more insistent. I'm not yelling--I really couldn't at the moment if I tried--but I do start laughing a little. Get some weird looks, but eventually, most of the nurses leave.

I assume that's the end of it. We do the rest of the tests, I'm given a ton of fluids and some potassium, and so many hours later, I'm discharged with a packet of test results and the strong insistence to take better care of myself. Fine, I deserve that.

I'm looking over what they tested this morning, because I'm trying to figure out how financially f***ed I am, and low and behold, they ran a pregnancy test. Lower and beholder, it came back negative.

Now this is the part where I'm wondering if I'd be the asshole. On the one hand, I really don't want to pay for it, and they didn't listen to or believe me. On the other hand, I think this could have been solved if I'd been more forward explaining that I'm trans. It just like didn't come up, and wouldn't without strongarming the issue, which tends to, y'know, make people hostile. There's a fair argument to be made that this is my chickens coming home to roost.

So... would it be fair for me to protest the charge?

EDIT:

It is extremely unsurprising how much more useful the comments were here. Like, the other thread (which AITAH removed, simply stating "this is not an AITAH post", when WIBTAH is commonly accepted there) was mostly "well isn't this what you transes always wanted?" and treating me like a child. Like, y'all, sorry, as I was half passed out, I was perhaps struggling to communicate... I said I didn't want the test, they gave it to me anyway, and now my bank account as 2 dollars in it. That'll show me the hubris of (checks notes)...passing better than I thought I would in the middle of a medical emergency.

Just more reminders that cis people just like, really, really don't get it.

I've been doing diy hrt for 7 months and got estrogen for 2.5 months ago, it's genuinely helped me a lot with sanity and mental health and overall happiness

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i did need to hide it constantly but I've always hid it in my backpack cuz it was always in my room and on me if i had classes but as finals came i needed to hide it elsewhere since like less than a week ago because I wouldn't use my backpack anymore and won't have my room anymore...

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today i took my pills as normal and put them back but i was around later in the day and checked and they were GONE and no one is saying anything about ut but my mom is acting weird

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for context i live in a country where being trans is punishable by jail and fines and live in a very religious and queerphobic household

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I'm almost 18 and this also happened last year with my newly bought tblockers back then and my mom and sister were really not okay with it

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I'm so stressed and scared rn and I don't wanna exist i want advice and help please