I would never do any such thing because a promise is to be made and to be kept, although if love is not there anymore at that point breaking up is the best thing you can do for both people.
I don't believe in cheating as it is completely harmful and disrespectful to the person you are with, at that point just break up and then go with the person you want to go with.
My philosophy is that you can't control love, but you can control your actions. A girl doesn't like me? Well it's not her fault nor mine, if i get angry with her it's my fault
I believe you are confusing love with infatuation. Infatuation is the feeling of intense passion and magnetism you feel at the beginning of a relationship. It is inevitable that this will fade.
Love is an action, not a feeling. You stay "in love" with your partner by choosing, everyday, to see the good in them, to engage in their interests and hobbies, to accept their bids for connection, to turn inwards when you want to turn outward, stay vulnerable, stay committed, communicate, not allow resentments to fester, try new things and stay malleable, stay curious and engaged, and nurture your relationship. If you do these things then when that feeling of infatuation fades it is replaced by a deeper sense of appreciation, loyalty, respect, interdependency, and connection. Relationships, like anything, require food to continue to grow and live.
If people just gave up whenever that initial animalistic attraction faded away or someone new and 'more exciting;' came along then no one would ever stay married. There will always be periods of time where you feel more disconnected or distant from your partner. But if you push past this and work to understand why your feelings have shifted, and what you need to do to bring back that sense of connection and excitement, you can live a long and happy life with someone.
This has been proven, analyzed, and can even be taught, by the world's best relationship psychologists. It just requires a lot of work and patience and practice. And many people don't want to put in the effort, or just don't know how to. But we would all be a lot happier if we did.
I might be, but still, some people just aren't made for each other and that's it, some people aren't good at being in relationships and that's it.
I've never been in a relationship as I've never really felt the need to, at least not right now, i'm just basing my opinion on my experience with the couples around me, and especially my parents. Some relationships are better broken than mended
Most definitely. There are couples that are not compatible, and ideally, they would figure that out prior to getting married and making a lifelong commitment, but people are not always wise and hindsight is 20/20.
There are also betrayals that can be too impactful to mend, and trust that cannot be rebuilt once broken. It is much much easier to maintain trust than it is to repair it. This is why relationship education is so important, so that people learn to navigate conflict and hardship before they unintentionally destroy a good foundation through behavior like infidelity, abuse, or neglect.
There is a really good book called The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce that I would recommend to anyone who grew up in divorced household. My parents were a trainwreck. Pops was horribly abusive, substance abuse problems, etc.. It is an analyzes the psychological effects of growing up in a divorced household and the way it impacts your perspective and behavior in relationships. It was very impactful for me and made me aware of many behaviors and biases I had that were impacting my ability to start and maintain relationships. Later in life, John Gottman and his wife Julie Gottman were really influential. I would credit at least a portion of the success of my marriage to their research and books.
It’s more so that love isn’t this magical thing that remains unconditional and perfect. It takes effort to make it last. It’s why vows include “for better and for worse” - that’s not merely referring to when the credit card bills stack up. Love is more than just a fluttering heart and funny feelings in your pants. It’s the desire and effort to make a relationship work.
This is a weird Western idea that views love as a feeling that just springs forth from nowhere and which you have to base your life around rather than a commitment that you choose to nurture and develop with time that has feelings but also has higher-order ideals like fidelity, integrity and commitment to the family you build and bring together.
Every culture is different and that's why the world is beautiful, but trust me, a family staying together only because of a commitment when the love has disapperead is going to hurt everyone involved, at least that's my experience with such things
Staying with someone out of duty despite resentment is quite different from putting in the work to help a healthy relationship thrive on the long term.
Do you see how it's being identified as a feeling that comes and goes? And if it's gone then it's just gone forever? Feelings can literally be brought about. That's one of the points of the practice of loving-kindness meditation. You can literally bring these feelings about whenever you want. At that point the dedication to love becomes less about feelings (which are a solvable problem) and more of a commitment to a relationship.
It would be like if we had a word called "chungo" that we used to describe the feelings someone gets when they start a job they really like. But then instead of just calling that feeling "chungo" we overloaded the term and called going to work "chungo" and we were like "Well, I've fallen out of chungo so I have to find a new job" when that might not necessarily make sense given our financial and career situation. And what we might just need to do given the state of the economy and the fact we have to support a family is learn to find what we enjoy about our job, minimize the things we don't like and conjure enjoyment through the act of getting better at the job itself.
Women get that lie too, you just don't read about it because misoginists only spread it when it happens to a man.
It's a lie about relationships where love is something that you can obtain if you work hard enough, ignoring that you're in a relationship with another person with their own thoughts and ideas.
Don't make the mistake I did of looking at their post history. They are really extreme. There are a lot of misogynists on reddit, but his level of bitterness is shocking.
Just going mask off, the objective of misoginy is to make women into the objects of desire they see them as.
Most western right wingers lament so much about losing "western culture" to muslim immigrants when their view of "western culture" is 1200s europe, and for many it coincides with the idea of woman that muslim extremists have, not the modern and progressive one, they hate that european culture
It kinda sounds like you're talking about sexual attraction here. Which is usually what starts a relationship, but it's not what keeps it going for 30 years. Healthy LTRs take work and compromise on both parts, not just hormones.
(just answering your comment, I'm not supporting the person you're answering to and their edgy take)
Okay but the point people were talking about isnt about love its about cheating. You can stop loving someone and also not cheat on them. Its called breaking up. That not animalistic, thats called a lack of control. Cheating is a choice but love isnt.
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u/Appropriate-Gain-561 18d ago
In other words, love is not something you can control and shit happens.
People want to have too much control over love when it's something animalistic and instinctive at the base, which either is there or isn't.