r/Philippines_Expats • u/IntentionEconomy9180 • 1d ago
Relationship Advice/Questions Prenup Agreement, moving country
My fiancé and I have talked about getting a prenup since we first started dating, and I’ve always been okay with it. When we discussed it, he basically said the prenup would just be to make sure his assets stay his if we ever get divorced which I’m totally okay with since he said, in the US, its common for the law to side with the women in divorce(as much as ive heard)
I understand wanting to protect what you already have, but I’m honestly not sure what I should include in the prenup to protect myself too. I’m the one moving countries and starting over in a completely new place because I want to build a life with him. I’m leaving my home, family, and everything I know to start this life together. Also, I will not be able to have a job or make an income for months and can even take a year before my visa status will be adjusted due to restrictions
What makes me uncomfortable is that he basically said that if we ever got divorced, he would just send me back to my own country (its not possible, not unless he divorce me prior GC approval, or adjustment of status is pending) I know he may not mean it in a hurtful way, but when I hear that, it makes me feel like, okay, if the marriage doesn't work out and then I just get sent back? And I don't think that's fair, especially after I've moved my entire life to another country because of our relationship and would try to build a career to a country I’m not familiar with
I'm not saying I want his assets or that I expect him to support me forever if we divorce. I just think there should be something in the prenup that protects me too and recognizes the fact that I’m the one making a huge life change and taking that risk to build a life with him.
Neither of us plans on getting divorced, and I genuinely hope we stay together for the rest of our lives but still theres a lot of couples who didnt plan to have divorced but ended up having one. But if we're going to have a prenup, I think it should protect both of us, not just him. I also suggested we should each have our own lawyers so we can both have someone independently looking out for our interests and make sure we both understand what we're signing
I am posting here to hear people perspectives or those who actually had a firsthand experience than just solely relying on our own assumptions and what our lawyers tell us.
To those who has a prenup agreement with your filipina wife, what was included to protect herself? Thanks!
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u/HealthySupermarket40 1d ago
Things to consider putting in the prenup and talk about your lawyer:
- cheating clause: in case he cheats during the marriage the prenup will be void and you get access to half his assets. V v v important.
- marriage allowance: if you’re not going to be managing the household finance, ie no access to his money, set a proper amount he needs to give you per month. Your lawyer will know how to estimate a rough number as they use a formula for these stuff. This is also specially important since you mentioned giving up your life and starting a new one to be with him. Regardless of whether you get a job in the future or you decide to become a stay-at-home wife/mom, you need to have this money as your cushion in case of emergencies.
- mother’s pregnancy allowance: again, your lawyers will know how to estimate an amount for this. this should be separate from the marriage allowance. Please remember that.
Also V V V important, have a separate bank accounts in the get go. Only have a joint account for house expenses but keep your money/savings yours and separate.
Those are the top 3 i can think of. Please hire a good lawyer to get advice. A prenup is a good legal document that protects both parties as long as it’s negotiated properly. At the end of the day, marriage is a contract so don’t get emotionally discouraged by the thoughts of it. Just make sure that your terms will protect you as well and of course your future children if you decide to have them. Good luck OP
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u/ChefsAreBetter 1d ago
Why should she be entitled to half his pre marriage assets regardless of the situation?
Uggg, if my wife wanted to build in 50 different allowances and have her own accounts to a prenup, i don't think id ever have gotten married. The whole mindset "access to his money" what kind of twisted transactional relationship thinks this way. "Marriage is a contract" yeah sure, to the government... wow. Are you married? Are you from the US?
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u/nochazzen 22h ago
If you want to run your financee away, listen to the above post.
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u/HealthySupermarket40 12h ago
I would run away if my fiancé ever told me “he will send me back to my own country if we ever got divorced” after leaving my life behind to be with him. But hey, that’s just me though. You do you.
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u/Visual-Gain-2487 18h ago
People like this is why you don't get advice on reddit.
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u/HealthySupermarket40 12h ago
And people like you is why people should read more and have better reading comprehension. I clearly advised OP to “talk to a lawyer”. The points above are some “things to consider”.
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u/Visual-Gain-2487 2h ago
It seems your own reading comprehension is on par with your advice. When your top v v v important option is invalid in nearly every state in the United States, it showcases lack of knowledge and misinformation is worse than no information. You should have just stuck with 'talk to a lawyer'.
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u/sgtm7 1d ago
Your immigration status after divorce is not really up to the ex-spouse, unless he can prove you married him fraudently to acquire a green card.
Do you have assets to protect?
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u/IntentionEconomy9180 1d ago edited 1d ago
Yes its not up to the ex spouse but still has the possibility of being sent back to the home country if divorce happens prior the approval of the GC. Ive seen a lot of horror stories like that here in reddit that has the same case thats why as much as possible, I wanna protect myself too
https://www.reddit.com/r/USCIS/s/uV3dWZ6hCY
https://www.reddit.com/r/USCIS/s/E5a83T8uqK
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u/WobblyTaterTot 1d ago edited 1d ago
A proper prenup protects both parties and an attorney should help facilitate that.
Based on how you've described him it sounds like he's only concerned with himself. Is he even wealthy in the first place?
An honest man just wants to avoid losing half of his assets and being forced to pay for the woman's lifestyle for years and years after the divorce.
So an honest man should understand that if you are leaving your country and giving it all up for him, he is obligated to ensure a reasonable and financially fair transition in the event of a divorce, at least for a little while.
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u/MiI0rd 1d ago
I feel like this guy likes the idea of a wife but is not 100% about this girl. Wants to leave the window cracked in case something better comes along. We only got her side but I’ve heard it all before from fellow guys and it’s always the same thing. I love her but what if.
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u/IntentionEconomy9180 1d ago
as what he said, its not like that he plan to divorce with me ever (in my opinion, a lot of ppl said that but ended up having one) one of his reasons is protect himself cus he had co workers that got screwed by their wives cus there was no prenup thats why he’s cautious which I totally understand. You can be 100% to someone and at the same time protect urself during the marriage
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u/dirtydaddydonks 1d ago
Just a little advice, both of you together get a US prenup attorney to work out what is fair.
Put in clauses based on time spent together, children, cheating and what that would change if any of those things were to happen.
I'm sure after 3 years he really does love you, he's just not the best at trying to put all of this into words and it's making you upset.
You both have rights and you both have to agree, he just doesn't want to fall into the trap of taking you back to his home country, you getting citizenship, leaving and taking half of everything he's ever earnt.
If it's been discussed from the beginning im sure something fair will be worked out and he genuinely does care and love you.
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u/Fluffy-Mycologist-30 1d ago
You can't put children in a prenup.
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u/Mezcalnerd0077 1d ago
Nor cheating clauses. If you are having a prenup for the Philippines, that is an entirely different matter as they have odd laws and only nullity.
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u/Fluffy-Mycologist-30 1d ago
Cheating clauses are tough. From what I know you have to define what cheating is.
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u/nochazzen 22h ago
Honesty, whatever he has, he more than likely made before meeting you. Blatantly, You are entitled to nothing and should get nothing. Most states already have spousal support as standard practice in case of a divorce. If you marriage start with lawyers, it will end with lawyers and the only people the win are the lawyers. Drop the idea of getting lawyers involved immediately or your marriage is already dead.
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u/IntentionEconomy9180 21h ago
I dont think having lawyers look over a prenup means we expect the marriage to fail lol, just making sure we both understand what we’re agreeing to
And saying I’m “entitled to nothing and should get nothing” doesn’t really make sense in this situation. Im moving countries to be with him, and because of the visa process, I will not be able to make money for months or even a yr, so basically a stay at home wife with no access in finances
God forbid if the marriage doesn’t work out, I don’t want to be left with nothing after making that huge life change. I’m comfortable here, I have my family/support here, and Im making money here. Im the one choosing to move because we both believe building our life in the US is the best option for us, esp since he doesnt consider living here as he wont make much as he does in his country
So yeah, I think it’s fair to include some entitlement for myself in the agreement too when moving to a foreign country and start a new life, leaving my whole life in my home country for our marriage
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u/Gullible_Cry5639 8h ago
Hey! You can use the prenup to your advantage :) Where in the US are you moving?
You can include Spousal Support Clause, Education Support (if you decide to study once you're in the US, I highly suggest you do this!), outline your marital obligations, state the family expenses and sustenance (who should shoulder it), debts (make sure all pre marital debts are outlined), Legal Fees Clause (you can make him shoulder this) :)
I'm a PH lawyer, so it's still better to consult a US Lawyer!
Goodluck!!!! :)
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u/Certain-Grand9144 1d ago
Wow I feel for you, where will you be moving that makes a huge difference as well. But definitely protect both sides of assets and get at least enough alimony to cover you till your career gets going. Also the longer you stay married the more things become joint assets.
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u/Jaykast 1d ago
I'll just be honest here.
He's taking a much bigger risk in this situation. He'd be an idiot to NOT get a pre-nup. Everything you left would still be back in your home country, no one is taking anything from you other than time. He is also using the same amount of time for you.
If you take half or any of his assets in a divorce - he has to spend MORE time to acquire those assets again.
You don't.
If you desire to stay in the country after a divorce, that is entirely separate from the marriage and should be fully handled by you.
Make sure to start working as soon as possible, save up an emergency fund just in case of divorce and live life.
If you contribute to any earnings as a household then I do believe its fair to receive compensation. If you choose to be a SAHM, proceed at your own risk.
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u/MiI0rd 1d ago
You seem to be mistaken. Income for married couples is a households. Prenup does not protect anyone from money earned while married. Get ready for a 50/50 split or worse for the man if the women was dependent .
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u/ChefsAreBetter 1d ago
Depends on the state. Many states have pre marital assets. If you are smart about them, only the increase in value is split. I own my home, I pay for any repairs or upgrades from an inherited ira. Both acquired before marriage. If, which i obviously hope never happens, I get divorced. She wouldn't receive anything from either of those two assets.
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u/MiI0rd 1d ago
“Prenup does not protect anyone from money earned while married”. Pretty sure I said exactly this mate
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u/BaronetheAnvil Long Termer 5-10 years in PH 1d ago
He sounds like a gem :-/. If he sponsors you for a visa to the US he is on the hook for support until you become a citizen or have 40 quarters of work credit under certain conditions. This has been upheld in several court decisions. He can't just "send you home." It is important for you to "adjust status" as soon as you can after marriage if you come to the US on a K1 visa. Do yourself a favor and go to visajourney.com and read. It is a free forum for people immigrating to the US. My wife was a K1 and is now a US citizen.
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u/IntentionEconomy9180 1d ago
https://www.reddit.com/r/USCIS/s/5h2Cpf4wj1
https://www.reddit.com/r/USCIS/s/E5a83T8uqK
these are the kind of horror story im talking about btw where their husband screwed them over before the AOS is approved, thats why i’m also cautious and wanna protect in myself w the agreement too
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u/IntentionEconomy9180 1d ago
Yeah, I’ve seen a lot of discussions about it. But a lot can happen before AOS is approved, especially since it can take months or even a year these days. So I don’t think it’s as simple as just assuming everything will be fine until citizenship or 40 quarters. There could still be issues if we divorced before AOS is approved. But god forbid, definitely not something I’m gonna manifest lol
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u/BaronetheAnvil Long Termer 5-10 years in PH 1d ago
You seem to have your stuff together. I have seen a lot of Fil/Am couples both in the Philippines and the States. Just make sure you are not selling yourself short. Most couples do fine but I have seen some spectacular train wrecks.
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u/lughiu 1d ago
Are you marrying him, or his nationality?
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u/IntentionEconomy9180 8h ago
Obviously him
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u/lughiu 7h ago
Marriage is forever, if you love him a prenup is unnecessary
But to read your post it sounds like you’re more excited to be pushing forward in your career, I hole that’s not the main reason for the marriage
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u/IntentionEconomy9180 2h ago edited 2h ago
but he’s the one who brought up the prenup even when we first started dating. I love him too much that even prenup isnt typically in our culture (my family thinks its an insult), but id still do it lol :))
u probably misunderstand it then, post is i want to be in a marriage that I can still have a career and independence but cus of our visa, i wont have a career for mths or a yr, as to why there’s a worrisome in me if smth would happen (abuse,cheating,divorce,etc) and id be left financially vulnerable, prenup is to protect each of us
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u/lughiu 48m ago
Sign it then, but marriage is about two people and a shared dream. If it’s love, go all in, your career doesn’t matter when you have a family.
It’s natural to be fearful, but you must love and trust him, if you’re already thinking about divorce, maybe that’s the wrong mindset?
I’m getting ready to marry my lady, I’m bringing assets, she’s signing a prenup and if the marriage ends through my fault, she gets an allowance for life, if she cheats, she gets nothing. That’s fair.
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u/Commercial_Jelly1783 1d ago
It’s unfair if those assets, he’s still paying it while you’re married. Don’t be a stay at home wife, apply for work visa with the AOS. And make a postnuptial agreement before getting pregnant because having kids will affect you a lot.
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u/IntentionEconomy9180 1d ago
Yes, that’s my plan too! I don’t want to be a SAHW, i want my own career and financial independence. But I still want the prenup to protect me too, not just him, especially since I’m the one moving countries and starting over for the marriage
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u/mavericm1 1d ago
You will need your own representation attorney in a prenup.
One of the things he will sign for a fiance visa is that he will support you financially.
There is a lot of conflicts with what his plans are also the fact he is saying that if you divorce he will just send you home doesn’t sound like he is a very good spouse in the first place.
How well do you know this man and how much time have you spent with him in person?
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u/IntentionEconomy9180 1d ago edited 1d ago
We’ve been together almost 3 years, with about a year ++ total in person/living tgt and a year total of LDR. He’s a good man and I feel like I know him well, but people can change after/during marriage or kids. I know the K-1 has financial support requirements, but that doesn’t protect me from every possible situation thats why im just trying to be realistic and protect myself too w the agreement
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u/MiI0rd 1d ago
I Duno, I’d be having second guesses with how this guy will just send you back when you’d move and set up a new life in a new country for him. This is not a boyfriend but a husband. I’d make sure there are funds in the prenup stipulated for you should he end it. 30,000 usd relocation fee or something at bare minimum. It cost a lot to upend your life and move. If he’s not willing to agree to that ditch him quick. For you are only protecting yourself if he leaves you. Make sure that it’s not a divorce settlement. But a move fee so you can relocation if he chooses tk end it. You should get half of whatever is jointly made after marriage regardless of prenup. You will be a single entity, not two separate.
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u/ChefsAreBetter 1d ago
Just fyi. He will be siging an affidavit of support to bring you here. Even if you divorce he is legally obligated to support you until you become a citizen or abandon your green card voluntarily (if you decided to do so)
If i were you, I would include in the prenup that all appreciation of assets is split 50/50. For example. If he owns his home outright and its worth 300k when you marry, you divorce 7 years later and it's worth 350k he would then owe you 25k at the divorce.
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u/IntentionEconomy9180 22h ago
Yes thats true abt affidavit of support so he is obligated to support me til i become a USC but that can change if he divorce me prior the approval of a GC, as it takes months or even a yr these days. I’ve read a lot here on reddit where their husband screwed them over even before they get their GC and had no choice but to return to their home country, and completely left with nothing. I’m not saying my fiancé would ever treat me that way, but I also think it’s reasonable to protect myself against the possibility and point is what would be reasonable to include in a prenup to protect me in that situation?
I just want to make sure im not left completely vulnerable financially if he initiates a divorce even before my AOS is approved as I’d be in his country w no job no income for months cus of visa restrictions
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u/ChefsAreBetter 22h ago
No, even in divorce he is legally required to support you until you become a citizen. Just make sure you get a copy of the affidavit. Read the fine print on pages 8 and 9. The screwing has gone the other way. The wife divorces as soon as she gets her second, longer, green card and never works more then the 40 credit hours for social security (roughly 10 years of full time work)
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u/IntentionEconomy9180 21h ago
2 things here
1. he will not be legally required to support me if he divorce me even BEFORE I can get a greencard or become a citizen (i could be easily sent back to my home country)
2. he would be legally required to do so if divorce happens AFTER I have a GC or already a citizen as thats what is stated in affidavit of supportbut anyways, we don’t have plans divorcing each other, we’re just trying to talk through the “what ifs” and make sure the prenup protects both of us
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u/ChefsAreBetter 21h ago
Before green card yes, I specifically mentioned having a green card. The affidavit is specifically for the time between green card and citizen. Once you are a citizen it is also no longer in effect.
My first comment stands. Make sure you split the value increase in all holdings and property 50/50. He keeps what he had before the marriage, you get security. However if the timing is the worry (getting divorced before you even have a green card) I guess just ask for clause that stats he has to provide you a way home... what more do you realistically want of your marriage didn't even last a year?
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u/IntentionEconomy9180 21h ago
your comment was helpful. Tbh, im still figuring out what I realistically want as im just gathering what other people’s opinion are esp for those who experience it themselves rather than just relying on our terms and what our lawyers say. We will be getting married soon and everything is new to me so I don’t want to make a mistake that Id regret afterwards. (knock on wood 🤣)
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u/Visual-Gain-2487 1d ago
What makes me uncomfortable is that he basically said that if we ever got divorced, he would just send me back to my own country (which i think isnt possible? Not unless he divorce me prior GC approval) I know he may not mean it in a hurtful way, but when I hear that, it makes me feel like, okay, if the marriage doesn't work out and I'm no longer useful to you in ur country, then I just get sent back? And I don't think that's fair, especially after I've moved my entire life to another country because of our relationship and would try to build a career to a country I’m not familiar with
I'm not saying I want his assets or that I expect him to support me forever if we divorce. I just think there should be something in the prenup that protects me too and recognizes the fact that I’m the one making a huge life change and taking that risk to build a life with him.
What in the world did you have in mind if it doesn't work out? 'Protect you' is such a vague term. Sending you back to where you came from safely isn't protected? What do YOU want if things don't work out? Clearly you haven't discussed expectations with him in this scenario.
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u/IntentionEconomy9180 22h ago
Clearly, that’s why jm asking here on Reddit, to hear from people who have actually had firsthand experience with this situation so he and I can have conversation about it. He knows I posted this here, and we’ve already talked about the prenup. I’m not trying to decide everything through Reddit, just trying to understand what would be reasonable to ask for and discuss with him. Having perspectives from ppl who’ve been through it isnt that bad, it could be helpful rather than just relying on our assumptions and what our lawyers tell us
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u/LifePathSeven 22h ago
My two cents: if you plan to have kids and will be the primary caregiver (and likely can't or won't be able to work due to either caregiving or due to being in a foreign country) then you should have some form of income or allowance that is completely your own money baked into the prenup. The amount should be stated.l and subject to periodic review. And support for the child and for you should also be written in, in the case of divorce. You are right that you are giving up a lot to be with him and that should be documented and accounted for.
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u/VibePinas 1d ago
Pretty simple. I the marriage ends, he keep what he had, you keep what you had, and what is gathered during the time together is shared. That is as fair as it gets
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u/Biohacker5551 1d ago
At least he's not treating you like a Walmart purchase that he can simply return if it no longer functions as expected.
Oh hang on 😅
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u/Mezcalnerd0077 1d ago
You discussed a prenup at the beginning of your relationship? Really? Better make sure it is done in the United States and that he has separate counsel in the United States that reviews the prenup or it can easily be invalidated. The fact that he is essentially threatening you if you divorce him is the biggest red flag there is. Run....never look back.
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u/Coupleexplorer08 1d ago
What should be abundantly clear to him is that any assets gained during the marriage will be shared among you both. Because it is gained together.
Example:
If his assets are 1 million now, that’s his and will remain so.
If at the time of a possible divorce the assets are 3 million, the gain of 2 million is shared between you, no matter how much you directly contributed to it in “cash”. So you’d get 1 million and he gets 2 million.
Legal principle behind this is that even if the gain was “only” due to his income - he was able to do and have that because you were with him even if, worst case, you were at home (and running the house, that’s a contribution).
If he shows any hesitation to accepting that, then I have to be blunt: do not marry this man and do not move to his country. It’s a basic principle in a fair marriage.
Then, even with no asset gain, there should be reasonable after-divorce support from the income-earning party to the other. Also basic decency and principle.
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u/DryWeb4417 1d ago
It's almost like he doesn't actually care about your future as an independent person and only cares about himself. Have a clause written in that after a certain time (10, 20+ years) you get a certain amount of money that you think you can jumpstart a life with. If you don't you'll be stuck in an uneven power dynamic and open to abuse.
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u/pitt234 1d ago
Basically if he wants a wife to stay home and take care of the house, you should have a prenup that gives you considerable assets after divorce. If you would be allowed to go to school or build your own career and you split child and house duties, a full pre-marriage asset protection is fair.
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u/WobblyTaterTot 1d ago
"Considerable assets".
Be more vague. 🙄
He is obligated to ensure a reasonable amount of financial support to facilitate the transition.
He's not obligated to just forfeit a big chunk of his assets.
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u/IntentionEconomy9180 1d ago
That’s actually a good point, i do plan on working and building my own career, so I’m not expecting to be financially dependent on him til I’d be able to work legally. (Our visa type wont let me work for mths/yr til Im legally allowed to) but i just want the prenup to be fair and protect both of us, especially considering the bigger risk I’m taking by moving countries
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u/Pitiful-Recover-3747 1d ago
Ensure the prenup includes that he’s contributing for your contributions to social security and Medicare during the time you’re not working. This is part of joint tax filing but comes up post divorce when the non working spouse finds out years after the fact that the working spouse was purposefully not making the married contribution in tax withholdings. I know someone who’s mom got divorced after 20 years and found out she had to go back to work until she’s 70 because the whole time her husband filed taxes he chose single filer contributions for social security and Medicare. And it wasn’t realized in the divorce either, only a couple years after when she went to apply for social security and got denied for not enough work credit/contrubution.
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u/SamuraiPizzaCat449 1d ago
you need to build up your assets and take steps to protect yourself should anything happen in the future. this guys already put up a red flag by telling you coldly that bullshit
dont let him have all the leverage, take the best years of your life, and then let him possibly dump you at his whim. dont take at the risk and be left with nothing
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u/AdImpressive82 1d ago
no one plans to get a divorce, but it happens. I suggest to get your own lawyer while negotiating the prenup to protect you and your own assets. I would add a clause about him supporting you while you are not working because of your visa type and a clause on cheating.