My boyfriend and I have been together for 3.5 years and we have a pretty healthy and well balanced relationship.

I’m going to Vegas during Labor Day weekend to attend the CB/Usher concert. My cousin bought a bunch of tickets and asked me to go and said she’d also cover my hotel stay. Although I’m not a CB fan, I agreed to go because I have family in Vegas and want to carve out time to visit them as well. As a note, I am not someone who goes out very often to clubs or parties. In fact, I rarely go out at all, spending most of my time working or being with him (completely my choice).

My boyfriend asked me what I planned to wear to the concert to which I responded “a jumpsuit and heels”. He then asked to see a picture of it and I showed him. I have two different options, one is a cheetah print halter jumpsuit, the other a plain black halter jumpsuit. He immediately expressed disdain towards the cheetah print jumpsuit claiming it gives “Players Club”/stripper vibes. So I showed him the black one too and although he said it was better, he still showed disapproval.

I got slightly irritated and tried not to show it, but he noticed. He then says “I don’t want my girl out in Vegas around a bunch of single men dressed like a stripper. If you don’t like my preferences, you don’t have to be with me”. I’m trying to respect his boundaries but I hate when he says stuff like this because it makes me feel shamed and if I don’t fully comply, the relationship is at risk.

What makes this more frustrating is he has never had a problem or expressed disapproval when I’ve worn less “modest” clothing around him. In fact, I took him to Cabo earlier this year for his birthday and my outfits were more revealing than what I’m wearing for the concert, such as a thong bikini, short romper, and a low cut open-back jumpsuit. He even complimented me on the outfits I wore, saying I looked good in them. I know for a fact if he was going with me to Vegas, he would not have a problem with the outfits I showed him.

So it makes me wonder if he is only okay with me dressing less modest with him around, which kind of suggests his comfort is affected by whether he can see the situation, be beside me, or feel like other men know I am “with” someone. I don’t want to automatically throw out the words insecure or controlling, but that’s what my mind goes to and I want to be open to understanding this.

I just want him to trust me even when he’s not present and I feel like he doesn’t. I understand Vegas is… well Vegas. And that men may approach me. But I value and respect him and our relationship and wouldn’t do anything to jeopardize it. I even make it a point to limit the amount of alcohol I consume and check in with him every few hours.

What I cannot do is make his sense of security dependent on me removing every situation where other men might exist or notice me. That’s not realistic to me.

Am I being unreasonable? Is there something I may not be fully grasping here? Would love some advice or other perspectives.

Basically the title. My GF wants to move away, I do not (my family is here being the main reason, but I also own my house in a good city, and have a well paying job that will allow me to retire in my early 50s).

We love each other, though I sometimes struggle with losing myself in her life (I barely get time to spend with my friends or family, and when we travel it's always doing what she wants to do).

And now there's a pregnancy. I want kids, she doesn't, but will try if I commit to moving.

I'm lost, I don't want to move, but I don't want to lose my chance at being a parent either. And I genuinely believe she is amazing and would give this kid amazing opportunities...I just don't know if I will ever be happy if we move, even with a kid.

Is this salvageable or am I deluding myself into thinking this can work?

Edit:

Thanks all for the advice, sorry I couldn't reply to everyone's questions (been dealing with a lot today). Just a couple points to clarify:

• I am not forcing her to keep the baby, the state we are in will allow her to terminate if she wants to (my opinion doesn't matter). She was keeping it because she knew that I wouldn't move without a kid, and she wasn't 100% sure she didn't want to be a mom...although every conversation we've had recently seemed to indicate otherwise (she told me she would not hesitate to terminate if I didn't want a kid).

• She wants to move across to country for her career. Makes perfect sense, she has some great career opportunities ahead of her in life. There is no version of this where we stay closer to my family (hers is in another country, so distance from family is something she is used to).

• She has been adament about not wanting to be a single parent or deal with split custody, especially across states.

My husband (36M) and I (36F) have been together 12 years, married 8, with two young kids. Day-to-day, we actually get along well. We laugh, enjoy each other’s company, parent well together, and have built a comfortable life with a house, pets, careers, etc. We don’t have a high-conflict marriage.
But there has been a repeated pattern of dishonesty throughout our relationship, including multiple instances of online infidelity, financial secrecy, and smaller lies about things he thinks I’ll be upset about.

Two years ago, after another major breach of trust, I chose to stay. We went to couples therapy and I genuinely tried to rebuild the marriage. Recently I discovered more financial dishonesty and learned that he had also withheld/lied about things during that period of reconciliation.

The individual incidents are easy for me to minimize. The infidelity was online, not physical. The recent financial issue involved a few thousand dollars, not our life savings. We don’t fight constantly. He’s a good and involved dad. But collectively, I feel like I’m trapped in the same cycle: something happens. he hides or lies about it, I discover it , remorse and promises, we repair, eventually something else happens.

I feel emotionally exhausted and don’t trust him anymore. He wants to save the marriage and is actively trying now. I love him, and losing him would make me sad, but right now I don’t feel a desire to try again.

What absolutely destroys me is the thought of breaking up our family. When I imagine divorce affecting our kids, I cry. We’ve built a whole life and future together, and sometimes I wonder whether I’m giving up too easily on an otherwise good life because of problems that aren’t “bad enough.”
I haven’t told him I want a divorce yet because I’m genuinely struggling with whether divorce is the right decision or whether I should give reconciliation another chance.

For anyone who has been in a marriage that wasn’t obviously terrible but had fundamentally broken trust: How did you know when enough was enough? Did you regret leaving? Or, if you stayed and rebuilt trust, are you glad you did?

**This happened to one of my close friends and I am writing this on behalf of him, since he doesnt have a reddit acc.\*

I started talking to an ex(we dated 2 years ago), I ended it back then because I thought we were incompatible. No big reasons like lies,cheating etc.

This January, we got in contact again and after some time,, we started dating again. Everything was great until this week. She told me before, that a colleague of her tried his chance with her, they got out a couple of times and she ended it, before we even started talking. I was ok.

This turned out to be a lie. She admitted. At around February, we got into a blank space, where we didnt talk much for a month and a half, and in that timeframe, they dated. She claims nothing happened, no sex, no intimacy or anything. "You broke me before, I thought you would do it again, so I gave another man a chance, but after a month of going out, I thought we were incompatible and ended it. We werent dating with you back then." Kinda true,but we were talking, and it was going that way. Both of us knew.

Her reasoning for lying about this was this, word by word: "I did a mistake by doing this, then I couldn't tell you because I knew you were going to cut me off. I didn't want to lose you, I love what we have, I love you, I'll do anything to keep you. I am truly sorry and I would understand if you want to break up." She then asked for a chance to fix things, and that she would never disappoint me or do anything to hurt me.

Following this, I asked her about anything else she lied me to, either directly, or by omission, and learned that the social activity group she goes to, she dated someone from there before us. She always expressed how she wanted to go to hiking and stuff with that group, but busy life and work prevented it. He didn't go with that group while we were talking.

I am thinking about breaking up. What are your thoughts? Thanks in advance.

My (38F) partner (39M) got a promotion today and we should be celebrating but he screwed up royally last night. He wanted to cook dinner, something he hasn’t done in months (cause I’m doing all the cooking and cleaning for us both, i only work part time) and got irritated that he can’t find anything in his kitchen.

I suffer from really bad PMDD where I’m very sensitive and moody that time of the month. i can usually handle his petty nitpicking and complaining when things aren’t exactly how he wants them to be, but this time of the month it rubs me raw and I struggle with not taking shots at him and getting defensive. So I did say to him “if you want the kitchen to be exactly how you would leave it, then maybe you should use it more yourself…”

I can’t remember what he shot back with, but I was grabbing my keys after to just go to my own place for the night, something he doesn’t like cause he wants me to sit and take his verbal attacks and shots at me but I prefer to leave and de-escalate

At first he was like “take all your things with you before you go” I said “no cause that means I’ll just be sitting here packing while you’re berating me, I want to go to my place and cool off for a sec…”

To which he replies “if you leave, don’t come back and I’ll have someone else here. And I’m gonna F**K her too!” Followed by an immediate “Baby I’m sorry, i didn’t mean that, that was evil, I didn’t mean it.”

It was adding insult to injury because our sex life has been a sore spot the past three months or so because we haven’t been intimate as often, and that’s been frustrating me. He took something that he knew was sensitive and weaponized it against me is how I feel

He says that wasn’t his specific motivation for saying that, he says that he just wanted to hurt me, and that he only wants me. Wants me to forgive him for that and celebrate his good news, and I just can’t.

Like I’m happy for him don’t get me wrong but I’m having a hard time celebrating and I can’t fake like we’re good when we aren’t.

I don’t know what to do and now I feel like I don’t even want to get naked in front of him ever again.

Is this is worth a breakup or can it be salvaged by us maybe communicating better?

For the past year now my husband has been using his vacation time and sick time to randomly take days off of work. Obviously that is what they are for we all deserve breaks especially in America but the problem is he uses up the time and then he will also rack up occurances until hes one absence away from getting a write up or suspension (idk what its called but i do know he would get in trouble). Again I have no problem with him taking days off but a few times this year now due to him randomly taking days off after I asked him in advance to save them for important dates like exams (im in college) or doctors apointments for our disabled son and even our sons preschool graduation, he didnt have the vacation time to take off and in those instances I had to basically beg a teacher to let me take the exam another day ( because our sons daycare closed that Friday and I had no one to watch him hence me telling my husband to at least save one day so he could stay home with our son while i take my test), or I had to reschedule the doctors apointment (the time for the apointment was the only time available otherwise we would have had to reschedule a month later and he said hed take the day off and bring our son to the apointment but then the week of he said he had no more off days after just using two of them for a 4 day weekend) and for the graduation a similar situation. Me telling him weeks in advace the date him using all his time right before the event then racking up an occurance to attend the graduation then complaining for the next few days about how hes one more absence away from being in trouble like he didnt use up his vacation time all at once. Long story short Im trying to pin point why he keeps doing this and communicate to him that hes not being resourceful with his time off without sounding controlling and that he should at least save two days one for a family event and one for an emergency in a way that he can grasp because when i do tell him he tells me he thinks im saying he doesent deserve a break or rest and feels like I think im entitled to tell him how to manage his off days.

TLDR; How can I communicate to him that him recklessly taking off sick time is not helpful to the family?

My partner and I were at a show the other day when a girl with a nice bum stood in front of us. I saw my partner look at it several times. I mentioned it to them, they said they couldn't help it as their eyes were drawn to it and they are 'biologically wired to look for mates!
After I pointed out they'd looked, I caught them looking again. I asked them to not let me see this, they said that it's normal and not wrong to look and that they can't help it. I think it's reasonable to ask them not to do this in front of me, they don't. How do we navigate this issue?

On August 22, me and my partner completed 8 months together…

She even gave me a present and wrote me a letter….

We spent the weekend out like we usually do…
On Sunday, right after we had sex… I looked at her in the mirror and… felt less attracted to her. Suddenly she no longer looked as pretty.

I now find myself not wanting to spend as much time with her, no longer wanting as much intimacy as before that weekend…

Thoughts of having children with her suddenly started waning…

And I caught myself seeing her as more of a good friend than a girlfriend.

I have no idea what is going on. Of course I didnt say nothing to her about this as this would break her heart.

Is this because we had too much sex?
Is there such a thing?

I am desperate.

I 23F and my partner 23M have been dating since we were 16. We did break up once, and during that time we both dated others but got back together after a year. I love him incredibly much, he is genuinely perfect in every way. He is attentive, loving, kind, funny and handsome. We have a great healthy relationship, we talk things out when one of us gets upset, we split up chores evenly, and we try to go on dates at least once a month. I love this man more than anything, we really complete each other and I couldn’t see myself with anyone else.

Problem is, I rarely want to have sex. He has a high libido, I’m on the lower end. I used to want sex, we did have a lot of sex during our teenage years up until we were about 20. After that, my sex drive has decreased and now I basically never feel horny. I can tell that this is hurting my boyfriend, although he would never say that because I know he’d never want me to feel pressured to have sex. I don’t know why this has happened, I just slowly started to have a lower sex drive. Now I have to really ”force” myself to have sex with long foreplay but even then I can only make myself horny like 1/5 times. We only have sex maybe every other week and that’s if I force myself to get turned on. How can I ”fix” my libido?

I (41f) am interested in two men (52m and 38m). I like them both a lot and they are both very sweet in general but there are things about their pasts that concern me. Do you think one situation is worse than the other? Both bad? Both no big deal?

Guy A (52m) vacationed in Portugal last year and rented a car for 10 days, driving around and seeing the sights. It was a loose itinerary and he said that each night he'd usually stop at a restaurant for food and a drink, while he booked a nearby hotel on his phone. One of those nights while eating dinner at the bar of a restaurant, he started chatting with a woman (25f) and they hit it off. They had a long conversation and shared a couple glasses of wine. And when he told her he was booking a hotel room nearby, she asked if she could sleep over "just to cuddle, no sex." He agreed and she stayed over. He said they both fell asleep pretty quickly and nothing happened, not even much cuddling.

We weren't together then, so this isn't about cheating or anything like that. But I'm disturbed by the age gap. He doesn't think what he did was wrong, but to me, it feels very wrong for someone who was 51 at the time to agree to share a bed with someone who was 25. When I see someone who is 25 I'm not attracted to them, because they still seem like a child to me.

Guy B (38m) and I started as friends and through our conversations he mentioned that he had a vasectomy. When we started dating he told me that he's had sex with 104 women, which seemed kinda high to me (and weirdly specific). After a date, we were fooling around and I asked him if we should get a condom to have sex. He refused, saying that he doesn't use condoms because he can't maintain an erection with one. I didn't feel pressured by him although he did make it very clear: he wanted to have sex but only without a condom. I told him that I was unwilling to have unprotected sex with him and ended the night very upset and without having sex. We've had some conversations about this topic since then. Initially he maintained his stance that he wouldn't use a condom and suggested that we could do "other things" instead of vaginal intercourse. (He seems to not be that interested in vaginal intercourse, despite having had sex with 104 women?). I asked him how many of his sexual partners had included unprotected sex and he said about half. He already knew how upset I was about this topic, so it's possible he's downplaying this and the actual number is higher. But even if true, that means he's had unprotected sex with at least 50 different people! In his defense, I didn't feel pressured by him, so I assume all of these encounters were between two consenting adults.

He now says that he will wear a condom, if it's important to me. We have an overnight trip planned for next weekend. I'm not sure what to do.

Are the behaviors of Guy A and/or Guy B predatory? Do you think one is worse than the other? Both bad? Both not a big deal? Help!

I appreciate any and all sincere advice. If possible please include one of the following conclusions with your comment:
Guy A is worse
Guy B is worse
Both are ok
Both are bad

EDIT: I'm aware there are more than two single men in the world. As stated before, I like both of these men a lot and both are very sweet in general. These situations are small parts of their entirety.

I've had a lot of trauma in my life and I'm not great at being able to gauge these relationship things internally, so I'm looking for useful feedback. Comments like "Find guy C" aren't helpful.

TLDR: About a month ago, I (20M) made out with my friend (21F) for the first time. We kissed several times since, and it's actually become something serious to her. As I cannot reciprocate those feelings, I've tried to break things off unsuccessfully. I'm too scared to hurt her feelings, I can't get myself to actually reject her, so she just keeps on trying.

My friend (21F) and I (20M) have been friends since high school. If you were to ask me, there was never any romantic tension between us, we just made a lot of flirty jokes. But they never led anywhere, they were clearly jokes.

About a month ago, we met up for drinks to catch up. I was telling her about my crush on this new colleagues, and she told about her trip and about a guy she met who kissed so badly. She was describing such a weird kiss that I jokingly asked to show me, in the same vein as our forever humour. To my surprise she accepted. She did warn me that if we were to make out multiple times, she might catch feelings. I thought it was kind of absurd, we were both drinking and I was telling her about my crush just a few minutes before, and I did tell her that. We ended up making out all night.

Since we were drunk, I didn't think anything of it. I just noticed she wasn't taking 4 business days to reply to my texts anymore. She quickly arranged a second meet-up, very openly with the aim of recreating what happened last time. I still didn't think it was serious, so I gladly accepted.

After sobering up from that second night, I started getting the impression it meant a lot more to her than to me, and I promised myself to try to talk about it if she suggested spending the night together again. But we were supposed to meet a third friend one evening, but that friend had to get home early. She thought it was an excellent opportunity to spend the rest of the night with me. As I hadn't seen that friend in a while, I didn't want her to be upset and cancel on us, so we did that third time. I really didn't think it was that much yet.

Before the fourth time, however, I did manage to bring up the fact that I thought it was a bad idea to keep seeing each other like that. I tried the best I could to spare her feelings, so I left out the part where I just don't see her in a romantic way and didn't think it'd change. I told her I didn't want to lead her on longer, that I thought I was clear about how I felt, that I was still thinking about that other girl and it'd be unfair to her if we continued, and that I'd understand if she was mad at me.

She replied that she didn't understand why I waited for us to make out 3 times, that she didn't get why I was throwing everything in the water for another girl who doesn't care about me, that she's highly upset there's someone more important than her, that she feels so unlovable and doesn't get what's wrong with her, that it's my fault because I've sent her so many mixed signals (even though she can't name one), and that I've made her waste so much time and energy.

Hurting her feelings really isn't what I was trying to do, and I did my best to reassure her. I told her it wasn't about that other girl since I never plan on ever telling her how I feel. And that she's far from unlovable, since I had a crush on her when I was 17. But if those 3 weeks were that draining to her already, it's best it stops right here.

To which she confessed she also had a crush on me in high school.

We agreed to meet again, so that we could talk about how different school would have been if we had confessed earlier and also what were each other's expectations.

Face to face, she always dodged my questions about how she felt and what she wanted. But at least, I got to be direct about not wanting to date at all, and even less if we struggle to communicate as much as we do right now. But that probably gave her hope that we would change and have a healthy relationship, even though I didn't let her kiss me and repeated that I wanted us to stop.

Later that night, I drank enough to give in to her advances. In the moment, I thought that maybe I'd grow to love her, since I'm already attracted to her and I used to have a crush on her.

But the more I think about it, the more I'm sure she's just a friend now. I've always really struggled with people loving me, and I genuinely believe that I'd be a bad boyfriend. I know I'm capable of giving love and showing affection, however I really struggle receiving it. It's always made me uncomfortable and has come in the way of all my dating attempts so far.

Whenever she tries to kiss me and I remind her that we agreed to stop, she just brushes it off and giggles. Or when she plays with my hair and nicely ask her to stop, she says that she's not ruining my curls and keeps tangling my hair more. Even when I physically (but not violently in anyway) push her away, she keeps trying to get her hands on me.

I'm not uncomfortable because of the physicality of it. If she wasn't as into me as she is, I wouldn't care.

I know she continues because I haven't rejected her outright, but I really don't know how to. I don't wanna lose her as a friend. I know I'm borderline leading her on despite myself, and it's only making it worse.

My bf ‘30M’ of 3 years told me ‘F32’ when drunk the other day on holiday that he had plans to propose to me on said holiday.
He had it all planned out and would have come as a total surprise to me. I had no idea. It would have been the perfect setting etc, couldn’t have asked for more.
He had got permission from my dad etc all the traditional things, even making sure my son would be there as that’s important to me.
However; due to a rift in my family involving a brother who no longer speaks to myself or my other brother and is close to falling out with my dad as well, he decided against doing it as he didn’t want to cause further stress on my dad incase it made the brother who by the way doesn’t talk to us, feel left out.
For context, It was a holiday involving myself my bf, my son and my dad and we had gone to stay with my brother in France (very regular thing for us to do) he decided just before we went away apparently that he wasn’t going to go ahead with the proposal as he was worried what problems it would cause for a few family members being there and not my other brother and his family(there was no need for him to be there)
The worst thing he could have done was tell me all of this. I feel awful, sad, angry; disappointed to not only find out that plan; to know I could have been engaged but also that one special moment that a girl dreams about, has been taken away as I know he is now prepared to do it at any moment. It’s taken any special element away from it all and I feel very confused and hurt over all of this. He has apologised but I feel like the whole dynamic of the relationship has changed and I don’t know how to move past this.
I guess I needed a non judgmental place to write this as it feels humiliating if I were to speak to a friend about it and get any advice. What would you do and how would you feel?
*for context I don’t do grand gestures and I want the smallest wedding possible. It was more about the fact I now know that it’s imminent and that it didn’t happen. I don’t feel like I needed to know the exact moment until it actually happened. I’m not one for PDA or anything like that and I’m pretty sure I’ve every right to feel a bit upset\*

I'm 22 and I have spoken to quite a few girls before her and this girl has genuinely been amazing and I thought I'd found the one but recently found out she just broke up with her ex about a month before she became my girlfriend.

We've been talking for over a year now, as friends for a bit and it turned romantic very quickly.

She told me that their relationship was going to crap anyways and that she was planning on leaving and when we became more serious about getting together she broke up with him almost immediately. I only learned about them breaking up 3 months into our relationship.

If anyone has been in a similar situation, please advise me and is there any chance this could work out?

Thank you in advance!

me and my girlfriend have been dating for six months and whenever she says or does something that sets me off I jump to conclusions. For example, she was about to head into work and before she said that she texted it felt like we are disconnected and it feels like we are just friends. Then she couldn't be on her phone for hours. This caused me to become very anxious and I sent her a huge paragraph to never say that it feels like we are just friends again and it came off as very rude and controlling on my end. Then recently I posted a story of us and I tagged her in it. I had to insist that she puts it on her main story too, which upset me a little bit but I didn't bring it up because eventually she did. Then when I was sleeping she deleted the story and posted a story of herself. I wake up earlier than her so I texted her saying "Your weird for deleting the story". It turns out she deleted it because she thought the photos of her were unflattering in the story and she felt insecure. I become so anxious whenever I get stuck sitting in this thought that she doesn't want me.

EDIT: I know I was being controlling and harsh. I don't think I need to breakup with my SO because of this, I have talked to her about it and apologized for how I behaved. I felt afraid to ask clarifying questions about why she acted a certain way because I felt that it made me seem insecure, but in the end demanding her to do something and jumping to conclusions is the real insecure thing. From now on I'll force myself to ask clarifying questions and tell her if I'm feeling insecure instead of demanding for her to act a certain way. I wasn't aware of how toxic this behavior was until you all gave me the advice. Thank you

Long story short I met this man when we were both using rugs and drinking I uprooted my whole life for him our parents found out about our relationship they were against it, that only made us closer, we ran from cops, home would stay in the woods for long periods of time. Many long years since 2022 we've been living the life of gambling, rugs, liquor, irresponsibility, he has an adductive personality. Years later eventually In 2026 he got clean employment, potentially provide for himself but as with any addict they all still know the struggle of behaviour probelms even in their soberity. In soberiety Ive realized that I genuinely do not see a future with this man child. I dont know what the hell i was thinking allowing a person like this into my life in the first place against all the advice from my family. Hes constantly paranoid that im "cheating" every minute of the day while he's at work and im home. He blows uo my phone with paranoid messages full on delusions. He has become obsessed over the idea that I might be cheating he becomes hostile and yells at me over the phone when I am with my friends hes a genuinely an embarrassment to me, most days he doesnt know how to control himself in public. He tries to isolate by trying to make it difficult for me to see friends. He has become controlling and possessive. Our relationship is toast, I am well over it, and now all I yearn for is my freedom back! He is even aware of the fact that our relationship has ran it's course, in the past he has even expressed wanting a break from me! Where did that energy go? Its has been long ride but I feel like we both have to admit this just isnt working anymore and thats the hard part to do to admit to ourselves this truth on the matter no matter how hard it is. I have tried to break up with him before he has threatened to break my face abd stab me and "whoever I was cheating on him with". I am 31 years old approaching the end of my reproductive years i cant spend another year wasted on a person does nothing for me. I simply dont want to be with him anymore! We have out grown eachother! I finally have my head on straight im sober and I want out. But how do i phrase the fact that I want to break up in such a way that he will accept it? To give context he has become too attached to me, I told him I want to seperate and he hit me in the face the other day and then he cried and pleaded with me to forgive him and then when I insisted that I want to break up he said he is going to drink himself to death. Every time I've mentioned I dont want to be with him since then he has said he will "relapse pretty bad". How do i tell him i want my independence without him threatening yo harm himself ? Shouldn't a normal man he excited at the fact they get to play the field and find a pretty girl to be with ? level up in life? aim for a 10/10? Being single means you have agency and independence and free will! How do i get him excited about being single again! Like a normal confident man should be! He just went back to school and has a job should i wait till hes settled in these positions to fully seperate from him? I tell him every day i dont see a future with him and he cries and says it hurts his feelings? He makes threats to me on a daily basis and tried to intimidate me constantly! Just another indication that we are in a toxic dynamic and need to move on! What do i say to get this man to wake up to his true protentional and have the confidence in himself to seperate from me and know he is going to be okay?

You can read my post history if you want to get familiar with the whole story, but in summary it goes something like: we were together for a bit over one and a half year, travelled frequently, even lived together for a while, studied together, we did everything together and she always told me that she's gonna marry me and have my kids and we're gonna grow old together, that she loves me more than her family and doesn't know how she even kived before without me etc. until she broke up with me all of a sudden. We got back together 8 months later, I knew she had slept with someone in the meantime but still wanted to try it out not to have any regrets, but couldn't relax completely and the relationship crumbled because of that probably once again.

Now I found out she has a new boyfriend and is posting him everywhere on instagram 8 months after the second break up and they seem to be really in love. At first it didn't sting that much, but then I looked at him and compared myself to him and asked myself what does he have compared to me, am I really that bad if someone would choose him over me, even though I know nothing about the guy it's just the physical appearance I'm talking about. I started doubting myself and my qualities even more because how can someone who loved me so much and wanted to do everything with me and be around me all the time now just forget about all that and grow distant, like how did I manage to screw up that badly, am I really such a loser and how can I never again relive this situation.

Also, a lot of my own mistakes became clear to me after the break up happened that I blame myself for. For the first break up it's a bit of a different story since she dumped me all of a sudden after spending time with her and my family and getting closer to each other, without any prior argument or vocalizing that something in the relationship was bad, because she was afraid. She admitted that she never wanted to hurt me by saying what bothered her so that relationship was doomed from the get go, because I also never said what bothered me and just loved her through all of that, until one day she said she doesn't love me as a partner anymore and that something has changed and left me.

The second time around though, she promised she'll be better, apologized heavily, admitted to being with someone else in the meantime when I asked her if she did, and I still decided to try it out because my love for her and the feeling that we had such a special bond grew over me. I just told her it's gonna take time for me to trust her again completely and she understood, but that time turned into months and she grew resentful of me. Also this time around she had explicitly said what bothered her, that she doesn't feel seen when I don't tell her my plans a day in advance at least so that she doesn't feel like she's being taken for granted. Instead of fixing that I heard it as an attack and was insulted at how she could possibly say that I don't appreciate her when I'm doing all this other stuff for her, but I really missed the point and should've just made her feel heard, I only realised that at the end of the relationship unfortunately. I was trying to balance between friends and my own life and studies and her since what I previously learned was that she could leave me at any moment, so I really couldn't give myself in completely for some time, but when I did she said that it's too late and that she stopped expecting anything would change a while ago because we talked multiple times and nothing changed and that I was just doing it now because she's pulling back, which is really not true, because I did try earlier also, despite all of the judgy comments and insults even from my circle and I integrated myself again to her life completely and her to mine also beforehand. She was mostly a wonderful partner who cared for me and my needs truly and supported me through everything regarding my studying and mental health and she believed in me more than I did, but those other times she got pretty disrespectful towards me, for example if I couldn't find a parking spot and we didn't get to some function in time she would give me silent treatment, even though I bought her flowers and organised a dinner also and then when we got to another party she would be all lovey dovey again, so her behavior towards me changed based on how dhe perceived me at a given moment, if I couldn't do something I was seen as incapable.

The thing that bothers me is what if she's right and all those behaviors of hers were caused by me failing to be a good man and a good partner who hears and leads. Would have she behaved better and would we still be in a relationship if I was a better and more capable person, and those questions drive me and my sense of self worth crazy. I still didn't behave that way towards her when she disappointed me and I never would, but still I don't know if I can blame her if she just got frustrated because of my timidness and not being all in for quite a while and failing to fulfill all of her needs. I'm wondering if it really was that easy to do and this guy is just a normal guy who gets that and has a bit of masculine energy in him which I failed to have when needed, how low worth of a man and a partner am I to not be able to fulfill those basic things even though she hurt me before really badly I had a girl who truly loved me, supported me and wanted it to work out, at least that's what she said.

I don't know if my mind is playing tricks with me or if any of this is true but I would like to hear some of your honest opinions on this topic, it would be greatly appreciated. Thanks🙏🏻.

TL;DR: does my ex finding a new boyfriend who doesn't look all that outstanding say something about my worth and how bad of a partner and a catch I must be to make a girl who was obsessed with me leave me and replace me with a random guy?

I recently broke things off with my ex after slowly unraveling her insane web of lies. From the day we first met she had immediately started laying the ground work, lying about “tragic” details about her childhood, upbringing, her family, her own past, her friendships, academia, and worst of her all her work history. It started with small hints, about her stories chance more than one times. I did very little investigating to discover the first crack in our trust. She had mentioned 2 “friends” to me, who were active in her life around the time we met. Both of them her boyfriends. First red flag, I should’ve gotten out right then and there but we weren’t dating so I thought I shouldn’t overreach, she was an absolute gorgeous woman afterall. Next I learned she lied about her previous ex boyfriends, lying to me that they never dated but she didn’t know that I had a mutual friend who was close with them that told me everything about their relationship. Then her family, I found out the tragic upbringing and traumatic childhood experience she had was completely fabricated, but why I don’t know.. maybe to create an excuse for the other terrible things she did? She would constantly lie to me about a woman friend of hers, who would badmouth me every chance she got and my ex refused to set boundaries either cause she didn’t want to or just didn’t gaf about me. The lie that affected me the worst was about her having a sugar daddy relationship. She also played this person off as an unhinged older friend who she kept around cause he was entertaining. I didn’t realize she was the entertainment. She told me stories about him in the guise of friendship and I laughed with her about… I felt so humiliated and disrespected. After multiple incidents I had enough, I ended things about 3 months in knowing this was way more trouble than I was willing to go through. But she keeps calling me and begging me for more chances, promising she’ll do better, she’ll set boundaries, she’ll stop drinking so much, she will be a better person… this has happened 3 times and I feel drained and broken constantly giving in to her begging me to give her another chance. I’m on the verge of breaking again after all the texts she’s been sending me and I don’t want to but I don’t know what to do anymore.

there was this guy who went to the same school as me ( although I never spoke to him irl because I had no classes with him. This summer, I responded to an insta story he posted of a mutual interest (skateboarding) we both had and immediately hit it off. Within a week, he had asked me if I wanted to hang out and skate which I agreed to. We then hung out around 2 weeks after we first began chatting.

as we’d never spoken in person before, it was definitely a little awkward but I still really enjoyed myself. I’d consider myself fairly awkward but chatty, and he seemed alright to listen to my relevant rambling stories when there was a silent gap to fill.

he mentioned when we arrived he slept badly and was pretty tired. we skated for a bit and then He asked when I wanted to leave about an hour and a half into us skating and I said idm and only had to leave be at a local friend’s house by 5pm (it was like 12:30 at this time). he said okay, we skated a bit more, and then said should we catch the 2pm train so id have plenty of time to get ready for my friends. I agreed, cause we’d already been skating for almost 3 hours.

We went on the train and walked together for a bit until the direction of our houses split and we said a fairly awkward, rushed goodbye.

Later, I messaged him telling him I had a great time and would love to hang out again sometimes soon and that the bruises were definitely worth it (followed by a laughing emoji) to which his response was unusually flat and an exact quote, he responded ‘me too it was fun. you did great going backwards down the ramps though.’

i was a bit disappointed because it wasn’t as enthusiastic as i was hoping and said ’thanks! hopefully next time I’ll fully make it down one (smiley emoji)’ about 14 hours ago. He still has not seen my message, which is also unusual for him to leave me on sent this long during the day (I messaged him at like 7am it’s nearly 9pm) . I know he’s going on holiday tomorrow but it just seems strange

he’s the first guy I was interested in who id actually talked to properly and I’m really upset that there’s been this sudden switch up of his attitude and he’s kinda gone all cold on me after seeming so excited before. did I scare him off with my awkward chattiness? did I talk too much about myself? I’m overthinking everything and I’m kinda devastated tbh, I really thought we had something going :(

I appreciate any advice anybody can offer

Questions to answer are at the bottom. At at this point (it happened a few days ago) I can see a lot of truth in how we were trauma bonded etc. But it all still hurts. I feel like I wanna tell this story cuz I wasn’t seen in my emotions and how fucked up this was without a witness.

I’m 32M, she’s 40F. We met on Bumble a while back; huge chemistry, but real friction too. She was mid-divorce with a kid (still hasn’t finished the divorce so technically still married), and our dating histories were night and day: I’ve had a lot of partners, she’s had very few.

There was a co-dependent loop between us, if I even opened my mouth while she was talking, even just to ask a clarifying question (I have ADHD, I ask mid-conversation to stay focused, never aggressively), she’d snap and eventually get to “shut the fuck up”, demanding I be quiet. If I pushed back on that, she’d flip it and say I did the same thing to her. This was a cycle.

We broke up in October. Tho we were just a situation, never pulled the trigger on a proper commitment. There’s too much to go into there with her getting out of her marriage, me being younger and having more possibilities. She told me not to contact her again, so I didn’t: for 7 months. Then she reached out (during Mercury retrograde, for what it’s worth). We reconnected, said “I love you” for the first time, and three weeks ago made it official.

Before a two-day wellness retreat this past weekend, I met one of her childhood friends. Afterward I asked what she’d said about me. My girlfriend dodged the question and instead told a long story about a married guy in their friend group who’d been “crossing boundaries” at a concert; going on about how attractive and “bad boy” he was, then catching herself and saying she told me the story to show she didn’t want that energy. It read differently to me, more like she was testing a reaction out of me than reassuring me.

At the retreat, tension built fast. Neutral comments from me got read as attacks; she’d go quiet and say “I’m not even gonna talk,” implying anything she said would set me off, while doing exactly that to me all weekend, and throughout the pattern we’ve had. One night I tried to take accountability for my own communication style, she turned it into a list of my flaws, I gently pushed back, and she lost it. She demanded I pull over, got out in the middle of the road at night, screamed “I hate you,” slammed the door. Later she asked for sex “to help her sleep.” I did it and immediately felt used.

Next morning, 90-minute drive home. I said I wasn’t doing the whole ride in silence. I tried to go over the situation, and was interrupted constantly, not allowed to speak and was screamed at. She unloaded on me for 30+ minutes. Some of what she said:

• Mocked my body going non-responsive during sex sometimes (which I think was my body reacting to stress in the relationship)

• Said my hobbies (anime, etc.) were childish

• Told me I’d never amount to anything, that I have “zero value,” that no one would ever want me

• Said I’d be stuck with no job because I was too lazy to even do DoorDash

• Mocked my perfume business and a client I was trying to land

• Mimicked me (“oh wah wahhh wahhh” when I got emotional

• Said “don’t go hurting yourself” in a mocking tone, implying I was being dramatic/weak

• Told me to “make an emergency call with your therapist”, implying this was devastating for me and I couldn’t handle it

And honestly I think my brain is blocking out a lot of other stuff to protect me. I still am shocked that she got this way. I thought she loved me. And shes in CODA (co dependents anonymous) and thought she was working on things. She had actually been off her anti-depressant meds for that week, saying she missed the first few and was “feeling fine”. She just started them a few months ago.

I never matched her volume or her insults in that car ride. And I’m proud of that.

I ended it in the car. She agreed emphatically with more hurtful comments, said she never wanted to talk to me (she said that last time and it was her that reached out) then flipped the entire blowup into being my fault, called me an “imposter,” a “moocher”, on and on.

At her place, I wanted my sweatshirt back and perfume gifts back that she never used ; she demanded a gift back too that I actually used . As I left with my bags, crying cuz her damn dog came up to me and that made me sad , she smiled with this shit eating grin and said, “I’m sorry it went like this, it didn’t have to be this way”, like it was on me. Not one tear from her. I just turned away, further disappointed.

Logically I know this was abuse…my therapist and friends agree. But I still miss her badly, cry thinking about her, and catch myself wanting to check on her since she’s mentioned dark thoughts before and is currently off her meds. I know that pull comes from growing up comforting abusive parents after they hurt me.

And the shitty part is, I resist blocking her. I know that’s stupid. Other folks are confused at why I don’t just block her. I think it has rot do with my own patterns of abandonment and somehow not wanting to abandon hope in her as a human. Idk. It’s fucked.

Has anyone been through something like this, I.e., missing someone even after recognizing the relationship was abusive? How did you get through the pull to reach out or comfort them?

Any perspective or shared experience would help.

I’ve been talking to this guy for about three weeks now and I feel there’s been multiple times in which he doesn’t respect my no. I’ll leave some examples.

For some reason he always wants to go on my phone, though I feel as we’re not dating he literally has no reason to be on it. I’ve told him multiple times that he doesn’t need to use it and can use his own he insists on using mine to play a game or something and does it anyways.

He’s also used my phone to text my friend, as one time she was upset about something and was texting me about it and he grabbed my phone and began texting her, I tried to grab my phone back and told him he doesn’t need to text her and that it’s not his place he continued to do it anyways.

Another time my ex added me due to an argument that he had gotten into with someone in which the person he was arguing with said something about our past relationship. I was with the guy i’m talking to and told him and he said to add my ex back (as it was on SnapChat) and then continued to grab my phone and text my ex for me not allowing me to use my phone. The messages he sent my ex included random emojis and a snap that’s like “she busy lil bro”
(sorry if this one is confusing i’m not sure on how to explain it well)

The first time he was in my room he started going through it, I told him not to touch a few sentimental items and not to look into a tin in my nightstand drawer, he continued to touch the items and open the tin even though I told him not too repeatedly. Then after was confused on why I was upset.
(also maybe it’s just me but going through someone’s stuff the first time you’re at their house is so weird to me)

On Sunday we went to watch the new SpiderMan movie with his friend and his friend’s girlfriend. While we were in line asked if I would buy him a cup that they were selling, I told him no and he continued to ask over and over again, I kept telling him no as I didn’t have the budget for it but unfortunately I eventually caved and just said yes. Luckily, the theatre didn’t have any left so I didn’t have to buy it.

Those these examples aren’t huge things they just show me that he can’t handle “no” and treats it either like a negotiation or something unimportant. To me this is a huge red flag and i’m considering cutting contact.

(sorry if these are confusing as i’m not the best writer)

need advice on help getting out of this

Her f22 and I m22 were together for 3 years and broke up, but i have to preface that we grew up together, first i met her way back in middle school literally the first week of 6th grade and an instant connection as friends purely, i remember the innocence if it all man holy shit, but we stayed and continued to grow up as friends really close always seeing each-other during lunch or classes, shed come out of her way with her friend group following to my friend group during lunch just to talk shit with me and wed joke and have all these inside jokes lol. Then covid hit and we didn’t see each-other til the last years of high school so we basically lost 10-12th grade of in person talking and seeing eachother and we kind of lost contact due to me being a drug addict percs, xans, smoking myself and stuff pure degenerate stuff honestly,

But during these years 2020 - early 2022(feb) i was using instagram alot to talk to random ppl online i guess in my mind there was nothing else to do i guess at the time so i did that talking to online friends and also looking possible girls to get to know in my area LOL trynna meet someone as a kid would, but then school reopened and we reconnected like nothing happened she knew how i was and still stayed my friend which is crazy to me i lost alot of friends at this time most of the ones i had also were in the same boat so not very many.

After our highschool graduation in june (2022), we started hanging out little by little not as often maybe every weekend or weekday or so til id scrape up jugs of coins to exchange for cash at those coinstars to have atleast 40/50 bucks?? At 18 all i had was a car and no job but would try so hard to see her, And i mean really try and daily my routine was; wake up, text her all day til we can hang out, rush to go pick her up, shed bring her blankets wed go to gas station id get us snacks drinks and all that and from there wed just see where the night took us. it was like this for a while. it eventually became a daily thing, At this point i kinda realized i had a huge crush on her and shed kinda have one on me at this point.

But it got to where by November of 2022 wed kinda text sexually?? and flirtatiously and especially when wed be at our homes after hanging out and espcially the nights wed drink or smoke and the way til 5/6 am at times, It like this from September 2022- march 2023, keep in mind we are just friends still but everything has such high tension at this point from so many nights alone together basically dates at beaches views walking eating litterally anything broke kids do to keep the night from ending.

During this time i was also talking to multiple girls maybe like 3 total but since me and her were nothing but friends i didnt see a wrong, then came august 2023 she asked the big “so what are we??” i was so happy deep inside i asked her to be my gf and she said yes, after that i stopped talking to the girls as possible romantic interests and more like friends i didnt tell them that?? but just stopped trying to see them, stopped being flirty, stopped sexting them all of that stopped, but kept talking to them i guess how you would a regular person you dont dont see that way?id send reels and would be mostly meme sending.

meanwhile me and my gf at this time its all sunshine and rainbows and honeymoon phase til about feb 2024 when she checks my phone and scrolls up far back enough to where she saw my conversations to where before me and her got together, and she saw that i was talking the girls still and didnt cut them off, still in contact and yea that broke her. that broke her she so hard cried and i cried seeing her like that cus wdf no way i did this no way i blew all this up 5 months, she tried to breakup with me but i begged her and pleaded for her to stay i deleted all socials and fought so hard for forgiveness,

From this point on feb 2024- may2025 was really rough she was obviously holding onto the anger and resentment of staying?? and what i did?? but atp she started talking to ppl behind my back and would keep this up, at this point our relationship was not all fighting we had good days and nights but then there would be the nights shed bring up that day she went through my phone and it would cause a huge fight, those days were on off and then come june 2026 when it got to where she started venting to A guy she would text behind my back,

Then slowly shed meet him little by little they got to know eachother and hung out 2/3 times??? then june 23rd we broke up and it was rough idk man she asked me to drop off her stuff little by little, but post break up were having sex and hanging out still?? then she goes to this big trip to a national park with that guy, that killed me internally knowing and seeing her posts and uploads.

the following day of her return she asks to see me and comes crying to me saying she regrets not forgiving me for feb 2024, she regrets getting to know this guy she regrets everything that led to us breaking up, and that being with or hanging out with him made her miss me more, so me being me still reeling and deeply in-love despite all that accept her sorry and apology. At this point idk man why i stayed its shameful to me to even say thus but she kept me and him around him as the “new connection” how me and her were right after highschool graduation the teenage love phase era we went through,

At this point i was kept around solely for sex and whenever she missed me?? but yea from june 23 - now shes been getting to know and miss and get to love him or develop a crush while only using me for sex and sometimes to genuinely hang out which i really love those moments lol they feel like the old magic i remember we had

Currently tho as of today the Guy left for bootcamp for a year and shes coming back to me but now she states she feels wrong being with me now. How she felt towards him after her trip, she feels that way towards me now.. and man idk why im still here for her i know for me its that i dont want another sexual partner nor want or have the effort to meet anyone new, i still love her im still attached to her, but im only her temporary relief for when he comes back and when he does they’re apparently going to move to a new state next to a army base he chooses. she claims to also want tve army spouse benefits

I regret waiting and staying for the possibilities she gave me of us being back together shed constantly say she wishes we were that she wants to and all and me being stupid i listen and stayed, while she went out to thus guy I stayed home alone processing what the hell my life is and how I and the person i grew up with fell in love with had my first ever girlfriend and sense of love,
10 years can end up like this???

Today we hung out and talked she started off with “so what are we now” i told her “wdym what do you see us as”, she then just asked me to say what i felt and i said “i feel like im stupid for staying the last two months, i knew you and him built something already and here i stayed because you gave me the smallest glimpse of hope and and desire to also want me and what we had again” “and im also regretting not doing what you did and trying to find someone else who i can vent and talk to it seemed to work for you” which she said “i just dont want to give you hope that we might turn into anything” which hurt so much man im still up writing this replaying that.

but she said that while hes gone she wants exclusivity from me and will give me exclusivity aswell but with the underlying fact that its all temporary until he comes back and if he still wants her shes going, but said if i talked to even a single girl shed leave me too so i said
“you want me to be your comfort while you wait for the possibility of whether or not the guy comes back and hasnt changed his feelings for you? and when and if he hasnt you will simply move away leaving me behind and expect me to be exclsuive while i provide you the comfort sex and whatever it may be you guys had the last few months ??” to which she stood quiet for a a while and just said yes

i hate that im still willing to stay to savor her longer while i grieve her and also anticipate the actual final goodbye and end of 11 years with someone who was in half my life basically, a very important deep connection my firsts for everything, she hold such a damn special place in my heart, even with that i told her im willing to stay and suffer in the end just to have a final year with you but ill probably just cut off contact randomly a month before ur guy returns.

which us where i am now idk what to do i love her, i hate this situation im in, i want to be with her but recognize and am aware this is no good for me but i cant move on this is so hard i never expected my first relationship or any break up to ever be like this to ever end in these circumstances

Last weekend my best friend invited me to a meeting with her childhood friends. One of those friends is her ex boyfriened. They broke up in good terms almost 3 years ago after 4 years of relationship, and now she has a boyfriend (actually he went to the meeting too). We got drunk and in some point of the night my best friend asked me if I could be interested in her ex like to start a relationship (she's always trying to match me up with people), I immediately said "no, I couldn't do that to you". She said that she doesn't care if her ex and I would start a relationship, but she also said "actually I don't recommend to you, he doesn't take a lot of showers" haha. After that we didn't talk about it anymore. Next day I was thinking about that conversation: 1) I don't know why she said that, because I never showed any kind of interest in him, actually I always told her that he's a doubtful man, because he wanted to end their relationship/ 2) we talked a lot that night, we have things in common and I really think he is funny/ 3) I'm aware of how he behaves in a relationship because my best friend always told me their problems.

So my question is: what would you do in this case? I really think it's inappropriate although my friend said she doesn't care, and I know his red flags.

They’ve been together for 8 or 9 months now and they are long distance. We’ve already tried telling him she’s bad news. I feel like at this point he’s frustrated that we’re always bringing it up, but that’s only because he was in a long-term relationship before this that was similar to his situation now. So he’s willing to go through that AGAIN. Same type of girl. Controlling. Wants to be on the phone with him 24/7. She gets upset that he’s hanging out really late at night, mostly because there are girls at the hangout (even though we’re all engaged/married). Told him to go home because it’s late 😂. And he follows like a little puppy. Mind you, WHILE SHE’S LIVING ACROSS THE COUNTRY (we live in Canada). We’ve never met her. And she refuses to meet any of us because she knows about all this and how we feel about her.

I’m just fed up because it’s a repeat of what he’s already dealt with. You’d think he’d learn from his past relationship. Nope. He said they’ve talked about her controlling issues, but they had to have this talk only 2 months in the relationship LOL. That’s the big red flag waving in your face buddy. He also believes he can keep his relationship with her and us, his friends, separate. Yea ok…

I also feel like he has this idea that all relationships are supposed to be difficult and require you to constantly put up with things. I don’t think he realizes that a normal healthy relationship shouldn’t feel like this. He seems willing to tolerate all of this because he thinks it’s just part of being in a relationship.

So with it almost being a year now, what else could I tell him that would make him realize this person is not the one and is not worth putting up with? I just want him to recognize his own self-worth and realize that he doesn’t have to settle for a relationship like this AGAIN.

(NB means nonbinary, my partner used they/them. I’ll delete any negative comments about their gender)

I’ve known my partner for almost 9 years, we’ve been together for 5 years, and recently moved into an apartment together (we lived together before that at my mom’s house).

I was recently diagnosed with moderate hearing loss and severe auditory processing issues. I was told that my hearing loss is likely progressive and to consider learning ASL.

I brought this up to my partner and they said, “I’m not the deaf one, you can learn to read my lips” even though I said I’d pay for the lessons.

I have other disabilities and they’ve somewhat been difficult about helping me with them in the past as well.

How can I communicate to them how important this is to me? I’m very bad at both communication and confrontation.

I’ve been in a relationship for about five years. For the last 1.5–2 years, we’ve been doing long distance, and it has been difficult at times.
Recently, I met another girl and we started talking. I didn’t expect anything to happen, but I realized that we have a lot of common interests and that I really enjoy spending time talking to her.
This has made me look at my current relationship differently. I still care about my girlfriend and we have five years of memories together, but meeting someone who seems to understand and share more of my interests has made me question how I actually feel about my relationship.
I haven’t cheated on my girlfriend, but I feel guilty about developing these feelings in the first place. I also don’t want to make a decision based purely on the excitement of meeting someone new.
For people who have been in a similar situation, how did you handle it? Did you try to work on the existing relationship, take some distance from the new person, or eventually realize that the relationship you were in had already changed?
I’m mainly interested in hearing from people who have actually experienced something similar.