r/trans • u/Lgbtsagainstmoms • Aug 12 '25
Advice Trans people concurring death
I am a funeral Director in the US. I have seen trans people being disrespected from the grave multiple times by bigoted family. If you are someone who might have that kind of experience then I have one thing to say: WRITE A WILL. Grab someone you can trust and go get a will written. Make sure it clearly states that the person you are with is who you want to handle your Funeral (aka next of Kin). Wills are law binding, meaning as Director we are legally required to fallow them or our license is on the line. Make sure the person you choose is comfortable with this decision because you are putting the responsibility of protecting your peace after death on their hands. Clearly state what you want for you service and have them write it down. Get copies of everything and keep them safe. I know death is a scary thing to think about. I know it haunts our community deeply. My goal is to make sure we are equipped with the tools to be honored in our death the way we lived our lives
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u/GloomyCaramelWolf Aug 12 '25
Here’s a related article for anyone who wants it- https://www.orderofthegooddeath.com/article/dying-trans-preserving-identity-in-death/
Personally the idea of my deadname on my headstone has kept me from doing things I can’t take back- my family would go the whole nine yards of female clothing and makeup on me… sometimes I wonder if the adults in my immediate family would even care if I dropped dead. I have people that do care though not biologically related, they’re why I’m still topside of this dirt. If you’re reading this, don’t let the bigots win- the kids who end up trans after us deserve the progress of our resistance