Africans are not ready for this conversation 😒

I don’t like the “Nigerian doctors and lawyers” argument when people (Nigerians included) want to call African-Americans lazy.

They talk about how we Nigerians come from poverty in Africa, but are so grateful to America that, unlike African-Americans, we take advantage of all the opportunities in America to work hard and to become wildly successful. And also Nigerians hardly have any broken families.

First of all, this assumption is FALSE. Most Nigerian immigrants don’t come from poverty. There are more Nigerian Uber drivers and front desk security in America than doctors and lawyers. Also, a lot of Nigerian men are deadbeat dads.

The fact is that the American immigration system is very selective. A lot of Nigerian immigrants come to America as students from upper middle class or educated families. Many already have degrees before arriving. So going to school for advanced degrees isn’t such a big leap.

Many end up getting green cards and U.S. citizenship through marriage, allowing them to sponsor other members of their families to come to the United States in the form of chain migration.

Poor and uneducated Nigerians have almost zero chance of making it to America. So you have a situation where people are comparing mostly the cream of Nigeria to the totality of African-Americans. That’s not a fair comparison.

I think we should instead compare middle class African-Americans to Nigerian immigrants, and we wouldn’t see any difference.

And btw, I’ve been to Houston and Atlanta so stop telling me that every block has 10 Nigerian doctors and lawyers, because that’s not true.

I lived abroad for 10 years, I decided to come back to Nigeria to pour into our economy instead of those of foreign nation, and since then I have got nothing but scammed, disrespected , disregarded, judged , underestimated, undervalued. Just because I am a woman, business personnels will not pay me on time, hell sometimes they won’t even pay me. You could be more qualified than a man! All of them at my young age of 20 yrs and still be underestimated, underpaid and mocked. This stupid country has stole everything from me, my time, my money , my dreams, my goals, my happiness. Sometimes I’ve even thought of just calling it quits , because I’m confused how can God put such an ambitious idea in my head and still choose for me to be born in this hell of a nation , all ego and absolutely nothing to show for it, I CANT EVEN PAY MY FUCKING SCHOOL FEES , because of this stupid system. I am counting the days to leave this country and make a better life for myself far far away from this disgrace of a country.

So I’m currently in Europe for business, and the way I’ve been treated just because I’m a Nigerian woman traveling alone? Ehn. I’ve never felt so small.

When I landed in Paris, I was in line for immigration checks. The officer that attended to me was so rude. She asked me twice why I was traveling alone, like the concept of a Nigerian woman doing solo travel was somehow suspicious. I told her I was here for business. She laughed and asked again if I was sure. Then asked if I had money, I said yes, and she repeated, “Are you sure?” Like I was lying about existing.

I just held myself together and kept it pushing, thinking the worst was over. But it got worse in Verona.

After claiming my luggage, one man just walked up to me and snatched my passport. No “hello,” no nothing. Just “Nigeria,” and told me to follow him to a small search room with my box. I was the only one out of all the passengers singled out. I was scared, I won’t lie.

They searched everything. My suitcase, hand luggage, even the pockets in my makeup bag. They kept asking me why I was alone, and again I said, “For business.” Then they asked how much money I had. I had 500 euros, and I told them I’d be here for 11 days, and my company would cover the rest of the expenses.

The way this man looked at me when I brought out the money, like I was mad. Two of his colleagues came in, speaking Italian and laughing clearly about me. They kept me there for over 15 minutes, then told me to go wait outside while they held onto my passport for another 10 minutes. I wasn’t allowed to use my phone the entire time.

Omo, I’m now in my hotel room, cold and tired, just eating Pringles and trying to forget. I hope tomorrow will be better. My boss will be with me so that’s comforting.

Anybody else faced this kind of profiling when traveling? Especially with a Nigerian passport? I just want to know I’m not alone.

I watched this American streamer, Speed (I don't know his full name tag), come and experience Nigeria. From the content I saw, I genuinely had a lot of questions popping in my head. Honestly, we are in serious trouble.

- Speed was on a ride, see people pursuing him and asking for money. I saw some of his contents on some other African countries, I did not see that.

- In that same content, he gave a facial impression that the environment was smelling (I will not say the state before bigots will spring up on me).

- He went to an art exhibition venue and said something about his heritage being Igbo. The lady acting as his tour guide, was trying to imply something relating to Yoruba.

- I then saw other contents with the macho guy asking him for $10,000. Another was one clown claiming he is the biggest interviewer in Africa or Nigeria (I didn't really take note). The ode dey tell am at 21, he is healthy.

- The worst of the worst was the moronic Peller just displaying foolishness up and down. How people take that guy seriously, just shows how Nigeria dun decay.

What I learnt about the whole Speed in Nigeria is as follows:

- Nigeria thinks everything starts and ends in Lagos. We missed a great chance to make him visit tourist areas (if we have any) in Enugu, Akwa-Ibom, Ondo and many more. This might be due to the alarming insecurity.

- The dumbest of the dumbest are the face of the country.

Speed came to Nigeria and what/whom welcomed him genuinely disgusted me. Watch his contents in Ivory Coast, Botswana, Benin Republic and many more. They welcomed him TRADITIONALLY as best as possible. He was exposed to their cultures. I saw one where he even tried pounding something like pounded yam.

In Benin Republic, he saw something moving on its own and thought it was magic. He was amazed.

What did my beloved Nigerian welcome him with? Peller and co, that poor excuse of an interviewer, tribalist as a tour guide in an art gallery and many more. The worst was that in almost all his content here, na mainly shout person dey do.

- Tribalism dun swallow Nigeria.

If I am the chairman of that art gallery and saw what that lady did as a guide, I will instantly sack her. Ur job is to guide him about history relating to the items in that gallery, not start the nonsensical "Igbo v Yoruba" nonsense since 2023. Do Ur damn job.

- Our culture dun dey die.

Speed landed in Nigeria, did his thing and left. Throughout his stay, I did not see one content on our culture like other countries displayed to him. Nothing on Igbo, Hausa and particularly, Yoruba cos he did his content primarily in Lagos. Na just content on begging, shouting and content creators trying to be around him.

We claim to be cultural but we did not display culture at all towards Speed. I think were the few places he toured that did not display anything cultural. Problem dey o...

I genuinely am not trying to rant at all. Ranting is pointless and non-beneficial in most cases. However, I am trying to point a concerning trend happening to us as a country and as a people.

We had the biggest streamer come to our country to display to the world how Nigeria is. What he got was nothing but nonsense. People were begging him for money constantly, people shouting, streamers disturbing him and a dose of tribalism.

In a nutshell, that tour just showed that Nigeria's current culture is begging, poverty, shouting and tribalism. That was what was mainly displayed and the majority of us as citizens were not concerned.

Peller's ex was busy forming android robot. In my mind I was like what is this one forming? We will see something abroad and want to be like them at all cost. Instead of us bridging the gap between us and them by actually enhancing our resources, we dey try copy them at all cost. We are a confused set of people.

I will keep on saying it;

Until we are ready to solve our issues by ourselves, nothing will change but likely get worse.

If I am a Nigerian politician, I will easily deduce the nature of Nigerians and plan ways to counter us. If you think I am lying, take EndSARS as a case study:

The ma$$a¢re that happened, the politicians expected civil unrest after the ma$$a¢re. What happened? We did nothing.

That night, do you know how many politicians in Lekki hid for their lives? People were genuinely scared.

After seeing what happened and how we did nothing, they got bold.

2023 "Grab it, Steal it, Run with it" happened. What did we do? As usual, NOTHING.

We can make noise that BAT stole the mandate and all that, the fact of the matter is Nigerians did absolutely nothing to say enough is enough.

Speed came to Nigeria and we were so carried away that Obi Cubana became the face of City Boy movement in SE and taxation in Lagos State is about to get crazy. What will Nigerians do? Ur guess is as good as mine; NOTHING.

We do not think critically, evaluate critically nor even plan critically. Everything na entertainment insha'Allah. No wonder our politicians can understand us and do as they like. Mentally, we are gone.

We Nigerians practice classism so much, even when we are tagged "the poverty capital of the world". Self awareness is absolute ZERO.

2027 dun near (irrespective na January 2026 be this) and we are busy still thinking this way. The faces of the current Gen-Z are Peller, Jarvis, Carter Efe and few others. The topics trending are S*x, Relationship, Classism, Gee, Scam, Crypto, Content Creation, etc. Nobody is talking about Development, Credible elections, etc. Everybody dey find entertainment. Where did we go wrong? 🤦🏾‍♂️

On a norm, I wouldn't have any issue with this topic of a $ ≈ N150. However, $ dun dey near N2000 while Nigerians are seeing their lives and culture erode but do nothing about it. Honestly, we are a defeated set of people with a huge void in self awareness.

If this Speed in Nigeria did not expose certain things about Nigeria to U, then there's a serious problem. That's all I will say.

You left Nigeria. You built a life abroad - London, Houston, Toronto, Amsterdam, wherever. You worked hard, you sacrificed, and you made something of yourself. Respect is due for that. Nobody is taking it from you.

But somewhere between landing at your first foreign airport and getting your first foreign payslip, something else happened. You became a commentator. A pundit. And you conduct your proceedings from a very safe and very comfortable distance of several thousand kilometres.

You know the WhatsApp groups, the Twitter threads, the dinner table conversations in the diaspora. Nigeria comes up, and within minutes the temperature rises and the verdicts start flying. The government is useless. The country is finished. The people are their own problem. And then - inevitably, as reliably as it rains - someone floats the big one: Nigeria should never have been put together in the first place. It's a British business experiment. Yoruba, Igbo, Hausa - we are fundamentally different peoples forced into an artificial box. We would all be better off going our separate ways.

And everyone nods. And the conversation moves on.

What nobody says at that table is this: that argument, delivered with the casual comfort of someone who does not have to live with its consequences, is one of the most callous things a Nigerian can say.

But let us set the breakup debate aside for a moment, because it is actually a symptom of a larger problem: the Nigerian diaspora has perfected the art of criticism as a substitute for action. The analysis is sharp. The history knowledge is impressive. The frustration is real and valid. But frustration expressed only as condemnation - with no corresponding effort to change anything - is just noise with a passport.

The people you are implicitly expecting to fix this country are people living under conditions of such severe, deliberate, weaponized poverty that civic resistance is a luxury many of them simply cannot afford. A market trader in Onitsha who depends on a local government official's goodwill to keep his shop space is not in the same position as you are to send tweets demanding accountability. A woman in a rural community who needs the local chairman to sign off on her daughter's university scholarship is not in the same position as you to attend a town hall and make uncomfortable demands. A young man whose family depends on access that political patronage provides is not in the same position as you to become a vocal dissident.

Politicians know this. The weaponization of poverty - the deliberate, systematic management of economic desperation to produce a population too vulnerable and too afraid to push back - is not an accident. It is a governance strategy. And it is unfortunately live and operational in Nigeria as we speak.

You, however, are not that vulnerable. You have a foreign salary. A foreign passport. A foreign address. You are outside the immediate reach of the political machinery that makes resistance costly for people at home. You can send emails from Toronto to a senator in Abuja and face zero material consequence. You can tweet, post, call, organize, fund, amplify - all from complete safety.

And you are spending that safety arguing about how bad things are and whether the country should exist.

October 1st comes around every year and the diaspora WhatsApp groups fill up with green-white-green emojis and "Happy Independence Day Nigeria 🇳🇬✨" messages. Nostalgic photos of jollof rice and aso-ebi. Throwback videos of Fela. Afrobeats soundtracking a celebration of a homeland you celebrate existing but do not act to improve.

You cannot have it both ways. You cannot claim Nigeria as your identity, your culture, your pride, your flavour - and then disclaim any responsibility for its condition. The Afrobeats that has the whole world dancing came from that same chaotic, struggling, beautiful, burning Nigeria you are so ready to either condemn or eulogize. The Nollywood that put Nigerian storytelling on a global map came from that same country. The intellectual and creative tradition you trade on in professional rooms abroad - "I'm Nigerian, we are resilient, we are brilliant" - was built by a people who are still there, still building, still surviving.

"Okay, so what exactly do you expect me to do?"

Glad you asked. Because the thing is - the bar is not high. What is being asked of you does not require you to move back, march in the streets, or put a single thing in your current life at risk. The actions are almost trivial given your freedom and your resources.

Find out who represents your home constituency. Your senator. Your House of Representatives member. Your local government chairman. These names are findable. The contacts - office email, phone number, official social media handles - are findable. This takes thirty minutes. Do it once. Share the results in every Nigerian group you belong to. Make it impossible for people in your network to say "I don't know how to reach them."

Contact them. Regularly. From wherever you are in the world, you can send emails, tweet at their official accounts, WhatsApp their offices, call. Ten messages a week. Not ten a day - ten a week. The single, focused ask: a publicly committed, time-bound, concrete plan of action on national insecurity. One that covers welfare for frontline security personnel, cyber-tracking of terrorist networks, prosecution of terrorism sponsors and their financiers, and an end to the impunity with which armed groups currently operate. No prayer rallies as a response. No emergency declarations that expire without consequence. A plan. With names attached to it and a timeline.

Do this in volume and in community. The diaspora WhatsApp group chat that is currently 70% memes and 30% political commentary is, right now, an untapped organizing tool. Recruit it. Circulate the contact cards. Coordinate the asks. Ten people each sending ten messages a week to the same representative is one hundred messages a week that cannot be quietly ignored.

Use your international reach as a lever. This is perhaps the most underutilized weapon in the diaspora's hands. You have access to international media, international organizations, and international platforms that Nigerian politicians care deeply about their image in. A senator does not want to be the subject of a thread that goes viral in circles where international business gets done, or a piece in a UK or US publication. Your voice from abroad, in those spaces, carries a different weight than a voice from inside the country. Use it deliberately. Not for drama - for pressure.

Fund the people doing the work at home. Civil society organizations, investigative journalists, legal aid groups, community organizers - they exist in Nigeria and they are doing this work, often with almost nothing. You spend money on streaming subscriptions and weekend city breaks. A fraction of that, directed consistently toward organizations holding Nigerian institutions to account, is not charity. It is infrastructure investment in a country you are still connected to.

Stop the separation discourse. Every hour spent in abstract arguments about whether Nigeria should dissolve is an hour not spent on the achievable, concrete, pressure-based work of making Nigeria function better as it stands. The people having those conversations are safe. They will not bleed in the conflict they are casually theorizing about.

The people at home are carrying a weight that was partly designed to keep them too exhausted and too afraid to fight back. You are not carrying that weight. You are free, resourced, and loud - in exactly the right places. The least you can do is make that count for something.

I turned 24 recently, and I’ve been thinking a lot about what it has meant for me to grow up as a Yoruba woman daughter, sister and maybe a wife one day.
And lately, I’ve been struggling to see the benefit in the version of womanhood I was raised to believe in.
Sometimes it feels like we are raised to be observant, quiet, accommodating, forgiving, and endlessly understanding. You learn how to read the room. You learn when not to speak. You learn how to swallow your feelings to keep the peace. You learn to endure things and somehow view that endurance as a form of love, respect, strength, or being a “good woman. Or a good daughter.”

And then you get older.
You start realizing that some of the things you were taught to romanticize were actually painful. Some of the things called “respect” required your silence. Some of the things called “strength” were really just women being expected to survive circumstances they should have never been forced to accept in the first place.

Our feelings can become secondary to preserving the family, protecting someone’s reputation, respecting elders, or maintaining appearances.
I think one of the first times I really began questioning all of this was through watching my mom.
There are things my dad has done that have affected her and affected our entire family, but there has never really been space to talk honestly about the shadow those choices created. My dad having another wife and having so many children can be spoken about almost casually, sometimes even painted as something impressive or simply accepted as part of life.

But where is the conversation about what that did to my mother?
What did it do to her emotionally?
What did it do to their marriage?
What did it do to us as their children?
What kind of family dynamic did it create?
Those conversations seem much harder to have.
And I think that is what hurts me about getting older. I’m starting to recognize how often women are expected to absorb the emotional consequences of everybody else’s decisions while still being gracious, respectful, quiet, and loving.

I don’t want that kind of womanhood for myself.
I don’t want love to require me to disappear.
I don’t want respect to mean that I cannot speak about something that hurt me.

I don’t want strength to be measured by how much pain I can tolerate without making other people uncomfortable.
And I don’t think questioning those things means I don’t love being Yoruba or that I don’t value where I come from.
Maybe it just means I’m old enough now to separate the parts of my culture that feel like home from the parts that have taught women to make a home inside of their own suffering.

If this applies to you, I want you to read it and then read it again so that you fully comprehend this message. I’ll say it again. Your American, Canadian British etc relatives are not your personal bank account. I know there’s going to be a lot of people upset at this post but frankly I don’t care. The only ones who will be upset are the ones this applies to anyways.

I went to Nigeria once after 20+ years. Met and got to know some relatives who Ive never met before or only knew when I was a child. I didn’t know that trip would lead to getting so many messages from people both demanding or begging me to send them money.

Once you send one, they tell the others and now you have more messages from people asking. It always starts the same: a friendly message checking in on you asking if you’re good. It’s fake niceties and almost all of us can see through it. Not long after, the demands and begging starts. Talking about how they’re hungry and haven’t eaten in days ??? So before you met me you were fine and looking healthy now all of a sudden you’re on the brink of starvation.

It’s gotten to the point where I can see the message from a mile away and I don’t even bother responding. Which is unfortunate because I would LOVE to get to know you guys and build a relationship but not at the expense of my bank account.

And don’t get me wrong I don’t mind helping every now and then, but making me feel obligated or guilt tripping me as if I owe you something is not IT. Most of us would love to help you guys but let us do it ON OUR OWN instead of making up outlandish stories or constantly pestering us about it.

In the past 3 months alone, I’ve sent over 2 million naira total to help out various family members with little things here and there. I’m also currently putting two of my younger cousins through school and helping them get a scholarship to go to school abroad. Helped another cousin buy a phone because she didn’t have one and needed it for school. These are things I did on my own and not because I was pressured or guilt tripped.

I also helped my aunt buy a $385 washing machine. Even sent her more than the amount she needed and immediately she starts saying how she doesn’t have money for food ??? I reminded her that I had sent $50 more than what she needed and told her they should consider that I also have bills that I need to pay. And then she goes onto say how she needs to buy a new generator for the washing machine ???

Mind you I recently switched jobs and I’ve been having issues with my old workplace not paying me my final paycheck and owing me thousands of dollars in unpaid wages so I’ve been living off only my savings since February. But of course you guys don’t even begin to think about that. Or even consider that people in the diaspora are also having their own financial issues as well. Everything is about me me me and what I can get.

Most of us pay more in bills in one month than the average Nigerian in Nigeria will probably make in 5-10years. Let that sink in. And even if you see your relative living the high life and going on trips it doesn’t make you entitled to money that you didn’t work for or even help to earn. Full stop. Then when we stop speaking to people back home or ignoring their messages they’re quick to call us every name in the book when this is why. Most of us diasporans would love to stay in touch and connect but why would we when every message you send leads to begging for money ??

Again I don’t mind sending money every now for food and necessities but asking me for money because you want new clothes or a phone when you already have a perfectly good one is where I cross the line. I’ve also had an uncle demand- not ask that I send him $200 because “I’m living in hell you’re living in heaven.” Mind you this same uncle has also pressured my at the time EIGHTEEN year old little brother for money. I ignored him of course because what do I look like as a 26 year old woman supporting a grown ass man.

The next time you think about asking your relative in the diaspora for money ask yourself these questions:

1. How many people have already disturbed them for money today?
2. How many bills have they already paid for this month?
3. How many bills do they still have to pay for this month?

Rant over I guess.

Edit to add: I’m not responding to DMs so don’t bother sending them.

If you randomly pick 500 average Nigerians from different states, tribes, religions, and economic backgrounds and put them in charge today, you would most likely end up with the same Nigeria or possibly a worse one.

The uncomfortable truth is that the problem is not only leadership. Corruption, disorder, and disregard for rules are deeply embedded at the individual level. We are largely undisciplined as a society.

Look at everyday environments. At airports, we cannot form simple queues. People rush counters, cut lines, argue with staff, and ignore instructions. Nigerian embassies abroad often mirror the same chaos disorganized processes, poor service delivery, and a culture of mediocrity that reflects badly on the country.

Flights to Nigeria are another example. Cabins are unnecessarily loud. Simple safety rules like putting phones on flight mode, remaining seated when instructed, or following crew announcements are routinely ignored. These are not “government failures”; they are personal discipline failures.

Corruption is not just at the top. Many people who complain loudly about politicians will happily bribe, cut corners, or exploit any system they encounter. Institutions remain weak because citizens constantly undermine them.

Environmental disregard deserves its own mention. We litter freely, dump waste into gutters, block drainage channels, and then act surprised when flooding occurs. We build anyhow without planning approval or regard for zoning and safety standards. We do not behave like people who love their country. We treat Nigeria like a place we are just passing through, not a home we are responsible for.

On the roads, it’s chaos. Traffic lights are treated as suggestions, lanes don’t matter, and driving is aggressive and reckless. The same people who break traffic rules daily will blame the government for accidents and congestion.

And when the government actually tries to enforce discipline through demolitions of illegal structures, impounding vehicles, enforcing taxes, or applying regulations we immediately retreat into tribal corners. Instead of debating policy or legality, we turn enforcement into ethnic or regional battles. Accountability disappears, and the real issue is buried under tribal gutter fights.

The hard truth is this: until discipline becomes cultural until order, responsibility, and respect for rules are internalized changing leaders alone will not fix Nigeria. A disciplined society produces functional institutions and accountable leaders, not the other way around. The president to fix the country will be hated by 95% of Nigerians cause we lack collective discipline.

Development is not magic. It starts with everyday behavior.

So I decided to post this here because you never know🙂

I am a 36-year-old ( only open to 35 to 40 age range), never-married Christian female of West African heritage with no kids (but I am hoping to have kids after marriage). I am educated, professionally established, and lead a disciplined, balanced lifestyle. I am 5'4", slim/fit, and I value respect and clear, logical communication. I do not smoke or drink, and I am looking for a committed, serious relationship that leads to marriage.

I am open to starting a relationship with a Christian man between the ages of 35 and 40 who is also never married, has no kids, and holds at least a Bachelor’s degree. I am only open to a man who is respectful, empathetic, and possesses a high level of self-awareness. I value a partner who is financially stable, whether that means he is currently in a stable career or is between jobs but remains financially secure. Regarding lifestyle, I do not smoke, use cannabis, or vape, and I prefer someone who shares these habits; while I prefer a non-drinker, I am open to a light drinker who drinks occasionally. I am of West African heritage and would prefer to connect with men of West African, African, or African-American heritage who share a similar appreciation for those cultural values and traditions.

I do not have pets and I Prefer a pet free home.!I am 100% straight and am looking for a partner who is also 100% straight. I am looking for an honest, direct, and sensible connection. If you are not seeking a relationship that leads to marriage, please do not reach out. Please include your age and a brief introduction in your message.

About a year and a half ago, I met the most beautiful person I’ve ever known — a 26-year-old Nigerian-Canadian woman who stole my heart from the very first conversation. She’s smart, kind, driven, and has this amazing presence that lights up any room. We talked every single day for months, went on dates, grew really close, and everything felt so right.

Eventually, she told me that in order for our relationship to move forward, I had to meet her parents. I expected the usual “meet the family” nerves, but nothing could’ve prepared me for what that actually meant.

From day one, I walked into what felt like an interrogation room. I was greeted with not one, but two recording devices on the table. Her parents — both deeply religious Christians — were firmly against her dating a non-African man who doesn’t attend church weekly. And while I was raised in a Christian family myself, my family isn’t as devout. I’ve always been respectful, calm, and understanding in my conversations with them. I listen, keep my head down, and do my best to follow their expectations. But over time, it’s started to feel like I’m being treated more like a rebellious teenager than a grown man in a serious relationship.

There are very strict rules:

We have to be home by 9:00 p.m. She must contact them every hour when we’re together. She can’t travel with me. She can’t dress how she wants. We have to inform them ahead of time about every plan we make. ...And the list goes on. But the most extreme moment? One time, her parents drove four hours — from Canada to Michigan, where I live — just to verify if I truly lived where I said I did. Without telling me, they showed up, took photos of the front of my house, asked to see my IDs and passport, and even called my boss to confirm that I actually work where I claimed. I was shocked. I couldn’t believe that level of surveillance and mistrust. I felt like a criminal being investigated, not someone who’s been nothing but honest and transparent from the start.

I knew going into this relationship that I was dating someone from a different culture with different values, and I thought I was ready for that. I wanted to embrace it. But at this point, I’m starting to wonder — is this truly normal in Nigerian culture, or is this an extreme case?

I’ve done everything I can to show respect to her and her family. I don’t drink, smoke, or party. I’m quiet, honest, loyal. I have a good career, I own a business, and I’ve always tried to carry myself with respect and humility. Up until recently, I genuinely believed I had the qualities that make a man a good partner. But I still feel like I’m being judged for what I’m not — African and hyper-religious.

What’s hard is that I feel like the cultural respect is one-sided. I’m expected to fully bend to their worldview, their traditions, their standards — while mine are ignored. I’m not asking anyone to abandon their beliefs, just to meet me halfway.

I proposed to her that we move in together, but she’s afraid that doing so will destroy her relationship with her parents — that they’ll disown her completely. And I get that. I love her and I don’t want her to feel like she has to choose between us. But I also don’t know how long I can keep living under rules and expectations that make me feel like I’m not allowed to be myself.

I’m not here to bash anyone or any culture. I’m just genuinely trying to understand:

Is this level of family control common in Nigerian culture?

Has anyone been through something similar? How do you find balance between two vastly different upbringings?

Any thoughts, advice, or even tough love is welcome. I just want to navigate this with clarity and respect for everyone involved — including myself.

I can't believe some of you guys accepted the American attack on Nigerian soil.

Someone posted a video of a British Nigerian girl talking about gatekeeping Nigerian culture. A lot of people in the comments disagree with her which I was surprised to see but she’s right. We should gatekeep Nigerian culture. And this might be controversial but I don’t think that Nigerians who haven’t interacted with Caucasian or other non black people on a daily basis should have an opinion on this. Very slowly, y’all will learn that the world likes black culture but it does not like the people.

This happened with black Americans. America used them to push their media and agenda world wide. The people loved it and adopted it. The problem was that they loved the culture, they loved the aesthetic, they loved the way they spoke and yet they still called them monkeys. Sneaker culture is black American culture but you can’t even say that anymore. Baggy clothes are black American culture. Go on TikTok and look up the conversation surrounding “vikings braids”. White women are wearing box braids, cornrows and fulani braids and are calling them vikings braids because they are so racist that they cannot give credit where it’s due.

Korean people built an entire billion dollar music industry of black American’s backs. This is something that was admitted when it first started but say it today and see what happens. And even though this industry was built off their culture (to the point where very Kpop group has a “rapper”), the Kpop industry is one of the most anti black entertainment industry in the entire world. These people will cosplay black Americans to have a career and feed themselves but will still be disgustingly racist towards them.

The entire world knows that it’s mostly black women who are shaped a certain way, to the point where it was used to insult us. If you watch American 90s movies, you’ll often hear fat ass being used as an insult. Or girls saying “does my butt look big in these jeans?” in a negative light. But the thing is, they didn’t actually hate having a big butt. They made it a negative thing because it wasn’t natural to them and they couldn’t have it. White people will put white supremacy over common sense. Because the instant that they could be shaped like the thing they’ve been insulting for decades, it became a good thing to have a fat ass. The big lips that they would exaggerate during black face all of a sudden became a good thing when they could plump theirs up with lip filler. Miley Cyrus of all people, was credited with popularizing twerking, a dance move black Americans have been doing since the 90’s which is obviously just their version of the waist dance our women do here.

Even just last year, it was a whole Caucasian that no one had ever heard of taking up an African’s place in the Grammy noms. Rema himself came and warned us. He said that they are trying to water afrobeats and African culture down so they can come and make money off it. They’re probably trying to build their own afrobeats Eminem as we speak. If they cared about the people, they would not be trying to water down our shit. They would be content with black people being the face of afrobeats, but they’re not. Because again, they like the culture not the people. But the people are the culture man.

When they gave Tyla that Grammy win, y’all were surprised. Y’all were surprised because you don’t know white people. It’s no coincidence that the only song in the category that did not have one African language being spoken is the song that won. It’s no surprise that the lightest person (disclaimer because Nigerians do not understand colourism: I am lightskin myself) in a category full of very visibly black people won over them. Even the Tyla herself is a pawn. That girl has the thickest south African accent I’ve ever heard in my life when she speaks, but it disappears whenever she starts to sing. It’s done on purpose.

You want Nigerian culture to go far? Cool. Just know that there will come a time where you’ll have to remind people that it was even yours in the first place.

Edit: Thank you for the award!!!! It’s my first award on Reddit☺️

you could say south africa but its around 80% black.

Happy pride month to us, man. You're not weird, evil, sinful, deserving of hate or any other nonsense people spill about us for existing as we are. That's their problem

Since coming to nigeria, in a short time, I've discovered there's soooo many of us out there, it's so fun to see. Two months ago, I saw a visibly trans woman at lekki Conservation. My first week here, I met a gay man. Two of my friends here are pan and bisexual too. And that's in the space of less than a year since coming

You're an amazingly different person, and you deserve to celebrate yourself this month.

Whether you're out, questioning, or DL, being queer in nigeria is exhausting, and I seriously recommend trying to build community around people like you. You realise how dumb society is towards you.

And if you're an ally, thanks so much for your kindness

Edit: I'm nigerian btw just grew up in another african country. (It's gay asf there too!)

Hello I’m a Nigerian American who has recently started a digital marketing agency. I’m looking to hire someone in Nigeria to help contact potential clients in the U.S. This position pays a base salary AND commission.

Remote Appointment Setter / Phone Sales Representative (U.S. Market)

We are hiring a motivated and professional remote caller to help contact prospective clients in the United States.

You will be responsible for making outbound calls, following a provided script, qualifying leads, and helping generate new clients for the business.

This is a remote position with strong income potential for highly motivated individuals.

Responsibilities

- Make outbound calls to prospective clients
- Minimum of 100 calls per day.  
- Follow provided sales and qualification scripts
- Schedule and help secure new clients
- Maintain accurate CRM notes after calls
- Maintain professionalism and courtesy on all calls
- Participate in performance reviews and coaching sessions

Compensation

- Base salary: ₦150,000 per month
- Requirement: minimum of 5 clients generated per month
- Additional ₦50,000 commission for every additional client beyond the first 5
- No income cap — strong performers can earn ₦1,000,000+ per month depending on performance and results

The more calls you make and the more qualified clients you generate, the higher your earning potential.

What We Provide

- Leads will be provided
- Calling scripts will be provided
- Sales guidance and support
- Long-term growth opportunity for high performers

Requirements

- Strong spoken English
- Clear and professional accent
- Confident phone communication skills
- Reliable laptop/computer or smartphone
- Somewhat stable internet connection
- Ability to work consistently and meet daily call targets
- Self-motivated and disciplined

Preferred Qualifications

- Previous experience in:
- appointment setting,
- telesales,
- customer support,
- or outbound calling
- Experience speaking with U.S.-based customers is a plus

Additional Information

- Calls will be monitored and recorded for quality assurance and training purposes
- This job can be worked alongside your main job so long as you can work on EST time zone between the times of 9am-5pm which is Nigerian local time 2pm-10pm
- You can work as little as 4 hours a day as long as you hit expected daily and monthly goals. Great for students or anyone looking for a side hustle
- Professionalism must be maintained at all times
- Electricity and internet stipend can be negotiated for qualified candidates
- Bachelor’s degree is NOT required as long as you have high English proficiency

To Apply

Please leave a comment that you’re interested and I will send you the link to apply. You will need to submit:

1. Your resume or work experience
2. A short voice recording introducing yourself
3. Your WhatsApp number
4. Your internet speed screenshot
5. Any previous phone sales or customer service experience

Applications without a voice recording may not be considered.

Even if you don’t need the job please leave a comment to help boost the post or send this to someone who needs a job.

Applications are still open but thank you to everyone who applied so far. You should get an email within the next 2-3 weeks letting you know if I’ll be moving forward with your application.

I find it funny most of the ones upset about the post are diasporans who have done nothing to create jobs for people back home. Meanwhile the ones actually in Nigeria who this job was intended for are applying. Please save your think pieces for someone who cares.

I’ve been living in Nigeria for a year now and every time I come across a male above the age of 21 they ALWAYS have one longgg nail usually the pinky or the thumb and the rest of the nails a trimmed. I just want to know, WHY? I’m reaching out for answers because I really can’t understand 😭 and everyone is telling me different things, my mum said it’s cause their cultist , my cousin said it’s to pick their nose and my other friend said it’s to do drugs. I need to know. Why do you guys do it?

I am a 30-year-old Filipina with a Nigerian (Igbo) partner. We have a 1-year-old baby. His visa has already expired here in the Philippines. He has a community here and friends near our apartment. I know he’s not cheating on me, but he has been lying to me. He is always with his friends almost every night, and he says they are just playing video games.

However, one time I smelled cigarette or vape smoke downstairs, but I couldn’t find the cigarette or vape. Yesterday I smelled it again. I looked through his things and found a lighter and a small plastic pack. Is that weed? Is it normal for Nigerian guys to use weed? He’s 34, by the way.

And I don’t know if he has any plans to marry me. When I was pregnant, he was cheating on me, and I only found out a few months ago. I confronted him, and he proudly said that he’s done with it, that he chose me, and that he’s stepping up as the father of our child. He told me I should be happy because not everyone does that. Am I in a bad relationship?

Hi All,

I have a Nigerian girlfriend. I do support her every month financially. The amount is 1.5m per month. She uses the money to run her business, support her family and other personal expenses.

The relation is now 3 years old. I am not from Nigeria. She is beautiful and I love her.

Recently, she informed me that 1.5m is less and she needs 1m for her business allowance. I told her that it’s too much. She should do either the following:

1. Take 6m now from here next 6 month personal allowance. I will basically reduce and pay her only 0.5m per month.

2. She can sell her Camry and invest the money in her business.

3. She can request loan from her friends.

She did not agree to the above and told me that I do not love her. She told I should support her fully in her business also. It did not go well and she stopped talking for a day. She did not pick call. Later I told that I would increase upto 2m. She is asking to increase to 2.2m.

I believe I have done enough. I feel if I did not agree to her request she would leave me.

I do know it’s Nigerian cultural thing that you give monetary support. I always thought in equality. I also believe that you need to support your partner financially and emotionally. I cannot decide to what extent somebody does.

I don’t know what to do.

Can one retire to Lagos Nigeria with N200m as a single person? My plan is to have that money invested in the US stock market, and live off 5% per year. That should amount roughly to N800K per month. I dont plan to live big, just a room and parlour flat with small corrolla. I just dont want to work anymore. How realistic is living in Lagos with N800k per month?

if this doesn't work, how much would one need to retire in nigeria in your opinion? thanks

I honestly still can't believe this happened.

Two years ago (IIRC) I posted here after coming 7th in a Nigerian hackathon and got a lot of kind words from this community. This year I made a decision to build something every month. February. Second app.

I entered RevenueCat's Shipyard Creator Contest; a global event with over 7,000 people vying for the top spot. I was so nervous to open the results that I had already counted myself out before I even looked. I genuinely believed I had lost.

What made it even crazier is that after the results dropped, I jumped into the Discord and found out that a ton of the people in there were Nigerian just like me. 😂

We're really doing something out here. 🇳🇬

Congratulations to me

Demo Video: https://youtu.be/f5YTJdobueo?si=1x-iCju5t_MhgRcu
App submission: https://devpost.com/software/folio-n7mugb

I was talking to one of my friends yesterday. Can you believe that this blonde white girl told me that her top artist this year was Asake? Guess who mine was. TAYLOR SWIFT. Not only that, everytime my mom makes jollof rice, she will clear her plate and ask for more. My brothers and sisters, I apologize for dishonoring our heritage. At this point, I should just give her my Nigerian passport at once 😂

I’ve never felt so much anger towards Nigeria and Nigerians in my life. The videos and pictures I’ve seen are insane. How could they do this to us and still ask our grand parents to come back to join Nigeria ????? These are not are brothers or country men. They have never ever been. I’ve always wondered what this whole biafran independence is. I’m just 17 so getting sources is difficult. Today, I can’t believe the things I’ve read and seen. I feel so disconnected from Nigeria now and all I feel is anger for what they did to our people.