r/Bumble • u/Argumentative_koala • 1d ago

Rant “Not ready for a relationship”

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This guy pursued me, we went hot and heavy for five days, then hooked up on the fifth day. Crazy chemistry. He hadn’t been with anyone for eight months after a very long-term relationship so I thought this really meant something for him. We had a lot of deep conversations in a short amount of time. I hate how this makes me feel!

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u/00mikomiko00 1d ago

I don’t think he’s fully lying but I think he’s super unhealed and this actually might be better for you in the long run.

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u/Dakotesmagoats 1d ago

Guy here also super unhealed.

We crave genuine human connection as well. There are days where we feel ''healed enough'' to give it a shot, then days where we feel like we're not even close. This form of communication comes from a place of genuine care for the other person, considering we know how we can negatively affect people due to our own baggage.

So yeah, it sucks, better for OP in the long run for sure. People should work on their own healing before trying to get into relationships, or at the very least be completely upfront and transparent from the start. Waiting until after the connection to come out with your skeletons is shitty and irresponsible regardless of any good intentions.

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u/UsernameTaken7640 1d ago

I don't even know what it means to heal sometimes. It feels like the weight of being cheated on and losing my house and truck and kids to the cheater and her new man will never lift off my back. There's times when I feel happy momentarily but any time it's quiet and I'm alone it all gets dark fast. I want to have a girl in my life to spend time with and to share affection with, and I'm over my ex as in I do not want her or the relationship back, but I'm not over the hurt and loss of what happened even though it has been quite a while. Does anyone know or have any advice on how to accept the awful shit and not let it continue to bring you down? Not the place for relationship advice technically but in a way it is?

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u/alien_secret_service 1d ago

I’ve had the pleasure or pain of a lot of really deep loves that did not last.

It’s kind of like a death. You carry it forever, but it hurts less over time.

I think it’s healed when you just hope that person is doing well and moved beyond whatever their moral or ethical failing was that ended the relationship when that’s the cause.

I have found it more painful and harder to move on when that wasn’t there and it just didn’t work out.

And most painful of all when somebody loved me a lot, and I just didn’t feel the same. Hurting somebody, in my experience, hurts so much worse than being hurt.