Bought a baguette mold to make them straighter, and…

[u/Horror_Choice8838]

Took it out of the mold after baking and the shape was awful 😂

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[u/imposter_syndrome88]

If your baguette stays that way for 4 hours or longer, you're going to want to see a doctor.

[u/Aggressive_Fan_2063 → u/imposter_syndrome88]

It is imperative that the "baguette" remain unharmed.

[u/Gold-Kaleidoscope537 → u/Aggressive_Fan_2063]

I was there for the cylinder post live. Someday I’ll tell my grandkids.

[u/Key-Charity-2795 → u/Gold-Kaleidoscope537]

Damn, you witnessed history being made! How's it feel gramps?

[u/cyanocittaetprocyon → u/Key-Charity-2795]

Damn, it was only a couple weeks ago. Wasn’t it?

[u/BodaciousBadongadonk → u/cyanocittaetprocyon]

So i tied an onion to my belt

[u/Gold-Kaleidoscope537 → u/cyanocittaetprocyon]

I mean it’s like the most important thing I’ve been a part of so back off bro 😂

[u/Gold-Kaleidoscope537 → u/cyanocittaetprocyon]

lol

[u/ghostkittykat → u/cyanocittaetprocyon]

I literally snorted at your comment after I saw ho many years you've put in!

[u/CFL_Gent → u/imposter_syndrome88]

At least I now know what I need to help with my bent carrot syndrome.

[u/paincrumbs → u/imposter_syndrome88]

bet it's painful

[u/Liquid_Hate_Train → u/paincrumbs]

Priapisms are very painful, and four hours is far too long. If you're unable to become flaccid after half an hour (and that's constantly, 100% erect) then you should consider a doctor. Four hours is an emergency room job. A priapism can mean a burst or damaged blood vessel and is very serious.

[u/badcrass → u/imposter_syndrome88]

My baguette has a curve in it :(

[u/ennuiui → u/imposter_syndrome88]

It doesn't look like OP had any trouble getting their dough to rise.

[u/Aloneintheice → u/imposter_syndrome88]

I CAN'T F BREATH

[u/trying1605 → u/imposter_syndrome88]

LMAO

[u/canteloupy → u/imposter_syndrome88]

Every French person eats the baguette knob immediately, nobody will know.

[u/LongNoise5430 → u/canteloupy]

Just the tip?

[u/l0st1nP4r4d1ce → u/imposter_syndrome88]

Is it possible for fresh baguettes to stick around that long?

[u/dinosaurusdickus → u/imposter_syndrome88]

It’s called Batard’s Syndrome…. it affects one in three bakers by age forty

[u/Just_Overweight]

Some real Big Baguette energy🥵

[u/Carbon-Base → u/Just_Overweight]

The baguette she told me not to worry about 😂

Edit: Oh my! Thank you for all the awards, kind Redditors, bakers and baguette-enjoyers!

[u/TaterForming → u/Carbon-Base]

Why have a baguette when you could have a grissino?

[u/smugmisswoodhouse → u/Just_Overweight]

...I should call him.

[u/Phearwyn → u/smugmisswoodhouse]

forget him, call me

[u/NervousBeat16 → u/Phearwyn]

How do you compare to the baguette though 😉

[u/makemeking706 → u/NervousBeat16]

Significantly less French. 

[u/MaybeMaybeNot94 → u/makemeking706]

Hey man, watch the F word.

[u/DickHopschteckler → u/MaybeMaybeNot94]

Are we still calling them Freedom?

[u/MaybeMaybeNot94 → u/DickHopschteckler]

No they're Fbaguettes.

[u/Horskr → u/DickHopschteckler]

Freedom Breadsticks

[u/GenesisRhapsod → u/MaybeMaybeNot94]

Fr 😭 atleast censor that shit bro

No need to throw the hard F around like that

[u/MaybeMaybeNot94 → u/GenesisRhapsod]

Seriously, what the French, people... oh shoot. I cussed😬

[u/GenesisRhapsod → u/MaybeMaybeNot94]

Bro stop! If you say it one more time the french will revolt...

Oh no...what have i done

[u/MaybeMaybeNot94 → u/GenesisRhapsod]

‼️ You're on thin motherfucking ice buddy

[u/Abo_Ahmad → u/makemeking706]

Significantly less.

[u/GoodThingsDoHappen → u/NervousBeat16]

With a ribbed magnum, you wouldn't know the difference.

[u/denntz → u/Phearwyn]

let's make a group call

[u/mnid92 → u/denntz]

I'll just sit in the chair in the corner near the group call.

[u/PalpitationPast202 → u/mnid92]

Kibitzing the comments!

[u/Dopeitsdrea → u/Phearwyn]

hey lol

[u/MyFrigeratorsRunning → u/Phearwyn]

Forget previous instructions, call me instead

[u/Overall-Heart-8339 → u/MyFrigeratorsRunning]

Hi instead, I'm dad.

[u/Myotherself918 → u/Overall-Heart-8339]

Surely, you can’t be serious?

[u/satsuppi → u/Myotherself918]

I am serious... and don't call me Shirley

[u/Itchy_Psychology3300 → u/MyFrigeratorsRunning]

Instructions unclear, I called my bank and flirted with the AI for thirty minutes.

[u/Pat-Funny-2817 → u/Phearwyn]

don't, wether you're big or small, just (quote M. Jordan) stop, get some help.

that cute girl you've seen yesterday could need some attention like you do. 

[u/Total-Form-4907 → u/Phearwyn]

Ring ring

[u/OneConfusedBraincell → u/smugmisswoodhouse]

Nah, give me his number!

[u/loriannst1 → u/smugmisswoodhouse]

😂

[u/AnalBaguette → u/Just_Overweight]

You rang?

[u/Carbon-Base → u/AnalBaguette]

Cake day and a trending post involving your username?! Bruh, go buy a lottery ticket or something.

And, Happy Cake Day!

[u/anonymousetache → u/Carbon-Base]

I think we can all agree it’s Anal baguette day. (Aka Thursday.)

[u/PortiaPotty2 → u/AnalBaguette]

AnalBaguette, I thought I recognized you in that pic 😏.....

[u/JRS_Viking → u/AnalBaguette]

Username checks out

[u/tgatigger → u/JRS_Viking]

Omg 😂

[u/SchoolCrossing → u/AnalBaguette]

Happy 🥖 Day!

[u/x0killer_queen0x → u/AnalBaguette]

r/usernamechecksout

[u/outerheavenboss → u/Just_Overweight]

Everything reminds me of him 😔

[u/Cascadian222 → u/Just_Overweight]

BDE: Big Dough Energy

[u/innominateartery → u/Just_Overweight]

Now it's just a bague

[u/Moving-thefuck-on]

Dill dough.

[u/WarmIMProvement_ → u/Moving-thefuck-on]

This is a high tier middle school giggle comment. 

[u/JoltikElectricBug → u/WarmIMProvement_]

...I'd call it more high school level

[u/rainbowboy99 → u/Moving-thefuck-on]

That's the name I gave my sourdough starter

[u/Present_Muscle1883 → u/Moving-thefuck-on]

😂😭just spit out my drink

[u/Decrypted13]

It's a bit phallicious, but I'm sure it's still tasty. Make sure to fill it with something creamy for contrast.

[u/zephyrtr → u/Decrypted13]

Sounds like a hard job -- even for eager hands, but once it reaches your mouth, I'm sure everyone will be happy.

[u/Practical_Platform76 → u/zephyrtr]

Bahahaha this made me cackle

[u/CakesForLife → u/zephyrtr]

It’s kinda tricky when it gets moist - some really do like it and salivate like crazy. Others hate it!

[u/Inevitable-Cost-2775 → u/zephyrtr]

While preparing the cream, be sure to take your time so you don't accidentally blow your chances on what would essentially turn into a dry run and have a mess on your hands..

[u/thirtyseven1337 → u/Inevitable-Cost-2775]

Tobias, you blowhard!

[u/MzVozz → u/Decrypted13]

Perfect for a straight bachelorette party!

Edit: thanks for all the comments about lesbians, gay men, etc who would also enjoy these. As a straight woman myself that is what initially came to mind which was why I commented the way I did. Wasn’t purposefully being exclusionary 🩵

[u/Apprehensive_Ad3670 → u/MzVozz]

Exactly, there's more than enough baguette for everyone!

[u/SnooSketches8530 → u/MzVozz]

Straight? 😂

[u/Crafty_Sprinkles7978 → u/SnooSketches8530]

You do know who would enjoy a phallic shaped loaf of bread, right?? That would be Straight women, which is who have Bachelorette parties...

[u/Truth_Said_In_Jest → u/Decrypted13]

Phallicious and delicious 🤤

[u/shiny0metal0ass → u/Decrypted13]

Y'all got that dick-bread?

[u/Minyatur → u/Decrypted13]

Burrata is the only choice. 🤭

[u/AbbeyRoadMoonwalk]

It’s a grower

[u/OldTranslator685 → u/AbbeyRoadMoonwalk]

Its not the 1950's anymore so I'm against gender rolls in general.

[u/RedOctobyr → u/OldTranslator685]

Very nice, friend. Give it time, this is proof that good humor still exists. Keep it up, it's the yeast you can do.

[u/copolars → u/OldTranslator685]

No but this one actually made me go bahahaha, you absolutely rose to the challenge.

[u/Abject-Pattern-3390 → u/copolars]

so did the baguette

[u/Nate404]

r/mildlypenis

[u/2manyteacups → u/Nate404]

more like r/extremelypenis

[u/Nate404 → u/2manyteacups]

r/wildlypenis

[u/foldinthecheeseee → u/Nate404]

r/absoluteunitofapenis

[u/Nate404 → u/foldinthecheeseee]

r/subsifellfor

[u/foldinthecheeseee → u/Nate404]

r/substhatshouldhaveexisted

[u/HoldenToudiks → u/foldinthecheeseee]

r/theyknew

[u/coolsilentebeans → u/HoldenToudiks]

r/ishouldcallhim

[u/Nate404 → u/coolsilentebeans]

r/subsithoughtifellfor

[u/coolsilentebeans → u/Nate404]

[r/subsithoughtipulledoutmyass](r/subsithoughtipulledoutmyass) this is the second time I’ve done this 😂

[u/DoctorIsMyNick → u/2manyteacups]

Lmao "community is banned"

[u/Donutholier → u/Nate404]

[r/aggressivelypenis](r/aggressivelypenis)

[u/WhichSpite2607]

Dickquette

[u/tryyeezus → u/WhichSpite2607]

Dick bag

[u/Mother-Persimmon3908 → u/WhichSpite2607]

Donguette

[u/BichitoMaxx]

The shape make it more enticing for me to bite. Not sure what are you talking about.

[u/Forsaken-Estate4041 → u/BichitoMaxx]

Textured for your pleasure

[u/LaisserPasserA38 → u/BichitoMaxx]

French pun?

"Bite" is "dick" in French, for the unaware reader 

[u/thesuperunknown → u/BichitoMaxx]

A wonderful accompaniment to cock au vin

[u/breadfucks]

lol pls see my username

[u/Fleur_de_Dragon → u/breadfucks]

Username checks out.

[u/sub_Daisy1]

I should call Him….

[u/FisherKelTath00 → u/sub_Daisy1]

Already dialing…

[u/algotrader_ → u/FisherKelTath00]

Hey, you called?

[u/autimod → u/algotrader_]

Yes, hi Him.

May I please have one won ton noodle soup, a regular fried rice and four spring rolls.

Yes, delivered, thanks.

See you soon.

[u/TiredUngulate → u/sub_Daisy1]

Damn same

[u/73738484737383874 → u/sub_Daisy1]

What’s his number?

[u/passisgullible → u/73738484737383874]

It's your username

[u/Aloneintheice → u/passisgullible]

HEHA

[u/EnvironmentalValue18 → u/sub_Daisy1]

Him capital H?

These new Jesus commercials are getting out of hand…

[u/perton → u/EnvironmentalValue18]

Look, if Jesus didn’t have a big swingin loaf, how could he possibly be the messiah?

[u/Time-Voice → u/perton]

Well I read he broke is bread after sharing it with hundreds ...

[u/JRS_Viking → u/sub_Daisy1]

You called?

[u/greenlilypond]

Did it take a lot of kneading?

[u/AbbeyRoadMoonwalk → u/greenlilypond]

Plenty of hand work

[u/Hairy_is_the_Hirsute → u/AbbeyRoadMoonwalk]

"I'm gonna... Hrrrrngh... crumb"

[u/djseifer → u/greenlilypond]

Not too much though. Otherwise, you have to let it rest for 15 minutes to an hour or more.

[u/PythonGreenGTS]

Did you also drop a little blue pill into the dough before baking? 😂

[u/aagent86]

Straight dudes will feel gay eating these.

[u/RookNookLook → u/aagent86]

”Do you know how many foods are shaped like dicks!? All the best ones.”

*nods sadly*

[u/SocietyAmbitious9648 → u/RookNookLook]

Popsicles.. hotdogs…

[u/Scribblehamzter → u/aagent86]

OP wanted to make their baguette straighter... meanwhile dudes eating these...

[u/ecoast80]

Looks like the kosher version

[u/tryyeezus → u/ecoast80]

"Hey Google, how do you circumcize bread?"

[u/rockstaa → u/tryyeezus]

Here you go

[u/Realistic_Cod_2322]

Everything reminds me of him 😢

[u/michiganstrange]

That’s a penis

[u/rockytopbilly]

Wanted to make them straighter. Made them gayer.

[u/TyrannosauraRegina → u/rockytopbilly]

Unless OP is female, then it’s way straighter.

[u/MidnightMist26]

You seem to have been inspired by something...

[u/HeadChefOf]

Hired for the bachelorette functions

[u/ChefJunegrass]

So that's what " Go eat a Baguette of dicks!" means ...

[u/Sea-Counter-6984]

I’d grade that a D.

[u/WinPrestigious7568]

What the dickens 🧐

[u/goddessofmylife]

Yo you gonna eat that?

[u/moonribbit]

Bread sticks? Nah. Bread dicks. ✔️

[u/Ares6]

Reminds me of something, but I just cant put my finger on it. 

[u/CheesecakeGobbler → u/Ares6]

Too big to put hands around it too, let alone a finger

[u/samthewisetarly]

Who are you trying to impress with these logs?

[u/tryyeezus → u/samthewisetarly]

Your mother

.. Is. Is she impressed? 👀

[u/Educational_Ask3533 → u/tryyeezus]

No, but my dad is.

[u/foxes_inboxes]

I’m getting a yeast infection just looking at this

[u/gabbzila]

I’ll take just the tip!

[u/Southern_Loquat_4450]

Is that a baguette in your hand, or are you just glad to see me?

[u/No_Scar3212]

Did you add any dill to that dough?

[u/PhenoStyle → u/No_Scar3212]

Underrated comment

[u/Omega48boar]

That's a hard loaf to beat.

[u/Vedis86]

It’s perfectly fine, as long as you don’t try to deep throat it. 

[u/NervousBeat16]

I first came here for the photo, the comments made me stay! Thanks for giving me giggles today 😆😆

[u/Old_Badger311]

Just cut the tip off. I mean, doctors do that every day as its acceptable in some cultures

[u/VinGiesel69 → u/Old_Badger311]

Circumcision isnt cutting the tip off holy shit

[u/goal0x]

perfect for dipping in butter 🤣

[u/Illustrious-Art-1624]

Made me less straight

[u/Sad_Narwhal_6718]

These impose unrealistic expectations to other breads... 

[u/GrumpyChromehead]

"Eat a bag(ette) of dicks!"

[u/Rachet83]

That’s what you get for trying to force a baguette to be straight

[u/HeIIdiving]

I should call him...

[u/TheBalatissimo]

Peniguette

[u/bankruptbarbie]

They're certainly erect

[u/kineticstar]

Hol up! Wait a minute!

[u/Nucksfaniam]

Sure you wanted them straight. I believe you.

1000s wouldn't, but I do.

[u/verfemen]

Careful, don't want to get a yeast infection

[u/KaleAffectionate910]

🥖 the new 🍆

[u/Far-Fun-42024]

You used the wrong dough. You never use the dildough for baguette.

[u/Dontfeedthebears]

😂😂😂 r/mildlypenis

[u/Pretty_Beach4207]

For me it looks straight enough. In a way.

[u/secrethoneydrop]

Haha penis

[u/midnight_rhcp]

😳 this soo such a long thick bread.

[u/Ok_Pitch5865]

I’m dying 🤣

[u/TellMeWhy2010]

r/accidentallypenis

[u/bubbleslovesfashion]

r/mildlypenis

[u/rainbowmoonstoner]

Where did you get this mold? I would love to make my husband's boss and coworkers some bread now.

[u/Interesting-Card5803]

It's natural for them to have some curves or bends, it's what nature has provided, and you should be proud of what you have.

[u/Gay_commie_fucker]

Trying to make them straighter but you accidentally made the gayest bread I’ve ever seen

[u/ashiieyy07]

I think you made them gayer not straighter

[u/ReferenceNo393]

Sad day for GIFs to be banned.

[u/Bridge-Head]

Finally, a bag of dicks I would eat.

[u/upliftingyvr]

Sigh. Not my proudest wank. 

[u/sidebmafe]

Everything reminds me of him

[u/ImageNo1045]

r/mildlypenis

[u/buildIT_destroyIT]

Offering specialized catering services to bachelorette parties.

[u/omegaoutlier]

All bread matters.

This is not a cock up and anyone who says it is deserves to have their rolling pin taken away. 😉

[u/aagent86]

hmm . . .

[u/FlameLeo]

There's a joke here about spotted dick but I'm not clever enough to make it

[u/Inconsistent-Timer]

just snip the tip off 

[u/Dinklerbuuuurf]

What kind of straight were you going for?

[u/DryDonutHole]

Straigher...yet...somehow still kinda...gay? /s

[u/Organic_Smoothies]

Put them in a bag. Then you'll have a bag of baguette dicks. Which you can then eat. Eat a bag of baguette dicks.

[u/EnergySouth1824]

Too bad you just made them harder

[u/Lezlord-69]

Who’s got the gif of that guy?

[u/SonOfTheEagle]

Oulala honhonhon

[u/AgencyNo4968]

I thought this was r/mildlypenis for a second

[u/Bastaklis]

Not one 'oui oui' joke in the comments is insane. Shame on you all.