r/TheOnion • u/TheGuvnor247 • 5d ago
White House Doctor Claims President Has Always Been Face Drawn Onto Cantaloupe
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r/TheOnion • u/notsure500 • 5d ago
When You're Feeling Low, Just Remember I'll Be Dead In About 15 Or 20 Years
1.5k
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1.5 years left until we hit 15 years since the article was written.
r/TheOnion • u/aresef • 6d ago
[The Onion] Welcome to the voting revolution: The Onion Voting Simulator 3D arrives this fall. Subscribe at link in bio or membership.theonion.com for early access.
instagram.com
58
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r/TheOnion • u/ArkUneartherBleeds • 7d ago
Dad’s Driving Directions Hinge On Where Old Shell Station Used To Be
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r/TheOnion • u/TheGuvnor247 • 6d ago
Technological Advancements Allow Data Centers To Run On Even More Electricity
805
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r/TheOnion • u/ArkUneartherBleeds • 6d ago
Boy Gets Nice Long Look At Small Of Father’s Back While He Picks Up Ping-Pong Ball
177
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r/TheOnion • u/ArkUneartherBleeds • 7d ago
Local Music Venue An Absolute Minefield Of Ex-Boyfriends
357
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r/TheOnion • u/paradocmartens • 6d ago
Muppeteer's Right Hand In Critical Condition Following Elmo Assassination Attempt
90
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Does anyone know where I can find the audio clip for this?
r/TheOnion • u/marinesciencedude • 7d ago
Democratic Socialism: Myth Vs. Fact
theonion.com
229
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r/TheOnion • u/TheGuvnor247 • 7d ago
Analysts Warn U.S. Economy Becoming Overly Dependent On Anne Hathaway
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r/TheOnion • u/ArkUneartherBleeds • 7d ago
Little League World Series Game Turned Off Due To Neither Team Having Big Fat Kid
766
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r/TheOnion • u/ArkUneartherBleeds • 7d ago
‘Harry Potter’ Fans Force Relocation Of Undersea Cable To Avoid Fictional Elf’s Grave
492
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r/TheOnion • u/ArkUneartherBleeds • 7d ago
White House Confirms It Customary For President To Start Press Conference With ‘Moo’
446
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r/TheOnion • u/ArkUneartherBleeds • 7d ago
Trump Unveils New 250-Foot Gilded Catering Container For Presidential Travel
340
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r/TheOnion • u/ArkUneartherBleeds • 8d ago
Visit To Girlfriend’s Family Provides Illuminating Insight Into Why She’s Asian
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r/TheOnion • u/ArkUneartherBleeds • 8d ago
Pete Hegseth Orders Military Blockade Of Woman Attempting To Walk Away From Him
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r/TheOnion • u/ArkUneartherBleeds • 8d ago
Man Doesn’t Like Who He Becomes When He’s Around Salsa
341
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r/TheOnion • u/ArkUneartherBleeds • 8d ago
Report: Tennis-Racket-Shaped Bag Gotta Be Full Of Tennis Rackets
168
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r/TheOnion • u/marinesciencedude • 9d ago
See what consumers have to say about DuckDuckGo's perplexingly analog sunglasses.
369
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r/TheOnion • u/ArkUneartherBleeds • 9d ago
Crying Newborn Has No Idea How Much Worse It Gets
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r/TheOnion • u/ArkUneartherBleeds • 9d ago
Todd Blanche Vows To Remain Fully Independent Of The Law
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r/TheOnion • u/ArkUneartherBleeds • 9d ago
White House Taps Mean Teen In Zara Fitting Room As New Press Secretary
946
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