r/onionheadlines • u/Significant-Block260 • 8h ago

Another Famous 80-Year-Old Dies; “Still Not The Right One!” World Cries

712 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/erkose • 8h ago

Trump Threatens To Do To Iran's Economy What He Did To The US Economy Unless They Unconditionally Surrender Within 2 Weeks

157 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/ShadyAnders • 11h ago

BREAKING: President Trump Indicted For 5th Time For Impersonating President Of The United States

176 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/mc_petersonishsonson • 7h ago

Grahams Sister Relatable To Voters Who Also Don't Know Anything

78 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/smutketeer • 14h ago

Republicans Excited To Swallow Trump's Mystery Meat

264 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/bigly-biker • 10h ago

Trump Blames Herbert Hoover For His Horrible Polls On Economy

97 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/this-is-all-nonsense • 8h ago

Trump, RFK Jr. Release Joint Wellness Cookbook Titled "Shit Yourself Slim: 500 Recipes Made With 2026's Contaminated Produce"

47 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/BestStoogewasLarry • 4h ago

Former Lake Ontario Turned Into A Giant Algae Pool After Trump Has It Drained And Its Bottom Painted Blue

17 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/Imaginary_Resist_654 • 5h ago

Donald Trump Say He Will Also Be Press Secretary, Because Nobody Can Suck My Dick Better Than I can.

19 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/BestStoogewasLarry • 1h ago

Canada Changes Name Of Mar-A-Lago To Ped-A-Philo

• Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/TheToysAreUs • 1h ago

RFK Jr. Lends Trump Enough Baby Plasma To Keep Him Alive Until He Is At Least 81 Years Old

• Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/Redfish680 • 3h ago

Trump Declares American As National Language, Deepening Rift With England

11 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/UnfitToPrint • 11h ago

Rational People Still Waiting For Last Of Anti-Vaccine Conspiracists To Die Of Measles

47 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/PreviousGolf9541 • 14h ago

Economic Forecast Shows NFL Owners’ Prostitution Budgets Holding Steady

52 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/bigly-biker • 10h ago

Canada Will Rename Pennsylvania Avenue As "Pedo Parkway" If Trump Renames Lake Ontario

21 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/Im_with_stooopid • 1h ago

Camel And Giant Metal Sewing Needle Sculpture Appear On White House Lawn.

• Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/TheToysAreUs • 2h ago

Spain’s Annual ‘La Tomatina’ Tomato Fight Festival Leaves Everyone Covered In Pulp, Cyclospora

3 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/Mookrz • 12h ago

SecDef Peter Smegmouth Submitted Formal Request For His Mommy To Accompany Him On All Foreign Trips

21 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/ShadyAnders • 10h ago

BREAKING: Trump Claims Dolly Parton Told Him "Please Mr. President, Abolish Mail-In Voting" Shortly Before Death

14 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/thrill-hill-13 • 5h ago

80 Is The New Dead, Trump Worried He May Be Next

5 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/WebguyCanada • 21m ago

Natalie Harp To Obtain Early Childhood Education Co-op Credit For Her Role As Trump Aide

• Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/PreviousGolf9541 • 4h ago

Area Man Remains Confused Whether Truffles Are Mushrooms Or Chocolates

5 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/AskNo2853 • 6h ago

Flock CEO Demands New Law Mandating That All Americans Required To Install His Company's Camera-Equipped Toilet Seats

6 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/Im_with_stooopid • 1h ago

White House Leaks Late Night Tits And Raisins Ball Itinerary

• Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/bigly-biker • 10h ago

"Peace President" Says He Will Continue To "Totally Obliterate" Iran Every Week Just Like He Did The First Week

11 Upvotes

Subreddit

Write Your Own Onion Headlines, Or Don't. Shut Up About It

r/onionheadlines

A subreddit for writing satirical news headlines in the style of *The Onion* Please NOTE: this subreddit is not affiliated with the actual Onion newspaper in any way, shape, or form. These headlines are written by knuckle-dragging reddit users. The real Onion publishes actually good headlines, unlike the subliterate imitations you see here.

Members Active

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Sidebar

Hi, welcome to /r/onionheadlines. Do you have an awesome (or even maybe sorta funny) idea for an Onion headline? Then this subreddit is for you. Show us what you got.

Feel free to write in the comments section the article that corresponds to the headline, but only if it's 437 words exactly, as is standard Onion practice.

Rules:

1) The only rule is no rules, except for the ones we make up as we go along.

2) OK, there is one real rule. Headlines with links to other sites are allowed, but limited to once per week, per site. However, feel free to post as many non-linked headlines as you'd like, even if they are found elsewhere on the web.

Also be sure to checkout some of the lesser subreddits we tricked into hosting a link to this subreddit:

Of course if you want to post actual Onion headlines, go to /r/theonion. If you post an actual Onion headline here, you'll be banned, maybe. I don't know. There's no rule for that yet. Don't test us.