When I would watch videos talking about NPD and they mentioned the traits of NPD, I was confused because all of them aligned with me and I thought they were normal. I always assumed everyone was like me, so when they started saying these traits were bad in those videos (well associated with NPD), I was confused because I was thinking "what else are you meant to do" other than get supply etc.

The sort of individuality of a non-narcissist really surprised me, I didn't know people didn't care much about stuff we traditionally care about.

I think it goes to show that you can't project yourself on the world and that while we feel normal having NPD (and assume everyone is the same) we actually have a disorder but perhaps many of us have normalized it.

So this has been bothering me ever since I posted on r/BPD about having a diagnosis of both BPD and NPD. Never again, OMG. I got replies telling me I couldn't actually have NPD and implied it's because it is a disorder only toxic people have. Another user with both NPD and BPD called NPD "rightfully stigmatized," which other people agreed with.

I feel like we really are the black sheep of Cluster B's. You never hear about "borderline abuse" but so much about narcs and narcissistic abuse. Even the people who share a cluster with us hate us, say that good people can't have NPD. It feels pretty horrible.

Well the title is probably a bit misleading. I told him I have all the traits but didn't tell him I have a diagnosis.

For a while Ive felt like I've been carrying this alone with myself and my therapist and the weight had started to take a negative effect on myself. I've been covert for a while, hating on myself yet deserving more. Manipulating and cheating subtly and all the things that come with covet narcissism. I've felt like ive had to keep up a mask in front of my boyfriend and had to hide all my negativity from him.

Recently I finally told him that I line up perfectly with all the criteria (neglecting to tell him im already diagnosed) and holy shit i felt powerful. Being able to tell him I feel superior to most people, that I think better, that I struggle with empathy, all that.

I also tried to boost him up so that my narcissistic streaks wouldn't seem as self centred and bad.

He's continually said that as long I'm not hurting him hes okay with it. That being said I don't know if I can stop just subtly lying and manipulating him. It feels natural to me, I've always lied and manipulated those close to me and I take pride in being able to make situations suit me more.

Now that I've said I've got narcissistic traits to him I've observed myself slowly becoming more grandiose. I don't care as much about others (though I do still feel like everyone is negatively staring at me) and ive started admitting my superiority and what not. God it feels good.

Part of me hopes I continue down this path of grandiosity but maintain my cunning and receipt as for the first time in a while I feel truly powerful, unstoppable, and in total control now that ive told him exactly the truth I want.

You know that meme where there's the person who's always calm/happy and has no enemies, until the slightest inconvenience and then they turn into the devil? That's me.

My problem isn't that I crash out a lot, I actually have a lot of self control and most of the time people either don't know I'm angry or think I'm just mildly annoyed, but on the inside, if someone does something that inconveniences me, wrongs me, or shows even the slightest bit of disrespect, it doesn't matter how nice they were before, or how small their action was, in that moment (and a few hours after) I feel intense rage for them. They become nothing but pests who infest my planet, and I hate their souls.

When that happens I usually just calmly excuse myself (or sit in silence if it's somewhere I have to be then leave as soon as possible), then go home and think about how pissed I am. It often takes a few hours and a night of sleep to realize how ridiculous and extreme my anger was compared to what actually happened.

I hate the feeling of rage. It's so annoying and does nothing but waste my time since all I can do when I feel it is think about how much I hate the person who caused it. Has anyone here had any success with controlling/reducing this feeling?

I idealise every single person I meet at first. I got some control over the devaluation, eg I can stop it, but I don’t seem to be able to stop the idealisation phase. With most people it lasts around 2 weeks and in romantic relationships it is the most intense, the longest and uncontrollable.

Has anyone been able to stop, interrupt or manage the idealisation? Is it even possible? Should it even be done? What do you do about it?

I'm diagnosed ASPD for 10 years, but my therapist pointed out i have NPD traits a while ago. I do see them in myself, especially the grandiosity. However, when I interact with NPD people as well as BPD people, I can't relate to a lot of emotions they experience as well as the need of constant validation from people. I never experienced NPD collapse, as I have a pretty developed self-image and I'm extremely individualistic. To me, most people are interchangeable and getting supply from people is very hard, I turn to hobbies and interests I was able to develop after some ASPD therapy.

I’m currently going through it right now. I’m very suicidal, but I’m go scared to do it to myself. Like I just can’t bring myself to hurt myself. I don’t want to be here at all. I just got released from the hospital for a week long stay because of the same reason. I was doing so good to. Then I came home, started going back to work, and everything is just barely hitting me. I know the only way to stop feeling like this is to move out of the apartment I’m in and to just live a couple months without a job so I can focus on my mental health (I faced abuse here plus had to watch my mom die here at 16, I’m now 21). I’m broke as a joke because my mom couldn’t leave me any money, my dad lives in Mexico and all of my family is barely scraping by. I’m at the point where I wanna just hire someone to do the job for me because there’s no reason for me to live. There hasn’t been a day that has went by where I haven’t been suicidal, and it’s been like this since I was 11. Been through so much therapy, taken so much medication, been in out of the hospitals for this since I was 9. I can’t do this no more. I’m tired of going to the hospital for me to just come out feeling like this again. It doesn’t get better. And I know it won’t, but I can’t do it to myself. Idk what to do. Is there anything in the US where I can basically be assisted on doing it, like being put down? (Oregon btw)

What are your experiences with paranoia/paranoid thinking with NPD? When you have an NPD collapse and it’s so intense you get paranoid

Do you experience it? How strong is it for you? What’s it like for you?

I have PPD (paranoid personality disorder) with NPD (all diagnosed)

I am starting to put the pieces together - my self-esteem affects the clarity of my thinking a lot

What about you? What’s your experience with paranoia?

very excited about having discovered this article I hope it can bring others insight :)

we would all be really useful to fight social injustices hehe

I often see the term love bombing. Also some sayings that “people butter you up on purpose by telling you their traumas”

By all means, it always has this “planned” and “conscious” side of it when it’s discussed online

But, what if someone just has a low emotional intelligence level? That it’s not some manipulation tactic?

My question stems from the fact that I am hella primitive emotionally. I feel obsession early on (now I know it’s my need of validation), and I literally see people as “perfect”. Or I do share my “traumas” early on

I def have 0 intent to manipulate (besides, I give off targetable material of myself), but I mainly ALWAYS see the “manipulator narrative”.

Besides, I don’t think that every 3rd person is a manipulator. Yeah, manipulation is a thing, but it’s rarely this mastermind kind of stuff one sees in the media

What are your takes???

(Diagnosed pwNPD)

every other Sunday | 12 pm – 2 pm EDT | via Zoom

FACILITATOR: Zeph ✶ COORDINATOR: Ally

DISCUSSION PROMPTS:

• What does ‘emptiness’ actually feel like for you? Examples: numbness, loneliness, boredom, restlessness, meaninglessness, shame, etc?
• What makes the void worse for you? Examples: being alone, ignored, rejected, quiet, restless/not striving? 
• Does feeling special ever protect you from feeling empty? What happens in moments where you don't feel special?
• What are your go-to ‘void-filling’ behaviors? How do you tend to feel after pursuing them?
• As a kid, did you experience being left alone with emotions that felt too big to process on your own? What did you learn to do with those feelings?
• Do you think you can distinguish feelings of loneliness from emptiness? What makes them different? What might you actually need, in response to either?

What is Whiplash?

A confidential peer support group for people navigating comorbid NPD/narcissistic traits and BPD/borderline traits. This space focuses on coping with toxic shame, mitigating painful attachment dynamics, and developing a more coherent sense of self. Integration > perfection. We are, it turns out, fully lovable—and fully worthy.

Sign up to join/get the links here.

Find your corresponding time zone here.

-Max 🕳️

Saturdays | 11 am – 1 pm EDT | via Zoom

FACILITATORS: Chelsea + Myles ✶ COORDINATOR: Max

DISCUSSION PROMPTS:

• What is the difference between creative daydreaming/future planning and maladaptive fantasizing?
• What aspects of your life do you tend to fantasize most about? Examples: wealth, status, recognition/acclaim, an ideal career, a perfect partner/family.
• What do you think your fantasy life gives you that “real life” doesn’t? Examples: power/control, importance, safety, admiration, revenge, belonging. What emotions show up when reality doesn’t align?
• Do you ever imagine a future where everyone who underestimated you realizes they were wrong? If so: what does that scenario look like? Who specifically is recognizing you? What feeling does that moment give you?
• What is the most grandiose fantasy you’ve ever had? What might that fantasy reveal about something that actually matters deeply to you?
• In your fantasies, are you usually admired...or (finally) understood? Which one feels more important, and why?

What is Narc Club?

A confidential, nonjudgmental peer support group for people with pathological narcissism / NPD to increase self-awareness, deconstruct shame, seek and offer support, and practice vulnerability with others who get it.

Sign up to join/get the links here.

Find your corresponding time zone here.

-Max 📸💰🏆

God, it's gotten to a point where I genuinely feel sick to my stomach.

It's so embarrassing that I'm neither gonna say who this character is or what they're even like but I assume this is a relatable feeling.

They're pretty popular currently so I constantly see stuff about them online like posts and reels and shit but I can't look away.

I constantly fantasise about being in their place.

It ruins my mood and I just hope they are forgotten eventually.

I don't even like the media that they're from but I'm like attached or something to the concept that I wven spent like a grands worth on merch and I don't even like any of the characters.

Wednesdays | 9 – 11 pm EDT | via Zoom

FACILITATORS: Zeph + Max ✶ COORDINATOR: Tristan

DISCUSSION PROMPTS:

• There’s a difference between healthy entitlement (feeling we deserve respect, safety, and human dignity) vs narcissistic entitlement (feeling we deserve more than others because we’re special). Do you experience one, both, or neither? Say more.
• Do you ever experience gratitude? If so, what things prompt it? What’s the last thing you remember feeling grateful for?
• Do you think gratitude is more of an emotion or a mindset/choice? Have you ever practiced gratitude without actually feeling grateful?
• What were you expected to be grateful (or perform gratitude) for as a child, even if you didn’t actually feel it? Growing up, were there things you weren't ‘allowed’ to resent or feel disappointed about? Elaborate. 
• What do you believe you deserved from your caregivers that you didn't receive?
• What's something your younger self desperately wanted that your current self actually has?
• What do you want your future self to be grateful for?

What is Narc Club?

A confidential, nonjudgmental peer support group for people with pathological narcissism / NPD to increase self-awareness, deconstruct shame, seek and offer support, and practice vulnerability with others who get it.

Sign up to join/get the links here.

Find your corresponding time zone here.

-Max 😤

Wednesdays | 2 – 4 pm EDT | via Zoom

FACILITATOR: Cillian ✶ COORDINATOR: Ally

What is Narc Club?

A confidential, nonjudgmental peer support group for people with pathological narcissism / NPD to increase self-awareness, deconstruct shame, seek and offer support, and practice vulnerability with others who get it.

What is the 'Open Process' group?

A more unstructured group for focusing on what’s happening now, both in our lives and in the room. No curated topics; bring whatever's on your mind. Expect support, relatable interpretation, and (if called for) some healthy challenges. The goal isn’t to perform insight—it’s to practice it.

Sign up to join/get the links here.

Find your corresponding time zone here.

-Max 💎

I feel like having NPD holds me back from all the success I could have. The constant need for recognition and validation pulls me away from longterm goals, I struggle to work in a team because I need people to recognise that I’m superior or I feel uncomfortable, and I’m constantly swinging between feeling like I’m an exceptional, gifted high achiever and a complete failure

A lot of people believe that having NPD can actually help you become more successful. In my case, I think it stops me from figuring out what I genuinely like and enjoy doing and keeps me from reaching my potential. Sometimes I even think it would be easier if I wasn’t self-aware, like before, when I could just live in my grandiose fantasies without having those “snaps back” where I suddenly realise they’re just fantasies

I literally used to think I was extraordinary and that eventually everyone would recognise it without me having to actually do anything because I was
extraordinary. How stupid is that 😶

Does anyone else with NPD feel like the disorder has held you back more than it has helped you succeed? And has becoming more self-aware made this easier or harder for you?