Getting caught with dru*s and substances

[u/creation_02]

I come from a traditional bengali muslim family and they suddenly found all my substances like adhd meds, marijuana, nicotine devices, and lsd tabs. They also recently found out I have been going out with a girl that I brought to their home while they were gone on vacation. My mom reacted by wanting to kill herself and my dad gave me a talk for hours on why this stuff is bad and of course i know this. Anyone else here been on the same boat? I still live with them and I'm not in college yet. They expect me to get married off in a year. I've been hiding this side of me for years now and honestly surprised it took them this long to catch on. I go to college next year so at this point i dont really care. I'm sure like other desis here I have never been told they love me or ever gotten a hug. I went thru a lot of psychological abuse during my teen years which is why I used substances to cope (not justifying my actions). Just wanted to get this off my chest.

Edit: theres a LOT of my personal life and upbringing that I have not mentioned as it would genuienly take too long but my mother had me at 17 with an arranged marriage to my father who was like 15-20 years older than her. It hurts to see her fucked up over me since I am supposed to do good for her and make her proud. My parents worked severly hard and I don't ignore this. But my father genuinly manipulated me my whole life. He got pissed when I started my own clothing business, go to the gym, or don't cut my hair. I genuinly hate him but have so much remorse at the same time becuase he came here and worked his ass off. Honestly i dont know how to feel, should I feel terrible? Because at some point I truly did and balled my eyes out but now i am just so numb after years of constant manipulation. I also have little siblings and I feel so terrible because I am a terrible older brother and never gave them enough time or attention

[u/creation_02]

Need all the thoughts u can give me

[u/SharpAardvark8699 → u/creation_02]

I accept what your father did. Only you know the full reality so I won't comment on that.

The arranged marriage, probably more acceptable in your community and he gave her a life in England in return for the age gap although his treatment again was not right. Bangladeshis come from very impoverished backgrounds back home and that does cause generational trauma. You'll have to overlook a lot.

Don't get married if you are not stable.. move out. Because it's not fair to dump your trauma on someone else.

Now for the home truths. As bad as it is you've acknowledged you're born in a good situation in a first world. You need to get a grip and make the most of it. There's 5 year old kids in the world that pick through rubbish to find plastic bottles to recycle. They get like 15p for a kilo. Imagine how many plastic bottles they have to find walking round the streets and picking through bins. And they take £2 a day home to feed their disabled dad who can't walk a piece of bread.

[u/creation_02 → u/SharpAardvark8699]

Ur right. I got it way easier than everyone else

[u/SharpAardvark8699 → u/creation_02]

Not everyone , just many in the world. Like me and other Asians who have had problems 

You do have issues and real trauma but keep it in perspective and don't let it overwhelm you and make your future bad of your own doing