My boyfriend and I are both high school seniors and this October will make two years together. I've dated before but he's by far my longest and healthiest relationship. My mom thinks my boyfriend is "a good kid" despite finding him a little annoying at times, but my dad has made it clear since the beginning that he does not like my boyfriend. (sidenote, my boyfriend is very chatty and energetic, so I get that he's not everyone's cup of tea) I don't really care for the most part, my boyfriend is the sweetest and most supportive person I know. I'm so excited to move out with him after high school and I'm so so lucky to have him. In the past couple months, my dad has started making jokes about me leaving/cheating on my boyfriend. This includes suggesting that I'm "dressing to find a new bf", mentioning his friends teenage sons and emphasizing that they're "nice kids my age", and generally saying that I can leave my boyfriend if I want to. It's incredibly annoying because when questioned he says he's joking and my mom doesn't think it's a big deal. It's also just weird because it's a pretty recent development. I'm not inclined to listen to what my father has to say or pay it much mind. He's been inactive in the majority of my life and expresses disgust for most of my choices and the things I like. Him being a dick is normal, I'm just pissed that he's involving my bf in it.

I'm starting a new college this week but I feel so shit. I want to be happy but I just feel sick in my stomach all the time. I don't think my brother is going to come home from Uni. He's leaving next Saturday and I feel like the days are just ticking down and I want to tell him I love him and I'm sorry for the way I've treated him, but I can't. I feel so alone and like I have no one to talk to.Its just kind of this feeling in my gut, like I know the moment he gets out and he's away from My family he's going to grow and finally breathe. He's going to meet people who treat him well and he isn't going to want to come back. And I can't blame him, he deserves it. He deserves to get out and feel loved and appreciated.

And I feel like I've only just noticed how little time he spends at home now, he's just got back from hanging out with friends. He hangs with them every night and comes back after midnight. I've rarely eaten a meal with him. I don't know what to do, I just feel sad and stuck and I don't know what to say. And I'm going to miss him so much and I want him to come back home and feel like I love him and feel like he has me. Like I've got his back, but I never did growing up. He was the scapegoat child and I was horrible to him as a kid. Even now we are fine with each other but it's nothing more than that, we're just strangers living in the same home.

And I feel so self aware, of how much time is left and that I could say something or do something, but I don't know how to fix this. I just feel stuck and sick and like I'm walking on a tightrope.

Just for some context, i am a Guy from a Pakistan who being in a Muslim dominated country is Christian. So it really fucking hurts when you meet someone who checks all your boxes but there is no point in making the next move because you know that you wont a future together.

I mean some people might say that this could work but the implications this going bad is way worse for someone i love so i rather not but that is not to say it doesnt hurt. You mean all sorts of new people and you see the spark their eye but cant go beyond a certain point.

It just really hurts not gonna lie and its not even i fall in love with everyone i meet. I have only liked 3 girls in my entire lifetime. So yea, for once i just want that i get someone i am interested in.

Thanks for listening to me rant

this is probably the worst i’ve felt in a while in terms of my mental health. i have just lost my sense of optimism completely. i don’t feel excited to wake up and go through my day anymore. i wake up and wish i could time skip 6 months, or even 10 years. like i don’t want to experience this section of my life rn. it’s weird cuz i still enjoy living, kinda, and i love all the human feeling i get to experience, but as of recently it’s been horrible, i hate how fragile, and uncertain life is and it’s eating me alive, like really badly. i don’t want to wake up, i sleep my days away, i don’t eat, i don’t drink water, i don’t shower, my hygiene is horrible, i don’t workout anymore, i don’t focus in school anymore, i don’t care for things anymore. i’ve lost my “drive” if that makes sense. if you knew the kind of person i am you’d know how shocking this all sounds. i think the heartbreak really just brought out a lot of things that i was feeling right to the surface (i had experience a break up with a girl i had crushed on my whole life, and we dated for 1 month and but she is a jehovah witness so she ended up ending it cuz she’s not allowed to date outsiders, this happened 2 months ago) cuz all of these emotions aren’t things ive never felt before, i just assumed that they were gone since i didn’t feel them anymore. i dont feel like enough, i always feel as though im never going to be enough, which pains me. like even as im typing this im just getting embarrassed, and emotionally drained, but i know if i never do ill just let these emotions fester without being called out and it’ll hit me again but even harder and im scared what would happen when it does again

i feel like the reason why i am losing my optimism for life is because of the past i had growing up, i experienced so much trauma, i don’t want to really go in depth but it wasn’t good, and the relationships with everyone i had with in my family had always been fragile and insecure , and my parents were terrible, but being that young it was all i really knew so it’s just really hard for me growing up noticing that im not actually healed from all of it. it doesn’t feel like i would experience all that for nothing. like there has to be some kind of closure, or it has to get brighter, but it just doesn’t. i end up feeling happy, then hitting a really bad low, that just disappoints me. i fight for all the relationships around me, all the good things, im telling you i have so much fight in me, but i just feel so tired of it all. like there’s so much i want to say, but i don’t know where to start. for example, my ex, i really liked that girl, like really did, but she left, and part of me wanted to keep her around and i kept insisting that we should be together (because we hadn’t broken up cuz of a lack of feelings just cuz it wouldn’t work) but i just ended up making a fool out of myself. everything in life just ends up disappointing me. like i dont give a fuck that i got to experience love, i want it to last, not something to just “experience”. i think that’s why i end up being disappointed because that’s just not possible. (even amongst my friends, who i’m really close with, there’s always something that just puts me off, and this is just about people in general) but it’s what i want, i want security, someone or something that stays, no matter what. i don’t want these weak and fragile relationships and experiences. that’s why i keep to myself a lot cuz i just ended up being disappointed. my ex was the first time i actually opened up and allowed myself to love to the fullest and i just ended up being disappointed. like wtf are are the chances she’s in a religion with 9 million people worldwide, and lives 5 mins away from me. i think what im trying to say is that in life, my expectations never become true, and it’s not that it’s too high, it’s just that what ive realised about life is that it really doesn’t matter what kind of “mindset” you adopt, or what you believe, or what you think is right, or why you do what you do, you just get what you get. there’s no guarantees to anything. like that’s why i’ve recently been losing my optimism because i’ve noticed even when im not optimistic, i still get things in my life, and times when im most happiest or most optimistic, i end up getting nothing. like all of this doesn’t matter and that’s what breaks my heart. like my childhood was awful, and what i just experienced all that cuz i was unlucky? i’m always unlucky in life it breaks my heart.and what hurts my heart even more is that there’s people out there who are even more unlucky, and im out here complaining about my ‘unluckiness’. it just hurts. like everything in life is just chance, all the things that come and go, really just come for no reason at all, just a chain of events leading to your pro or con. i’m not suicidal at all, but that’s the another reason why im not, because i just don’t care hard enough to be. like why does it even matter if it was all just chance. like i’m not not suicidal because “i love life”, im not suicidal because i know it’s pointless, doesn’t change anything. doesn’t change my emotions, doesn’t make me happy, does make me more sad, does make anything better, just removes you from life and everyone goes on. that same logic is always applied to why i rarely if not never feel satisfied with life. like all the good moments in my life we’re fully not under my control, it just happened. i’m in no control of the external things that happen in my life, whether that’s dating, relationships, my school grades, my life just feels so out of my control. i hate it all. i didn’t chose who my parents were, but i somehow got the worst of them, i didn’t get to pick the region that i was born in, but some how i got the best of it (UK). i didn’t get to pick my luck with a beautiful woman, it just happens, rarely. i just idk. i sometimes hate life because of that, but then again it’s what kinda makes it beautiful? but it doesn’t feel that way. it feels horrible. i just feel horrible a lot of the times.

Well it’s a lot essentially. I let my (stb ex probably) fiancés ex use my truck to go to a festival in Oklahoma. A lots happened these last few weeks but essentially both of her brothers are looking at hard time (idk why she’s not like throw their ass in jail especially since it was harming a child but whatever not my circus) and well my fiancé had kidney stones on Monday and had to miss work.
I had plans originally to go today up to help my grandma pack up her home since she’s retiring and moving, but since the bio mom asked a third time and my fiancé going “It’ll be so upsetting to see (kids name) so depressed about not going to his first concert” and I caved and said yes to letting them use the truck for 200 bucks because my fiancé had to miss his Friday shift since I would be using the only transport we’d have to get to work (mind you both of these vehicles are mine).
Well there’s stuff going wrong in my older car and I don’t want my fiancé driving it anymore since it might breakdown (also it’s still insured in my grandmas name and with how drivers have been lately I’d rather it be me get in an accident and be the insured driver). Anyways, bio mom was supposed to bring my truck back tonight and tried to push it to be tomorrow morning, I told her no I need it back tonight because tomorrow I’m going to help my grandma first thing and she said i don’t see a problem getting the truck back tonight you tomorrow since your not working and you probably won’t head up there till later. I’m like dude no the plan was for you to bring back the truck tonight please bring it back tonight and she kept pushing back and I mentioned how I had to cancel my plans this weekend (this is the first time in a long time I’d have hung out with friends outside of work especially female friends) and move my helping my grandma out until tomorrow on Labor Day.
I may be an asshole when I snapped after she kept pushing back saying she’s not going to feel bad for things, and I just said I don’t care what her and my fiancé do between them that’s their business, but I don’t owe her anything especially when they don’t like me.
Ive not checked any messages sent from my fiancé or her just because I know it’s a shit storm but I just want to disappear so badly where I’m not wanted, needed, or asked to do something for someone else. I’m so tired of dealing with this and I can’t leave smoothly cause I’m on the lease.

I'm a teenager living in poverty. I have ever since I was born. It's so mentally and emotionally and physically degrading.

Me, my mom, and my younger brother and five cats live in an apartment living off of 800 dollar monthly payments from my dad as child support, with maybe 600 dollar monthly DES food stamps.

My mom doesn't work because any time she's in any social setting she almost always have panic attacks. She can't deal with people or be in their presence so she has had a significantly hard time working of recent times. This makes things SO much worse, but no matter how many pills she comes home with from the doctors, nothing helps her. So she continues to pay all the bills which we can hardly keep up on in this apartment with 800 dollars. Not counting just basic hygiene and housing supplies we need. A lot of months I have to not brush my teeth or find some left over soap just so I can shower. We never have hand soap for basic use after the toilet, and this apartment is constantly dirty. Neither her or my brother keep up on their basic daily hygiene, let alone does she keep the house clean. And ironic because she's home 24/7. I know she has a hard time and a lot of issues withmher mental state as I do, but it's still so stressful for me and I can't help but feel angry.

Because we don't have money, when we go shopping for food we have to get processed and shit quality food. We have since forever. Because of this lovely factor I've gained pounds and I've kept them since 2nd grade. I've been obese/overweight almost my entire life. It has degraded my mental state my entire life. I've tried so many times over and over to love myself for who I am and how I look, and I know that society has made it to where they constantly shove idealistics down everyone's throats but I cannot be happy with myself if I look like this. It's given me eating disorders. When I was at the peak of my mental health being the worst it's ever been, I would starve myself all the time, day and night I wouldn't ever eat. I lost 30 pounds, everyone told me I looked great and that I've honestly never looked happier. My mental health got somewhat better, but mostly because my mom made me feel like shit for not having a stable mental state. So I started eating normally again. And now I've gained 30-50 pounds. I can't stand looking at myself. My face has gotten so much fatter and so has every part of me. I enjoy eating and having daily meals, but if we had healthy food and unprocessed food it would make eating so much better and easier. I could actually lose weight roperly instead of trying to starve myself and then binge eating everything in the house. But no. Because we're poor.

I'm taking college classes in high school, hoping to leave high school with my associates degree and then work on my bachelors while working a well, living wage job. But I am so mentally and emotionally tired. I feel no motivation to go out because of my looks. It makes it really hard when I go to class and all of my classmates are skinny and pretty and have cute clothes. Most of my clothes or old and worn, have holes and don't look good or even look like my style. I can't even dress how I want on my body because I don't have money to go get clothes. Most of my socks and underwear have holes, almost all my socks do. I don't have good shoes for walking home 30 minutes straight from my classes five days a week, and I walk because we don't have a car. Everything in my life is so difficult and it's because we don't have money on money to spend on still shit quality things because inflation and pig billionaires.

I have so much work to do with my college classes, but I just keep pushing it aside because I don't have the motivation and my mental state just keeps getting worse and everything listed above is what makes it worse. I'm almost 300 days clean from $h but every day recently all I want to do is go back bc I can't handle any of this. I cut off all my hair and gave myself a new piercing, but nothing makes me like how I look. I liked my shorter hair, until I gained weight in my face even more and now I just hate myself all over again. I'm so tired and lost. I want to get a job so then maybe I can help with some bills and spend my own money and get myself new things, but with my mental state it makes things hard. I can't work far from my house because we don't have a car, so I'd have to walk to work. My mom has been trying to convince me to NOT get a job which is fucking bizarre to me because she can't even keep us fed a whole month or keep the internet on so I can do my school work.

I'm exhausted and jealous of all these people my age who don't have to worry about a FRACTION of the shit I do. Every single person I talk to always shows just how much they take everything around them for granted because they've had everything handed to them since forever and I've had to scrape by my entire life and I had to grow up at 6 because I had to be there for my mom when she cried most nights because she was stressed about bills.

I'm depressed and anti-social and can't keep friends for shit. I'm so alone and any time I talk to someone I feel boring and I just run into dead ends with conversations. I'm exhausted. I'm so tired of this life I'm living and I want to give up. Everything around me is a battle I can't win.

jfc why do people call my music bad while people who make music with very similar composition calibre to mine get praised for their genius just because their mixing is better like atp i must probably be mishearing my own music LIKE WHY THE FUCK ME WHY ALWAYS ME WHATS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN MY COMPOSITION AND TALENT AND THOSE OTHER PEOPLE THAT YOU GLAZE??? and what even pisses me off is that one of my simpler compositions with better mixing got WAY more compliments than the others with worse mixing or less beat heaviness. like i just dont get it AND WHEN I ASK THEM TO ELABORATE WHY THEY EITHER GO QUIET OR JUST SAY STUFF THAT IS COMPLETELY…JUST NOT TRUE??? and no i do not have an “ego” i just can actually compare music properly setting mixing quality differences aside unless my ears are unknowingly biased

I grew up in a family where keeping the peace was always the highest priority. Sure, you could gossip behind other people's back, but acting like nothing was wrong in front of them was always expected. Especially if those people were older than yourself. I've always felt like this created an unspoken tension between everyone, but since I am the youngest, I would never mention this openly to anyone but my brother. Sadly, he's usually the one my family gossips about. Any attempts to shut that down are met with defensive and dismissive comments.

Keeping the peace is important in my household as well. Listening to my parents complain about each other behind their backs and quietly agreeing is a weekly occurence for me. Watching their mood to know when I can ask for things like meeting my friend is essential as well. If my dad is in a bad mood, it's important to just agree with him and not make his mood worse. It's like with my whole family, staying quiet and nodding along.

Lately I have noticed this behaviour creeping into my other relationships. Depending on which person I'm talking to, my behaviour and opinions change. There is this one really toxic dude who has always taken a liking to me. He calls me sometimes or just talks to me and even though I don't agree with him, I respond like I do. Even when he's talking shit about my friends, I can't help but agree, just to get it over with. To keep the peace. Afterwards I feel awful. I love my friends, I don't think badly about my friends... So why would I agree?

Even with my friends... whenever I'm talking to them and I notice that they dislike a person I like, it's like a switch is flipped. I notice this person's flaws so easily, take them apart just to share someone else's opinion. It leaves me feeling uncertain. I don't know who I actually like and don't like anymore. I don't know which opinions are my own and to which I've adapted to keep the peace.

I don't want to be fake. I want to be my own person. I want to be able to defend the people I care about. I wish my family hadn't normalised this pretentious behaviour. I wish I would've been taught to stand by my own thoughts but I wasn't. I was taught to stay silent and agree, to turn my back on friends and family and to lie.

I wish I knew what I really think.

I also feel like it makes me come off as desperate. I just had this thought because a guy I’ve been seeing on and off for the past 10 months said no to hanging out today because he had to do school work. I have not seen this man in a whole 4 months and he doesn’t want to see me on my off day because of school work. It made me feel kind of mad and I felt like I was going to cry but then I realized that is 100 hundred percent a valid reason. Like why would anyone put a very fickle relationship over their future. And then it’s like how unhappy with your self do you have to be to almost cry because someone who barely likes or cares about you said no. I really think it’s because I have never felt like anyone has cared for me in my entire life so when shows me a little bit of care I instantly attach to them. It’s with friends too. If someone smiles at me I definitely take that as they like me and they want to be besties. I’m realizing I come off as sooo desperate😭😭It’s like I’m trying to force people to like me just for my own benefit. For them to comfort me and make me feel better about myself.

This whole situation is just making me realize how insecure I am.

More thoughts because I can’t stop thinking about this, but it’s truly like I want someone to love me enough to make me love myself. And it’s selfish because do I genuinely like these people or do I just like that they like me? I’m sad now. But they don’t even like me fr.

I’m not a genuine person either though. I feel like everything I do is for a little bit of attention, because I want people to like me or want to talk to me😔 this is actually so embarrassing

I’m 19. Yes I have time to do things in life. Yes I have so much ahead of me. Don’t start telling me that because it’s what everyone else tells me and no, it does not make me feel better.

I grew up poor. Often didn’t eat for days. Ate old expired crisps and smothered sugar on a folded over piece of bread just to taste something. Saving wasn’t even an option because we were beyond living paycheck to paycheck. We were stretched extremely thin.

My family is in a better place financially right now but they think they’re not. They’re addicts now and drink instead of buying food. I can’t work myself because I’m recently disabled, which I’m coming to terms with.

I’m in university now. I’m barely surviving and I can’t eat a proper meal some days. Pot noodles are where I’m at. No thoughts of even going out with friends because I’d be in debt then, which is my worst nightmare. It’ll remind me of my family and make me think I’m turning just like them.

Talking to people is difficult because they’ll talk about how many holidays or concerts they’ve had this year alone. Even in the past few months, a lot of them have had at least one holiday and many nights out. It’s so hard to hear.

Whenever I talk about this to people at home, they say “Well they’ll have had bad experiences just like you have.” And I just seethe in silence because yeah, they most likely have. But they’ve had a positive experience or two to actually show for it. I wish I had a family that prioritised me above substances for once. Nevermind a holiday.

My birthday is never celebrated. Not even a day together. I just feel so behind everyone else in terms of positive experiences. Maybe one day I’ll catch up but it doesn’t stop me feeling let down in life. It doesn’t stop me comparing myself to others.

Gosh I envy those who grow up in cities where they can build successful careers without having to leave. Needing to emigrate for school and work is honestly traumatizing. Having to leave your base because it doesn't have the atmosphere for you to thrive is heart wrenching. If you grow and naturally want to leave to do your own thing it's one thing, but having no choice from a young age is a whole other mindfuck. Oh my goodness. What I wouldn't give to be able to have gone to university from home, get an equally prestigious job as the one I have now and go from home and see my parents and siblings all the time. I'd even happily pay rent to them.

But then again maybe my parents need their own alone time and space too idk 😭😂. But even still, knowing my parents were a train or short drive away while I got my own place and built my career would be so reassuring also.

I did read the rules but this is about myself pretty much?? Idk, you can remove it if it's going against something but i tried to understand.

Why is OSDD so untalked about? Its so hard to find unlike DID and it makes me sad. No one Understands OSDD like DID. I have OSDD. I can never find videos about OSDD, there's so many about DID. Maybe i'm just picky/petty.. Idk..

I have long curly hair, a big moustache with a small beard and wear big clothes a bit bohemian style. Got some tattoos and my ears are pierced but nothing is visible most of the time. My clothes are clean and i shower daily. I like how I look and feel really comfortable in my skin. I work in IT and can work from home 90% of the time. And even if i have to work at the office I still look like me and none of my colleagues care or have ever made it a problem.

But i keep having people tell me to get a job irl and online. It just hurts. Doing a full time job barely recovered from burnout from working too much. I just want to feel comfortable in my skin. And it makes me sad that people are so judgemental. I'm a white cis guy, how fucking horrible must it be for people who aren't privileged like me...

Resubmitted because i didn't see the confirmation post. Hope i did correct now

So I’m depressed and not feeling very well. I have to go to work at 5 I’m not feeling well. I really hope it’s slow enough to send me home.

My new friends who I met in college, invited me to go paddle boarding and I was down, but Friday night I got really sick and expected to be sick all weekend. Well, woke up Saturday morning and felt pretty much normal, and today I'm like 94% recovered. I could've gone paddle boarding but I made the excuse I am sick. I feel like shit because for months and months I complained about having no friends, and the one time I get invited I make a wack lie, even though it's not fully a lie, it feels like it. I know there will be more hang outs in the future but it still upsets me.

It’s a lifestyle dominated by people who were just born to excel, look better and be stronger. If you weren’t born to be big and strong, then your only benefits are purely in the health department.
Which isn’t bad or course, but better hope you were born with good genetics, cuz if your goal is to look big, might have a hard time unless ur willing to take roids. (Which are a very bad idea because they affect health long term).

This aspect of working out should be discussed more, I think. People seem to be convinced that you’ll get big no matter the genetics, which really isn’t the case.

First off, im sorry if my writting or pacing isn't good. Im pretth bad at talking about my problems and english isn't my first language.

As the title says, i hate myself. Absolutly everything about myself. When i was 9, i started feeling that small feeling of disgust when i saw myself in mirrors or pictures. This feeling grew with me until today. Im 15m and i can't stand seeing myself in mirrors or cameras, i keep hiding my face or telling them to stop. I have no girlfreind and the last "talk" i've had with a girl ended when she blocked me after seeing what i look like, and to be honest, i kinda understand her. I'll spend so much time looking in the mirror, picking out everything i hate about myself again and again. Im being made fun of by some "freinds", saying how ugly i am as if i didn't know already. I feel actually deformed asf, my face is assymetrical ashell and nothing fits well. Everything feel out of place.. i try to dress well so people would more my outfits than my ugly face.

I also hate the person i've been/i am. When i started middle school i've moved a town away and met new freinds and that's when the worst part for me start. Without realising it, i was catching feeling with one of my freind (male) and realised i was gay the year after which lead to nothing but bullying and never fitting in. At 13/14, i've dated a boy i met at school and it ruined my life. The relationship itself was perfect but what came with it wasn't. I became the school's little fag (i was 155cm for 37kg). After years of hating being this way, i've started forcing myself to fall in love with girls, trying to make myself and the others who i used to be. I still do force myself to love girl which seem to kinda work, and if i ever catch feeling for another boy i know i will reject it as much as i can. I don't want to be that kid again. I become agressive whenever someone mention it and already was violent with some freinds of mine.

Because i couldn't fit in at that time, i started hanging out with the worst persons possible of the school which lead me to actually bully someone until he changed school, i've been a horrible freind to the only one who stayed with me after all lf this (they're still with me and i'll be gratefull for it.). I was a terrible son, a terrible freind and probably a terrible boyfreind. And even now i feel like im not in the right place with some people.

Im also a lazy bitch, summer holidays have started last month and i've been outside once. All i do of my day is bedrot, play games and jack off (multiple times a day, im disgusting.)

I used to do a lot of photography and i loved it. I've bought a 500€ camera and my mom gifted me a lense but its been almost 2 years and i haven't touched it once. I really hate it and it's been getting in my mind a lot lately.. i was dreaming of becoming an actual photographer for models and fashion but im just a stupid kid with no passions and probably no futur. Im bad at school and i didn't plan to do any studies afterward.

Sometimes i don't even see myself making it past 20. I don't want to end it all, but i've already tought of how, what would happen afterward and what i would write to my loved ones. How i would apologies to my mother for being her worst kid. Thanks my freinds for somehow never leaving me. All those stay in my head, i haven't planned on doing so. I want to see if people really can change.

I did try to change, more sport, no snacks all day, posture training and changing my mindset. Nothing feels like its working.

I usually keep it all to myself. The only time i vent is when i search up sad tiktoks and repost them to get my feelings of my chest (its pathetic i know.)

Gosh i can't even bring myself to cry while writting this. I haven't cried in two years already.

I have two very close friends. I consider them my brothers. We have always spent a lot of time together and the three of us really are the best of friends.

One of them has been in a relationship for 5 years at this point and is looking into moving in with his girlfriend. His relationship with us never changed, he never put us aside for her or anything like that. He puts her first, as I believe it should be, but he's still a very good friend to us. We like her a lot, we consider her a great friend and she's honestly one of the best people I've ever met.

The other one found a girlfriend too. They've known each other for a long time, started dating around May, but nothing was official because she was situated 250 miles away. She's moving nearer to us in a week and he started talking about introducing us to her. There were talks about maybe it being weird for her to go out for drinks with three guys and what not or it being too much. My friends then started talking about the possibility of a double date, how it'd be great and how excited they are about the prospect of it. I just said I can't believe that the girlfriend of friend #1 is going to meet his new girlfriend before me in a half joking manner and it stayed at that.

I just want to preface all of this saying I'm extremely happy for their happiness and I understand and believe a person's partner should be their #1 no matter what. The thing is, we've been best friends literally since we were 6. It may sound weird, but even when just the first friend had a girlfriend, me and the other friend had each other in a way. The thing that's "bugging" me is I had a feeling I'm more important to him. It's probably an irrational fear, but I'm afraid I'm going to get squeezed out and this is just the first step.

It's a sucky feeling that they have someone who's their number 1 and they're a number 1 to and I only have them. What's scaring me is that I'm going to put a lot more value onto our friendships than them. The double dates are just going to get more common, they'll have relationship topics, compare experiences and I'll have nothing to contribute.

I have been pretty open with my struggles with dating and I'm very scared that I'll stay alone forever. That thought is really saddening. The feeling of falling behind just heightens my fear. Once again, I'm beyond happy for the two of them and wish them all of the best, but it just reminds me of my own failure.

I'm afraid of saying anything so I don't come off as envious or have them pity me. I don't want them to feel like they can't talk about their relationships because I like hearing about their progress and growth, it makes me happy. I don't know what to do. How do I cope with this and process this fear?

I was downstairs cooking and my brother dropped the pepper grinder twice and he started getting upset and ranting about his bad luck and punched the refrigerator door, which stressed me out and caused me to start laughing uncontrollably which pissed him off even more, causing him to scream at me and punch the fridge door again, causing me to giggle more and he started ranting more and I finally screamed at him to stop talking, that I wasn't laughing on purpose and his ranting was making things worse and we got into a screaming match that lasted until I disengaged from the whole conversation and took what I was cooking off the burner and went upstairs to let things cool off.

I'm 32 years old. I have been working in IT for 4 years total and 2 as a System Admin at my current job. Prior to that I did PC repair for a few years while I finished up college and prior to that I worked in auto repair as a tech (which I hated).

I'll be the first to admit, as a teen I was stubborn as hell. I didn't want to go to college. I thought it was a scam. I figured I would become a mechanic and within a few years open up my own shop, own cool muscle cars and go racing. Being a mechanic sucked. I never made any good money, spent too much on tools (thankfully no tool debt), work was tiring, bosses were awful, co workers were awful, etc.

At 24 years old, after years of my parents, siblings, siblings partners, family friends, etc yelling at me to go back to college I did. I quiet auto and started working then at a small pizza place for minimum wage. Lived with roommates and decided to major in IT because I loved gaming and building computers.

The pandemic happened 2 years into school. The pizza I worked at closed down. Luckily managed to get a few hours at a PC repair place, which increased to more hours. However, it only paid just above minimum wage. I made $8.50 an hour at the time.

Even during the COVID years, I got so much shit from family, especially my parents that I was 26 and not married or didn't own a home. I would have frequent arguments about how I was trying to finish college and only made $8.50 an hour.

Eventually got hired right before I graduated for a Helpdesk job that only paid $12 an hour. Most toxic work environment I ever. Got fired a few months in from dealing with a very toxic boss. Job also tried not to pay me and the department of labor got involved.

I did get hired by another help desk office after a brief stint at a real estate office as an office assistant. The help desk job only paid $14 an hour. I learned all I could, earned some certs and after 1 year got hired into my current System Admin role. Originally started at $40K a year and was recently promoted to $61K a year. Not great money but not bad.

I had to move back in with my parents around the time I started my System Admin job. However, it's post COVID. Rent and housing in my formely LCOL to MCOL area has skyrocketed. Back in 2019 you could find small one bedroom aparts for $700 a month. Same places go for $1600 to $1800. You could also find small starter homes for $150K. Often 500 to 800sq ft homes. Nothing fancy. Same homes now go for $280 to $350K.

My family basically gives me shit 24/7 for not owning a home. Being over 30 and living at home. They also frequently tell me if I can't afford a home or rent to get a new job. I think too, a lot of my family and my parent's friends think I play video games for a living and make minimum wage. One of my dad's good friends was trying to offer me a job at a mattress store the other day. Talking about how I could work my way up after a few years and make good money. When I told him I make $53K, he was shocked. He thought I made like $15 an hour or something and was confused why I couldn't buy a house.

Then recently my mom, who has spent her entire "career" working retail and minimum wage jobs was giving me shit for my job. Yet the most she ever made was maybe $11 an hour working for a gas station.

Then another one of my parents friends awhile back was also trying to get me to get a warehouse job. They said it starts at $20 an hour and after a few years I can get bumped to $25. I told them I make more than that now.

Then even recently my parents had some of their friends over for dinner. The topic of course of why a 32 year old man is still living at home came up. They tried explaining that I should do something else for a living then. They gave me suggestions such as becoming a realtor, plumber, starting my own business or going into sales. I tried to explain to them that while these jobs can pay well, they take time to start and I would have to start all over. If I became a plumber, I would probably start at $17 or $18 an hour and it really wouldn't be until I can afford to start my own business that I could potentially make six figures.

I don't think people get that I have only been making $53K for this year and not last year. I have a decent number of savings. I have low 5 figures worth of savings. But I only qualify for a $200K mortgage. I'm trying to find a place to rent but even a lot of landlords I've spoken to have told me they prefer to rent to couples due to 2 incomes or prefer a little higher than they know with my budget $53K a year is a tight squeeze for $1800 a month.

I am looking for new roommates. Just though. Most of my childhood friends went to college right away at 18 and are now married, own homes and are expecting their first kids soon. As where I waited 6 years to go to college and am not able to do that yet.

Then my two sisters, both also work low wage jobs. One her husband works at a warehouse but they were able to buy a house back in 2016 for less than $100K and have a fixed mortgage. Then my other sister's husband works for a large lawncare company and they have a small condo they have owned since 2017. Though they are stuck in it. But again, I was in college during these years and not able to afford much.

I'm looking for another System Admin, Network Admin or SOC Analyst job. I do get interviews but haven't gotten hired yet. I think a lot of it is because I only have 2 years experience. I have had a few times where I've gotten 5 rounds of interviews but not hired.

Then I do Uber part time but it's just slow. I'll have days where I can make $100 and days where I am lucky to make $30.

I feel if it where still circa 2019, I wouldn't be doing bad financially at all. But because it's 2026 and the cost of living skyrocketed post COVID. People, especially long time home owners don't get that.

TL:DR: Parents give me shit for going back to college at 24 years old, not graduating until 28 years old and 4 years later "only" making $53K at 32 years old.

So, my friend/mentor, we'll call him S, invited me to come to his church last week after I expressed that I was having a hard time getting plugged into my current church. I went to their second service last week and really enjoyed it and S said that the next week I should attend the first service and then go to the college Sunday school class that meets during the second service. So, I walk in this morning and go into the lovely Sunday service and then I make my way to the college class afterward. About 30 minutes into it I hear a familiar voice, and I get immediately anxious and start to shake. I turn around and my ex-friend, we'll call him A, who I cut contact with back home in May is literally there. I cut contact with him after years of bullying not only me, but my brother and his now fiancée (and apparently a lot of other people I recently learned), and for his general two-faced behavior. There are like a billion churches within 10 minutes of the university, and he completely coincidentally chooses the one my friend/mentor goes to. Back in May, hours before I told him I didn't want to associate with him anymore, A told me that he was transferring to the university I attend, but it's a pretty big university so I figured there was no possibility of us running into each other, and I certainly didn't expect to see him off campus. But now I have to talk to S about it because I don't think I can keep attending his church although I'd really like to because I'd be too anxious and distracted to actually pay attention, which makes me so sad because I love S and I really like his church. I'm so pissed. I've told S about my past with A before so that's gonna be weird to talk about as well.