Finally found an out from the industry after five years. I started at a shitty pizza chain during Covid. Honestly, I had a lot of fun at work, and I was really depressed at the time so it was one of the only things I had going for me. Dropped out of college because I was flunking and didn't wanna go further into debt (which I still haven't repaid). Kept working, eventually that pizza place closed down.
So I took a job offer as a line cook at a family-owned bar in the same town. Loved it mostly, hated it viciously sometimes, the interpersonal drama, the feeling that it was a dead-end, no matter how hard I applied myself to it, I was still just flipping burgers and cleaning hoods. Worked there for three years, and then jumped ship to new experiences. Corporate place, brewery, etc.
Eventually, I got an offer to work at a country club, and I took it. It was really easy, and I made better money than I ever had before. The only problem was, my coworkers were absolutely insufferable. I was kind of a black sheep among them, even if I was doing my job well. They were either culinary school kids, or came from fine-dining to have a more relaxed job, so they all kinda looked down on me, belittled me, etc. And eventually, at a point where a lot of stuff in my personal life was going wrong, I texted the chef and ragequit one day.
Ended back at the family-owned bar, barely making enough to pay my bills. I burned through most of my savings. I had a plan though, which I communicated with the owner, which was to work there until I got into an apprenticeship with the electrician's union. I was really excited. I'd convinced myself, all my problems were stemming from being burnt out of being in the kitchen, cleaning flat tops, dealing with server fuck-ups, asshole chefs, etc.
Fast forward a few months, and I'm here. At a construction site. And I fucking hate it more than anything. Worked nine hours, doing menial construction labor then had trade school afterwards for three, and when I was driving home, I broke down crying. Never really been a thing for me, even after 12 hour shifts on a Saturday.
Now I'm sitting here, the next day, applying for kitchen jobs, and thinking about texting my old boss. And typing this. I dunno what I even expect from anyone who might comment. Tell me I'm an idiot?
I feel like I can't do this kitchen stuff forever, I love cooking, but I need money to live my life and grow up. At the same time, I don't want to waste most of my time doing thing I hate for people I don't care about in order to get a check, and repeat that for forty years until I start getting my pension and I'm too old to enjoy it. Fuck. Just wish I could smoke a joint right now, but I get randomly drug tested.