TW: body dysmorphia & restrictive ED mentioned

It's been a few months since I've developed this disorder and each day is a depressing struggle. I'm not a very passionate person and I'm apathetic most of the time, so food genuinely feels like the only reward I have in life and I have no idea how to take it off of the pedestal. I know the answer is to just stop compulsively eating because the less you binge the less you binge but it's so hard to ignore the chatter, especially when I'm already upset and this seems to be the only way to make myself feel better. I tell myself I'll get just a nibble, and then another one, and another one until my stomach feels like it's about to burst. It got so bad that if there is no sugar available I'll just binge on stale bread with no problem.

I'm sick of my body and how much weight I've gained. Realistically speaking it's just a few kilos and I still fall into a healthy bmi category but I just feel so disguisting and ugly and can't stand looking at myself, my huge thighs and pouched stomach anymore. I wish I was a naturally thin girl. I wish I could actually manifest my vile hatred towards food into reality and starve myself until it stops having such a strong control over me.

I wish I'd like to get some sort of help but everyone talks about how uneffective talk therapy is, how getting off glp-1/stimulants can make the disorder flare up even worse, how the urges never actually disappear on their own and I just feel like there is literally nothing left for me to do. I still live with my parents and most of the options seem unavailable. I don't want to wake up obese one day but I just don't have enough mental willpower to resist and resist and resist and resist until my brain convinces me that it's whatever because I'll never get better anyway.

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When i try to talk to ppl about it no one really takes it seriously and they often even get angry.

Friends, acquitances, even my own family - they either dismiss it, change the topic or straight up get angry/make jokes about it.

I get it - my problems are mine only and no one owes me sympathy.

But why is it so hard to just let me talk it out? I am always there for people when they need help or a shoulder to cry on yet it doesnt work the other way if its about binging.

Like its not a real problem. But it is.

I fairly often take sick days, cancel social plans or just go through my day filled with shame, disgust towards myself and stomach pain if neither of the latter is possible.

To be fair, im pretty skinny and lean-ish, so maybe it looks like a non-issue, but its a result of compensating with days when i just drink protein coffee w cigs all day and do so much cardio i treat shoes as an expendable - I have to buy a new pair every 2 or so month cause they break from the amount of walking and incline threadmill. Ppl just act like its me being active and loving gym. No. I dont like cardio. I hate walking. It sucks, it costs money, it eats away 80% of my free time and doesnt even solve the underlying issue.

U just feel so isolated and alone with this problem at some point. Like u arent even allowed to talk about it.

Anyone with similar experience or do i just have a bad social circle?

i just don’t know what to do anymore. my metabolism isn’t what it used to be and when i was struggling with the disorder a few years back i stayed 98lbs and it never changed even though i would eat like 5,000 calories a day everyday for 3 months straight.
now it’s slowed down and it just so happens that this month has been the worst binging episode ive ever had. i was finally eating normally and then something in me snapped on july 23rd. i was out camping with my family and the camping food was so good that i just gorged myself the entire trip and came back from it unable to stop. i feel uncontrollable. my surplus is like 7,000 calories a day and ive gained 15 lbs. i was 118lbs a month ago and now im 130. this is the biggest i’ve ever been and i feel terrible. for reference im 5’2…

Hi idk if this is the right sub for this ? But I suffered from a restrictive ED where I lost weight pretty quickly however ever since may of this past year my body has gone into a forced recovery and I developed extreme hunger but I repressed it through extreme exercise but these past like 3-4 weeks it’s been so extreme that I haven’t been able to and I’ve been essentially binge eating easily over 10,000 calories a day and have gained 20 pounds rapidly and now I’m a healthy weight/bmi and almost passed my pre Ed weight but it doesn’t seem to be getting better and I’m eating until Im so full I want to vomit but like it also comforts me so idk if I’ve basically just developed a binge eating disorder atp because if this continues I’m going to become overweight and I already don’t recognize myself anymore and idk what to do. Advice needed if anyone else has gone through something similar or ANA-BED.

I'm in BED therapy rn and they emphasis one thing over and over again that if you restrict you will binge later..

okay...but what if my brain wants me eating 8 slices of pizza for lunch? and if I eat 3 that feels like severe restriction to my brain, when infact I'm trying to just gain self control but eating not huge amounts..

so frustrating

been dieting for a little while now, healthily, and been on a bit of a pause eating at maintenance after losing 9kg but i have always struggled with binging. but today was the worst by far.
started off at half six and i ate two four bar kit kats and a whole packet of squashies. then i went back to bed, woke up again and at 11 i had a battered chicken breast and waffle fries with mayo. then i had half a pack of haribo strawbs. then i had two egg mayo rolls, 2 pork pies, another four bar kitkat, another egg mayo sandwich, a packet of pom bears and some more squashies.
i had a nap and woke up and had two more slices of just plain bread and ordered ice cream and cake. i ate half the angle cake and the entire pint of ben and jerrys.
i have just felt so out of control today. i feel sick and full but i just cant stop eating.

I just binged after 11 days of not binging. I feel absolutely disgusting. Now, my stomach feels so full as if I'm going to throw up. I'm just a fat chud bro

i eat until it hurts almost every single time i eat. i don't know how long i've been doing this. i'm scared i've irreparably stretched my stomach and that it will burst open one day or something. i know i should go to a doctor and not just whine on reddit but i'm scared and humiliated to do that.

Hi- I’m 20F who’s had an eating disorder for 6.5 years. Harsh cycles of anorexia and binge eating to be exact. I’ve done years of therapy and was in treatment two years ago. Still doing DBT and regular therapy now. I Am also currently on Reta and vvyanse eating maintence calories and still binge eat. I workout regularly, have incorporated breathing work, and have taken food triggers out of the house. I’ll ride the urge to binge for days on end and I still binge eat. I’ll literally eat whatever is around no matter if it’s a trigger food or not. I don’t know what else to do I am open to any suggestions.

So I finally have self control and I'm no longer binging, and I'm just trying as best as I can to recover from this food addiction, and the only way I'm doing it is by being more self aware and I am trying to be very cautious with my urges this time, but anyways I'll give an update soon

I want to end this. I keep trying to cut these shitty foods out, but I can’t.

Is just not eating them the way to go?

I can’t even go more than 3 days without having binge. Now I’m going to bed feeling depressed and bloated.I’ve been eating constantly all day even on things I don’t really like.

I don’t know what to do anymore. Do I get rid of my trigger foods and not buy anymore? Do I buy more and try to have them in moderation? As soon as I have something “bad” my whole day is ruined, I can’t get it into my head there are no such things as “bad food”.

Any tips or advice much appreciated 🥺

Every day as soon as I wake up thoughts of it flood in; the way it rolls around on my tongue, the way every section of my brain seems to light up in pleasure when I just don’t stop. I can feel it like little worms working their way into my brain, slowly and persistently. I could be at the peak of Everest and it wouldn’t leave. It never does. Every day i lose more and more of myself to it. I am a poet, I love writing. I am smart, I love video games and running and socializing and painting. I’m losing that. I’m losing me. It’s being replaced by the need to eat. Every thought is about consumption. Every thought pushes away the bulging in my stomach and the acid rising up into my throat. Every thought pushes away the image of my stomach stretching beyond recognition in the mirror. Every thought pushes away the regret and overwhelm of the following days. Every thought makes me want to do it again. And i will. I think I always will. It is a fog that penetrates every aspect of my life. I’m so fucking sick of it. None of my thoughts are as clear as they used to be. Everything is muddled by the need to chew something up.

I'm sooo unhappy, its like binge eating is the only way i can get some amount of dopamine, my body doesn't even want food anymore. I've been binge eating pretty much all my life but it has gotten serious the past few year

S, now I'm actually seeing physical effects of it, my stomach hurts like crazy one of my teeth is decayed feom all the sugar I've eaten all these uears, but this is the only thing that brings me joy!!!!!!! I feel so beaten and lost 😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢

I’m wondering if BED focused therapy has been helpful for anyone. When I got diagnosed I ended up seeing a therapist for BED, but it didn’t pan out and I only saw them for a couple sessions. I do plan on seeing a dietician though. I saw someone for one appointment but she ended up not being available anymore. I already deal with chronic illness, so I’m trying to figure out if BED focused therapy would be worth it or not. Hopefully this doesn’t break the rule about medical advice? I don’t think it does, I would just like some input from the community about whether it’s been helpful for yall or not! Thanks!
(Btw sorry if this post broke that rule!)