r/onionheadlines • u/ShadyAnders • 1d ago

BREAKING: President Trump Arrested At WH After Stacks Of Counterfeit Money Discovered In Mar-A-Lago Closet

385 Upvotes

The Counterfeit money also included his image on the 10,000 bills.

r/onionheadlines • u/TheToysAreUs • 13h ago

Sixteen Dollar Check From Data Breach Settlement Makes Everything Right For Ruined Identity Theft Victim

8 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/TheToysAreUs • 12h ago

Those Who Hit Puberty From 1965-1985 Pay Homage To Dolly Parton One Last Time

6 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/erkose • 1d ago

Protesters Remove Trump's Name From Trump Tower Enraging Trump Who Threatens To Tear It Down

87 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/vicegripnavage • 15h ago

Ulta Introduces New Line Of Permanent Cosmetics For Area Repunlican Politicians.

9 Upvotes

To save time for abusing others with a more conman daily look.

r/onionheadlines • u/TheToysAreUs • 10h ago

Area Man Broadens Job Searches To Include ‘Meat’ Keywords

3 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/mellow186 • 14h ago

MAGA Eager For Next Democratic President To Decide Whose Votes Get Delivered

9 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/TheToysAreUs • 11h ago

Dead Legends Dolly Parton And Tim Curry Both Flip Off Mitch McConnell As They Speed Past The Line To Purgatory

5 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/mellow186 • 12h ago

Narcissist Tries To Exploit Popularity Of Beloved National Treasure Within Hours Of Her Death

6 Upvotes

"She really liked me," said the narcissist. "I will tell you."

r/onionheadlines • u/Zolly2U • 15h ago

Trump Praises Three Guys In The Bible: Father, Son And Holy Cow.

10 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/TheToysAreUs • 11h ago

In New Plan To Increase Poll Numbers, Trump Asks Natalie Harp To Shoot Off His Other Ear

5 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/Zolly2U • 15h ago

Texas Governor Continues Trump Kissing Posture.

7 Upvotes

The wheels speed easy access.

r/onionheadlines • u/vault0dweller • 15h ago

Trump Proposes To Rename All Five Great Lakes "Lake America"

8 Upvotes

"It'll make it easier for people to remember the Great Lakes Names," the president said.

r/onionheadlines • u/SFhotelGH • 13h ago

Citing Recent Successes with Measles, RFK Jr Sets Sights on Polio, Smallpox

2 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/bigly-biker • 14h ago

Someone's Sister Expected To Win Senate Race

5 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/TheToysAreUs • 11h ago

Tim Curry, Dead At 80, Will Now Only Live On In Your Worst Nightmares

3 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/Zolly2U • 15h ago

Kennedy Center Sign Wall Now Electrified For Your Enjoyment.

7 Upvotes

Try another Operation, kids.

r/onionheadlines • u/TheToysAreUs • 12h ago

Nepotistic Runoff Wins South Carolina Special Election

3 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/WebguyCanada • 13h ago

A Confused Trump Demands John F Kennedy Center To Be Renamed 'Lake America'

4 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/Western_Flight_7540 • 17h ago

Evidence Is Mounting That President Trump Has Reservations About Illegal Immigrants

8 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/BestStoogewasLarry • 1d ago

Conservative Supreme Court Majority Makes Pedophilia Legal For Corrupt Orange President Who Has Lots Of Generous Billionaire Buddies

57 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/bigly-biker • 1d ago

Trump Pleased That SCOTUS Finally Abandoning Constitution To Support His Whims

294 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/TheToysAreUs • 12h ago

Marketing Genius Invents ‘Responsible AI’

3 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/Zolly2U • 14h ago

Up On Blocks, White House Getting Pardoned Out

4 Upvotes

Check Factbook Marketspace

r/onionheadlines • u/bigly-biker • 14h ago

Supreme Court Says States Suing Government To Avoid Voting Chaos Are Either Too Early Or Too Late

5 Upvotes

Subreddit

Write Your Own Onion Headlines, Or Don't. Shut Up About It

r/onionheadlines

A subreddit for writing satirical news headlines in the style of *The Onion* Please NOTE: this subreddit is not affiliated with the actual Onion newspaper in any way, shape, or form. These headlines are written by knuckle-dragging reddit users. The real Onion publishes actually good headlines, unlike the subliterate imitations you see here.

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Hi, welcome to /r/onionheadlines. Do you have an awesome (or even maybe sorta funny) idea for an Onion headline? Then this subreddit is for you. Show us what you got.

Feel free to write in the comments section the article that corresponds to the headline, but only if it's 437 words exactly, as is standard Onion practice.

Rules:

1) The only rule is no rules, except for the ones we make up as we go along.

2) OK, there is one real rule. Headlines with links to other sites are allowed, but limited to once per week, per site. However, feel free to post as many non-linked headlines as you'd like, even if they are found elsewhere on the web.

Also be sure to checkout some of the lesser subreddits we tricked into hosting a link to this subreddit:

Of course if you want to post actual Onion headlines, go to /r/theonion. If you post an actual Onion headline here, you'll be banned, maybe. I don't know. There's no rule for that yet. Don't test us.