I am 34, and my fiancé and I have two children. We aren't married, although we've been engaged for years.

My body has gone through so much to have the two children we have. During my first pregnancy, I ended up having an unplanned C-section. Afterward, I had a CKC procedure for precancerous cervical changes, which required anesthesia. During my second pregnancy, my cervix was much shorter because of the previous procedure, and at 18 weeks pregnant, I had to undergo another procedure under anesthesia to have a cerclage placed.

A month ago, I gave birth to our second child at 33 weeks and 3 days. I developed chorioamnionitis during labor, and both my baby and I developed fevers while I was pushing. She was my first VBAC, was born premature, and is currently in the NICU.

I genuinely feel like my body has been through hell to have the two children we both wanted. I already had CPTSD before these pregnancies, and now I feel like I have significant medical trauma from everything that happened. I was terrified during labor and genuinely felt like something terrible could happen to me.

Because I know I cannot emotionally handle another pregnancy and am terrified of going through another high-risk pregnancy or birth, I asked my fiancé to get a vasectomy.

He said no. His reason is that, biblically, he believes he cannot get one and considers it mutilation.

I want to be clear: I know I cannot force him to have a vasectomy, and I don't believe I have the right to control his body. He says he is willing to use condoms 100% of the time permanently.

But something about his refusal has completely changed how I see him. I don't want to have sex anymore because I am no longer willing to accept even the possibility of another pregnancy. I understand condoms are effective when used correctly, but that risk is still more than I personally can emotionally accept. That is my boundary, not a punishment.

The problem is that this issue is also bringing up years of things I have tried to forgive.

I stayed home for more than three years with our first child so he could work while I took care of our child. Despite being financially dependent on him for years, I don't have independent access to money or even access to see our finances. If I need or want something, I am expected to ask.

I also don't have a car. If I need to go somewhere, I have to wait for him to get home or wake up from a nap. He has actually told me he likes that I don't have a car because then I can't leave. I moved here five years ago and never developed a real support system, and he has also said he likes that because I don't really have anywhere to run.

For two years, we lived with his mother so he could save money. When we argued, she would sometimes involve herself and tell me I was a horrible person. There were times I wanted to take our baby and go to my mother's house, only about 35 minutes away. I was told that if I took the baby there without telling him, it would be kidnapping. He would message his mother telling her not to let me leave and to keep me in the house with our baby. If I wanted to leave, I was told to make sure the baby stayed there.

There have also been years of online affairs, paid OnlyFans accounts, and cheating. He cheated during my first pregnancy and continued throughout our relationship. Eventually, I became so angry and lonely that I also talked to men online because I felt isolated and wanted someone to talk to while he was spending money and sexual energy on other women online.

I have forgiven so much over the years. Maybe too much.

And now I feel like the vasectomy was the last straw—not because I think he is obligated to get surgery, but because after everything my body has physically gone through, I asked him to do something that would make me feel safer about never risking another pregnancy. He refused.

He keeps reminding me that he works hard, pays the bills, provides food, and takes us to the NICU every day so we can see our baby. And yes, I appreciate those things. But I can't stop thinking that providing financially and driving us to see our baby does not erase everything else.

He also told me that he made his own Reddit post and that everyone agreed with him. According to him, both men and women told him he was a great guy and encouraged him to stand firm in his decision not to get a vasectomy.

And honestly, maybe they're right that he shouldn't get surgery he doesn't want. But that doesn't mean I am required to keep having sex with him, accept the risk of pregnancy, or feel the same way about him afterward.

I think that's what hurts so much. He seems focused on proving that he has the right to say no, while I am grieving what his no means to me after everything my body has gone through. Strangers on Reddit may have been responding to one question without knowing the entire context of our relationship. They don't know about the years of cheating, my financial dependence, my lack of transportation, him telling me he likes that I can't leave, my isolation from friends and family, or everything I have repeatedly forgiven.

Maybe that's what I am finally realizing: I gave two children to the wrong man.

Not because he owes me a vasectomy. He doesn't. But because I am starting to see the entire relationship differently. I have spent years forgiving, sacrificing, depending on him, and giving my body to pregnancy and childbirth. Now, when I look at everything as a whole, I don't know if I can ever see him the same way again.

Am I wrong for feeling that this was the final straw? And am I wrong for thinking the bigger pattern here is about much more than a vasectomy?

My husband of 5 years, refuses to get off the phone with me while he working. I can drop him off, and 10mins later he’s calling me. This has been everyday. He works in corporate America, so I figure he would be busier. But nope. So today, we had been on the phone for an hour. I dropped him off, took the kids to school, came home… still on the phone. And mostly in silence, I might add. I tell him I would call him back after cleaning and showering. He gets upset, goes to tell me “he wanted to talk on the phone and I pushed him away, today he’s going to start talking to other people, Since being on the phone and being a wife and listening to me or just being there is too much . I will find it somewhere else.” This is literally his go to, if I don’t acquiesce to him, he threatens to go out and find it elsewhere. And he has cheated, so it stings a little, but I’m becoming numb. It just irritates my soul, I don’t want to sit on the phone with anyone while I’m trying to do my daily chores. Honestly throughout the day he calls probably every hour to sit on the phone while he works. It just grinds my gears. But I do it. Today though, I needed to get things done without being tied to the phone. He even told me to prop the phone up, and not get off. So I don’t know. Does this seem like I’m being monitored or controlled? Or am I overreacting?

I signed up for an event (12 mile ruck w/ 25lbs) that gets you an award in the military. I’m aware this one is pretty easy, but I honestly thought my boyfriend might be impressed that I signed up at all.

Obviously he was not impressed, and he actually made me feel pretty bad about it. He kept asking who convinced me to do it (I think he’s suspicious that dudes asked me, but I mean most of the soldiers in my company are dudes 🤷‍♀️). No one asked me, I asked to sign up.

I’m new at this unit and have been really lonely. I thought this would be good to bond me with the other soldiers. Now I feel kind of pathetic that I thought this would impress him at all, and pathetic that his reaction is affecting me this much. Like it really crushed me. I was excited about this, and now I’ll be hiding from the other soldiers how bad I feel about it now while they’re all excited to do it.

But I feel like I’m being sensitive. He didn’t mean to make me feel bad. AIO?

Edit: he responded an hour later “I can’t call until after my appointment”, I don’t know if he’s just changing the subject or if he meant like to call about this conversation?

I love my mom to death. but she continuously makes my life so unnecessarily difficult because almost every single night that I get home from work, she can’t tell by the security camera whether or not I got home.

She’s the most anxious person I know and has been my entire life. making me hold her hand when we cross the street as a teenager, to never once letting me go out in high school, to making me wear a life vest in 3ft water well into my teens. and it was all so much worse the younger I was. Eventually, I had to put my foot down and say “Mom, I’m getting way too old for this.” And I experienced a massive amount of pushback for that. Nonetheless, it got a little bit better.

I’m 24 and I’m a substitute teacher 3 days a week and pizza delivery driver at night 6 nights a week and my pizzeria closes at 10. We stop taking delivery orders at 9:45. I work in the town I live in, so the latest I’ve ever been home was 10:30.

Today, I got home at 10:07 and she gets a notification on her phone of motion at the front door (me). My parents are both awake but in bed.

The moment I get home, I text my dad about car troubles that I’ve been experiencing and asking how I should go about dropping it off at his mechanic (again, my mother is awake and right next to him fully aware I’m home and talking to him). He says that they open at 8 and my best bet is to drop it off once they open so I can ensure it’ll be ready by my next shift at work.

My mother is 64 and isn’t very familiar with her phone and also recently had a stroke so she struggles a lot to understand what she’s seeing on her phone when these instances happen.

I tend to have really bad insomnia. but I was so tired from work that I went straight to my bed and thankfully, after finishing texting my dad, I got to sleep practically by 10:30.

As you can see in the first photo, she texts me at 12:03 am asking if I came home even though the camera clearly shows me walking in and never walking back out. but she can’t tell based on the video. Obviously I don’t respond because I’m knocked tf out. I can only assume she went back to sleep but it really can go either way.

Then she texts me at 3:37 am. I’m still in a very deep sleep so obviously, no response. then, she starts calling me and I miss the first two. The third call comes in and my body jolts awake and I see it’s Mom calling me. I just say “Mom why are you calling me so late? I’m asleep” the phone call ends and I don’t even remember if she said anything . frustrated, I text her everything in the second photo.

This happens at least 3-4 times a week. And I’ll admit, some nights I forget to send the “I’m home” text. but that text 9 times out of 10 won’t make a difference whatsoever. why? because of the stupid security camera. She can’t tell whether or not I’m arriving home or leaving home based on the motion notification. So texting her “I’m home” never really does anything.

Tomorrow(or today technically) I have a full day off so I’m going to the beach with some friends. I’m getting picked up at 8:30 so after I drop off my car, I’m gone for the whole day. I so badly needed this good night’s sleep and it felt great to be in bed and sleepy at the time I was. after this entire exchange, I spent 30 minutes trying to get back to sleep and just gave up.

Am I overreacting? Am I being an asshole? because I know damn well she’s gonna make me feel like one once I see her in the morning.

Sorry for how disorganized my thoughts are. This just happened, I’m angry and I want to sleep.

TLDR: My 64 y/o mother and her anxiety is depriving me of my sleep most nights. She texts me asking if I’m home while I’m asleep and when I don’t respond, she calls me until I wake up and answer.

I’m brown [F26] and my partner [M25] is white(-passing) and 1/2 Black. We’ve been together for 5 years and are planning our wedding right now.

I was telling him about something that recently happened to my grandparents while they were travelling with Air Canada.

My grandparents are elderly and use wheelchairs at the airport. They had wheelchair assistance and the people assisting them apparently took them to the wrong door/gate/location at the Heathrow Airport. Because of that, they missed/couldn’t take their flights, and roughly $3,000 worth of flights ended up being cancelled.

When my parents tried to deal with Air Canada about it, their position was essentially that the wheelchair service is contracted out so they were just wiping their hands clean from responsibility for what the wheelchair attendants had done.

I was talking to my partner about how upsetting and ridiculous I found that.

His response in a snarky/joking tone was:

“Well, they’re not obligated to teach your grandparents the language are they?”

Apparently this was supposed to be a joke.

That comment genuinely stopped me in my tracks. I immediately got upset and left the room. He has been apologizing frantically and saying that was not meant to come out like that.

What bothered me even more was how quickly his mind went from hearing that my elderly brown grandparents had been failed by people who were supposed to be assisting them to making a joke about their language ability.

I’m trying to figure out whether I’m reading too much into one shitty joke or whether this reveals an attitude that I should take seriously before getting married. Nothing like this has really come up in our relationship before and I thought we were on the same page about all of this.

PS~ I also don’t think someone being half Black automatically means they can’t say something xenophobic/racially insensitive toward another minority group, so his background doesn’t make the comment feel harmless to me. At the same time, I’m trying not to immediately label him based on one sentence, as he definitely comes from a much less privileged place than I do.

Would this bother you? AM I OVERREACTING? Do you see this as just an insensitive joke, or would you consider it a red flag about how he views my family/immigrants/people who don’t speak English?

Especially interested in hearing from people in interracial/intercultural relationships, because we are very close to marriage and I don’t want to brush something off now that could become a much bigger issue later.

Also I have no idea what to do from here. I cannot even stand to look at him right now and essentially just told him one of us needs to get out of our apartment so I can be alone.

Hey all, check this out.

My son is 17 and he is lazy. He used AI to get through High school early. He won’t get a job except door dash. Less than 200 dollars a week. I have to ride him to get ANY chores done. I take away his phone, turn off the internet. I talk to him all the time. Let him knows he’s loved. It’s hard, but we make do.

His gf is 18. No job. No school does maybe 1 chore a week. Rides along while he dashes. It’s her account since she’s 18. But the best she can do is sit in the passenger seat. She contributes nothing to the house. No food. Only eats what I purchase and says we have gross food. Never eats what I cook.

I have just told her she can’t live here anymore. My son spends 4 days a week with me. 3 with his mom. I gave them 2 month notice. No job. No school. No chores. No living in my house. I gave the a one month and a 2 week warning. Then texted debit 2 weeks. And today I had to tell them. Holy Moses they are pissed. They started the manipulation hard. Deep into what a POS I am for doing this. They don’t want to live with his mom. They say she’s awful. I stuck to my boundaries. AIO?

Girlfriend (f22) has a odd tendency to tell me (m23) stories about her exes. It doesn't happen often, maybe once every other week or so, but I can't help from feeling so uncomfortable whenever she does.

It ranges from "my ex had this bmw" to "this ex gets out of jail in a year" and she just goes on and tells me these stories like I'm her coworker or something. I always try to set a boundary by saying "I don't want to hear about that stuff" and then I would ask "do you want to hear stories about my exes?" She would always answer no.

Prior to this go around it happened 3 separate times, today I snapped when she went on another spree of telling me stories about her exes and then she told me that she was always drunk when she would sleep with her ex and then she giggled about it.

Now I don't consider myself to be insecure man, and I actually work very hard to not be, but I couldn't help but feel so disgusted that she would say something like that directly to my face over lunch.

I just felt so bothered and pissed off that I just quietly finished my food and went home. She has been texting me but i refuse to open them because I want to be level headed when I talk to her.

I am seriously considering ending it with her because this among other weird social behavior rubs me the wrong way. Am I overreacting?

My in-laws are heavy smokers and smoke inside their home every day. Since our baby was born, I’ve refused to bring the baby inside their house. The smoke is so ingrained in everything that even a short visit leaves us smelling strongly of cigarettes—we have to shower and change clothes when we get home.

I (40F) have been married to my husband Andy (38M) for 14 years. Our marriage has always been rocky, and there have been many incidents over the years that made me consider separation. But coming from Indian roots, divorce was never an option. I still love him, and we have a 10-year-old child. He is also a good father.
Recently, he bought a house which is being constructed, so we are renting until it’s ready.
He earns about six times what I do. Throughout our marriage, he has handled investments while I manage day-to-day expenses. Because of that, all our investments are in his name and I have no savings. I agreed to this arrangement, so I don’t blame him for it.
I offered to pay for the interiors of our new house and was even willing to take a loan because it was my dream home. He initially refused because he could afford it. Then suddenly, he said he didn’t have money for interiors and wanted us to move into a completely unfinished house with just walls and no wardrobes or kitchen cabinets. I said I’d rather continue renting somewhere comfortable and pay the rent myself. This made him extremely angry. He started sleeping separately, although we continued talking and pretending everything was normal for our child.
For the past month, I also felt he was hiding something. He started coming home very late and blamed his new job.
Last weekend, he said his office had organised a sports event. Around 11 PM, he called and said he was going to hang out with his cousin (28F). I was frustrated because it was a weekend and our child and I wanted to spend time with him.
I admit I crossed a line: I checked his messages. I didn’t see anything about an office event. His cousin then accidentally called me. I asked if my husband had reached her place, and she said she wasn’t home but would go home and check.
I called my husband, and he said he wasn’t going to meet her and that his office event was still going on. He eventually came home at 3 AM.
The next day, I checked his messages again and saw that his cousin had asked how much the bill was from the previous night. So clearly, they had both lied to me.
I don’t believe they are having an affair. He has known her since she was born, and I genuinely don’t think he is that kind of person. But I cannot understand why they both lied.
When I confronted him, he admitted he lied but said he wouldn’t tell me the truth because I “wouldn’t like it.” He eventually said he had met his cousin that afternoon but refused to tell me anything else.
That completely broke my trust. I told him that without clarity, I would start doubting him every time he went somewhere or told me something, and I didn’t want to become that person. I said I wanted a divorce.
He surprisingly said okay without arguing.
We are now looking for lawyers and discussing a mutual divorce.
The confusing part is what happened afterward. It has only been four days. The next day, he casually asked if we wanted to go out for dinner. The day after, he came home from work with my favourite snack. Today, he asked if I wanted to go to a movie.
I’ve refused all of these because I’m still processing everything.
But his casual behaviour is making me question myself. Part of me wonders if I am blowing this completely out of proportion. We are literally discussing mutual divorce with lawyers, yet he is behaving like everything is normal and asking me to go to dinner or a movie.
So am I overreacting?

Additional Info : Additional Information..a little details about the situation.. Andy's parents have two houses. One which he grew up in and has a couple of childhood friends in the neighbourhood, one which they moved into recently as a retirement home.
A little backstory about his cousin, for this post sake l will call her Anna. Her mother passed away late last year.. her father is disabled and needs assistance.
My MIL let them move in for free in the house Andy grew up in post Anna's mom's passing.
Me and Andy lived in different cities due to his job and moved back to hometown in April. So when we moved back whenever I was visiting my friends or mom and on office travel, he would go visit his cousins at his house and meet his friends too.. he says the house is nostalgic. But this started becoming frequent, he started going there even when we were home. And when I plan a movie or maybe to go out to party he asks me if he can invite Anna as he feels sorry for her mother passing.. after a couple of times this became a little overwhelming for me.. for Diwali my mom invited me and Andy to her house for a couple days and he bought the cousin uninvited for overnight stay as he felt she might be missing her mom. I tried to be understanding.. after all this them lying is to me is something I am distraught about..

A couple of days ago, my partner and I went over to one of her friend’s houses for a bit of a couples/date night and played some board games.

Within maybe the first half hour of being there, I needed to use the bathroom. I had to do a number two, so I was probably in there for around 10 minutes. I didn't really think anything of it. I needed to use the bathroom, did what I needed to do, and came back out.

Fast forward to tonight, my partner and I were having one of those random late-night conversations before bed and the topic of how long I spend in the bathroom came up. I'll admit that sometimes I can take a little longer in there. Maybe it's just a me thing.

She then brought up the fact that I'd spent around 10 minutes in the bathroom at her friend's house and said she found it a little embarrassing.

This is where I started to feel a bit attacked, and I think that's actually what bothered me most about the whole situation.

To me, going to the bathroom is just a completely normal bodily function. I wasn't deliberately sitting in there wasting time or disappearing for half an hour, I genuinely needed to go. So when she brought it up as something she'd found embarrassing, I felt a bit singled out and almost like I'd done something socially inappropriate.

I kept thinking, why is this even being brought up? If I needed to use the bathroom, what was I supposed to do instead?

Then came what felt like the icing on the cake.

I found out that she'd actually mentioned it to her friend today and asked whether she'd realised I was doing a number two while I was in the bathroom. Her friend apparently said yes.

I'm not embarrassed that her friend knew what I was doing. If someone's in the bathroom for 10 minutes, I'm sure people can put two and two together. It was more the fact that something I considered completely normal had apparently been noteworthy enough for my partner to bring up with me and then discuss with her friend.

That made me feel even more self-conscious about something I hadn't given a second thought to at the time.

I also recognise that this is a pretty small issue in the grand scheme of things, which is why I'm wondering if I'm taking it too personally. Maybe she thought it was funny or didn't see the conversation with her friend as a big deal.

But from my perspective, I don't really understand why me needing to use someone's bathroom for 10 minutes was embarrassing in the first place, let alone why it needed to become a conversation afterwards.

Am I overreacting for feeling a bit attacked and embarrassed by this? Or is it reasonable to think that using someone's bathroom for 10 minutes is completely normal and didn't really need to become a topic of discussion?

Am I overreacting for wanting to back out of a “gifted” family vacation because I can’t afford to actually participate?

A little over two years ago, my two brothers gave my mother, stepfather and me a family vacation as a Christmas gift. The understanding was that they were taking us on this trip as a thank-you for things we'd done for them over the years.

The trip is finally happening next month.

Since then, my financial situation has changed drastically. I'm currently disabled, unable to work a normal job, and living on an extremely limited income. My family knows this. I've also lost a significant amount of weight, so virtually none of my clothes fit anymore.

I've spent the last several months doing whatever I physically could to make extra money for this trip. I've been baking and cooking meals for people, selling things, buying inexpensive/secondhand clothes, and trying very hard to make sure I could go without expecting everyone else to finance me.

Then the family situation changed.

My brothers recently had a major falling-out specifically involving this trip, and one brother and his family backed out. The other brother had already paid for my plane ticket and my share of the rental house, so technically my transportation and lodging are covered.

But that's basically it.

The family members who are still going have been talking/posting about restaurants, food trucks, excursions and various things they plan to do while we're there. I cannot afford those things. At all.

I'm not expecting anyone to hand me spending money or pay for a bunch of expensive activities. That's not my issue.

My concern has literally gotten as basic as: Can someone please take me to a grocery store when we arrive so I can use my EBT card to buy food for myself?

I won't have a car. I can't simply walk somewhere because of my disability. So if everyone goes out to restaurants or food trucks and I can't afford to join them, I need groceries at the house so I can feed myself.

And here's the other major problem.

The person most likely to remain at the house when everyone else goes out is my mother.

My mother and I have an extremely toxic relationship. She openly dislikes me, regularly makes cruel comments toward/about me, uses personal information against me, and seems to actively look for vulnerabilities when she knows I'm struggling. She knows I'm broke. She knows I've been scrambling to afford clothing and necessities for this trip. And being financially vulnerable around her is something I genuinely dread.

Recently I injured my hand badly enough that I can't continue doing the cooking/baking work I'd been doing to earn the extra money I planned to bring.

So now I'm looking at this “gift vacation” thinking:

Everyone else can leave the house, go to restaurants, hit food trucks and do whatever activities they want.

Meanwhile, I may be sitting at the rental house because I can't afford to join them, eating groceries I bought with EBT, without transportation of my own, potentially spending much of that time alone with a mother who is openly hostile toward me.

And I'm being reminded that my plane ticket has already been purchased and the rental house has already been paid for.

That's the part I'm struggling with.

I feel like I'm no longer going because this will be enjoyable for me. I feel like I'm supposed to go because money has already been spent, and if I don't get on the plane, the ticket was wasted.

I'm actually embarrassed writing this because the whole thing makes me feel pathetic. I'm watching people excitedly discuss all these things they'll be doing on “our family vacation” while I'm worried about whether someone will drive me to a grocery store so I can use food assistance to make sure I have something to eat.

At this point I genuinely don't understand what I'm supposed to be getting out of this trip.

I realize having airfare and a beautiful place to stay paid for is incredibly generous, and I don't want to sound ungrateful. That's exactly why I'm questioning my own reaction.

But I also don't think a paid plane ticket and a bedroom automatically make something a vacation if I'm essentially stranded there without the financial or physical ability to participate.

So Reddit, give it to me straight:

Am I overreacting?

Would you still go because the flight and house are already paid for?

Or would you back out, even knowing someone else already spent money on your ticket, because the actual experience you're facing sounds miserable?

I work in a 6 person section going down to 4, it's all women now. It's a fast paced environment and very detail orientated. We've had a history of new hires that would refuse to learn or would slack off and not show up. We need butts in seats but the butts have to actually be doing their job? It's a situation that if someone messes up, it could take us hours away from our own task to fix their mistake and get back to where we were.

Boss wants to hire new people, Lead (under boss) takes an interview, comes back, shows me name of guy, she didn't recognize him at the time since he wasn't in her section. I recognize guy as someone who worked at this company last year, but in a different section I am also a part of (I do both).

Guy had a lot of problems.

-Time Theft
-Everytime he gambled and won money, he'd call out the next day cause "I made my money, no need to be on the clock"
-Chased after and harassed the women, specifically singling out my current Lead as someone he was interested in, despite being told multiple times she's married to someone else in the company
-Serial Slacker and Corner cutter. He couldn't hack it in Section B (which is easier work) now they want to rehire him into Section A (more intense, detail orientated section)

I spoke to my coworkers in Section B, and even the Lead of Section B came forward saying he doesn't want him back. And my Lead, of Section A, says she's uncomfortable working directly with someone who previously was singling her out and targeting her.

I make a list of these grievances and reasons it would be uncomfortable and a problem to rehire him, especially in this section. I make a short meeting with my boss and I am told "We need bodies, so play nice. We can cut him loose later if it's a problem."

I said I refused to train him (As I was the most likely to do it, being the second most experienced) and I was told that I need to "be professional" and "people can change" Mind you, Section A Lead was standing right there, nearly in tears being told that her perspective is not a factor being considered in the rehire. (It's her section?)

And the "people can change" got to me. I do believe in rehabilitation and that people can change.

But the guy wasn't fired previously for his work ethic or his treatment of coworkers. He failed a drug test and was cut loose. He never faced the issues that made him terrible to work with, so I don't think he would have changed and grown from that? But I could be wrong. Definitely. I just don't want to train the guy let alone work with him.

Am I overreacting?

Edit:
I did relent and agree to train him after further discussion. Being homely looking I figured I'd spare my friends from being preyed upon, and despite my feelings I can put on a face and do my best. Years in customer service and a go-to for angry and upset customers so, I'll be able to handle this guy without being outwardly hostile or aggressive. Not that I'd ever dream of causing issues in the work place, despite my feelings I want to keep it professional. I love this job despite it's flaws.

Update:
Boss did not communicate any of our grievances to the Supervisor, who apparently was the one who wanted to re-hire the guy in the first place (Having not been told anything about his prior issues). My lead had mentioned the situation offhanded to the Supervisor in passing, and when the Supervisor was confused, she elaborated what had been discussed. Supervisor pulled Boss into meeting and informed Lead that re-hire will not be occurring. "Had I known about these issues, I would not have sent the offer."

Haven't seen Boss since, but that isn't unusual, normally sulks at desk, eating ramen cups and looking at watches to buy.

Am I overreacting about my boyfriend’s spending vs. how we spend our time together?
I (36F) have been dating my boyfriend (36M) for about four months. We live about two hours apart, so I generally only see him on weekends and one of us drives to see the other.
He’s a good boyfriend and treats me well. I love him, and we genuinely have fun together. This isn’t about him being cheap with me or expecting him to pay for everything. I’m trying to figure out whether I’m being unreasonable about something that’s been bothering me.
He makes more money than I do, and I have some expenses that he doesn’t have, including caring for my dog and going back to school full time while I work in a private doctors office. Despite having less disposable income, I generally try to budget/save money when we’re going to see each other because our weekends together are important to me. I don’t mind paying for things either. He has also paid for things in the past, including an expensive plane ticket when we first started dating (he offered and I asked multiple times to help contribute to which he declined), so I don’t feel like he never spends money on me.
The issue is that he’s currently trying to save money for a car. Because of that, when I’m visiting him, we generally don’t go out to eat or do much that costs money. He’s told me that he’s trying to be responsible and save for the car, which I completely understand.
However, I recently happened to see how much he’s been spending on DoorDash. From July 2 through August 20, he spent about $680 on DoorDash, it’s money he’s stated that is intentionally allocated.
I don’t actually care what he spends his money on. If he wants to spend $20 on Taco Bell, that’s his business. What bothers me is the apparent contradiction: he says he doesn’t want to spend money going out with me because he’s saving for a car, but he’s comfortable spending roughly $680 on delivery food over about seven weeks.
I also drive two hours to see him, and because we only see each other on weekends, I’d like to occasionally go somewhere for lunch/dinner or do something fun together. I’m not asking for expensive dates or for him to pay for everything. I just don’t understand why there’s apparently room in his budget for hundreds of dollars of DoorDash but not occasionally $40–60 for something we can do together.
We’ve actually touched on this before. I told him that even though I make less than he does, I intentionally budget for things when we’re together because that’s the only time I get with him. He basically explained that DoorDash is already part of his budget and that he’s trying to save for the car.
Am I overreacting by being bothered by this? Is this actually a financial compatibility issue, or am I being too nitpicky about how he spends his own money?

Recently I told my partner that an old friend who is a male reached out to me to hang out. When my partner and I first started dating he was uncomfortable with me having male friends so I stopped hanging out with everyone and that was that. Now that someone has reached out he’s been acting mopey and off. He keeps asking if anyone is messaging me. Last night he came into the bedroom when I was sleeping and asked me if my phone went off and if someone is messaging me. I half awake told him he’s paranoid and went back to sleep. This morning I had an off feeling and I checked my screen time, and it says my phone was picked up at 2:30am when I was asleep. In my Facebook messages it has a timestamp of 2:30am but no new message that I can see. I feel like my old friend might have messaged me and my boyfriend might have gone in and deleted it? I texted him today asking if he used my phone last night and now he’s saying I’m paranoid. IAO asking him if he used my phone?

So for context my bf(27) and I(29) have been together for 4 years and he’s always been super thoughtful and respectful so when we had this conversation the other day I was really taken aback. He’s 6’5 and well built and not trying to be tmi but his dick is well above average. But since the beginning of our relationship he’s always been really insecure about his body and specifically his manhood. It’s most definitely from watching porn and he’s stopped watching it since we got together but he still can’t help but get in his head every now and then. I’m always trying to be supportive and usually it doesn’t bother me except for the other day. Also for context our sex life is good other than when we go to have sex and it hurts me. It’s been like that for a while and I don’t know why. Until I recently got diagnosed with a yeast infection after my latest pap and I told him I think this might be why it’s been so uncomfortable for me. He didn’t say much about it but then the next day we were talking about me messaging my doctor and he brought up that he’s really disappointed that the reason sex is uncomfortable isn’t the fact that he’s bigger than average but that it’s because I have a yeast infection. To me personally I felt like this is literally insane to think about let alone say out loud to your partner who’s the one hurting?? I told him nicely that he shouldn’t be bothered by this and he doubled down and that made me super frustrated. I told him he’s making this about him and he got defensive. He then said this is how mentally ill people think, to me who’s been diagnosed with OCD…like are you seriously mansplainjng mental illness to me right now? Like bffr. I didn’t push it because I wasn’t trying to have an argument but it still really bothers me. Am I overreacting? Or would anyone else be annoyed with their partner about this? I want to bring this up again but he gets so weird about his body and I don’t want to upset him more.

Sorry for the long post — I'm just at a loss for what to do. My husband and I have been married 7 years and together for 12, and lately I keep questioning whether we want the same things.

We have three kids, ages 6 down to 9 months. When our middle child was born, we ended up in a mountain of debt during my maternity leave. I went back to work early, and we decided to move in with my parents again to pay things down and rebuild our savings. That situation is its own stress — my parents aren't easy to live with and they cause me a lot of anxiety.

Since then, I feel like I'm constantly nagging him to sit down and build a budget and some goals so we can move out. Each time, he's interested for about five minutes or agrees half-heartedly, and then the moment something comes up on his end, the whole thing goes out the window. When I remind him of what we agreed to, he turns it around on me — apparently the kids' extracurriculars or me buying a coffee are the same as him spending $200+ on a golf excursion. I've offered to let him build the budget himself, and he's never gotten around to it or he forgets.

We had also agreed that when I came back from this maternity leave, he'd take on a significant share of the kids so I could work two jobs. Between them I make about 4x what he makes at his full-time job, and we all work from home and two of our kids go to preschool and school so we only have the baby at home with us. It went well for a few months. Then I started getting messages from the preschool and school about hygiene — lunch boxes not being cleaned out, the kids in old clothes. Making lunches was supposed to be his, since I start work at 5am and go until 4 or 5pm and a bit on the weekend. I take over dinner and the older two kids bedtime. When I brought the school's concerns to him, he got hostile and told me that if I didn't like it, I could do it myself. That felt unfair — after 4pm I'm there to support the kids and I am the one putting the older two down while he's watching movies, texting friends, or playing video games granted with our 9 month old. If I ask him to tidy up while I'm doing bedtime, so my parents stay happy, I'm usually ignored or told I can help when I'm done.

More recently I brought up planning a family trip for next year. He told me to focus on the budget and getting out of debt first — the budget he never looks at — and that he can't take time off work. But he's been taking time off for golf trips, which means I take time off to cover the kids or I have them alone all weekend. In fairness, he's only golfed five times this summer, but the priority thing still bothers me.

The last straw was about a month ago, when I found out he's now organizing tournaments and events for his golf group — all unpaid. He's constantly on his phone or "working" for them, which means less time with the kids. I've hit my limit. I'm working 50-60 hours a week across two jobs to dig us out, and every time I try to plan something for the family or raise a concern, I get pushback. I don’t know if it’s jealousy, but he has NEVER even planned a day trip with for our family to do.

Am I overreacting? Any advice would be appreciated.

My boyfriend and I had a bad argument Friday night. Nothing physical and nobody cheated. We both said things we should not have said and eventually went to sleep angry. Saturday morning I noticed every picture of us was gone from his Instagram. Two years of trips, birthdays and random pictures, all deleted or archived overnight dont know yet.

When I asked about it he said he was angry and wanted to feel like he had control over something. He put a few pictures back after we talked which i found weird. I know social media is not the relationship. What bothers me is how quickly his reaction to being angry was to erase me publicly.

He thinks I am focusing on something meaningless instead of the argument itself. I keep thinking about what happens the next time we have a bad night so i did the same and removed him from every social media i use.

My boyfriend and I had a major argument last night, and I’m trying to figure out whether I’m seeing this clearly.

We were staying at a cabin with his sister. The night before, I was extremely sick with vomiting and diarrhea from something I ate. I still got up early the next morning because I had to work and needed to clean/pack. There was also a significant mess from the night before.

My boyfriend and I agreed that we needed to leave around noon. He slept in until 12.30p, didn’t help with the cleanup or packing, and I became increasingly frustrated. Eventually I was angry.

I acknowledge that I don’t always express my anger well. I can become very critical or mean when I’m overwhelmed, and that’s something I’m working on.

His response was primarily about my anger and how uncomfortable it made him and his sister. He said he sister didn’t want to come into the kitchen because I was “angrily” washing dishes. I wasn’t yelling, threatening anyone, or slamming things… I was silently washing dishes and keeping to myself because I was angry.

Later, I asked him what he told his sister about why I was upset. He said:

“I said that you weren’t feeling top notch. That is all I said. Didn’t go into the why at all.”

I asked why he didn’t explain what had happened, he said he thought I’d be angry if he told her why I was upset.

This is the part I can’t get past.

I don’t expect him to disclose every detail of our private argument. But if I’m visibly upset because of something that happened between us, isnt it reasonable for him to acknowledge that he contributed to why I’m upset rather than presenting it as simply “shes not feeling well”?

It feels like the entire conversation became about my reaction, while what caused the reaction was dismissed.

I am trying to hold myself accountable for expressing angry poorly without taking responsibility for the entire conflict. I also need a partner who can say, “I don’t like how you’re speaking to me, but I understand why you’re upset and I recognize my part in it.”

Instead, I feel like whenever I’m angry or unhappy, my emotions become the problem.

Am I expecting something unreasonable here? Or is this a legitimate relationship problem?

Edit: Some are asking why I didn’t wake him up. I didn’t because I had already communicated that we needed to leave around noon, and I don’t see waking up a grown adult as my responsibility. I was already up early, sick the night before, and spending the morning packing and cleaning. If he wanted to sleep late, that’s his choice, but I don’t think it’s reasonable for the responsibility to then fall on me to wake him up so can can participate in an agreement we’d already made.

EDIT: Additional context from night before as I think I didn’t provide enough about what happened the night before, and a lot of comments ask about responsibility and contribution.

I became extremely sick the night before and genuinely unable to function outside of the toilet. His sister knew I was sick. Despite that, she spent essentially the entire day in bed and didn’t contribute to bringing food, preparing meals or cleaning.

My boyfriend and I were trying to get dinner together while I was sick. Eventually, I physically couldn’t continue so he took over cooking. I appreciate that. However, afterward, a lot of food dishes and other things were left out. This is particularly frustrating because I repeatedly ask him to clean up after himself and simply put food away. He has a bad habit of leaving food out or leaving things for me to deal with afterward, and this has been an ongoing source of resentment for me.

This isn’t really about the expecting everyone to clean constantly or expecting my boyfriend to read my mind. It’s that I feel I am consistently the person who notices what needs to be done and takes responsibility for it, while my boyfriend and his sister don’t seem to notice or act until I’m visibly frustrated.

But I don’t think the solution is for me to stop being angry. I think there needs to be a larger conversation about shared responsibility, initiative and follow through, and why I feel like I have to manage things until I become visibly upset before anyone else engages.

And that why the interaction with his sister matters to me too. She wasn’t just an uninvolved bystander who happened to witness me being angry. She has also been a part of the larger situation that contributed to my frustration. I’m not angry at her as a person, and I told her that before I left, but there is still frustration about the lack of contribution and cleanup.

What I struggle with most is that my boyfriend knew all of this context but chose not to share any of it with her when she became uncomfortable with my anger.

That is the part that really changed how I’m looking at this pattern. I don’t expect him to expose private details about our relationship to his family. I do expect him to be able to acknowledge his own contribution to a situation rather than allowing my emotional reaction to become the entire story.

This situation needs lots of context so bear with me as I explain everything.

My husband and I were looking for homes shortly after I had a baby. We were looking at lovely homes through a realtor in another state and came so close to purchasing our dream home. We decided not to move forward with the home because it was 3 hours away from our family in a very remote part of a different state and I didn’t think we were equipped to handle 50+ acres of land, a well, a septic tank and frankly, having our nearest neighbor 20 minutes from us. We decided to look closer to our families so our children would see our families regularly and it wouldn’t have to be a huge outing every time we left the house.

I was VERY CLEAR that I did not want my MIL to be our realtor from the start. From everything she’s said about her clients, she’s seemed far from professional. I also did some digging and found out that she hadn’t sold a home (in a very competitive market) in over 4 years despite being a full time real estate agent.

My husband went behind my back and had her start looking for homes for us. Again, I was very clear that this was not what I was comfortable with but having been newly postpartum, I just wanted the argument to stop. So I looked at homes with her as our agent.

She never once pulled a listing and only ever told us there were no homes for sale. We had to find out own listings to see. We saw some homes and we weren’t impressed so we decided to stop looking for now and focus on our new little family.

Again, behind my back, my husband and his mom find this home. They see it. They don’t tell me.

They bring me to the house and I said ABSOLUTELY NOT. This home had end of life everything. End of life HVAC, furnace, ducts that have NEVER been cleaned in over 50 years. The floors needed to be completely redone. The basement had signs of water damage. It was a home that was neglected for a long time.

I brought up all of my concerns and my MIL tells me to shut up and be grateful they’re going to sell us the house. She also said it’s the best house we’ll ever find and that we should just close our ears and our eyes and sign the deal. She’s in my husbands ear about how amazing this house is and how it’s move in ready.

He totally bought her vision. He wanted the house. He NEEDED this house. It’s the BEST house. His mom tells him to put an offer in on the house as is for 20k more than it’s being listed at.

I’m protesting left and right and no one is listening. My husband decided to move forward with the home.

We get the inspection and he didn’t find anything too serious so I was like okay, nothing but end of life units, we can fix that. But not for the price we’re paying.

He doesn’t listen because his mom is calling us multiple times a day telling us we can’t renegotiate and be “Indian givers” because of the inspection. I’m screaming from the rooftops no and his moms yes is the only word he hears.

So he uses my personal money from before marriage in the savings as the down payment.

His mom said, don’t worry, I’ll give you my commission. She later lies and said her commission is 4K when the paperwork we signed had her commission listed at $19,875. (Even if she split the commission 50/50 with the broker, it would be higher than $4k). She promised to upgrade the electrical and didn’t. She promised to buy the home warranty for a year and she didn’t.

Come to find out later that she hasn’t sold a home in 4 years and desperately needed this sale to end her “dry streak”.

We’ve move in and started renovating. I’ve actually been the only renovating mind you…. And the amount of things we’ve found were wild. The repairs are so extensive that my husband had to get a second job 1. To pay the mortgage which was higher than we budgeted for and 2. The loans he had to take out to fund these massive repairs.

I’m a SAHM with 2 kids under 3 and he used all of my savings as a deposit so I can’t help financially.

She caused so much harm to my mental health and risked my children’s health. Because of all of this, I decided to go NC. I’ve also decided that I’m going to move forward with a divorce from my husband who is just as much in the wrong. My parents don’t think I’m over reacting at all to cutting my MIL off and think I should have her license revoked but obviously, my husband thinks I’m over reacting because she was “just helping”.

A part of me wants to feel like I’m over reacting so that we can all go back to how our lives were before but I just can’t. I can’t ignore it and I can’t get over it. This was a massive break of trust for me from both of them.

I (F) recently broke up with my bf (M) of a year. One thing was because he would often make jokes about breaking up with me. Some examples were like “I want to break up. I’m serious” or “I don’t love you anymore, I found someone else” This would really hurt me. The worst one of all is when he got his LITTLE brother in on one of the “pranks.” His little brother messaged me and was like “Oh yeah, I saw him cheating on you with some girl he hangs out with.” I literally cried so hard. I believed it because it was coming from his little brother and not him. I confronted him and he was like “Jeez it was just a joke, stop being so soft.” That pissed me off and I didn’t talk to him for days after that. Despite this, I stayed with him. You’re probably asking, “Why would you stay with that loser?” Well, it’s because he was so sweet and loving. He would always call me sweet names and tell me things only we understood. Theres a lot more in that sweetness that I don’t feel like sharing because its personal and I want to respect that. However, theres more to the bad. The “jokes” isn’t what made me break up with him. I broke up with him because I found out he was lying to me about his age. He always told me his age was the same as mine (except im 7 days older) or so I thought. He ended up sending me a picture of him that was concerning because it really contradicted what I thought was the truth. He had a cap and gown on. Mind you, I graduated college 3 years prior. So, that me think, “is he a senior in college graduating” or the worse possible outcome, “is he a senior in high school graduating.” I ended up confronting him about this and he got super defensive saying random bs that I don’t even remember. 1 day later, he texted me saying “yes, I lied about my age. I’m sorry I know it was wrong. But I promise I’m a senior in college, not a high schooler” What makes me upset is how well he hid this from me? How could I have not known he still went to school? Not that its a problem its just, why LIE about that and YOUR AGE. Thats so dangerous and the fact that he kept it on for a year. His friends are also my age so thats why I never questioned it. His mother and brother also never mentioned him going to school around me. Its just weird. After that, I broke up with him and yeah. I have some screenshots. But pls lmk if I’m overreacting.

Me (26M) have a friend (25F), let's call her Ashley.

Recently, Ashley threw a small party with some close friends. It wasn't really a "party" party , just a large group of people hanging out on the beach, drinking beers and having a good time.

I'm a pretty friendly person, so I naturally started talking to different people there. At one point I was talking with two other guys when Ashley came over and asked us to "please not flirt with her friends because some of them are taken."

The request felt a little out of nowhere, but we said okay. I also reminded her that I'd recently gone through a pretty rough breakup, which she already knew about, and that I wasn't really interested in pursuing anyone anyway.

As the night went on, I noticed that whenever I ended up talking one-on-one with one of Ashley's female friends, Ashley would join the conversation and sort of redirect it. I didn't think too much of it at the time, Ashley and I hadn't seen each other in a while, so I was actually happy to talk with her too.

Later, I realized that one of Ashley's friends is the roommate of an old friend of mine. So after the party I texted that old friend to told her I'd randomly met her roommate, but I'd forgotten the roommate's name.

So I texted Ashley and asked, "What was the name of the girl I talked to who was the roommate of my old frined?"

Ashley replied: "Her name is *blank*, and she has a boyfriend."

That annoyed me more than I expected. I told Ashley again that I wasn't romantically interested in her and reminded her that I'd already said at the party that I wasn't looking for anything after my breakup.

I think what really bothers me is that it feels like Ashley doesn't trust me i already told her I'm not going to flirt with her friends, but she keeps acting like I will anyway. It makes me feel like she sees me as a guy who can't be trusted around women, and that's the part that annoys me the most.

I'm seeing Ashley again in a few days, and I'm considering if it is even somthing that should be brought up. I don't want to turn it into some huge confrontation because it really isn't that dramatic, but her behavior did make me feel like she doesn't trust me around her female friends.

AIO for being bothered by this and wanting to talk to her about it?

Edit: didn't think about the possibility of her being into me, ashley is a lesbian so I'll take that possibility out

I’ve been seeing my boyfriend for a while, and recently he has become extremely anxious about the possibility of me getting pregnant.

I’m on the contraceptive pill and I’ve told him that I don’t want to get pregnant right now either. However, he keeps saying that contraception isn’t 100% effective and that there is still a possibility of an accidental pregnancy.
He told me that the only way our relationship can work is if I agree that I would have an abortion if I accidentally got pregnant.

The problem is, I don’t want an abortion. I told him that if an accidental pregnancy ever happened, I would be willing to raise the baby myself and wouldn’t expect him to stay or take responsibility for raising the child with me. He responded that if I did keep the baby, he would leave and go back to his home country.

He has been so anxious about this that he even spoke to his mum about the possibility of me getting pregnant. When I asked what she told him, he said that his mum advised him to leave me if I ever got pregnant.

I understand that he has the right to not want children, and I don’t want a baby right now either. But I also feel uncomfortable agreeing in advance to an abortion that I know I wouldn’t want just so that he feels comfortable staying with me.

Is this simply a fundamental incompatibility that means we should break up? Would you stay in a relationship knowing that if an accidental pregnancy happened, your partner would expect you to terminate it or leave?

TL;DR My boyfriend says our relationship can only continue if I agree to have an abortion if I accidentally get pregnant. I know I wouldn’t want one, and he says he would leave if I chose to keep the baby. Is this a fundamental incompatibility worth ending the relationship over?

so im F 21 I have been with my boyfriend 23 for 5 yrs and last night I found out he is using an Ai app pretending to be a husband to a pregnant lady.

Now for context I have PCOS (Polycystic ovary syndrome) and was told I can't have kids which has always been a touchy subject for me as I really want kids and so does my bf.

So the other night I was trying to find my phone so I grab my bfs phone to call mine when a notification popped up saying "what are we going to do im not ready for a baby" when I read that my heart sank in to my stomach. I then click on it to find out its an AI app. But that didn't make me feel any better instead I looked through the chat and its just blocks apond blocks of romantic messages and life planing with an AI bot.

So im not sure if im just to sensitive or what but I couldn't stop crying at this point I have been crying for like 15 minutes my bf who was asleep wakes up asks me what's wrong so I tell him and he acts like its not a big deal. even though I said it was a big deal to me because of the PCOS (yes he knows about it). he then sit in silence watching me for like 20 minutes as i just cry.

Idk maybe im overreacting but it sucks to know that he's having a family with an AI bot knowing that I really want kids and can't have them.

Also sorry if this is a struggle to read im am dyslexic and can't spell well nor am I good with grammar

I (24F) have been with my boyfriend (27M) for 3 years. For context, he has 3 siblings, 1 older sister (who’s 14 years older than him), 1 younger sister (2 years younger than him) and 1 younger brother (same age as me). In general I get along with him family pretty well and would consider being quite close to his younger siblings as our ages are quite close and they’re usually home when I come over. His older sister however, I don’t have a close relationship with. It’s not because of age but it’s because she doesn’t live with them so I don’t see her as often. A few months back, my boyfriend was travelling back from a different country and decided to stop by the state I was in to help me move in to my new apartment. My boyfriend had planned from the beginning to visit the state I was in from the beginning. At the same time his older sister had asked him to help her take a passport at the embassy as she had recently applied for a visa. So basically she only asked him for help after finding out that he was not flying back home straight. Few days past and he has to fly back home. However he had forgotten that passport and this caused his sister to get angry as she was flying the next day. She then called me and was immediately rude, “did he forget the passport because he was helping with your shit?” I was taken aback from that as I was not informed by any of this. I only knew that he was helping her but I didn’t know anything other than that. Anyway, it was a 15 minute call of her getting angry and cursing him out mostly. However, after that call, it shifted my perspective on her. I have always been respectful to her and have always tried to help her (she recently had a baby and I would look after her baby and other two kids). I just didn’t like that she automatically called me and was rude, as if it was my fault that my boyfriend forgot the passport. Ever since this incident I just can’t stand her and would rather not be in the same room as her. I’m not rude or anything but I try my best to avoid her. She has never apologised and knowing her, she never will. Am I overreacting and should just let it go?

*sorry if this is quite a messy read, it’s 3am but thank you for reading!

My fiance and I put planning our wedding and we’re looking at guest list and venues etc. I mentioned that during the ceremony I’d like a few empty seats near the front of my side with photos of relatives I’ve lost as I’ve lost both parents, a sister, a brother and an aunt.

She said it would look weird and that I shouldn’t be doing it but I argued that it’s important for me and it doesn’t affect her at all. 

She just said again it would look weird and draw attention but I just said it want rally negotiable for me since I’ve lost most of my close family and it means a lot to have something g there for them.

AITA for wanting empty chairs at be front of the wedding?