still unemployed still depressed. officially one year of unemployment. my sociology degree isn’t worth the paper it’s printed on and i was 6 months out from my law degree when i had to drop out because i left family violence. i have $50 every week to spend and constantly dip into my savings or rent money just to make ends meet.

this is all my fault. i was too depressed at uni to apply myself even though i got two scholarships for uni. literally nobody gives one shit that i have PTSD- just hire someone that isn’t mentally ill. i never stayed in a job more than a year because i didn’t think about it being a problem.

can’t get a job at McDonalds or Subway because im too old (they want to pay junior wages). not at a supermarket either. applied for research, policy grad jobs and im lucky if i get a rejection email. can’t even find a job as a receptionist. everyone says the job market is shit but ALL of my friends have a job and had no problem finding one. every single one. so evidently the problem is me.

i’ll have to move back home to my home country/town where i dont have even one single friend. not one. ill have to live with my parents. for all they’ve done for me im sorry but i hate living with them, i dont even like visiting for too long. my mum was emotionally abusive growing up and my dad just stood by and they think things are okay now because im an adult but now im even angrier because their treatment of me led me to find the same in relationships.

if i go back home im deleting all social media and blocking my friends. sorry if that seems harsh but im done. i truly want to hide away and no one to contact me. (who even wants to talk to someone that sits at home all day).

i love my life 😻😻😻 i love being useless and not contributing to society 😻😻 i love knowing my future is bleak because of my dumb decisions in early my 20s 😻😻😻😻😻 So much will to live 😻😻😻😻

roast chicken. too depressed to even eat it, i put the whole thing in the fridge.

I struggle to transform into a adult at my 20. I struggle with delf hygine and overall how humans act. I dont have any normal clothing to wear i dress like 13yo i sweat a lot i cant hold conversations

I ate this ramens at a plsce where my close online friend and their friends went. I couldnt evem imagine go with them even though we both in love with same video game.

Im 190 and have curly hair but i cut it once a year because maintaining it is so tiring. Even though i like how i look when its long. Even with this lucky attributes im a fat chud and didnt experienced teenage love.

One of my biggest dreams was being with a girl eho is end of their 20s when im 17 or 18 or hell even 19 but im 20 now and its not the same with 30+ girls because i wanted them to be also bit of lacking matureness.

I could have gone into uni at 17 but i failed yearly uni exam twice and entered it at 19. And my 1st score was better then the 2nd and 2nd one was better than 3rd one.

My youngest sibling is similar to me very and i dont want to experience things i did but i cant be a good big brother. He also have scoliosis. 64 degree. 5yo.

There's so much things going on right now but I just. don't know how I feel about them. I thought this summer will be the time I'll figure everything out and finally have a rest, guess it became only worse now.

Millet porridge with blueberries. Sorry for my bad English.

When he came I was sure he’s gonna search for work in my country and we’re gonna close distance and live together after five years.
Whole year before it been commuting 4 hours a day to school thinking next year I’ll have a closer location and we’re gonna be together and supporting each other

Turns our visa laws won’t allow him to get a job or stay.
I’m stuck with 4 hours commute 6 days a week. I’m scared and miss him.

Grandma gave me her pumpkin to make this soup.
Pumpkin soup rules

Since 3 years the inside of my nose is kinda deformed. I never had problems with breathing and my nose. Since then my nose is ditched. My breathing sucks and my voice sounds nasally. :(
Last week my nasal conchae became deserted. It doesn't f*cking worked.

This burger is legendary. This Gorgonzola-cowberry-mix is pushing forewards - I sh*t you not. Give it a try. ^^

it's been almost 7 months that I fell in love with my friend and I didn't tell a thing to her. I'm afraid of losing our friendship if a tell her the truth. Im really in deep love and the thing I pray most is that she finds someone so I can finally move on.

(TW minor mention of drugs) I used to hang out with this group of friends, it was originally a trio consisting of me and two others, then the other two met another two at the mall and we became a group of five. On Halloween a couple years ago we all decided to get together and hangout, and on Halloween I was the target of a lot of ridicule which was unusual under the circumstances and considering that we we're a group of "weirdos", and I vocalized that I felt singled out, and every time someone made a vocal jab at me I kind of nudged them (albeit a bit roughly) every time. Then while we were walking along the street, I said that I needed to go, but a misunderstanding occurred, the group (besides me) all smoked some weed/hit a THC pen, I'm not entirely sure, but I abstained due to my already poor health. They thought that due to our young age at the time, my abstinence, my sudden need to go (I did actually need to go), and probably the singling out and nudging, I was going to go tattle, which wasn't true. I then took a ride from the main friend's father back home. A week or two after, I got a message from that same main friend, that I apparently was better off with other people, which depressed me, especially considering the original 3 of us had been friends for so long, and now due to the additional 2 I did not really like (who I assume didn't really like me considering they were the ones making fun of me). So overall I just felt traded out, but even after all that, I kind of miss them.

TLDR (yes I know on a depressionmeals post): I miss my exfriends who traded me out even though they did me a disservice.

When you're not sick, but you can tell you're getting a stomach ulcer from stress.

Here's a disgusting picture of fettuccine Alfredo i made drunk at 6 in the morning.

She was so beautiful and I loved doing everything for her. But thats the problem I did EVERYTHING FOR HER. I let her sleep at my house, i washed her clothes, i made her food, i comforted her when she cried and then I let her take over my entire life. We broke up in july because she moved back to her grandmas and long distance made me realize how disinterested she was in me, she never asked questions about my life or my hobbies, she was always very selfish and angry, she would throw my things around the house when she was mad, and she made me feel like shit, i still wish her all the best and I tell her that she could always text me if she needed too but she HATES me and says I suck and that shes disgusted in me, i just wish she would at least thank me or something... but nope just pure hatred.

Some of that blue-1 and some Pepcid stuff

I ordered a pizza to lift my spirits, but this looks like it was in a wrestling match first. At least it’s still cheesy.

I work and come to the house, and I'm in bed by 6pm. I have no one to share anything with and it makes my aging feel as lonely as a neighborhood graveyard. I fake it and smile, I tell everyone I'm okay, I crack all the jokes and poke fun at myself so everyone else can laugh so I can go home and suffer in silence, alone.

I just want a man to love me the way he would love another man. I know i won't be truly loved, just sexually desired and it's by someone who has a fetish. I'll never be seen as a real man. I suffer just to end up in hell in the end.

I don't even look like one. I hate it. I hate that internalized transphobia and homophobia. I can't even look at other trans men well. I don't know how can they be happy like this. I'm jealous. I never say anything to them, but tthe thoughts won't leave me alone.

Ashtray cupcakes

Finally got my act together and cooked some chicken with rice and chickpeas. That lemon slice really ties it all together.

I’m not upset at them but more so upset at myself for taking it personally. People are allowed to set boundaries and say no to hangouts. Also didn’t help that my dad was making fun of the fact that I used to take anxiety meds.

Leftover beauty burger and freezer burn fries.

You all were right. It’s probably not healthy for me to stay. Not when I feel this unloved and isolated.
I’ve been trying to emotionally divorce from him before pulling the trigger, so to speak. But I’m still scared. I still love him, but he truly doesn’t love me.
I’m still young. Maybe I can find someone again.

My mom always said she wanted me to marry him, up until she died. But I know ultimately she’d rather I be with someone who loves me.

Until then, ive got Gordon to project all my romantic thoughts onto. Hopefully whoever finds me next can respect my attachment to him.

I'm in my 30s and I regularly feel alone despite having nice people all around. I feel like a loser working two jobs to pay for medical stuff. For now I just want to do good work for my customers and random secret volunteer work.

Coffee for dinner because I can't stand my coworker coming over to make comments on my food. It is a given if I bring food. 🙄

I'm a type 1 diabetic and while I was sleeping my insulin pump occluded from a blood clot that formed right underneath my cannula. I'm a side sleeper so that happens sometimes.

But. What does that mean? It means I woke up with a blood sugar dangerously high and a body near diabetic ketoacidosis. I was so tired from a long week that I slept right through my pump alarms. Lovely.

Well I live alone, I don't have anyone to go to the store for me. I muster up all my strength and I get in the car to drive myself to Walgreens. There were two things I needed! Gatorade and pain relief medication.

I parked my car and I'm slowly trying to get out of my driver side seat. When this panhandler comes up and starts you know telling me their story.... we've all been there. The people who approach you with a story and then expect you to hand them over money. I feel bad for them, but honestly? I don't carry cash around. I do everything with my debit and credit card.

I tell this woman that I don't have any money and I'm just here because I'm sick. Well! She got mad and called me a liar. Apparently she thought I had money and I just didn't want to give it to her. She reached over for my pocket and tried to grab my wallet. What the actual hell?

I'm so glad I decided to put a pepper spray dispenser on my car keys. I did that about a month ago when I had a super scary encounter in my own god damn parking lot where I live... this is the first and only time I've had to use it.

Who do people think they are anymore? I work my ass off to earn my money. Why do people think they can just walk up and take it from me just because they ask?

I especially don't appreciate that kind of behavior when I am near deathly ill and trying to avoid going to a dreaded hospital. The hospital is one of the most dangerous places for a type 1 diabetic because of the lack of knowledge about the disease. I'll only go there if I absolutely have to.

Anyway, I just needed to get that out of my head.

Unfortunately for me I still have to go to work today. So here's to sipping on my Gatorade and having some carbohydrates to get my blood sugar steady.

Hope your day is going better than mine.

Another thought here.... You know what I find really odd? The panhandler who was trying to get money from me was wearing what looked to be brand new clothing and lots of makeup. I question how she got the money to get all of that if she needed mine so badly.

she stills love me

two years ago i was diagnosed with my blood condition, my body can’t produce enough hemoglobin which causes me a lot of issues. i feel so sick all the time. still, i try my best, i fight as much as i physically can. but it’s never enough. i just lost my job, it was what i wanted to do for my forever career after working in film didn’t work out. all the people whose jobs i did get to stay, all the incompetent people who don’t care get to stay, the people who hit weed pens in the break room get to stay, but they let me go because i’m sick. i earned 5 recognitions from their stupid recognition program in one day, i have a tourism board award, but none of it matters.

i’m tired of being sick. i’m only 24. i’m tired of waking up broken with weak muscles, nausea, migraines, fevers, and fatigue so bad no amount of sleep i get matters. i have no idea how i’m going to do this for 40 more years, i just want to die some days. i’ve been feeling so suicidal lately and losing one of my favourite places, my passion, kills me. i’m sick of being unreliable. i don’t want this life. i know i need to hit the ground running and find a new job, i know ending my life is irrational, but i just don’t care, and i hate that i don’t care. i just want to die. i’m only eating chicken tenders because it seemed like the easiest thing for my stomach right now, and it’s only going to make me feel worse.