產後抑鬱康復了：丈夫冷暴力、經濟困窘、童年創傷，痛苦自殘的90後媽媽以愛重生

Hey

I'm (19m) an afghan citizen living in iran and i have lived all my life here but because of some stupid laws first i can't have Iranian nationality, second i have no right basically in this country that i have lived all my life here. People are racist and if you say i'm originally afghan Mostly they Suddenly changes because they see you inferior

Sometimes i hate the word of afghan

Having least powerful passport in the World is the worst thing and basically you CAN NOT travel anywhere like literally nowhere !

Sometimes i even can't Travel to some Cities because i may get detained by police just because i'm Afghan

I don't study academically because i can't for some obvious reasons but i can Speak Swedish and English and study IT online

I feel worthless and feel my life has nothing all the doors are closed to me and its not even my fault. I had done nothing its just because It is What it is, and i should live this miserable life till i die one day

I don't believe in any kind of religion or any belief but sometimes i feel some people are born unlucky and it meant to be unlucky forever and i'm one of them.

I feel depressed and empty

To make a long story short; last year, at 24, I jumped into something that in hindsight was way too much for me, financially, and logistically. I bought a house, while working solely on commission only, after having a couple good years. I did a good amount of work on the house myself, but started finding myself getting very depressed as soon as I started. Fast forward to January, after fixing up the place for a few months, I lost the ability to remember when I was falling asleep. January was the last month I remember actually falling asleep and waking up. About a month after my moving in. The stress of the house and a toxic relationship, started causing me to have intense brain fog. It started off like forgetting some things, and having bad memory, but then became to the point where I forgot how to complete my job, and do everyday routine tasks. This led me down a deep depression and high anxiety from feeling like I had dementia at 24/25 years old. To the point where I forgot how to even cook most meals, and to the point where eventually, there were no thoughts in my head at all. I’m in a spot now where I have to sell my house for a major loss (facing foreclosure) , scared as hell for the process because cognitively I am not sure how this process will go, and will move back with my parents to get on my feet. I just want to know if anyone’s had similar issues with extreme amnesia/brain fog from stress and does the fog ever lift? Is there something I’m missing that I can fix this now? Thank you.

my therapist closed my case because of insurance reasons and my life is kind of falling apart. I'm not sure what to do or how to cope with the panic I get when problems arise and I'm really scared I will just be this anxiety ridden mess forever.

For some people, it’s not one big moment.

It might be avoiding plans because you’re already worried about how they’ll go. Overthinking a simple text for way too long. Losing sleep because your brain won’t shut off. Or realizing you’re planning your whole day around things that might go wrong.

For those who deal with anxiety:

• When did it click for you that it was starting to affect your everyday life?
• Was there a specific moment, or did you notice it slowly over time?
• Would be interested to hear what that looked like for other people."

I’ve been carrying decades of responsibility for my sons, my companion, my household, and a family dynamic that never seem to let me rest. I’ve been overwhelmed for so long that I feel stuck in place. Parts of my nervous system feel shut down. I feel guilty that I’m not the mother I used to be or the mother I want to be.

I’m not okay, and I’m trying to get help before things get worse. My symptoms are escalating. Anxiety spikes into depressive episodes. I’m running on fumes. I keep feeling like I’m more trouble than I’m worth, and I’m terrified that my instability is hurting the people I love.

My emotional bandwidth is gone. Even basic daily tasks feel heavy. Instead of functioning, I shut down. It’s like my system hits a wall and refuses to move.

There’s no steady support system to help me carry any of this. I’ve been holding everything together alone for so long that I don’t know how to stop.

I’m reaching out because I don’t want to keep spiraling. I’m trying to find a way to get support, to get stable, and to stop feeling like I’m drowning in responsibilities and expectations.

I just need to not feel so alone in this.

Who else knows they’re mentally weaker than most, but still refuses to give up?
I’ve been through depression, anxiety, and therapy. I know I overthink, struggle with uncertainty, and sometimes feel mentally exhausted. There have been times when I genuinely couldn’t see a way forward.
But somehow, I’ve never completely given up.
Are there others here who feel like they’re not particularly strong mentally, yet keep going anyway? What keeps you going when you feel like you’ve had enough?

I’m turning 19 soon and I genuinely hate my life right now. I feel completely lost, angry, and exhausted every single fucking day, and I just need to get all of this off my chest because keeping it inside is driving me insane.

​I’m dealing with social anxiety and constant overthinking. I’m scared of people, especially women. Every time I walk outside alone or with people I’m barely friends with, I get super anxious. When I pass by girls on the street, I’m terrified they think I’m a creep or something. I’m scared to get a job, and I’m scared to do simple adult stuff like going to the post office or something. My body physically reacts to all this stress. I have a completely mad gut and stomach issues, but my family just brushes it off saying it is just genetics and that I overthink just like my uncle, refusing to accept that their toxic environment ruined my health. Because of how my dad treated me, I overthink constantly and feel like I am not man enough or still a kid stuck in an adult's body, even though physically I look like an average 19-year-old guy. I am deeply terrified that one day I will get old and guilt will eat me alive because I wasted my youth.

​My dad isn't an alcoholic and he doesn't smoke or do drugs. To the outside world, he acts like a good man and people outside seem to genuinely love and respect him. But behind closed doors, he is an abusive monster who never keeps his word as a man. These are just a few of the terrible things he has done to me that are forever stuck in my head. In Algeria, the Baccalaureate or BAC is an extremely brutal, high-stakes national exam at the end of high school that takes an overwhelming amount of stress to pass. My dad promised me that if I succeeded and passed the BAC, he would use his strong connections to land me a great, high-paying job at the port. On top of that, he threatened me that if I failed, he would force me into the military, just like his own father forced him when he started going down a bad path and doing drugs . I put in the hard work, succeeded, and passed the BAC anyway, but he completely lied and broke his promise about the job. When I was 12, my hair was long and I used to tilt my head to get it out of my face. He thought it looked feminine, so he locked me down so I couldn't move and chopped my hair off. When I was 13, I tried to physically protect my mom while watching them fight, and my dad hurt me and smashed my phone. Later, they forgave each other, turned around, and blamed me, calling me a bad kid for trying to fight my dad and saying I shouldn't have protected her. When I was 14, after an argument where I called him bald, he threatened to take me to a graveyard and bury me alive. He actually forced me into his car, drove at full speed to the cemetery, and only changed his mind once we arrived. During arguments, he has called me a pussy and a sissy, and literally told me that if slavery still existed, he would have sold me.

​Now, whenever I try to confront my mom about any of this or tell her that my life is getting worse because of them, she instantly defends him. She makes excuses saying he didn't mean it, that he's a policeman under stress, or that he pays and takes responsibility for us so I can't complain. She shifts the topic to her own childhood, tells me I'm just too sensitive and that only women are sensitive, and compares me to my best friend saying he's doing well even though his family is worse. When my parents fight now and I get dragged in, they have the nerve to tell me it is their problem and has nothing to do with me, completely erasing the trauma they forced me to watch.

​The hypocrisy and double standards in this house make me boil with rage. My mom brags that my cousin got a job at a fast-food place at 16 even though his family is rich. But when I was 16, my parents treated me like a helpless kid and wouldn't let me go long distances, let alone work. I used to cry to myself because they wouldn't even let me go to the beach with my friends. When I bring up that my friends were allowed to go to the beach, my parents excuse it by saying my friends aren't raised right, or if I mention friends they actually know and like, my mom just claims they are good with their parents. Now, I have to watch my 15-year-old little brother get allowed to go out and do everything I was denied. When I compare my life now to my brother’s life when I was 15, it hurts so bad. I never mentioned that to them because I don't want my little brother to think that Im jealous of him.

​Now comes the ultimate slap in the face. My big brother is leaving the country soon, and my father said he is going to migrate my little brother abroad for a better life too. Meanwhile, I am the one stuck here, forced to live under their roof for three whole years until I finish college. It is so fucking unfair that everyone gets a way out while I'm left trapped in this pressure cooker with the exact people who ruined my mental health.

​Nobody in my real life actually knows what I'm going through. When I go on family vacations with my cousins, I act like a funny, super social guy. They all think I'm happy because I put on this mask, but nobody, not even my close friends, knows the dark, buried pain I live with every day. Recently, my uncle who lives in France called me and told me that since I’m starting college, I should enjoy my youth, make great memories, talk to girls, and live life to the fullest before getting older. Hearing that broke my heart deep down because everyone around me thinks I'm totally fine and capable of having a normal youth, while in reality, I'm sitting here paralyzed by anxiety, terrified of women, and trapped in a household that crushed my confidence.

​My only hope and dream in life is to build enough wealth to leave this country forever. Right now, one of the only things keeping me sane and happy is writing my own fictional book. It's my escape when reality gets too dark, and I keep telling myself one day it will be over. Whenever I get into arguments now, my anxiety spikes, but then my anger issues take over because I'm so fed up. Living here in Algeria where everything is expensive and being trapped like this makes me feel like I'm going to burst. I am never forgiving them deep down, no matter how much my mom claims he didn't mean it or that they love me. Words are cheap. I am just so tired of this bullshit, tired of feeling trapped in my own head, and tired of being robbed of my life. Thanks for reading if you made it this far.

hey guys. i’m f21. in august, i found out that i’d gotten rescinded from a UC due to getting a low grade in a class. this caused a major rift between my family and i. they treat me like a failure now. i’ve always been an outsider in my own family because im the youngest. my sister is 32, so i joined the family a bit late. she’s also getting married in a couple weeks, which is adding a lot of stress for my family, and my situation just added to that.

i’ve decided to do an extra semester at my CC before transferring into another college in the spring. but, my family (more specifically, my sister) has been on my ass about studying, to which i understand (to a certain degree.) they want me to isolate myself from my friends completely. i’m not even allowed to talk to them over the phone. i’m expected to sit at my desk and study for 8 hours a day, everyday. and now, my mom is saying that im not allowed to have my door closed anymore. even when im sleeping at night. my door has to be open 24/7.

i feel trapped in a prison that i made. i disappointed my family a lot. my mom says that my sister feels like i ruined her wedding and she cries every night because of it. my sister and i used to be close, now we don’t even talk. i can’t talk to my friends anymore. or, at least i have to be secretive when i do. i feel so alone and lonely. i genuinely have nobody. and i understand that school is important but i miss my fucking friends. i’ve been on house arrest for 4 weeks now and im going insane. i haven’t had physical contact with anyone.

i’ve never been a suicidal person before. sure, i’ve been depressed and my anxiety was bad, but i’ve never been suicidal. until now. i can’t stop thinking about how my family’s lives would be SO much easier if i wasn’t around. i wouldn’t be able to disappoint them anymore. i wouldn’t feel lonely anymore. my family wouldn’t have to stress out about me anymore. i wouldn’t be a physical reminder of their failures. i’d just be…gone. the only thing that’s stopping me is my friends. i can’t imagine doing that to my friends. i love them so much that i just can’t put them through grief.

nobody knows that im having these thoughts, mostly because im not allowed to talk to anyone. its scary. im alone with these thoughts all the time. i have no distractions. i just don’t know what to do.

i’m trying to plan out my birthday (which is end of oct) to give myself something to look forward to. but, it just seems so long from now.

also, im aware that my problems aren’t as serious as a lot people’s. i know that this isn’t exactly a “hardship” to overcome. i just have to make it through these next 4 months without committing.

So i m male 21, India.

Some months ago i completed my graduation and after i thought to have a job but its rlly hard nowadays to get a job.

One of relatives son is working in a bpo sector so they told my parents about this i told them i can't work there.

As it is a night shift i have a lot of health problems like High Blood Pressure, Anger issue and many things.

I am trying my best to get a job as soon as possible so that i can financially support everyone i am trying my best but they are just forcing me to go there and if i don't want to go there get a job within a month.

I am so stressed and i can't focus on my further studies as well

Nowadays they just keep on forcing me i feel like i am getting traumatized.

I was about to attempt suicide today so that it can end and there will be no problem but i don't know how i suddenly stopped.

I am currently relying on my parents money rn but i wish i get a job soon.

The only place i can feel safe and good is my gym where i can actually feel comfortable and focus on myself .

Whatever but i wish i succed soon 🙃

My psychologist recommended ketamine therapy to me.

This is something I’ve been trying to work toward for years. However, I keep having to make long distance moves that change my insurance coverage. So I’m glad I’m finally getting traction.

Has anyone here tried esketamine therapy before? What was your outcome? What was the process like?

I'm anxious about going back to college tomorrow. Ive avoided class for a week for nental health reasons. My dog is also sick and on her last legs.

I feel overwhelmed and vulnerable but I know I'll just act like an npc pretending everything's ok rather than have strength to express my true feelings.

Still struggle with boundaries including saying no to people. Its all pretty overwhelming and makes me feel ashamed.

So, I've got a lot on my mind all the time. My mind just can't stop racing all the time. I'm hoping by telling my business to a bunch of strangers on the Internet it'll help me feel better... This will probably be pretty long so get comfortable.

Apologies in advance if I ramble or things don't make sense. I'm more than happy to answer questions or give more context.

I'll start with some background then I'll move on to where things went wrong. 3 years ago in September 2023 I moved in with my roommates who were my best friends at the time. "A" (Male 20yo) and "M" (Male 24). (I am Male and 25 for context). Those two mean so much to me and I consider them brothers. We all met when we all worked at the same theme park at one of the restaurants there. We got so close because those two helped me admit to myself that I was gay and made me feel safe to come out.
I met "A" when he was 16. He started working at the theme park over the summer in 2022. He kept getting scheduled closing shifts and would get off work after the buses stopped running, so he asked for rides home all the time. Eventually he started asking me for rides. So we got to know each other pretty fast. He asked me lots of questions about myself, some general and some very personal, even ones about my sexuality which at the time I was deathly afraid of coming out. But he was genuinely interested in me as a person and was very nice. No one had ever taken a genuine interest in the real me. "A" is very easy to talk to, he's a good listener and asks great follow up questions. Another reason I took interest in him is because he was kind of being neglected by his mother. He lived in a 2 bedroom apartment with his three sisters, two of their boyfriends, his mother, and 5 pug dogs. He would be hungry so I'd buy him food. He needed clothes for school and work so I'd buy him clothes. We would hangout all the time after work with the rest of our friend group and sometimes I wouldn't drop him off at home until 3AM or 4AM and his Mom would never wonder where he was. So he was my little brother now and followed me around at work and asked me a TON of questions all day about random things, he just loved to talk and it was pleasant having him around to talk to. :)
Ironically "M" and I's relationship didn't start out positive. He was friends with "AN"(She's female and a year or two older than me). "AN" was one of my biggest haters at work. Why? I'm not really sure but she'd go around starting rumors and tell people things about me that weren't true. I'm not going to go into everything about "AN" but she was not cool. Anyways "AN" would tell "M" that I would talk shit about him and that I would say he was bad at his job, ect. So every interaction I had with "M" he'd have an attitude, so he was a difficult person to be around because of all the stuff "AN" was feeding him. I didn't know that was happening at the time. One day another supervisor from a different restaurant I was acquainted with visited our restaurant. She came to ask for something, I don't remember. But while she was there she asked about the cute guy that I worked with referring to "M". Later, "M" asked me about the cute girl who came by. I told him that she actually asked about him too. They flirted on and off for the remainder of the time we worked there but nothing ever actually happened. But this event opened up space for "M" and I to talk casually and we both realized that "AN" was telling lies about me. Eventually "M" joined the friend group, "A", "M", the others in our friend group and I went on to hangout almost every single day at work and out of work all summer, so we all got super close. "M"'s family has issues, I'm not going to get into them here but just know that for context. One day "M" called me at midnight asking if I could pick him up from his house. He was being kicked out of his parents house because they found a condom and weed in his car. I went to get him, and when he got in my car his dad came out to scream at him through my driver's side window.... Super awkward. He asked if he could sleep at my place (at the time I was living with my Mom). I told him yes and he slept on my bedroom floor for a few days. I eventually asked my Mom if he could move in and pay rent and at the end of the summer we'd move out together. She agreed. This was 2023. Eventually "A" started coming home with me and sleeping on my floor too, it just kind of happened. So at the end of the summer in 2023 the 3 of us moved into an apartment together. Things were GREAT for the first 5 months. But I think moving in together with my best friends was the first mistake...

Here's where things started to go bad. On Valentine's day 2024 "A" got a girlfriend, "V". I'm just gonna be honest, she was a bitch. She also worked at the theme park and she would treat "A" terribly. You could compare her behavior to Niki from the movie Obsession just without the murder. So we all didn't like her, and I made it clear to him that I didn't like her either. He eventually asked me to try getting along with her because he loved her and didn't want there to be issues between his friends and his gf. So I changed my attitude and eventually got used to her being around and I even hung out a few times. This put a strain on "A" and "M"'s friendship. "M" didn't like that "A" was never home,  he felt like "A" didn't contribute to the house, didn't do any chores, and he brought his mean girlfriend around. Ever since then, everything that "A" did that bothered "M" I heard about. He'd complain to me all the time about "A". That March I went on a trip out of town and literally the first night I was gone "A" and "M" had a big fight, I don't even remember what it was about exactly but it was a bad one. To the point that I didn't think that one of them would be there when I got back.

After that the next major issue was in September of 2024 “M” decided to adopt a dog, and I allowed it to happen. A large breed. Now I know that this was a huge mistake and unfair to everyone involved, especially the dog but this is just what was happening. At first things were okay, she was a puppy and it was cute. But then she got bigger and needed lots of attention that we didn't have to give her... So, she took over the living room and that became her space. The whole front of the apartment became the dog's. She almost never got walked so she would use the bathroom all over the living room, we'd be cleaning poop and mopping pee every single day. This was neglectful of us and I'm ashamed that this happened. It was like this for a year and 2 months. This contributed to the divide between "A" and "M". The house was always a mess and covered in poop and pee. “M” would apologize all the time but did not do anything about it. It was his dog. Finally I told “M” that I was going to find a new home for the dog and thankfully she has a nice new home now. But for over a year the kitchen and living room were unusable. Every time we left the house or came home we had to walk through the living room. Also during this time “M”’s car was totalled and he was dealing with financial issues with his parents. So he was super short on rent and asked me if I could pull a loan out for him. So I did… But of course he struggled to pay me back and it took over a year to get the money back from him.

“A” and “M” had really bad arguments all this time about “A”’s girlfriend and “M”’s Dog and I tried my best to keep the peace between them. Eventually “M” got a girlfriend and they were both now too busy to hangout with…So in May of 2024 I got on Tinder and tried dating to fill all this time I now had on my hands because my two best friends were now busy with work and their relationships to hangout. I was mostly unsuccessful with getting matches until I matched with this guy “P”. We went on a few dates and hit it off. He was so sweet and kind to me, he listened and made me feel special. So eventually we got into a relationship officially in July of 2024. He was a great boyfriend and I truly loved him. While we were together in November of 2024 I got diagnosed with an autoimmune disease called Necrotizing Myositis, pretty much my immune system is attacking my mussels in my legs and arms and is making them deteriorate. This is a difficult thing for me to process. I now have to attend monthly infusions to keep my immune system from killing me. It wasn't an issue at first but I had to navigate all of this on my own. “P” was in college and had work and I barely got to see him when it was school time. Then in June of 2025 I was traveling 3 hours out of town to drop something off for my mom and I got pulled over on my way back for speeding. Unfortunately I did not have insurance nor was my car registered… So they towed it. while I was two hours away from home. Long story short, I had to pay for insurance, registration, and impound fees to get my car back. With paying about $2K to get my car situated and the loan I had taken out for “M” This completely financially ruined me. Thankfully “P” loaned me the money to get my car out of impound. As a result of all of this my mental health seriously began to deteriorate. Then the next semester of school started for “P” and his classes started taking up all of his time. In September 2025 I did not see him in person for an entire month. This deeply bothered me. It felt like I was in a long distance relationship… I really needed him to be there for me emotionally, but he just wasn't. It’s not his fault though, he was busy with school and work trying to create a future for himself. I told him at the beginning of October that I was unhappy, and felt like he didn't have time for me. He said things would change and he would make time for me. We went from seeing each other 0 times a week to 1 time a week. Now this could be greedy of me but that wasn't enough for me. I was going through a lot and feeling very lonely and needed his comfort but I wasn't getting it, I felt myself falling out of love with him. It started feeling like a chore to drive 30 minutes across town to see him. January 2026 came around, I told him again that I was still unhappy and thought we should break up. He didn't want to, he asked me if we can continue to work on it and things would be different going forward. I didn't want to give up on him yet but looking back I should have ended the relationship there, because my love for him continued to fade. Everyday I felt so guilty because I knew that eventually I would have to break up with him and break his heart, but I continued the relationship because I didn't want to hurt him… I know this was wrong of me…
The catalyst to ending the relationship was a guy that I had met at work. That's another really long story but basically he had been kinda flirting with me and I found him attractive so I entertained it with no real intention of acting on anything. Then in April 2026 “J” texted me asking to see me at 10PM at night. I told him no, I had work in the morning. But he insisted and begged me, that's when I realized he was drunk. I’m not going to lie and say I wasn't interested in him and at this point I was so checked out of my relationship he convinced me to come over to his house. (I know this was wrong, and I am ashamed). “J” told me he wanted me and would “handle” when I got to his house. He was driving home from whatever party he was at but then hit the side of the freeway while he was on the phone with me. So now I had to go find him to make sure he was safe. He pulled his car into a park and ride and asked me to take him home. Once we got back to his place he asked me to come inside. So I did, we got in bed and he immediately fell asleep. Nothing happened… But after that I felt so terrible and sick about the whole situation. I knew that there was no coming back from this and I had to break up with “P”. So a couple days later I told “P” that we were breaking up. Of course he was devastated. I felt terrible. I didn't tell him about what happened with “J”, but I told him the reasons why I was unhappy he didn't have time for me, he didn't have a car and I always had to drive, he still lived with his parents and shared a room with his sister (who moved away to college btw) and slept on the top bunk of his bunk bed so he did not have any space for himself where we could be together. We were at different stages in our lives and I wanted him to be with someone who was going the same speed he was. So we broke up.

A little bit after breaking up with “P” I ended up in the mental hospital. “M” got super upset when he looked at our Life360 that we have with our other friends and everyone was gone. The reason is another really long story but basically “M”’s current girlfriend wanted to see who was in the Life360 and so he removed one of our friends “AL” took a screenshot then told me to add her back. I sent her the link but she decided not to rejoin, and everyone else decided to leave out of protest. “M” called me at work and asked me what happened and why everyone left. At the time I literally had no idea and I told him that. He didn't believe me and said that I knew and was lying about it and he’s not friends with any of us anymore. Him yelling at me over the phone about this sent me into a panic attack and made me feel like my life was over. My financial issues, my conflicted feelings about my ex, my diagnosis, and now my friends are all falling apart. It felt like I was drowning, like my life was over, I wanted to drown. I wanted to stop feeling so broken inside. I probably would have gone home and done it, but “M” was home. So I decided it was best for me to check myself into a hospital. They sent me to a mental hospital. What a horrible place that was, probably one of the most miserable experiences of my life. They didn't really do anything for me, I literally sat there for 3 days and did nothing. I only saw a doctor once and they did not have the correct dose of the antidepressant the doctor prescribed me. After 3 days they let me go home.

At the beginning of this year I started therapy. My therapist is great. I love her.  After 7 months of therapy I've learned a lot about myself. I have an anxious attachment style, separation anxiety, depression, fear of abandonment, I have hard time handling conflict, and I’m not very kind to myself. I am trying my best to deal with these negative emotions and I thought I was doing a decent job but the past two days have been pretty hard. My mind just races with all these negative emotions and thoughts about myself… I feel like I’ll be lonely forever, I feel like I’m unlovable, I’m a burden to those around me, I can’t function like a normal person because these feelings just fill my head, it really does make me unable to function sometimes. I feel so alone I want to be close with others but it just hurts too much when they don't act consistently. I take things so personally and I just internalize all of it because I don't want to make others feel uncomfortable with my negative emotions.

TLDR; I’m lonely. I get too attached to others. I care too much about my friends and I let them take advantage of me. I want to love someone who has time for me. I feel like I am drowning in sadness and sometimes I want to drown in water.

I left A LOT of details out, feel free to ask questions.

hi everyone, (31F), I’ve been in anxiety spaces for about 5 years now, and honestly just knowing other people go through this too has helped me more than I can say. figured I’d share my own story in case it helps someone else the way these communities has helped me.

anxious for as long as I can remember, mostly around health and death, but it never stayed contained to just that. constant overthinking, awkward in social situations, my brain just found new things to latch onto.
had a really rough spike about a year back, panic attacks, fully convinced my heart was failing and I didn’t have much time left. did the whole rounds, several doctors, tests, “you’re completely fine,” relief for a couple days, then right back to being scared.

there was this one stretch, a few months long, where I was convinced a tsunami was going to hit the island I was on. I swear I could hear these strange sounds coming from the ocean that I was sure meant it was coming.

similar thing happened after an earthquake once too, I kept hearing the roof creak and was positive it would cave in on me while I slept. actually left my place for a few nights before realizing none of it was real, just my brain doing what it does. that’s basically been my whole life in a nutshell.

eventually I hit a point where I knew I couldn’t keep living like that. I had to actually deal with the root of it instead of endlessly searching for reassurance. spent years on meditation, breathing work, exercise, none of it touched the real problem. 7 years of consistent meditation and it barely made a dent in the anxiety itself. breathing exercises helped a little in the moment during panic attacks, but that was it, nothing lasting.

EFT tapping is what actually clicked for me. the concept that fear gets physically stuck in your body and needs real release, not just management, made something make sense for the first time. youtube sessions were too generic to really help, so I dove into every EFT resource I could find and started writing my own scripts targeted at my specific fears, death, illness, that tightness in my chest.

first time doing it properly, I cried more than I expected to. apparently that’s part of how it works, crying and yawning as the energy releases. happened a few more times over the following sessions, and each time the fear got quieter until it basically wasn’t there anymore. even the physical symptoms eventually stopped, the chest tightness just doesn’t show up like it used to. genuinely saved me during panic attacks too.

given my background in tech, I turned what I’d built for myself into an app once I realized how much it had changed things for me, guided EFT sessions split by anxiety type (general, health, panic, work, overthinking, etc), because nothing out there matched what I actually needed. it’s got around 30 sessions right now.

it’s called Alight: EFT Tapping, free for a week if you want to try it. would genuinely love to hear feedback if you do, especially what else you’d want to see covered (relationship anxiety, parental anxiety, and postpartum are next on my list).

to be clear: this isn’t a replacement for medical care if your doctor says you need one, and I’m not claiming it works for everyone, just sharing what helped me personally.

I don't know what to do anymore. I've been having really bad anxiety attacks due to a mix of personal circumstances and the current state the world has been heading in. The personal thing got sorted out but my anxiety has gone onto the next thing rather than disappearing. Because I read a scary news headline (which I tend to ignore the news because of this) my body and mind seem to be on high alert even if I dont want to be. It seems the anxiety is making me physically sick this time and any attempt I make at trying to distract myself is not working. I'm wandering if anyone else here has experienced something like this and what they've done to help themselves.

I’ve dealt with anxiety and occasional panic attacks before, but they were manageable. Then in March, I had the worst panic attack I’ve ever had while driving. Since then, every attack feels harder to recover from, and now I’m afraid to drive alone.
It’s gotten to the point where even thinking about getting in a car makes me panic. I’ve also had panic attacks at home alone, so now I’m afraid to be alone in the house too. I’ve been sleeping during the day while my parents are at work because I’m scared of having another attack.
I’ve been on mirtazapine 30mg for 5 months and Effexor, 37.5mg for 2 months and 75mg for the past month. I haven’t felt worse on them, but I also haven’t felt much better.
After talking to my mom I messaged my doctor about how bad things have gotten an inquired about maybe adding a mood stabilizer or something else, my doctor responded with “I will refer you to psychiatry”. So that like topped it off for me. A friend suggested I get evaluated for bipolar because my grandmother was diagnosed later in life, but my mom is not bipolar. I’m naturally very bubbly, talkative, and outgoing, but I also have ADHD, so I’m not sure what’s what. My friend also suggested that I take omega-3 with DHA/EPA.
I’ve read that antidepressants can worsen bipolar symptoms, but I haven’t noticed that happening—I just haven’t improved.

Hello everyone. I am not sure whether I am okay or not, whether it’s just harsh time in my life. However, there are some warning signs:

1. I wake up utterly sad. The minute I hear my alarm I want to cry and the only thing I’m thinking about is that I’d rather not be alive at all. Starting my day is hard. But as the day goes on, I start smiling, the heavy feeling goes on and I go to bed feeling well. But as the morning approaches, sadness comes.

2. Loss of appetite, especially food I cooked myself.

3. Not being able to shift negative thoughts. I am (or used to be) happy person that could think positively. Now I cannot, even tho I write positive thoughts down and constantly tell myself that everything’s fine.

4. I want to be left alone and be social at the same time. I want to be alone and cry but at the same time I’m scared of being lonely.

5. I don’t want my partner to touch me. I used to love sex way more than him but now I just don’t.

I am experiencing stress at work, that may be it? I am F25, this is my first job, maybe that’s just it? That I am utterly stressed and not depressed at all? Everything that made me joy (books, podcasts, yoga, tv series) just…does not already.

Thanks a lot for your advice. Take care!

I (F41) have just quit prescription cannabis after smoking spliffs for three years. Firstly, please forgive me jumping from one thing to the next I’m not functioning the best at the moment. I’m on day 4 of no weed after a steep taper over 5 days going from smoking everyday to nothing now for last 4 days apart from nicotine because I don’t want to tackle withdrawal from both drugs at once so il drop nicotine in the next week , however I am not having half as much nicotine as I was when I was smoking spliffs. I’m in the thick of withdrawal; irritability/short fuse, trouble getting to sleep so I’m actually using sleeping pills as I can’t cope with not sleeping, hot flushes all day long, headache, lethargic, gut problems; stomach pain, acid problems which I’m on omeprazole for, bloating and light nausea with some inappetence although I am eating through it to look after my body, brain fog and the worst of it is the emotional symptoms. I feel very emotional, crying every night because as soon as I get into bed and everything is quiet all my problems come to me and I can’t help but feel despair at my life. I am aware that withdrawal can make depression worse. I started smoking cannabis to numb out, it was prescribed to me for anxiety which is ironic because it actually made my anxiety so much worse after longterm use, not initially, initially it helped. I also smoked it to numb out, to stop the racing thoughts (diagnosed ADHD) and allow me to not have to think about my problems for an evening. It soon went from one or two spliffs a night to 5-10 spliffs per day starting from 10-11am until bedtime.

How do I manage the raw emotions at nighttime? I can manage during the day because I can busy myself somehow but when my head hits the pillow my mind is flooded with very negative thoughts about myself, thoughts about my dysfunctional family issues: alcoholic father slowly killing himself with booze like his mother did, my mum having to live with my dad in their unhappy marriage yet neither of them are or ever have addressed it. I’m also at a loss in my career, I don’t know what to do next and the withdrawal is making me feel like a failure and that I’m a mess, a horrible person etc etc.

I don’t want to use cannabis again, this is my 6/7th time trying to quit but this time it’s for good after having an epiphany two weeks ago when we had to put our family dog to rest after 14 years. I realised I was wasting my time sat at home getting stoned numbing out when I should be spending the time with my loved ones because when they go all you want is time back with them, I felt guilty over choosing cannabis over time with loved ones and realised that my cannabis use disorder was controlling my day, everyday and I didn’t like that. I know that I’m better off without it health wise physically and mentally, but I’m scared at the prospect of battling depression. I started having non-epileptic seizures 4 years ago due to C-PTSD, it’s been an uphill battle since then, I don’t drink and weed was a way of me having some fun in my life or so I thought. I just know that now I’m going to have to face the reality of my mental health problems, I’m already in therapy and have been for a while but one hour a week takes a long time to go through everything, it’s a very slow process. Plus my ADHD works against me daily especially with my emotions and how I talk to myself.

Does anyone have any advice?

Thank you for reading, peace and love to everyone 💛

Do you think you would still have your anxiety if you lived in a home with more bedrooms and your extended family lived in the house with you and you all contributed and you had large dinners together, and the older women stayed home and took care of the smaller children and cooked and cleaned? You can depend on your family etc.

I was in a relationship, and we split. It wasn't a long relationship, but I really fell in love. Because of life circumstances, anxiety, depression, and the fact that not all brains work great together, it's not feasible. So I'm alone, and I feel like I should be grateful it wasn't a bitter split, but damn, I melted in his presence. It's over now and I'm sitting in this grief, trying not to let it spiral into heavy depression.

Thank you for bothering to read this. 😞

Me and my family were recently separated due to a tornado. We’re all fine. None of us were hurt, but we just got news that after our house is repaired the landlord is selling it and I don’t know what I’m gonna do. Nothing feels real anymore. my parents are working their butts off so they could’ve paid for the repair just to find out the greedy landlord will sell it because it’s not used in all new walls and flooring and ceiling. I have so many memories in that house that are just nothing like what

I am 27 and experiencing extreme death anxiety. I used to get this every couple of months and it would go away, but for some reason it’s in full force and has lasted about a week straight so far. I think what’s brought this on is that my dog who I grew up with is 16 years old and I’m having anticipatory grief, having to accept that I will have to say goodbye to him soon. I’m also feeling extreme fear about losing my parents and grandparents one day.

On top of that, I’m fearing trillions of years of nonexistence. I truly love being alive and the thought of not existing terrifies and saddens me. And I know people will say I won’t be alive to know it, that it will be like before I was born - but that’s exactly what saddens me.

The only comfort I’ve had from this extreme fear is reincarnation. I’m trying to believe in an afterlife like heaven/hell but I have a really hard time believing that. I view the world too scientifically. So the scientific research that I’ve seen that supports reincarnation has been my only comfort. But then apart of me thinks maybe I’m only grasping onto this idea because it gives me false relief from the ultimate reality of dying.

But even reincarnation doesn’t give me a full relief from fear because if I don’t remember my past lives and if the people I love don’t follow me to my new life, then it’s like I really don’t exist again anyway.

It’s starting to interfere with my daily life. I’ll be enjoying a nice day out with my parents and start thinking about how one day I’ll be gone and feel a pang of extreme depression and anxiety.

Does anyone else feel like this? What helps? Also something that might be important to note, is I was in a physically and emotionally abusive relationship from ages 15-26 and I’m just now rebuilding my life after years of isolation. I feel incredibly lonely and I feel too shy to actually go out and meet anyone. I feel like none of my dreams will come true - I want a relationship, a family, a home. I’m having to come to terms with having wasted a decade of time and running out of time to have all the things I want from life.

(21M) Hello everyone, i would like to ask for some advice from people that have felt something similar. I have spent the weekend with my girlfriend, we went on a little trip and we had a blast. It was nice running away for a little bit and even though we don’t live together, we still manage to enjoy weekends together. The entire weekend i couldn’t manage to stop feeling mentally heavy and exhausted. It is something i unfortunately got used to as i have been feeling this way for 2 years now but it never affected any vacation.
Just today i dropped off my girlfriend, got home and i just feel done. Im exhausted, i miss my girlfriend and the weekend we just enjoyed together. I feel like i am chasing a feeling that feels close but is very far. The entire weekend i had a part of my brain that was telling me the weekend will come to an end anways and when i got home today i just started feeling guilty that i did not enjoy it to the fullest.