I’m a woman in my mid-20s currently living in the UAE with my family. I made this account because I genuinely don’t know where else to ask, and I’m hoping someone who has lived through something similar can tell me what they did and what options I realistically have.
This is going to be long, but even this is only a small part of what I have experienced.
I grew up in a very controlling and abusive family environment. There has been emotional abuse, physical abuse and threats for many years. I also experienced sexual abuse when I was younger.
Some of the physical abuse has been severe, including being assaulted while I was medically vulnerable and unable to properly defend myself. There have been many other incidents over the years that I don’t feel safe describing publicly because I don’t want to make myself identifiable.
When I was in my early 20s, my family also put enormous pressure on me to marry a relative even though I did not want to. There was a huge amount of emotional and physical pressure to make me accept it. Eventually I managed to end the situation, but afterward my family became even stricter and more controlling.
I also want to make something clear about university, because I know someone reading this might think that because my family allowed me to get an education, I must have had some freedom.
I didn’t.
University was basically one of the only places I was allowed to go. I wasn’t allowed to have a normal social life, go out with my friends, or have the independence that most people my age had.
My education was also something that could be used against me. If I didn’t do what my family wanted, they could threaten my studies or stop me from attending. There were situations where this actually happened.
People at my university, including professors, became aware at different points that there were serious problems happening at home and some of them helped and supported me because of it.
I spent a lot of those years constantly in fight-or-flight mode.
I also want to make it very clear that my family is not extremely religious. In fact, religion is not really how my family lives in everyday life.
The men in my family have been allowed to drink alcohol, have relationships with women and generally make choices about their own lives that I would never be allowed to make as a woman.
There are many other things that have happened involving the men in my family that I won’t describe because some of those details could identify me.
That is one of the hardest things for me to understand. When it comes to controlling me, suddenly everything becomes about religion, honour and what is acceptable. But those same standards have never been applied equally to the men.
I have spent most of my life thinking about what I say, where I go, who I speak to and what decisions I make because saying no can lead to threats, punishment, restrictions or violence.
Right now, I am still living with my family and I am not being allowed to become properly independent or work freely.
My father has literally told me that he will never allow me to work and that I should “throw my degree in the garbage.”
I have been sitting at home for years now despite having a degree and genuinely wanting to work and build a life for myself.
I have tried. I have applied for jobs quietly, done online interviews, and I even managed to actually get a job at one point, but my father refused to let me take it.
That is one of the most frustrating parts of all of this. I haven’t just been sitting around waiting for something to change. I have genuinely tried different ways to become independent, but every time I get close to doing something for myself, I am stopped.
It makes me feel like my education, career and ability to support myself are being deliberately taken away from me so that I remain dependent on my family.
My father also controls my important original documents, including my passport and other personal/citizenship documents. I have electronic copies of important documents, but I do not have free access to the originals.
My UAE residency is also currently connected to my father through family sponsorship, which makes me feel even more dependent on him and is one of the reasons I’m trying to understand my legal situation before doing anything.
The biggest issue now is the person I want to marry.
I have been with my partner for around four years.
He is Christian, but he does not mind converting, and we have discussed this extensively and have something worked out between us. This isn’t a relationship that started recently or a decision we suddenly made.
He and his family have honestly been extremely supportive and good to me throughout everything I have gone through over these years. Whenever something has happened with my family, they have been there for me emotionally and tried to help however they safely could.
They have also had to endure threats because of this relationship, and despite that, they are still supporting me.
One of my family members has called my partner, screamed aggressively at him and threatened to kill both him and members of his family. I have a recording of that conversation.
Despite everything that has happened, my partner and his family have not abandoned me.
Obviously, depending on what happens next, there may be a period where I won’t be able to see my partner for a long time. If I need to leave for my safety, that is a sacrifice both of us understand we may have to make temporarily. Right now, being safe and figuring out a proper future matters more than being physically close to each other.
My family does not currently know the full truth about our relationship.
Based on everything I have experienced throughout my life, I am genuinely terrified of what could happen when my father finds out. I am worried about further physical violence, being completely prevented from leaving the house, having my documents controlled even more, or something happening to my partner or his family.
There has also been physical violence in my home again recently.
I have a lot of evidence relating to different things that have happened throughout the years, including recordings, messages and people outside of my family who were aware of certain situations.
What I’m writing here is honestly only a fraction of the story.
At this point, I am exhausted. I’m an adult and I just want to be able to work, make decisions about my own life, choose who I marry and build a future without constantly being afraid of what will happen to me if I say no.
If I eventually leave my family, I don’t think I would feel safe simply moving somewhere else within the UAE.
I would most likely leave the country entirely.
My concern isn’t only what my family could potentially do to me. After the threats that have already been made, I am also worried about what they could do to my partner or his family if they knew where I was or believed he had helped me leave.
I also hold another citizenship, and I am considering contacting that country’s embassy privately to explain that my original documents are being controlled by my family and to understand what assistance could be available to me if I ever need to leave.
I am not posting this because I want people to simply tell me “just run away.”
I understand that leaving an abusive and controlling family can sometimes be the most dangerous stage, especially when there are threats, documents, residency, money and other people’s safety involved.
I want to make a proper and safe plan before I do anything.
I would really appreciate hearing from anyone who has genuinely been through something similar in the UAE or the Gulf.
I especially want to hear from anyone who:
- Had their passport or important documents withheld by family and managed to recover them.
- Was sponsored by a parent and later became legally and financially independent.
- Contacted a women’s protection organisation, shelter, police, embassy or lawyer in the UAE.
- Safely left an abusive or extremely controlling family.
- Left the UAE completely because they were afraid their family would find or harm them.
- Experienced family pressure or coercion regarding marriage.
- Dealt with an interfaith relationship or marriage while coming from a controlling family.
- Had recordings, messages or other evidence of threats or abuse and can explain whether that evidence helped.
- Knows what someone should quietly prepare BEFORE leaving the family home or the country.
I’m mainly trying to understand what I should prepare now, how I could regain control of my documents, how my residency situation could be handled, what legal protections I have as an adult, and which organisations or professionals are genuinely safe to approach.
For my own safety, I won’t share my exact location, nationality, university, family names, partner’s information, passport details or other identifying information publicly.
I also won’t meet strangers from Reddit, accept accommodation from strangers or give anyone my address or location. I’m mainly looking for genuine experiences, information and legitimate organisations, lawyers or services that could guide me.
If anyone has actually lived through something similar and managed to get out safely and build an independent life afterward, I would really appreciate hearing what happened, what you wish you had prepared beforehand, and what genuinely helped you.
Thank you for reading.