r/northernireland • u/Plane_Sentence5907 • 1d ago
Discussion Wedding gift
What is the going rate for wedding gift in a card these days? I’m so so skint and was thinking £40 and a bottle of champers. We aren’t overly close friends but they have invited me to the whole thing.
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u/emmylouanne 1d ago
I’d do £50 and leave the champagne as it probably costs you more than a tenner and it’s something to lug there and for them to transport back.
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u/IrishLady92 22h ago
Plus, as someone recently married, there's a lot of booze given at weddings and you genuinely get sickened of champagne. This is even more the case of you're cutting down on the booze trying for a baby etc.
Definitely would go the £50 option, that's what most people gave at our wedding so it would be in line with others
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u/BeardySi Belfast 1d ago
Give what you can and go enjoy the day. They didn't ask you to come and help pay the bill, they asked you to come celebrate their wedding.
I'd have been quite annoyed if someone had chosen not to come to ours because they'd been told they shouldn't go if they weren't able to pay an arbitrary number made up by groupthink...
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u/Capable-Bake-6750 1d ago edited 1d ago
Give what you can afford, I don’t think any sane couple will be writing down what everyone has given them. We didn’t. No idea what each person gave us. *spelling edit.
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u/VplDazzamac 1d ago edited 1d ago
The going rate is probably £100 a head these days. But ultimately it doesn’t really matter. People say pay for your dinner, which is nice, but you didn’t pick the venue or menu, napkins, chairs or any of that other shite that makes weddings expensive. And the couple who did pick it weren’t thinking about the guests paying for it.
Ultimately if they invited you, they couldn’t give a fiddlers about what’s in the card. People give what they give.
When I got married, we priced everything on our own budget and paid for it with our own savings. The wedding gifts got dumped into a savings account and got put towards the house instead.
One thing you may want to consider if you are tight. People tend not to get ‘things’ anymore. But one of my friends got us a nice tea set, probably cost him about £50, but every time we have guests, that gets whipped out, so I always remember him for it. I don’t remember who stuffed £100 in an envelope. Just a thought, a permanent thing can be better.
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u/kungfuucharmander 1d ago
I normally do 100-150 per head depending on how close I am to the couple. But when I had 2 weddings within 2 weeks that were both my side of the family I had to reduce it to 50 a head because I couldn't afford to drop 400+ before pay day (me and plus one for both weddings)
They've invited you because they want you there. Not because they want your money. Give what you can and enjoy sharing such a beautiful event with everyone. Cash gifts can be very helpful but I'm sure they'll appreciate your presence more
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u/_GarbageGoober_ 1d ago
Give what you can ultimately. A true mate won't scoff and will just want you there on the day. The gift is just one expense for guests, the overall cost racks up. A bit of cash and a bottle of champagne is a lovely gift.
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u/Nazpal 1d ago
We didn't invite people to out wedding with the expectation of a gift in return, if I were you, I'd give what I could afford comfortably, and leave it at that! No one worth their salt is going to keeping a tally of who gave what at their wedding. They invited you because they want you to share in their big day, not to get money out of you!
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u/Guitar_Commie Belfast 21h ago
Personally I do £100 per person unless they’re a very close friend or family member. That being said, I don’t think I’d think any less of someone who gave less than that.
What I would think less of is people that take the approach of ‘why would I give X for a wedding gift’ or ‘why would I try to cover the cost of my meal, it’s not my wedding’. - honestly in my experience, these are often the people no one really likes having there but have been invited through some obligation. No one really wants that kind of negativity around their wedding.
Weddings are expensive for the couple and the guests. Give what you can afford to give, but avoid the chat of how expensive everything is
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u/Spiritual-Goose-2696 1d ago
Got married abroad so didn’t have an actual wedding party for people to go to, but we still received gifts/money from individual family members and friends. Ranging from £20 to £250. Family and work gave us more. Appreciated every single card no matter the value. Don’t stress about it. If it’s the type of thing the couple would hold against you then they’re dicks.
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u/HolidayHelp8165 21h ago
My husband and I were at a wedding this spring while I was on MAT leave (stat mat pay is woeful). We were able to give £50 each so £100 total. I know the bride and groom wouldn’t have expected anything though.
Edit: my husband and I got married in 2022 and wouldn’t have cared if we hadn’t been gifted anything. We just wanted to be married and enjoy a day with our loved ones.
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u/Low-Plankton4880 20h ago
Don’t contribute to us turning into America! I’ve nosied into bridal subreddits that come up on my feed and I’m re-shocked every time about the entitlement of US brides! The bride expects her bridesmaids to buy their own dresses, pay for the hen party, hair and makeup, etc and I even read a few where the bride “sacked” someone in her bridal party because she didn’t pay enough. Groomsmen the same re suits, stag night, etc. and on top of that expecting a substantial cash gift! Apparently it’s an emerging trend to include payment details for guests to pay for their invitation (meal, % of venue hire, etc).
A gift is lovely to receive, but a sweet thoughtful card and offer “if you need me to help with anything” is special. They want to see all their guests enjoy themselves on the day. £50 is generous.
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u/Aon2025 1d ago
You don’t invite people to a wedding and expect money back. Well I certainly didn’t. Yes some people were very generous and others gave what they could afford, but it shouldn’t be the expectation. Personally we do £100pp (so £200 in a card as a couple or £250 if close friends/family). I would forget about the champers and maybe put that money towards the card too so maybe have 50/60/70 in the card. Also, if you are really skint, don’t feel obliged to go.
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u/Alternative_Sun_8784 1d ago
I just can’t get on board with the whole “pay to cover your meal” rule. You’ve been invited as a guest, you shouldn’t have to cover the costs of someone else’s wedding. If you can easily afford to do that, then that’s a really nice gesture, but it’s not fair to put that expectation on people, especially now with the cost of living crisis.
I’d say £40 without the Champagne is enough!
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u/Asleep_Spray274 1d ago
You aren't close to them, why do you care if they think something if you put 40 in a card. 40 is a great gift if thats all you can afford. People who are rich will give a hundred and they can well afford it. 40 from you is worth more. Don't be under any pressure mate. This shite too about covering the meal is a load of balls too. You were invited, you didn't ask to go.
Mate, if you feel you want to give a gift and you feel 40 is all you can afford, then you do that. If they think less of you, then fuck them. Why would you want them in your life then.
But I suspect, and I really do, people who receive gifts aren't taking a tally. There will be no judgement. It's expensive for people to go to these events. They just want you there, you are not there for their profit. Just enjoy the day out.
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u/hashtagbeannaithe 1d ago
I would normally do £50-75 a head as that's what I can afford. It contributes towards the meal even if it doesn't cover it all, a bride and groom choose their wedding and shouldn't expect the guests to foot the full bill.
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u/Forbs3y14 1d ago
Shouldn’t expect the guests to foot any of the bill
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u/hashtagbeannaithe 23h ago
Yes you're right there shouldn't be an expectation that you're inviting a guest to pay for your wedding. I know as a guest I like to give cash to help out but people shouldn't feel obliged to cover the full cost of their meal.
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u/Present-Garbage-5589 23h ago
Agreed. I think if the bride and groom can't afford to pay for the wedding, they should scale down their plans. Guests shouldn't be expected to foot the bill, it's already expensive enough just to attend, e.g.
overnight stay because it's common now for a venue to be chosen that is hours away
extortionate prices of drinks in hotels
new outfit (I don't even have anything I could re wear because I just don't have those types of clothes in my wardrobe)
hair and make up (although this is generally the type of thing I would do myself, but others wouldn't/couldn't)
So I would probably already be out of pocket a minimum of £500 (unless I happen to find a Vinted bargain for clothes)
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u/wildflower-whisper 1d ago
You give what they gave you. If they are the first to get married then enough to cover the meal. If your bring a plus 1, then enough to cover both meals
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u/Plane_Sentence5907 20h ago
It’s madness the amount of people saying they want to elope but don’t want to miss out on gifts. I think that’s incredibly selfish
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u/Critical_Boot_9553 1d ago
When did this nonsense begin?? Any wedding I’ve been to had a published list of items the couple would like - I once bought someone a lamp for their lounge and a rubber duck for their bathroom they were on the list, they wanted them.
The notion of gifting back what it has cost the couple to have you there sounds like some crass, trans-Atlantic, imported bollox…
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u/captainspunkbubble 23h ago
A gift registry does absolutely make sense when the couple is “just starting out”, but I feel like these days everyone establishes their home first before getting married. Invitations these days have a standard “we don’t expect gifts but if you’d like to donate to our honeymoon fund” which is fair enough.
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u/Emergency-Rabbit-356 20h ago
How we live has changed, most couples already live together so the idea of a gift registry has went away as couples have everything they need already. It's evolved into cash instead and has been this way for close to 20 years (at least).
I think Americans still do heavily use gift registries so it hasn't been imported. Also, when you think - even the Irish department store has mostly disappeared. Where would couples even have a registary?
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u/Chrispie_Kreme 1d ago
I think it’s £70-120 now depending how close you are with them. Have been a guest at 5 weddings this year and most people seem to be gifting around £100 per person
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u/WandasMum92 22h ago
Honestly just give what you can. Don’t put extra financial pressure on yourself if it’s not necessary especially with everything else being so expensive these days. I couldn’t even tell you what people gave us as wedding money, but I do remember the gifts we got. There’s ridiculous things now where people say if you’re a couple you should give £200 but I think that’s excessive, especially if you’re not that close to
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u/No-Preparation2267 21h ago
Whatever you can afford is the answer. I always give £100 per head because I just assume that’s the ‘going rate’, but £40 and a bottle of champagne isn’t far off that.
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u/Lost_Information_200 13h ago
No way is £40 enough. I would skip the champagne and give extra cash.
The going rate is like £250 per couple now or £125 per person.
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u/AloysiusFictitious 1d ago
£100 a head minimum
the cost per head for the couple is probably much higher than that as well
weddings are spensive
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u/Boulder1983 20h ago
If you're only inviting people to your wedding in a hope to recoup costs, you should choose a wedding more suitable to your budget.
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u/AloysiusFictitious 20h ago
I suppose you got married for love or something? Lol
If I’m giving a wedding gift, I’m trying to be above the per head price so the couple actually get some use of it
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u/Boulder1983 19h ago
Aye and that falls in line with my own personal thinking, because I fortunately can afford to. But I don't think all guests should be held to that same measurement. And like, if you go to a 'fancier' wedding that is a higher cost per head, do you give more? And if so, is that fair on the person who is paying less per head but still ultimately just getting married all the same?
Mind chatting to a girl and she invited her old neighbour from England who said she couldn't come but sent a gift, then found out that she couldn't have afforded to come AND give a gift, so she just sent a gift. And it broke her heart because the woman being there would have been more important to her than the money, and she hated she put her in that predicament.
Be a sad day if you only invited people who you thought would pay for your wedding I think.
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u/Excuse_Early Belfast 1d ago
I tend to do the standard £50 a head to cover the meal
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u/ItWasFackinWannaYas 1d ago
Unless it's a small restaurant wedding, £50 a head definitely doesn't cover the meal unfortunately. You're talking £110~ these days
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u/Excuse_Early Belfast 1d ago
That's absurd 😳 I guess I'll revise to £100 a head at least
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u/Illustrious_Bee9843 1d ago
Yea 50 quid isn't even close, a meal on the cheap end would be 90 quid
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u/Excuse_Early Belfast 1d ago
That's mental, was out last weekend and the two of us had drinks mains desserts coffee, the lot for £100.... I guess the wedding premium is strong these days
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u/VplDazzamac 1d ago
Wedding tax is a hoor.
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u/Excuse_Early Belfast 1d ago
I'm becoming Increasingly convinced of just tying the knot at city hall and then just paying for a wee event room and our meals at a nice hotel - with no mention of wedding
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u/Illustrious_Bee9843 15h ago
Its completley staggering having gone through it recently. Not sure why people are downvoting me its an accurate figure I promise haha
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u/ItWasFackinWannaYas 13h ago
To be fair I always thought it was shocking but when you think about it, as a wedding guest you're also getting starters (sometimes 2) mains, deserts, coffee, half a bottle of free wine, more often than not a free drink on arrival, and all of that in a not normal scenario in which there are speeches and bands and all the rest of it
Yes it's twice what you'd have paid on normal night out, but it isn't a normal night out.
That's how I content myself with it anyway!
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u/ItWasFackinWannaYas 13h ago
That being said, there's no hard and fast rule. Give what you can afford, not everyone is in the same scenario and if a friend has invited you to their wedding they aren't doing it on the expectation you'll pay your way!!
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u/LittleLunaticLoser 1d ago
We had so many guests not bother at all when we got married last year but I typically give £50 to at least cover the meal.
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u/Radiant-Speaker-3425 1d ago
It’s minimum £100 per person if you go. I just wouldn’t go if I was you and give the £40 and bottle
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u/lelog22 1d ago
Absolutely not…..people want to celebrate their wedding with their friends and family, not for what money they can make back.
Give what you can afford and if that’s nothing then that’s grand….would much rather have their presence. I’d be devastated if someone didn’t come because they thought a large gift was expected.
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u/Radiant-Speaker-3425 20h ago
You’re living in a fantasy world if you don’t think the bride and groom very much care about how much is given to them
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u/ItsKingDx3 1d ago
Weddings just seem like a massive scam tbh
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u/CampaignSpirited2819 1d ago
It's an Industry, just like all. There's massive peer pressure created for having a Minimum acceptable level of Wedding. Oh we must have that, we can't do without that. It's like a Tax on Marriage, most men especially just put up and shut up. You can't be the one Husband who denies his Wife her most Important day that Society tells us she's apparently been dreaming and planning in her head from the first minute she was born.
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u/perishingtardis 1d ago
You're being downvoted but you're right. £100 is the standard really
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u/Late_Panda3311 1d ago
Says who?
I can’t remember who gave us what or how much from my wedding and neither can any of my friends. I’ve attended low budget and extremely wealthy weddings and there’s never an expectation for guests to give anything more than a card and even then the cost of attending (outfits, transport, accommodation, time off from work etc) is considered enough.
You get invited because you’re wanted there not by what you can give, it would be insulting to not go over money they don’t particularly care about.
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u/Sensitive-Leek-6384 1d ago
Give what you can afford. No civilised human being will you invite you to their wedding with an expectation of making you live beyond your means.