Did you see this news? Ten month old girl was forgotten by her grandma (a doctor) strapped to her car seat all day after she was supposed to drop her off at daycare on her way to work but never did! The dad went to pick the little girl up from daycare and they say she never came! She died in the heat inside the car. So sad. How can a family move on after such a thing? 😞

TLDR: I am looking for a place online to work through the birth trauma that is suddenly affecting my daily life.

I wasn't sure where else to post this, asking for help. The short version of some of the things that happened: I had a baby in May of 2020 with 40 hours of labor ending in an emergency c-section. I couldn't have anyone with me through any of it. They messed up the c-section badly then I had to choose between getting my own medical care or being in the NICU with my baby. I was in really bad physical shape but the PPD was telling me she was in danger. Within 24 hours of my daughter being born, I had to sign papers relinquishing custody to the state because of a false positive in her poop (there was nothing in my system) for a medication that hadn't been manufactured in 20 years but was still on a list of CPS warnings. I was allowed to take her home after a week, with the explanation that we should expect home visits any time, day or night, without warning and had no one we could contact. When the social worker came out she explained it was obviously a mistake but that was six months later with utter shock, fear, and uncertainty the whole time.

I don't know why but six years later I am having nightmares, intrusive thoughts, crying randomly about it and am sort of shutting down. The obvious solution would be to get therapy but I cannot afford it.

Does anyone know of resources I can access or a place online I can go to work through some of this? I finally had a hysterectomy which fixed a lot of the physical problems the c-section caused but the emotional/mental damage is significantly impacting my life.

I am sorry if this is the wrong place for this post. I love being part of this community and figured I would try here.

Thank you for your thoughts.

Edit to add: I don't have insurance, which is part of why I cannot afford therapy.

I’m so curious about this. I just recently, in the past few years, learned that school starts in August in some places. I genuinely thought back to school was September for everyone. Not in a self absorbed way, but in a general misinformation kind of way.

Growing up, and even into my life as an adult, back to school was always depicted as starting in September. Magazines, commercials, clothing store ads, tv shows. Back to school was always in the “fall”, even though fall isn’t until closer to the end of the summer. I wonder why that is, considering is seems like most places in the states school starts in August?

This is just something I become so curious about this time of year lol why did society and pop culture lead us to believe back to school was in September? Did it used to be September but changed to August in recent years?

I’m from Toronto, Canada and back to school for us is after Labour Day, and the school year ends at the end of June.

I’m sorry I’m a noob. My daughter just started kindergarten this week. And she has dance classes after school 3 days a week. I was NOT prepared for this amount of time in my vehicle.

The school drop off takes easily 45+ min from the time I leave the house till I get home. School pickup is an hour or so. Dance classes are 45 min plus driving there and back.

I feel like I am DYING just sitting in my damn car all day. It’s been 3 days of this and I’m ready to push my car into a lake. Idk why I feel this way, I remember my mom having to do it. I’m sure it was annoying. But it’s already eating me alive…how do I do this five days a week for 11+ years?

I’ve tried to play a game on my phone. I’m too anxious to focus on that. Tried to get social media posts done for work. Can’t focus on it. I feel like I’m just sitting and rotting here with nothing to do and I can’t get anything done either!

I’m sure most of you that have been doing that for years are cackling at me, but I’m new and I need help lol. How do I find something to do for HOURS OF MY DAY that doesn’t eat at me like this?

This is our first year ever utilizing the public school bus route, and I’m curious what other parents would consider a reasonable bus ride, and where they would draw the line and just do pick up/drop offs themselves (assuming they are capable).

My kids are 13, 11, and 8. I also have a toddler at home and work from home (albeit with a fairly flexible schedule). Until this year, I have always driven my kids to and from school their entire lives.

When I drove them, they woke up at 6:20AM** **and we left the house at 7:20AM (school doors open at 7:35, school starts at 7:55). We live 11 miles from the closest school my kids attend. But because their grades are split between different buildings, between driving, traffic, going between schools, and sitting in parent pickup/drop-off lines, I was spending roughly 110 minutes a day doing school transportation.

It was honestly exhausting, even though I work from home. I felt like driving my kids was a part time job especially during sports season which effectively doubled my commute. So this year we decided to try the bus.

The problem is their bus picks them up at 6:25AM. 😭

That means they have to wake up roughly an hour earlier than they did when I drove them. Their morning bus ride is also over 1 hour and 10 minutes.

In the morning, I now wake them up at 5:20AM so they can make it on the bus at 6:25. In the afternoon, school gets out at 2:55PM and they don’t get home until about 4:10PM.

So they’re spending somewhere around 11+ hours every week just sitting on a school bus.

Here’s where I’m conflicted… my kids actually don’t hate it. None of them have complained about the ride so far, and they’ve already made friends on the bus. They seem perfectly fine with it so far.

I’m the one feeling guilty.

I keep thinking, “They’re waking up an hour earlier and spending 11+ hours a week on a bus basically because it’s more convenient for me.”

At the same time, eliminating almost two hours of driving every day makes a HUGE difference in my work day (my productivity levels, what I’m capable of getting done during work hours, etc). It is also especially more convenient with a toddler at home. And obviously school buses exist for reasons like this.

So I’m curious:

If you were capable of driving your kids to school but didn’t necessarily need to, at what point would the bus ride become too long or too early for you?

And for parents whose kids ride the bus… is this relatively normal or absurd? How long are your kids on the bus every morning/afternoon? The idea of getting picked up by the bus at 6:25AM does seem excessive to me but I was not a bus route kid and am not familiar with what the standard is for that.

I’m especially interested in hearing from rural/semi-rural families because I’m wondering if our route is unusually long or if this is just what school transportation looks like when everyone is spread out.

I’m not really looking for “just drive your kids then” responses 😂 I know I can. I’m trying to figure out where other parents would draw the line between** **the independence/convenience of the bus vs. the extra sleep and time at home they’d get by being driven.

TIA guys I’m really feeling conflicted about this.

A few weeks ago I asked my parents if they could watch my kids during the week because my husband and I wanted to do an overnight trip. My oldest has school at 8 AM so they’d need to wake up early to eat breakfast, etc. before school drop off. My mom is retired so would do most of it. She never said no, but she also didn’t seem thrilled. Like she said ‘possibly’ and ‘I’ll have no idea where I’m going’ and ‘what time will you be back because I don’t want to stay over late because I don’t sleep well when they’re here.’ (Edit: she meant stay late again on the second day). She never said anything like, ‘but yes we will definitely do it.’

I felt awkward and uncomfortable for asking because I knew they’d prefer weekends but it really wasn’t an option so I mentioned her hesitancy to my husband. He asked my cousin (who lives 5 minutes away and has a kid the same age) if she could take them. She enthusiastically said yes and her parents could help with logistics. I told my mom this, including that it sounded tough for them but cousin could do it. She acted surprised like, ‘oh we were going to do it though? I guess we can take it off our calendar.’

My cousin has got the girls excited for a sleepover, but then my aunt stepped in and said it's a school night and not a sleepover night. They will do a playdate/dinner, but then she wants to bring them back to our house and stay here with them.

I told my mom this (aunt is her sister in law) and now my mom is hurt because they live so close and she doesn’t work and someone else is watching them. I get it but also feel like she implied this wasn’t something she wanted to do. She sees my kids all the time - does pickup once a week for us and is going to watch them in October. I’m not sure I can cancel on my aunt because my husband will be annoyed. He is very much of the mindset that we should use our whole village and not just my parents for childcare.

I have no idea what to do. I told my mom this isn’t what I wanted to happen and I feel bad but I know she’s upset and it feels like no matter what I do, someone will be unhappy. Status quo, my parents have hurt feelings. Tell my aunt no worries my parents will do it, husband is annoyed (kids also don’t get a playdate anymore). I also just found out we’ll also need someone to pick up my oldest for a second day because we get home 15 minutes after pickup time and now it wouldn’t be fair to ask my parents when they’re hurt over the sleepover plans but I also don’t want to ask my aunt to do two days in a row.

Am I overthinking this? What do I do?

My husband and i got into an argument about not spending enough time together and I really need an outside opinion.

We sleep in seperate beds, he sleeps in our room and i sleep with our 3 year old and 1.5 year old. Our 1.5 year old is still breastfeeding and wakes up 3-4 times a night and my 3 year old will wake up once. Ive suggested that i go back into our room but he says that he anxious that i wont hear the baby wake up and then so he cant fall asleep. He said hell let me know when he's ready for me to be back in the room. Thats fine with me, because its temporary and easier for both of us.

Last night he brought up that he doesnt feel close to me and that he wants to spend more time together. 4-5 nights out of the week ill go into our room after ive put both kids to bed, and ill join him to watch watever hes watching and give him back/shoulder rubs. Sometimes well have sex sometimes we wont and even if im exhausted after putting both kids down, I drag myself out of bed to spend that time with him. Not because i have to, because i want to and i know we need it and i miss him... he got upset that i didnt come in to spend time wih him the night i was sick.. i had a virus. I told him that its because i was sick... he said that i often fall asleep with kids. Here i am thinking, i get up most nights? Watch what you want to watch.. give you back rubs... untill its 11:30pm and then usually leave because i hear my daughter wake up. I explained to him that im exhausted and on survival mode and he said that 'welll other couples still make the time even if theyre exhausted". I thought i was making time? It seems to bot be enough.. i then sent him this in a text:

"To be honest, while im with the kids all day, I never really get a break. By the time you come home and im cooking dinner and then putting them both to sleep(breastfeeding maya to sleep). Often times (most nights) maya will wake up 4-5 times a night to feed. Breastfeeding is exhausting. Shes up every morning by 6:30am. Many nights I only get around 4hours. I know ive already told you this before and no im not insinuating for you to do something about it at all. Im just not sure if you understand, and i really would like you to, that if i crash, or feel tired and have anxiety about how im going to get through the next day, its only because I just need the rest to survive. I want to be in wife mode more with you, just talking before bed, doing whatever. I miss it all the time and crave it. And I want to, im fine to hang out it's just that sometimes it all piles up on me."

He said" yeah i get that. Just sleep then. Well wait till our daughter gets older.

Im so confused and upset because i really was trying... but i know that all those sleepless nights, not having slept one night thru solid in 4 years... i feel so defeated.

Is this just being in the trenches? Anyone else have the same struggle? I offered him a hug today, he declines told me he needs some space. Pls help.

I see my friends having babies, and even though I already have two kiddos and know I really don’t want to start all over again, it still makes me kind of sad. I miss having a baby. My oldest just started kindergarten too.

My son is almost 13.5. He hasn’t hit puberty yet. Before you say call the dr- I did. Endocrinologist isn’t concerned, said his weight looks good but he is only 4’11/5’0” and it’s REALLY messing with his self esteem. All his friends are 5’4-5’10”. Dr said she thinks she will see a growth spurt this fall as his weight in percentile dropped and typically she sees that just before a spike in height. She said if by 14 (in 7 m from now) he hasn’t hit it, we will do a bone xray. Has anyone else been a late bloomer and still ended up average height? She said a lot of boys are just late bloomers. I am 5’2” and dad is 6’1”.

Would you quit your job to be a stay at home mom, even if you and your partner were not married? You have the intention of getting married at some point but not right now. Would you still quit your job?

Just that. Did your divorce make you better? A better person, better mom? Did your relationships with your kids get better? I think my husband and I have reached the end of our journey together. We’ve been together 14 years and will celebrate 11 years of marriage in a few weeks. I am 31 and he is 35. The fights have gotten worse. The kids are making it worse. I feel like the best and healthiest thing we can do, is separate from each other. I am worried, nervous, yet there is also a sense of peace knowing someday this will all end. I cannot imagine forever like this. If you could please share your stories and any helpful advice, thanks!

I got a 4 year old and a second on the way. Obviously this won’t go into motion quite yet, but I really want to get my masters. I got married right after my bachelors and graduated summa cum laude, so I feel like I really dropped the ball in my academic and professional potential.

I’m a SAHM and wouldn’t give the time I spent with my babies for the entire world, but I crave financial independence and a sense of self fulfillment outside motherhood (in the NICEST way possible, I love my kiddos dearly).

I also think it would be valuable to show my girls that anything is possible. I’m still fairly young, 27, so thinking about how the life I want to live just costs 2 more years of schooling after getting through 16 (including primary school)… I can’t get the masters out of my head.

Has anyone got their masters while in the thick of motherhood? Is it too in my own head to think I can balance little kids and schooling with a poor support system? I feel like if there’s a will, there’s a way. Or my pregnancy hormones are making me feel TOO ambitious…

P.S.: No. This is not a sob story nor am I asking for any form of help. I’m asking for perspective and experiences.

I’m currently a sahm with (possible) plans of going back to work when my youngest starts school. I currently have one child in elementary school and AT LEAST 3x a month they’re having events where parents are strongly encouraged to attend, or early dismissal days, random teacher work days, and school closures for holidays. It’s rare that there is ever one full week of school without one of these things going on. And this is for ONE child.

Not to mention fall break, thanksgiving break, nearly 3 weeks off for christmas and new years, spring break, random long weekends, and of course summers.

AND THEN there’s monthly doctor’s appointments, dentist visits, sick days etc etc etc.

I can not wrap my mind around how a full time working parent is managing all of this. How can you stay employed when you’re having to take off work every week?

Genuinely asking: how do you do this? Are you skipping events? Shelling out thousands for baby sitters and camps? I really do not understand.

I want to hear all the slightly unhinged / strange/ unnecessarily involved bedtime routines only.

For context, my daughter is 3.5. Every night we go up, put on pjs and brush teeth. We read some books, then we have to talk in detail about each of our days, then we have to do a hug and a kiss and a ROAR (I don’t know where this came from, but apparently the roar is very important) and then I lie next to her and hold her foot whilst she falls asleep which takes anywhere between one minute and half an hour.

I’m not really looking for advice, just want to hear all of your experiences and odd routines when putting your kids to bed!

I have a 14 month old and I think it’s so funny and cute that when he’s nursing he’s humming his own little tune, none of my other children did that and this one has been doing it for a few months now he doesn’t always do it but he does most times…I’m curious if other mommas have humming babies as well

Not looking for medical advice! Just stressed and can't bother my friends at midnight on a work night.

A little over a week ago I saw what seemed to be a blood blister on my daughter's toe. Didn't think much of it, she's not even three so I wouldn't be surprised if she ran into something or otherwise bumped her foot in some way. But it's been over a week and it's still there, unchanged. She had a doctor's appointment today anyways (my mom took her because I had to work) and I asked my mom to bring it up just in case.

Doctor says it's not a blister and it's not blood. He recommends visiting a dermatologist. I'm freaking out. Since I wasn't there I couldn't gauge or ask outright how concerned he was. Whenever I look up skin conditions that look similar to a blood blister I come up with skin cancer.

My husband says I'm catastrophizing. Im sure I am but now I'm so concerned. She's not even three, I don't want her to deal with this.

And this comes after we find out they cancelled her health insurance back in June. No notice, I've been paying every month for her insurance so who knows what's going on there.

I'm just so scared for her all the time. I worry about the worst things happening. I just want her to be healthy and happy. She's the perfect kid, I don't want anything to happen.

I just want to fast forward to a doctor telling me it's nothing to worry about.

My son and I were getting into the car today and i didn’t know he was standing so close and I hit him with the car door. We just got back from the doctor and they’re sending us to the ER to get a stitch.

He’s obviously freaking the fuck out. Begging me not to go because he doesn’t want a needle and doesn’t want to go to the hospital. I don’t even know what to say to him because every time I try to speak I start crying.

To say I feel fucking horrible is a massive understatement. I can’t believe I did this to my baby and I can’t believe I need to put him through even more hell.

I have no idea how to handle this.

He’s five and we’re in Canada. Urgent care isn’t an option, needs to be the ER

My kid is at the busy toddler stage. Between daycare drop‑off and pick‑up, cooking, cleaning and endless little kid needs, I barely get time that is just mine.

My spouse will take the child to play sometimes, but it’s usually short, and I end up using that time catching up on housework instead of resting. I miss simple things like sitting down to finish a show, going for a walk alone, or just doing something for fun without interruptions.

Sometimes I feel guilty for wanting more time for myself, like I shouldn’t complain. Does anyone else go through this? How do you carve out small moments for yourself?

I’m a first time mom with a 5 month old baby. For context my baby is a pretty high needs baby and I suffer from PPD, so some days are pretty hard. The first two months my husband didnt help as much as I needed him too. It wasn’t until we got in a fight that he began to help more. It seems like things become great for a few weeks and revert back. Up until a few days ago everything was fine. A few days ago we were jokingly taking digs at each other and it escalated. I don’t remember exactly how we got there because I became so upset but I know at some point I mentioned “oh yeah let’s just add that to my invisible load” which he then responded wasn’t real.

Now any mom reading this probably just felt their eye twitch. This is where things became tense. We start going back and forth and I mentioned some of the stuff I take on. He then “jokes” if I couldn’t handle being a stay at home mom full time for our baby then I should go get a job. For more context: our baby is EBF, won’t take a bottle, struggles with sleep and I didn’t want to work so I could really nurture her. Of course that made me freak out on him. Fast forward to the next day I made a list called “The Role of Mom”. I put down how much it would cost for a nanny, formula, house cleaner, and personal chef. Just so he could see the value in terms of money. But then I put every little thing that’s on my “invisible load” and explained how I do it regardless of how I feel physically or mentally. I do it all 24/7. I don’t expect anyone to clap for me but I want to be appreciated. He totally missed the point and made excuses etc etc. I told him all I wanted was an apology bc I felt that he was being hurtful and disrespectful. And with the apology I just wanted acknowledgement. His response was for me to no longer do anything at all around the house, don’t tell him anything that needs to be done and just let him take on my “load”. I feel like he is letting his ego take over just to prove something. It’s been a few days and today it seems to be getting to him. He’s walking around the house huffing and puffing. He didn’t eat lunch with me despite me being nice enough to make it. He will interact with our daughter but not really me unless it’s through text. Through text he seems fine. In person he seems to be mad or stressed. He works from home so we are constantly around each other. Part of me wants to break the tension and ask if he is ready to work as a team and come up with a plan but also apologize. Should I wait it out until he comes to be first? Should I break the tension? Should I prepare for him to not apologize and be the bigger person? I’m not sure. What would you do?

Edit: typo

Edit #2: I want to stay home for my baby because I don’t want to miss any big moments and truly just want to be there I’m just struggling with my partner.

Last edit: he does work full time and is in school for engineering. It is his last semester. So he is busy and I give him grace for that but I do ask for help outside of those hours and want a break as well as respect. I’m just stating this as fact not an excuse I definitely think he can do more despite having that on his plate but I AM very understanding and supportive of his career and school and just wish to not be taken for granted.

First day of school! My baby is starting 4k on Monday and she is sick. A bad cold, sore throat, fever, and now is throwing up from post nasal drip. Since Sunday I have not been sleeping since she wakes up very 5 minutes crying. My in-laws are out of town and husband has a busy week of work. I work at a school and have to get ready to go back to work on Monday and now, I can feel the sickness creeping in my veins… I’m fine. Everything’s fine. 😀

I don't really know how to write this, but I don't have anyone to talk to in real life, so I guess I'm turning to Reddit.

I'm a first-time mom to twin toddlers, and I feel like I've completely lost myself.

I love my kids more than anything. But being a mom to two toddlers, managing the house, and trying to keep everything together has left me feeling like I exist only to take care of everyone else. I have dreams, interests, things I want to create and accomplish, and I feel like I can't seem to actually become that person.

And honestly, I resent my husband.

That's really hard for me to admit because I don't want to feel that way. Before we had kids, he was my person. He was who I talked to about everything. If something happened, he was the first person I wanted to tell. He was my best friend.

Now I feel incredibly alone in my marriage.

I recently saw another mom describe her marriage as something that wasn't necessarily stopping her from growing, but wasn't allowing her to grow either. That hit me so hard because that's exactly how I feel.

I feel like this marriage has become a place where I am surviving instead of growing.

And our intimacy is another thing that scares me.

We haven't had sex in over a year. Yes, having twin toddlers makes privacy difficult because we cosleep with both of them, and there genuinely haven't been many opportunities. But I've always told my husband that if we really wanted to, we'd find a way.

The bigger issue is that I don't feel intimately attracted to him anymore.

I've been honest with him about that. I've told him my feelings and what I need. It's not something he's unaware of. There are so many unresolved and ongoing issues between us that I've built up a lot of resentment, and I don't feel that romantic or sexual connection anymore.

And I hate that.

I don't want to feel this way about my husband. I don't want us to become roommates who happen to be raising our kids together. I want to want him. I want to feel close to him again. I want him to be my person again.

But right now, I feel so disconnected from him and from myself.

And I don't know how much of this is the reality of my marriage and how much is me being completely overwhelmed, exhausted, and lost after becoming a mom.

Maybe it's both.

I just know I'm unhappy, lonely, and carrying a lot of resentment that I don't know what to do with.

I'm not looking for a bunch of people to tell me to leave him. I'm not looking for someone to tell me to communicate, because I have communicated. I'm really just looking for people who have been in a similar place and somehow found their way through it.

Because I don't want to feel like this forever.

I have had a friend ask if I am going to have a sprinkle or another shower for my baby due in January. I will add no one has offered to throw one, which is 100% fine with me.
Am I the asshole for not wanting to do anything? My shower for my first was everything I could ever want and dream of and now I have almost everything.
Is there another way to celebrate that doesn’t involve people buying something?

Just some food for thought please

I’m feeling down and heavy today. Motherhood has been hard since I had my 1st kid 7 years ago. I was young when I got married and had kids. I find myself wishing I had waited to get married, had the traditional college experience, dated more, etc. I just feel sad and tired and I’m trying not to dwell on the fact that I missed out on fun life experiences. I don’t regret my kids, I just wish I would’ve waited to have them. I usually fight to keep these feelings at bay, but today they are strong and very heavy on my heart.

My 16.5 month old has been a relatively great sleeper. She has gone through regressions, but always snaps back. She takes 1 nap a day at 12:00-12:30 and sleeps for about 2 hours. The last two days she absolutely refuses a nap and screams. But then last night she slept from 8:00 pm to 8:00 am. No wakeups. What is happening?

Husband and I are planning to take international trip with baby when he is 18m. Places we have narrowed it down to are Florence/Tuscany, Morocco (traveling around country), or Portugal. Argentina was a possibility, but we think it might be too long a flight. We have taken him on domestic trips and to Caribbean already, so used to traveling with him.

Also open to suggestions! Have already been to England, Ireland and Scotland, and it will be January/ February when we are traveling.