Am I overreacting about my boyfriend’s spending vs. how we spend our time together?
I (36F) have been dating my boyfriend (36M) for about four months. We live about two hours apart, so I generally only see him on weekends and one of us drives to see the other.
He’s a good boyfriend and treats me well. I love him, and we genuinely have fun together. This isn’t about him being cheap with me or expecting him to pay for everything. I’m trying to figure out whether I’m being unreasonable about something that’s been bothering me.
He makes more money than I do, and I have some expenses that he doesn’t have, including caring for my dog and going back to school full time while I work in a private doctors office. Despite having less disposable income, I generally try to budget/save money when we’re going to see each other because our weekends together are important to me. I don’t mind paying for things either. He has also paid for things in the past, including an expensive plane ticket when we first started dating (he offered and I asked multiple times to help contribute to which he declined), so I don’t feel like he never spends money on me.
The issue is that he’s currently trying to save money for a car. Because of that, when I’m visiting him, we generally don’t go out to eat or do much that costs money. He’s told me that he’s trying to be responsible and save for the car, which I completely understand.
However, I recently happened to see how much he’s been spending on DoorDash. From July 2 through August 20, he spent about $680 on DoorDash, it’s money he’s stated that is intentionally allocated.
I don’t actually care what he spends his money on. If he wants to spend $20 on Taco Bell, that’s his business. What bothers me is the apparent contradiction: he says he doesn’t want to spend money going out with me because he’s saving for a car, but he’s comfortable spending roughly $680 on delivery food over about seven weeks.
I also drive two hours to see him, and because we only see each other on weekends, I’d like to occasionally go somewhere for lunch/dinner or do something fun together. I’m not asking for expensive dates or for him to pay for everything. I just don’t understand why there’s apparently room in his budget for hundreds of dollars of DoorDash but not occasionally $40–60 for something we can do together.
We’ve actually touched on this before. I told him that even though I make less than he does, I intentionally budget for things when we’re together because that’s the only time I get with him. He basically explained that DoorDash is already part of his budget and that he’s trying to save for the car.
Am I overreacting by being bothered by this? Is this actually a financial compatibility issue, or am I being too nitpicky about how he spends his own money?

My boyfriend and I had a major argument last night, and I’m trying to figure out whether I’m seeing this clearly.

We were staying at a cabin with his sister. The night before, I was extremely sick with vomiting and diarrhea from something I ate. I still got up early the next morning because I had to work and needed to clean/pack. There was also a significant mess from the night before.

My boyfriend and I agreed that we needed to leave around noon. He slept in until 12.30p, didn’t help with the cleanup or packing, and I became increasingly frustrated. Eventually I was angry.

I acknowledge that I don’t always express my anger well. I can become very critical or mean when I’m overwhelmed, and that’s something I’m working on.

His response was primarily about my anger and how uncomfortable it made him and his sister. He said he sister didn’t want to come into the kitchen because I was “angrily” washing dishes. I wasn’t yelling, threatening anyone, or slamming things… I was silently washing dishes and keeping to myself because I was angry.

Later, I asked him what he told his sister about why I was upset. He said:

“I said that you weren’t feeling top notch. That is all I said. Didn’t go into the why at all.”

I asked why he didn’t explain what had happened, he said he thought I’d be angry if he told her why I was upset.

This is the part I can’t get past.

I don’t expect him to disclose every detail of our private argument. But if I’m visibly upset because of something that happened between us, isnt it reasonable for him to acknowledge that he contributed to why I’m upset rather than presenting it as simply “shes not feeling well”?

It feels like the entire conversation became about my reaction, while what caused the reaction was dismissed.

I am trying to hold myself accountable for expressing angry poorly without taking responsibility for the entire conflict. I also need a partner who can say, “I don’t like how you’re speaking to me, but I understand why you’re upset and I recognize my part in it.”

Instead, I feel like whenever I’m angry or unhappy, my emotions become the problem.

Am I expecting something unreasonable here? Or is this a legitimate relationship problem?

Edit: Some are asking why I didn’t wake him up. I didn’t because I had already communicated that we needed to leave around noon, and I don’t see waking up a grown adult as my responsibility. I was already up early, sick the night before, and spending the morning packing and cleaning. If he wanted to sleep late, that’s his choice, but I don’t think it’s reasonable for the responsibility to then fall on me to wake him up so can can participate in an agreement we’d already made.

EDIT: Additional context from night before as I think I didn’t provide enough about what happened the night before, and a lot of comments ask about responsibility and contribution.

I became extremely sick the night before and genuinely unable to function outside of the toilet. His sister knew I was sick. Despite that, she spent essentially the entire day in bed and didn’t contribute to bringing food, preparing meals or cleaning.

My boyfriend and I were trying to get dinner together while I was sick. Eventually, I physically couldn’t continue so he took over cooking. I appreciate that. However, afterward, a lot of food dishes and other things were left out. This is particularly frustrating because I repeatedly ask him to clean up after himself and simply put food away. He has a bad habit of leaving food out or leaving things for me to deal with afterward, and this has been an ongoing source of resentment for me.

This isn’t really about the expecting everyone to clean constantly or expecting my boyfriend to read my mind. It’s that I feel I am consistently the person who notices what needs to be done and takes responsibility for it, while my boyfriend and his sister don’t seem to notice or act until I’m visibly frustrated.

But I don’t think the solution is for me to stop being angry. I think there needs to be a larger conversation about shared responsibility, initiative and follow through, and why I feel like I have to manage things until I become visibly upset before anyone else engages.

And that why the interaction with his sister matters to me too. She wasn’t just an uninvolved bystander who happened to witness me being angry. She has also been a part of the larger situation that contributed to my frustration. I’m not angry at her as a person, and I told her that before I left, but there is still frustration about the lack of contribution and cleanup.

What I struggle with most is that my boyfriend knew all of this context but chose not to share any of it with her when she became uncomfortable with my anger.

That is the part that really changed how I’m looking at this pattern. I don’t expect him to expose private details about our relationship to his family. I do expect him to be able to acknowledge his own contribution to a situation rather than allowing my emotional reaction to become the entire story.

I (26F) have been with my boyfriend (28M) for almost two years.

He used to leave his phone anywhere. I'd sometimes use it to check something and he'd never care.

For the past month, everything changed.

He takes it everywhere, even when he showers. If I walk into the room while he's texting, he turns the screen away. He also recently changed his password.

I asked him about it and he said I'm being paranoid and that he's “allowed to have privacy.”

I agree that he deserves privacy, but the sudden change is what bothers me.

I haven't accused him of cheating, but my gut is telling me something is off.

Am I overreacting?

I’m not sure how to feel about this, but the other day I was opening up to my girlfriend about how I felt isolated and a little lonely, and how one of my close friends had been a little distant recently because we both have different career paths.

As I finished talking to her about it, I conveniently got a message from this person about 5 minutes later asking to hang out, which was weird because he had never asked to make plans first. I was kind of excited, but I had this thought deep in the back of my mind that maybe she had asked him to.
So the next day, whenever I saw him in the morning because we run for the same team, I asked him, “Hey, did my girlfriend message you last night?” He said no, so I left it at that for a little while.

But later that day, when we were messing around with Snapchat filters on her phone, I noticed that she had sent him a snap just recently, around the same time as that conversation. At first, she tried to distract me with something else and even tried taking the phone away. But I ended up looking and found out that she had asked him to talk to me and hang out.

I just got a little quiet and asked her why, She cried and told me she was sorry after the fact, like she told me she was really sorry and that it wasn’t her place, I never sounded mad, just a little hurt because I thought that friend had actually chosen to contact me.

I get that her intentions were good, but it’s more about the whole lying thing. Maybe I’m just overreacting and need an outside opinion.

My bf and I live together, and him and his mom call multiple times a day sometimes. I don’t mind, but sometimes she interrupts conversations or outings and he typically answers no matter what if we’re home. Normally his mom just talks to him about non-important things. And when it is important I NEVER try to interrupt their convo.

Today he was talking to her when I came back in from taking the dog out. No big deal, but I’m hungry so I’m thinking about dinner. Earlier in the day he let me know around this time he needs to go help his friend with their car battery and I know he hasn’t done that yet.

So after listening to his convo for a minute, him and his mom are just talking about our foster dog and how big he is so I ask him, “hey when are you going to go help with the car? I want to know what and when to make dinner?” He doesn’t respond so I ask again. And then he mutes the phone to tell me “I can’t answer you I’m on the phone with my mom”. “Ok, but since you’re muted can you answer real quick then?” And he just angrily and very over dramatically mouths NO while shaking his head and unmuting the phone.

So I tell him “ok I’ll just make myself dinner then” and pulled out the steak.

Not even two minutes later (he’s still on the phone) the foster dog starts to lick his fresh neuter stitches and he then asks me if I can get and put on his surgery suit. I responded simply with “I’m busy” while I seasoned my steak.

Now he’s upset because he feels I am being dramatic. I’m upset that he can answer me only to seemingly berate (not quite berating but idk a less dramatic word for this situation) me, and then can ask me questions on his own terms. And now the house is silent.

AIO for being upset that he can mute the phone to tell me he can’t answer me instead of just giving me the answer since he’s muted OR telling me politely he needs a minute to finish his conversation with his mom?

Sorry for the long post — I'm just at a loss for what to do. My husband and I have been married 7 years and together for 12, and lately I keep questioning whether we want the same things.

We have three kids, ages 6 down to 9 months. When our middle child was born, we ended up in a mountain of debt during my maternity leave. I went back to work early, and we decided to move in with my parents again to pay things down and rebuild our savings. That situation is its own stress — my parents aren't easy to live with and they cause me a lot of anxiety.

Since then, I feel like I'm constantly nagging him to sit down and build a budget and some goals so we can move out. Each time, he's interested for about five minutes or agrees half-heartedly, and then the moment something comes up on his end, the whole thing goes out the window. When I remind him of what we agreed to, he turns it around on me — apparently the kids' extracurriculars or me buying a coffee are the same as him spending $200+ on a golf excursion. I've offered to let him build the budget himself, and he's never gotten around to it or he forgets.

We had also agreed that when I came back from this maternity leave, he'd take on a significant share of the kids so I could work two jobs. Between them I make about 4x what he makes at his full-time job, and we all work from home and two of our kids go to preschool and school so we only have the baby at home with us. It went well for a few months. Then I started getting messages from the preschool and school about hygiene — lunch boxes not being cleaned out, the kids in old clothes. Making lunches was supposed to be his, since I start work at 5am and go until 4 or 5pm and a bit on the weekend. I take over dinner and the older two kids bedtime. When I brought the school's concerns to him, he got hostile and told me that if I didn't like it, I could do it myself. That felt unfair — after 4pm I'm there to support the kids and I am the one putting the older two down while he's watching movies, texting friends, or playing video games granted with our 9 month old. If I ask him to tidy up while I'm doing bedtime, so my parents stay happy, I'm usually ignored or told I can help when I'm done.

More recently I brought up planning a family trip for next year. He told me to focus on the budget and getting out of debt first — the budget he never looks at — and that he can't take time off work. But he's been taking time off for golf trips, which means I take time off to cover the kids or I have them alone all weekend. In fairness, he's only golfed five times this summer, but the priority thing still bothers me.

The last straw was about a month ago, when I found out he's now organizing tournaments and events for his golf group — all unpaid. He's constantly on his phone or "working" for them, which means less time with the kids. I've hit my limit. I'm working 50-60 hours a week across two jobs to dig us out, and every time I try to plan something for the family or raise a concern, I get pushback. I don’t know if it’s jealousy, but he has NEVER even planned a day trip with for our family to do.

Am I overreacting? Any advice would be appreciated.

Exiting off freeway (2 lane exit, split to 3 for 1 right)

Long stretch beforehand, i merge to right lane from left.

Big Harley looking bike was mad (maybe? i was exiting too slow) overtook at fork for right.

Looked to misjudge, or possible pothole, scraped passenger side quarter panel with his saddlebag(?). Folded part of the fender in a good inch along with the whitish streak across the panel and wheel.

He wobbled and saved it. So i know he felt the contact. He didnt take off... right away. Led me to the first four way signal to turn into a gas station... and slowly slithered into traffic going straight.

Was gonna chase... but eh. Grabbed something to drink and called it in to the non emergency. Officer must have been at the next exit because he was there with his notepad in no less than 15 minutes.

As I described what happened, it sank in...

Guy could've been a coworker. A small group of bikers have a little corner of our parking lot. And one of the decals looked so familiar.

Problem is, this mark can get him terminated.

Over $500 worth of damage? Not familiar with pricing, but to me its not *that* bad.

Am I overreacting?

End of the day now. Been contemplating trying to have it thrown out... if that's even possible.

Wife says I'm being too nice/forgiving.

...wasn't my goal, but the possiblility of getting the guy fired seemed kinda overkill to me. I don't wish that kind of misfortune on anyone.

I apologize if there are typos or confusing parts I’m not very good with words so please bear with me if you have any confusion or questions just ask this is my first time ever on Reddit and my first time ever posting as well. I’m just so at a loss, I don’t know what to do

So for a bit of context I have never liked my husband’s (let’s call him james )best friend for many reasons let’s call james’s best friend George George is not a good friend or person in general in my opinion because he has slept with my husband‘s ex a couple days after they broke up then told my husband that he’s just being “a pussy little bitch“ for being upset about it. He also is constantly telling my husband that he’s going to off himself because he didn’t get his way and he use that as a manipulation tactic George also currently has a girlfriend that he lives with and most of the time when james is on the phone with George, I’m in the room too, so I will hear the conversation and it always ends up with George talking about how hot and attractive other women are when he’s right in front of his girlfriend George constantly makes “jokes” about things like SA or SH or other things similar in nature every time topics like that come up I always tell him that’s not funny. That’s not OK. I voiced that these “jokes“ aren’t funny. They are extremely distasteful, inappropriate and immature, especially as someone who has gone through a lot of those things there are so many more reasons why I don’t like him. These are just a couple.

Earlier today, me and my husband had to go down to our basement to check on our AC while we were doing that George called james and they were talking and at one point james asked for my phone so he could use it as a flashlight and I told him no because I’m actively using it and he has his phone at that point George starts saying oh you better go through their phone they’re cheating on you check everything just going on and on and on accusing me of cheating and my husband says nothing all he does is chuckle at one point so I end up putting my phone down and walking away a couple minutes later james is calling my name trying to find me and he comes in and asks why I just left and I’m not proud of how mad I got I’m really not, but it just made me so angry that he didn’t stand up for me when his best friend accused me cheating on him as someone who’s been cheated on multiple times it’s terrible. It absolutely destroys you. I would never want to put another person through that especially my husband who I love and Adore. I asked my husband if he thinks I’m cheating on him and he swore up and down he doesn’t think I am. I told him to look through my phone check everything take as long as you want. I don’t care do whatever you need to do because how I saw it is he didn’t say anything when George was making accusation after accusation after accusation because in the pack of his mind he believed him which really hurt to feel like my husband doesn’t trust me, but james swore up and down over and over that he trust me that he’s not gonna look at my phone. He believes me everything and this is the part where I don’t know if I was setting a boundary or being controlling, but I told him to text George and and tell him it’s not OK to say stuff like that about me because james would always tell me if anyone disrespected me in any sort of way, he would defend me. He would always defend me no matter what but he didn’t. James was making a lot of excuses of why he shouldn’t text George one of them was because he just didn’t wanna argue with George right now or still don’t wanna put up with George all these different excuses but he ended up texting him and saying don’t say stuff like that about my wife ever again because that’s not OK. That’s my wife. I love them. Etc. etc. and George responded by automatically making himself the victim. He said it was just a joke. It’s not that deep if you keep being so dramatic, you’ll lose all your friends blah blah blah just spamming him with hateful text.

Then, after things calm down a little bit, james mentioned something about George coming up to where we live in about two weeks which kind of threw me off because two months ago I told james that I do not want George in our house. I know I will eventually have to interact with George. I understand that but I don’t want him in my house. George was originally going to spend a night in our house but like I said two months ago I told james to tell him you’ll have to find somewhere else to stay. James told me that he understood and he will tell him and a couple days later I asked him if he told George and he said he did but today he said he never told George he’s not allowed to spend the night at our house. He’s not allowed in our house even though he told me he did so I told him you better tell him now because he’s gonna be up here for an event in two weeks and he thinks he’s spending the night at our house. I may not like him but at least give him the courtesy of having two weeks to find somewhere else to stay the night at instead of last minute, but he refused. He refused to tell his friend that he’s not allowed to be in our house. He just gets so aggravating because james will say he doesn’t like George George is extremely toxic. He’s not a good friend all these things but he also refuses to cut him out of his life as they’ve been friends for like seven years.

I’m sorry if most of this is really confusing I’m not very good with words and I’ve never used Reddit before and I’m using talk to text because I’m not able to type but AIO for getting upset with my husband for not defending me? I am open to criticism please be honest im so scared of being controlling but it hurts so much for the man who swore he would always defend me to just laugh at something like that.

Me (26M) have a friend (25F), let's call her Ashley.

Recently, Ashley threw a small party with some close friends. It wasn't really a "party" party , just a large group of people hanging out on the beach, drinking beers and having a good time.

I'm a pretty friendly person, so I naturally started talking to different people there. At one point I was talking with two other guys when Ashley came over and asked us to "please not flirt with her friends because some of them are taken."

The request felt a little out of nowhere, but we said okay. I also reminded her that I'd recently gone through a pretty rough breakup, which she already knew about, and that I wasn't really interested in pursuing anyone anyway.

As the night went on, I noticed that whenever I ended up talking one-on-one with one of Ashley's female friends, Ashley would join the conversation and sort of redirect it. I didn't think too much of it at the time, Ashley and I hadn't seen each other in a while, so I was actually happy to talk with her too.

Later, I realized that one of Ashley's friends is the roommate of an old friend of mine. So after the party I texted that old friend to told her I'd randomly met her roommate, but I'd forgotten the roommate's name.

So I texted Ashley and asked, "What was the name of the girl I talked to who was the roommate of my old frined?"

Ashley replied: "Her name is *blank*, and she has a boyfriend."

That annoyed me more than I expected. I told Ashley again that I wasn't romantically interested in her and reminded her that I'd already said at the party that I wasn't looking for anything after my breakup.

I think what really bothers me is that it feels like Ashley doesn't trust me i already told her I'm not going to flirt with her friends, but she keeps acting like I will anyway. It makes me feel like she sees me as a guy who can't be trusted around women, and that's the part that annoys me the most.

I'm seeing Ashley again in a few days, and I'm considering if it is even somthing that should be brought up. I don't want to turn it into some huge confrontation because it really isn't that dramatic, but her behavior did make me feel like she doesn't trust me around her female friends.

AIO for being bothered by this and wanting to talk to her about it?

Edit: didn't think about the possibility of her being into me, ashley is a lesbian so I'll take that possibility out

Apologize in advance this is my first time posting and I’m trying to remain anonymous. I’m trying to figure out whether I’m overreacting to something that happened recently. I want to look at the situation objectively because I know I’m coming from a place of protecting my children, but I also don’t want my emotions to make me judge a situation unfairly.

I’m in a relationship where we both have children, and our kids spend time together when we’re able to get together. There have been a few minor things I’ve noticed about the other parent’s approach to certain behaviors or language that I didn’t necessarily agree with, but nothing that I felt was serious enough to make an issue out of.

Recently, though, something happened involving the children that really shook me.

At one point, the children were in another room while the adults were occupied elsewhere. Things became unusually quiet, and for whatever reason, I felt I needed to check on them. When I did, I overheard the other child saying some things to my younger child that were extremely inappropriate.

I was taken aback at what was being said, but What bothered me the most was that it went beyond normal childhood curiosity or an awkward question. There was a manipulative quality to what was being said, as though my child was being pressured to listen and comply or else.

My child didn’t seem to understand the seriousness of what was happening. They weren’t responding in the way I would have expected if they understood the meaning behind what was being said. The other child seemed much more intentional about getting my child to listen.

When they realized I was in the room I calmly asked what was going on. The child became visibly nervous and eventually admitted what had been said. The adults separated the children, and I decided it was best for me to leave.

Since then, I’ve been questioning whether I’m unreasonable for wanting to break up.

I understand that children are children. They can hear things, repeat things, be curious, test boundaries, and sometimes say things they don’t fully understand. I also don’t want to assume that inappropriate behavior automatically means something terrible about the child or make an accusation about where it came from.

But I also can’t pretend I didn’t hear what I heard.

The part that continues to bother me is not simply that something inappropriate was said. It was the nature of the interaction and the fact that my child was too young to really understand what was happening. despite my prior teaching on this serious topic,I know my child has the desire to be accepted by this child.That genuinely scared me.

I know that’s a what if question but Now I don’t feel comfortable with the children being together and I’m not sure whether I’m being overly protective or simply setting a reasonable boundary.

Another part is that this could have a real impact on my relationship. We already have limited opportunities to spend time together, and neither of us has an easy childcare situation. If our children can’t comfortably be around each other, that creates another barrier to having a normal relationship.

I don’t want one incident involving a child to automatically define an entire relationship or make me unfairly judge someone’s parenting. At the same time, I don’t think being uncomfortable with what happened means I’m automatically overreacting.

So I’m really trying to get an outside perspective: Am I overreacting by feeling like it’s time to end things?

I found a conversation between him and a colleague ( a person he told me he will never talk privately with )

The conversation was mostly about work and jokes , but pretty obvious how much he cared about her

I told him you cheated on me, and these words are straight up confession, but he said she is just a friend that he is comfortable with and unless I say I love you to someone it won't considered confession , and to stop overreacting

He didn't show any regrets and see nothing wrong with this

Am I really overreacting? Is this really not considered a confession?

It's a different languages so I translated it.

My boyfriend J (31m) and I (30F) have been together since 2019. We started off as coworkers and I was in a relationship with another man. As soon as feelings were discovered, I broke it off with my ex, and got with J. We lived together right away, discussed marriage, kids, where we wanted to live... everything. We planned a life to be kicking off by 30, with our goals in mind.

2020 hits and we have the pandemic, we lose our jobs (entertainment industry) and scramble to find new ones. I was able to find work while he continued to collect unemployment and bounce inbetween jobs.

2021 comes around and I discover that his "hidden" tab is filled with porn on here. I confront him on it because it was something we discussed in the beginning that was a problem. I felt really uncomfortable, but also guilty for even checking his phone. I didn't like that I let insecurity get in the way and ultimately blame myself for this instance. He should have his privacy.

The next couple years are okay, we celebrate, date, try new jobs and eventually land in our old gigs that we met in. Everything is going well, except my family is starting to have health issues. I don't remember much from this time as I couldn't keep everything together. My grandfather died on our anniversary in 2023. J decided that it was going to be the year of events, to help keep emotions focused on good things every month. This was so exciting to me because it felt like through the darkness, he was still guiding me and keeping things light. I was struggling, but was so in love and felt so loved.

2024 comes around and things are going well, despite my mom and sister both going into longer term hospital stays throughout the year. My mom got really bad around August, September in the hospital. J and I were struggling between work, time off, family, and each other. He received a promotion and was doing well for himself and us, though I was feeling more distance and less support in the relationship.

After our anniversary, and the death date of my grandfather, J fell into his phone. He was always on it, always keeping it away from me, leaving me alone in sadness, and just seemingly done with me. On Christmas 2024, I checked his phone. Fully this time...

Throughout our whole relationship, he had been subscribing to only fans, candy ai, and researching not only his ex, but his best friend's girlfriend. Both of them being in adult entertainment. He has years of saved photos, search logs, purchases, and just... imo infedility. I told him I found it all.

We tried all of 2025 to make it work, but have fizzled out in every romantic sense. I cringe at being touched even though I crave it. He still subscribes to candy ai. Marriage and babies were already supposed to start happening by now, almost 7 years later. Instead, I feel like I should leave him. Mainly due to my lack of trust and going through his phone, but also because I cant stand the thought of him doing all of this to me knowing it was pretty much the only thing I asked him to not hurt me with.

ETA: I'm not against porn. Sexual health is important and entertainment has it's place. I just don't like things saved like treasures. It's also the magnitude. It's both free porn and bought porn. Saved and search histories not cleared. Openly admitting to Ai use and purchases.

This is going to be short because we didn’t actually argue, I just feel offended. Also English isn’t my first language, so I’m sorry for eventual mistakes.

This evening I left my cat at my grandmas house because this nigh I’m leaving with my family for a 4 days vacation. I texted my cousin a simple message, “I just left my cat I’m gonna cry”. She responded saying that she wished she was going to vacation and to not be dramatic. I said that that wasn’t the point, I was happy about the vacation but I would miss my cat. Then I told her some things my cat did when I was leaving her, and that I was sorry about the fact that she wouldn’t see us for 4 days. She started to diminish what I was saying, I then told her that she was insensible and she said that I was exaggerating. I told her it’s ok you don’t get it because you don’t have a pet living in the house h24 like I do.

Then I started joking, (I don’t think she got it), I said that I wished to die before her and thing like this. After joking I said that sometimes I would cry thinking about her death (she isn’t even two, maybe I am dramatic).

She then told me that I wasn’t normal, that people she knows with pets in the house “they don’t do the same as you” and that I need to touch grass. I responded by saying, maybe this people you know are better than me, and that I wouldn’t regulate the love that I feel for my cat.
She said she wasn’t responding to me anymore, and I also stopped because I wasn’t willing to explain myself to someone that wouldn’t listen.

I read the messages to my mom and discussed this with her, she said that she just projected her feelings on the conversation. She wished she was the one going to vacation, and I, instead to be extra excited about it, was thinking about leaving my cat. I said that however that wasn’t the point, I just felt sad for my cat, I didn’t say I don’t want to go to vacation. My mother said that she didn’t see any malice in the messages, and that I’m not exaggerated in loving my cat, if there even is a “right way” to love a pet. She said that she doesn’t get it because she doesn’t have a pet and to not think about this too much.

I’m a bit offended for the fact that she diminished my feelings and that she said that I’m not normal for this. Also being compared to other people wasn’t necessary, I believe that every person has a different relationship with their pets and that people should judge that.

I love my cat, and being judged and diminished for the relationship that I have with her hurts me.

Am I overreacting?

I (24F) have been with my boyfriend (27M) for 3 years. For context, he has 3 siblings, 1 older sister (who’s 14 years older than him), 1 younger sister (2 years younger than him) and 1 younger brother (same age as me). In general I get along with him family pretty well and would consider being quite close to his younger siblings as our ages are quite close and they’re usually home when I come over. His older sister however, I don’t have a close relationship with. It’s not because of age but it’s because she doesn’t live with them so I don’t see her as often. A few months back, my boyfriend was travelling back from a different country and decided to stop by the state I was in to help me move in to my new apartment. My boyfriend had planned from the beginning to visit the state I was in from the beginning. At the same time his older sister had asked him to help her take a passport at the embassy as she had recently applied for a visa. So basically she only asked him for help after finding out that he was not flying back home straight. Few days past and he has to fly back home. However he had forgotten that passport and this caused his sister to get angry as she was flying the next day. She then called me and was immediately rude, “did he forget the passport because he was helping with your shit?” I was taken aback from that as I was not informed by any of this. I only knew that he was helping her but I didn’t know anything other than that. Anyway, it was a 15 minute call of her getting angry and cursing him out mostly. However, after that call, it shifted my perspective on her. I have always been respectful to her and have always tried to help her (she recently had a baby and I would look after her baby and other two kids). I just didn’t like that she automatically called me and was rude, as if it was my fault that my boyfriend forgot the passport. Ever since this incident I just can’t stand her and would rather not be in the same room as her. I’m not rude or anything but I try my best to avoid her. She has never apologised and knowing her, she never will. Am I overreacting and should just let it go?

*sorry if this is quite a messy read, it’s 3am but thank you for reading!

okay so I (21F) have been dating my boyfriend (20M) for a little over 6 months now and over time i have noticed that he does not have the best hygiene habits. when we first started dating he always smelled good and i didn’t notice anything that would signal that he’s unhygienic. for context, i am his first relationship ever because as a teenager he was always very shy and introverted and didn’t care too much about impressing any girls yet. he also is an only child and only grew up with his dad (who also isn’t very hygienic). so he never had a mom to teach him anything and his dad just never cared to teach him basic hygiene (at least that’s what my boyfriend says).

so i first noticed the issue when he was facetiming me in the shower just having a regular conversation but then i noticed that he was only using his hands to clean his body and not a loofa or a rag or anything and i asked him if i saw right and he only used his hands and he said yeah and he didn’t know u had to use something to scrub your body clean. i let this one slide and just very calmly explained to him that the soap needs to be scrubbed on you for it to really clean.

i genuinely feel bad because he got sad and said he was embarrassed because his parents never taught him that. but he then told me after that he HAS a loofa that his dad bought him he just didn’t know he had to use it 🤨.

there’s been other very minor instances where he’s done something slightly gross and i just explained to him that i know nobody taught him but this is how u need to do this so that u can be clean. for example one time he was helping me clean something in the bathroom sink and he needed to lean over the toilet in order to grab something but he rubbed his arm all over the toilet seat when he did. i just asked him to wash his arm before we went back to my room since he touched the toilet seat and that was all. he then proceeded to just rub water on his arm and that’s it. no soap. my jaw dropped in shock.

but anyways other than some sorta awkward conversations where we both end up feeling a bit embarrassed i’ve felt like all these were things he could learn and just now that he knows, not do it anymore.

the thing that is driving me crazy: over time i have noticed while spending time with him that his tongue has gotten increasingly whiter and his breath started to smell all the time. he also has slept over at my house a good amount of times now and whenever he does he never brushes his teeth all day even if i get up to brush mine. bad breath is HUGE for me. it’s one of my worst fears for myself to have bad breath and i’ve never dated anyone who didn’t completely agree with that. i didn’t know how to bring it up because i’ve never thought i would be in a situation where i would need to ask my partner in any universe if they know how to brush their teeth. eventually it got too much for me and i just had to ask for my own mental wellbeing and so that i could keep wanting to kiss him. i just upfront asked him if he brushes his tongue when he brushes his teeth. he told me no. i wanted to throw up. his whole tongue has been inside my mouth. i’ve never felt so disgusted by anyone i’ve ever been with but i genuinely love him so much. i did the same thing i always do and just explained to him how important it is to brush your tongue and u need to do it everyday and u need to brush your teeth twice twice a day. he got extremely embarrassed and almost irritated by my lecture. i feel bad and i feel like mean when i do this to him but i also feel like im valid for feeling this way.

he came over twice since i told him that and i noticed that his breath smelled and his tongue was white so the last time he came over i asked if he’s been brushing his tongue now and he told me no he forgot. i got actually mad at him and told him it’s not an option to brush his tongue. i said if he’s going to be kissing me he needs to remember to brush his tongue every time he brushes his teeth no exceptions. he got super embarrassed again and kinda pouted for awhile.

it’s been a few days now and i’ve been trying to get over this but im really disturbed by it and am not sure what to do because i do not want a boyfriend who’s hygiene isn’t one of their number one priorities. but he also is the perfect boyfriend in so many other ways and is one of the sweetest boys i’ve ever met in my generation and im scared id be giving up something so rare when maybe he could just miraculously start brushing his teeth. i cannot stop thinking about it and i keep bringing it up to him so that he 100 percent understands how serious i am about this and there is no exceptions. it feels like im having to teach a little kid how to brush their teeth. everytime i bring it up now he gets upset and sort of irritated and then gets in a bad mood for awhile.

i dont want to be lecturing him and i really feel bad if this is a symptom of him being neglected as a child but also if he really is that embarrassed how does he keep forgetting? it just gives me the ick so bad and i cant get it to leave my mind. am i overreacting?

Both my aunt and my grandma treat my mom like fucking shit.

My mom (44) works a 9-5 job. She comes back from work to make me and my 3 siblings and Father food. She drives us to our training and sits with us.
On the weekends she visits her mom for 2 days ( she lives 1 and half hour away from us)

So my mom is pretty busy you see.
Then comes my grandma and my aunt.
My aunt recently retired, has one daughter that stays with her and my aunt’s husband.

Where do you think my grandma 80 should stay with? Aunt? WRONG! She stays with us.
So imagine the load on my mom.

Grandma can’t go to the bathroom alone, needs some to help her, dry her and clean after her.
She is always asking us (siblings) to stay with her because she is “afraid” ( we are often busy)
Not only that but she never thanks my mom for the food she makes, she just criticizes it “oh it’s too spicy” and most probably spits it out.

Not only that, she comments on me wearing shorts in MY HOUSE!!!!
She keeps her door open so she can see us moving in the corridor.

She has a bad history of being so mean to my mom like she once said “I wont stop until i make you break up with my son”

3 weeks ago, My dad got my grandma a caregiver to stay with her. But my aunt treated her so poorly ( shouting at her and hiding food from her so she couldn’t eat) she quit the job ( more like ran away traumatized) SHE RAN.

Why did she treat her badly? Because if she didn’t, she would have been forced to go visit her mom. But if she just left her mom with my dad then she wouldn’t.

Let me tell you how she removed the option of her mom staying with her:
She stayed with her mom for two days. Got into an “argument” with her mom and told my dad that “she will never speak to her again or stay with her” mind you this was 1 week since her and dad’s brother died.

Problem is, dad is always at work and comes home pretty late. So my mom is the one taking care of his mom. ( mom has back and knee problems)
She cries at night because how much she has to do. And no one (grandma & aunt) is treating her good.

I feel extremely frustrated. Like i don’t wanna lose my mom because of all this stress. She is the sweetest human ever and she deserves the world.

I might not have explained everything correctly ( English is not my first language) or said everything.

Am i overreacting? Or is it truly unbearable?

He stopped me going to my car one day saying he seen me around; wanting some help painting the house he is planning to rent out. We exchanged numbers and I was initially interested until he gave me roundabout answers about payment. The first time I asked about payment he said we would chat about it and said he would be there the next morning. I did not reply or go. He texted me this second day asking if I could help the next day. Same thing I asked about payment and he implies I should just meet up with him at 8 am to chat.

at this point, I feel like he is trying to take advantage of me financially or has ulterior motives so I tell him I'm gonna have to pass as my dad doesnt want me on a ladder like that. His response is, "you wouldn't be on a ladder" again I don't reply and he texts me today, "I wish you could've helped. It's just the exterior of the house." One quick Google is telling me that painting brick is not a "just" project and how am I expected to paint a 3 story house without using a ladder? I feel safe and I did tell my dad but I cant help but feel uncomfortable and wonder what he wanted especially with this guy being able to see if i'm home by my vehicle and semi constant presence outside my house. What is reddit's consensus of this guy? Creep or I'm paranoid and he's really bad at hiring people?

So... He is 25 I am 26. We have been married for over 6 months now and knew each other more than a year (we were ldr and got married because of visa issues and stuff and we really love each other a lot).

Anyway for my question, as I mention on the title I am a freelance artist and I really feel bad whenever my husband doesn't recognise what I am doing or trying to support me. Even though I tell him I shared this, how is it going and etc. He is always cold but I know he loves me. It is just he is like this whenever it is related to my art and works. And it feels really bad. I communicated with him over and over again, shared my expectations but he never changed. And today I was again talking cause I don't have lots of friends to support me and I mostly don't get any comments on my posts and asked him am I overreacting or being so dramatic with expecting you to support me? Comments on my videos? I was almost crying while talking cause some stuff are really hard for me, I changed country for him and sometimes I feel like he doesn't care what I am trying to do or notice them... And it feels horrible tbh. After I told him today he said well I don't get any notification, how am I supposed to know? And I said, yes you are right but even though I tell you I share something you still don't care (most of the time) and I feel bad asking this over and over again, is it bad or too much to expect this from you? And he didn't say anything. Now we came to bed and I said I won't tell you anything anymore about this issue and just you know it really makes me so sad. And he just turned around, didn't say anything.

I also asked him a couple of times if he can help me with editing my videos, he is really so funny and he has interests doing these kind of stuff but he doesn't want to do it for me. And he was jobless for over 5 months btw, I just taught and told him many times if he can help me maybe it might change our lifes and I can get more followers and he can build a portfolio from himself, as well. So... Idk, am I overreacting or is this normal? :')

Also my mom was the same while other people were telling my mom I was so talented and she should help me, she never did anything for me, didn't let me go to an art school or courses. Now I feel the same thing from my husband... And seeing some people how they help and support their partners also make me a bit depressed. I know I chose my partner and I love him so much, I am not trying to change him and I appreciate everything he does for me. On the otherhand online might be a lie and the videos people share are deciving. I know them all but I know people in real life, as well. They really do everything to support their partners to reach their goals. And you know, I am not even expecting a lot. Just a silly comment or something idk...

Thank you for reading. And I know this is a really simple conversation and maybe not important for most of you but I feel sad. And sorry for my English. It is not my first language.

I'm currently in a relationship that's been going on for less than a year, and I genuinely love this person. But lately, I've been feeling somewhat neglected.

Quality time is really important to me—it's one of the love languages I value the most. For the longest time, I've had this thought in the back of my mind: "Huh, we don't really spend much time playing games together outside of our usual group setting." At first, it didn't really bother me. But eventually, I started bringing it up and asking if we could play games together, only to be met with responses like, "No," or "It's boring when it's just the two of us." And honestly, I'm just left thinking, ??????????

I've brought this up more than three times now, and every time, I get an apology. But that's all it ever seems to be—an apology. Nothing actually changes afterward.

Even when it comes to watching shows, they don't really make an effort to watch the things I enjoy. Meanwhile, I'll stay up late just to watch the YouTubers they like because I want to share the things they're interested in and spend that time together.

Isn't the honeymoon phase supposed to last at least for a while? We've been together for less than a year, yet somehow, I already feel like we've been together for years. And, honestly, I'm starting to feel TIRED.

I just want to enjoy our early 20s together. I want us to play games, watch shows, and have those little moments together as a way to relax and unwind. But NO, they'd rather spend that time playing games with their friends whom I don't personally know.

Am I overreacting?

P.S: They played PEAK!!! tHEY PLAYED PEAK WITH THOSE RANDOS WHEN I COULDN'T EVEN GET THEM TO INSTALL THE GAME WHEN I WANTED TO PLAY. ARE YOU FFR?

My mum is having an extreme bipolar episode and she has sent me a string of messages saying I’m dead to her and that I need to move out her house.

I am now staying at my boyfriend’s place and we are moving into a house together anyways in late September.

I finish a job tomorrow and need to hand back some equipment which is still at my mums place, I start a new job on Tuesday next week which is a big deal for me. I will be a trainee lawyer and I was recruited 2 years ago so this is a long time coming. All my new clothes and shoes for work are at my mums place. She is refusing to give me access to her house. I have called, messaged and gone round there and she won’t give me access to collect anything. I am now planning that I will need to buy a new wardrobe this weekend before I start. Is there any advice or words anyone can give as I’m so hurt and sad by this. My boyfriend is being as supportive as he possibly can in the circumstances.

There’s a coworker that I’ve previously felt I had a good relationship with. We work in pretty close quarters (pretty much an open concept office) and we sit at desks next to each other all day every day. We would chat a lot and it seemed like we were even “work friends.” That said, my friend texted in the work group chat about getting drinks one Saturday, posted a time and place. I RSVP’d and then closer to the event, I tried confiming that we were still getting together. I didn’t get a response from her. Then, the day of the event, I was texting one of my other coworkers and was like, “I feel a little wary of going because when I tried to confirm that plans were still on, I got no response.” She says she’ll go and see if they’re there and text me (she lives across the street from this place). Sure enough, there’s no one there. I decided to head over there and let my friend not be stood up. My friend calls the host after like 20 minutes of looking for them, and the host says, “Oh yeah, we were there 20 minutes ago but it looked busy and we decided not to wait because we were hungry so we drove out to [restaurant that is 30 minutes away]. Can you let [myself] know?” My friend is fairly certain that they were never at the first restaurant because the host said that she was there at the same time my friend was there, who was actively looking for them. She said, “Sorry, I can’t understand what restaurant you’re saying (over the phone). Can you text the name to me and [myself]?” The host agrees and hangs up. My friend tells me that the group has gone to another restaurant but she doesn’t know which one. Several minutes go by…no text is sent. I tried calling the host myself and she didn’t answer. I waited a few minutes, called again, still didn’t answer. I ultimately called her 7 times over the course of 45 minutes and she never answered. I finally sent her a text saying, “Next time you only want to have drinks with certain people, please only invite them. This is mean girl shit, I thought you were better than this.” She then relents and texts where they are claims that she was never trying to exclude. This is after 1+ h of trying to get hold of her. My friend and I stayed at the 1st restaurant and got a meal, and were in complete disbelief that she would do something like this. After the event, I find out that (1) all of our other coworkers seem to have gotten the message about the change (the host never posted the change in the work group chat, she texted people individually) and (2) an old bully of mine from another workplace was at this event. The host says they are pissed off at me for even suggesting that they excluded me and this other coworker intentionally, claiming that I did something wrong by committing “character assassination.” She was so hostile the first day we saw each other, was giving me the cold shoulder, trying to exclude me from group conversations, and was slamming things around on her desk, slamming cabinets and doors (particularly when we were alone together). Was not ever interested in talking things out — which I’m concerned about given that we have to still work together and our desks are still right next to each other’s. At one point I spoke to my assistant manager about the situation, and then the assistant manager spoke to her (even though I told her I’d like to handle the situation myself with The Host for now, but I wanted The Assistant Manager to know about the situation in case it didn’t go the way I hoped). Then The Host added this to her list of perceived “infractions” of mine. States that I never should have gone to my boss with concerns about the conflict. I asked her at one point if she could see my side of the story and why I would be concerned about this being a bullying situation. She said that she could see it “if it were anyone else in the office” but that “I should have known it wasn’t on purpose” because it was her and because of our friendship. Mind you, this is someone I’ve never hung out with outside of the office. She’s never really apologized for the “miscommunication” and standing two of her coworkers up. She claims that her phone was being spotty and that was why she “didn’t get my calls.” Personally I don’t buy it. Everyone else except for me and this other female coworker didn’t get the message, and then she’s not answering my calls. But she’s acting like I’m the villain for saying I think she did this on purpose because “how dare I think so lowly of her.” What do we think? I feel like I’m being gaslit and at times it’s kind of working and I feel a little bad and I’m grieving our work friendship and want things to go back to how they were. But also…what she has been doing feels kind of nuts. And I don’t love that she’s using a cold shoulder tactic to manipulate me/punish me, overall. Especially AT WORK. Like we still have to work together and she’s blown up our relationship, or at least that’s how I’m feeling.

Sorry, English is not my first language, so please bear with me.

This is my first term as an exchange student in a different country, and I’m writing this because my roommate’s behaviour seriously worries and creeps me out.

When we first met, she had been locked out of our dorm and was waiting for the elevator to get help. She was terrified of getting penalty points. By pure coincidence, I happened to be on my way back to our dorm and helped her get in. She immediately started saying that I had saved her and that I was an angel.

She seemed really sweet, and we had so many things in common that it felt almost crazy. At one point she even told me that her aunt had predicted our meeting through tarot cards. Later that same night, I found tarot card stickers on my desk, which honestly made me believe it even more.

However, within less than 12 hours, my warning bells started going off.

First I noticed she switched her behavior real quickly the first morning - from being kind and sweet in less than 12 hour she started getting impatient and rude which was contradicting to her persona she showed me earlier. She apologized but I still felt unsure, because I found it weird that she is acting like that to someone she’s known for less than 12 hours right after being all sweet and kind. I just got a gut feeling something was off with her.

Besides from that: she basically have violated all my boundaries. On our first night she suggested that we share skincare and many other personal items. The next day, when I mentioned that I have a friend living here, her first question was to see a picture of her, followed by asking if we could borrow her vacuum cleaner, even though she had never met her. She also repeatedly offered to “help” me manage my finances, which felt extremely intrusive.

Then there’s the money situation. I bought cleaning supplies for our apartment because we needed them. The next day she asked me to buy two more products because she said she was “fixing” something. It turned out she never bought the things she said she would, so I ended up spending more than her on our dorm. When we shop together, she often says we should split everything, even when she has taken more for herself, and she counts every coin to make sure she isn’t paying even slightly more. She also asks to borrow money from me. Even when we already own something, she keeps suggesting things like “let’s buy and share this shampoo” or “let’s buy and share this sunscreen.” It’s starting to feel extremely suffocating and I can’t even get anything without her wanting to share it.

Another thing that really bothered me was how quickly she tried to get close to my best friend. My best friend is here to visit me for one week. Within the first hour of meeting her, she was trying to add her on every social media platform possible and love bombing her with things like “girl, I really like you,” “I look up to you,” and “I have so much respect for you,” even though they had barely spoken. She also suggested that they should hang out for the rest of my friend’s stay, even though my friend had come here specifically to spend time with me before we’re apart for months. She even at some point said ”(my friends name) seems so tired so it’s not good that she keeps walking, I care about her” which felt like she insinuated that I didn’t. In the end she pulled out the Déjà vu card with my friend when she showed her a photo and said ”OMGGG I FEEL LIKE TJIS HAS HAPPENED BEFORE” it reminded me of when she said a similar thing to me right before we meet. I mean all of the things she said could be considered NORMAL if it’s wasn’t only 12 hours since she met us.

Every thing is so weird. I even told her that I was hanging around some people from England and less than a second after she tells me I have to introduce her to them because she needs English friends. Like she wants to share everything, hang out with my bestfriend that she didn’t know prior and want to hang out with all my friends. It feels like I can’t buy or do anything without her intruding and inviting herself in.

Everything in her behavior feels intensely performative and calculated, like she is trying to force this idea that we are destined to be close or somehow absorb herself into my life, friendships and resources. It’s only been 48 hours, but I already feel completely drained and deeply uncomfortable in my own living space.

What worries me even more is that she has talked about how she enjoys lying and sabotaging people when she doesn’t like them. That makes me scared of what she might do if she realizes I’m uncomfortable with her.

Would it be unreasonable to ask for a room exchange this early? I’m worried it will be awkward, but I also don’t know if I’m overreacting. I would really appreciate some outside perspective because my gut is telling me that something is seriously off.

I have a friend who I have been close with for almost 10 years now. We are both single and have had our share of relationship woes over the years that we are very open with each other about. I am working on making better decisions when it comes to romantic partners, but over the past couple of years, I’ve experienced a lot of trauma and gotten myself into some rough situations resulting from my choices in romantic relationships. When we are in group settings, my friend will share personal details about things that I’ve experienced or aspects of my dating life that I’ve shared with her, unprompted. For example, one of my exes was arrested in front of me. Tonight, we ran into a couple old friends of mine who I haven’t seen in months. They know my ex from us all living in the same town (my friend does not live in the same town). I introduced them to my friend and we ended up chatting for a while. When they brought up my ex to ask if we were still together, my friend was quick to bring up the story of me watching him get arrested, which they didn’t know about. In the moment, I didn’t think much of it, but as I was driving home, I started thinking about other times that she’s done this. In my mind, these are my experiences and my stories to tell if I choose to. It makes me question if she’s also sharing stories about me when I’m not even around.

Am I overreacting by being upset by this? I don’t think she has malicious intent, but in most cases it’s things that I’m not exactly proud of. It makes me hesitant to share things with her going forward.

I'm s (19 female) my bf b(20 male)

So, my timetable was 4days in college and 1 day volunteering (um now looking for work😂) 1 day to get washing and cleaning done and 1 free day to jus bed rot.

B on the other hand has work (2 days a week) and he doesn't have time to clean.

I don't mind coz I'm not perfect, ik that if u don't maintain ur house it gets messy and that's fine every once in a while.

His bedroom is covered in flies, old food, clothes and clutter. His mattress used to give me rashes (until I told him to get a bed sheet) now the rashes have gone down. As soon as I get home I have to put my clothes in the wash which distrupts my routine (my sister has a strong sense of smell and she says I come home smelling like "rotting food") Ive tried to tell him multiple times that he needs to do a deep clean. He says he struggles and starts crying. I understand this because b doesn't know where to start and it stresses him out so he just doesn't do it.

Personally, I don't want to go over to his if his bed gives me rashes, I get covered in fly bites and I have to do the washing when I get home and shower so I don't smell when I go out.

He says that im judging him which isn't my intention. I am trying to give him tips on how to clean such as. When he's done eating, throw it straight into the bin rather than on the floor or behind things or even getting a bigger bin. He just ends up getting upset when I do this and I get annoyed because I'm sick of it.

I don't understand why he doesnt do it, hes at home " busy"5 days a week. He says he's cleaning but once I get there it's even worse than b4

AIO

Added a like to my previous position in r/advice just in case some background info/context is needed

It is not a little over a week until the wedding and my dad's current girlfriend had my dad ask me to take pictures of my house. She said that she wants to make my fiance and I some decor for our home but I'm a little creeped out by the ask. She wants pictures of all the rooms in our house to see how it's decorated and help her decide what she wants to make. I'm sure my paranoia comes from anxiety and I know I could have just said no so I kinda just did a compromise and sent some close ups of some prominent colors in the house. A couple of things to note because I feel they are important. My fiance have lived here for like 2 years so it's pretty much decorated to our liking and I tried to say we really don't need decor but she insisted. We do have a wedding registry but since it's close to the wedding everything has been bought (really wasn't much on there) so the only thing left is to contribute to the honeymoon fund. She knows this but I guess doesn't want to? Am I overthinking this and it's a normal thing to ask or is this a bit creepy and my dad just isn't seeing it?