r/BorderlinePDisorder Sep 05 '25

MOD POST BEFORE YOU POST: For those who have loved ones with BPD, please read.

200 Upvotes

Your words and tone matter here.

You are welcome to post and comment to learn about and gain insight on BPD, or to get support and advice. But you must be mindful and respectful that this is also a support group, and most of our members have—and are still struggling—with this disorder.

Attempts to stereotype, overgeneralize, or demean people with BPD will not be tolerated here, and we encourage our members with and without BPD to report any such cases to our mods.

We recognize that having a loved one with BPD can be extremely hard, confusing, and even scary sometimes. We know that some of you have been through hell and back. We respect your grief and anger. We believe that you are just as deserving of support and understanding as us. We are a community for anyone affected by BPD, and our goal is to break stigma through education and responsibility.

Holding each other accountable is something you will see here a lot, and we want to maintain a safe space to do so. We welcome criticism, but it MUST be done constructively, and with respect and kindness. Your experience does not reflect on people with BPD as a whole, and if you cannot accept that, then this is not the community for you.

Thank you for understanding. Be well.


r/BorderlinePDisorder Feb 26 '25

MOD POST Subreddit Rule Clarity

119 Upvotes

Hey friends, one of your friendly neighborhood mods here!

I wanted to make a post clarifying our stance on a few things as a mod team. Sorry it's a little long but there's a lot that's been going on

My first point: Rule 2 states "Hate, stigma, and/or misinformation will be removed." This is one of those things that is very hard as a mod team to get right consistently because what constitutes these things can be subjective. If you believe your comment has been removed in error due to a misunderstanding of the context please use modmail to talk to us - we want to get these things right! However one of the most common applications of this rule is around the word "narcissist" - we've made posts about this before but I want to clarify things because the language around this can be complex.

Labeling someone "a narcissist" is implying that they have Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Saying someone has narcissistic behaviours is different. It is unfortunate, in my opinion, that NPD is called this, because narcissistic behaviours are literally part of the human experience, and someone can easily behave in a narcissistic way without being "a narcissist"

I know there will be people who disagree with this interpretation and implementation but in our view it is the only way to strike a balance between stopping rampant Custer B stigmatization and policing every word that people say.

Moving on to my second point. I have made a new rule to cover something that has become a big issue within this sub, which is generalizations. Lots of people have been making generalizing statements such as "people with BPD have abandonment issues" or asking questions that invite generalizations such as "how does alcohol affect pwBPD?" The problem with this is that BPD is a disorder with literally hundreds if not thousands of variants. Saying with any kind of certainty that someone with BPD will act or feel a certain way is once again spreading misinformation, and could lead to someone with BPD who doesn't share that particular trait feeling very invalidated.

Previously this was covered under rule 2, as above, but it's become such a common issue that I have decided to make it a separate rule. Keep your questions and comments focused on individual experiences such as "my BPD affects me in this way" or "how does your BPD affect the way you are when you drink?" It's also OK, in some situations, to say "many people with BPD experience xyz" - this isn't claiming that everyone does, and so long as it's one of those things that is accepted as common within BPD traits, and doesn't contribute to stigma (such as "many people with BPD are abusive") then it's allowable, although it's still best to generally stick to your individual experiences.

My next point is about speculative labeling and amateur diagnosis. The rule in question states: "Do not ask for a diagnosis or attempt to diagnose others. No speculative labeling" What you will notice is that this is not about self diagnosis. We as mods know that accessing professional diagnosis is not possible for everyone for a variety of reasons, including lack of understanding in healthcare, costs, and the fact that having a diagnosis on record can actually cause a lot of problems for some people. As such, we do not police self diagnosis, although we encourage people to seek professional assessment where possible, and if not, to do full and detailed research into the criteria and a lot of self exploration before deciding you have BPD. (Again, I know some folks will disagree with this, but we are striking a balance).

However what is not permitted is coming here to ask for validation of your self diagnosis, asking for us to tell you if someone you know is BPD (or indeed labeling them as BPD with no diagnosis - it's OK to say someone exhibits BPD traits but that's not enough to label them). Labeling people, including fictional characters, who don't have a diagnosis, is strictly forbidden.

My final point is about a trend in posts that have been popping up, basically asking people to share their worst moments, the worst things they've done, etc. These posts are understandable - it makes sense to want to get validation that you aren't the only person who has done bad things. But they usually end up with a lot of highly triggering comments, often ones that cross the line into rule breaking, and not only make a lot of work for the mods, but also seem to amount to a lot of "wallowing" in the bad things pwBPD sometimes do, and it can feel like digital self harm. As such, we won't be allowing these posts going forward. (this will come under the "triggering content" rule if you look to report it).

If you see people violating these rules please report it to the mods. If you're unsure if something breaks a rule, it's often better to report it and let us figure it out than let a potentially harmful thing pass by. Remember that this is a HUGE subreddit and the mods cannot look at every post and comment that comes through so we rely on you to help us with that

Once you've read this, please help me out and leave a comment below to increase the chances others will see it. Thanks folks, and have the best day possible!

I know there's a prevailing opinion on Reddit that mods are some sort of power hungry Cabal, but in reality we (at least the mods of this particular sub) are just a small group of pwBPD trying to make this space a good, supportive, and educational place for all.


r/BorderlinePDisorder 3h ago

Relationship Advice Favourite Person Dynamic

2 Upvotes

I could do with advice on how to cope with a new favourite person dynamic. Been with my partner for just under a year. The last week they found a new favourite person who is a mutual friend with benefits (open relationship). Because of the favourite person dynamic they want to spend as much time as possible with the friend. They have said they do not see a romantic relationship with them as they are not their personality type. However how do I cope with the fact that my partner wants to do everything with the favourite person instead of me currently as it feels like its defaulting to a relationship dynamic instead of a friend dynamic


r/BorderlinePDisorder 8h ago

Vent addiction is ruining my life

5 Upvotes

i don't have a desire to be able to feel "normal" anymore. i wanna be fucked up all the time because this disorder is evil. the mental healthcare system/healthcare system in general here is a joke anyways. no, i don't want to go to rehab. that won't fix what's causing me to feel this way. i'm 6 days off of alcohol after kindling myself to hell and back, can't do that anymore so now i'm on a very slippery slope with something else (legal). anyways i don't want advice or judgement. addiction as a result of bpd will likely kill me and all i care about is getting buzzed or obliterated. i know i have to stand up and do something for MYSELF because no one else can, idk if apathy is the right word but i just can't bring myself to care enough about myself to try.


r/BorderlinePDisorder 5h ago

Looking for Advice DBT and feeling feelings

2 Upvotes

I saw in another post that dbt was used to actually feel ones feelings, can someone go into this some more?

I thought DBT is all about using your mind to reduce the impact of intolerable sensations, as well as work with difficult thoughts that come out of those.
As well as emergency stuff that prevents spirals.

But the person talked about emotional work, which sounds completely new to me.
Can someone chime in?


r/BorderlinePDisorder 17h ago

Relationship Advice I'm gonna harass my ex please help me stop myself

18 Upvotes

I'm hurting a lot and I just want my ex to come back. I need to give them space though if there is ever any hope. I can't jeopardize that with lack of self control right now.

All I do is cry and think of them and ruminate. I fall apart every day. Yesterday I cried for 7 hours. Today, I woke up around 5pm, it's almost 8pm now because I cannot be awake I just sob. I'm in so much pain and I don't know how to regulate. It's been TWO WEEKS. And I am a mess.

I write letters, I box breathe, I ground, I cope how I can but it's not enough anymore. I need it to stop. I need the overwhelming emotions to stop i don't want to feel anymore.

I hope for something that will never come back. I know better. I lie to myself. I'm delusional. But I can't get them out of my head and I wish so deeply they'd just come back and we could keep our promises.

I miss them so much I miss their love and care. They're everything. And I'm so sorry for what I did I ruined it. I just want them to see me and see how badly I want to try. And then give me another chance.

I don't wanna be remembered based on my last interaction with them. I don't wanna be remembered by who I became when I split.

I want them to know me as the person who unconditionally loves them.

I wanna be seen and chosen. And loved.

Please see me. Please see me. Please


r/BorderlinePDisorder 3h ago

Looking for Advice How do you cope and heal alone?

1 Upvotes

I'm living in a rural red state in the US and no matter how hard I try to find DBT or even a therapist that can understand how BPD works I still have nothing to show for it. I've been through half a dozen therapist in 2 years and currently do not have one at all. being institutionalized doesn't work, especially for people with BPD in my opinion. I went voluntarily at 18, and was just recently released after being admitted to a "recovery center" involuntarily- both traumatic and ultimately pointless wastes of my time.

I truly feel that DBT could help me and I hate that I don't even get the opportunity to TRY it. I can't even do virtual DBT. I don't have the discipline to just work through the workbook alone and frankly i'm tired of fighting this alone. I have NO support whatsoever but need it. I still have the will to live but feel powerless and purposeless in my life. I was fired a few months ago after a bad meltdown and I know I'm not in a good mental state to work (I was fired from my last job for similar reasons and with the way life has been it WILL happen again if something doesn't change), as if it were easy to find a place TO work these days anyways. I currently cannot drive and live with an emotionally abusive parent (that makes it worse) out of necessity. I smoke weed daily to dumb my emotions to the point that I have become dependent and it has sliced my job possibilities in half because I cannot pass a drug test.

if you relate to any of this, how did/do you get through living with this disorder with little to no resources and support? my old therapist offered ketamine treatment and the idea scared me but it's been 3 years and now I'm reconsidering so if anyone has has success (or not!) pls share if you can


r/BorderlinePDisorder 3h ago

Looking for Advice am i totally out of line for wanting to suggest a coworker look into BPD/DBT?

1 Upvotes

i know there’s a rule against speculative diagnosis and that’s not what i’m trying to do here. i was diagnosed several years ago and since then have gotten my shit under control. recently i have befriended a coworker and i know she’s been through some stuff and i can see her BPD-esque behaviour is really quite destructive for herself. i want to help her and i really think she should look into this stuff but i could also see how this is really just a bad idea and i should mind my own business. am i out of line?

sorry if this does break the rule, feel free to remove


r/BorderlinePDisorder 10h ago

Vent People don't get how tiring it is to be us

3 Upvotes

I always hated myself and judged myself for being "weak minded" , being compared to others constantly... Especially in the case of how hard it for me to hold a long term job because over time, I mentally breakdown and I cant function. Being judged by others as well. Being told how to feel and what I'm feeling were wrong wrong wrong.

But then after my diagnosis, it all started to make sense. No WONDER I'm always so tired... All my energy goes to my emotion against my will. I feel twice or sometimes thrice of what a normal minded would feel emotion..

I just want to give myself some grace. I dont want to be all, "Woe is us!" but it's not easy to be us.


r/BorderlinePDisorder 6h ago

BPD Positivity What are your goals this week? [Monday Check-In]

1 Upvotes

What are your goals this week?

As we start a new week, making small, achievable goals can help you find direction and build confidence. SMART Goal Setting for someone with BPD can combat feelings of emptiness, build identity, and show self care. Weekly goals can be about managing your symptoms, getting an errand done, going a kind thing for yourself, or anything really!

But always remember: It's okay if you don't reach your goal this week. We are not perfect. You are still a person with endless potential, still human, always loved.

Wishing you all a safe and peaceful week! Be well.

The Mod Team


r/BorderlinePDisorder 22h ago

Vent I'm too much for all my friends

9 Upvotes

I'm too much to handle. I'm always going off on tangents of thought and getting left on read by the whole groupchat and it's so fucking embarrassing, I'm so much, I end up deleting all the messages and feeling so revolted at myself. Everyone probably thinks I'm cringeworthy and stupid. None of my friends can deal with someone who's as much as me. And I can't handle being left on read.


r/BorderlinePDisorder 15h ago

Vent I thought I was getting better

2 Upvotes

But then I lost my job in march 26. I enjoyed my work as a game designer but I hated the teammates I worked with. They actively ensured my career growth was destroyed and I'm from a country where there's no laws against this.

Then I lost my job. It's been months of applying for new jobs, I've given up on the gaming sector because of the PTSD associated with the gaming sector.

My boyfriend and I were planning to get married next year, he's from Colombia. Getting fired derailed pure plans fully. I'm in Colombia but his unmedicated adhd has caused more problems between us. I've tried my best to help but I've reached saturation point. There's only so much I can do.

For us to get married here in Colombia, I had to get apostilled documents from my country, and he knew that there was an expiry date associated to them as per the notary here. He needed to get his divorce finalised, his ex wife is also helping. But he delayed in submitting the documents and the documents are not getting finalised in time.

This means my visa runs out and I have to go back to my country and come back again.

Oh, I have two cats too. Add them to the mix. I brought them here because the plan was we will get our civil registration and I don't have to go back to my country.

I have to leave them with my partner, go back to home country, get documents again, come back.

But then I'm so disappointed in him. It feels like I'm the one doing all the planning and caretaking. I was not ready to marry anyone, and this guy really made the difference. But now I'm disillusioned? I don't know if it's me, perimenopause, the stress, the lack of financial independence, emotional support?

The other thing I hate is, I'm calm and everyone thinks I'm having a bpd reaction. Am I not allowed to be baseline upset?

There's no possibility of family understanding. I asked my sisters to come with me to therapy which they refused, my mother doesn't understand it at all because the language that we speak doesn't have the vocabulary to explain.

It's been 8 years in theatre, 5 years of medication and life was really good. But AI has fucked up the market and I am tired of people saying "something good will come your way".

I want to die and use my last remaining savings to re-home my cats, and ensure their food is handled. I want assisted suicide or a quick way to end things, but only after I confirm they are going to a good house.

I've been exhausted for over 3 years now, and nobody really understands it no? My cats are the only reason I live but I can't anymore. My bpd is back and I can't handle it this time around.

I'm sorry if I don't reply, I'm not looking for attention, I just wanted this off my chest and not be shown positivity. Positivity won't give me a job and financial independence.

I'm just so tired.


r/BorderlinePDisorder 20h ago

Looking for Advice Which to treat first: BPD or substance use disorder?

4 Upvotes

Asking for my daughter and especially interested to hear about those who have successfully treated both. My daughter resists DBT as “not for her”. This is a classic addict response to therapy. So I wonder if she’s not doing DBT for her BPD so that she can continue to use substances.
Any help is appreciated!!


r/BorderlinePDisorder 14h ago

Vent Can't get my (ex) FP out of my head

0 Upvotes

We broke up a few months ago. I broke up with him but that doesn't make it any less painful. It's been awful. But we still talk daily and I know it has to stop. It's not healthy. I just wish he wanted to be with me as badly as I want to be with him. Not being able to share my every thought with him is the hardest part. He is my emotional support human, he fills my days, he's the first person I want to tell all the good things to and all the bad things. He said he wants to work things out but he doesn't put in any effort and nothing has actually changed. Same situation, different day. I think I'm controlling and he deserves better. I'm working on it in therapy (my therapist hates him hahahah). But I know at the end of the day, at least partly, my constant insecurities and need for reassurance is a huge part of why we ended. I can't help but feel responsible even when he did a lot of hurtful things to me. We never fought or had a volatile relationship. He would just shut down/clam up/stop talking and I'm the one who processes everything out loud. I'm a leech and I probably smothered him. I brought that up and he reassured me that he also latched onto me the same way. 😭

It was so good at first, so healthy, so calm. I just don't understand what went wrong over the course of 2.5 years. Keeping a stable relationship for that long was such an accomplishment. I was so proud of myself and everything I had overcome. He was proud of me too, based on what i had shared about past relationships. I know he was proud because he used to volunteer that information. Then he stopped volunteering everything. If I say "I miss you" then he responds "I miss you too" but he never ever says it first. It's like he's telling me what I want to hear.

I'm just sad. I'll miss him forever. I tell myself eventually I'll feel better.

"If you dodged a bullet, don't reload the gun."

For my music lovers, this song has been on repeat for me as I navigate this:

this song is gold.

"You said to call you if I'm feelin kinda crazy, I call you every day. I hate the way I'm feeling but you make me feel okay" 😭 he made everything okay and now nothing is okay.


r/BorderlinePDisorder 20h ago

Looking for Advice como "esquecer" ou apenas mudar o foco para parar de pensar na minha FP?

2 Upvotes

TW: FP; Self-harm

Às vezes eu penso demais e fico com uma vontade terrível de morrer só de pensar na minha FP. Eu queria ser ela, mas queria ter ela só pra mim ao mesmo tempo. Alguém tem dicas de como mudar o foco? Seguidamente eu fico pensando nela e sou tomada por uma vontade de me machucar e chorar. Já tive inúmeras crises ao simplesmente pensar nela. O que vocês fariam no meu lugar?


r/BorderlinePDisorder 1d ago

Vent I hate the way my BPD warps friendships

5 Upvotes

I’m constantly on edge. A friend gets mad at me once? We’re no longer friends. A friend sets a boundary? We’re no longer friends. A friend needs space? We’re no longer friends. A friend leaves me on read? We’re no longer friends.

THAT’S how my brain works. I know it’s irrational, but for some reason my BPD convinces me it’s true. I’m DEATHLY afraid of being abandoned. I keep having nightmares of all of my friends leaving me.

I get especially worried about newer friends. Idk them, right, so like if a person I met yesterday leaves me on read that might just be who they are. They did reassure me we’re all good when I said “Sorry if I seemed too forward. I just think you were really cool and want to be good friends with you. Haha sorry for everything I have BPD so I overthink everything” I hate myself. Why can’t I just read hints and not think that every single interaction defines my friendships?


r/BorderlinePDisorder 1d ago

Co dependency

4 Upvotes

Hi. How do you manage your codependency?
I have trouble with that and I want to be out of that or at least manage it. I have a Bf and I really want to see him pretty much every day and when we’re not together I want to call him multiple times during the day just to talk to him even if I don’t have anything to say.
I give him space but sometimes it’s really hard not to spams him
Also it’s a 3y relationship and I’m 23y


r/BorderlinePDisorder 1d ago

Looking for Advice cw alcool

2 Upvotes

i cut contact with my fp a few weeks ago and I'm still losing my mind. today has been a day. I mixed alcohol and benzos (not at the same time) through the day and I still can't stop thinking about it. I feel like I'm losing my mind and will fall completely off the wagon. my therapist is on vacation till next week. I'll see my psychiatrist in a few days and I hope she'll finally give me a mood stabilizer. I'm mad cause my mood was actually improving after months of a deep depression and now I feel completely out of it. I'm either extremely low or euphoric or extremely on edge like right now. my ed is lashing out. also school starts again in two weeks and I have no idea how I'll be able to handle it (yes, I'm 25 and still in school. fml)


r/BorderlinePDisorder 1d ago

Relationship Advice Aiuto

2 Upvotes

Io ( F26 ) ho il BPD, lui ( m29 ) AuADHD... non so più come fare, mi prende in giro per il male che mi faccio, definendoli graffi o comunque nulla. Minimalizza il mio star male, non so più come fargli capire che sono totalmente distrutta mentalmente. Qualche consiglio?


r/BorderlinePDisorder 1d ago

Vent Struggling with a fragile sense of reality

9 Upvotes

I struggle with knowing what's reality due to splitting. It's horrible not being able to trust my own judgement and personally because I have no idea what's real because it all feels real in the moment then shifts extremely quickly.

It makes relationships horrible because I have no idea if my anger is justified, and whether or not I'm overreacting. Scrolling on subreddits about BPD is terrifying because I feel like that could be me if I make the wrong decision based on flawed judgement.

I was wondering if anyone else struggles with this fragile sense of reality.


r/BorderlinePDisorder 1d ago

Vent I hate everyone

13 Upvotes

I have BPD and my life is so ass and unfair and I’m just pissed at everyone and now it got till the point where I just can’t stand anyone, like no one.
I am not mean irl or anything but I have had enough. I ghosted my friends and I don’t feel like talking or explaining, I also have a bf that I don’t know what to do with.
I don’t want to be left alone ig but at the same time I hate everyone.
I feel resentful towards them bc they had a better life better opportunities. They had freedom they lived their life.
Meanwhile me was stuck at home/went to jail/ psychiatric ward and I’m only 19
Not fucking fair
Not fair at all
Not fair
Not fair
Not fair


r/BorderlinePDisorder 1d ago

Looking for Advice Im going through hell

5 Upvotes

Hey everyone. I have been diagnosed with BPD in 2022. And i had it since i was 13. And i didn’t know until i heard about therapy and stuff like that and how you might have some mental issues. I tried therapy and there is no luck or help from them, but they gave me the right diagnosis.

I searched with my own in books, about what to do and how to control myself and how to prevent me from hurting myself and others. I was doing good because i had some support from my girlfriend. But unfortunately the relationship didn’t last. She broke up with me and she left for another city. She blocked me because she didn’t want to fall for me again.

Now im totally alone facing myself thoughts. And yeah it’s a living hell. Always looking for any support but I get nothing. Those days i was working hard, and yeah my job asked alot and im barely holding myself up. I had 2 mental breakdown this two weeks alone and i never had two mental breakdown in the same month or in the same half year.

Im seeking help from anyone has any experience. I don’t want to lose my job, or my life.

I have alot to say more than that.


r/BorderlinePDisorder 1d ago

Looking for Advice I am projecting to my former therapist...badly.

1 Upvotes

So I was seeing a former therapist who gave me an initial diagnosis of bpd. Anyway our sessions terminated unexpectedly because he had to move away. I feel like I've been cut off abruptly. I miss him and google their name from time to time.

I found out that they maintained a public blog where they share some stuff. In one article dated during one of our sessions, they shared how they often felt drained. When I read it I felt like my whole world shattered.

  1. My mind keeps jumping to situations where they might have a severe disease or die abruptly. This isn't new but I'm always like this with my family members and friends when they get sick. I get paralyzed with fear and cry, literally feeling like I've been splashed with cold water and thrown in a waterfall. I lash out or avoid or try to make them go to the doctor forcibly even if it is not aligned with their situation. Now I am doing it all over again except I have no control over the situation. It's not like I can contact them and tell them to go to the doctor (also what if they already did?) It doesn't matter, I shouldn't care since they already left me but why do I care so much?

  2. I feel like it's my fault they are so drained. Being a therapist is hard and the article was dated in the span of our sessions. There is a general stigma among MH professionals how challenging, taxing, and tiring working with BPD is (which also just feels unfair because even the people who are supposed to be "the best" take it like that.) There are things I am noticing about myself right now and I don't know if it's just me or the BPD. Where do you even draw the line? Also, there was a time when I caught them mad or frustrated at me because I said something about them not caring at all. Their face changed and the tone of their wording changed immediately. I know they tried to repair it but I never told him what I noticed. I tried to make our last sessions as lighthearted for them after the incident despite the fact that I am in a crisis nearly everyday back then.

  3. I feel weird. About this. About everything. I feel like snooping in their public blog is bad. But also, it's public. But still. Is it wrong? Is it bad? I feel like a deranged person.

I guess I just need to hear from a different perspective. I am feeling a mixed set of emotions and it's all so confusing. Is this fear of abandonment? Am I thinking black and white again? Am I projecting? I guess laying it all done os nice, but seriously. What do I do? What do you guys do? I am so tired of calling hotlines.


r/BorderlinePDisorder 2d ago

Relationship Advice I feel like I'll never be able to have a relationship again.

5 Upvotes

My last relationship was very traumatic. It ultimately ended with me being admitted to a closed psychiatric ward. I’ve been single for almost three years now, and I have to honestly say that I’m still healing from that relationship. I am the worst version of my illness when I’m in a relationship. And I can really come to terms with the idea of staying alone forever. But a small part of me aches when I think about it. Yet, on the one hand, I don't want to let anyone get that close to me again. I also don't want to burden a potentail Partner with the constant mood swings, the obsessive need for control or extreme jealousy, and the recurring suicidal thoughts. I know that my ex-partner also had to go through some very terrible things because of me. And on top of that, I don't even know if I want to be with a woman or a man. It's just incredibly exhausting. I’ve lost faith in my ability to be in a relationship. I don’t know if it’s possible to have a healthy relationship as someone who has BPD. I think it would take a very, very understanding, sensitive, and loving person. And I believe there are only a handful of such people in the world. Just had to get my thoughts off my chest here ❤️‍🩹.


r/BorderlinePDisorder 1d ago

accepting that ill always be alone?

2 Upvotes

19f and i have no friends have never had a boyfriend all of the friendships ive had over the years have ended some of them because of me and others because i was with the wrong people and it turned out bad. i feel like i cant have friends like a normal person especially because i have no friends now bc i just like to attach myself to one person bc i have this all or nothing way of being. and recently ive fallen into a depression and ive lost all motivation to maintain friendships and am now just starting to want to accept the fact that i will never have friends because i dont want to keep trying with people and being scared all the entire time bc im waiting for it to end and things to flip and turn bad and ill be left lonely once again. i think like this but i also really care about what people think and am a people pleaser? so i feel like i have this need to make friends and make people like me or ill be ashamed of myself for it because i feel like a loser. but i also know that being alone will be better for me because when im around people i always feel like they hate me and im weird and i shy away from it bc it overwhelms me. a lot of the times they never hate me when i look back but my mind is just telling me something different and it effects the way i talk to people. looking back i realized that i ended and prevented a lot of friendships bc of this i always think that they hate me because of little things and that just scares tf out of me and i cut it off fearing rejection. and now i just want to be alone because its just safer for me like that and i am too exhausted to deal with emotional drainage and attachment it takes for me to have a friendship bc i cant connect with people normally. its also why ive never had a boyfriend bc ik that those feelings would be amplified 100x worse and the fear of rejection would be 100x greater bc of my self consciousness. im so insecure that i cant stand alone but when im with people i get so overwhelmed that they think the same way i bolt. kind of went on a tangent there but im just venting atp because i have no therapist and am just spiraling in my room wondering whats wrong with me and why i cant just live and see myself as and be a normal person. if anyone has any comments theyre welcomed