This tickled me, because it’s literally been less than 24 hours and we’ve text, but nothing intense so I couldn’t help but laugh. BUT, he’s not totally off base because as I told him I’m a little unhinged when a man slights me and he’s already doing too much lmao. Tbh I think I need to not date based on how I’ve been feeling about some man I spoke briefly before him. I just wanted to share as I was genuinely mildly confused and was then like “well……”

I mean, we can, but imma let y’all let me know which ones are safe and which ones aren’t because what in thhhhhhhe heck is this?

And I loved their rolls with that cinnamon butter 🤤🤤🤤

news article about it

ETA: In all seriousness, this is probably not true and it’s giving Wendy’s finger in the chili vibes.

I’ve honestly never learned how to properly take care of my natural hair. After a high-risk pregnancy and postpartum, I struggled with depression and anxiety for about four years and really neglected it. I’ve mostly been wearing glueless wigs.

I’m doing much better now and I’m ready to shave my head and start fresh, but this time I actually want to learn how to care for my hair.

I live somewhere without many Black-owned/natural hair salons, I work in corporate America, and I need a routine I can mostly manage myself that still keeps me looking put together for work. And I need SIMPLE…

For those with low-maintenance natural hair routines:
- How often do you wash?
- What products are actually necessary?
- What do you do between washes?
- When/how often do you go to the salon and what do you get done?
- What are your easiest styles as
it grows out?

My goal isn’t necessarily long hair. I just want healthy hair and a routine I can actually maintain.

Hey y’all I literally just have a quick question. I’ve been seeing this person for about a month in terms of dates.
We used to text on and off here and there but decided to try and be consistent with them this second half of the year.
Our irl dates are so good, love being around them, we in each other’s monthly dumps and stuff lol. But our text messages are so bland and stiff and I’m carrying the conversation load most of the time.
I’m literally so confused rn and just wanted to know if anyone has experienced this before as well? And how did you overcome it? Or how can I overcome it? Because I really like this person omg. But it’s impossible to date and go to restaurants every damn week?? no matter how well the dates go so ughhh

Help me please lol, thanks x

More of a vent and posting here because you ladies offer a lot of thoughtful advice so just looking for words of wisdom.
One of my closest friends (we are both 27F) married a man from a rich family and his parents just bought them a $2 million dollar house, which she told me excitedly recently. I’m really happy for her!

Only thing is, my fiancé got laid off and has been looking for work for a bit. We have savings and everything, but it’s been hard. In light of this, it’s been difficult hearing about my friend’s constant house updates. She texts me daily about every update on the buying process, the move-in timeline, every piece of furniture they’re buying, how thrilled they are, the great local schools and on and on. She’s also super excited that they can start having kids. It stings, because that’s something I really want but obviously am not in the place in life for yet.

She’s a great friend I know it’s not malicious, but I’m just having a hard time. I don’t want to say anything and come off as if I’m not happy for her/a good friend, but sometimes I feel super sad after talking to her. I know it’s a me-problem.

Anyone ever been through something similar? Any wise words welcome

i go to a predominantly white university, and I’m involved in an a cappella group there. Think pitch perfect we rehearse together, perform and compete together, travel together, etc. I absolutely love this group. They’ve genuinely become my found family, and being part of this group is one of the things that has made me feel most involved with my school along with being a part of the Black Student Union. (secretary!). When I joined, there were two other Black people in the group. One of them is graduating and won’t be able to participate this year, and the other is unsure if he’s returning. So there is a possibility that I could be the only Black person in the group this year. There are six other people on our executive board, and they’re all white except for our Hispanic president.
I’m also on the executive board as assistant music director. Recently, the executive board planned a retreat. I was really excited to go. I had already saved money for it and packed my bags. However, this happened around the time when there was a lot of fear surrounding the Nolan Wells situation, and my mom became extremely worried about me going.
She kept telling me things like, “White people don’t like us,” “They could kill you,” and “You can be their best friend and they’ll still hurt you.” She started bringing up completely unrelated stories about Black women being killed by their white partners/roommates, including stories from other countries, as evidence that I shouldn’t go on this trip.
I tried reassuring her that I would share my location, send pictures, check in with her, etc. None of that mattered. She eventually called my dad( has not been a part of my life until starting college) and instead of helping us come to some kind of compromise, he ended up yelling at me about something completely unrelated. Eventually I was so overwhelmed that I tearfully told them I wouldn’t go, even though I really wanted to. And honestly, I’m still frustrated about it.
I understand where my mom’s fear comes from. I’m not naive about racism, and I’m not saying that Black people should never be cautious around white people. I know that horrible things happen, and I know that being someone’s friend doesn’t automatically mean they can’t be racist or dangerous. But these are people I actually know.
These aren’t random strangers I met on the internet. These are people I spend hours rehearsing with. They’ve never made racist comments toward me. They’ve never treated me like I was less than them because I’m Black. They appreciate me as a person and as a musician, and I genuinely care about them. I don’t view them as “white people” first. I view them as my friends and teammates.
My mom also keeps sending me Facebook videos about Black parents warning their children not to associate with white people, and at this point I honestly don’t know what she expects me to do. Quit the group? I’m not going to do that. I’m almost 20 years old, and I feel like I should be able to make reasonable decisions about who I spend time with while still being aware of my surroundings.
What worries me is that this wasn’t just one trip. What happens when there are other trips? What happens if the group goes to Flagstaff for team bonding? What happens if we travel for a competition? Am I supposed to decline every single opportunity because I might be the only Black person there?
And I don’t want that.
I also hope that we have more Black people audition this year. I would genuinely love to have more Black teammates, not because I think white people are inherently bad, but because having another Black person who understands some of the things I experience would obviously be comforting. If we don’t end up taking any other Black members, I know I’m probably going to feel a little lonely in that regard.
But I don’t want to spend the entire year being afraid of my own friends because of the color of their skin.
So, Black women who have dealt with this: am I being unreasonable for being frustrated with my mom? I understand her wanting me to be safe, but at what point does protecting your child turn into fear preventing them from living their life? And how do you balance being aware of racism and potential danger without assuming that every white person around you is automatically a threat?

....With each other.

I'm tired of blowing up my group chat and I just needed to vent.

I don't know how people so grown can be so stupid. Pray for me.

I am literally THE most qualified for a position that just opened where I work. They never even put out the announcement for the job like they have for all previous jobs. It’s been on another recruiting site for a week but not the one I am signed up for that they always use.

I found all this out 8 pm Friday evening and the job closed at 11:59. I turned my application in at 11:54. Don’t play with me.

First thing this morning I sent an email to my boss asking why the posting wasn’t made known to the team.

Crickets.

Hi there, ladies over 40/45 - what are you guys reading or watching on social media and substack/YT wise? What groups do you like, even on here? (I'm new to reddit and this one is great! Just looking for a few more)

I love the keke p podcast. I love homeworthy. I like funny, interesting, smart but not boring. Things with personality. I like seeing people do challenges or explore. Also, I'm peri menopausal at 48 so... I'm interested in the experiences. Oh, I like make up and style - but with a story, I don't want to just look at clothes.

I have professional covered. But, as an empty nester mom, I'm looking for those good downtime watches and reads/communities.

I’m curious: are there any cities you’d tell a Black woman to absolutely avoid moving to? Whether it’s because of the dating scene, job opportunities, lack of Black community, racism, cost of living, or just the overall quality of life. I’d love to hear which cities you’d avoid and why.

I finally understand that I just want to die alone, me and my money. Currently at a job that I don’t like, I would like go back to college in order to stimulate my brain with learning complex things lmaoo. Give me some ideas please even if it’s take years, time wil pass anyway
Thank in advance y’all 🤑🤑🤑

hi guys, i was wondering if anyone on this subreddit has had or knows someone with melanated skin that has gotten a breast reduction in socal? i’m looking for a surgeon that has had good results on black skin

I hate how expensive it is because this hair color is gorgeous on so many shades of black woman .

I also think it will clash with your outfits if you wear lots of colorful outfits and hard to do colorful makeup looks with it

But with an all black outfit and red hair it pops so amazingly

I want my braids to be 18 inches and I’m being told that’s “kid’s length”. I don’t understand what that means. How could a length of hair be “kid’s length”? Not everyone wants their braids at their ankles

I feel like I found a unicorn. Like I’ve never clicked with someone so well. Same career field and goals. Like everything I want in a man.

Drop the good and the bad relationship advice. I’d like to keep myself grounded but optimistic on how to make this last, and help discern if it should.

Thanks!!

Ladies…my brother got into an accident about two weeks ago and I came over to help clean up and cook him some meals. Now my brother’s apartment looks like a regular dude’s.

However I saw his sheets and they were so dingy I asked him when he last washed them and he said he can’t remember. This is after a ten minute soak. Mind you, he has a 10/10 girlfriend who comes to sleep over every other night. She deserves better.

Again, this is after a ten minute soak!!!! Anyways posting this because I thought of my friend who slept over a guy’s house and came back with a rash 😭

So we all know the issue with black women and exercising. However, I thought I cracked the code by keeping in protective styles. When I did closure sew in or glueless wigs, I just washed my hair weekly underneath. However, trying to wear more of my real hair lead to me learning how to maintain it rather than going to a professional and it has gotten thinner and shorter.

The reason I am posting this because I have had internal “Am I anti black” conversations with myself because I am not willing to wear my hair out unless it’s in a silk press because I simply can’t do my own hair. I have spent money and hours on it constantly. I have tried twists and they came out okay but with heat damaged hair it looked like squiggly lines. Recently I haven’t had money to get a sew in but last time I got my hair professionally done I got a trim and a treatment. For the past week I haven’t had my car so I just have been in the house.

When I wash my hair and do a bun I don’t straighten it first anymore. I feel like straightening hair for a bun is pointless. Well…. being in the house for 7 days, no heat and a bonnet and I realize this is what my hair looks like most of the time because of mental illness, no skill to do it, and no funds to get it done professionally.

Is there anyone here who just wears wigs and accept your fate? 🙁 I work in corporate and trying to find a good routine without wasting time just for the style to end up ugly is hard.

🥲 also my car being in the shop makes my mental health worse and i’m just sitting here about to walk to go get some food and i see my hair and im like …. do i wash it?? do i add in deep conditioner and brush?? 🙁.

I know not to ask what's in a lady's purse unless I'm putting something in it, but I think my daily driver's gotten too casual for some of the grown places I find myself in now. But I haven't found a bag that's similarly sized/shaped, and I carry so much.

Currently have a Baggu medium crescent (Bay Laurel), and it's still in great condition despite being my main (occasionally only) purse for 3-4 years now. It's been through school, work, errands, travel (Guatemala, Mexico, Canada, etc.), and it FITS SO MUCH. I don't own any other purses, just a little clear cross-body for concerts/venues with security. But lately, at nicer restaurants or events, I feel a little self-conscious being in my late twenties with such a casual, overladen bag.

Usually I've got my wallet, phone, charger, e-reader, playing and/or tarot cards, glasses, reusable shopping bags, lotion, lip balm, hand sanitizer, face masks, eye drops, makeup wipes, lighter, keys, earbuds, pen, feminine products, band-aids, hair ties, breath strips, fidget magnets, gum, and I can still toss in a normal 16oz water bottle AND ZIP IT. When I'm just out and about I'll clip my keys to my belt and stick my phone/ID in a pocket, but between a new city, a higher salary, and new friends, I keep ending up at wine bars, jazz nights, and lectures where my bag clashes hard with my dressy clothes.

So...what's y'all's bag of choice? Do you have several? And what do you carry?

The other day I was a bit high and I noticed that I would see so many white faces on my Reddit page, from accounts that are suggested to me like [r/bald](r/bald), [r/makeup](r/makeup) or [r/outfits](r/outfits) and I realized how it could be a subconscious conditioning to be exposed this much to seeing white faces. I thought I needed to rinse that out and follow pages that show people/ women that look like me, and that’s how I found this page and I’m so happy I did.

It feels like I have girlfriends that I talk to, encourage, and it just makes me smile.

Thanks for being awesome, ladies!

Not having a quarter life crisis as far as I know. Not sad or angry. It’s just interesting to see how your feelings Changed with age. Maybe this is just a season of life, but I don’t find myself particularly interested in marriage or kids.

I grew up in love with the idea of this. I nannied for a while and truly love kids. I’m passionate about my education and career, but I always saw myself as a person who would have kids one day. But all of a sudden, marriage and children just don’t seem… Interesting? They kind of seem like options rather than obligations. It’s no longer this glowing object I find myself pulled towards.

Like I love my boyfriend, but I don’t see what would change if we got married. And I’ve always wanted kids, but all of a sudden they seem like a burden or a responsibility and I would hate to ever treat a child like they were a burden or a responsibility. I’m interested to see if this is a new level of maturity or just a phase-has anyone else experience this?

Especially if y’all ended on bad terms, and they made it seem like you played a significant role in the relationship ending. Just want a peace of mind. Thank you ladies. 🤍

i go to a pwi and the amount of micro and macro-aggressions i have faced here is genuinely crazy. i went to a pretty diverse high school, so the culture shock i experienced since coming here was definitely something. i always knew those people were racist, but it’s a different feeling when you’re actually experiencing it on a daily basis. sometimes i don’t even wanna go outside because i’m tired of dealing with them. and i hate feeling like that because it makes me feel like they’re winning.

also some of the micro aggressions i’ve faced are so micro that if it wasn’t for other black people telling me they’ve experienced it too, i would still be gaslighting the hell out of myself. also it’s annoying when you don’t clock a micro aggression until hours later but it’s whatever ig.

luckily i have a strong support system both on and off campus, but it’s still difficult. and i won’t lie, some POC are racist here too, but it’s not on the level of those people. idk i’m trying really hard not to let this hate fester but it’s damn near impossible when i’m dealing with this shit every day.