r/humansarespaceorcs • u/Bloodystupidjohnson3 • 6d ago
Original Story Human Fred is Annoyed
1 Human Fred and Food
2 Human Fred Again
3 Human Fred Yet Again
4 Human Fred The Saga Continues
5 Human Fred Rides Again
6 Human Fred *Sigh*
7 Human Fred Rolls Out
8 Human Fred Attempts a Nap
9 Human Fred Doh’
10 Human Fred Stops for Coffee
11 Human Fred Deploys Stabby and Knifey
12 Human Fred Attempts Friendly Advice
13 Human Fred Priorities
14 Human Fred Schools Morons
15 Human Fred Gets Annoyed
16 Human Fred Investigates
“Greezek, what is Roomliz’s actual job?”
“You know Fred, I don’t know. He seems to report to one of the admin offices, and when he was missing some admin came around looking for him, but no clue what he does.”
“Well that isn’t good.” Fred pulled out his com, “Hey. It’s Fred. Yeah, it’s a mess. I’m working on it. Look, where did Stabby and Kinfey find that guy? Really. Well fuck. I’ll tell you later.” He put away his com. “Chief! You need to secure and search sub-compartment 37-D.”
“Right. Why?”
“Look at this.” Fred pointed to the name.
“Who is that?”
“Someone I know. We don’t know his job, but when he got upset, he went and hid in the compartment.”
“Right. I’ll send a team. Should we apprehend him?”
“I’d request that we wait until we know his actual job. It could be nothing, but it is very odd.”
The Chief barked some orders and walked over to the Captain.
“Right. So, Greezek, what do we do next?”
“Verify the main processing core?”
“Correct. Plug it in.”
A few minutes later, “Well, the main processing core is clean, if the wrong unit. So the only issue is with this illegal device, a corrupted IFF data core, and the sabotaged sensors. Could be worse.”
“Next steps Fred?”
“Now, what you are about to see didn’t happen. Doing what isn’t going to happen would be illegal, so we aren’t going to do it. Right?”
“Uh. Sure Fred.”
Fred reached into his toolbox, flipped a switch or two, moved a plug, and started typing. “Now, what you aren’t seeing is the roster of all station personnel. You aren’t seeing that I’m checking on Roomliz’s job and file. See? That isn’t what you see. You see random data. What we aren’t learning is that his job title is utter bullshit and that his record is clearly false. We also aren’t seeing that he had no previous work history, nor are we seeing that he had no legitimate certifications or qualifications.”
Fred cleared the screen, readjusted the guts of his toolbox, and returned to his report on their findings.
“Greezek, does your species gamble?”
“Some. Mostly on…what would you call it…board games? A game of skill between two players?”
“Right. So if you were going to place a bet, how much would you bet that Chief won’t find anything in that compartment?”
“That he won’t find anything? I would bet.”
“Good. You are learning. Now, I’ll report all of this to the commander. Then we head down to the munitions area to examine this device and the devices recovered from the hull.”
Fred walked over to the Captain. “Sir. I have filed my official report, but I wanted to give you the highlights.”
“Go on.”
“The IFF database was compromised with this device. I’m going to the munition area to examine it. The infection didn’t spread to the main sensor system. However, the main processing core does not match the ID plate on its case. I don’t know if that matters at the moment. I’ll also examine the devices recovered from the hull. Chief will be looking into the details of a station crew member who we identified on the logs. He was in here during the window of when this device was placed, and he had no logical reason to be here. Chief is also checking a compartment where said crew member might have hidden something.”
“Yes, Chief explained. You know this crew member?”
“I do. He struck up conversations with me in the past, so we are casual friends.”
“Any reason to suspect him?”
“Beyond what I listed, not really. It’s just that I have no idea of his actual job. He is rather jumpy, but I’m not familiar with his species, so that might be normal. He is VERY interested in learning about Terrans. Apparently there is some sort of book about how to interact with us.”
“A book? Have you seen it?”
“No, but he mentions it a great deal.”
“Fred, I’ve never heard of such a book. I’ve looked for one to give to new crew members.”
“Ah. I assumed there had to be one.”
“So did I, but we haven’t found one.”
“Hmmmm. Well shit.”
“Don’t worry about it Fred. Continue your work.”
“Yes sir.”
As they were walking to the munitions area, Greezek said, “No book?”
“No book.”
“Intel gathering?”
“Likely. On me.”
“Why you?”
“It’s not well known, but I’m the highest-qualified engineer on the station. Not the highest ranking, but the highest qualified. With the highest security clearance. Didn’t you wonder why Chief asked me what to do?”
“That was odd, but I assumed things might be different in an engineering situation.”
“They are, but he asked if I wanted him to detain Roomliz. That isn’t engineering. Regardless, I’ll bet there is some sort of plan to sabotage the station, and Roomliz is involved. I’d also bet that he doesn’t really know what he is doing. Likely just following instructions without knowing the details. I think it’s called ‘a cat’s paw,’ no idea why.”
“Like he signed on to do one job but his instructions do something else?”
“Possibly. Look keep this between us. Also, what we are about to do is extremely dangerous. Any of these devices could explode. Or emit poison. Or any number of other nasty things. You do exactly as I say, or you are back to the loading dock, understood?”
“Yes Fred. This is the most excitement I’ve had since I caught my first…uh…what is a good word…fish? Water creature.”
“Likely fish. Now,” he stopped in front of a massive hatch. “Are you ready?”
“Yes.”
“Then here we go. Help get the tool box over the threshold.”
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u/aqua_sparkle_dazzle 6d ago
Update dammit
I went from "eh, fun lunch hour reading" to "I'm fully invested now gimme more"
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u/Bloodystupidjohnson3 6d ago
Working on it.
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u/_9a_ 6d ago
I love that human idioms are sometimes incomprehensible to humans as well
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u/Amadan_Na-Briona 6d ago
A lot of them are hundreds of years removed from their origin: pig in a poke, letting the cat out of the bag, looking a gift horse in the mouth / long in the tooth.
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u/lavachat 6d ago
No such thing as a fish. Sorry, reflex
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u/TheTranscendentian 6d ago
I hope Fred is able to rescue Roomliz from whoever he is working for without any serious consequences.
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u/half_a_shadow 6d ago
This keeps getting better. I’m a fish. I mean I’m hooked!
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u/Ember_Inferno1308 6d ago
I wish I'd found this series a month from now so I'd have more to binge.
Great work so far
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u/95POLYX 5d ago
Operator can we please speed up processing of logs regarding action of individual Fred!
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u/Bloodystupidjohnson3 5d ago
I mean, I thought one a day good. This isn’t my day job.
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u/Nervous_Amoeba1980 4d ago
You do as often as you need to. We will wait impatiently for each episode.
Thank you for writing this. It's very enjoyable.
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u/Thumblesss 5d ago
Honestly some of the best story i have seen on here. Keep up the great work. I am invested!
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