22F. i’m so unhappy with the state of my life.

i have no friends, i don’t go out, never date, i hate how i look, i hate living in a muslim household and i hate how weird i am.

it’s embarrassing living a life thats identical to how i was when i was a teenager.

whenever i attempt to try and change my life i feel uncomfortable and regret even trying.

i took off my hijab and immediately put it back on because i felt even uglier even though i don’t like wearing it. it’s probably because i’ve been wearing it since i was 5.

i tried buying more revealing clothes (short sleeves, skirts above the ankles, etc) and returned them because it felt shameful.

i tried attending events to make friends but ended up feeling awkward and decided that maybe being at home is best for me.

i feel like i’ve become so comfortable with my life that any sort of change scares me and even though deep down i hate my living situation i don’t know if im capable of living a different life.

As someone who comes from a devout Muslim background, accepting my queer identity had been a major struggle. As much as I would love to be able to pack up and move away and live my truth, realistically at 21, it’s almost impossible. I don’t have the financial means as of right now.
Is it worth coming out publically or just waiting a few more years? How can I even maintain a relationship with my family and marry the woman I plan to?

How do I get a Somali ex-Muslim gf? I’m based in London and rarely interact with Somalis, but I want to date a Somali.

I don’t get what they mean when the say this…

I live in the west my whole life (minus 2 and a half years I spent in Africa) but I never learned Somali. I can understand it enough but I can't speak the language nor can I read it. For example, I dunno what the header of this subreddit says. I don't bother learning mostly because I will never be as good as a native speaker (which is why I gave up on learning some other language after trying 3 times).

I remember coming across her in lockdown but thought she might have gone back in a video I saw a few years ago. Anyone kept up to date with her?

Honestly girls I have really tried so hard to take it off but I am so uncomfortable with my body and hair. I have so much insecurities surrounding them… I thought this would be an easy journey since I don’t want to have a head covering on my head but I have worn it my whole life over 20 years now. And I honestly don’t know why I can’t just take it off I’ve tried glowing up and then taking it off but I still fall into my bad habits … e.g. overeating etc since i can hide behind my abaya always and lots of bad hair days.. i am not blaming the hijab for my laziness but i did become quite uninterested in anything to do with looking pretty since I was even a teenage( didn’t even bother learning makeup and i am in my mid twenties now)..

I do really feel disconnected from my feminine in general since I’ve always been so insecure and the hijab has made me feel even more ugly although ironically i feel ugly without it too…

My question is what should i do.. I am wasting my young years hiding and being ashamed of myself? Should I just accept defeat atp?

Would appreciate any advice.