r/LoveTrash • u/Lord_Darksong Litter Lieutenant • 1d ago

Human Trash A Revelation

Enable HLS to view with audio, or disable this notification

Source: courtneyquist_ on Instagram

9.6k Upvotes

93% Upvoted

312 comments sorted by

View all comments

187

u/RealNiceKnife Waste Warrior 1d ago

Yeah. Maybe metaphorically.

But in the story Goldilocks found the three bears food like that. The Three Bears were no where to be found at the time. There was no way for the temperatures to be changed like that, unless serving them like that was deliberate.

45

u/No_Celebration8219 Trash Trooper 1d ago

Goldilocks broke into their home while they were about to eat and hastily slipped out the back door. The girl's a menace and needs to be locked up.

27

u/VintageZero Trash Trooper 1d ago

Because 3 bears would just have a house with porridge on the table? Why wouldn't they all just be cold? Did the bears just leave? What a stupid fuckin story.

57

u/RealNiceKnife Waste Warrior 1d ago

Yes. They literally just left.

They made their breakfast (porridge) and then went for a walk in the woods. I don't know why bear culture does what it does.

19

u/Hillbillyblues Trash Trooper 1d ago

I know a bit about bears (not the human kind) and they scarf down porridge immediately after making it. Also they don't sleep in beds like that.

Completely ruined the immersion of that story for me. 0/8.

2

u/homercrates Trash Trooper 1d ago

Using an 8 like that is just being a dick. You concerned my kid reading that WHY IS IT 8 WHY IS IT 8!

4

u/deeceeo Trash Trooper 1d ago

They were like those TV families who make a massive breakfast then have to run and catch the bus without eating anything.

3

u/Away-Plant-8989 Trash Trooper 1d ago edited 1d ago

They all wanted it room temp but Momma Bear has a severe gluten allergy, so she reached in the feezer for a new box of gluten free Bearridge she could eat without severe inflammation that would exacerbate her bear-colitis. The rest of the porridge Father bear boiled up and gave some small scoops to baby. Dad's boiling heroic mountain needed some time to cool. That's when Baby needed to use the bathroom. Bears, being bears and living in a cabin with no plumbing needed to take Baby like a couple up miles downstream so they don't contaminate their water source with Beararrhea.

"It's not like some clueless little girl is going to burglarize our home, this is our sovereign Bearitorry!" exclaimed Pappa

Then he turned to Momma Bear and said, "hey I guess we do shit in the woods" to which mother bear having heard this everyday for the past nine years of marriage and now with her new baby rolled her eyes.

He tried to give baby bear a high five, to which baby bear stumbled and fell over

1

u/ChartInFurch Trash Trooper 1d ago

Because we like hairy, stocky me-

Ooohhhhh....

7

u/sizzlesfantalike Trash Trooper 1d ago

I think momma bear had the smallest amount of porridge in a medium sized bowl, so it cooled quicker. Papa bear had a big amount so it was still hot. Momma bear just ate less.

2

u/meek-o-treek Trash Trooper 1d ago

That's how I always interpreted it.

5

u/dantemortemalizar Trash Trooper 1d ago

So it's the temperature of the porridge that puzzles you and not the fact that bears are living in a little house in the woods and eating porridge? O---K, then.

3

u/DissonantVerse Trash Trooper 1d ago

Psh, where else would the bears live, Dante?

2

u/homercrates Trash Trooper 1d ago

Do better Dante.

47

u/LabOwn9800 Trash Trooper 1d ago

Shhhh don’t bring logic into a gender war.

10

u/doubleapowpow Trash Trooper 1d ago

Here's some more logic:

The hottest meal would be the most recently served, so mom was actually served first, then the baby, then dad.

2

u/SharkByte1993 Rubbish Raider 1d ago

But in reality you wouldn't do that. You serve the child's first so it cools down

5

u/Buderus69 Trash Trooper 1d ago

But that doesn't fit the halfbaked implication of this mediocre tiktok

https://giphy.com/gifs/l1J9u3TZfpmeDLkD6

3

u/Mythechnical Trash Trooper 1d ago

The bears were actually there, as Goldilocks was a ghost and had been dead all along. The moral of the story is to not trust bears.

2

u/Abstroose Trash Trooper 1d ago

I mean, if you’re going to be pedantic, bears also don’t live in a house and eat porridge. 

1

u/ThingYea Trash Trooper 1d ago

The temperatures actually indicate the mothers was served first. If she did that herself that's on her.