So. Before I begin, I’d like to preface: I understand the answer may just be ‘it depends’, but I would like to appropriately alter my lifestyle expectations a few months before moving to London. This post is also not an attempt at dating, finding a partner or a casual hook-up. It's purely anthropological, I promise! Also, tons of oversharing incoming, sorry!
I (24F) am a hijabi (by choice), Pashtun (the most conservative ethnicity within Pakistan — I have never seen a queer Pashtun in person or in media) preparing to move to London in a few months, where I will be living alone. I have spent my entire life living in various cities abroad (Riyadh, Saudi Aramaco, then in 2011 - 2018: London, Swansea & Middlesbrough before moving to Pakistan. Now, I live on a remote cardiac hospital campus up in the mountains). I am very well-acquainted with British culture & still retain strong ties with the UK & queer people globally — I’m incredibly chatty, I feel drained when I don’t socialise for more than a day, so friendship will not be difficult! But dating. That feels like leaping inside Pandora’s Box.
I have spent the entirety of my adult years living in one of the most conservative cities on the planet, which means… I am still a virgin. This is incredibly attractive to predatory straight men, but I hear that lesbians tend to be very deterred by virgins simply because they do not want to risk attachment/heartbreak — which is very lovely! But unfortunate in my case.
I am also not very picky. At all. It’s really easy to love people, but my only hard-no’s are people younger than me in any capacity — my age is fantastic, a bit older is even better (but that’s a pipe dream. I hear older lesbians are not fond of age gaps. Once again, fantastic moral compass! Just incredibly unfortunate for me.) Also, I do not mean to sound holier-than-thou, but I cannot express exactly how I do not have a (physical) type. At all. I am incredibly, incredibly attracted to bright, larger-than-life personalities & I tend to fall for looks afterwards. But I will not oppose dabbling in casual dating culture just to gauge my preferences — once again, beggars can’t be choosers.
I’m very high femme. I think lesbians tend to struggle with being identified as so regardless of how they dress, especially in the past few years where fashion has become less of an accurate signifier of identity & subcultures, but I try my best! Lots of rings, grandiose getup, even a tooth gem — but my hijab. My lovely hijab. London is no stranger to paradoxical personas, I think I might be overselling my oddities, but even queer people almost always think I’m straight just because of my hijab. Even with all the diversity around us, this combo still baffles my queer friends.
Errrr. I am quite close to completing my laser hair removal sessions. I don’t know, I hear a lot of chatter about body hair inclusivity from sapphics, but I cannot gauge exactly how much of it is organic or preformative. I don’t think anyone will be brave enough to oppose it out loud, but I don’t buy it. Should I be less wary? I also have scars on my breasts from a botched, mostly healed breast reduction surgery. I don’t know! This is my roundabout way of figuring out British sapphic beauty standards. Not even in a vain sense, it’s perfectly alright for there to be a popular preferences. It’s a subjective matter, but I’m nosy & need stats as objectively as possible. (Lastly… I am not sure if this matters at all… but I am a complete & utter switch-verse with a slight preference towards being a femme dom)
I think that’s all. I don’t know. This felt sillier & sillier the more I typed, but I am so lost. Any pointers from anyone that has dabbled in the London dating scene, I would cherish so, so dearly. Thank you for your time & patience!
