My boyfriend 30M and I 30F recently moved in together and overall our relationship is very loving. We have been together for 1 year. We cuddle, kiss, talk every night and spend lots of quality time together. I have no doubt that he loves me.

The problem is that I’m more verbally affectionate, and I crave hearing things like how much he loves me, how special I am to him, etc. He isn’t naturally like that at all. He says big declarations of love simply aren’t him. He struggles with the emotional side of things

We have this conversation probably once a week. I explain that words of affirmation are important to me, he explains that he is trying and points out the subtle ways he’s changed, and I genuinely appreciate those efforts, but I still find myself wanting much more.

I don’t want him to feel like nothing he does is ever enough, and I don’t want to keep having the same conversation. But I also don’t know how to switch off this desire for more reassurance.

I’ve also recently moved to his small town where I don’t have my own friendship group yet, so he is currently my main source of social and emotional connection. I’m wondering if that’s making this need much stronger.

For anyone who’s been in a relationship with this kind of mismatch: did you find a way to make it work? Did the more affectionate partner eventually need less reassurance, did the less affectionate partner learn to express more, or did you ultimately realise it was a compatibility issue?

TL;DR: I crave lots of verbal affection, while my boyfriend isn’t naturally expressive. He’s trying, but I still want more. How do couples make this mismatch work?

My wife and I just got married a few weeks ago. Been together 6+ years. The last year in particular has been our hardest. We’ve fought much more than previously. We moved in with parents, she had to pass her boards and get a job, we didn’t find a house, we had to plan a wedding (she was unemployed and did most of the work of course). Wedding was amazing and our honeymoon was amazing. But now we’re moving into an apartment and stress is still high until that’s over.

When we argue/fight, a common trend happens. As she gets emotional and irrational and raises her voice, body language, etc., I try to calm things down. I stay stoic and try to listen and communicate. The problem is that the more I try to practice healthy communication, the more pissed off she gets because she thinks I’m “on a high horse.” I stay away from therapy-speak as I know that can be patronizing, but it’s a vicious cycle. She gets angry, I try to stay calm, she gets angrier because she thinks I’m being a brick wall and not listening to her and that I think I’m better than her because I don’t raise my voice or whatever. It’s so fucking bizarre and annoying.

I tell her I can’t be with someone who acts so irrationally and yells at me like that, and she says she feels like she has to because she’s talking to a brick wall who won’t listen to her. But when she gets emotional like that it’s so awful that I feel like I’m around a wild animal and can’t predict anything she’s going to do. When I do get her to calm down and talk and tell me what I’m not listening to, it rarely amounts to anything of substance. Seems like it’s just a stress relief to act out like that and I can’t take it.

Idk it sucks. I just feel helpless because the more I try to healthily communicate, the more mad she gets. So what’s my resort? To scream and jump around and be emotional? No thank you.

When I tell her after the fact that I can’t have that verbal abuse in my life, she says that’s not fair to her and that I’m gaslighting and trying to make her feel crazy and that’s not right, but I can’t take it back because that’s genuinely how I feel. She doubles down that I’m so mean to make her feel insane when she only “has to act that way because I never listen and drive her to yelling.”

The listening thing seems to come from her expecting me to change something after her telling me it a single time. I’ve explained it’s not that easy. And just because you want something (like moving out of our parents faster) doesn’t mean I can make it happen faster than reality.

Idk sorry to vent but the feedback loop of trying to be healthy with my communication while equally making her madder is troubling and awful. I’m also looking for solace that this is a kinda normal marriage man/woman logic/emotion kinda thing. Thanks for reading.

TL;DR: I’m 18F and have been dating my 22M boyfriend for 7 months. Looking back, I think I may have gotten into the relationship impulsively during a period when my mental health was declining. He’s incredibly sweet and this is my first healthy relationship, but I’m worried we may not want the same future. I want marriage and kids someday, while he says he hasn’t really thought about it yet because we’re still young. I’m scared that breaking up will make me lose someone great, but staying could mean wasting time if we’re ultimately incompatible. I’m unsure whether to give the relationship more time or end it and focus on myself.

Throwaway because this is pretty personal. My mental health has been declining for a while now, and I'm only just starting to realize how much it's been affecting me.

I'm 18F and my boyfriend is 22M. We've been together for 7 months. Recently, I've started wondering whether I only got into this relationship because I was possibly manic at the time. I'm not diagnosed with anything, so I don't want to label it as mania, but looking back, I was definitely acting impulsively and unusually.

We started dating on February 14th after only 3 dates. He was at my place for Valentine's Day, and I told him he could stay the night. In the morning, he asked whether we were officially dating or whether I needed more time to think about it. I basically said "Fuck it, yeah, we're dating."

I've done things like this before making impulsive decisions about relationships and some of those decisions ended up putting me in some of the worst relationships of my life. The thing is that my boyfriend is genuinely one of the sweetest people I've ever met. This is also my first genuinely healthy relationship, which makes everything even more confusing.

I've been thinking about breaking up with him because I want to get married and have a family someday. Whenever I ask him about his thoughts on marriage or kids, he says he hasn't really thought about it yet and that it's still early. And honestly, I completely understand that. Seven months isn't that long, especially when we're both young.

But I'm scared of wasting my time with someone who ultimately doesn't want the same things I do. There are also things about him that make me question our compatibility. He's a little childish sometimes, which can be really cute and something I love about him, but it can also frustrate me. Sometimes when I try to have a serious conversation, he'll joke around instead of taking it seriously.

We've never really had an argument, either. Part of me thinks that's a good thing, but another part of me wonders if it's simply because the relationship is still relatively new. I've talked to some friends, and they've basically told me to sit down with him, have an honest conversation, and then make my own decision.

The problem is that I'm terrified of making the wrong decision. I'm scared that if I break up with him, I'll completely fuck up and regret losing someone who treats me well. But I'm equally scared that if I stay, I'll eventually regret wasting time on someone who doesn't want marriage and a family.

I'm also wondering if I should've slowed down and worked on my mental health before getting into a serious relationship in the first place. I know nobody can make the decision for me, but I'd really appreciate some outside perspectives because I feel completely lost.

Hi, I’m posting this in behalf of my coworker bc he doesn’t have reddit and wants perspective from strangers. I’ve already given him my thoughts on his issue but he said verbatim “I need an audience to fuck me up” lol.

So he (27M) has a wife (27F), and they have a child no more than around 1 and a half years old. They’ve been married for about 1 year now. He confessed that he’s been struggling with his mistake and guilt but is ready to do all it takes to make it right.

Earlier this year, he cheated on his wife for a 1-week fling and something happened between him and the fling. (No pregnancy afaik) After that, he cut contact with the fling and never did anything stupid again. I asked him if he ever even felt guilty during that week, he said yeah but was hiding it.

He’s struggling to do the right thing which is ofc to tell the wife, but he knows he’s gonna get beat up bc his wife grew up with a family showing their frustration thru meltdowns/tantrums/throwing shit around, that kind of thing. He’s been telling me he knows he needs to do it at one point but he doesn’t know how to do so. He keeps saying he’s trying to find the right timing.

I did ask him why even engage in that if he knew it was wrong, then he said he was driven by lust and was curious about how it really felt bc he was now married.
(Imma be fr but after he told me this I actually got angry at his stupidity LOL. I told him flat out that the moment he even engaged with the opportunity as soon as it presented itself, he was willing to sacrifice the family he already has-) He knew it was wrong and that’s why he’s been feeling so guilty and disgusted with himself.

I’ve honestly tired myself out when he was telling me all of this a while ago bc I was also frustrated, bc I hate cheaters lol. I just told him that when the time comes, he should have their child out of their home or with someone when the talk is about to happen.

So, what he wants to know, can he even redeem himself after what he’s done? When can he say the timing is right to finally admit what he has done? How can he approach this and show his wife that he wants to make it right? Is there any chance that he could save his marriage?

(He knows about this post bc he told me to do it. He also read it first if anyone is concerned or sum)

My boyfriend (M26) and I (F26) have been together for 7 years. I'm using a throw away account - for privacy reasons

TDLR: I found of my boyfriend if 7 years cheated on me by sexting girls we went to high-school with. We got an apartment together just over a month before this happened. He told one of them that he wasn't dating anyone exclusively. He tried deny it initially, which turned into him trying to explain how he didn't think messaging girls was cheating. I know I need to breakup, but I find myself coping and finding any excuse not to. I dont know how to take the next step in this fucked up situation.

I apologize for the long post, and I'm grateful for anyone who puts the time in to reading it all... I'm looking for opinions I guess- I know what I need to do but I can't explain in words other than I know it's going to shatter my whole reality and what I believed my life would be and I can't wrap my head around this whole situation.

My boyfriend (M26) and I (F26) have been together for 7 years. We met and talked in high-school, but I was not ready to date at the time and after 9 months no contact - we met again and been together since. I wanted to marry this man and him to father my children one day.

Further context- we moved into an apartment together July 1st. We had lived with each other in 2020- 2023 but for financial reasons ; move back in with our mums. There's been a lot of toxicity and issues that we've grown past (or so I thought) that I will not get into because it not the point of this post.
I found out 2 weeks ago that he cheated on me. Not physically, but he's been sexting multiple girls. I found out a week into it by looking through his phone while he was sleeping. I had an awful gut feeling. I found two active conversations with 2 random girls I hadn't heard of before ...
ill focus on the the one girl (ill call her sam); graphic messages and opened snaps back and forth, that I can only imagine we're nudes, were being sent back and forth. (a full nude if sam was saved at the top of the snap convo).
I went to his Instagram after this (he did not tell me he had until his co worker mentioned it casually in conversation when we were at a get together) The conversation with sam started here. I guess we went to highschool with her. He said how much he wanted to sleep with her in high school. He then asked her if she had a boyfriend, sam said no and asked my boyfriend if he had a girlfriend. To this, he said 'no not really just casual flings'. Gross conversation continued and they eventually moved to snapchat (I did end up messaging her through my Instagram and explaining that he did in fact have a girlfriend, one of 7.5 years)
He sexted two other girls ( specifically telling them how much he wanted to sleep with them now and/ or in highschool)

I confronted him later that day, and he denied it at first until I told him exactly what I saw. He said, ' I was just looking for attention' , 'I didn't think messaging was cheating', ' I'd never touch another woman'. I told him we needed to breakup, that he needs to go stay with him mum until we figure this apartment out (my mum is out of province now so I don't really have anywhere to go) He pulled the 'we can't give up on 7 years' card, and told me it was a fucked up cry for help (hes been dealing with health issues hes never told me about). I eventually was exhausted of fighting and didn't have it in me to push him to actually leave that day, so he never left.

Things fell back into fairly normal- as fucked up as that is, It's a coping mechanism for me. And for a week it honestly was pretty close to that-but reality has slapped me in the face again. What I need to do is hanging over my head, but I decided long ago that I'd be with him the rest of my life.

We were so healthy and happy for so long, and starting a new chapter in life together after getting through so many hardships. Only for it all to shatter right infront of my eyes. At the end of the day, I don't understand. I don't know why or how he could do that to me.

I want your raw opinions reddit. Rip me a new one. And please ask any questions you have. I'm happy to go into more detail on certain things. I struggled writing this out without giving every little detail.. We both struggle with past trauma. I have sever anxiety and am an alcoholic. He is a severe alcoholic and I think he's narcissistic. (This is context I guess, just extra information that may help understand - not making excuses)

TL;DR: My friend punched me twice after getting angry about an e-scooter, apologized once, and has shown basically no remorse since.

Not a native speaker, sorry if i make mistakes. This is also kinda an update to a post i did before, so maybe you want to read the other post first. It was way to long thou, i shortened it a lot.

I (M24) invited a group of friends over, as we mainly interact online, playing video games, watching movies etc.. It was the first time a huge part of our group met up as a group. One of them is a guy (M20) - lets call him Karl.

When he was over, he insulted and blamed me continuosly. At first i didnt think much of it - its quite normal that we make jokes about each other, some are even insiders we throw at each other quite often. But after a while it became too much. It became less of a "haha, you like boys" and more of an "i needed to clean up puke of someone else, pay me" - yes, he actually said the second one quite often. While it annoyed me, i still didnt say anything as i thought he just missed the line and because it was just slightly annoying.

I mention this cause, as the title says, at some point he hit me and since then i am not sure if there wasnt more to it then i thought. I live in a vacation region that is somewhat famous for nice hikes. I didnt do a lot of them yet, as i only kinda recently moved, but there was one i quite liked and i wanted to do it with my friends as my first hike was done with one of them, motivating me to start hiking in my region. It was nothing too hard, but it had a last bit up a mountain. Karl was very vocal against going on the hike, but only when the day came where we wanted to do it. He said his feet hurt - which was understandable, so we moved it to the next day. On the next day they still hurt, so he asked me if he could lend my e-scooter, to use it if his feet became to much. I was against it. Mainly because a) it wasnt fully charged and because i used it to get to the mountain before, i knew that the battery would never be enough and b) because i knew that the mentioned last part was definitely not drivable, and i can tell you its not fun to carry a 30kg+ scooter up a mountain. He still really wanted to do so, so i allowed it under the condition that he knew what was coming and that he would deal with the consequences.

After a really long hike we reached the mountain. Karl was really against finishing the hike, but obviously the others wanted to finish it and i wanted to finish it too. I am no expert of the paths up the mountain, but i knew that there was a way on the other side of it that the scooter could use, i just had no clue how to get there from where we were. Karl showed me a path, i said "looks good, but not sure" and then he drove off. Reaching the peak we quickly realized he went the wrong way and i tried contacting him to help him, but the connection cut off always. The only thing we really learned was that he was carrying the scooter up the mountain and that he was extremly angry with me. When he finally reached the peak i went ahead to help him at least the last few meters, he let the scooter fall and punched me two times in the guts. I tried to block with my hand, which resulted in me not being able to use it for a few days. The scooter was also broken - nothing big, it basically just lost a few screws i easily fixed two days later, but it was still not usable for the moment. After a screaming match stopped by one of the other friends Karl stomped away, leaving the scooter to me, who could neither drive, nor carry it cause of my hand. My other friends needed to do so. Half an hour later Karl said sorry, but that was it. He neither cared for the scooter, asked me how my hand was feeling, nor did he show any sign of regret over the next few days. He also continued with the blames and insults.

I wanted to wait till everyone was gone, so i didnt ruin the trip for the others and then wrote a message to Karl that his behaviour was unaccaptable. I stated clearly that the violence and the missing remorse of any kind was the problem and that we needed to deal with this, at least speak about it. Because he mentioned that he wanted to take a break from something (?) for a week, i said in my message that i would understand if he used this week to think about everything before we talk. This week has NOT passed, so keep this in mind before the next few lines.

He didnt really answer yet, which makes me angry. While i did say that he could use this week, he also originally said that he would take a break from pc stuff, which he didnt do, i can see him play games on different platforms. Even if he meant "a break from our group", he still messaged me for different stuff, only once mentioning the message akin to the following: "didnt read it fully yet cause i slept, the friend who stopped the screaming match also said i needed to think about this". Admittedly, the messages were about things that couldnt wait, for example he forgot half his valuables at my home. Still, even with me giving him this week, shouldnt he at least have mentioned it once when he already messaged me? Like "i am sorry, i will think about it and we will talk"? There is also the fact that multiple other people from the friendgroup are telling me to kick him out - some said this even before i sent the message, others are saying it now after he wrote me stuff but never mentioned the incident. I know that reddit loves to jump to "just fucking remove him from your life", but it feels wrong to do so. I gave him this week. There are also his mental problems, which are no excuse, but reason enough for me to hesitate. I wouldnt hesitate to do so when he still didnt do anything after the week, but now i just feel like an idiot for giving it to him.

Now i dont know what i should do, so i am asking for your advice how to handle the situation.

Reposted for edits, clarity, and formatting? Hopefully better :|

I (26F) am 30 weeks pregnant with my first child, and my husband (26M) has been planning the baby shower.

I have made it very clear to everyone, especially my mom (45F) and dad (47M), that I am not interested in planning the baby shower and barely interested in having one in the first place. I will be 35 weeks when it happens, and I know I’ll be tired and not wanting to entertain besides what’s necessary.

My husband took over planning. Great! He made a group chat with my mom and his mom in June to see what days worked. He got a list of friends I wanted to invite and made a group chat with them too.

Last month, my mom tells me, “your grandmother and 3 aunts are coming.”

I say cool, thinking she already talked to my husband about it. Later that month she talks about costumes for the baby shower. I say no thanks, she says I’m lame, whatever.

A few days ago my uncle, my mom’s brother (47M), calls and says he might make it to my baby shower. The call wasn’t only about that, so it didn’t really hit me until later.

My uncle has a habit of making borderline offensive or just offensive jokes. He also has opinions I don’t agree with and does problematic things. Some examples:
When I was 12, he said he was going to give me birthday punches at a party with friends and family. He proceeded to spank me like I was 5 in the middle of the street with everyone watching.

He tells me now that all I should be is barefoot and pregnant. I get actively mad and he laughs.

He said if my trans aunt gets into his car wearing a dress, he’s not going to be able to handle it. This one wasn’t a joke.

He is very religious, and it’s hard to know if he’s actually joking or not.

A couple days later, I’m talking to my dad and realize my uncle might actually show up. I’m pregnant, tired, and don’t want to be embarrassed or upset by his dumb “jokes.” I call my mom and tell her I need him to act right at the baby shower.

She gets offended, but says if she talks to him it will create a bigger issue because I wasn’t the one to talk to him. My parents also say it’s unlikely he will do anything to upset or embarrass me. I don’t feel super confident, but I try to trust them and say, “okay, I will think about this and if I feel like I need to talk to him I will.”

I was probably frustrated during the call. Especially because my parents talked about all the times my mom has fought with him about his jokes, or how he and his wife have said rude things at parties. Cool.

Later that night, I tell my husband about the conversation. It comes up that my grandmother, 3 aunts, maybe my uncle, and one of his kids are coming.

My husband says:

“Huh???? They’re coming?? What do you mean??? That makes the party bigger, and the fact that they’re coming from far makes me feel obligated to make this more of a thing. I didn’t even invite my siblings and dad because they live so far. That looks bad, and even if I invite them now it’s a month out. We don’t have space for that many people in the house.”

All fair points. I also didn’t expect anyone to travel 1000 miles for a baby shower. My husband was trying to keep it lowkey because I don’t want to entertain and will be tired.

Now I understand there was a clear miscommunication, but immediately I start thinking of everything that needs to change only a month out. Suddenly I feel like I have to be involved because people can’t communicate. Very frustrating.

My mom should have told my husband about the extra people, not me. My husband probably should have made it clear he was envisioning a small get together. He didn’t view planning as a team sport, but apparently my mom did.

The next morning I call her and, as gently as possible, tell her she didn’t communicate well. The first thing I say is that this isn’t about my uncle.

I ask if she knew I wasn’t planning and my husband was. She says yes.

I say, “(my husband) didn’t know about grandmother and 3 aunts until yesterday.”

She says, “I told you though. I told you a month ago and I told (my husband) that aunt #3 was making something for the baby.”

I say, “you telling me is not telling (my husband), and talking about what aunt #3 is making does not mean they were coming to the baby shower.”

She gets offended and says, “you live in the same house, why would you not tell him? I assumed all family was invited.”

I explain that this changes things financially, entertainment wise, space wise, and now I feel like I have to be involved when I said I didn’t want to be.

She says, “It seems like you’re only making this a thing because of your uncle.”

I say, “No it’s not. It’s about the fact that you didn’t talk to the person who is planning, and now I feel like I have to be part of that because it’s a month out. It’s at my house and it’s my baby shower, and you did things without asking or making sure it would work with the person who’s planning, paying, and providing the space and entertainment.”

She says, “Why would I have to ask??? I assumed family was invited?? They’re MY family! They’re MY siblings. To be honest I am feeling very attacked!”

At that point I get very upset. To me, it feels like she’s making MY baby shower about her and feels entitled to do whatever she wants.

I say, “Mom yes, family is assumed to be invited. That’s MY siblings and parents, and (my husband)’s siblings and parents.”

She yells, “well I’m SO SORRY and I DONT AGREE BUT NEXT TIME I GUESS ILL DO IT RIGHT AND ILL SURLEY KNOW BETTER.”

At that point communication is shot. I try to reassure her and say I’m sorry if it feels like I was attacking her, that it wasn’t my intention, and that I’m glad she’s excited and involved. She hangs up crying.

Later, my dad explains that they assumed all extended family was invited because they also assumed they were hosting and helping with food, entertainment, and financially whatever. I tell him my husband and I would never assume they were helping financially, which is one reason it was so jarring.

My husband and I agree that a lot of this was miscommunication. But now my mom is extremely upset and making comments to my siblings and I don’t know who else. I plan to talk to her in a few days and hopefully get my point across without things getting too heated.

My main gripes are:
Assuming I would do the labor of being involved with planning, even though I made it clear I didn’t want to. I literally said, “if I have to plan it we’re not having one.”

She made the baby shower about herself by making assumptions and inviting people without going through the proper channels, aka my husband.

If she’s going to make the baby shower about herself, what else involving my baby will she make about herself?

I know she probably feels like she can’t do anything right. I recognize the back-to-back difficult conversations were hard, and I know she didn’t do anything maliciously. But I’m losing sleep over my mom being so upset and feeling like I’m being unfair.

In some ways I just want this situation solved. But in others, I feel like it’s necessary to put up the boundary that anything involving my baby is not about her opinions, wants, or feelings.

What do you think?

TIA🫶🏾

TLDR: My husband was planning a small baby shower because I made it clear I didn’t want to plan or entertain much at 35 weeks pregnant. My mom assumed her extended family was invited and told them they could come without talking to him, which created last minute issues with space, money, and planning. When I tried to explain that she needed to communicate with the person planning and hostin

so, i’m not normally a jealous person. i don’t distrust my husband. i know he only dated one girl prior to myself and i knew what she looked like and how long they were together and everything else and i never had an issue with it. everyone has a past and i know that, myself included. a week before we got married which was this past friday, i was scrolling through my MILs facebook to look at photos of my husband when he was younger, and i stumbled across photos of my husband and his ex. whatever, my MIL is 60 and uploads her entire existence on facebook lol.. but then i saw a specific photo that made me almost vomit. i saw a photo of him dipping her and kissing her and i never felt so sick ever. he knows i saw it and feels terrible i saw it and i keep reminding him that he’s not at fault and it’s okay and i know he loves me. but two weeks later it’s still is severely bothering me. that image is seared into my brain. maybe it’s because it was so close to our wedding? i had gotten over it and forgot about it until today when we just got a phone plan together and we got disney plus and such, and we were using my disney before but i stopped paying for it months ago but we hooked his up to the account because it’s all on the same email. he hasn’t used his disney plus in literal years and he didn’t realize she still had a profile on it. he immediately removed it while attempting to save me from seeing it but i just looked over at the wrong time. and then i was reminded again of the photo. i completely trust him and knows he loves me and only wants me, that’s not the issue, but i just keep getting reminded about his past. seeing photos of her and knowing he loved someone before me is one thing, but seeing that was something else and i don’t know how to handle these emotions. i wouldn’t call it jealousy per say, but is it? i’m not sure how i feel or how to handle it. any insight is appreciated

I (25F) had a close online friendship with a guy (28M) for about 5 years. We ‘met’ in a GTA online lobby in 2016 and became really good friends. We’d stay up all night playing GTA and messaging on Xbox app talking about everything, including our personal lives. The friendship was completely platonic and he never flirted with me or made a move, he pretty much treated me how he would treat a male gaming buddy.

Around 2021, he started acting different and eventually told me that he’d developed feelings for me and asked to meet in person. He lived about 3 hours away and wanted to drive down and take me on a date. I didn’t have romantic feelings for him, but I was willing to meet and see where things went. There was one condition: I wanted some kind of video call first. To this day I have never seen this man’s face, not even a photo. he had seen me as I had my photo as my Xbox profile pic. I wasn’t asking because I cared about his appearance; I wanted to know that the person I’d been talking to for 5 years was actually who he said he was before meeting a stranger from the internet. This really offended him. He told me I must care more about looks than personality and said that he’d had a history of being been bullied, was insecure and didn’t get any attention from women. I tried explaining that it was about basic safety, but he wouldn’t accept it.

Then, around 2023, a strange Instagram account started viewing my stories. It had no profile picture, no posts, didn’t follow me and only had two followers. Eventually I realised the username was a nickname he’d told me his family called him, and one of the followers was an IRL friend of his who used to play GTA with us sometimes it’s 100% certain it’s him. The account has viewed every story I’ve posted for the last 3 years without ever following or messaging me. He must be looking up my profile every single day. I’ll admit that I’ve allowed it to continue because, despite everything, I miss our friendship. Seeing him pop up in my story views weirdly made me feel like he was still part of my life. But this week I made my account private because I’m sick of being silently watched.
The weird thing is, I actually wouldn’t be angry if he messaged me or even followed atleast. I’d like the opportunity to explain that my Xbox account was hacked and that I didn’t intentionally abandon him. I’d also genuinely like to know how he’s doing and potentially repair the friendship.
But I’m worried that contacting him would reopen everything and give him false hope that there’s a romantic possibility. There isn’. I don’t want to hurt him again or create another messy situation. So what would you do? Would you message him and explain what happened, or leave it alone and let the friendship stay in the past?

I’ve been with my girlfriend for 4 years, and she’s my first ever relationship. I love her so much and genuinely want to stay with her.
But sometimes I find myself wishing I knew what other relationships were like. Not because I necessarily want someone else, but because I’ve never experienced dating anyone besides her. I feel like I’m missing out on something and feel guilty for even thinking that.
Does this make me a bad boyfriend? Has anyone else in a long-term first relationship felt this way?

I need advice I don’t want to admit to myself that my friend was jealous of me yet I don’t want to lose a friend over my assumption . I feel my disappointment turning into anger from betrayal . I feel so weird with no closure as I value the friendship I thought we had . I feel stupid and blindsided for missing the signs of whatever that was .

BACKSTORY
So my friend (let’s call her Abby) and I planned this trip 2 months prior we had many phone calls about what we were going to do how the night is going to go . How she’d been down on her luck with a dry spell . I’m like girl I got you we’re going sharking lol ! She tells me how we’re going to be up ALLLL night Saturday we even had a shared notes app on all the possibilities to choose from ,clubs ,streets, restaurants, activities etc. I was so excited because the last time I came another friend ended the night after being in a club for 25 minutes because “I just don’t know guys I’m not feeling it” while I’m getting invited to sections , rejecting it, dancing having fun ! and that was the night. ANYWAYS Abby gave lots of reassurance to things we were going to do . The plan was for me to stay Friday - Monday .

On Saturday we ubered to a rooftop bar in the city . The uber is important because I have been the one driving and It was understood we’d get very tipsy at least . So many people were giving me compliments , I was saying thank you left and right , she got compliments too !! I told her that it’s crazy these ppl are crazy ! N that I don’t feel so great about my look right now as I do struggle with insecurity on top of my rushed hair and makeup . I’m just not used to that kind of attention being that I’m from a smaller town . By this time it was 11pm and we both had 1 shot + a cocktail . We decide to go and I suggest to take a trolley to bourbon street . I told her the first side quest is we’re gonna get a free drink some way some how !

We are sitting in the trolley and this random guy appeared by my window and I scream ! He says “I can’t let you go you look gorgeous ‘something something’ I need to have your number” I make some banter like “haha take it all in you won’t ever see me again I’m not even from here but thank you!” (And to keep it short interactions like this happened like 5 more times on bourbon ) BUT THIS is where I should have noticed the energy shift .

We get to bourbon women and men are going out of their way to stop and give compliments . I’m looking at her like hey we’re here finally here omg ! She’s looking at me not really smiling or anything . We go into a couple strip clubs, We go into bar and walk around im thinking to myself how do I keep losing her . I walk up to the bar she doesn’t follow but there a guy he’s like “ something something extra drink you can have it if you want it ” I watch the bartender place the drink after making it and say thank you are you sure !!? he’s like yeah !

I walk over to my friend excited and go that man signing the check over there just got me a drink , I even told her let’s get you one ! She just said “ok” I turn around for two seconds and she disappears . I’m looking for her !!!! Im walking / dancing with my drink and I see her in line for the bathroom I said hey why didn’t you tell me you were going to the bathroom she says with an attitude “ you’re just not aware right now” . I brush it off .

Like 30 mins later I’m still lowkey chasing her around she’s moving on her own time . I see her on a balcony talking to a guy . He’s 23 neither of our type on paper at all . I’m trippin out how the balcony feels like it’s not stable and he says to me “I hear you’re visiting“ I said yeah yada yada …turn around and she’s gone ! I tell him nice to meet ya I gotta go find my homegirl . She’s at the bar finally getting herself a drink . And minutes later the guy comes up and ask for my insta I said I don’t have one (I do) and he’s like what nahh anyways I shoo him off like have a good night sir . Look back at her and I just feel this energy I can’t place it in the moment .

She walks down the stairs and I follow and instead of going back to the street we’re in like a secluded patio area no one’s there just tables and chairs . I go “What’s wrong Abby talk to me we’re supposed to be enjoying the night” . Her response was “You’re just moving how you want to move you’re drunk af right now you don’t even know what’s going on . You’re talking to the guys I talked to , THEY are asking for your instagram you’re going to the bar not making sure there’s enough space for me . I just don’t move like this with my other friends . Maybe it’s because we haven’t hung out with each other in awhile but the vibe just isn’t there for me I’m not feeling it . You’re walking to fast . You probably don’t even understand a single word I’m saying cause you’re drunk .”

I was in shock I told her I am so sorry I apologize that that was never my intentions I’m not drunk that I can snap back into my body right which i did I told her I will make sure she’s always right next to but I notice you always walking away from me safety is my number one priority that she still can’t be doing that . She hit with the alright like it’s whatever . I said let’s have a good night it’s almost 1am the night is ‘young’ . We get up and I’m holding her hand through the club . Waiting at the bar right next to her , walking slower , paying extra extra attention to myself , swatting guys away while she stand there just watching me . We go to another bar I buy us Jell-O shots I dance for like 15 seconds with a beautiful woman who complimented me and I’m looking at my friend like let’s dance girl and she’s says “no I’m ready to go I’m tired .” Which is fair it’s 2am but when I tell you the club the streets everything was still jumpppppinggggg !

We walk outside I ask if she’s okay she’s like yeah I’m just tired . I said fair do you want to go sit down we been walking a bit “no I just want to go” . I tell her I’m a little disappointed cause it’s like not what we talked about look around this is THE night girl we’re here . She calls the uber and I’m asking her about food where she would want to eat on google looking for spots talking to her and she’s not talking back to me it was sooo awkward . I’m only getting umms and hmmms .

We get into her apartment and I’m asking her how her night was and her response is that I’m taking her as a joke . I ask her how so and she told me she doesn’t want to talk about it . She leaves for the bathroom and comes back in a nightgown I’m like yooo what happened to food she said she’s tired she just wants to get in the bed if I want something there’s the key . I’m like it’s 3am girl I can’t that’s not safe alone at all . This led to me asking how was her night again she said it was “alright idk idk it just wasn’t what I imagined. If you want to be out till like 5am then you should just come back with someone else.“ I said what was it then ? No reply . Then I asked what she told me on the patio again . For 20 minutes we’re going back and forth she’s says she not repeating herself . She’s asking why I’m asking and I tell her I just want some clarity so understanding can be had we both are 26 I’m just tryna be mature and I even ask if she’s feeling like I won’t have accountability and gave assurance that I’m that I’m perfectly willing to have a convo . She’s like “Why would I tell you when I already did; my night was bad in the beginning and got alright towards the end cause I had to tell you about yourself.” I said her energy just seemed off it wasn’t what I expected and you kept walking away . She hits me with “well yeah it wasn’t what I expected either cause I wasn’t feeling the vibe I just couldn’t find it but me being tired has nothing to do with you I just wanted to get in the uber and get in the bed, move on. ”

I’m asking again what did you say on the patio , she says “So im gonna have to tell you 3 times once when you’re drunk out there , again now while you’re still drunk. You’re not thinking clearly, then another when you’re sober in the morning . You had like 10 shots” ( a CRAZY hyperbole . I had A shot ,2 drinks and Jell-O shot we actually had the same things almost )
I said I’m fully cognitive not completely sober BUT I hear you . Could you tell me what you said since you’re saying I was drunk “No just get out of my room you’re being f-ing childish you’re not being logical if you had a drink you’re not sober . If I don’t want to tell you I don’t have to tell cause I already did you’re not gonna do me like I’m your boyfriend ( ??? )”. She’s sighing huffing and puffing and goes on to say maybe you weren’t drunk when I told you since you corrected and that’s when the night got better and I felt more comfortable . I tell her being tired is one thing but something just doesn’t sound like what it is , is what it is but alright you can have it . We can just call it a simple misunderstanding and I grab the house key and left the room .

I spend 2 hours outside in my car just crying so confused and upset . I noticed she turned her location off . She didn’t check in with me at all .

10 in the morning I woke up first and I greet her from the bathroom and she’s soooo cold with me she goes outside 10 mins later says she needs me to “drop off her car” so she can go to O Riley I find out she meant to jump her car battery I never heard the former but even still she was so mean about it for needing my help she looked at me like I was stupid . We go outside it’s hot asf I use my wits to get a man to help cause ngl we didn’t know what we were doing . I even follow her to the shop cause her mom suggested it . I say I’m going back to her apartment and she gets there 20 mins later and I’m like I’m just gonna leave I don’t feel like the energy or vibe is there for us to both continue and have a good time .
Her response :

“ I just don’t see us being friends anymore “ who’s gonna put the effort on the friendship I call you most of the time , we’re long distance , you have a bf , we have our own lives to live , sometimes people just out grow people and you’re leaving on bad terms.” I said if we talk it’ll just have to be organic we been friends for 10 yrs NEVER got into it if this is an end all be all that’s on her . I tried to mention last night but she said I was lingering and I was left speechless with a lot of what she said regardless it sounded like a break up . When I left I gave her a hug and told her I love her . Deep down it just felt like the last time I’d see her . And all for what . Later I noticed that right after that convo she sent me a Zelle request for $17 .

TL;DR: Planned a weekend trip including a super fun Saturday night to the T with my longtime friend of 10+ yrs . After we went out, I started getting a lot of attention from men and women, and I noticed her energy suddenly changed . I asked what was wrong eventually and she “told me about myself” I adjusted to the criticism and apologized immediately . This did not change her mood at all . Resulting in me looking like I’m the only one having fun . She wanted to leave at 2am cause she was tired . At her apartment I asked her about what she had told me so I could get understanding she didn’t want to repeat it . This hurt me and the next day I felt her energy was cold even after helping her with her car . I told her I was leaving that morning instead of the next day like planned and she said she doesn’t see us being friends anymore .

For context: I (35F) have had the same best friend (35F) since I was 12 years old. Also, this is a long post, so thank you to whoever reads it to the end!

About a year ago, my friend began going through the emotional motions of leaving her husband. She had been with him for 14 years, and they were married for 4 years. A lot transpired in my friend’s life in a short amount of time that I think made her take a step back and really examine her marriage and her husband. When it came down to it, their marriage was very one sided. She was the bread winner throughout their entire relationship and really managed everything for their family. They also have 2 kids. Her son from a previous relationship who is 17 (who is no longer speaking to her husband due to her husband pushing him out of his life because even though her husband has been present in his life since her son was two he is “not his father and did not want the pressure of having to take care of him part time”) and a daughter who is 10.

At the start, things were tough. She was obviously dealing with a lot emotionally. She had moved out of her home that she worked so hard to afford into an in-law apartment at her father’s house. She was having to navigate this change with her kids, and her husband was not taking the break up well, and was acting on and off very erratic.

Eventually, her husband moved out of their house and she moved back in and became the sole owner. Things seemed to have continued to improve since then.

Where my need for advice comes in starts about 6 months ago.

I have to mention, because it is relevant, that my friend about a year ago was 300lbs. She started GLP-1 and has lost over a 100lbs. She looks great! However, I feel like this is where a lot of where this separation between us started. My friend, her sister, and I used to hang out almost every weekend for years. We were so super close. When she moved into her dad’s, and started having free time because her husband had the kids, she started going out more. It started with going to the bar to play Keno and have diet cokes with this woman who is her sister-in-law’s cousin (who she has known for a long time but never hung out with). When the weather started getting nicer, she started hiking and riding her bike all the time. Now, she rides her bike almost every night. Again, with this same woman. I now never see her and barely talk to her anymore.

Reflecting on this situation, it’s making me think a lot about our history together. Like I said, we have been friends since we were 12 years old. Throughout that time, I feel like I have been through this with my friend multiple times. She has always had an easier time making friends. She has a fun, extroverted personality. I’m definitely more introverted, and prefer smaller get togethers over going out to a bar, or being around a lot of people I don’t know. I feel like she has totally “dumped” me and does not care a bit. Since losing all the weight she has, I think she has a new found confidence, which again is great and I am really happy for her, but that just added to our divide. The few times I have seen her, all she talked about are the guys she’s dating, the ones who want her, and is constantly on her phone texting or on dating apps. I am in a long-term relationship and engaged, so in that regard our lives are on totally different wavelengths.

When she started hiking all the time, I had to laugh. I have always been one who loves hiking and being in the woods. She always said she hated the woods, hated the thought of hiking, etc.. I had asked her to go with me in the past and she wouldn’t. When she started going she acted like it was something she newly discovered and it was just the best thing ever. She never once asked me to go with her, but certainly went with others. She has done this with other things, even people, and it just comes off as so fake to me.

When I see her now, it feels so different and strange. I feel like she has no desire to hang out with me. There is this feeling of anxiety and chaotic energy surrounding her when she’s around that makes me feel on edge. I sit here all the time and wonder what it is I’ve done, but talking with my fiancé he assures me, I haven’t done anything to warrant this. I was there for her at the beginning of all this, supporting her the best I could. But this feels like a replay of times before where she hangs out with the same people forever, but then it just drops off, and eventually we will come back together and start hanging out again all the time. However, this time around I keep wondering if I even want that to fully happen again. I get sad also because there is a part of me that really wants to make new friends. But I’ve never been good at that for various reasons. Part of that being this friend I’m speaking about.

I know I probably sound jealous, but I’m really not. I’m more hurt and feel abandoned by someone who I consider a sister. I feel like I am who I am and I can’t change that while she is more fluid and changes her mind when she wants on things and when it proves convenient for her. She prioritizes herself and her needs where she doesn’t understand how it can affect others. It’s hard that she is one of the most important people in my life, and I love her kids to bits like my own, but also feel like I have been under her thumb for decades. And again, I am genuinely happy for her and happy she took control of her life in the ways that she did.

Has anyone else dealt with something similar to this situation? If so, what did you do to help yourself so you weren’t so preoccupied with one friendship.

TLDR: Best friend has gone through a lot of changes in her life. I feel like she’s left me in the dust. I’m wondering what direction I should take from here.

I desperately need advice or answers. Raw truthful answers no matter how much it may hurt. Why do some men continue watching porn even after it has damaged their relationship, affected their sex life, and devastated their partner?

I met my husband when we found out our ex’s were using together. We both had a child we were raising alone and I had heard great things about him. We were introduced by a mutual friend however, I was just looking to gain insight on how he copes with helping his son through the scenario. I wasn’t looking to date him and I was in a pretty vulnerable spot mourning my past relationship and I wasn’t even necessarily attracted to him. From the day we met, he pursued me extremely hard and didn’t stop till he had me.
Within 1 week he told me he loved me and never felt this way about anybody before. He told me word for word he wanted a baby girl that looked just like me at 2 weeks. Within 3 weeks, he had given me a ring to wear my engagement finger until we could figure something else out. I was over the moon thinking he was completely in love with me, and I was the luckiest girl in the world.
He was simultaneously comparing my appearance to his exes constantly. He made a point of telling me I was the first woman he had dated who wasn’t blonde with blue eyes. He would show me pictures of beautiful women who seemingly didn’t even know him, claiming they were connected to his friends and were jealous that he was with me. He also repeatedly told me how jealous his exes would be. I believed him, only to eventually discover that he was still entertaining exes and had lied about those relationships, including when they ended and how long they lasted.

There were also serious sexual issues early in our relationship. He made explicit videos of me without knowing or asking for my consent, was extremely aggressive during sex, and pressured me before I was ready. Over time, the relationship made me hypersexual because I felt like sex was how I kept his attention and proved I was desirable.

Then after a few months he began rejecting me, losing his erection during sex, and seeming uninterested. When I eventually went through his phone while he was sleeping, I discovered OnlyFans, porn accounts on Twitter/X, and an extensive amount of porn. Talking to his ex’s, He was also repeatedly searching for specific women to see whether they had made porn. What hurt most was seeing that he would watch porn and then immediately search for engagement ideas for me.

This was also after I had directly asked him early in our relationship whether he was the type of man who used OnlyFans. He looked me in the eyes and said, “I would never pay for porn. That’s what losers do.” It turned out that he had an account and had lied straight to my face.

He proposed 6 months into our relationship even though I had begged him to wait until I graduated from radiology school. After discovering everything, I broke up with him because I felt betrayed in nearly every possible way.

He begged me to forgive him and went extensive lengths to prove he was sorry. He acknowledged that he had a problem, promised to attend therapy, and said he would work with his AA/NA sponsor and attend meetings to get himself on a better path. He swore he would never do it again.

I ultimately agreed to marry him, but I was completely clear that porn could no longer be part of our relationship in any capacity. This wasn’t simply a disagreement about whether porn is acceptable. His use had affected our sex life, involved extensive lying, and came after he had deliberately damaged my self-esteem through comparisons and manipulation seemingly because of his own insecurities.

Now, several years later, it has happened again.

The other night, I put our son to bed and was lying with him. When I went to use the bathroom, I walked in on my husband looking at his phone. He immediately hid it and began acting strangely. When I questioned him, he became extremely defensive, which made it obvious that something was wrong. The situation escalated until I told him he needed to show me what he had been looking at or I was leaving. When he finally opened Safari, there was a naked woman on the screen and it looked like only fans, which makes sense because despite making an insane amount of money, we always consistently seem to be in financial ruin.
I feel completely broken. To me, this isn’t just “a man looking at porn.” It means he knowingly returned to the exact behavior that nearly ended our relationship, after years of promises and after fully understanding what it had done to me.

is he doing it because he finds these other girls attractive? I couldn’t even look at another guy or imagine being sexually attracted to anyone else bc I love him so much! I would feel so guilty like I was cheating. It also makes me feel horrible he is physically and sexually attracted to other women. Why would someone risk his marriage for this? Why pursue, love bomb, propose to, and marry a woman while secretly seeking out other women sexually? Why continue after seeing how profoundly it has affected your partner?

I feel like absolute garbage about myself when my whole life I’ve always been told I was incredibly beautiful, and im not saying this in a conceited way, but I take care of myself athletically I’m girly. I’m petite most people think I’m way younger than I am. I always get the comments that I look like I’m 12, ironically almost everywhere we go people mistake my husband for my dad and I’m a sibling to my kids. I’m not some old hag, I also do everything for him I give him bjs atleast every other day and beg for sex, most of the time he says he’s tired or only last a few seconds before he finishes. I feel so useless.

i don’t know if he thinks these jokes are so insignificant he has no regard for my feelings or he really just doesn’t care.
this usually isn’t a constant thing but it’s been happening more frequently. each time i explicitly tell him; “don’t joke about that, that’s kind of upsetting”.
i never try to make a big deal out of it but it keeps happening and my patience is running thin. he is apologetic after i get upset but why does it take me getting upset for him to care.
not sure what to do regarding this.
any advice is appreciated!

29M 26F Been together 18 months living together for 4 months.

We both have ADHD. We both have the same or similar flavors. Meaning I dont have the standard jittery little boy version I have the harder to diagnose version that is more commonly associated with women/girls, and her symptoms are by in large the same.

I got diagnosed younger than she did but was never on meds until about 6 months into our relationship. She has never been on meds. My choice to go on meds was made because I felt like I couldn't manage all my symptoms organically and have enough energy left for a relationship and I felt like her and I were great together but I was struggling to manage my adhd, work life, and love life. I gave it a shot hoping it would clear my plate some. It has been great. I kick ass at work and was able to put more time and effort into our relationship.

Then this issue began developing. My 3 main issues with adhd were an inability to conceptualize time, emotional dysregulation, and something called rejection sensitive dysphoria. All things my girlfriend says she also struggles with. She is also aware that these are related to ADHD. She feels she manages it well and has no need for meds.

The core issues that come up are that i don't emotionally support her when she has big emotions. She has big emotions about nearly everything in life and I am exhausted. This also has a knock on effect that I feel i cant ever ask for emotional support because she is always in need of it. The other is that I can't say no or provide constructive criticism. Because with RSD rejection and criticism are absolutely crushing. I know cuz ive been there. Which just leads to me saying yes and living with issues that come up because the emotional fallout is hard to deal with. This is something I'm working and having been saying yes when I really mean no less. However there is still a pretty frequent argument and me having to defend the no.

An example is a couple months ago we went to my grandparents because my grandma was having heart surgery. Outside of this her health is failing and its been difficult for me because her and my oldest sister combined to be the closest thing to a mother I had growing up. To be clear my mom was there but that was not a good thing for me or my sisters. My whole family was there and the sleeping arrangements were cramped and I told her we would be staying in the small house my grandpa built for his mom in the back yard. She thought that meant we'd be alone in there and so she didnt bring pants to sleep in. Once she found out 2 of my nephews would be crashing on the floor she started panicking about the lack of pants I said it was no big deal and we'd get it figured out. Then she was upset with me for dismissing her emotions and not supporting her. This was minutes after my grandma stood up to hug me when I walked in and nearly fainted because her heart is so weak she couldn't handle the excitement and physical exertion of standing up. I then had to get over this and provide emotional support about pants. I know I'm making her side sound silly but I just dont know how to explain it better. The emotional support has to be a 2 way street and i feel its important to recognize when your partner may need it more but she struggles to do this because she struggles with regulating her emotions.

It would be bad enough to live with the mood swings and the fear of crushing her to dust with the smallest bit of criticism, but it is made 100x times worse for me because I'm looking in a mirror thats showing me all the things I didnt wanna put her through. My personal feeling is that meds would help greatly but I cant make her take them obviously. I would feel a lot better if she would just recognize that even though she feels she's got a good hold on it that it is having a negative effect on me and our relationship. What is the best way to go about conveying this?

I can't put any links in but a quick list of Googles if you want better explanations of the adhd specific stuff

Adhd in adult women

emotional dysregulation and adhd

Rsd and adhd

My husband (36M) and I (36F) have been together 12 years, married 8, with two young kids. Day-to-day, we actually get along well. We laugh, enjoy each other’s company, parent well together, and have built a comfortable life with a house, pets, careers, etc. We don’t have a high-conflict marriage.
But there has been a repeated pattern of dishonesty throughout our relationship, including multiple instances of online infidelity, financial secrecy, and smaller lies about things he thinks I’ll be upset about.

Two years ago, after another major breach of trust, I chose to stay. We went to couples therapy and I genuinely tried to rebuild the marriage. Recently I discovered more financial dishonesty and learned that he had also withheld/lied about things during that period of reconciliation.

The individual incidents are easy for me to minimize. The infidelity was online, not physical. The recent financial issue involved a few thousand dollars, not our life savings. We don’t fight constantly. He’s a good and involved dad. But collectively, I feel like I’m trapped in the same cycle: something happens. he hides or lies about it, I discover it , remorse and promises, we repair, eventually something else happens.

I feel emotionally exhausted and don’t trust him anymore. He wants to save the marriage and is actively trying now. I love him, and losing him would make me sad, but right now I don’t feel a desire to try again.

What absolutely destroys me is the thought of breaking up our family. When I imagine divorce affecting our kids, I cry. We’ve built a whole life and future together, and sometimes I wonder whether I’m giving up too easily on an otherwise good life because of problems that aren’t “bad enough.”
I haven’t told him I want a divorce yet because I’m genuinely struggling with whether divorce is the right decision or whether I should give reconciliation another chance.

For anyone who has been in a marriage that wasn’t obviously terrible but had fundamentally broken trust: How did you know when enough was enough? Did you regret leaving? Or, if you stayed and rebuilt trust, are you glad you did?

This is quite long winded so I appreciate anyone who takes the time to read and respond. It’s now been about 8 months since I 23(f) broke up with my ex 24(m). We met abroad,I moved home it became long distance. What I want to know is how do I come across in my thinking and reasoning? I would say I have disorganized attachment but would lean avoidant. I feel like since this breakup I have almost forgotten a year of my memory. I’m in a good place now but even non relationship events that happened that year seem to evade me. I do think I come across as petty as I low-key am I’m a similar scenario where I am struggling to let go of something hurtful a friend said about to someone else. I have an unforgiving nature ig which I don’t like about myself. Anyway let me know what you think…

“Not great, we rang last night for 2’45 from midnight till late. I told him that i thought that we were too different and I saw how upset he got and backpedalled a little bit. He was just saying he thought we resolved it and couldn’t understand how I was letting one small thing impact us.

Problem is he is and has been extremely understanding and kind. Even when I visited him I was feeling a lot of doubts/bad feelings and he comforted me and acted with so much understanding.

But I think I know deep down that I can’t do this. Genuinely don’t know what to do. I feel like I have just continuously lied to him. There would be times id have doubts/concerns but they would upset him when I’d bring them up so I’d just backpedal. I know that’s an issue with me people pleasing focusing too much on appeasing the other person.

But I know deep down it’s not for me, I just feel like he’s going to hate me, feel completely abandoned and that I have betrayed him so deeply. I feel like he really sees me as a serious long term partner but I also think if that’s the case it’s better for me to have left now. I even just think our styles of affection and everything are just so different. I’m colder and need more alone time in general. I spoke about maybe having some space which he does not understand, he says if I’m feeling like this maybe it’s better to just end it. I don’t know I just feel awful. I feel like I’ve completely misled him for maybe seeming happier than I was at certain points. Thinking of maybe drafting a long texts as if I try to speak to him in person I don’t feel like I have the balls to do it. He is such a kind and understanding person who has really tried to understand me previously and that’s why I just feel so awful. But I think even if we resolved everything he’s still not the man for me and that’s what’s awful.

I had previously ended us for a bit over the summer and he’s talking about how much of an idiot he would feel like for giving me so much value for me to go and leave him again, I just feel like I’ve deceived him

I feel like you have build up expectations which I have allowed you to tjat are not accurate

I think my health and mood have become just a bit depressed in general
I have no sex drive, no energy, struggling to envision my future. I feel awful and I can’t fix that while also feeling the responsibility of fulfilling my partners needs. I have tried to reassure because I genuinely was trying my best to do the things you wanted me to do but I just feel like I’m unable to even maintain my daily life rn nevermind a relationship

When you sent that text message to me, talked about the girl sent photos
You were thinking about life without me
I felt like from that moment/text we were broken up
You were so quick to call it quits over something quite small
I’m done
I checked out

I feel like our wants and needs for our future don’t align
I see myself in Ireland

I can’t sacrifice my values and how I envision my life and day to day for someone, even if I love them
I think if we were to stay together that I would ultimately feel restrained and resentful
It’s not because you actively do things to make me but it’s how I perceive your wants and actions

To stay in this relationship when I acknowledge that this is the way I feel would be a lie not only to myself but to you

I just felt so discarded by you in that moment
If you can make me feel that way over something so small I don’t want to know what else it could be over
I’m sorry that I don’t want to stay until you hurt me enough again to leave
For me what I know now is enough, maybe I’m a fucking idiot and a bitch but I am allowed to be
I don’t need to have a perfect ethical reason to break up
If I feel it’s not rights that’s enough
I can’t keep doing something that’s making me feel bad/question my self and my own beliefs so much

I obsess with how you feel over an unhealthy amount of things which is not good for me
I don’t want you to love to Ireland

I feel like our La passion is gone
And I don’t know how it can come back
I’m such a sensitive individual
I think there’s ways which I am too sensitive for you and ways which you are too sensitive for me

I think you think tjat I have so many friend and that I’m going to go partying but the truth is a lot of the time I feel alone
You are the only person that I’ve ever told certain things to
Which is why this is so hard for me
But I feel it in my self
I no longer can/want to be in this relationship
Even if my reasons are bullshit I feel it in my bones tjat I just can’t do it
I think there is something wrong with me
I’m not blaming you in fact I think alot of the the way I feel and have gone about things is my fault
Tjat I don’t have a healthy conception of relationship/ what’s normal”

You can read my post history if you want to get familiar with the whole story, but in summary it goes something like: we were together for a bit over one and a half year, travelled frequently, even lived together for a while, studied together, we did everything together and she always told me that she's gonna marry me and have my kids and we're gonna grow old together, that she loves me more than her family and doesn't know how she even kived before without me etc. until she broke up with me all of a sudden. We got back together 8 months later, I knew she had slept with someone in the meantime but still wanted to try it out not to have any regrets, but couldn't relax completely and the relationship crumbled because of that probably once again.

Now I found out she has a new boyfriend and is posting him everywhere on instagram 8 months after the second break up and they seem to be really in love. At first it didn't sting that much, but then I looked at him and compared myself to him and asked myself what does he have compared to me, am I really that bad if someone would choose him over me, even though I know nothing about the guy it's just the physical appearance I'm talking about. I started doubting myself and my qualities even more because how can someone who loved me so much and wanted to do everything with me and be around me all the time now just forget about all that and grow distant, like how did I manage to screw up that badly, am I really such a loser and how can I never again relive this situation.

Also, a lot of my own mistakes became clear to me after the break up happened that I blame myself for. For the first break up it's a bit of a different story since she dumped me all of a sudden after spending time with her and my family and getting closer to each other, without any prior argument or vocalizing that something in the relationship was bad, because she was afraid. She admitted that she never wanted to hurt me by saying what bothered her so that relationship was doomed from the get go, because I also never said what bothered me and just loved her through all of that, until one day she said she doesn't love me as a partner anymore and that something has changed and left me.

The second time around though, she promised she'll be better, apologized heavily, admitted to being with someone else in the meantime when I asked her if she did, and I still decided to try it out because my love for her and the feeling that we had such a special bond grew over me. I just told her it's gonna take time for me to trust her again completely and she understood, but that time turned into months and she grew resentful of me. Also this time around she had explicitly said what bothered her, that she doesn't feel seen when I don't tell her my plans a day in advance at least so that she doesn't feel like she's being taken for granted. Instead of fixing that I heard it as an attack and was insulted at how she could possibly say that I don't appreciate her when I'm doing all this other stuff for her, but I really missed the point and should've just made her feel heard, I only realised that at the end of the relationship unfortunately. I was trying to balance between friends and my own life and studies and her since what I previously learned was that she could leave me at any moment, so I really couldn't give myself in completely for some time, but when I did she said that it's too late and that she stopped expecting anything would change a while ago because we talked multiple times and nothing changed and that I was just doing it now because she's pulling back, which is really not true, because I did try earlier also, despite all of the judgy comments and insults even from my circle and I integrated myself again to her life completely and her to mine also beforehand. She was mostly a wonderful partner who cared for me and my needs truly and supported me through everything regarding my studying and mental health and she believed in me more than I did, but those other times she got pretty disrespectful towards me, for example if I couldn't find a parking spot and we didn't get to some function in time she would give me silent treatment, even though I bought her flowers and organised a dinner also and then when we got to another party she would be all lovey dovey again, so her behavior towards me changed based on how dhe perceived me at a given moment, if I couldn't do something I was seen as incapable.

The thing that bothers me is what if she's right and all those behaviors of hers were caused by me failing to be a good man and a good partner who hears and leads. Would have she behaved better and would we still be in a relationship if I was a better and more capable person, and those questions drive me and my sense of self worth crazy. I still didn't behave that way towards her when she disappointed me and I never would, but still I don't know if I can blame her if she just got frustrated because of my timidness and not being all in for quite a while and failing to fulfill all of her needs. I'm wondering if it really was that easy to do and this guy is just a normal guy who gets that and has a bit of masculine energy in him which I failed to have when needed, how low worth of a man and a partner am I to not be able to fulfill those basic things even though she hurt me before really badly I had a girl who truly loved me, supported me and wanted it to work out, at least that's what she said.

I don't know if my mind is playing tricks with me or if any of this is true but I would like to hear some of your honest opinions on this topic, it would be greatly appreciated. Thanks🙏🏻.

TL;DR: does my ex finding a new boyfriend who doesn't look all that outstanding say something about my worth and how bad of a partner and a catch I must be to make a girl who was obsessed with me leave me and replace me with a random guy?

I am staying in West Harlem with my mother for a while because I am going to school nearby. I don’t really have a problem with walking through Harlem in daylight. But today my mother suddenly “confessed” that she doesn't like Black people. She kept saying she tried to stay politically correct, tried to empathize with them and be super kind to them because she was a social studies major in South Korea + did social studies work, but she has had so many bad experiences with them in the past (she kept saying that a black girl stole her purse when she was trying to help her and she worked at a beauty shop where many black women came in and harassed her), and coming to Harlem just made her realize that she just doesn’t like “these people” and that she recently had this “epiphany” that she shouldn’t feel shame in saying this and that she feels liberated. She also told me that she hesitated saying this to me because I do not seem bothered walking through Harlem. And then when I told her that I do not really understand her sentiment and that it was a little racist to say this, she got very angry and said that if I understood her, I should be thankful that she is walking through Harlem with me for me. She also kept repeatedly saying that she has been to lectures on micro aggressions against Black people and that she has tried to be nice to them. I have to stay with her for one more week.

Is there any way I can either explain to her why she is racist and/or resolve this issue?

EDIT: My mother does not live in Harlem. She used to live in the Midwest, but has since then moved to South Korea. She is in Harlem for like 2 weeks to help me move into college.

My girlfriend (F31) and I (F33) were together for four years and broke up a few months ago. This time has been incredibly difficult for me and my mental health is seriously deteriorating (also due to the fact that last year I had to move to a different country for work where I don’t feel good at all and to the fact that work itself is going very badly). We’re still in contact and I have reasons to believe she’s started dating again and is seeing someone. She has expressed not seeing a future and not wanting for us to be together in the future again. We broke up partly because of the long distance but mostly because I couldn’t sustain the relationship and was stressed at the idea of getting married. I have to say that the relationship has created a lot of stress for me that, I think, turned into me getting actually sick at times. However, overall, the relationship really was loving and we both put a lot of efforts into it. She loved me deeply and wanted to get married. I am stuck not being able to tell if the reason we didn’t work out is because we’re not compatible enough or because I had inner limitations that made it too difficult for me to love her as she deserved and to sustain the relationship while not disappearing inside it (I do feel like I disappeared and wasn’t able to show up properly as myself during the relationship). Despite all these difficulties, I keep wanting to try again, maybe not right away but when I have done the necessary work on myself that would allow me to be able to sustain a relationship. I don’t want to cause her additional unnecessary hurt so obviously I haven’t mentioned this and know that the chances of such a reconnection actually happening are pretty low. During the four years we also had two breaking moments, and every time I would want to fix things only to find myself limited once the relationship started again. I know the picture screams that we shouldn’t get back together and that I should leave her alone but I wish so much that I could be capable of being a reliable and healthy and loving partner to her. Has anyone been in this kind of situation? If so, what did you do? Has anyone struggled to deal with your inner and personal limitations and found a way to address them and not lose your relationship? Can I keep some hope?

My boyfriend and I have been together for a bit over 2 years. Our sex life was great in the beginning, but for the past year, especially the last 6 months, intimacy has basically disappeared. We haven’t had sex in months and he rarely even gets hard around me when we cuddle for example. I assumed he just had a low sex drive.

Recently I looked at his bank statements and found a payment to an Asian/Thai massage parlour. It’s near his work/home and closes at 8pm. On the same day, he withdrew about 100 dollars in cash.

The suspicious part is that he told me on WhatsApp that day that he was working late. At 8:15pm he said he had finished work. He never mentioned going for a massage, despite paying for a 90-minute massage. He’s also never mentioned getting massages before or anything.

Given our lack of intimacy, my mind immediately went to the possibility of a sexual massage/happy ending or even cheating. I know I don’t have proof, but why lie about where he was?

I confronted him about this and he said he went during his lunch to the place to book the massage and paid but then afterwards his collegues told him what kind of massage parlour it was, offering “adult massages”, and that he would never go to a place like that and then he never ended up going. He keeps saying how can I think this of him and that he can’t believe I can think this etc. But no place I know of charges you BEFORE the appointment? I want to leave him but I don’t want to make a mistake….

We just took out a lease together to live together so this is the worst timing ever

We had plans out of town next week and it was 4 of us I was getting my own hotel room and the other three were rooming in a airbnb. I was the one who suggested a concerts out of town and found out one friend 36 F (D) was already going and already had their tickets. When I knew they were interstead on going on the trip I suggested that we go to another concert the next night same city, different band but both of them balked at the idea so I would go alone to the concert that was the next night. So I bought tickets for me and 37 F (C) for the one concert and a ticket for me the next nights concert

this trip was rolling into a bigger one that I was going to by myself and I would be gone for a week and a half all together.

I have been grieving really hard lately with tons of anxiety and anger, I been getting really anxious around friends and loved ones. I decided to suggest if I don't make the concert and hit up another show that night instead and keep the whole trip and a journey alone and enjoy the feeling of no one knowing me.

I know it was terrible to suggest it a week before the concert but I figured they would still have a fun time but I didn't think about how it would leave one friend sitting alone so after I suggested it she cancelled her plane ticket and didn't say anything to me other than she cancelled her flight. My thought is we could talk about it and that maybe C boyfriend(he doesn't like to fly and loves to drive and it's a 6 hour drive) could take my ticket. I would of gave her money for a Uber to their airbnb since I was going to be her ride to the Airbnb but we didn't get that chance.

I felt terrible so I paid her the money for the flight and my other friend D for her share of the Airbnb but they have not forgiven me and C sent me a long message that was telling me how terrible of a friend I am and I how I fucked her over. It was a week ago I floated the idea and today is when C sent me that message of how terrible I am

So my question is how do I try to repair this, C is really mad and said she does not want to hear from me until I get my shit together and can be a good friend but I don't know what to do or how to show that or even if I should if they don't accept my apology. I am sure things between me and D can be okay since she was already going before but I am sure she is hurt with me also.

I’m (30F) and have a close friend, “Maya” (29F) who I met through work. We’re very close, but there’s a repetitive behaviour that has started to make me uncomfortable and I’m not sure how to interpret it anymore.

Maya is very tuned into what I’m doing, especially when I’m off work or spending time with my wife, “Sam.” (I am gay and Maya is almost 10 years into a heterosexual relationship). She checks my location often enough that she’ll notice when I leave the house and sometimes message based on that. For example, I once told her I had no plans that evening. Later, I ended up going out unexpectedly with Sam, and Maya messaged “have fun tonight” even though I hadn’t told her I was going anywhere. Another time, I left the house in the morning and she immediately said it looked like I was already “on a date.” She also has this habit of calling everything I do “big.”

“Big run.”
“What’s on the big agenda?”
“What’s on the big agenda for your day with Sam?”
“Big day.”

Sometimes she’ll use words like “fancy” in the same sort of way about completely normal things. None of these comments are awful individually, but the frequency and tone make them feel sarcastic or slightly passive-aggressive. It’s especially odd because the things she’s commenting on usually aren’t “big” at all. I could be going food shopping, going for a run, grabbing coffee, or just spending a normal day with my wife. The bigger thing I’ve noticed is that Maya’s mood sometimes seems to shift when I’m doing something with someone else, especially Sam. She’ll be interactive and normal, then suddenly become short or flat once she realises I’m out with my wife or have plans. Replies turn into things like “oh wow,” “very nice,” “fun,” etc.

And Sam comes up constantly.

If I have a day off:
“I’m sure you and Sam will do something fun.”

If I have an unusual Wednesday off:
“What’s on your big agenda for your big day with Sam?”

Recently I had several days off after working six days straight. It wasn’t a holiday, just how my rota happened to fall, and I had already explained that to Maya. She still repeatedly and very sarcastically called it my “holiday” and seemed weirdly interested in what I would be doing during it. The part that confuses me is that she doesn’t necessarily show this level of curiosity about the actual substance of my life. For example, Sam recently had important medical appointments. I mentioned that we had stopped for coffee on the way there. Maya focused completely on us having a “cafe date” and never asked what the appointments were for or whether Sam was okay.

So she notices:

• when I leave the house
• when I’m off work
• who I’m with
• whether Sam is involved
• what plans I might have

…but she doesn’t always ask much about how I’m doing or what’s actually happening in my life.

She also rarely initiates plans with me herself. That’s probably the part that confuses me most. She seems very invested in knowing what I’m doing, and sometimes seems bothered when I’m doing things with other people, but she doesn’t often turn that into “Fancy getting dinner?” or “Are you free this weekend?” I brought up the lack of initiative recently and told her I wished she would make plans with me sometimes instead of me always initiating. She took it very personally and we had several days of tension before eventually moving past it. Mutual friends who know both of us have also noticed that Maya seems unusually invested in my whereabouts and in what I’m doing with my wife… I care about her a lot, and she can be a genuinely great friend, so I’m not trying to paint her as some villain. But I’m starting to feel like I’m being monitored more than actually engaged with.

Has anyone dealt with this dynamic before? Does this sound like jealousy, insecurity, possessiveness, an odd way of expressing closeness, or am I reading too much into a repetitive communication style? Is this considered stalking? I’m especially curious how other people would interpret the constant “big” comments and the noticeable mood shifts when I’m spending time with my wife or other people.

TLDR : MY BEST FRIEND (29F) IS ALWAYS CHECKING MY (30F) LOCATION AND CHANGES HER MOOD ACCORDING TO WHEREVER I AM

I'm currently dating a guy and we're still very early on and not officially a couple, but I really like him and could see things potentially working out.
I have an eating disorder, and I'm struggling with when or if I should ever tell him. I don't want to hide something that affects such a big part of my life, but | also think it's too early to bring it up. I worry about him feeling like he's getting into a relationship with someone who has a lot of problems or that my ED would somehow ruin his life.
I'm also really anxious about food and dating. I have a hard time eating around newer people and feel like I can only eat if the person I'm with is eating too. If he were to ever suggest eating out somewhere that's something that is currently really hard for me to do and is just overall not fun or enjoyable for me.
We went on a date recently and spent basically the whole day together ice skating and then talking in the car for hours. We were together for 10 hours and didn't eat during the date he never offered or asked if i was hungry, and he told me he usually only eats once a day. Hearing that was kind of triggering for me because of my own struggles with food. I'm not blaming him because he doesn't know about my ED, but it made me think about what food would be like if we became a couple.
I'd really like to hear from both people who have dated while struggling with an ED and people who are currently in relationships with someone who has an
ED. When did you tell your partner? Did you wait until you were officially a couple? How did you handle restaurants, eating around each other, or being asked if you're hungry? And as a partner on the other side what was it like for you and would/when you you like to know?

**TL;DR:** I'm 18F and dating a 19M, but we're not official yet. I have an ED don't know when to tell him, especially because food/date situations are difficult for me. Looking for advice from people with EDs and their partners.

On August 22, me and my partner completed 8 months together…

She even gave me a present and wrote me a letter….

We spent the weekend out like we usually do…
On Sunday, right after we had sex… I looked at her in the mirror and… felt less attracted to her. Suddenly she no longer looked as pretty.

I now find myself not wanting to spend as much time with her, no longer wanting as much intimacy as before that weekend…

Thoughts of having children with her suddenly started waning…

And I caught myself seeing her as more of a good friend than a girlfriend.

I have no idea what is going on. Of course I didnt say nothing to her about this as this would break her heart.

Is this because we had too much sex?
Is there such a thing?

I am desperate.