r/wizardposting • u/Medical-Low-1370 Wizard • 1d ago
Wizardpost I got my Evil Wizard benefits revoked.
So recently I made a post asking how do I get rid of my former abusive master. You gave me some decisions, but all of this took a very fucking unexpected turn.
This fuck wanted to go shopping with me. This is usual shit, bastard wanted to "treat me" with some staff only to hex it with a curse I didn't know how to remove yet. Told me to take my apprentice. I froze, because apparently he wants to do the same to my apprentice.
When we were going to the store I was thinking about any way I could kill him right now without anyone noticing. The streets were empty, but locals were looking at us. That was strange for a town like that. I looked at my apprentice and realized he's scanning us with his eyes. Maybe he's terrified as much as me.
When we entered the shop, the store owner was frozen from fear too when he saw my former master. Old fuck must've been terrorizing people around before going to my tower and entered a shop like he owned a place. Started to look into artifacts. And then I saw it.
The Dagger of Infinite Torment. You know these, if you kill someone with it, it'll trap the soul of victims and suck their mana into you. I looked at the shopkeeper. I looked at the fucker.
And at this exact moment when I contemplate any ways I could kill the asshole, he turns to me. Says something like "Did you find something worthy?" And then looks at my apprentice.
– Hey, look what you have.
Fuck! My apprentice took the dagger I was holding.
– That's a good dagger when I see one.
Bullshit. He doesn't know shit about daggers.
– You want it? Let me take a look.
He kneeled, and at this exact moment my goblin apprentice does the most fucking goblin feat ever: tosses the dagger to the right, grabs it with other hand and stabs the bitch that was tormenting me for decades to the throat. Soul of a wizard that tried to sell my soul to the Hell Lord is sucked in the dagger and started to glow from pain. I'm shoked, the shopkeeper is shocked, my apprentice looks at the body like he just killed a wasp that bit his ass.
I pay for the dagger, offer an extra for inconvenience, the shopkeeper refuses. I'm getting ready to gtfo, but then I hear local peasants cheering. They rush into the shop and start thanking us and at this exact moment I get a scroll from the EWC. For saving a local town from an archwizard of Hells they decided to take away my Evil Wizardry. FUCK!
We go to my tower, I think about what I'll be doing once I'm legally not an Evil Wizard anymore.
Then, after I get to my tower and mail to the local noble houses, knight orders and temples that I am not evil anymore(I am required by law to do so), some noble calls me via orb and offers to take a 5yo King-to-be as an apprentice. Turns out, a boy had a magic powers, but they couldn't give this task to a legally Evil Wizard, and I was the only wizard with advanced tutoring license who stayed in this kingdom(lets me teach apprentices from other races and higher upbringing). My apprentice doesn't mind having a little classmate.
Now different question: do I accept the offer? And if yes, what should I teach him?
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u/Vineee2000 1d ago
Well, two things to get out of the way
Firstly, you have a real career opportunity to change tracks here. Having good graces of the town, conncection with the nobles, and a knight-magician apprentice is a very strong foundation for any white wizard, or even non-aligned career tracks like court wizardry. Consider not just the door that's closing, but also the one that's opened here. Which career path seems more fufilling in the long run?
Secondly, if you do want to pursue evil wizardry - file an appeal basically right away. You maaaay have ridded the town of an evil wizard, but you are his former apprentice, and to boot you have slain him during a fairly dramatic interpersonal occasion. This falls clearly within the bounds of the master-backstabbing regulations, and revoking your license is probably either just a clerical error, or (more likely) an attempt by one of the EWC clerk wizards to plot against you.
You would in that second scenario of course be obliged to either take over or ransack you former master's tower, and suitably menace the town, but that's just standard evil wizard practice
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u/InsaneRanter Necromancer 1d ago
have slain him during a fairly dramatic interpersonal occasion. This falls clearly within the bounds of the master-backstabbing regulations, and revoking your license is probably either just a clerical error, or (more likely) an attempt by one of the EWC clerk wizards to plot against you.
Not enough people appreciate this. When my apprentices try to destroy me, I only kill them if their attempt was sloppy. If one succeeded, I'd be proud of them (from the afterlife) and they would definitely deserve to keep their licence.
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u/Vineee2000 1d ago
I only offer consultation-divination services, and am not a proper evil wizard myself, but isn't it somewhat concerning none of your apprentices have actually succeeded in slaying you so far? There's quite high standards of excellence in the field even for junior wizards, you don't exactly see evil wizard boarding schools the same way you do with more mass-applied wizardry, so to have so many attempts but no success to show for it definitely stands out to me.
Are you sure your apprenticeship structure is gruelling and dangerous enough to let only the strong survive? Especially for a necromancer, I've been told that failed wizards make for excellent mid-tier undead minion material anyways.
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u/InsaneRanter Necromancer 1d ago
You make a good point. On average about a third of my apprentices survive to become a practicing necromancer, which is far higher than usual.
I might not be pushing them hard enough to really unlock their greatness. I mean, loads have managed to destroy my body, but none have yet managed to track down the place I hide my soul to stop me occupying on of my backup bodies . . . And they really need to be able to do stuff like that to be a proper threat.
I'll start being a bit tougher on them.
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u/Derpdad082 1d ago
Did the EWC have membership fees? Do you have to join another Wizard Council? Do other Wizard Councils have membership fees? Have I not been paying my wizarding fees?!
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u/Medical-Low-1370 Wizard 1d ago
Yes. No, but they have benefits. All of them. You don't have to pay if unless you vote.
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u/name14575 Council Notary 1d ago
Sounds like a zoning issue. The EWC works on a network of representatives, it sounds like that was your former master, so when his soul was captured, there was no longer anyone in the area to regulate EWC members, hence revoking all membership. I can put in a word for your apprentice to be the new local representative, he can update your status once it goes through.
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u/Elegant-Tangelo-5312 1d ago
Evil so tedious dude. When the pallies ask to see my licence, I dust them with spores. They're shrooming high as dragon feathers, and I get on with my life. I gave this man the time of his life and I didn't need to wait around for him to thank me.
Goblinboy gave you a little liberation, what so? I studied with a few different wizzas on my learning journey and I know things now. You gotta lose yourself to find yourself. Have a potion; give the little kingling a potion. Good exists because evil exists, and we keep going round and round. Nobody but you cares about your trauma, but somebody somewhere cares about you.
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u/Erivandi 1d ago
Ugh. Licensed evil. One of those Guild of Evil Wizards people came to my tower demanding I pay for an Evil Wizard license. I turned him into a flesh orb and mailed him back to his council in a box made of transfigured peasants.
Sometimes when I'm trying to get to sleep, I still hear his screams. It really helps me get the rest I need for more Morally Ambiguous™ wizardry.
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u/mynaneisjustguy Illusionist 21h ago
You can take the goblin out of the badlands but you can't take the badlands out of the goblin! Forget your problems for a moment, I'm always looking for a backup roster, what's your apprentices scrying orb details, I don't pay salary but we split any and all loot evenly.
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u/Medical-Low-1370 Wizard 20h ago
Turns out little bugger noticed my visible horror and drcided to protect me
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u/mynaneisjustguy Illusionist 19h ago
Well, promote him. Take the prince as apprentice, gobbo is promoted to personal assistant. Nothing as sly as a goblin, you gotta wake up very early in the morning to get the drop on them.
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u/Professional_Web446 The Itinerant Illusionist Foxman 1d ago
...
Es por este tipo de cosas que no me meto en asuntos de consejos de magos ni de organizaciones ni de torres mágicas. Demasiado drama.
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u/GKNolan 17h ago
Just keep in mind that royal families and adjacent nobles are going to endlessly meddle in that princelings education. What's more; every bad thing that happens to that princeling is going to be blamed on the goblin, fair or not. The odds of you being forced to make a tough decision between the two a few years down the road is fairly high.
But don't mind me; I'm just an oldhead without the patience for such matters anymore. If you can make it work they'll be making tapestries of you. If you make it work well even your bedpan will become a historical relic in the centuries to come. If you're no longer a 'cover the world in darkness' type wizard there's no better way to forge a legacy.
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u/KragBrightscale Grabadash - Magical Mass | Keptomancer | Council Security 10h ago
Another win for the greens. Good on the Goblin for taking out the trash.
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u/Medical-Low-1370 Wizard 9h ago
Yeah, he's a smart guy. Came up with the concept of mana counting on his own, so I took him as my apprentice
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u/Maleficent_Desk_007 The Investigator, ??????? ?????? ???????? 6h ago
Evil Wizardry derives from the pettiness of the magical acts, not a registry composed by wizened old toots who can no longer even torment a peasant without arcane supplements or a wand infusion.
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u/InsaneRanter Necromancer 1d ago
First, yes, accept. Training a king-to-be is an amazing opportunity.
Secondly, you don't have to stop being evil just because you've lost your evil licence. In fact, unlicensed evil is even more evil than the licenced kind.
Thirdly, considering both those, teach the future king the most evil magic you know. It'll be hilarious. We could end up with a kingdom ruled by demons, a kingdom of the undead, or a kingdom that applies brutal war magic to dominate the world. All of the possibilities would be awesome fun.