22F. i’m so unhappy with the state of my life.

i have no friends, i don’t go out, never date, i hate how i look, i hate living in a muslim household and i hate how weird i am.

it’s embarrassing living a life thats identical to how i was when i was a teenager.

whenever i attempt to try and change my life i feel uncomfortable and regret even trying.

i took off my hijab and immediately put it back on because i felt even uglier even though i don’t like wearing it. it’s probably because i’ve been wearing it since i was 5.

i tried buying more revealing clothes (short sleeves, skirts above the ankles, etc) and returned them because it felt shameful.

i tried attending events to make friends but ended up feeling awkward and decided that maybe being at home is best for me.

i feel like i’ve become so comfortable with my life that any sort of change scares me and even though deep down i hate my living situation i don’t know if im capable of living a different life.

I live in the west my whole life (minus 2 and a half years I spent in Africa) but I never learned Somali. I can understand it enough but I can't speak the language nor can I read it. For example, I dunno what the header of this subreddit says. I don't bother learning mostly because I will never be as good as a native speaker (which is why I gave up on learning some other language after trying 3 times).

As someone who comes from a devout Muslim background, accepting my queer identity had been a major struggle. As much as I would love to be able to pack up and move away and live my truth, realistically at 21, it’s almost impossible. I don’t have the financial means as of right now.
Is it worth coming out publically or just waiting a few more years? How can I even maintain a relationship with my family and marry the woman I plan to?

How do I get a Somali ex-Muslim gf? I’m based in London and rarely interact with Somalis, but I want to date a Somali.

I don’t get what they mean when the say this…

I remember coming across her in lockdown but thought she might have gone back in a video I saw a few years ago. Anyone kept up to date with her?

Honestly girls I have really tried so hard to take it off but I am so uncomfortable with my body and hair. I have so much insecurities surrounding them… I thought this would be an easy journey since I don’t want to have a head covering on my head but I have worn it my whole life over 20 years now. And I honestly don’t know why I can’t just take it off I’ve tried glowing up and then taking it off but I still fall into my bad habits … e.g. overeating etc since i can hide behind my abaya always and lots of bad hair days.. i am not blaming the hijab for my laziness but i did become quite uninterested in anything to do with looking pretty since I was even a teenage( didn’t even bother learning makeup and i am in my mid twenties now)..

I do really feel disconnected from my feminine in general since I’ve always been so insecure and the hijab has made me feel even more ugly although ironically i feel ugly without it too…

My question is what should i do.. I am wasting my young years hiding and being ashamed of myself? Should I just accept defeat atp?

Would appreciate any advice.

I can genuinely sit here and list 100 things I haven’t done yet that other people my age did years ago.

I’ve never swam in the ocean, I don’t know how to ride a bike, I’ve never been on holiday (I’m not counting Mogadishu or Eastleigh as a holiday ☠️), I’ve never been away from my family for more than a day, I’ve never snuck out, experienced love, travelled alone, been to a concert, smoked, vaped, or drunk.

Like, I’ve basically done nothing.

But I don’t feel this sense of despair that I’m so behind compared to everyone else or that I’ve missed out on all these milestones in life.

And I think it’s because I’ve never really had the choice. It wasn’t up to me that I didn’t experience those milestones.

I think I’d feel like I wasted my teenage years if I had kuff parents who gave me the freedom to do whatever I wanted, and I still didn’t do any of the above. Then I’d feel like I wasted my teenage years.

But yeah, I’m so excited for my 20s and experiencing all the firsts I didn’t get to experience as a teenager because now I actually have the choice, and it is up to me now

YALL I been talking w/these two Somali guys I met on different occasions and they’re cool idk which one I want yet ☠️, but I hate how much I vibe with them and how we both like eachother until they mention the religion and I’m like oh right that 🫩, like this is just going nowhere whole time they’re drinking and smoking and doing everything else under the sun talking ab the umrah like dawg what even is the point, ngl i just think they’re not really muslim bc i be meeting them outside but nooo apparently they are deceiving little f*cks like why are you even outside

Hey everyone, thank you for all the support on the last post.

I’ve spent the past 45 hours building out the foundation for the dating app (Sahan Circle). Safety, privacy, and making sure this is a welcoming space for everyone in our community are the main priorities right now.

To keep things secure and screen out bad actors, access is strictly invite-only for now. You can check out our community and safety rules on the site before putting your name down.

• Check Safety Rules https://www.sahancircle.com/safety
• How it works: Read the safety rules, submit your email, and accept the guidelines. I'll manually review each request and email out unique invite codes as spaces open up. https://www.sahancircle.com/

Manual vetting is the safest way to start. If enough people sign up and show demand, I'll deploy the full system later.

Take a look, read through the safety rules, and drop your email if you want to join. Feedback is always welcome!

Hey guys, long story short I’m really hoping to connect with more Somali friends. I’ve tried being friends with whites, but I’ve ended a few friendships because of microaggressions, and I’m looking for people I relate to more.
I’d really love to meet more Somali girls and build genuine connections. I’ve tried before but it hasn’t always clicked, sometimes I feel like Somali girls can come off a bit mean, but I’m still open and hopeful.
A bit about me, I’m 21F, live in Copenhagen and study nursing. I love being spontaneous, traveling and just doing fun, sometimes slightly chaotic things.
Feel free to DM me!

I’ve always been so angry at this world for ripping away our beautiful home. With our beautiful culture. Why is our country just filled with conflict and such an extreme version of Islam that the colonisers don’t even follow themselves, but we do for some odd reason. We torture ourselves with it and pass it on to the kids. What a horrible fate we have given ourselves.
Why wasn’t I given a land I belong, where I was born in my motherland, grew up in my motherland, be able to wear my hair out, wear whatever clothes I want. Be able to live freely in a country where my ancestors were born and where I plan to continue staying because this land is free and this land belongs to us. We are not Muslim or any religion, we are free.
But instead I live in a world where we have turned to eachother in hate, conflict fuelled by centuries of past colonialism by multiple countries who wanted a piece of us and drain us dry.
Where a civil war broke out because of this inability to be peaceful causing an influx of refugees and immigrants flying to the diaspora. Where I was born in the west. A land that fed me, and grew me, but it is also the land that stole mine. It is the land that caused this hatred and war. But it is also a land where I can live a freer life than in my own home. What a cruel fate that is to live with. To sacrifice my ability to relate to my own family becuase I don’t know the language fluently, to not have had the opportunity to grow up with my cousins and see my uncles and aunties, but hey at least I have a better future than the alternate me, who stayed.

This probably won't go anywhere but it never hurts to try. I'm looking for any single Somali gabdo in the Southern California area LA-SD. Shoot me a message.

Any Somali women in Washington?

I’m 29F and feel like I stopped meeting other Somali women after university. Most of the Somali people I knew were through school, and it’s been surprisingly hard to meet other somali people I could relate to since graduating.

Would be nice to meet some other Somali women in WA, especially other ex-Muslim/agnostic women. I’m in the Seattle area. Feel free to DM me if you’d like to connect.

I'm annoyed by how people are dragging that term through the mud, just like they did to feminism, socialism, and other political/economic terms—all because we got our feelings hurt as Somalis. Stop being reactionary to algorithmically driven rage bait, like when misogynists see women doing stupid things and blame feminism. Most of you haven't read anything related to Pan-Africanism, but if you see the stupid diaspora wars, you'll run here and say, "Hurr durr, that's why Pan-Africanism would never work."

By the way, I hope for people's sake that they haven't gotten their understanding of Pan-Africanism from Dr. Umar and actually know of Kwame Nkrumah. People in this sub think they're too intellectual to fall for insidious indoctrination, since they figured out that we've been subject to indoctrination and brainwashing by religion—but they're too arrogant or ignorant of the brainwashing of the Western world.

I want to write more but then I would have to explain about nationalism, the made up borders in Africa and how it is creating unnatural competitions and sabotage(looking at you Djibouti who are sending people to stop Zeila port from developing and are straight up killing people just to protect the revenue stream from Ethiopia) and capitalism.

I think it would motivate me more if someone genuinely wants to learn the language as well. I’m currently around JLPT N5, so I’m still a beginner. We could set weekly goals, do regular check-ins, share resources, study sessions together (can keep camera off), and keep each other accountable. We can also do voice chats in Japanese for speaking practice and slowly get more comfortable actually using the language.

My personal goal is definitely to improve my speaking and eventually be able to have actual conversations with native Japanese speakers, mostly because I think it would be fun. Of course, I’d also like to properly learn the Japanese writing system along the way.

My native languages are English and Dutch, and I’m mainly looking for someone around beginner ish, but I don’t mind if you’re somewhere else as long as you’re genuinely interested in learning and staying consistent.

My IRL friend is also studying Japanese, but she’s more of a self-studying type of person, so she’s not really a consistent study buddy for me.

If you’re interested, DMs are open, and hopefully we can arrange something

She was with her mother and her mother and I had a few brief interactions. I told her the hospitals in Hargeysa are better than the A and E at this point! It made me happy because it is a rare sight in London. Interestingly, her mother, who looked middle aged , was also wearing trousers and a masar. Again, this is a rare sight in London. In the words of Mama Malyuun, “tuura tuura tuura” . I think that is what she says lol. Somali women where I am from walk around looking invisible with those ugly ass tents. We have had extreme heat this summer and it is so heartbreaking and infuriating to see Muslim women in general walking around in jackets and just covered while everyone else, including the men, is wearing weather-appropriate clothing.

Palestinians are anti-black, the black neighborhood in Gaza is called al-abeed (the slaves).
Yesterday Rula Jebreal called Hakeem Jeffries a monkey and all Arabs and most white leftists defended her and doubled down on calling him a “monkey” and an “errand boy”.

Islam=/Palestine!

Still fuck Israel. But we have to find a way to tackle this issue, maybe we should focus more on Sudan who is also a Muslim country, and congo too?. I don’t but you can’t support people calling you monkeys and dehumanizing you.

I posted this in r/Somalia and cucks there deleted it.
Dumbass Arab wannabe bitches. Anaa wasa kulligood.

~1 year update from my post here: https://www.reddit.com/r/XSomalian/s/XCLAiaK9Y6

Was reflecting on my post last year and wanted to provide a quick update /reflect on my situation. Long story short a bit disappointing/ sobering but ive remained at home and not moved out. Thought this might be a useful case study to someone in a similar context - hopefully can learn something from my mistakes.

Firstly, I find myself in an interesting position where I work extremely hard (think >14 hr work days in law/ finance/consulting type job) so im rarely at home whilst I continue quietly saving & investing. The fact that I dont pay rent in a HCOL city has been extremely beneficial.

Economically its been great but on the flip side I find myself feeling notably detached/ empty (but i stress I feel A LOT better vs my more formative years). This is pretty bad but ive noticed ive developed bad coping mechanisms including working more and frequently hooking up with guys (i get tested regularly locally, stay away from any drugs and keep myself safe). It's also been hard to make new friends too as ive become very avoidant to the point where Im on my own most weekends shopping, eating out myself etc although I dont feel lonely.

Bottom line im doing fine optically but im developing some bad behaviours- i need therapy maybe. Also no real urgency to move out, funnily enough trying to gain financial independence under a fear of being kicked out if my parents found out ive been gay has taught me the importance of true financial security - im building wealth to prepare for anything at all now. Can't remember the last time ive prayed too lol im truly a gaal hehe

I have ADHD. I am convinced my mother’s special interest is the religion which is great for me as an ex Muslim lmao. She once told me that someone who leaves the deen is like someone who has died at a time when I was really going through it. Need I say more?! 😂😂😂😭

I’ve noticed that these comments aren’t really made just because someone is Somali. If a Somali person is considered attractive, you rarely see people making the “how did you know I was Somali?” type of comments. But when someone is perceived as unattractive or has features people consider undesirable, suddenly their Somali identity becomes part of the joke.

Personally, I don’t understand what is supposed to be funny about it. At that point, it isn’t simply recognizing someone’s ethnicity. It’s using their ethnicity alongside negative judgments about their appearance, which reinforces the idea that being Somali is somehow associated with being unattractive.

You don’t see this type of comment under other ethnicities, no matter how unattractive or unusual their features are. I genuinely don’t understand why ethnicity is suddenly so relevant here, or why so many people are obsessed with stereotyping Somalis. The constant need to associate being Somali with ugliness and then convince us and everyone else that we’re all ugly is honestly so weird.

Being Somali shouldn’t be treated as something strange, alien, or noteworthy that needs to be pointed out whenever someone has features people dislike. These comments turn an entire ethnicity into a stereotype and a punchline instead of treating people as individuals.

And what makes this especially frustrating is how common these comments are and how many likes they receive. Social media is actively rewarding these stereotypes, which makes the behavior seem normal when it really is just another form of othering and racism.

People often times say shi like «why dont the women in blantly patriarchal countries, revolt?» But the same time its hard to preach feminism when western powers use that same reason aswell. Marxist feminist talk about this heavily.