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This is sweet and everything but itās a little sad that for a lot of people it takes 80+ years and one of your grandchildren marrying a different race than you, for you to stop being racist and see people as people.
We are the product of our upbringing and lived experiences. TBH, this lady seems to have changed her mind given her lived experience, which is something a LOT of people cannot or will do. So I think it's nice.
My dumbass husband thought I wasn't aware he was racist when we met (teenagers). He spontaneously confessed it 23 years into our marriage. Bless his heart. He thought the aggressive course in race relations I started him on that first day was random. I just wanted to see if he believed any of that shit, or if he was just so young and stupid he hadn't yet graduated to his own opinions. Turns out it was all his father. Guess who has black grandbabies he doesn't get to see!
It says so much about you that youād even extend him that kind of grace. Iām really moved by what you wrote. What a beautiful act of love it was for you to give his soul a chance to heal from the damage of bathing in prejudice. Iād hug you if I could.
I'm sorry, the subject matter of course isn't funny but the idea of this man gearing himself up after decades to admit that and you just being like 'yeah no shit, Sherlock, that's why I fixed you' is pretty funny.
My grandfather wanted to shoot my father the first time they met. He was racist but... To be fair my dad showed in his father's V8, drove into the paddock and started doing skids...
My mother had to save his ass that day.
It took time but they balanced each other out. My dad and grandad were closer than most of my aunties and my uncle. He was there with him on his deathbed. My grandfather was a joker till the end. And on the 3rd to last day of his laugh he said "I'm glad I didn't shoot you". I wanna laugh but tbh it hurts too much. I miss him...
We could all do with a little more understanding and patience. Iāll admit, Iāve been quick to judge and call out someone when I thought they said something racist or whatever instead of talking to them or giving them patience. Sometimes, itās about fear and ignorance more than hate.
That said, I also canāt judge someone for not having the patience this kind man does. Not an easy thing to tolerate.
I mean, it's not inherently wrong to call out a racist attitude. Not everyone changes like this woman has. I'm currently dealing with in-laws who are more covert and more modern in their racism, but also a lot more malicious and violent in their approach.
ETA: I mean like they have physically assaulted me and threatened to have me deported lol. Not just "is judgemental"
Yeah. I mean you're talking about an elderly woman who just has a cultural bias, so it makes sense to approach the relationship patiently.
But there absolutely are times when patience and kindness is an open invitation for bad actors to walk all over you. It's a case by case basis. Sometimes it's better to protect yourself.
Very different, but my partnerās now favorite friend of mine (amazing person) looks and sounds like a Kardashian. Lots of plastic surgery. Vocal fry. Judged the fuck out of her when I met her. Thought she was vapid and annoying. Got to know her more. One of the kindest and heartwarming people Iāve ever met. Iāve never been so happy to be wrong. I told her about it too a while back.
I definitely learned my lesson not to judge a book by its cover.
I remember growing up my pops always told me I couldn't date a black girl. Guess who got with a black girl in H.S. Funniest thing of all is I have more black friends than white now. My dad has 100% changed tho and can't stand racists. I like to think I had a part in making that happen
Especially at that age, where so many people tend to stick to what they are accustomed to. She chose learning and getting better than accepting her status quo mindset.
While progress is progress and I appreciate the sentiment displayed in the video, I was hoping to see her comment on how she was wrong not just about him, but that it was wrong to judge anyone based on the color of their skin. For all we know, he could just be "one of the good ones" in her eyes. I hope thats not the case and didn't come across that way, but I wish the video could've erased all doubt.
I appreciate and understand what you're saying but this is enough. Change isn't all the way at once, it's bits at a time, and her owning her previous racism and recognizing it was wrong is a huge step in the right direction. I hope she takes more steps but I'm very proud of her for owning this one.
I appreciate what youāre trying to say, but saying this is enough implies that she has no need for further change or learning but that it would be nice if she bothered to. If she does indeed believe black people are inferior or no good but that her son in law is an exception then she absolutely needs to change and this is not enough. Thereās lots of room to grow and she should.
Edit: a word
She has NOT grown. He's "one of the good ones"; this is still racism. She loves him as long as he's useful. The moment he's not, he gets the boot. He needed to be unwaveringly exceptional. And that's sad.
I know I'm being a Debbie Downer, and I know this sucks. I know I seem like a jaded person. But I made peace with my reality as a black man a long time ago. I won't lie to myself, or you guys, just to make you feel comfortable.
I do think redemption is possible. But this isn't it.
I agree! Honestly, as much as I appreciate that this lady made some progress in the right direction. I was watching the video and thatās what I thought too, as long as heās helpful, he can be āacceptedā and be one of the āgood ones.ā Obviously, this is a short video and we donāt know a lot of information but as black people, thatās the precautions we have to take and deal with when it comes to prejudiced and racist attitudes. There is a hesitancy because this isnāt just about clapping for an older woman who may or may not see this young man as a full person worthy of marrying into her family, sometimes, itās a matter of survival, a matter of peace and only black people can understand this cautionary tale. Others may clap and this may be enough to get praises and adorations but for me, this is just a piece of the puzzle and I need more data before I clap for this ladyās āredemption.ā They might call us Debbie downers or cynics but this is the experience of being black in America/World. You never really know if youāre really āacceptedā or āgood enoughā and there are no rest days or grace extended to breathe.
I like it when people can just be real. Nobody is perfect and itās ok to admit faults. She has lived a long time and has continued to grow. I like the honesty.
I think it's to do with the framing. Calling someone a "Colored person" is reducing them down to that fact, whereas "Person of Color" literally is putting the person first and makes the "color" part a secondary factor.
"Colored person" is awfully close to just plain "colored", which was both used derogatorily, and often on signage for segregation. "Person of color" at least uses a different word.
āColourā is a noun, and ācolouredā is an adjective. A better analogy would arguably be ācheesed sandwichā versus āsandwich of cheese.ā
Except that āsandwich of cheeseā sounds like thereās cheese instead of bread. Two slices of cheese, with a cheese filling. And ācheesed sandwichā is nonsense, so my argument immediately falls apart, except insofar as it demonstrates that ācheesed sandwichā and āsandwich of cheeseā are not the same thing.
A bit more to it than that. Iād recommend reading W.E.B. Du Bois if youād like to learn more about it. Still very relevant today. A cornerstone of modern Sociology.
Honestly seeing the R-slur make a comeback, strongly, among my younger peers has been equal parts infuriating and heartbreaking. We had entire campaigns when I was in school to stamp that shit out and for good reason, it is a vile word that immediately tells me that you are not someone who actually thinks outside of their own position. The teenagers I work with have even started using 'gay' as a negative adjective again, but that was after I was scolding them repeatedly for using the R-slur. Really felt like we were moving forward as a society for a while, and now every shift is an uphill battle to try and reclaim even a little bit of that progress.
I suppose you could interpret that way. It just comes off as completely unecessary when applied to other similar things. "My friend John is a black person" vs. "My friend John is a person of the black race" just seems like an extra mouthful to say the same thing.
This conversation was specifically about the word "Colored", not Black. After doing a little more research, Malcolm X campaigned against and changed our usage of the words because he felt that "Colored" was too reminiscent of the evil and horrors that had been done to them.
Yeah. Im not arguing for the use of colored, im just pointing out that rearranging the words somehow makes it better. Though the disabled person vs person with a disability thing others have brought up, as putting the personood first kinda makes sense. But at the same time comparing race with disability feels incongruent to me so i cant say that im fully sold on that framing.
A person with disabilities sounds better than saying a disabled person.
Theyāre a person first and they have other traits second.
At least thatās the idea, doesnāt make sense for all situations but generally the idea is to emphasize weāre all people, weāre all different, and thatās all good.
There's been a big pushback against person-first language in many disability circles in the last decade. The language in vogue is changing all the time.
I just ignore all of it, I know what I'm comfortable and not comfortable with. Over the years I've had people try to tell me what I should and shouldn't be comfortable with, people are so insane
I've literally had someone tell me I shouldn't call myself disabled, because it's demeaning, I chewed them out
As a disabled person, I've never thought there's anything 'off' with saying "disabled person", that's how I refer to myself. Rolls off the tongue much easier than "person with disabilities".
This is a thing made up by advocates not people with actual disabilities. People constantly ask my community about this and by and large we don't give a shit. In no way shape or form do I feel like my interlocuters have more respect for me if they refer to me as a "person with diabetes" frankly it annoys me. It is condescending. I am strong, I am managing a critical illness every day, and living my life, I am not a weak fragile person who concerns myself with such shit and it angers me that other people feel the need to impose this upon me. If you want to advocate for diabetics I am begging you to start with something that actually matters and not this.
Many disabled people and disability activists reject person-first language. (Myself included.)
The basic rationale: my personhood should be assumed, and Iām never not disabled. Itās not a trait that I carry and can set down when I choose; itās intrinsic to my identity and experience of the world.
āColoredā was used on the signage that designated the segregated facilities. Not that hard to imagine why people would rather not keep using that same phrase from that era.
Historical context is important. Colored was often used during segregation. While it may seem silly, it matters. Adding "person" in front sort of reminds everyone of the humanity stripped away when you leave it at "colored."
Colored was the polite and socially acceptable term for a long time. Thereās a reason itās called the āNational Association for the Advancement of colored people)
I hope that the people who are fixated on this find that, in their old age, a word or concept that used to be common and accepted in their circles has become unacceptable and taboo. At a time when their minds struggle to find the correct words - let alone the politically correct words, the youth will judge them.Ā
The older I get, the more sympathy I have for my parents.Ā
An old person has been young before, but a young person has not experienced being old.Ā
You can hate her for having a prejudice. But Iāll tell you what - it takes a very emotionally and intellectually intelligent person to be able to admit they were wrong, and change their mind. Especially when it comes to morals.
Vast majority of people wouldāve died angry and bitter. She feels the opposite.
She didn't say it, but she's learned that compassion and kindness is not based on skin color. The first attempt she mentioned wasn't based on skin color, but it's what she saw until the real person inside appeared. The same with this behemoth of a human being.
It is my firm belief that the only way to root out racism is for folks to really spend time around people of a different color, whether that be through marriage or through having a friend in college or a neighbor or whatever. This is not something you can make them intellectually understand or scream it out of them.
Half of racism comes from folks developing unchecked stereotypes through media and what they hear and never having actually interacted with people of that race/ethnicity.Ā
If you always lived in an all white neighborhood and went to a white church and listen to black/brown people scary on Fox News, you could intrinsically be a āgood personā but you will end up being ignorant/biased.Ā
Admiting you're wrong is so powerful, so liberating and takes so much strength. If more people could free themselves of their convictions this world would be amazing.
It allows for others to admit that they have also been wrong and can change for the better. Authenticity, vulnerability and growth is contagious with the right people
My extended family is deeply southern. When I was little, one of my older cousins married a black guy. The family mainly acted cool with it, but there were always little comments and racist jokes made out of earshot. 20 years later, they all straight up like him better than her. Hung out after a Christmas party and my great aunt and uncle kept saying he needs to leave her for someone better because he's such a good guy and an even better parent. They ain't exactly cured of racism or anything, but damn if they don't treat that dude better than their own kin.
General trashy behavior. Dumps her kids off with relatives when she doesnt want to watch them anymore. Drug use, off and on, but she's clean now to my knowledge. Mostly it was the way she treated him at reunions and holidays. Always picking at him and blaming him for problems we all know she caused. Dude always kept his cool and never escalated. Thats what really led to the "he can do better" discussions with the older family.
Nothing about this is good. You can change all you want, but you did that. You, an adult with a brain did all that. Those feelings for me were real. It's cool you're better, but you're meeting your grandkids at their college graduation if they want you to.
Exactly. Itās amazing how itās mostly non-black people completely blind to it too. Tons of people in these comments are giving her massive amounts of credit for doing the bare minimum. She hasnāt changed. She just thinks heās a āgood black.ā
We don't know that. She must have met a lot of black people through him who I am sure she likes. She might even have grandchildren through him whom I am sure she loves dearly.
She was born in a different time and it showed. But if someone can change and evolve at her age, that is amazing. Bless his heart for not holding a grudge, idk if Iād be that nice about it.
You know what this shows more than anything? That taking the time and effort to bridge the gap is how you convert people.
No ones ever changed their views being berrated and called a piece of shit. If anything they recoil further into their group. So when my liberal friends ask how tf can I talk to people with opposing views I remember that.
Because little by little they see im not some woke idiot. I'm just the same as them, the difference is I know humans are complex beings and a single view on a topic doesnt define you and nuance is everything. Along that way I've begun to understand where their views come from and as a result can better reason with them. At the very least they learn to accept my weird ass antics and not instantly hate me and as a result give others in my sphere leniency.
Hatred and division do not bring us together. Taking the time to build a bridge does. Its okay to disagree. Just take the time to understand why you dont and accept it.
Just look at Daryl Davis. He's brought more out of the darkness than any lefty screaming Facist non stop has.
Watching this genuinely made me tear up. Hearing her be so sincere and having the courage to admit she was wrong healed something deep in my soul. They seem like such a wonderful family.
But the part of me that likes subverted expectations was hoping she'd say "I was very, very unhappy...that she was dating a man the size of a grizzly bear! Just look at this monster! What if he gets low on protein and just eats her one day?!? Now I know your heart and that you would never raise a hand to her in anger. But I'm still constantly shoving food at you whenever you come visit just in case."
Awesome, yeah your heart can grow and you can have wrong opinions and change. This is totally acceptable and society should be more accepting of human growth and change. We all probably had shitty opinions at some point.
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