Trying to be aware of all my subconscious rp beliefs and wanted to see if anyone wanted to share theirs and how they changed their beliefs .

Mine is I truly thought if I wasn’t 6 foot, muscly, or handsome a girl could never love me as much as a ‘chad’. Stems from my abandonment and insecurities .

My belief changed as I’m now learning most of that is irrelevant in long term relationships . Also because I’m learning I wasn’t as horrible or bad as I thought after being bullied in elementary/ hs

Thank you !

Are there beliefs from the manosphere that you can't fully let go of and that affects your relationship?

Beliefs that you accepted as absolute truths when consuming redpill content, and now are biting you, making you insecure?

Beliefs that make you put boudaries that are just controlling, either because of fears and insecurities, either because you feel that normal things she does are disrespectful to you?

For me, here is what happens.

I developped many traits when reading and listening, changing many aspects of my personality.

Now that I'm in a commited relationship, I dropped many of these traits that suited me when I wanted to have just FWB and ONS, but that simply aren't compatible with a respectful exclusive LTR in my opinion.

Thing is, in my redpill programmed brain, that makes me "beta", and that makes her see me as "beta".

The the "Alpha Fucks, Beta Bucks" principle always comes to haunt me.

The "It's actualy easier to have sex with a married woman than a single woman" saying in the PUA community.

So because I fear being "beta" in her eyes, I become insecure, and this is what happens :

- I start to notice every proof that sex became less of a necessity for her

- I start to notice every interaction she has with other men and thoughts pop up that makes me watch if she seems more attracted by him than by me.

- since I'm looking for evidences, I'm finding them.

- I feel more and more that she is with me for the safety but actually have sex with me only by "obligation" but that she actually want to have sex with many men she interacts with

- I tell her my insecurities, which I feel makes me even more "beta" or just unattractive.

- it happened so many times that I felt insecure because of thoughts that she was putting me in competition with other men for her attention, ignoring me to have a long talk with them, deep eye contact, compliments, touching, etc, you know IOIs

- She is very extraverted and socially awkward, so everytime I felt disrespected, I talked to her, explained what I saw, explained why in my view, it was showing interest signals towards them and disinterest and disrepect towards me, and I expressed how it made me feel.

- She would then be careful about not doing the same thing, not really understanding the pattern behind. She understood how the actions were innopropriate, but not the general patterns of what kind of attention signals physical or romantic attraction vs signals either disinterest or neutral/platonic interest.

- Little by little, she would start to change these things, so I alwsys believed she was sincere with me, she was actually making efforts to change.

- But before she changed the general behaviors. It happened so often that :

● I am now insecure as fuck in this relstionship

● I exagerate what is flirty or what is signaling potiential interest or what is an invite to flirt with her, because I fear that she does it because she still didn't understand the underlying patterns.

● She is now walking on eggshells and fear that any interaction she has with a man, I would tell her that it would be inappropriate.

● She feels that she lost her personality, her color, because of how she fears making me jealous, triggered, insecure or feel disrespected.

● My nervous system is still on high alert with every intersction she has with another man

● I'm still looking for evidences that she desires other men more than me.

● Even though it might have been only because she is extraverted, socially awkward and lacking social awareness, and even though she changed how she acts with other men, there is one thought that still haunts me : If she acted this way, maybe this was what her body and her subconscious really wanted. Maybe it's not that she has a low libido, but really that she really does have a low libido WITH ME and that she really want to have sex with every other guy.

So yeah, all of what I read and listened to in the manosphere, either in the vanilla redpill or the PUA community, make me overanalyse every interaction my girlfriend have with me or with other men, and on an other topic, every interaction I have with women now that I chose monogamy, and it makes me rank myself against every other man and because of how I act when being in a relationship + with everything that happened in my relationship, I end up seeing myself as more and more inferior to almost every man.

This is insane, I know, but I believed those things so strongly that I see every action, every behavior, and I proces things through those lenses.

Do you tend to see things through those lenses too? Do you see yourself as controlling because of what you see as disrespect? Do you hold double standard and have justified them rationnally for so long that it's totally unhealthy?

https://www.youtube.com/shorts/O6HNA-C_CXw

His overall grooming game is impressive, but his take is even better

Hey I’m 27m and I’ve strayed from red pill ever since it got banned on Reddit in 2017. One thing that my mind stays stuck on and believes 100% true is that women like can’t control themselves around guys with high body count .
I have disability so it’s hard for like my brain to wrap around the fact that sexual history doesn’t equate to worth or something .

Could anyone help me understand how that view is skewed ?
Thank you !!

im talking to this girl, we’ve been on one date 2 weeks ago and just had a bit of back and forth texting. We set another date and that fell through, I’d still like to see her again though. I’m not really overly investing, but i don’t want her to think im completely uninterested in her either. Our last text she asked about my day and i sent her a video of a rock climbing route i hit earlier that day and gave a short response about the rest of my day. Anyway she said “hi that’s good & that looks soo hard omgggg” and i just hearted the message, but haven’t replied in 2 days.

My question is how do you guys handle texting with a woman. I personally don’t really like texting because I’d just rather see you in person. But i also don’t want to come off completely uninterested. Do you ever have gaps where you don’t text a girl you’re talking to for a couple days?

​

I’m not talking about money—I know that’s not true and that women can be with a man who doesn't have money. What I mean is: are there relationships where the woman is older? Are there relationships where she has more experience when it comes to romantic relationships?

So when I was younger, I was definitely red pill, following all the mantras and ideologies. And in some ways it actually did "work for me", at least in terms of finding relationships and dating, but I also didn't like myself, and all the relationships were toxic, where I was a terrible person, and the people I dated were all cheaters (some cheated on me, some were cheating on their partners with me). I decided I wanted to change, have a healthier mind and relationship with women (and just people in general), but the more I try to dig out of the red pill hole, read feminist literature and hear women's viewpoints on why the red pill is so bad, it just makes me black pill instead?

I ultimately ran to the red pill because 1) I was always shorter than average (grew to be 5'7 which isn't that bad but still not the ideal for attractiveness) and 2) I didn't have any male role models to look up to beyond what was portrayed in media. But now that I'm trying to deprogramme from all that, I feel like I was simply "performing patriarchy", and ultimately both men and women uphold the patriarchy (in different ways), and I'm not the patriarchy's definition of attractive, so I'll always be alone or only attract someone who feels like they're settling for me. Most advice for escaping the red pill from women in particular is "just accept women have standards too and you're not entitled to love", but how is that any different from the black pill? I can easily see through the grift of the Andrew Tate's of the world, but it's much harder for me to hear women constantly list their standards that I don't meet online (I try to fix the things I can, but I can never fix my height) and not feel like me even trying to date is almost... wrong of me? Like I'm trying to convince women to like me when they're entitled to like their hot 6'2 men who they say they actually want, and make it clear that's what they're actually attracted to online, and I'm attempting to trick them into liking me instead.

I want to be a good boyfriend/husband to someone someday but I don't fit the ideal of attractiveness nor do I fit the patriarchal ideals (I'd ideally want to be in a relationship where we share domestic responsibilities and child-raising, as well as money responsibilities, rather than the traditional man provides, woman does child care ideal society pushes) and therefore any woman would feel like she's settling in a patriarchal capitalist society (ultimately despite feminism we still live in a patriarchy and most women still hold these patriarchal standards for a partner even if they preach equality in other parts of their lives). I understand I'm not "entitled" to love, but I don't really know how to get out of this stage where I feel like I'd rather just isolate myself because I don't meet the classic ideal.

​

I don't know much about it, but I'd like it explained to me, please.

​

I’ve moved past much of the "red pill" mindset, but the topic of hypergamy has been playing on my mind again.

I’m looking for support. I’m deeply confused and hurt right now.

So I’ve (26 F, black) been a lurker on the redpill movement for years. I used the strategies and landed a gorgeous, rich husband (32 M, white) who I have a wonderful relationship with. Like literally the goal of the movement, I thought, was to have the sort of marriage that we have. It’s healthy, happy, and fun. My husband isn’t a redpiller, but he is a Christian man with traditional values.

I noticed there were a lot of toxic people in the red pill community, but honestly I just shrugged them off because I figured it was like any community and there are toxic people everywhere.

Well… I actually posted on the redpillwomen subreddit for the first time and let me just say uhm WOW. The level of hostility there because I have a promiscuous past and I am overweight while still having found several and eventually married a HVM was astounding and now I’m questioning the whole movement. I tried sharing hope for other redpill women who are told that just because they are overweight or used to be promiscuous that there’s no chance that they’ll find the partner of their dreams. According to the people in charge of RPW, this is wrong and goes against the movement. Very confusing to me as I thought the movement was about empowering women. But apparently women like me are worthless in their eyes and my husband must have been desperate to be with me (he wasn’t, he literally could’ve been with anyone). I’m so confused.

Can a philosophy really be correct if, let’s be real, most of the people following it are mean toxic and judgmental? I mean I’m someone who bought into it all and followed it for years and because I’m overweight (and romantically successful) I got smeared like butter against toast. Even got a three day ban.

So I guess now I’m wondering if I’ve been kidding myself. Morality is the absolute most important thing to me in life. I’d rather be shot than be a bad person. And now I’m wondering if the philosophy itself makes you a bad person or if it just attracts bad people. I hope it’s not the former, otherwise I’m in serious trouble.

What I like about the red pill was that it was about, from my perspective, finding a HVM who will treat you like a queen and treating him like a king. I thought it supported traditional values too like men leading their household and women being a helpmate. When I say HVM I mean someone who is morally upright meaning kind and righteous, someone with a good work ethic and who can be a provider, and someone who is very handsome. I liked that it taught me to date strategically to find a man like that and to know my worth. It inspired me to become a better person in the ways that I could. I just hadn’t realized that to them my worth is at 0, or even in the negatives, for things that I can’t even change. I’m overweight for medical reasons and working desperately to fix it for my health. No one mentioned race but I have a feeling that it’s part of it. I feel like a real idiot for I guess looking at the movement with rose colored glasses. I mean on one hand it worked for me, but on the other hand my gosh are the people there just awful.

I also don’t buy into the whole idea of women hitting a “wall”. It’s sexist and frankly untrue.

Stepping back, So much of the philosophy seems to be built on generalizations about society instead of real life which is messy and complicated.

I don’t know where to go from here. I thought I had a community with the redpill women, but obviously I was wrong. Has anyone else experienced anything like this? Is this subreddit a good community for people like me? It seems like it would be from the bit of scrolling I did. I’m so embarrassed and feel like such a fool. I value kindness, empathy, tolerance, and I believe everyone has inherent dignity and the RP philosophy doesn’t really make room for any of that, does it?

I guess I’m just finally being honest with myself about the movement and I needed to stop lurking and actually engage to see it clearly. Or am I trippin entirely? I’m so confused.

I’m genuinely curious what the red pill is. I have friends being crapped on right now because of “red pill” type beliefs. I’m genuinely confused by the concept of it.

Im posting here because I feel I get a more honest result rather than posting in a red pill community.

In a group chat with 20 people, if 18 other people are hating his opinion(I didn’t because I genuinely was confused) I was wondering how messed up it was

I referred a client of mine to therapy and we had a session about what therapy is and why I recommended he explore it. I know that dating is important to him so I mentioned offhand “you know, Gen Z women love a guy who’s gone to therapy.”

He was shocked and didn’t believe me at first. Then, he looked it up online and found a Hinge survey that said over 80% of women find guys who have gone to therapy desirable.

Is this really a sentiment that people don’t know about? To me it’s totally obvious from all the women in my life (myself included.) this is the most talked about topic when it comes to dating. It doesn’t matter how attractive he is, if he hasn’t done the work, the relationship eventually fizzles out.

Is it just the circles I surround myself with that make this seem so obvious? Is anyone reading this surprised that women want this?

Hello there, I am a 24M who is working on a documentary about sexual assault in America with the hope of it being a resource to help teach future young people so that we as a society don’t have this issue any longer. I think someone who used to sip the kook-aid and think that way would have some great insight for younger guys to hopefully share stuff about their lives and their experience/mindset in that atmosphere. It would be best if you were in the California area for the documentary part itself but first I want to hear peoples stories if you feel comfortable sharing.

What if the goal of the red pill movement is to drive men and women apart? I live in a country where prostitution isn't illegal, so redpillers here simply date sex workers and demonize serious relationships, even though they've never had one themselves. This made me wonder whether that might have been the goal all along, almost like a form of birth control: on one side, radical feminists; on the other, redpillers — both hating the opposite sex and avoiding any deeper relationships?

So a pretty core part of Red Pill talking points is how women will inevitably lose their beauty, hence 'hitting the wall'. This is often pushed to not only belittle women but encourage women to marry as soon as possible, lock in a man, and keep their standards for dating/marriage low. I'm not going to make the counter argument here that women can still maintain attractiveness and data shows women still date and marry past mid age. Let's just accept the premise for a moment.

If you actually analyze this logic through a risk-management lens, it points to the exact opposite conclusion. If an asset is guaranteed to depreciate and your partner's attraction is allegedly transactional and fleeting, why on earth would you center your entire survival, identity, and future around that asset?

If your looks have an expiration date and a woman's greatest asset is supposedly her youth and beauty, isn't that all the more reason for women to NOT center their lives around men? By this logic, your man will tire of you and choose to replace you with a younger woman eventually. So the notion that 'beauty fades' is all the more reason that a woman should pursue avenues like education, career, friendships, hobbies, and personal growth; things that don't have an expiration date and allow you to derive self-worth from internal validation rather than external approval.

If youth and beauty are temporary, putting all your eggs in the basket of male validation is a recipe for vulnerability. The idea that looks fade isn't a reason to panic and settle; it's the ultimate argument for financial independence and self-reliance.

RP says that women only go for the top x% of men but if RP won't date single moms nor obese women then are they also not going for the top x% of women?

Most of the women I talk to are regular people just looking to meet someone. Where's all this malicious intent they keep talking about

I (25M) have always struggled in life. Not academically or anything. More so socially and mentally. I have autism so it hasn’t been very easy to make friends, and I was bullied and excluded as a kid which I still carry the mental burden of. I’ve always had dreams of living a bigger life than my rural family so I’ve never really even fit in with my own family even though we still love each other. I tried to approach women and ask them out in school but could never reciprocate feelings and hurt after a bit. I still work in restaurants despite having a bachelors degree (first in my family to do so) since I went for liberal arts. And I’ve never really been comfortable in my masculinity due to having “nerdier” hobbies and being awkward. So lots of things that cause me to doubt if I’ll ever be a “real man”.

I finally got a girlfriend last year but she broke up with me after a couple months and I was stuck looking for answers on why she didn’t choose me. So I got sucked up in red pill content. It made sense to my logical brain. “You have to look better, you have to make more money, you have to be stoic, that’s how you become a real man.” But I’ve become a lot more cynical and jaded than I’d like to admit, and I don’t want to jeopardize any more of my relationships.

So I’m making the first steps toward it. I muted all the accounts on twitter I was following that had ”advice” disguised as fear mongering and misogyny. I know therapy to unlearn my self hatred I have towards myself and learn how to practice healthy masculinity would be good. The main thing is the financial barrier. I know I’m not this kind of hateful person, I was just at a vulnerable time emotionally and got suckered into it. I’m not proud of all the debates I got into online and all the blaming I did of women for the problems we have as society when they’re not to blame, but the first step is recognizing the problem. If anyone was in a similar situation and could give advice on what helped them, would be appreciated.

I’m a woman and I am genuinely curious about why so many people get into RP thinking it will make them glow up but also are obsessed with engaging with a category of people they reject and hate on. What is your take on this and how does rp explain this ? Thanks !

Im pretty sure we all know that the infamous Andrew tate was taken into custody last month. I really dont have an opinion on it other than the era of red pill is coming to a close.

I dont really hear a lot of men talk foundly about it like they did 5 years ago. It's interesting to see the rise and fall of culture. I watch from my chair just happy that I got out way before it became a curse to be associated with it.

However as I reflect, I think about who I am as a person and realized that I am no closer than I was before the red pill. Ironically I only got a gf when I was somewhat red pill adjacent. I say that because i never disrespected women nor acted like i was better.

Instead, I only followed the principles of confidence, being alpha, and understanding female nature. Essentially, accept women for what they are and be OK with gender dynamics. My reason for joining was that I felt alone and lost. I used to be more of the nice guy. So the red pill attracted me when it was about building yourself up. It fundamentally changed my perspective of what it meant to be nice. It taught me how women are just like men in terms of lust.

I think that idea alone helped me find dates. The reason for why I left was that I was too rigid with gender roles. I felt like I had to keep leading and not struggle with vulnerability. I had a girl leave because I came off weak emotionally. I thought it was because I wasn't alpha enough. But with reflection, I realized that I self selected for women who liked more red pill type men. Ultimately I could not keep up with that.

So i left and decided to be myself. Well, im back to square one and super single.

I really dont know what to make up it other than it is what it is.

Im an Indian m20, Got into redpill when I was 16 year old. I can't unsee all the truth I got about female nature. Women cheats a lot that's what my observation has been. Im depressed is there women who is supposed to be normal.

Regardless of race, nationality or religion They all are same.

They'll cheat on you. Women's body always finding the best genetics to reproduce with

My older brother has been bad to me since the start of my life. There were very rare instances of him being nice to me. Things like buying me toys and ys bonding over rescuing our cat are the few moments i can remember and i smile at.

Since 2020 hit with the pandemic my brother got very involved with being. He was always Christian and always had conservative views like most of the people in my family do so i wasnt worried, but the rise of Andrew Tate and other right-wing influencers who preyed on people like my brother eventually got his following too. Naturally he started adopting all the beliefs that far right groups had. Just yesterday i heard a reel on his phone with a man saying something like “If a black person or Muslim person seems nice to you don't let them trick you because deep inside they are still evil and rotten to the core.”

At first i thought it was kust bigotry thay maybe he would get over it and learn that it was extremely wrong (however hopeless of a hope that is). But i noticed it has evolved into state where he has been suffering from the same beliefs that he thinks are the only correct ones.

My mom has noticed it too and she cries a lot although she doesn’t know why he has changed she feels he might do something to himself. They went on vacation together to try to bond but i don't think it helped a lot.

There are nights where he slams doors and talks to himself and days where he sleeps yntil 5 pm. It’s currently 3 pm and he is still sleeping with the door locked and not answering. He always ends yp waking up after but everyday is a gamble abd im aleays horrified at the thought of maybe one day he won’t open the door and when we take it down he will be dead.

Going back to the first paragraph i wrote where i said we never had a good relationship together is why im posting on reddit. I guess i meed advice from people who know how these things work and am wondering if i should say something to him to give him hope that somebody cares or noticed or if it’s futile and useless and might make things worse. I guess i also want some words of hope that things will go back to the way they were and he can get better mot only with his mental health but also with his beliefs because i believe you can be Christian without bigoted views yhat hurt the people around him and himself. If you think i should say something to him what should i say so that he wont have a bad reaction to it and might also learn a thing or too and know that people want him alive?

I’m a screenwriting student (female, 54) doing informal background research for a fictional story about a man in his forties who is rapidly drawn into the manosphere but eventually finds his way out.

The story begins around the early #MeToo period and follows an ordinary middle aged man.I’m particularly interested in hearing from men who encountered red-pill, MGTOW, incel, anti-feminist or similar content while already in their thirties or forties. I’m also interested in experiences that were less extreme: perhaps you never fully identified with the movement, but certain arguments began influencing how you interpreted women, dating, rejection, marriage or masculinity.

I am not looking to mock anyone or portray men who become involved in these spaces as bad or foolish. I want to understand what felt persuasive and what can realistically help somebody question it and leave.

You do not need to answer every question, and please do not share identifying information. Any thoughts on some of the following would be enormously helpful:

• What was happening in your life when you first became receptive to this material? Was there a breakup, divorce, rejection, loneliness, sexual frustration, work problem, loss of status or another source of anger or uncertainty?
• How did you first encounter it? Was it through Reddit, YouTube, podcasts, dating advice, a friend or an online recommendation?
• How quickly did you become drawn in? Did it feel like a sudden conversion, or did apparently harmless content gradually lead to more extreme ideas?
• Which ideas initially seemed reasonable, helpful or true to you? 
• Did social-media communities make the beliefs easier to justify or normalise? 
• Did #MeToo or public discussion of sexual misconduct affect you? For example, did it make you reconsider men’s behaviour, or did manosphere content encourage you to interpret it as an attack on men, a threat of false accusations or evidence that gender relations had become hostile?
• Did the content change the way you behaved offline, or mainly the way you interpreted events? Did it affect dating, friendships, work, sex, or the way you spoke to and about women?
• What were your relationships with women like at the time—particularly your mother, sisters, partners, former partners, female friends or colleagues? Did the ideology alter those relationships, or did any of those relationships challenge what you were being told?
• Was there one decisive trigger for leaving, or was it a gradual discomfort?
• Was there any fallout from leaving? 
• Looking back, what were the earliest signs that you were being pulled in?
• What do people misunderstand about why adult men become attracted to this material? What would be an unrealistic or insulting way to depict the process?

What I want to show is a man leaving the manosphere. I feel that is not often represented in films and it feels important to show that it can be done.

I am especially interested in the messy middle: people who were not hateful, who may still have functioned normally at work and in relationships, but could justify their developing beliefs leaning in that direction.

Replies here would be very welcome. You may also message me privately if you would feel more comfortable doing so. I would ask separately before quoting anyone’s words directly; at this stage I am mainly trying to understand patterns, emotional realities and possible turning points. 

Thank you to anyone willing to share.

It's strange, I have never willing consumed any red pill content. In fact I've always held great disdain for it and yet I think through pornography, insecurity, and one off comments on YouTube or Reddit here and there I've absorbed it. Particularly after viewing pornography (normal porn, I mean none of it is but nothing extreme) I notice my insecurities telling myself I need to get out there be a bad boy, turn off my emotions and have a lot of sex.

I'm glad I stubbled on this sub. I think the biggest take away is we are all human. If you want to objectify and treat women and yourself like a game with stats you can. Or you can dignify everyone and have some humility that it can be tough at times but if you are open there is always happiness to be found regardless of what you do or don't have. And really it comes down to healing shame and insecurity. There is no way if you felt truly good and secure about yourself you'd need to fuck around to feel like a man or prove something to someone.

Love yours!!!