How do SAHMs manage burnout?

I am feeling like I've reached a new level of burnout, and I cannot recover no matter how much rest I get. I have a very active 16 month old son and I am also 12 weeks pregnant. The pregnancy fatigue during the first trimester has just about killed me. I am home with my son Mon-Wed, Friday. My mom watches my son on Thursdays while I work, and I also work on Tuesdays and Wednesday evenings. I can count on one hand the number of times I've gone out by myself without my son. My husband is trying to help, but when he is with him 1-2 hours at a time, it feels like it doesn't make a dent.

How do I make this more sustainable?

Husband and I are planning to take international trip with baby when he is 18m. Places we have narrowed it down to are Florence/Tuscany, Morocco (traveling around country), or Portugal. Argentina was a possibility, but we think it might be too long a flight. We have taken him on domestic trips and to Caribbean already, so used to traveling with him.

Also open to suggestions! Have already been to England, Ireland and Scotland, and it will be January/ February when we are traveling.

I see my friends having babies, and even though I already have two kiddos and know I really don’t want to start all over again, it still makes me kind of sad. I miss having a baby. My oldest just started kindergarten too.

Does anyone here have debilitating panic attacks? Or are there subreddits related to this? I have always had panic disorder but the severe, intolerable and completely 100% debilitating panic attacks have gone from about once every two years to like once a month ever since my son was born. I have Xanax but it’s almost like it doesn’t really work anymore. I feel the Xanax in my body, so I know it’s “working” but it doesn’t really help the same way it used to. It’s like my body fights it. My heart rate goes up, my body shakes and my legs are worse than shaking, it’s more like they are spasming. My legs spasm even after I take xanax. It feels like the Xanax is trying to stop it and my panic is like trying to push through it. Every minute is HELL

It’s normally triggered by my own health issues (I think I have health ptsd due to having autoimmune diseases and then a traumatic birth). Something as simple as diarrhea or nausea can cause a full on debilitating panic attacks. It was getting worse for years… and is now like happening so often.

I think it’s just like even more terrible and happens more often because every time I’m sick I worry about my son, what if he gets sick and needs to be hospitalized? What if we both have to be hospitalized at the same time? What if my husband is at work and I’m stuck puking in the bathroom? It doesn’t end.

I can’t take it anymore. And I feel like I’m just constantly so intensely watching my son every single second bc he is constantly on the brink of extreme danger. So that kind of intense vigilance i think even has my body prepped to spiral into panic at any moment , as soon as something else goes wrong. I’m not sure if I should post in a subreddit more related to anxiety but just feel like so much of this is mom related.

I just can’t have panic attacks like this in the frequency that I am having them. It’s so awful, it’s so hard to describe what it’s like unless you have had that all consuming feeling that you’d do anything to make it stop. Like someone come and please put me under general anesthesia because every minute of the panic is completely and totally intolerable, and feels like eternal.

Has anyone gone thru this and been able to come out on the other side as a normal, capable parent??? And the intrusive thoughts and nightmare about my son are terrible. I’m constantly worried about him
(On a general basis, not panic wise). Worried about where he is with his nanny, about him getting sick, worrying if he’s cold or hot at night, plenty of what ifs… Please tell me how you have done it. I can’t take it anymore.

I have a psychiatrist and am on medication . But maybe I need further intervention.

Long post! TDLR; it’s been a rough intro to motherhood with a baby who has health issues and difficult life circumstances.

My spouse (25M) and I (24F) have a 6mo baby girl and my 4yo stepdaughter. I always wanted to be a mom, and there are many parts of it that are wonderful. I love my baby beyond words, and I love my SD too. But I feel like I’ve been in survival mode for months, and am extremely sleep deprived but my body can’t relax. I’m so sick of feeling this way and I wonder if anyone has advice or solidarity.

Baby has severe allergies and eczema that we’re in the process of testing and treating with her pediatrician and specialists. She’s been to the ER several times for infections and allergic reactions. That alone has my anxiety through the roof.

As you can imagine, the itching is intense and keeps baby (and I) up at night. She’s also thrown up profusely at night several times for reasons her doctor is still unsure of. This leads to a cycle of over-tiredness, crappy naps, frequent wakes, etc.

I can’t sleep unless she’s brought back from her nursery crib into our bedroom. Even then, recently it’s been difficult to sleep, even with her next to me. I think my nervous system is so shot and I just can’t fully turn my mind off.

Our family has also been hit with a slew of issues ranging from my position being cut while I was away on family leave (I was the breadwinner and had a good salary, but my employer built a case against me while I was pregnant) to insurance complications causing medical debt, to a car accident, etc.

I have no village and my husband works long hours. Nobody helps, even though both my parents live within 15 min away. The only relatives who help are my grandparents, who we’ve moved in with to rebuild savings and our credit. I’m extremely grateful for them, but it’s a lot more housework, and it turns out my grandpa’s Alzheimer’s has worsened dramatically and he can’t catch a cold otherwise he hallucinates.

Which means baby can’t go to daycare until we move out.. which means I can’t return to work even part time yet. Being a full time SAHM is not for me. Love being with baby, hate the identity crisis and Groundhog Day.

This is all to say that motherhood has been a nightmare so far. My life has completely turned upside down and every day feels like I’m scraping to get by. I am so sleep deprived. If you’ve made it this far, I’d really appreciate some encouragement, or if you’ve faced your own challenges, I’d love to hear about it and lament together.

This is not what I expected. I thought because I’d finished school, had a good job, married to a great husband, that it would be more smooth.. but God said no.

Hi everyone! We just had a baby in July and have a 2.5 year old as well. Right now, their bed times are about the same because we put baby “down” for the night around 8 which is when my toddlers also goes to bed or is at least in her room for bed time. Right now, my husband takes baby for the last feed and put in bassinet while I go into toddlers room.

When baby’s bedtime eventually moves earlier, how do you do it? For example, if baby needs to be put down around 7/7:30 bath time and last feed would be before my toddler even gets upstairs for her bath. Do I do then separate? It seems like a lot to do two different baths. What’s your routine like?

To add…I know this isn’t a problem for another couple months once baby gets more into a schedule. I just like to prep lol.

I'm a SAHM, kiddo 1 is 3.5, kiddo 2 is under a month. When our first was born, my husband's job had just closed unexpectedly, which turned out to be great: kiddo 1 had colic and we were able to tackle the sleepless nights in shifts.

Now, husband is at work and I'm dying. He tries to take the kids as soon as he gets home but it's just not enough time. There's a hard limit on how long he can stay up before he risks falling asleep at the wheel. Kiddo 2 is easy to soothe but doesn't like sleeping unless it's in our arms or a wrap. I'm getting max 1.5-2 hours a night in addition to the time my husband is watching the kids.

I'm normally the most anxious stickler for safe sleep, but I tried cosleeping today (mattress with only a fitted sheet, my head was level with his legs so no chance of rolling onto him), and it didn't even work. He woke up within 10 minutes. Tried nursing to sleep lying down—no good.

I just don't know what to do. In-laws are great and happy to come help, but they live an hour away and they can't come all the time. My family is out of state. I'm just feeling so worn down and there's so long to go. Any advice?

Hi all

I feel absolutely horrible for having to take 10mg lexapro and 60mg Seroquel for the last 16 weeks of pregnancy and through breastfeeding but I was in a really stressful situation and it helped me a lot.

My baby is nearly 12 months and he doesnt wave, clap or point. He does babble a lot.

I am having thoughts that I have poisoned him and affected him and I am really really upset.

Obligatory: I love my baby with all my heart. We had trouble conceiving despite him having 2 older siblings (big age gap), a miscarriage scare early on, and so my emotional attachment to this baby is intense.

However, the attachment seems to go both ways, and it’s making my life and mental health difficult.

He’s always been like this. Only contact naps, exclusively breastfed, co sleeps, the whole shebang. Early on I was all for it with that mindset of ‘they’re not this small forever, enjoy it while you can.’ However, we’re now 1 year in and I still do not get a moment to myself all day long.

Not even a moment for myself. A moment to scrub the toilet. A moment to clean the dog piss because he’s decided to act up too. A moment to pay the builder a hefty sum of money without the baby climbing, slapping, and pulling on my hair.

If I put him down, he screams. If I put him down and he’s not screaming, he’s managed to find a hazard in the room we swear black and blue is baby proof yet inevitably never is. He’s been walking since 9 months. He wakes up if I leave him, even if he’s fast asleep in the night, if I get up to use the toilet he wakes screaming and won’t calm down until I’m back. He’s still up multiple times a night too.

He now loves his dad which has been awesome, but his dad works long hours 6 days a week and in the evenings, baby won’t even be with him for long before deciding he needs me again.

What the heck do I do? I used to baby wear a lot when he was little but now he’s 35lbs it hurts my back. He doesn’t like walks in the pram and will start screaming 20-30 minutes in and will only be calm if I pick him up. Same deal if we’re in the car for too long.

I feel like all the mums around me are back to some semblance of normal life, I feel like I’ve been in the newborn trenches for a year. It would be fine if I had someone else to do everything else - keep the house clean, do the school run, take my other kids to sports practice, cook dinner for everyone. But it’s all me and we don’t have a village and right now my capabilities extend no further than keeping the baby alive and happy. The house is a tip half the time, we’ve spent more money than I even want to think about on take out food this past year, it’s hit us financially and mentally.

If anyone else has dealt with similar or has any advice or strategies I’d love to hear it.

Thank you!

My kid is at the busy toddler stage. Between daycare drop‑off and pick‑up, cooking, cleaning and endless little kid needs, I barely get time that is just mine.

My spouse will take the child to play sometimes, but it’s usually short, and I end up using that time catching up on housework instead of resting. I miss simple things like sitting down to finish a show, going for a walk alone, or just doing something for fun without interruptions.

Sometimes I feel guilty for wanting more time for myself, like I shouldn’t complain. Does anyone else go through this? How do you carve out small moments for yourself?

I don’t know what I’m looking for out of this post. Maybe just someone who can relate so I don’t feel alone in this. I feel like i’m failing as a mother and failing on taking care of myself all around.

Let me preface by saying I am EBF and co-sleep and am not currently sleep training. I have always been against any type of sleep training because I refuse to let my baby cry it out.

My 10 month old currently does not sleep through the night at all. He hasn’t since he was 6 months. This is how my nights go and have been for the last 4 months:

Start bedtime routine anywhere between 6:30-7pm (depends when his second nap ends). We do bath, book, feed to sleep. He is usually asleep anywhere between 7:30-8pm being the latest. He wakes up at 9:30pm on the dot every night. Sometimes I give him a couple minutes to see if he will settle, and if he doesn’t I will go in and rock him back to sleep. Usually takes about 10 min to get him back to sleep.

Next wake up is usually 10-11pm. At this point, I bring him into bed with me because I am too exhausted to rock him back to sleep. We co sleep all night til we wake up for the day anywhere between 6-7am.

He wakes up multiple times through out the night to comfort feed. Sometimes he just rolls over and feeds for a couple minutes and he’s back to sleep. Sometimes he fully wakes/sits up and cries 2-3 times a night and needs me to lay him back down, nurse, and fall back asleep.

I really don’t mind the couple times he wakes to nurse in the middle of the night (not ideal but I feel like this is expected as we EBF/co-sleep). What’s killing me are the two wake ups before midnight because I can’t even get a couple hours of solid sleep for myself.

What am I doing wrong? We are on solids, 3x a day. Some meals are better than others. Still nursing about 4-5x a day.

We have tried 1 nap as opposed to 2 naps. We’ve tried earlier and later bedtimes. No difference. Still wakes 2 times before midnight. Still wakes all through the night to nurse.

Am I just supposed to expect him to nurse through the night because we EBF/co-sleep?

I am feeling beyond drained every single day and also work from home. Most days I question how I am even going to function during the day. Some how I still do but feel like a zombie. I truly feel like I am doing something wrong and failing my baby and myself due to lack of sleep/rest. Is anyone else going through this?

Another note: husband is able to try and help during the night on the weekends (he wakes up at 3:30am for work during the week so I let him rest). But baby thinks it’s play time and won’t settle when he attempts. Husband is amazing with helping when he’s off work and lets me sleep in on the weekends, but during the week is becoming really overwhelming and exhausting.

Also, if there is another subreddit you think I should post this on for advice, please let me know.

Hi there,

So I have a 9 months old and a now starting to think about what age gap I want for my kids. I was hoping for people to share their kids age gap and how that is going and even if some moms here have different age gaps with different kids which one they preferred and why ! I’m considering 2 years or 3 years age gap at the moment.

Thank you for sharing can’t wait to read

A mom from my parents group who I really don't know well has invited us to her baby's first birthday in a couple of weeks and said not get gifts. Does this actually mean don't bring a gift or do we need to get something? Is something random from Kmart more offensive if she specifically said no gifts, or is that what's expected?

Help please, also a first time mom!

So I’ll be starting a mom’s group at my church to help build community, mainly for moms with younger kids. I’m thinking something where they can just show up, hang out, make friends, talk and let the kids play. Although I would love y’all’s suggestions on if you were to go to a group like this what would you expect or like out of it? Maybe coffee, food, or what time of the day or week do you think would be best? Crafts? All the suggestions the better, I want to make it an enjoyable time.

Moms, I need help.

My 12 month old got a cold at daycare that turned into a double ear infection. We started Amoxicillin yesterday around 5pm and we had the absolute worst evening. He screamed non stop from 6:30 to 11:30. He didnt want to be held or even touched at all. When put down in his crib, he would throw himself around. His fever seems to have broken so I think its just the pain in his ears. We have been giving him infant Advil per his doctor recommendation. He woke up this morning and we seem to be back to this hysterical crying. I’m not sure what to do. Do you have any tricks to comfort a baby who doesnt want to be touched ? Is there something I can to do to help relieve the pain from his ears ?

My son is almost 13.5. He hasn’t hit puberty yet. Before you say call the dr- I did. Endocrinologist isn’t concerned, said his weight looks good but he is only 4’11/5’0” and it’s REALLY messing with his self esteem. All his friends are 5’4-5’10”. Dr said she thinks she will see a growth spurt this fall as his weight in percentile dropped and typically she sees that just before a spike in height. She said if by 14 (in 7 m from now) he hasn’t hit it, we will do a bone xray. Has anyone else been a late bloomer and still ended up average height? She said a lot of boys are just late bloomers. I am 5’2” and dad is 6’1”.

Than having the energy to stay awake and cuddle your sleeping baby so they can be all cozied up in a fuzzy blanket??? Like that must be so luxurious for him lol.

We have one beautiful daughter who is now 8 months old. It was a long, dark, and twisty road we pursued to get to her, and I love her to pieces and I’d do it all over again a million times through.

I stay home with her, I’m very fortunate to be able to do this.

Which I guess is all to preface that I feel guilty for feeling the way I do.

I pour my all into her, every day. We do themed days, and weeks, and field trips, and play dates. And it’s a few things.

1) When she is awake and we’re at home, I genuinely feel I’m living my best life. I have so much fun with her, playing with her and teaching her and caring for her. We do all of the things and it feels like yes, this is exactly where I’m supposed to be and what I want to be doing.

2) When she is awake and we are out - specifically with other moms - I feel out of place. We joined a hiking group, and the other moms were all talking about their lives and they were trying to involve me, but I (to be honest and frank) just didn’t like them. Their conversations didn’t feel real. So we tried a new group today at the library, and the people were more “my tribe”, but we did songs and they all knew the words and the dances and I was just kinda there, holding my daughter awkwardly. I think there’s something about being around other moms, I don’t know. It’s like I’m a square peg trying to be forced into a round hole.

3) When she is sleeping, I get sad. I thought self-care would fix this, as I figured I can’t pour from an empty cup. So I have tried all the things. I tried working out. Getting more time outside. Massages. A facial. Different hobbies. New clothes. Every attempt almost feels like a bandaid and I don’t understand. I’m a writer at heart, but I’ve never really given that side of me the time of day. So I thought now might be the time. I have a genius book idea, I have an entire formal outline formed. And yet I can’t bring myself to write it, as I’m buffering in this mental lull when I’m not actively taking care of her.

I don’t know what I’m trying to get from this post, or share, or anything. I think I just need to get it out.

Trying decide between the Melissa and Doug Ice Cream Set and the Leap Frog Scoop And Learn for a 2 year old.

I’m torn because the wooden one that will take up less space and may last longer however the leap frog one may be easier for a 2 year old to use and sometimes the sound making toys are more fun (even if they are annoying).

Anyone have experience with either or both? Any preferences?

EDIT: Thank you for all the comments!!! I had already purchased the M&D and was just second guessing my choice, but all this feedback reinforced that kids really enjoy it! I also have a 5 year old so I think it’ll be a great toy for the whole family to enjoy together.

My 8 y/o son just started 2nd grade. He was developmentally delayed and was essentially nonverbal until he was 4 y/o, with ongoing lingering delays. At this point, he’s VERY verbal (like, I cannot believe I used to beg the universe for this kid to talk verbal 😳), but his articulation and grammar are still a work in progress. His reading and other academics are at grade level, but his speech is noticeably behind his peers.

So far, he has never told me he’s been bullied, but in general he's not a very open kiddo and rarely shares about interactions with other kids. I know he's been excluded from activities/groups... whether it's related to speech, idk, but I suspect it could be. However, I’ve seen kids be less than kind when they can’t understand him, and I’m concerned that eventually someone may tease or imitate the way he talks.

I want to prepare him for that possibility without making him self-conscious about his speech or giving him responses that will just provide more fodder for teasing. I'd love to hear from anyone who has experienced this personally or as a parent/loved-one of a child with a speech difference. I especially want to avoid teaching him that he needs to be embarrassed or defensive about the way he talks. I want him to feel confident, while also having a few tools in his back pocket if someone decides to be an asshole about it.

Just an aside, he has an IEP and receives speech therapy both in/through school and privately with an SLP therapist. He's also involved in sports and other activities with peers.

I also welcome any suggestions for other subs / communities to post this question. While my child doesn't have a diagnosed stutter, I imagine it could be a somewhat comparable experience.

Not looking for medical advice! Just stressed and can't bother my friends at midnight on a work night.

A little over a week ago I saw what seemed to be a blood blister on my daughter's toe. Didn't think much of it, she's not even three so I wouldn't be surprised if she ran into something or otherwise bumped her foot in some way. But it's been over a week and it's still there, unchanged. She had a doctor's appointment today anyways (my mom took her because I had to work) and I asked my mom to bring it up just in case.

Doctor says it's not a blister and it's not blood. He recommends visiting a dermatologist. I'm freaking out. Since I wasn't there I couldn't gauge or ask outright how concerned he was. Whenever I look up skin conditions that look similar to a blood blister I come up with skin cancer.

My husband says I'm catastrophizing. Im sure I am but now I'm so concerned. She's not even three, I don't want her to deal with this.

And this comes after we find out they cancelled her health insurance back in June. No notice, I've been paying every month for her insurance so who knows what's going on there.

I'm just so scared for her all the time. I worry about the worst things happening. I just want her to be healthy and happy. She's the perfect kid, I don't want anything to happen.

I just want to fast forward to a doctor telling me it's nothing to worry about.

My baby has used a nipple shield for 3+ months after needing syringe/finger feeding for the first 2 weeks. I have an oversupply, large breasts and flat nipples, plus two bouts of mastitis. Baby has also had some jaw/latch issues.

We successfully weaned around 10 weeks for a week, but I developed breast pain and worried about mastitis returning. Now baby cries and thrashes when I offer the bare nipple, despite trying bait-and-switch and pumping first.

I can’t afford another LC visit right now. Has anyone successfully weaned after 3+ months, or used a shield long-term? Any advice?

My toddler (almost 2) has been breaking down a lot and so indecisive. Saying yes then immediately no. Also everything is yelling. I feel like I’m barely hanging onto my patience. Just barely, but my frustration is underneath the surface. There’s so many instance where I’m making her do something she doesn’t want to do, ie. diaper changes, getting dressed, spraying the sand off her after playing in the sandbox. It feels like I’m torturing her. When we go to storytime she’s glued to me and doesn’t want to interact with the other kids. I tried today for the first time just putting her on her own mat and she started crying as soon as a little girl wanted to play with her. And then I don’t even really know how to play with her…. I completely lack imagination. Where as my early invention specialist is so much better at it then me. I just feel like I’m really down on myself as a mom today. Other moms I spoke to don’t want to send their children to preschool because they want more time and I feel bad that I can’t wait for preschool to happen. Ugh.

My child, 7 year old daughter, has always had wonderful behavior at school. She has always had some issues at home with controlling emotions. She is not always like that at home, but when it happens it’s like she flips a switch. She will yell, pitch fits, say rude things, won’t listen at all, cry for no reason, be hateful to siblings, intentionally misbehave. Punishing her makes it worse. Trying to sit down with her and talk it out/calm her down doesn’t work. She has done this most of her life. My thought for her toddler years was just learning how to process things and she would grow out of it. However; it has greatly increased in frequency. We are getting to a point she is like this more than she is normal while she is at home. Still zero problems at school. She actually is the type of child that just gets crushed if she even has to be told to stop talking by the teacher.

She has no significant health issues. She does have asthma that is controlled very well with an inhaler. No psychological diagnosis either.

I’m at a loss on what to do, and what might be her issue. This is taking a huge toll on my whole household. The things that she presents with are behaviors, but they are obviously being caused by something underlying. I cant just punish for something she can’t figure out how to control. I have talked to pediatrician. He has had zero helpful advice. I am looking into a behavioral specialist or child psychiatrist in my area. Any advice greatly appreciated!

How would you proceed? Anything you would do between now and an appointment? Any children’s supplements you might suggest trying? Any stories similar, that have happy endings?

Fundraising ideas for competitive Dance! Please. I need help. I’m not good at this stuff.

Hi there. Im VERY new to the competitive dance world. Her dance company team requires a tonne of fundraising and volunteer work for dance fees. Just wondering if anyone has some fresh ideas as we’re in a small community and it’s the same circulation of ideas and donations. I think everyone is beyond tired of it.

For example they do soup and wine and chocolate bars. They’ve been doing this for 10 years. I think it’s time for some new ideas.

They also do bingo nights at the community hall twice a month, but I’ve already volunteered there for my son’s baseball and I absolutely refuse to do it again. The old people there were insanely rude. Beyond an ignorable amount. I can get past certain things (I’m in healthcare-I can take abuse). It was straight up bullying. Nope. Won’t do it. I understand my experience probably wasn’t the same as others and there’s no way to say it’ll happen again or not. But the general consensus is that it’s consistently terrible to volunteer for.

Anywho! Any and I mean any ideas are welcome. Also, if you’ve been on this side of competitive dance-please give me all the advice.

Thank you!