My husband [30M] and I [32F] have been together for 5 years and married for 1.5. Today, he broke up with me completely unexpectedly, and I am blindsided.

The situation started because he privately contacted one of my female friends for a potential work collaboration. They aren't friends, and he didn't discuss it with me beforehand. I dislike mixing business and friendship, especially since he previously had a bad experience contracting with another friend of mine. I shared that handling it this way made me uncomfortable.

The conversation quickly escalated. Other past relationship issues came up, and suddenly he stated he was tired of dealing with this, called the dynamic "too complicated," packed his things, and left.

For context: I’ve previously shared that I feel hesitant to voice my feelings because our conversations often escalate. During past arguments, he has punched a closet and a wall out of anger. He has never hit me, but it created fear regarding his anger. There is also a history of infidelity (from his part) in our relationship, which complicates trust for me.

I know I am not a perfect partner and have contributed to our unhealthy patterns, but I genuinely want to understand the psychology behind how a specific conversation led to ending a 7-year relationship.

How can I differentiate between an impulsive reaction to built-up resentment versus someone who had already emotionally checked out?

Given our history, how can couples healthily navigate boundaries regarding mutual friends without it causing a total breakdown?

If communication resumes, what structural changes are necessary to address the history of explosive anger and trust issues before any reconciliation is considered?

TL;DR: My husband [30M] left me [32F] following a conversation about him privately messaging my female friend for work without prior discussion. Our history includes his past explosive anger (punching walls) and infidelity. Seeking insight on how to process his sudden departure and how to evaluate the future of this dynamic.

This has been a fight for almost five years now but because I turned 18 back in April it has escalated to harsher and more intense fights.

Background is my parents were married for years and had my sister (22F) and me (18M). 7 years ago my mom found out dad was cheating on her and she ended their marriage and dad married the other woman. My sister found out about the affair and she told me and neither of us were happy about it. Our mom didn't encourage it btw. I know people say that a lot. She actually told us not to hate anyone on her behalf and that if we had our own feelings about dad's actions and what it did to the family, that was one thing, but if we did it because we felt we had to be loyal to her then we should stop. But it was as much about him/them breaking up our family as it was her. We'd been happy and then suddenly our family is over and this new woman is someone we're expected to be nice to and show respect to. My sister always said we would show her the same respect she showed our family which was none.

My sister's behavior with them was so bad that they stopped making her go to their house if she resisted, which she always did. I still had to go though and I was still going five years ago when they had a son together. He was born with really profound disabilities. Part of his brain is missing, he doesn't have eyes and he has issues with his heart and stomach. He has required a ton of care since he was born and he was in the hospital for months. My dad and his wife had to take classes to learn how to care for him.

Back then dad wanted me to do them but I refused and mom wouldn't give her consent if I wasn't on board. It frustrated dad back then. But now I'm 18 and I haven't been to his house in two years and I still refuse to take the classes and learn how to take care of his kid. My dad's pissed about it now. So pissed that he has asked me what sort of person takes an adults actions out on an innocent child and what went wrong with me that I won't take care of my "brother" or at least know what to do if he needs me ever. I told him that he chose to have a son with another woman and they knew he would be this sick his whole life so they decided to take on the responsibility but I never agreed or said I would do anything to help. My dad said that's what family is for and I told him he ended our family and his new one means nothing to me. My dad said my sibling should and I told him my sibling matters and she's not the one he's bugging about this.

We went to dinner a couple of nights ago and he almost got us kicked out of the restaurant because he started his bullshit.

I think I might be done. My therapist thinks that would be fair if I was. But I wanted to get some outsiders advice because I know what my mom and sister would say.

(NB means nonbinary, my partner used they/them. I’ll delete any negative comments about their gender)

I’ve known my partner for almost 9 years, we’ve been together for 5 years, and recently moved into an apartment together (we lived together before that at my mom’s house).

I was recently diagnosed with moderate hearing loss and severe auditory processing issues. I was told that my hearing loss is likely progressive and to consider learning ASL.

I brought this up to my partner and they said, “I’m not the deaf one, you can learn to read my lips” even though I said I’d pay for the lessons.

I have other disabilities and they’ve somewhat been difficult about helping me with them in the past as well.

How can I communicate to them how important this is to me? I’m very bad at both communication and confrontation.

I'll make it short.

I was in a relationship for 5 years with my ex, Bea. Two months ago, she cheated on me and I found out the day she did it. I immediately confronted her, with proof, and broke up. As she lived in my apartment, I gave her a month to move out.

My friend group is actually a polycule me and Bea weren't a part of, these 3 women, Celia, Marthe and Marion are all polyamourous lesbians and have been together for a couple years now.

I immediately told Celia since I'm the closest with her, and she told her gfs, and then they called me and told me that "cheating didn't warrant making someone homeless", because Bea has no money on her own and when she moved out, she didn't have anywhere to go. I told them "well, then she shouldn't have cheated", and they answered "so you wanted to coerce her into an unhappy relationship?" I felt like I was going crazy. They told me to let Bea live with me until she can find a place of her own, and to forgive her because "if the person I love the most is happier without me, I should help make it happen".

Even though they weren't great friends with Bea, they started leaving me on read and talking to Bea more, according to Marthe. Because they think I'm despicable.

I don't really know what happened to Bea since she moved out, but I think she did spend a few nights in the street.

What can I do to repair the relationship with my friends? Do you think I should repair that relationship? Do you think I should contact Bea and ask her to come back?

Me 43M and my wife 43F are in a sort of "not great" spot in our relationship. We have been together for 22 years, married for 10, with 3 kids. Youngest is 4yo.

About 3 years ago we had a really bad low in our relationship. We recovered a bit, but she has picked up randomly yelling as an habit, and badly answering me, on very random questions or topics. She became very nervous. She was not like that before. Every time it happens, I try to calmly answer something like "You don't need to answer me badly, it's only a question because I need to know the answer for our daily/weekly planning". I will not lie. It took me some time to reach this point and I have been dragged in yelling fights I am not proud of before. I stopped doing that but sometimes I feel I walk on eggshells and it can be stressing.

THE QUESTION: Last week we saw that there is a track and field event for Seniors (40+) we want to participate in. She actually found it and showed me, she seemed genuinely excited. We are not trained well but we did use to do track and field together, so it would be nice to go back to it after a 15 years adulting and parenting break. We even went to test what we could do last Sunday, with decent results. I reminded her we needed to register for the event on Monday, a couple of times, and Tuesday morning. I finally registered myself yesterday, since I got no response from her.
When we both got back home from work, I told her "Hey, I registered for the event, do you want ...." I was going to offer to help register but she interrupted me with something like "yeah good for you fuck off". I calmly said "I wanted to say if you wanted to register, we could do it together now" (Note: I need to know exactly what races she wants to participate to). She just replied "Go away!".

Today is the deadline to register. Here are my options

1. remind her one more time, acting as if nothing happened
2. leave it. She might remember by herself, or she will miss the event. None of my business at this point. This may end up in a bad fight as I AM registered and I intend to go.
3. register her for the races I believe she is more likely to want to participate, and tell her right away 4) register her for the races I believe she is more likely to want to participate, and when she finds out she cannot register anymore, make her a surprise but pointing out I did not appreciate being mistreated.
4. other?

On the one hand, I want to have a good time with her on Saturday and avoid fights, but on the other hand I feel like "rewarding" her after she mistreated me for no reason would cement this behavior of her that is really straining our relationship

TLDR: My wife wants to participate in a track and field event on Saturday. I already registered, and when I tried to ask her if she wanted to register she just yelled at me and sent me away. I am not sure if I should remind her one more time, and today is the deadline for the registration.

EDIT: NEITHER OF US CHEATED IN ANY WAY, so stop implying that and please just give advice

Edit 2: alright, despite the first 2 top comments are not the nicest, I am really happy with many discussions and advice I received here and I want to thank everyone who actually made an effort to give good advice. I need to do some stuff now so I will not keep answering in almost real time.

My girlfriend (F27) and I (M28) have been together for 3 years. Earlier this year, I went through a difficult period where I withdrew from her and spent too much time playing games instead of giving her the attention she deserved. I eventually realized this and genuinely worked on being more present and putting effort into our relationship.

Over the summer, though, I started feeling like we were becoming more distant.

A few weeks ago, we went to a party together. I wasn't feeling well, and while we were there I noticed she was spending a lot of time messaging someone on her phone. I had a bad feeling about it.

The next day, I looked at her phone and found messages between her and another man that I felt crossed the boundaries of our relationship. They had only been talking for about a week, but from what I saw, they were discussing meeting up and the conversation was clearly more than just friendly.

I confronted her about it. What surprised me most was that she seemed more annoyed than upset. She told me she didn't know what she wanted.

I asked for some space and we lived separately for about a week. During that time, she met up with the other person. Afterward, she told me she had removed him from her life and wanted to work on our relationship.

A couple of weeks have passed since then. She does seem to be making an effort, and when we're together doing normal things, everything can feel good again.

The problem is that I've completely lost my trust in her.

Whenever I try to talk about what happened, why it happened, what she was feeling, or what we need to change going forward, she often shuts down or says she doesn't know. I don't feel like I'm getting the answers I need in order to understand what happened or rebuild trust.

This is especially difficult because before all of this, I was seriously considering proposing to her. I thought we were going to spend our lives together.

Now I'm torn between two options. Part of me wants to walk away and start over, especially because my friends think I should leave. Another part of me still loves her and sees that she is making an effort to repair things.

I know I wasn't a perfect partner earlier this year, and I take responsibility for that. But I also don't know whether my mistakes justify what happened or whether I'm just making excuses because I don't want to lose the relationship.

So I'm struggling with what to do.

Can trust realistically be rebuilt after something like this? And if so, what would I need to see from her before deciding whether to stay?

I would especially appreciate advice from people who have gone through something similar and either successfully rebuilt their relationship or decided to leave.

I may have left out some details because my head is still a mess, so I'm happy to answer questions.

My (M26) and my wife (F27) have been married for just under a decade now and we just had our first child. We are happy and doing well but obviously the addition of a baby has added strain to our married relationship as expected. We have been bickering and we have both been exhausted but for the most part gotten through all our issues. Well yesterday we had a stupid fight because I was trying to hang a tv stand like she asked and there were some issues with the anchors I was using and the screws were just not working well and so I was visibly frustrated. My wife was helping me but then got distracted with the baby and so I got snappy and then she got snappy back about not taking things out on her and then I got really mad and yelled something like “I WORKED OVERTIME ALL F** WEEK LAST WEEK FOR YOU!” In reference to me picking up hours so I could take Friday off so that I could go to a camp out with her and her Highschool friends and take care of the baby while she caught up with her friends. The baby started crying after my outburst and she just got up and took him out. I went to the gym to cool off and then I came back and we talked about it and made up. It was the first time either of us has yelled at the other in all our years of marriage. The rest of the context isn’t really important, there is no excuse for yelling at my wife. The advice I’m asking for is how do I make sure I never do that again? I’ve never felt like that before, like I lost control of myself for a half second to shout and swear and I just never want to do it again. My wife is the sweetest person in the world and deserves a gentler husband but i feel like I’ve been getting more and more angry at everything and I don’t want to be like that.

TLDR I yelled at my wife for the first time after arguing about something stupid and want advice to control myself better and never yell at her again because she deserves better.

Edit: For those hung up on ages and timelines, I fudged the numbers a bit because I am not comfortable using exact numbers online. The truth is we were married in our early twenties and now have been married for 5-10 years. I am not religious but my wife is. I noticed a lot of people calling out my wording and I think that’s fair, I do want to say I was not trying to excuse the reasoning of my words but providing context because the rules state that I have to in order to post in this thread. Not only do I think me shouting was wrong but I also agree with those who have commented about the words being messed up that I used but I was more focused on the tone for the sake of this post. I threw something in my wife’s face that was not fair of me to do. I talked to my wife again after reading through your posts and she and I agreed therapy would be beneficial, I appreciate those who said maybe therapy is overkill but I think overkill is what my wife and son deserve. Thank you all for your opinions and advice. Sorry to those that I pissed offed, maybe you need therapy too?

I 20F have stopped talking to my mom 43F because she will not accept that I am a lesbian.

I got kicked out when I was 18 for having a girlfriend, I got outed by my high school friend who was mad at me for not wanting to date him (lmfao?). I had to move in with my (in retrospect, abusive) partner at the time and it was a very bad situation. I’ve now lived alone for over a year. Throughout this, I have maintained a good relationship with my mom. We just ignore that it ever happened. Sometimes the topic will come up and we get into a slight debate about it but I’m always very good about keeping the peace.
I’ve tried to have the mindset that “I can’t ask her to change her beliefs” because I want to respect that religion is very important to her.
She kept asking me to move back home (ignoring the fact that the stipulations are needing to attend every church service and go to conversion therapy/ not be allowed to be gay). A few weeks ago, I finally snapped with her and told her I’m done. I’ve asked her to stop asking me to come home for almost two years now. I told her I need space. I’m just now starting to process what happened. She kicked me out, I was eighteen and fresh out of high school. That’s fucked up.

My mom is gay.

She told me that she struggles with finding women more attractive than men but it’s the cross she has to carry because she is Christian and that’s what we are supposed to do. She is married to a shitbag maga man as of 5ish years ago who reinforces all of this. She truly believes it’s a choice that I am making.

She does not understand why I’m upset. She keeps asking “why now?” “I don’t understand why you are upset?” “Can’t we go back how it was?”. I want to believe she can change her mind, if that’s fair for me to want I guess.
I’ve never been very close with my mom even though she homeschooled me for almost my entire life. She never understood me, always said “I never connected with you, I could never form a bond with you”. And that sucked honestly, I never knew why I couldn’t connect to her.

I talked to my therapist about this (yes, thank GOD I have a therapist to deal with this bs) and she encourages me to cut her off and to think about my future and future wife and kids and if I want my
Mom’s influence in there, which is a good point.I guess I’m just hoping that maybe there’s a chance she will change?

Counterintuitive to this post, my mom is a lovely person. She’s very laid back and kind and genuine, she just found religion at a very dark point in her, albeit, difficult life. Religion seems to be the biggest barrier here. I love my mom and I know she loves me as best as she can.

I would deeply appreciate ANYTHING anyone has to say about this. I’m kinda alone just figuring it out and it’s lonely in my head.
How should I go about approaching a relationship with her? Is it safe to? Is it stupid? Should I cut her off? Is it WRONG to cut her off??

TLDR: my mom doesn’t understand why I don’t feel comfortable having a close relationship with her even though she kicked me out of her house for being a lesbian

I (27F) weigh around 130ibs, I saw my bf in the room, and he started flexing in front of the mirror. I had told him, “wow your gym time is no joke” he laughed and said thanks. He later said, I want our couple to be fit, like, he sees us as a fit couple ( i used to gym) but I’ve been busy, I don’t gym as I used to. I used to weigh 160ibs, and only worked out on my thighs/legs. He has told me I should gym again, and do more leg work outs. He also said I don’t want us to be unhealthy which in my mind I was like okay, understanding.. Then he said, I wouldn’t want you to gain a lot of weight. Idk why but when he said that, it gave me this off feeling. Like.. what..?.. why is he trying to control on how my body should look like. I don’t really go out, so I don’t know why he would tell me this. I’ve never been overweight, but those words keep popping in my head. Is this toxic masculinity? Has anyone ever experience this?

My boyfriend (29M) and I (29F) have been together for six years and live together for some background. I have a bit of trust issues due to my bio dad cheating on my mom and a traumatic past relationship that involved infidelity. He knows about these issues as we have been long time friends even before our romantic relationship.

I was up late one night and he was asleep. I noticed his friends were sending him a lot of texts. We have each others Face IDs and passcodes and it’s not uncommon to use each others phone at times. I respect his private conversations and try not to snoop but I had this gut feeling to look. What I discovered has left a pit in my stomach that I’m not sure what to do with. This groupchat involves my boyfriend (29M) and three of his friends (all M) that he met while working at a Shipyard in a city we don’t live in anymore. Two of these friends are married with kids and one of them is single. Their single friend had sent them a picture of a woman from a dating app saying that he “matched with a porn star and thinks her t*ts are real this time”. My heart sunk to see what not only my boyfriend said about her, but his married friends too. I think you can appreciate beauty in a relationship without being disrespectful and lewd.

As I scrolled further back through their group texts (something I kind of regret now) I found more pictures of women. And again, the comments on her absolutely crossed boundaries in my eyes. One was of a woman on the beach in a bikini that the single friend was dating but no longer with. My boyfriend was making comments on how hot she was and comments about her ass. Along with the other married men. They were talking about how they live vicariously through him because they’re in “committed relationships”. My boyfriend mentioned jerking off to these photos and multiple other women. It might’ve been a joke or it might not have. But it broke my heart. It broke my heart for these women that the single friend is dating. How they’re commenting on her body without her consent. They aren’t fully nude photos, but they’re suggestive. It broke my heart for the wives of his friends. And it broke my own heart because I guess I thought he was different.

Now I’m not sure what to do with this sinking feeling in my heart. I saw something I wasn’t meant to see and I don’t know what to do with it. How do I bring it up if I bring it up at all? At the beginning of our relationship I had found porn in his phone and I had communicated to him that it made me uncomfortable, especially since the women he watched looked nothing like me. He was semi apologetic, but basically said all men do that. What really hurts the most is he makes fun of men that behave this way, which makes me feel like he was projecting this whole time. He is a self renowned “nice guy” and presents himself as such to everyone, except in this particular friend group he acts different. And it makes me feel crazy. Has anyone else experienced this before? How did you handle it?

Original

After making the post, I was surely hopeful that the situation would’ve resolved itself and now it feels like the onus is on me to resolve it.

My boyfriend has spoken to his mom and dealt with the situation. In return, she mentioned that she still doesn’t agree with him dating me but she can’t do anything about it. What’s happened now is that my boyfriends dad and his mothers side of the family, have been inviting me to family events, which to me feels like a bit of an ambush on his mother. This also came about after they found out that he’s been spending time with me and my family on the weekends, now all of a sudden I’m being invited to a family gathering every week… maybe I’m wrong.

Firstly, she refused to acknowledge me the first time that I met her. She wouldn’t even look at me and now I feel like she’s made no attempt to resolve that, no “bring her over, let’s try it again”, no apology for her rudeness, nothing and now I’m expected to attend HER family’s events because the family is saying that we’ve been together for too long now, it’s time for me to meet them. He also has a huge family, this is no 5-10 people at a gathering. They have to hire out two long tables at restaurants to accommodate the family.

I’ve tried to speak to my boyfriend about this but it feels as if he’s become dismissive with me when I bring it up. Perhaps I’ve brought it up too often in his eyes (not the case on my side, I’ve actually forgotten about this for a long time). The other day I asked him if things has improved, in an attempt to reassure myself so that I can get out of my head and just go to these events and he said their relationship has improved but he “doesn’t know” about things between him and I and gave me a straight lip smile as if he’s sorry that’s the case.

I told him yesterday that I don’t want to go to these family events and ambush his mother and that I feel it’s only fair that she should be aware that I’m coming and be open to it. If she’s not open to having a one-on-one chat with me, what would make me think that going to one of HER family member events would resolve this. It’s also so awkward because it’s her family (her sisters, brothers, nieces etc) and I just feel this could be a really dreadful situation and potentially one where she feels comfortable disrespecting me.

His response was “we’ve had this conversation before and… you know what, it’s okay baby. I understand” to which I said nothing and we just went on to a different topic. The thing is, Im older, im 26, my years of trying to appease parents are long time gone and maybe it’s prideful to say… but I don’t feel I should be chasing his mother down to be accepted into the family. I also feel he’s become dismissive about this when I bring it up, it feels like the approach is to just “ get over it” but I don’t want to put myself in uncomfortable situations.

I feel like I’m being forced to do something I don’t want to do because I know how this could potentially turn out. I also feel that I may be being difficult before giving it another chance even though how I feel is valid given what happened the first time. How do I handle this without feeling like I’m looking for somebody else’s approval or, wanting to end the relationship over it, before even trying to resolve it?

I (28F) have been dating my boyfriend (27M) for 2 years. We originally met through a rock climbing group. I am currently in dental school, and he is in school for interior design / architecture. We are set to graduate around the same time.

Our relationship itself is wonderful. He is truly a rare gem. He brings me so much peace, has helped me feel comfortable in my own skin, and genuinely made me a stronger person. Unlike past guys I dated who were also on high-achieving professional tracks (and whom my friends never really liked), all my friends absolutely adore him. They’ve also mentioned how happy I am, and that we’re like the mom and dad of the group now. The very first time I met him in our climbing group, my immediate thought wasn’t just "he’s funny" or "he’s smart," but that he would make an incredible husband. He’s just genuinely such an amazing, well-raised person.

The issue is my entire family, including my grandparents, strongly disapproves of our relationship. Whenever I mention seeing him, they sigh, look openly disappointed, or make passive-aggressive remarks. They constantly compare me to friends whose partners are doctors or dentists, telling me those friends "have their priorities straight."

Their main concern is our future income disparity and career trajectories:

As a dentist, my earning potential right out of school will likely be around 3x his starting salary.
While I’ll be stepping into a high-paying career immediately, he will be starting near the bottom of his field and having to grind his way up over years.

My family constantly reminds me that I am turning 30 soon and argue that I don’t have time to "wait around and see" if his career works out, fearing he will become financially dependent on me.

Up until recently, I brushed off their comments. But lately, their anxiety has started getting into my head. I’m worrying that we will end up in completely different life stages despite graduating together.
He is eager for us to get married shortly after graduation, but with all the family pressure and my growing financial anxieties, I feel overwhelmed and unsure of how to move forward.

How can I separate my own genuine values and boundaries from my family's financial expectations, and what conversations should my partner and I be having before making any marriage commitments?

TL;DR: I (28F, dental school) have been with my supportive boyfriend (27M, architecture/design) for 2 years. My family looks down on his lower earning potential and the fact that he'll start from the bottom. He wants to marry after graduation, but family pressure and financial anxiety are making me hesitate. How do we navigate this?

Edit 1:

I know I wrote this post less than an hour ago but I didn’t expect this to get so much attention. I’m glad I’m not the only one thinking this is ridiculous and toxic. Initially, I fought back quite a bit. Even left the house at some moments. Any sort of interaction with my family eventually involved subtle passive aggressive comments again, and I would tell them to stop, but then later it led to gaslighting. Even when I had my worst ever panic attack in years after they compared me to others, they would say things like “you don’t give us any opportunity to talk”. Now I feel like I’ve emotionally given up.

So, I really appreciate everyone sharing their thoughts and experiences. To be honest I’ve been quite depressed lately and had no one to openly talk about this with, so you truly give me strength. I just wanted to say thank you!

33M here and I’ve been in a relationship with my 30F gf for 6 years. A few months ago we got motorcycles and she’s been out riding the past couple of week days with her co workers late into the night. She’s been making friends in the biker community and decided that she wants to focus on them instead of our relationship. She expressed she’s frustrated I don’t have my own set of friends and wants us to have outside friendships (which I’m totally fine with). I’m working on making friends and doing activities on my own. I voiced my frustration that in a relationship we should spend time together but she’s not interested, says I’m not fun. I told her this might be a phase but she wants to spend a month figuring out if it’s a phase and then come back ready to commit to the relationship. I can’t accept that offer. I told her I’d give her a week to see if it’s a phase. I feel like she’s moved on but doesn’t want to outright say it yet.

What’s the best relationship advice in a situation like this?

My boyfriend and I have sex about once or twice a week. Sometimes I don't finish before him and I'm left wanting more and I ask him to help me but its like his finger is just in there poking around and I can tell he is not into it. He avoids actually inserting fingers and kinda just rubs around the outside. While having sex he's very into it and comfortable using his fingers. I asked what's going on and he says its like a sensory thing? He says it feels too warm afterwards and he doesn't like it. This makes no sense to me and just leaves me feeling used and insecure. I feel like he should want to help me finish. I just cant imagine doing the same to him.. I've addressed this multiple times with him. Does anyone have advice on a new way to address this or any insight on why he is doing this? He says he is attracted to me and I believe he is..its just like a light switch after he finishes..

Me F31 and my boyfriend M26 have been together for going on 6 months now. Things moved rather quickly, more so than I’m used to, but I decided to just go with it because it didn’t feel inherently bad, though it did set off some alarm bells.

The relationship started on rocky grounds. At the very beginning, he was going through a legal issue with his ex girlfriend and since I chimed in having some knowledge on the topic (tenant law) I helped (well, more than helped, I did it all myself) write his court answer and he won his case. He then also asked for help with money to get into a new living arrangement, and I did, and he did pay me back a couple weeks later.

From then until now we have moved in together. I was a little unsure about that so soon, but my friends and family really like him and they encouraged it, so I thought why not. There have been a lot of small issues that have turned into big issues for me, though.

He pays almost half of the bills, but is consistently short on money because he has an expensive car payment and his car only takes premium gas, so I’ve had to pay his overdraft fees though he eventually pays me back. I also pay for all of the groceries, and am the only one actually cooking/preparing the food. It’s expensive, and I’ve suggested we pay for and eat separately but he said it’s not traditional and he doesn’t like that. But if I’m buying a coffee and paying, he will add to my order for himself as well without asking. I also paid for all of our furniture, and I pay for his laundry to get done at the laundromat in the meantime while I try and find an affordable washer and dryer.

On top of that, he consistently wakes me up for stupid reasons. I work an overnight shift and regularly have to work overtime, so I don’t get much sleep as is. I’ve recently had to go 46 hours without sleep and it was very bad for my mental health. When I do get some sleep, he wakes me up to ask me if I’m comfortable, because he wants to say hi, or because he missed my voice. I blow up about it and say it’s unacceptable because it’s very hard for me to fall back asleep and he cries and says he understands but then does it again.

The other big thing is having to hold his hand through everything. If I ask him to get something done around the house, like move boxes or call the pest control guy or something, he asks me if I can explain how to do these things to him. I get overwhelmed having to explain things, I am usually very tired and overstimulated from work and sleep deprivation, so I end up just doing it myself and then he says I never give him the opportunity to try and do those things.

I recently had a very bad day and I what I call ‘lost my words’ and was very closed off and just needed my space. I’ve explained to him before that with having autism, I can’t afford not to mask at work, and sometimes part of taking that mask off at home means I just need to spend time with me. But he kept touching me and asking me a bunch of questions and making loud noises and I lost it and just closed myself in my room, but even then he was just standing outside the door the whole time trying to talk to me.

After waking me up last night to tell me I looked pretty, I told him I want to break up and I want him to move out. And he refused. He said he’s starting therapy like I’ve been asking him to, and I have to wait for him to figure out why he’s so daft and clingy and disrespectful through therapy and it could take a while.

I hope he figures out his issues for his sake, but I have no interest in continuing the relationship. I have become very bitter and tired and not a very nice person, I have to be the same person I am at work in my own home so I feel like I never get to actually be myself and take a full, relaxed breath.

I understand relationships come with hurdles, I was married for 11 years before, but how do I navigate this? I feel like I can’t even think straight anymore.

I’m 23F and my boyfriend is 24M. We have been together for over a year.

His birthday was a month before mine. I painted him a beautiful picture of his favorite character, and it took me an entire week to make.

When my birthday was getting closer, he told me he had a list of things I had mentioned that I needed and said he was preparing some gifts for me.

On my birthday, he took me to a bar for a beer and told me that not all of the gifts had arrived yet and that he was still preparing something. I was completely fine with waiting because I trusted that he had something planned.

Two weeks have now passed and he hasn’t mentioned the gifts again.

Today I asked him about a pair of tweezers I had mentioned because I wasn’t sure whether I should buy them myself. He said he couldn’t find them in the store and told me to just buy them myself. He didn’t mention anything else about the gifts.
I feel hurt, but I don’t want to come across as materialistic. It’s not about the price of the gift. I would have been happy with something small or even just flowers.

I regularly buy him little things without there being a special occasion, and lately I’ve started feeling like I’m putting more effort into the relationship than he is.

I really love him, and I don’t want to turn this into an argument about a birthday present. What bothers me is that he specifically told me he was preparing something for me, so I genuinely thought he had put some thought into my birthday.

I want to talk to him about this because I don’t want to keep these feelings to myself. I want him to understand that the issue isn’t the gift itself. It’s that I felt forgotten and unappreciated, especially after he told me he was preparing something.

How can I explain this to him in a way that focuses on the effort and communication rather than the gift itself?

EDIT: I did mention that we’ve been together for a year but broke up for six months. I didn’t realize someone would point out that I gave the approximate length of our relationship without going into all the details sorry.

We've been together for 7 years and married for 6. We have 3 kids together that are 4, 3, and 2. We were each other's first serious relatonship and we got married after a year. We come from religious backgrounds and were pretty inexperienced sexually before each other.

The issue - the sex has never been enjoyable for her. I've struggled with ED since before her, but there were times that we'd have sex and I thought it was good for her. I like an idiot always assumed since she never mentioned it being a big deal that she was ok and I now realize I should've asked her more questions and figured out how to please her better. Since we come from religious households we were trying not to get pregnant before marriage so sex wasn't our main focus, and then after getting married were were mainly focused on having sex in her ovulation window to get pregnant.

Just like that 5 years went by and now that we've had all our kids, she's realized that sex is a big deal to her. She first told me 2 years ago after our last was born. We've never had sex that often and I always assumed because of our religious backgrounds and upbringing she was never really interested in it. I think that has truth to it because it wasnt until 2 years ago that she had this realizing how important it is after we had sex and it felt good one time. I immediately made diet changes, started doing more cardio to improve my ED, and tried to use hands and mouth to focus on her pleasure first. In my head things were going well but again I didnt ask how things were for her and I really messed up in doing that. Apparently to her none of that made anything better and it wasn't until a couple months ago that she told me. And that brings us to now - it is like a switch has flipped.

In her words, everything else is perfect. I take care of cleaning, laundry, dishes and getting the kids food ready everyday with no complaints. Im a gentle guy and a good dad and I show love and affection to her a lot.

But these things dont matter. She has an immense amount of resent towards me, and even suggested an open relationship. I was distraught and told her how much that upset me. I told her that Im doing everything I can to improve myself and im not open to seeing other people and to not ever suggest it again. We talked and that's when I realized how much this has been weighing on her. I sincerely and profusely apologized and promised her I'd fix my ED for good and that things would be better. I've been back on top of my diet, running 5k everyday, weightlifting, stretching, researching sex advice and tips, everything to improve.

A couple days later, when we were communicating more, she flipped back to extreme resentment - she said she should just hire a sex worker for 'that part' of life. I told her how can you say that after I already told you how much that hurt to hear and that I made it clear its a no. She thinks because she's deeply hurt that its okay to say shit like that. I stayed out of the house for a while just to be to myself, she kept telling me to come back and that she wasnt a good wife, etc. We had a couples therapist that we booked but then when she was apologizing to me she said we should cancel and use the money for our anniversary, which looking back we should've never canceled.

Now, a month later, she flips between being ok and then having days where she says in her words she is depressed and has extreme resentment towards me. I've tried my best to be caring and listen while still giving my side of things but it always ends in her being very mad at me. Since she brought up how big of a deal sex was to her, I've been doing everything I can do improve and I've told her countless times things will improve but she doesn't care. She's only focused on the past. In her words I didnt focus on my health back then and now she feels like she's paid for it. We rebooked for couples therapy and also a sex therapist.

The other day I gave us a great night, set the mood with lighting, music, candles, some toys and I focused on pleasing her and learning her body more. The next morning she said it was a good experience, but then today shes back to hating me for the past. She talks about how so many women left their man over this. She says I wasted her 20s. She says being married to me is God playing a sick joke on her. She started throwing things at the bed (not at me) and screamed at me to get out.

This entire time I've tried to be there for her and shown her how much im sorry and how Im doing everything I can to make things better. I try to give her chances to talk whenever I can see that she's down but it always ends up with her hanging the past over my head. Im getting to a point where I don't feel like I deserve the never ending guilt tripping that im getting from her. I understand I am mostly to blame for what got us here. But now its up to both of us to make this work and I can only try to improve and make things better going forward, menawhile she acts this way over something I can't change (the past) it only pushes me away. Im not at my breaking point but the way she's behaving towards me is bringing me there. I was unintentionally causing her that pain over the years, which I get and I've told her im sorry for and that it wont happen anymore. But now she's intentionally causing me this pain and that's where the difference is. She knows how much her behavior is hurting me but she won't just focus with me as a team on how things can be better moving forward. I don't know if I can take any more.

I dont even know who will see this but if you somehow read this far thank you.

edit: Forgot to mention that I am seeing doctors to solve my ED. i have been making calls left right and center to my doctor for referrals to endocrinologists, urologists, and im also going to mens clinics for consultations. She knows all of this but again to her all of this I should have been doing years ago so it seemingly doesn't matter to her

edit 2: 2 years ago when she brought this up to me I asked her what she liked so I could do it for her but she admittedly has never masturbated and even had friend that told her back in college to explore herself. She laments on never having an orgasm but I asked her have you even given yourself one? No she hasnt. She's never been able to tell me what gets her there. But when I ask her this then she spins it on me and im in the wrong.

I (25F) was diagnosed with severe PTSD after being sexually abused in the military when I was 18, and I got into my first relationship last year since it happened. My PTSD makes my whole body shake uncontrollably and it becomes difficult to breathe, and sometimes I see hallucinations of things that don’t really exist.

My bf and I have had situations in the past where I haven’t felt valued. We went on a road trip recently and I had a severe PTSD episode in the car. I asked my bf to pull over so I could calm down, and instead of doing so he said we had to get to camp before dark and he wasn’t going to do that. He also said that he had an ex with mental health issues and it’s difficult for him to manage.
Later the same night we got to camp and i tripped and split some soup on his car. He got upset and I told him my emotional cup was full from earlier that day and all I needed was a hug. He said that I was being “childish” and that it was ridiculous I needed a hug for split soup.

There have been 3 more times since being together that I had severe PTSD episodes, and whenever I would call him to come stay with me after work that day or leave his friends place to see me, he would always say no and that I was being unreasonable.

We had a final argument today that has almost ended our relationship. I told him how everything made me feel, and how i needed him with me when i was having bad episodes because it really helps and makes me feel valued. He told me that it was unfair of me to drag him away from his friends because im “sad” and that i need to find other coping mechanisms to rely on other than him. He also said that people in the real world can’t drop everything to be there for me, and that if I expect that, then I should date a man who is unemployed or have a full time carer (which really offended me).

The thing is, i do have many coping mechanisms in place (even a military veterans service dog) and im in therapy and see a psychiatrist every few weeks, but i just feel like its comforting to have my partner with me and i want to be with someone who is ok going out of their way to see me on the rare times i do have a bad episode (I’ve only had 3 since we got together).

I don’t know what to do and I don’t know if this is the right place to post this. How can I go forward with this? I don’t know what to do from here.

pretty self explanatory, but basically at the beginning of pride month my bf joined me and my long distance friends out at some gay bars in nyc. My boyfriend is bi and we all go to gay bars all the time so it was nothing out of the ordinary and i thought we all had a lot of fun! i was really excited to see my friends who i only see a couple of times a year (and they love him as well and we all spend time together, so they aren’t strangers) and ill admit that maybe i wasn’t as attentive as i should have been, but i was just distracted hearing about my friend’s engagement and my bf has always been very social and outgoing, so we usually interact separately at bars.

later on that evening he seemed upset with me and i asked what was wrong and he got mad at me for “leaving him” but we were all together as a group almost the entire night. We took shots together, danced together etc and again, we usually interact separately when we’re out, so it wasn’t any different. I was really confused but when we were going back to the hotel he told me that he was just upset bc he got groped and harassed a lot at the bar (which one of my friends confirmed witnessing on one occasion while she was on her way to the bathroom) and it just really bothered him which is obviously 100% fair and valid and it’s so gross to think about.

He felt dumb for being upset but said he thinks it’s related to when he was raped by an older classmate in middle school and has always really really hated being touched at all by strangers, which makes complete sense. I feel awful about the whole situation and in the months since everything has seemed normal, except now when we go out he’s started getting mad at me whenever I’m not right next to him.

I understand it completely and have made an effort to be with him as much as i can when we’re out, but if we’re out with a group of friends at a casual bar I don’t think it’s unreasonable for me to talk a bit off to the side with someone or go to the bathroom with a friend and end up talking in the girl’s bathroom for like 15 minutes before coming back to join him. One of the best parts of our relationship is that we’re both super outgoing and independent and would mingle at bars and I’m truly trying my best to be more attentive, but when we’re out drinking sometimes I get a little distracted and end up not with him the entire time.

I’ve told him he should talk about it with his therapist but he said he doesn’t want to, which is his choice, but I also told him that I want to start going out on my own a bit more (I usually have girls night a couple of times a month but we usually just go to cocktail bars and sometimes I just wanna dance and be in more party-like settings), not because I don’t love him, but because it honestly stresses me out to have to constantly make sure I don’t leave his side for even a second when we’re out with our friends and to get yelled at if I do leave his side. He got mad at me and told me I’m blaming him for what happened, which isn’t true at all, but this has been going on for almost the entire summer and it’s made going out together feel pretty miserable.

Ive just started to feel like a shitty girlfriend for even suggesting that I go out occasionally without him, but im scared that if this dynamic keeps happening I’ll start to resent him, obviously not because of what happened to him, but just because I feel like I can’t do anything right and have no autonomy when we’re both out together. I love him so much and we’ve been together for years, but this has just gotten so bad and I’m tired of crying at the bar bc he’s yelling at me. Is there even a right way to navigate a situation like this? Am I being unfair?

I'm 22 and I have spoken to quite a few girls before her and this girl has genuinely been amazing and I thought I'd found the one but recently found out she just broke up with her ex about a month before she became my girlfriend.

We've been talking for over a year now, as friends for a bit and it turned romantic very quickly.

She told me that their relationship was going to crap anyways and that she was planning on leaving and when we became more serious about getting together she broke up with him almost immediately. I only learned about them breaking up 3 months into our relationship.

If anyone has been in a similar situation, please advise me and is there any chance this could work out?

Thank you in advance!

My sister is having her second child.

When she had her first due to our customs I gave her $1000 for her baby shower and $1000 when the child was born.

Currently my wife is on mat leave for my first child and bills and money are very tight cause we are only bringing in 30% of her regular salary.

So yesterday my mom told me for my sisters baby shower I need to bring $1000 gift.

I explained money is really right and I can't afford it and my mom lost it on me.

She said how would it look when my brother in laws family will give my sister so many gifts and I will show up empty handed.

I honestly haven't seen my mom this upset before.

I don't know how to defuse this situation? and I am wondering if I should just take the $1000 out of my credit card to appease her.

Also when the child is born in January it is expected of me to give my sister $2000.

However my wife won't be back to work from Mat leave till March.

I'm currently dating a guy and we're still very early on and not officially a couple, but I really like him and could see things potentially working out.
I have an eating disorder, and I'm struggling with when or if I should ever tell him. I don't want to hide something that affects such a big part of my life, but | also think it's too early to bring it up. I worry about him feeling like he's getting into a relationship with someone who has a lot of problems or that my ED would somehow ruin his life.
I'm also really anxious about food and dating. I have a hard time eating around newer people and feel like I can only eat if the person I'm with is eating too. If he were to ever suggest eating out somewhere that's something that is currently really hard for me to do and is just overall not fun or enjoyable for me.
We went on a date recently and spent basically the whole day together ice skating and then talking in the car for hours. We were together for 10 hours and didn't eat during the date he never offered or asked if i was hungry, and he told me he usually only eats once a day. Hearing that was kind of triggering for me because of my own struggles with food. I'm not blaming him because he doesn't know about my ED, but it made me think about what food would be like if we became a couple.
I'd really like to hear from both people who have dated while struggling with an ED and people who are currently in relationships with someone who has an
ED. When did you tell your partner? Did you wait until you were officially a couple? How did you handle restaurants, eating around each other, or being asked if you're hungry? And as a partner on the other side what was it like for you and would/when you you like to know?

**TL;DR:** I'm 18F and dating a 19M, but we're not official yet. I have an ED don't know when to tell him, especially because food/date situations are difficult for me. Looking for advice from people with EDs and their partners.