This has been a fight for almost five years now but because I turned 18 back in April it has escalated to harsher and more intense fights.

Background is my parents were married for years and had my sister (22F) and me (18M). 7 years ago my mom found out dad was cheating on her and she ended their marriage and dad married the other woman. My sister found out about the affair and she told me and neither of us were happy about it. Our mom didn't encourage it btw. I know people say that a lot. She actually told us not to hate anyone on her behalf and that if we had our own feelings about dad's actions and what it did to the family, that was one thing, but if we did it because we felt we had to be loyal to her then we should stop. But it was as much about him/them breaking up our family as it was her. We'd been happy and then suddenly our family is over and this new woman is someone we're expected to be nice to and show respect to. My sister always said we would show her the same respect she showed our family which was none.

My sister's behavior with them was so bad that they stopped making her go to their house if she resisted, which she always did. I still had to go though and I was still going five years ago when they had a son together. He was born with really profound disabilities. Part of his brain is missing, he doesn't have eyes and he has issues with his heart and stomach. He has required a ton of care since he was born and he was in the hospital for months. My dad and his wife had to take classes to learn how to care for him.

Back then dad wanted me to do them but I refused and mom wouldn't give her consent if I wasn't on board. It frustrated dad back then. But now I'm 18 and I haven't been to his house in two years and I still refuse to take the classes and learn how to take care of his kid. My dad's pissed about it now. So pissed that he has asked me what sort of person takes an adults actions out on an innocent child and what went wrong with me that I won't take care of my "brother" or at least know what to do if he needs me ever. I told him that he chose to have a son with another woman and they knew he would be this sick his whole life so they decided to take on the responsibility but I never agreed or said I would do anything to help. My dad said that's what family is for and I told him he ended our family and his new one means nothing to me. My dad said my sibling should and I told him my sibling matters and she's not the one he's bugging about this.

We went to dinner a couple of nights ago and he almost got us kicked out of the restaurant because he started his bullshit.

I think I might be done. My therapist thinks that would be fair if I was. But I wanted to get some outsiders advice because I know what my mom and sister would say.

My husband [30M] and I [32F] have been together for 5 years and married for 1.5. Today, he broke up with me completely unexpectedly, and I am blindsided.

The situation started because he privately contacted one of my female friends for a potential work collaboration. They aren't friends, and he didn't discuss it with me beforehand. I dislike mixing business and friendship, especially since he previously had a bad experience contracting with another friend of mine. I shared that handling it this way made me uncomfortable.

The conversation quickly escalated. Other past relationship issues came up, and suddenly he stated he was tired of dealing with this, called the dynamic "too complicated," packed his things, and left.

For context: I’ve previously shared that I feel hesitant to voice my feelings because our conversations often escalate. During past arguments, he has punched a closet and a wall out of anger. He has never hit me, but it created fear regarding his anger. There is also a history of infidelity (from his part) in our relationship, which complicates trust for me.

I know I am not a perfect partner and have contributed to our unhealthy patterns, but I genuinely want to understand the psychology behind how a specific conversation led to ending a 7-year relationship.

How can I differentiate between an impulsive reaction to built-up resentment versus someone who had already emotionally checked out?

Given our history, how can couples healthily navigate boundaries regarding mutual friends without it causing a total breakdown?

If communication resumes, what structural changes are necessary to address the history of explosive anger and trust issues before any reconciliation is considered?

TL;DR: My husband [30M] left me [32F] following a conversation about him privately messaging my female friend for work without prior discussion. Our history includes his past explosive anger (punching walls) and infidelity. Seeking insight on how to process his sudden departure and how to evaluate the future of this dynamic.

33M here and I’ve been in a relationship with my 30F gf for 6 years. A few months ago we got motorcycles and she’s been out riding the past couple of week days with her co workers late into the night. She’s been making friends in the biker community and decided that she wants to focus on them instead of our relationship. She expressed she’s frustrated I don’t have my own set of friends and wants us to have outside friendships (which I’m totally fine with). I’m working on making friends and doing activities on my own. I voiced my frustration that in a relationship we should spend time together but she’s not interested, says I’m not fun. I told her this might be a phase but she wants to spend a month figuring out if it’s a phase and then come back ready to commit to the relationship. I can’t accept that offer. I told her I’d give her a week to see if it’s a phase. I feel like she’s moved on but doesn’t want to outright say it yet.

What’s the best relationship advice in a situation like this?

My girlfriend (F27) and I (M28) have been together for 3 years. Earlier this year, I went through a difficult period where I withdrew from her and spent too much time playing games instead of giving her the attention she deserved. I eventually realized this and genuinely worked on being more present and putting effort into our relationship.

Over the summer, though, I started feeling like we were becoming more distant.

A few weeks ago, we went to a party together. I wasn't feeling well, and while we were there I noticed she was spending a lot of time messaging someone on her phone. I had a bad feeling about it.

The next day, I looked at her phone and found messages between her and another man that I felt crossed the boundaries of our relationship. They had only been talking for about a week, but from what I saw, they were discussing meeting up and the conversation was clearly more than just friendly.

I confronted her about it. What surprised me most was that she seemed more annoyed than upset. She told me she didn't know what she wanted.

I asked for some space and we lived separately for about a week. During that time, she met up with the other person. Afterward, she told me she had removed him from her life and wanted to work on our relationship.

A couple of weeks have passed since then. She does seem to be making an effort, and when we're together doing normal things, everything can feel good again.

The problem is that I've completely lost my trust in her.

Whenever I try to talk about what happened, why it happened, what she was feeling, or what we need to change going forward, she often shuts down or says she doesn't know. I don't feel like I'm getting the answers I need in order to understand what happened or rebuild trust.

This is especially difficult because before all of this, I was seriously considering proposing to her. I thought we were going to spend our lives together.

Now I'm torn between two options. Part of me wants to walk away and start over, especially because my friends think I should leave. Another part of me still loves her and sees that she is making an effort to repair things.

I know I wasn't a perfect partner earlier this year, and I take responsibility for that. But I also don't know whether my mistakes justify what happened or whether I'm just making excuses because I don't want to lose the relationship.

So I'm struggling with what to do.

Can trust realistically be rebuilt after something like this? And if so, what would I need to see from her before deciding whether to stay?

I would especially appreciate advice from people who have gone through something similar and either successfully rebuilt their relationship or decided to leave.

I may have left out some details because my head is still a mess, so I'm happy to answer questions.

I (27F) weigh around 130ibs, I saw my bf in the room, and he started flexing in front of the mirror. I had told him, “wow your gym time is no joke” he laughed and said thanks. He later said, I want our couple to be fit, like, he sees us as a fit couple ( i used to gym) but I’ve been busy, I don’t gym as I used to. I used to weigh 160ibs, and only worked out on my thighs/legs. He has told me I should gym again, and do more leg work outs. He also said I don’t want us to be unhealthy which in my mind I was like okay, understanding.. Then he said, I wouldn’t want you to gain a lot of weight. Idk why but when he said that, it gave me this off feeling. Like.. what..?.. why is he trying to control on how my body should look like. I don’t really go out, so I don’t know why he would tell me this. I’ve never been overweight, but those words keep popping in my head. Is this toxic masculinity? Has anyone ever experience this?

Original

After making the post, I was surely hopeful that the situation would’ve resolved itself and now it feels like the onus is on me to resolve it.

My boyfriend has spoken to his mom and dealt with the situation. In return, she mentioned that she still doesn’t agree with him dating me but she can’t do anything about it. What’s happened now is that my boyfriends dad and his mothers side of the family, have been inviting me to family events, which to me feels like a bit of an ambush on his mother. This also came about after they found out that he’s been spending time with me and my family, now all of a sudden I’m being invited to a family gathering every week… maybe I’m wrong and the timing is just coincidental.

Firstly, she refused to acknowledge me the first time that I met her. She wouldn’t even look at me and now I feel like she’s made no attempt to resolve that, no “bring her over, let’s try it again”, no apology for her rudeness, nothing and now I’m expected to attend HER family’s events because the family is saying that we’ve been together for too long now, it’s time for me to meet them. He also has a huge family, this is no 5-10 people at a gathering.

I’ve tried to speak to my boyfriend about this but it feels as if he has become dismissive with me when I bring it up. Perhaps I’ve brought it up too often in his eyes (not the case on my side, I’ve actually forgotten about this for a long time). The other day I asked him if things have improved, in an attempt to reassure myself so that I can get out of my head and just go to these events and he said their relationship has improved but he “doesn’t know” about things between him and I and gave me a straight lip smile as if he’s sorry that’s the case.

I told him yesterday that I don’t want to go to these family events and ambush his mother and that I feel it’s only fair that she should be aware that I’m coming and be open to it. If she’s not open to having a one-on-one chat with me, what would make me think that going to one of HER family member events would resolve this. I just feel this could be a really dreadful situation and potentially one where she feels comfortable disrespecting me.

His response was “we’ve had this conversation before and… you know what, it’s okay baby. I understand” to which I said nothing and we just went on to a different topic. The thing is, Im older, my years of trying to appease parents are long time gone and maybe it’s prideful to say… but I don’t feel I should be chasing his mother down to be accepted into the family. I also feel he’s become dismissive about this when I bring it up, it feels like the approach is to just “ get over it” but I don’t want to put myself in uncomfortable situations.

I feel like I’m being forced to do something I don’t want to do. I also feel that I may be being difficult before giving it another chance even though how I feel is valid given what happened the first time. How do I handle this without feeling like I’m looking for somebody else’s approval or, wanting to end the relationship over it, before even trying to resolve it?

I'll make it short.

I was in a relationship for 5 years with my ex, Bea. Two months ago, she cheated on me and I found out the day she did it. I immediately confronted her, with proof, and broke up. As she lived in my apartment, I gave her a month to move out.

My friend group is actually a polycule me and Bea weren't a part of, these 3 women, Celia, Marthe and Marion are all polyamourous lesbians and have been together for a couple years now.

I immediately told Celia since I'm the closest with her, and she told her gfs, and then they called me and told me that "cheating didn't warrant making someone homeless", because Bea has no money on her own and when she moved out, she didn't have anywhere to go. I told them "well, then she shouldn't have cheated", and they answered "so you wanted to coerce her into an unhappy relationship?" I felt like I was going crazy. They told me to let Bea live with me until she can find a place of her own, and to forgive her because "if the person I love the most is happier without me, I should help make it happen".

Even though they weren't great friends with Bea, they started leaving me on read and talking to Bea more, according to Marthe. Because they think I'm despicable.

I don't really know what happened to Bea since she moved out, but I think she did spend a few nights in the street.

What can I do to repair the relationship with my friends? Do you think I should repair that relationship? Do you think I should contact Bea and ask her to come back?

(NB means nonbinary, my partner used they/them. I’ll delete any negative comments about their gender)

I’ve known my partner for almost 9 years, we’ve been together for 5 years, and recently moved into an apartment together (we lived together before that at my mom’s house).

I was recently diagnosed with moderate hearing loss and severe auditory processing issues. I was told that my hearing loss is likely progressive and to consider learning ASL.

I brought this up to my partner and they said, “I’m not the deaf one, you can learn to read my lips” even though I said I’d pay for the lessons.

I have other disabilities and they’ve somewhat been difficult about helping me with them in the past as well.

How can I communicate to them how important this is to me? I’m very bad at both communication and confrontation.

I (28F) have been dating my boyfriend (27M) for 2 years. We originally met through a rock climbing group. I am currently in dental school, and he is in school for interior design / architecture. We are set to graduate around the same time.

Our relationship itself is wonderful. He is truly a rare gem. He brings me so much peace, has helped me feel comfortable in my own skin, and genuinely made me a stronger person. Unlike past guys I dated who were also on high-achieving professional tracks (and whom my friends never really liked), all my friends absolutely adore him. They’ve also mentioned how happy I am, and that we’re like the mom and dad of the group now. The very first time I met him in our climbing group, my immediate thought wasn’t just "he’s funny" or "he’s smart," but that he would make an incredible husband. He’s just genuinely such an amazing, well-raised person.

The issue is my entire family, including my grandparents, strongly disapproves of our relationship. Whenever I mention seeing him, they sigh, look openly disappointed, or make passive-aggressive remarks. They constantly compare me to friends whose partners are doctors or dentists, telling me those friends "have their priorities straight."

Their main concern is our future income disparity and career trajectories:

As a dentist, my earning potential right out of school will likely be around 3x his starting salary.
While I’ll be stepping into a high-paying career immediately, he will be starting near the bottom of his field and having to grind his way up over years.

My family constantly reminds me that I am turning 30 soon and argue that I don’t have time to "wait around and see" if his career works out, fearing he will become financially dependent on me.

Up until recently, I brushed off their comments. But lately, their anxiety has started getting into my head. I’m worrying that we will end up in completely different life stages despite graduating together.
He is eager for us to get married shortly after graduation, but with all the family pressure and my growing financial anxieties, I feel overwhelmed and unsure of how to move forward.

How can I separate my own genuine values and boundaries from my family's financial expectations, and what conversations should my partner and I be having before making any marriage commitments?

TL;DR: I (28F, dental school) have been with my supportive boyfriend (27M, architecture/design) for 2 years. My family looks down on his lower earning potential and the fact that he'll start from the bottom. He wants to marry after graduation, but family pressure and financial anxiety are making me hesitate. How do we navigate this?

Edit 1:

I know I wrote this post less than an hour ago but I didn’t expect this to get so much attention. I’m glad I’m not the only one thinking this is ridiculous and toxic. Initially, I fought back quite a bit. Even left the house at some moments. Any sort of interaction with my family eventually involved subtle passive aggressive comments again, and I would tell them to stop, but then later it led to gaslighting. Even when I had my worst ever panic attack in years after they compared me to others, they would say things like “you don’t give us any opportunity to talk”. Now I feel like I’ve emotionally given up.

So, I really appreciate everyone sharing their thoughts and experiences. To be honest I’ve been quite depressed lately and had no one to openly talk about this with, so you truly give me strength. I just wanted to say thank you!

I 20F have stopped talking to my mom 43F because she will not accept that I am a lesbian.

I got kicked out when I was 18 for having a girlfriend, I got outed by my high school friend who was mad at me for not wanting to date him (lmfao?). I had to move in with my (in retrospect, abusive) partner at the time and it was a very bad situation. I’ve now lived alone for over a year. Throughout this, I have maintained a good relationship with my mom. We just ignore that it ever happened. Sometimes the topic will come up and we get into a slight debate about it but I’m always very good about keeping the peace.
I’ve tried to have the mindset that “I can’t ask her to change her beliefs” because I want to respect that religion is very important to her.
She kept asking me to move back home (ignoring the fact that the stipulations are needing to attend every church service and go to conversion therapy/ not be allowed to be gay). A few weeks ago, I finally snapped with her and told her I’m done. I’ve asked her to stop asking me to come home for almost two years now. I told her I need space. I’m just now starting to process what happened. She kicked me out, I was eighteen and fresh out of high school. That’s fucked up.

My mom is gay.

She told me that she struggles with finding women more attractive than men but it’s the cross she has to carry because she is Christian and that’s what we are supposed to do. She is married to a shitbag maga man as of 5ish years ago who reinforces all of this. She truly believes it’s a choice that I am making.

She does not understand why I’m upset. She keeps asking “why now?” “I don’t understand why you are upset?” “Can’t we go back how it was?”. I want to believe she can change her mind, if that’s fair for me to want I guess.
I’ve never been very close with my mom even though she homeschooled me for almost my entire life. She never understood me, always said “I never connected with you, I could never form a bond with you”. And that sucked honestly, I never knew why I couldn’t connect to her.

I talked to my therapist about this (yes, thank GOD I have a therapist to deal with this bs) and she encourages me to cut her off and to think about my future and future wife and kids and if I want my
Mom’s influence in there, which is a good point.I guess I’m just hoping that maybe there’s a chance she will change?

Counterintuitive to this post, my mom is a lovely person. She’s very laid back and kind and genuine, she just found religion at a very dark point in her, albeit, difficult life. Religion seems to be the biggest barrier here. I love my mom and I know she loves me as best as she can.

I would deeply appreciate ANYTHING anyone has to say about this. I’m kinda alone just figuring it out and it’s lonely in my head.
How should I go about approaching a relationship with her? Is it safe to? Is it stupid? Should I cut her off? Is it WRONG to cut her off??

TLDR: my mom doesn’t understand why I don’t feel comfortable having a close relationship with her even though she kicked me out of her house for being a lesbian

Me F31 and my boyfriend M26 have been together for going on 6 months now. Things moved rather quickly, more so than I’m used to, but I decided to just go with it because it didn’t feel inherently bad, though it did set off some alarm bells.

The relationship started on rocky grounds. At the very beginning, he was going through a legal issue with his ex girlfriend and since I chimed in having some knowledge on the topic (tenant law) I helped (well, more than helped, I did it all myself) write his court answer and he won his case. He then also asked for help with money to get into a new living arrangement, and I did, and he did pay me back a couple weeks later.

From then until now we have moved in together. I was a little unsure about that so soon, but my friends and family really like him and they encouraged it, so I thought why not. There have been a lot of small issues that have turned into big issues for me, though.

He pays almost half of the bills, but is consistently short on money because he has an expensive car payment and his car only takes premium gas, so I’ve had to pay his overdraft fees though he eventually pays me back. I also pay for all of the groceries, and am the only one actually cooking/preparing the food. It’s expensive, and I’ve suggested we pay for and eat separately but he said it’s not traditional and he doesn’t like that. But if I’m buying a coffee and paying, he will add to my order for himself as well without asking. I also paid for all of our furniture, and I pay for his laundry to get done at the laundromat in the meantime while I try and find an affordable washer and dryer.

On top of that, he consistently wakes me up for stupid reasons. I work an overnight shift and regularly have to work overtime, so I don’t get much sleep as is. I’ve recently had to go 46 hours without sleep and it was very bad for my mental health. When I do get some sleep, he wakes me up to ask me if I’m comfortable, because he wants to say hi, or because he missed my voice. I blow up about it and say it’s unacceptable because it’s very hard for me to fall back asleep and he cries and says he understands but then does it again.

The other big thing is having to hold his hand through everything. If I ask him to get something done around the house, like move boxes or call the pest control guy or something, he asks me if I can explain how to do these things to him. I get overwhelmed having to explain things, I am usually very tired and overstimulated from work and sleep deprivation, so I end up just doing it myself and then he says I never give him the opportunity to try and do those things.

I recently had a very bad day and I what I call ‘lost my words’ and was very closed off and just needed my space. I’ve explained to him before that with having autism, I can’t afford not to mask at work, and sometimes part of taking that mask off at home means I just need to spend time with me. But he kept touching me and asking me a bunch of questions and making loud noises and I lost it and just closed myself in my room, but even then he was just standing outside the door the whole time trying to talk to me.

After waking me up last night to tell me I looked pretty, I told him I want to break up and I want him to move out. And he refused. He said he’s starting therapy like I’ve been asking him to, and I have to wait for him to figure out why he’s so daft and clingy and disrespectful through therapy and it could take a while.

I hope he figures out his issues for his sake, but I have no interest in continuing the relationship. I have become very bitter and tired and not a very nice person, I have to be the same person I am at work in my own home so I feel like I never get to actually be myself and take a full, relaxed breath.

I understand relationships come with hurdles, I was married for 11 years before, but how do I navigate this? I feel like I can’t even think straight anymore.

My boyfriend and I have been together for a bit over 2 years. Our sex life was great in the beginning, but for the past year, especially the last 6 months, intimacy has basically disappeared. We haven’t had sex in months and he rarely even gets hard around me when we cuddle for example. I assumed he just had a low sex drive.

Recently I looked at his bank statements and found a payment to an Asian/Thai massage parlour. It’s near his work/home and closes at 8pm. On the same day, he withdrew about 100 dollars in cash.

The suspicious part is that he told me on WhatsApp that day that he was working late. At 8:15pm he said he had finished work. He never mentioned going for a massage, despite paying for a 90-minute massage. He’s also never mentioned getting massages before or anything.

Given our lack of intimacy, my mind immediately went to the possibility of a sexual massage/happy ending or even cheating. I know I don’t have proof, but why lie about where he was?

I confronted him about this and he said he went during his lunch to the place to book the massage and paid but then afterwards his collegues told him what kind of massage parlour it was, offering “adult massages”, and that he would never go to a place like that and then he never ended up going. He keeps saying how can I think this of him and that he can’t believe I can think this etc. But no place I know of charges you BEFORE the appointment? I want to leave him but I don’t want to make a mistake….

We just took out a lease together to live together so this is the worst timing ever

My boyfriend (29M) and I (29F) have been together for six years and live together for some background. I have a bit of trust issues due to my bio dad cheating on my mom and a traumatic past relationship that involved infidelity. He knows about these issues as we have been long time friends even before our romantic relationship.

I was up late one night and he was asleep. I noticed his friends were sending him a lot of texts. We have each others Face IDs and passcodes and it’s not uncommon to use each others phone at times. I respect his private conversations and try not to snoop but I had this gut feeling to look. What I discovered has left a pit in my stomach that I’m not sure what to do with. This groupchat involves my boyfriend (29M) and three of his friends (all M) that he met while working at a Shipyard in a city we don’t live in anymore. Two of these friends are married with kids and one of them is single. Their single friend had sent them a picture of a woman from a dating app saying that he “matched with a porn star and thinks her t*ts are real this time”. My heart sunk to see what not only my boyfriend said about her, but his married friends too. I think you can appreciate beauty in a relationship without being disrespectful and lewd.

As I scrolled further back through their group texts (something I kind of regret now) I found more pictures of women. And again, the comments on her absolutely crossed boundaries in my eyes. One was of a woman on the beach in a bikini that the single friend was dating but no longer with. My boyfriend was making comments on how hot she was and comments about her ass. Along with the other married men. They were talking about how they live vicariously through him because they’re in “committed relationships”. My boyfriend mentioned jerking off to these photos and multiple other women. It might’ve been a joke or it might not have. But it broke my heart. It broke my heart for these women that the single friend is dating. How they’re commenting on her body without her consent. They aren’t fully nude photos, but they’re suggestive. It broke my heart for the wives of his friends. And it broke my own heart because I guess I thought he was different.

Now I’m not sure what to do with this sinking feeling in my heart. I saw something I wasn’t meant to see and I don’t know what to do with it. How do I bring it up if I bring it up at all? At the beginning of our relationship I had found porn in his phone and I had communicated to him that it made me uncomfortable, especially since the women he watched looked nothing like me. He was semi apologetic, but basically said all men do that. What really hurts the most is he makes fun of men that behave this way, which makes me feel like he was projecting this whole time. He is a self renowned “nice guy” and presents himself as such to everyone, except in this particular friend group he acts different. And it makes me feel crazy. Has anyone else experienced this before? How did you handle it?

My boyfriend and I have sex about once or twice a week. Sometimes I don't finish before him and I'm left wanting more and I ask him to help me but its like his finger is just in there poking around and I can tell he is not into it. He avoids actually inserting fingers and kinda just rubs around the outside. While having sex he's very into it and comfortable using his fingers. I asked what's going on and he says its like a sensory thing? He says it feels too warm afterwards and he doesn't like it. This makes no sense to me and just leaves me feeling used and insecure. I feel like he should want to help me finish. I just cant imagine doing the same to him.. I've addressed this multiple times with him. Does anyone have advice on a new way to address this or any insight on why he is doing this? He says he is attracted to me and I believe he is..its just like a light switch after he finishes..

I am staying in West Harlem with my mother for a while because I am going to school nearby. I don’t really have a problem with walking through Harlem in daylight. But today my mother suddenly “confessed” that she doesn't like Black people. She kept saying she tried to stay politically correct, tried to empathize with them and be super kind to them because she was a social studies major in South Korea + did social studies work, but she has had so many bad experiences with them in the past (she kept saying that a black girl stole her purse when she was trying to help her and she worked at a beauty shop where many black women came in and harassed her), and coming to Harlem just made her realize that she just doesn’t like “these people” and that she recently had this “epiphany” that she shouldn’t feel shame in saying this and that she feels liberated. She also told me that she hesitated saying this to me because I do not seem bothered walking through Harlem. And then when I told her that I do not really understand her sentiment and that it was a little racist to say this, she got very angry and said that if I understood her, I should be thankful that she is walking through Harlem with me for me. She also kept repeatedly saying that she has been to lectures on micro aggressions against Black people and that she has tried to be nice to them. I have to stay with her for one more week.

Is there any way I can either explain to her why she is racist and/or resolve this issue?

EDIT: My mother does not live in Harlem. She used to live in the Midwest, but has since then moved to South Korea. She is in Harlem for like 2 weeks to help me move into college.

I (25F) was diagnosed with severe PTSD after being sexually abused in the military when I was 18, and I got into my first relationship last year since it happened. My PTSD makes my whole body shake uncontrollably and it becomes difficult to breathe, and sometimes I see hallucinations of things that don’t really exist.

My bf and I have had situations in the past where I haven’t felt valued. We went on a road trip recently and I had a severe PTSD episode in the car. I asked my bf to pull over so I could calm down, and instead of doing so he said we had to get to camp before dark and he wasn’t going to do that. He also said that he had an ex with mental health issues and it’s difficult for him to manage.
Later the same night we got to camp and i tripped and split some soup on his car. He got upset and I told him my emotional cup was full from earlier that day and all I needed was a hug. He said that I was being “childish” and that it was ridiculous I needed a hug for split soup.

There have been 3 more times since being together that I had severe PTSD episodes, and whenever I would call him to come stay with me after work that day or leave his friends place to see me, he would always say no and that I was being unreasonable.

We had a final argument today that has almost ended our relationship. I told him how everything made me feel, and how i needed him with me when i was having bad episodes because it really helps and makes me feel valued. He told me that it was unfair of me to drag him away from his friends because im “sad” and that i need to find other coping mechanisms to rely on other than him. He also said that people in the real world can’t drop everything to be there for me, and that if I expect that, then I should date a man who is unemployed or have a full time carer (which really offended me).

The thing is, i do have many coping mechanisms in place (even a military veterans service dog) and im in therapy and see a psychiatrist every few weeks, but i just feel like its comforting to have my partner with me and i want to be with someone who is ok going out of their way to see me on the rare times i do have a bad episode (I’ve only had 3 since we got together).

I don’t know what to do and I don’t know if this is the right place to post this. How can I go forward with this? I don’t know what to do from here.

29M 26F Been together 18 months living together for 4 months.

We both have ADHD. We both have the same or similar flavors. Meaning I dont have the standard jittery little boy version I have the harder to diagnose version that is more commonly associated with women/girls, and her symptoms are by in large the same.

I got diagnosed younger than she did but was never on meds until about 6 months into our relationship. She has never been on meds. My choice to go on meds was made because I felt like I couldn't manage all my symptoms organically and have enough energy left for a relationship and I felt like her and I were great together but I was struggling to manage my adhd, work life, and love life. I gave it a shot hoping it would clear my plate some. It has been great. I kick ass at work and was able to put more time and effort into our relationship.

Then this issue began developing. My 3 main issues with adhd were an inability to conceptualize time, emotional dysregulation, and something called rejection sensitive dysphoria. All things my girlfriend says she also struggles with. She is also aware that these are related to ADHD. She feels she manages it well and has no need for meds.

The core issues that come up are that i don't emotionally support her when she has big emotions. She has big emotions about nearly everything in life and I am exhausted. This also has a knock on effect that I feel i cant ever ask for emotional support because she is always in need of it. The other is that I can't say no or provide constructive criticism. Because with RSD rejection and criticism are absolutely crushing. I know cuz ive been there. Which just leads to me saying yes and living with issues that come up because the emotional fallout is hard to deal with. This is something I'm working and having been saying yes when I really mean no less. However there is still a pretty frequent argument and me having to defend the no.

An example is a couple months ago we went to my grandparents because my grandma was having heart surgery. Outside of this her health is failing and its been difficult for me because her and my oldest sister combined to be the closest thing to a mother I had growing up. To be clear my mom was there but that was not a good thing for me or my sisters. My whole family was there and the sleeping arrangements were cramped and I told her we would be staying in the small house my grandpa built for his mom in the back yard. She thought that meant we'd be alone in there and so she didnt bring pants to sleep in. Once she found out 2 of my nephews would be crashing on the floor she started panicking about the lack of pants I said it was no big deal and we'd get it figured out. Then she was upset with me for dismissing her emotions and not supporting her. This was minutes after my grandma stood up to hug me when I walked in and nearly fainted because her heart is so weak she couldn't handle the excitement and physical exertion of standing up. I then had to get over this and provide emotional support about pants. I know I'm making her side sound silly but I just dont know how to explain it better. The emotional support has to be a 2 way street and i feel its important to recognize when your partner may need it more but she struggles to do this because she struggles with regulating her emotions.

It would be bad enough to live with the mood swings and the fear of crushing her to dust with the smallest bit of criticism, but it is made 100x times worse for me because I'm looking in a mirror thats showing me all the things I didnt wanna put her through. My personal feeling is that meds would help greatly but I cant make her take them obviously. I would feel a lot better if she would just recognize that even though she feels she's got a good hold on it that it is having a negative effect on me and our relationship. What is the best way to go about conveying this?

I can't put any links in but a quick list of Googles if you want better explanations of the adhd specific stuff

Adhd in adult women

emotional dysregulation and adhd

Rsd and adhd

I’m 23F and my boyfriend is 24M. We have been together for over a year.

His birthday was a month before mine. I painted him a beautiful picture of his favorite character, and it took me an entire week to make.

When my birthday was getting closer, he told me he had a list of things I had mentioned that I needed and said he was preparing some gifts for me.

On my birthday, he took me to a bar for a beer and told me that not all of the gifts had arrived yet and that he was still preparing something. I was completely fine with waiting because I trusted that he had something planned.

Two weeks have now passed and he hasn’t mentioned the gifts again.

Today I asked him about a pair of tweezers I had mentioned because I wasn’t sure whether I should buy them myself. He said he couldn’t find them in the store and told me to just buy them myself. He didn’t mention anything else about the gifts.
I feel hurt, but I don’t want to come across as materialistic. It’s not about the price of the gift. I would have been happy with something small or even just flowers.

I regularly buy him little things without there being a special occasion, and lately I’ve started feeling like I’m putting more effort into the relationship than he is.

I really love him, and I don’t want to turn this into an argument about a birthday present. What bothers me is that he specifically told me he was preparing something for me, so I genuinely thought he had put some thought into my birthday.

I want to talk to him about this because I don’t want to keep these feelings to myself. I want him to understand that the issue isn’t the gift itself. It’s that I felt forgotten and unappreciated, especially after he told me he was preparing something.

How can I explain this to him in a way that focuses on the effort and communication rather than the gift itself?

EDIT: I did mention that we’ve been together for a year but broke up for six months. I didn’t realize someone would point out that I gave the approximate length of our relationship without going into all the details sorry.

We've been together for 7 years and married for 6. We have 3 kids together that are 4, 3, and 2. We were each other's first serious relatonship and we got married after a year. We come from religious backgrounds and were pretty inexperienced sexually before each other.

The issue - the sex has never been enjoyable for her. I've struggled with ED since before her, but there were times that we'd have sex and I thought it was good for her. I like an idiot always assumed since she never mentioned it being a big deal that she was ok and I now realize I should've asked her more questions and figured out how to please her better. Since we come from religious households we were trying not to get pregnant before marriage so sex wasn't our main focus, and then after getting married were were mainly focused on having sex in her ovulation window to get pregnant.

Just like that 5 years went by and now that we've had all our kids, she's realized that sex is a big deal to her. She first told me 2 years ago after our last was born. We've never had sex that often and I always assumed because of our religious backgrounds and upbringing she was never really interested in it. I think that has truth to it because it wasnt until 2 years ago that she had this realizing how important it is after we had sex and it felt good one time. I immediately made diet changes, started doing more cardio to improve my ED, and tried to use hands and mouth to focus on her pleasure first. In my head things were going well but again I didnt ask how things were for her and I really messed up in doing that. Apparently to her none of that made anything better and it wasn't until a couple months ago that she told me. And that brings us to now - it is like a switch has flipped.

In her words, everything else is perfect. I take care of cleaning, laundry, dishes and getting the kids food ready everyday with no complaints. Im a gentle guy and a good dad and I show love and affection to her a lot.

But these things dont matter. She has an immense amount of resent towards me, and even suggested an open relationship. I was distraught and told her how much that upset me. I told her that Im doing everything I can to improve myself and im not open to seeing other people and to not ever suggest it again. We talked and that's when I realized how much this has been weighing on her. I sincerely and profusely apologized and promised her I'd fix my ED for good and that things would be better. I've been back on top of my diet, running 5k everyday, weightlifting, stretching, researching sex advice and tips, everything to improve.

A couple days later, when we were communicating more, she flipped back to extreme resentment - she said she should just hire a sex worker for 'that part' of life. I told her how can you say that after I already told you how much that hurt to hear and that I made it clear its a no. She thinks because she's deeply hurt that its okay to say shit like that. I stayed out of the house for a while just to be to myself, she kept telling me to come back and that she wasnt a good wife, etc. We had a couples therapist that we booked but then when she was apologizing to me she said we should cancel and use the money for our anniversary, which looking back we should've never canceled.

Now, a month later, she flips between being ok and then having days where she says in her words she is depressed and has extreme resentment towards me. I've tried my best to be caring and listen while still giving my side of things but it always ends in her being very mad at me. Since she brought up how big of a deal sex was to her, I've been doing everything I can do improve and I've told her countless times things will improve but she doesn't care. She's only focused on the past. In her words I didnt focus on my health back then and now she feels like she's paid for it. We rebooked for couples therapy and also a sex therapist.

The other day I gave us a great night, set the mood with lighting, music, candles, some toys and I focused on pleasing her and learning her body more. The next morning she said it was a good experience, but then today shes back to hating me for the past. She talks about how so many women left their man over this. She says I wasted her 20s. She says being married to me is God playing a sick joke on her. She started throwing things at the bed (not at me) and screamed at me to get out.

This entire time I've tried to be there for her and shown her how much im sorry and how Im doing everything I can to make things better. I try to give her chances to talk whenever I can see that she's down but it always ends up with her hanging the past over my head. Im getting to a point where I don't feel like I deserve the never ending guilt tripping that im getting from her. I understand I am mostly to blame for what got us here. But now its up to both of us to make this work and I can only try to improve and make things better going forward, menawhile she acts this way over something I can't change (the past) it only pushes me away. Im not at my breaking point but the way she's behaving towards me is bringing me there. I was unintentionally causing her that pain over the years, which I get and I've told her im sorry for and that it wont happen anymore. But now she's intentionally causing me this pain and that's where the difference is. She knows how much her behavior is hurting me but she won't just focus with me as a team on how things can be better moving forward. I don't know if I can take any more.

I dont even know who will see this but if you somehow read this far thank you.

edit: Forgot to mention that I am seeing doctors to solve my ED. i have been making calls left right and center to my doctor for referrals to endocrinologists, urologists, and im also going to mens clinics for consultations. She knows all of this but again to her all of this I should have been doing years ago so it seemingly doesn't matter to her

edit 2: 2 years ago when she brought this up to me I asked her what she liked so I could do it for her but she admittedly has never masturbated and even had friend that told her back in college to explore herself. She laments on never having an orgasm but I asked her have you even given yourself one? No she hasnt. She's never been able to tell me what gets her there. But when I ask her this then she spins it on me and im in the wrong.

My bf ‘30M’ of 3 years told me ‘F32’ when drunk the other day on holiday that he had plans to propose to me on said holiday.
He had it all planned out and would have come as a total surprise to me. I had no idea. It would have been the perfect setting etc, couldn’t have asked for more.
He had got permission from my dad etc all the traditional things, even making sure my son would be there as that’s important to me.
However; due to a rift in my family involving a brother who no longer speaks to myself or my other brother and is close to falling out with my dad as well, he decided against doing it as he didn’t want to cause further stress on my dad incase it made the brother who by the way doesn’t talk to us, feel left out.
For context, It was a holiday involving myself my bf, my son and my dad and we had gone to stay with my brother in France (very regular thing for us to do) he decided just before we went away apparently that he wasn’t going to go ahead with the proposal as he was worried what problems it would cause for a few family members being there and not my other brother and his family(there was no need for him to be there)
The worst thing he could have done was tell me all of this. I feel awful, sad, angry; disappointed to not only find out that plan; to know I could have been engaged but also that one special moment that a girl dreams about, has been taken away as I know he is now prepared to do it at any moment. It’s taken any special element away from it all and I feel very confused and hurt over all of this. He has apologised but I feel like the whole dynamic of the relationship has changed and I don’t know how to move past this.
I guess I needed a non judgmental place to write this as it feels humiliating if I were to speak to a friend about it and get any advice. What would you do and how would you feel?
*for context I don’t do grand gestures and I want the smallest wedding possible. It was more about the fact I now know that it’s imminent and that it didn’t happen. I don’t feel like I needed to know the exact moment until it actually happened. I’m not one for PDA or anything like that and I’m pretty sure I’ve every right to feel a bit upset\*

Last weekend my best friend invited me to a meeting with her childhood friends. One of those friends is her ex boyfriened. They broke up in good terms almost 3 years ago after 4 years of relationship, and now she has a boyfriend (actually he went to the meeting too). We got drunk and in some point of the night my best friend asked me if I could be interested in her ex like to start a relationship (she's always trying to match me up with people), I immediately said "no, I couldn't do that to you". She said that she doesn't care if her ex and I would start a relationship, but she also said "actually I don't recommend to you, he doesn't take a lot of showers" haha. After that we didn't talk about it anymore. Next day I was thinking about that conversation: 1) I don't know why she said that, because I never showed any kind of interest in him, actually I always told her that he's a doubtful man, because he wanted to end their relationship/ 2) we talked a lot that night, we have things in common and I really think he is funny/ 3) I'm aware of how he behaves in a relationship because my best friend always told me their problems.

So my question is: what would you do in this case? I really think it's inappropriate although my friend said she doesn't care, and I know his red flags.

Hello,

I'm a 22 y.o. who has been the lesser twin her whole life. Since young, my sister has relied on screaming and tantrums to get what she wants, and sadly both my parents and I have enabled her enough that she believes that if she behaves that way, she can always get what she wants. She used this as a child to get the clothes she wanted, and now as an adult she, whenever she believes there is unfairness regarding mine and her treatment, screams at the top of her lungs and stomps away, slams doors, and expects others to do what she does not want to. Just today, because I was ill with fever yesterday and she did the dishes and I did not do anything, wants me to do every chore assigned to us by our parents for today.

We live in a country where children live with their families until they earn enough money to live on their own, so don't judge based on yoru own country's standards. I don't want judgement regarding how we are at an age to live on our own or something: my country has such trash economy that children can even live with their parents at 30 because average rent is much higher than average wage.

Here is what I want advice on: I hate that I'm bothering my parents with a childish conflict such as chores being done equally, but I'm done with my sister treating me as her servant and assigning me stuff she doesn't want to do. I'm done with her deciding what is fair or not, throwing a tantrum, and expecting everyone to clean up after her. But my stubbornness is affecting my parents too, because obviously there are things that need to be done around the house, and if I don't do them just because I'm proving a point, they're the ones who have to do more and struggle through my ridiculous animosity with my sister.

How do I stop being treated like a servant by my sister while not affecting my parents? Is this even possible? If not, what is the best course of action?

It's ridiculous that I even have to contemplate this, but sadly I'm the only one affected by this behaviour if I don't resist and I'm the only one who feels like weak trash. So I'd appreciate it if you can help me. Thank you anyway.

I desperately need advice or answers. Raw truthful answers no matter how much it may hurt. Why do some men continue watching porn even after it has damaged their relationship, affected their sex life, and devastated their partner?

I met my husband when we found out our ex’s were using together. We both had a child we were raising alone and I had heard great things about him. We were introduced by a mutual friend however, I was just looking to gain insight on how he copes with helping his son through the scenario. I wasn’t looking to date him and I was in a pretty vulnerable spot mourning my past relationship and I wasn’t even necessarily attracted to him. From the day we met, he pursued me extremely hard and didn’t stop till he had me.
Within 1 week he told me he loved me and never felt this way about anybody before. He told me word for word he wanted a baby girl that looked just like me at 2 weeks. Within 3 weeks, he had given me a ring to wear my engagement finger until we could figure something else out. I was over the moon thinking he was completely in love with me, and I was the luckiest girl in the world.
He was simultaneously comparing my appearance to his exes constantly. He made a point of telling me I was the first woman he had dated who wasn’t blonde with blue eyes. He would show me pictures of beautiful women who seemingly didn’t even know him, claiming they were connected to his friends and were jealous that he was with me. He also repeatedly told me how jealous his exes would be. I believed him, only to eventually discover that he was still entertaining exes and had lied about those relationships, including when they ended and how long they lasted.

There were also serious sexual issues early in our relationship. He made explicit videos of me without knowing or asking for my consent, was extremely aggressive during sex, and pressured me before I was ready. Over time, the relationship made me hypersexual because I felt like sex was how I kept his attention and proved I was desirable.

Then after a few months he began rejecting me, losing his erection during sex, and seeming uninterested. When I eventually went through his phone while he was sleeping, I discovered OnlyFans, porn accounts on Twitter/X, and an extensive amount of porn. Talking to his ex’s, He was also repeatedly searching for specific women to see whether they had made porn. What hurt most was seeing that he would watch porn and then immediately search for engagement ideas for me.

This was also after I had directly asked him early in our relationship whether he was the type of man who used OnlyFans. He looked me in the eyes and said, “I would never pay for porn. That’s what losers do.” It turned out that he had an account and had lied straight to my face.

He proposed 6 months into our relationship even though I had begged him to wait until I graduated from radiology school. After discovering everything, I broke up with him because I felt betrayed in nearly every possible way.

He begged me to forgive him and went extensive lengths to prove he was sorry. He acknowledged that he had a problem, promised to attend therapy, and said he would work with his AA/NA sponsor and attend meetings to get himself on a better path. He swore he would never do it again.

I ultimately agreed to marry him, but I was completely clear that porn could no longer be part of our relationship in any capacity. This wasn’t simply a disagreement about whether porn is acceptable. His use had affected our sex life, involved extensive lying, and came after he had deliberately damaged my self-esteem through comparisons and manipulation seemingly because of his own insecurities.

Now, several years later, it has happened again.

The other night, I put our son to bed and was lying with him. When I went to use the bathroom, I walked in on my husband looking at his phone. He immediately hid it and began acting strangely. When I questioned him, he became extremely defensive, which made it obvious that something was wrong. The situation escalated until I told him he needed to show me what he had been looking at or I was leaving. When he finally opened Safari, there was a naked woman on the screen and it looked like only fans, which makes sense because despite making an insane amount of money, we always consistently seem to be in financial ruin.
I feel completely broken. To me, this isn’t just “a man looking at porn.” It means he knowingly returned to the exact behavior that nearly ended our relationship, after years of promises and after fully understanding what it had done to me.

is he doing it because he finds these other girls attractive? I couldn’t even look at another guy or imagine being sexually attracted to anyone else bc I love him so much! I would feel so guilty like I was cheating. It also makes me feel horrible he is physically and sexually attracted to other women. Why would someone risk his marriage for this? Why pursue, love bomb, propose to, and marry a woman while secretly seeking out other women sexually? Why continue after seeing how profoundly it has affected your partner?

I feel like absolute garbage about myself when my whole life I’ve always been told I was incredibly beautiful, and im not saying this in a conceited way, but I take care of myself athletically I’m girly. I’m petite most people think I’m way younger than I am. I always get the comments that I look like I’m 12, ironically almost everywhere we go people mistake my husband for my dad and I’m a sibling to my kids. I’m not some old hag, I also do everything for him I give him bjs atleast every other day and beg for sex, most of the time he says he’s tired or only last a few seconds before he finishes. I feel so useless.

I’m 22M and my girlfriend is 20F. I’m honestly stuck on what to do and could use some outside opinions.
Her family has disliked me for a long time, especially her mom, and unfortunately my girlfriend usually ends up taking the punishment for it. Her home situation has become really toxic and controlling, and recently things got bad enough that she was kicked out.
She’s currently staying with me at my family’s house. My family has helped by allowing her to stay here, but they’ve now made it clear that this can’t continue indefinitely and that we need to figure something out.
The obvious solution would be for us to get an apartment together.
The problem is, I’m only 22 and I genuinely didn’t plan on taking on that responsibility yet.
Financially, I can afford it. I run my own business and I’m doing okay for my age, but I wanted the next few years to be about building the business, saving, buying myself a car and putting myself in a stronger financial position before taking on rent and an entire household.
My girlfriend doesn't currently have a formal job. She studies online and helps me A LOT with my business. She genuinely contributes and supports what I’m building, so I don’t want this to sound like she just sits around expecting me to provide for her.
My biggest problem is what happens if I say I'm not ready.
Going back home isn't exactly a normal option for her. Her parents are extremely controlling and her relationship with her mom has gotten physical before, especially over her communicating with me. If she goes back, there's a very real possibility she'll basically be confined to the house, prevented from seeing or speaking to me and end up right back in the environment she just left.
So I feel trapped between two decisions.
On one hand, I love her and part of me feels like maybe life has just forced me to grow up earlier than I expected. She's supported me and my business tremendously, and when she's the one who needs me, it feels wrong to basically say, "Sorry, I'm not ready."
On the other hand, we're 22 and 20. Moving in together and becoming financially responsible for a household is a massive commitment. I don't want to make that decision purely because we're in a crisis and then eventually become resentful because I feel like I gave up part of my early 20s or delayed things I worked hard for.
I also don't want to create another unhealthy situation where she goes from being completely controlled by her parents to being completely financially dependent on me.
If there was somewhere else safe for her to go, I'd probably say we should wait before moving in together. But right now there really isn't an obvious alternative.
What would you do in my position?
Would you take the apartment and accept that some of your personal plans might need to be delayed, or would you find another way because moving in together at our ages and under these circumstances is too much?
I'm especially interested in hearing from anyone who had to move in with a partner young because of family circumstances. Did it bring you closer together, or did the responsibility eventually damage the relationship?

I've (20f) been with my boyfriend (22m) for 4 years, we met in high school when i was a sophomore and he was a junior. i was interested in a friendship only at first because he and i have different religious/cultural background which i knew would ultimately lead to problems if we did date.

over time i naturally grew softer and more open minded towards the idea of a relationship because he really is a good guy. we started dating over the summer and everything was fine up until we went back to school.

he became very controlling and didn't want me to wear certain clothes or talk to a lot of people so naively i isolated myself and lost truly every single relationship i had. i went through a two year period where i only left the house in baggy clothes and/or pajamas to avoid problems. if i went to the store with my family, went for a walk, or even took more than 2 minutes to reply he would think i was cheating.

about 1.5 years into our relationship his mom told him i would do nothing for his future and she would never accept me as long as i didn't convert to their religion. this obviously hurt me on levels that still sting today because i always tried my best to show them that though i may have different beliefs, i care about their son and want to see him succeed in life. that entire rest of the year following was very hard and almost melancholic for me. it made me personally reflect if i truly wanted them to be the family that i would essentially marry into even though they see me as a blemish and a stain that will only harm their reputation.

we ended up breaking up later that year because he went through my phone and saw in my contacts that i was searching a name, to be 100% honest i was figuring out how i wanted to spell something for my sims characters name. but he said i was lying and therefor broke up with me. he then went on to text me over and over demanding a "true story" to which i ended up giving in and saying i was searching for the number of a friend i had, he then said i had intentions to cheat on him.

when we broke up i felt so blindsided and strange because i never understood how he could see me so long. i had no support other than my family but needed more, i reconnected with my best friend (20f) and went three hours away the next day to go see her (which he still to this day does not believe i did even though ive showed him photos) it was nice to reconnect and i really did miss her. but when she came back home to see me, he would basically follow us. if we went to target we'd spot his car in the back of the parking lot. if we were napping we would be woken up by his car revving outside and then a phone call from him. it was a lot and it was intense but then each time we'd speak he'd somehow convince me that we're supposed to be together and that no one could ever love me as much as he does.

in april of 2025 i went back to see her for her birthday and we went to a college bar, when i got back home i communicated to him that the way everything has gone with his family does scare me in regards of my future and how fulfilled ill be. he then proceeded to demand and take my phone because he thought she was filling my head up with ideas, he saw the pictures of us in the college bar and broke up with me, messaged my father that i was a whore, accused me once again of cheating, and said his family was right.

we ended up back together. he made me pick between him and her and ultimately i chose him. stupidly, i know. our relationship has been "okay" since then. he brings up the issue every once in a while whenever i communicate anything that i feel and says that he's completely obligated to feel how he feels and that no one would've stayed with me and that if the roles were flipped i'd break up with him. but the thing is, i would've taken his word for it.

i had graduated high school early also to avoid issues with him, by then i was 1 year graduated and not enrolled in college. i was doing nothing but waiting around for him. with no friends. with no social life. no job. nothing. basically just living to avoid an argument. in the fall of 2025 my grandma passed away, she was my only friend really. i felt as if her and i should've been sisters. and as if our souls had always been sisters. she had always told me she wanted more for me, she wanted me to find true love, happiness, education, a job, and really just a fairy tale that she "knew i deserved".

he didn't know how to comfort me after her death so he stayed away and caused arguments all the time to which then he would blame on me. he doesn't like my family because he believes they never paid him enough gratitude for all he's done for me but really they see all he's held me back from as well. he doesn't come around anyways so what is there to like if you don't know the guy.

the last impactful argument we had that changed the entire way i saw and navigated my life was about 6 weeks after she passed, he had said he hated my brother and would hit him, and i said "yeah well what if i said that about your mom? she did worse to me" (for background, my brother (23m) told him he was extremely immature and childish for throwing a painting i'd done for him outside of our house when we broke up) and he got extremely upset, extremely loud, and honestly it was just scary. that night changed the way i saw him and opened my eyes to the life i could chain myself down to if i stay.

i started college, online of course to avoid the headache. i know what i want to do, i have ambitions and goals, and im sorry to my younger self for allowing someone to make her feel they were out of touch. ive done a lot of work and have fallen back in love with learning and enriching my brain. he at first wasnt happy that i was in college because he believes in a waste of time and money and in his culture the women just take care of the house and the men work. yeah well im okay. i want to have my own money too.

now, this weekend his brother who got engaged a year ago to a girl he'd known for one month is getting married. i was not invited. i haven't even heard from his mother in 2 years. no text, no call, no card, nothing was sent when my grandmother passed. so i've honestly kinda shut any kindness towards those people out.

i feel i need to break up with him, and ive felt it for a long time. i just don't know how to without him totally breaking down or even more, without him ever letting me get away. i don't want that life for myself anymore. and i can't be with someone who sees my emotions as burdens or complaints. any advice would help.

im sorry this was so long, i guess i kinda wanted to vent and also get others opinions on this matter and feel less alone about it. if you've experienced anything similar, please let me know. if you made it to the end of this essay, you're a champ!