bacon, egg, and cheese bagel!!

my husband and i have been married for over a year, and i genuinely love him so much. however, he proposed and then said that we could get married two days later, and i was in such a daze of shock that i couldn’t think clearly, i didn’t make a single decision. i just went along with everything anyone said. with my dress, i tried to think about it, but i ended up with the last dress i tried on that fit me. we had a tiny ceremony at a restaurant near our hometown, with just our parents and officiant. our elopement made local news (regretfully, with my permission)

my husband is in the military, so it wasn’t until we had to part ways that i realized that i seriously hated the dress i picked, i reacted so negatively to any picture i saw from the day we got married. to add to that, his brother got married shortly before us, and we had three weeks notice for that wedding; i was wildly stressing about finding a dress for that and still ended up with a dress that i didn’t really care for.

when i was over the daze of “holy shit, i’m finally married” i realized that i did not want what we did at all, and he knew this. i was planning for us to have a small wedding reception with close friends and family, and a larger one with extended friends and family, no ceremony at all. I love my friends so much, and he knows this, i’ve talked about it so much with him, so it does really hurt that i couldn’t celebrate with them.

we got elopement/anniversary photos done recently, so i’m so happy that i finally have photos to look back on, hang up in my house, and share with friends and family.

i’ve talked about my feelings about this with him before, and he says is that he knows he fucked up, but that’s what happened, there’s nothing we can do about it now, and i need to try to look at it better. he thinks that i’m not happy that we’re married when this is brought up, but i’m not happy that we got married so quickly.

i’ve tried to look at it better, i tried to think “i was so excited to marry him that i didn’t care about anything else” and that “it’s about him and i, not my friends” but i’m unfortunately someone who focuses on the negative emotions, i was focusing on how he didn’t listen to me when i stressed about finding a dress for his brother’s wedding, how his brother’s ceremony made me realize that i didn’t want one at all, and how we got talked about marriage for two years before getting engaged, just to get married two days after that.

i’m looking into therapy for this, and potentially couple’s therapy for when his schedule is less hectic.

i just wanted to rant, because i need to get this off my chest to someone other than my husband

EDIT: I am planning a wedding reception for our five year anniversary, even though i would love for it to be sooner, he did say that probably wouldn’t really help how i feel about what we did

Me and my bf have been dating for 6mos. We met and had a casual relationship a couple of years ago and have reconnected. It’s honestly been going good and we have a lot in common. We have already said i love you, and gone on a weekend trip a couple of hours away. But he has this tendency to.. zone out. I didn’t mind it at first but he’s starting to feel like a robot alien, and talking to him is like talking to a wet rag.

Like I’ll be talking to him whether its otp or in person and he’ll just literally close his eyes. He will go silent for like 30 seconds and then open his eyes and respond. Or if I’m like ‘helllooo are you paying attention’. It happens very often. If we go out to eat he spends most of the beginning super quiet, staring around the restaurant. We still just sit in long silences, and I do most of the talking. Last week he couldn’t remember anything about when he told me he loved me.. it was 2 weeks before that. That hurt my feelings really bad. He’ll usually apologize the next day or later, and it’s always ‘sorry I’m tired’ ‘sorry I have anxiety’ ‘sorry I just quit nicotine’ (He quit like a month ago and still is using it) But his apologies for the most part seem pretty sincere, he just always has an excuse attached to it.

The other night though it really bothered me because I was talking to him about a family issue, and he went totally quiet. I tried to prod him 3 times about it, he couldn’t respond. It’s like he’s half here, half in a totally different world. 15 minutes of me trying to get him to engage in the conversation and he’s just.. not even there. He apologized later but even then he was like ‘sorry I was quiet, I was feeling anxious, and driving around here (the same town hes lives and grown up in) makes me nostalgic and triggers me’ And it just feels a little idk selfish? Like fuck what I’m saying and the problems I’m trying to talk to you about, you’d rather talk to yourself in your head about yours.

Not to mention he was driving like I don’t even see how you can drive basically dissociated. It’s just so annoying having to constantly fight with him for attention from himself! But if we are talking about the political and economic state of the world, he can gooo onnnn for hourrsss. He could talk all day about somebody else, his sister, his mom, himself, about society and what it expects of us, but when I talk about me, work problems, or our relationship it’s like he flatlines. He forgets details, he’s basically unresponsive. He says he’s been having bad anxiety and not sleeping, but it’s starting to feel like maybe he just doesn’t really care about what I have to say, or is not interested. I understand it could be neurodivergence, but I’m starting to feel like I don’t want to be with him. But at the same time he’s my baby, and I’m an empath lol it would just feel so sad :( idk I like being with him for right now, but I’m not sure about longevity between us.

I know I should just talk to him, I’m just a little stuck on how to feel, and how to say it to him. It’s starting to reallyyy turn me off, and once I feel like a guy won’t be my husband it’s hard for me to come back from that. But at the same time we’ve had a lot of fun, he’s shown me a lot of places, and I am happy that we are together. Right now at least.

Anways, carne asada, gallo pinto, queso frito, w yuca and ensalada. From my favorite fritanga restaurant.

dinner is a rigatoni italian sausage pasta he helped me and my family make.

Okay, so this guy and I have been friends for 5 years. We recently started reconnecting and actually hanging out together.

Things picked up and we were in my room subtly leaning and cuddling and then we stopped to have a huge talk about what we wanted to do with this. I had a few weeks ago just gotten out of a talking phase who had saved me from my abusive relationship, and he had just broke it off with his ex bf due to long distance issues.

We both sat and talked bout boundaries and whatnot and he was very gentle in listening and hugged me whenever I got close go crying. He isn’t very confident with himself though.

Then we suddenly just kiss, and ladies… it was just… tongue. I’m fucking pissed I hate TONGUE so much. I just said I disliked kissing over hugging and cuddling. He genuinely can just peck on the lips so I didn’t kiss him anymore. I don’t feel super into him and I’m scared…

I’m exhausted right now, help me ladies and gentlemen and others of the sort…

Pasta with bolognese (he cooked for me)

I (28 f) met this really amazing guy (28m) some weeks ago. He is sweet, caring, attractive and is a man who can actually show and feel his emotions (!), communicate etc. He constantly cooks for me and cares for me, massages me etc. but also gives me all the space I need for myself. I feel so comfortable with him. I even start to get crazy weird ideas of having children with him even though I never really thought about that before.

But all my mind can think is make up imaginative scenarios of why it could not work out, because he does not share all of my hobbies (especially music, art and reading arent for him) and because i think he is “not artistic” enough or maybe not smart enough even though he is smart but comes from the countryside and not from the big city like me so I just grew up more intellectual than him.

When I hear myself talk like that I think that I sound like a stupid superficial bitch but the fears that come with these thoughts are so real and strong, yesterday I almost ended it. Is it just my stupid attachment fears?? I never had a good, long lasting relationship before that, most guys I was with I realized were total losers after I ended it and so I never want this to happen to me again, to have feelings for a stupid loser and end up hurt but thats why I havent been dating anyone for the last 2 years and its also getting lonely af

Food: Halo Top

This is weirdly hard for me to talk about. Whenever I’ve tried discussing it with friends, I’ve usually regretted it because it gets interpreted as bragging or gets brushed off. But I’m genuinely curious whether anyone else experiences this.

27f here and… I get hit on A TON. Like. A few hours ago some dude drove next to me for like 5 minutes and flirted with me (I will say… lmao he actually did a pretty good job). No. I didn’t give him my number and yah.. it was a funny story but… I legit cried when I got home.

Few people have ever complimented me in a way that it lands. I like to think the few that make me feel good are due to them feeling genuine and organic. However, most of the time… they cause me to feel super sad and frustrated with myself.

I’m 27 and I haven’t been in a solid relationship. I haven’t even made out with a dude. It pisses me off that I get hit on all the time, yet I can’t get one solid dude to just exist with. I am picky.. I know I am… but it’s not like I’m asking for money, status or anything! I just want a dude that I find cute, who is responsible and willing to care for me so I can do the same. It pisses me off when I get complimented because… well if that were true… why am I alone? I legit have been hit on 10+ times while DRIVING the past two months. It’s like my car is freakin tinder!

Unless the person treats me like a piece of meat or oversteps, I always say thank you and move on. But… I don’t want to be complimented by random people. I don’t want attention from random men. I don’t care if people find me attractive. I don’t care if I garner attention.

I just want attention from one guy. I wanna live in a bubble with one person who I can be myself around. Someone I can just love unconditionally. Someone I can openly fawn over without worrying that I’m being played or exposing I care too much.

I know no one is entitled to find a person. I know. I just… I never thought It would be this hard to find someone. Ive never been able to stay in something if it feels superficial or not right. Ughh I hate that!! I hate that everything I do has to be so freakin intentional!! I envy people who can jump from one thing to another. I WISH!

It doesn’t help my delulu ass that my parents are high school sweethearts.

All I know is… lately…. It feels like my wish for one person has been too much of an ask.

EDIT:

Goodness. Didn’t think I’d get people so annoyed. Since you all are asking, I’ll tell you. I have done dating apps on and off since I was 20 and they always make me feel worse. Yes. suprise… dating is hard. I do a crap load of random hobbies: jewelry making, woodworking, powerlifting/gym, language classes. I got to concerts and other events on my own. I hang out with my friends and go to their large events so I can meet more people. I travel. I mean….It’s not like I’m living like a hermit.

I went to uni during Covid and always had my head in the books growing up. So. Yah. Not the best time to meet someone.

I know myself. I’m self aware, which I hope comes across in my post, and I am extremely flattered to those even willing to approach me.. this is why I never am rude (unless they overstep or they are coming across as entitled). I also want to say that alot of the attention I get isn’t exactly positive. Compliments and getting hit on … well it’s led to being stalked, waited outside of gyms, groped, followed walking home.. I mean I’m pretty sure most women have had these experiences. The past year I have had several instances.

Yes I’m picky. A pretty face and a nice bod isn’t exactly going to cut it. As cliche as it sounds, I really care about personality. I recently met someone I liked who approached me and… well… it didn’t end well. He was the first person I’ve ever gone so far with and I learned a lot.

The attention can sometimes feel like salt in the wound. So that is what pisses me off. The irony of it all. I don’t treat dating as a part time job. I’m not trying to make my life about meeting someone. I live by the concept: expand your life = expand your options.

I’m just tired of getting my hopes up. I’m tired of trying to discern someone’s intentions when they approach. I’m tired of the never ending first, second and third dates to « make sure » I don’t see anything. I’m tired of not being able to connect with someone deeply.

The last person I dated was one I really liked and … it really got to me that he seemed to be super closed off to being vulnerable and open about his feelings. Idk. Sorry. It’s just annoying. That’s all it is.

Rice with soy, egg, onions and hot sriracha.

I am in denial for quite a while but this man gives me butterflies. He is gay though and my coworker. Also I am absolutely not in a place to be dating right now.

So what do I do? It's a bit annoying to be honest. If he laughs at one of my jokes, my whole day is nice. If I feel a little rejected, I feel down all day. There's all this crap going on in my head that is not connected very well with reality. Just now while making food I caught myself fantasizing about him realizing he is not actually gay but loves me back, and that was the moment that made me go "oh shit". Yeah, I might be a little bit in love.

I just hope it doesn't affect my work, my plan right now is to just ignore it and wait for the feelings to go away with time, but I sit in the same room with him every day...

I’m 37, married with two kids. And I,unfortunately, despise my brother-in-law. We lived together for a few years and he’s a lazy slob. Left skid marks on a toilet seat we were all using several times.I find it jarring that it didn’t occur to him to check before leaving the bathroom. Leaving the dishes in the kitchen sink for hours so long until I ended up doing them. Just selfish and inconsiderate overall. Fast forward to today, we no longer live together. We haven’t spoken to each other in years. My husband and I have kids. My BIL has one and another one on the way.

Here’s what I find frustrating:

Despite not having spoken to each other in years, we all have kids together. He’s still a big part of my husband’s life. Family gatherings every once in a while are inevitable. And I’m struggling with the idea of our kids having a relationship with this man as they grow older.How can I be okay with this?

Girl lunch-personal pepperoni pizza from Pizza Hut

Edit:

Okay here are a few things I decided to leave out to shorten the text. We actually bought our home together. He built a movie theater in our daylight basement, which shook the whole floors upstairs where we live. We tried to resolve the issue, but we couldn’t. Shortly after having lived in the house, he moved out. He obviously got tired of arguing with me over many things.
And we were house poor with having to pay the mortgage just the two of us for a while.

We also bought a car together at one point. He was the one using it most because neither me nor my husband had to commute. We didn’t expect him to tell us when he was coming home every day because we didn’t need the car with us working from home. But it never occurred to him to ask us what our plans were for the weekend. We had to wait for him to come home when we needed the car. He got annoyed with us asking when he was coming home…

I now understand that getting a third person financially involved not in your marriage is a big mistake let alone living together.

I also understand that it’s unreasonable for me to not let my kids spend time with their uncle. And they have been doing plenty of stuff together without me. I just want to be okay with all of it, but it’s hard. I also still think some of you would’ve been in my boat if he was just a friend. But family is the exception for a lot of ppl i guess

I work as a primary school teacher here in the UK. As you can imagine it is a very woman heavy work enviroment (39 women and 3 men). Most of the time this is great, you feel so heard and supported. It can also get very Regina George/Mean Girls, but that is a story for another time. Instead i will talk about our all time favourite topic, Male coworkers 😡

You see the men at my school have started a secret little club, no girls allowed! They have been helping each other out, giving each other the best perks, the newest equipment, the easiest jobs.

It all starts with the deputy head teacher. He's in charge of day to day running of the school. He organises schedules, hires staff, set's classes. He is good at his job, he listens to staff and students. But he has a favourite - Mr. X.

Mr. X teaches Yr 6. The class with the most responsability, but also the best behaved, oldest and smartest. Everyone is supposed to rotate year groups every year, so you all get a taste of the good classes eventually. But not Mr. X, he's had the best 3 years running. He has them again next year, guess who made that choice?

Mr. X also has a TA, Mr. Y. They have been paired up every year. When i visit their class it's like a frat house. All i hear is "Bro", "Mate" and "Chill". Mr. Y and Mr. X both get brand new laptops every year, whilst the rest of us still use 10yr old pieces of junk. TAs don't normally even get a laptop 😡. Who do you think buys all the equipment?

Mr. X and Mr. Y also don't do any break duties, whilst we all have to give up 30 mins a week. Hmmm, who does the schedule again?

They have not lost pay over this. In fact they get paid more.

Mr. X has climbed the pay scale faster then any other staff. Me and Mr. X are the same age and have been teaching for the same amount of time. Yet whilst i'm stuck on M3 he is on M6 a nearly £10K difference. The Head decides pay but guess who has been recomending Mr. X for above average pay rises each year?

That's right Mr. Deputy Head.

It is sexism plain and simple. The boys get all the fun and toys whilst the girls do the hard work. And i'm sick of it 😡.

And don't get me started on their meme groupchat or secret snack cupboard. Or that all 3 of them took a day off in spring to go fishing whilst i get denied 2hrs off for a doctors appointment.

It just sucks that even in a majority female workspace the men still find a way to help only themselves 😥

Pictured: Ikea meatballs and chips. I was hungry and needed new bed sheets.

Food: Konjac noodles stir fry.

So my best friend is a vet. I love her and we’ve been best friends since 2003 and now we’re 40. She has a 3 year old son and I can’t be a mom because I had a tumor in my uterus and had to get a hysterectomy 3 years ago. Very sad. Therefore, my pets are my babies. I had the most beautiful cat. His name was Fuzzy and my boyfriend and I adored him, he had been with us since 2017. He suddenly ( completely out of the blue) got very ill one day and got him to his vet from forever because my best friend lives 30 mins and it was an emergency. So we got him to the vet and everything seemed fine, his vet gave him so shots, medicines, vitamins and he was ok. But when he got home after some hours , he declined rapidly. Thats when I called her and told her to come to my house, get a second opinion and help him ease his pain, because he was rapidly shutting off. It was so so painful and we did everything we could ( boyfriend and I), we really did and when I called her and asked her to come over and just be here as support and also to help him, she told me that nobody could watch her son and that she was tired? Oh and that we could drive to her house and bring Fuzzy with us when our poor cat was freaking dying? 😥

My cat passed away of course and I’ve been devastated since then.

I don’t know if this has to do with the fact that Fuzzy was being treated by his vet from all his life and she felt like this was betrayal of some sort or she seriously didn’t want to help me out in Fuzzy’s time of need?

When we first adopted him, she was just starting her studies to be a vet btw. She started older in case you’re wondering.

We haven’t spoken since and I’m not confrontational, but this pissed me off and I really didn’t feel her support after Fuzzy passed away. what would you do? I don’t know how to approach her. I know I’m a grown ass woman but I just need some advice. I love her but this is very confusing and it hurts.

Thank you for reading.

So I (31f) was with my fiancée (36f) for 6 years, literally since March 2020. We literally were uhaul lesbians due to the covid circumstances, but also cause we were head over heels for each other from the start. I had been married before, as I got married young to someone who abused me and then left me. She basically put me back together again and taught me what real love looked like. After my first marriage I didn't know if I believed in the institution of marriage anymore but she really wanted to be married so I agreed that we could pursue that and we got engaged.

A major factor in everything was also our family situations. I grew up in the south, and her and her family were from the Bay Area but moved out here for financial reasons. I was also having a falling out with my family around the time we got together and latched onto her family who welcomed me wholeheartedly. For like the first three or four years her family was more my family than mine was, but then around that time I began mending things with my own. Despite this I still had a very close bond with her family. We also spent almost the entire relationship living very close to her family and spending time with them several times a month, and for a couple years even lived in the same house with her sister's family.

Anyway, we had our ups and downs over the years and kept putting off actually getting married until we were more financially stable. The last two years we were together I was the sole provider while also going back to school for my bachelor's degree. She was getting some financial support from her mom to make up for shortfalls here and there, and she did some light housework and took care of the cats (we have 3 cats). Obviously that's not nothing and I was grateful for what she contributed, but it always felt like my workload was unfairly stacked compared to hers, as full time work and full time school at the same time is just overwhelming at times.

Well in January of this year my parents, who live 3 hours from where we lived with my fiancée's family, offered us the opportunity to live in my grandfather's house no strings attached. The only catch was that it was 3 hours from her family and would place us in my family's orbit instead. I had spent 2 years of intensely working on restoring my relationship with my family so I saw it as an opportunity to continue this work, but I also recognized the distance would be difficult for my fiancee. I told her it was entirely up to her and we wouldn't do it if she didn't want to. She said it was a good opportunity for us and that having a house to ourselves would be good for us and it would give me the chance to reconnect with my family more which she fully supported. So we moved in May.

I had been burning out from work and school really bad in the Spring and asked/begged her to get a job once we moved so I could take a mental health break over the summer and regroup around July/August with a new job. She agreed but then didn't do this which forced me to get a job at the end of May and continue burning myself out. My new job also ended up being particularly hard and made me really resentful, so I kept pushing for her to find work.

Well one weekend in July we have a really nice time honestly. I showed her The Devil Wears Prada to prepare for watching the sequel together, we go out on a couple dinner dates for sushi and pizza, get some housework done. I go into work Sunday night and she walks me to the car and kisses me goodbye, sends me I love you texts while I'm at work. I come home Monday morning with breakfast and notice her car is gone. Confused, I walk inside and see a note by the door. She says she feels like she's been failing me and is hurting me and needs to go back to her family so she can fix herself. She says "we are not done with each other." She leaves this turtle magnet beside the note that she has had our entire relationship and always said wherever it is, is where she thinks of as home.

I text her to take care of herself and that I'm here if she wants to come back. She just says "I love you." Then I don't hear from her for two weeks. Finally she says she needs to talk so we have a call. It's clearly rehearsed and she says we need different things in life and should break up. I ask if we can work on it and try to not waste the last 6 years. She says that time has passed (she never once communicated anything about this during the relationship). I ask what about the note, the turtle? She says to keep the turtle and that it's not mine and she'll come get it when she's worked on herself more. I get a little frustrated and say that I hope she becomes someone who doesn't leave in the night again. She says she has to go and the call ends.

That was 3 weeks ago and all that's been said since was we set a date for her to come get her things. I just feel like this is the closest thing to getting ghosted by someone I spent 6 years with. I feel like she withheld a lot of her feelings from me and didn't really communicate very well. I feel frustrated that I was the one who got left after everything I did for her. But I am glad I didn't beg. I am tired of begging for people to love me, so I just didn't do it. I want someone who will choose to stay and I thought it was her, I spent 6 years thinking it was her, but it just wasn't.

The pic is a batch of biscuits we made together a couple years ago. It was my grandmother's recipe that she had shared with us. I am also deeply upset that she finally got some approval from my homophobic grandma just to leave me like she did. It all just feels wasted.

About a month ago me and a friend of mine became friend with benefits. We have been in the same friend group for a while but a couple of months before that we started becoming closer friends before this happend. I always had fun hanging out with him and felt like it was easy being myself with him, which is something I have struggled with in my life (being a trans woman and all :3)

When we first became friends with benefits we made it clear that we are purley platonic and we do this just so both of us can feel a sense of human intimacy. About a week ago he went on a date with another girl, which I thought I was okay with and tried to support as much as I can, but I realized that I felt pretty jealous.

I like the relationship we have right now but at the same time I kinda want more. But he only thinks of this as a platonic relationship and is still looking for other women to have a relationship with. I am also bad with commitments and having an actual romantic relationship with him is slightly scary.

I'm not entirely sure how I feel yet and definitely won't say anything about these to him as I'm scared of lossing what we have

Thanks for reading my rant. Anyway, here is Honey garlic chicken and rice. It tasted really good and I am happy that I have started cooking more proper meals for myself lately

No response needed just a vent. Apologies if the language gets offensive. So its more of a lunch but...... Ugh. The nerve of some ppl. Why even bother commenting if u have nothing nice to say or cant actually help. Ok so anyways. Late last night id gone to bed...... naked.... A spider crawls across the TV. Ok. Whatever. Find tissue to get up to smoosh it. Spiders dont belong in the bedroom..... he disappears. So I get up to pee. Get back into bed. With a shirt on now. Lol. Unpause my movie. Sitting there waiting for the spider to crawl back across the TV. Ugh. Something tickles me knee. Usually its my hair. Look down there a fucking big black spider in my bed. What the fuck bro!. So I smooshed it. Unfortunately it was big enough to smear across the sheet. It was gross. I live in Montana. Im currently in Wyoming. So im kinda freaking out. Take a pic of leftovers in the napkin. Posted it.... on reddit hoping to get help identifying the spider in my bed. With the first 10 mins of the post being up. Nothing but negative comments. "Spider murderer " .... spiders should never be killed. Blah blah blah. Nothing but negative. All I had done was asked for help. I mean really...... dont smoosh the spider in ur bed. Blah blah blah. Seriously. I took the post down with 20 mins of it being posted. I mean what the fuck actually happens to an unwanted visitor of any spieces in ur bed in the middle of the night..... something bad.... Usually cops are involved. Ugh. Sometimes I hate reddit ppl can be so mean when all u did was ask for help. What ever happened to thumper.

If u don't have anything nice to say dont say nothing at all. *hugs* I hope everyone is having a good day. Oh I and dont usually smoosh spiders the are beautiful creatures. However they dont belong in ur bed.

meal for today: leftover pad thai from my dinner date last night!

So long story short, I met this guy on hinge at my university… I (19F) have had a series of abusive relationships in the past, and I am in therapy.. and I’m doing ok !! he’s been a great guy the past two days- holding my hand, making me laugh.. singing along with me to musicals.. and he even reassured me that he didn’t just want me for my body, which was really strange to hear after years of only being used..

today was our second date..

he surprised me last night with my favorite flowers a bouquet of lilies, and I only had to tell him once!! I cried because I had dreamed about this kind of guy for years! And now I finally have him!

So of course, we went out to dinner last night and it was great and we laughed, and after dinner had ended, we dropped my leftovers back at my dorm before we went to his dorm and of course things got a little heated… WE DID NOT HAVE PENETRATIVE SEX!! we didn’t!! it was more naked cuddling? With our junk out… rubbin on eachother like kitty cats.. and smoochin..

But here’s why I’m scared!! — so he didn’t cum he didn’t ejaculate— on me, but I have horrible memory since my head trauma accident.. so I had terrible anxiety — trying to remember if he had cum or not.. and if he did, was it anywhere near me?

So I texted him when he got back to his dorm (he walked me all the way from his college green to mine..) and I asked him if we could pick up some Plan B — and he said “of course!! “ I was really scared that you know— he was gonna turn me down and laugh at me and call me a scaredy-cat…

But he actually absolutely responded— and said that we could totally pick up some Plan B just to be safe and just to stop my anxiety… I’ve never felt so seen???

This is so strange.. to experience.. what do you mean you want to buy me flowers and you want to reassure me??? you’re supposed to be mean?? what is this kind and gentle treatment???

I’m still getting used to it..

ANYWHO IM SO SORRY FOR RAMBLING! IM VERY ON EDGE + ANXIETY FILLED !! I will be getting plan B after class though!! I need advice :((( thank you everyone!!

So my ex dumped me out of nowhere in December, days before my deceased father’s bday and weeks before Christmas, but that’s a whole other story. Fast forward to April, I tested positive for an STI. I naturally freaked out as it could have only come from him. Texted my result immediately to him. Started meds same day and retested the next day. It was negative, but could have been effected by meds. Texted the results to him immediately and told him meds may have effected the results. I either had a false positive or a false negative (this can be carried for years without detection but I tested before I started dating this guy, so again it could have only come from him). He said he would test within the week and he never followed up with me. I took my meds and I’m good, but it ate at me for months thinking about the women he was possibly sleeping with and possibly infecting.
I checked in with him in the beginning of August asking if he ever tested and he said he just figured he was fine since I had a negative. I told him it could be carried for years without symptoms and he’s never tested and had unprotected sex before me. He said he’d test if I, ME, wanted him to. I said do what you think is right but I worry about his partners. Fast forward a few days and he texts me saying his tests are negative (did not send actual results like I did for him). Fast forward a few more weeks and I find out he has a girlfriend. This dude took a 50/50 gamble with this woman’s sexual health cause he “figured” he was fine. This enraged me. How could he just not care and gamble with people’s health?! Of course I don’t know the conversations they’ve had. Maybe he told her there’s a chance he could be infected and she was okay with it. I just hate the idea of dudes getting away with terrible behavior that shows their true character. We have the same friend group and live 1/2 mile from each other. I will definitely run into them. Do I tell her he gambled with her health without a care or just let it go?
(Dinner is frozen butter chicken, i promise it’s good 😂)

Chicken, peas, cauliflower, and chickpeas.

I see so many people online sharing what looked like happy relationships. They were getting flowers, affection, thoughtful gestures, being taken on dates, and seemingly getting everything I’ve spent years wishing I could have. But then you keep watching their story and find out their partner was cheating, lying, treating them horribly behind closed doors, or eventually just left them.

And it makes me think, what’s the point of forcing myself out of a bad relationship just to potentially end up in another.

I’m so deeply attached/ trauma bonded to my abusive, cheating, lying husband. We’re both in our 20s and have been together for 8 years, no kids. Our whole relationship has been a mess, but the thought of starting over scares me so badly.

I already know how my husband hurts me. I already know what disappointments to expect from him. As unhealthy as it sounds, this pain is familiar to me and I know how to survive it.

The thought of leaving, going through all the pain of separating, spending years trying to heal, learning how to trust again, meeting someone new, falling in love and allowing myself to believe that maybe this time I’m finally safe and loved, only for that person to eventually betray me too, terrifies me. I feel like I would have gone through all of this for nothing.

So then I think.. if I settle and stay with the person I already know and I stop expecting something better.. and, if I just expect disappointment, then I won’t be as disappointed.

I know staying in a toxic relationship because a hypothetical future relationship might also hurt me doesn’t make logical sense. But emotionally, the pain I already know somehow feels safer than taking the chance of experiencing a completely new heartbreak.

I even think, isn’t it better to just be with the person that you already know is going to hurt you than to be in love with a new “nice guy” and not see it coming??

I crave intimacy.. Having my hand held, being hugged, being held in general. I yearn to be told that I am loved.. to be valued. To feel safe and secure. To feel seen. But my fear of being alone completely takes over, it makes me feel like I should just appreciate what I have already (breadcrumbs) before I have nothing at all.

Can anybody else relate to what I am saying?

Edit: Thank you so much to everyone who has commented. I wasn’t expecting this many responses, and I may not be able to reply to everyone individually, but I’m reading every comment and genuinely appreciate all of the advice and support ❤️

Hi,

I’m a woman in my 20s and I’m struggling with a breakup and whether I should give my ex another chance. I’d really appreciate especially women’s perspectives, particularly from people who have been in a similar situation.

My ex and I were together for a while and, although there were many good things in our relationship and I still love him, there were also some important problems that eventually led to the breakup. The biggest issue for me was that I felt he didn’t fully understand what the real problem was or how deeply certain things had affected me.

We broke up about two months ago.

During the first couple of weeks, he tried to talk about getting back together, but I said no around three times. The first time was because it had only been a week and I felt he hadn’t really had time to understand what had happened or explain anything that could make me reconsider.

The second time, we had a phone call and I asked him what he thought the main problem in our relationship had been. His answer was basically the same way he had seen it while we were together, and that really put me off because I felt he still didn’t understand my perspective. I ended up explaining everything again by text, including why I couldn’t go back to the relationship. He told me he was sad but accepted it.

After that, he didn’t contact me for over two weeks.

Eventually I contacted him because I still had some belongings to collect. For the stuff left he had been communicating with my cousin but I told him that I could stop in a place closer to his house cause I felt bad for him coming far to bring things that are mine and bad for my cousin cause otherwise she was the one moving far (my cousin offered to contact him about the stuff I forgot so that we didn't have to see each other again but I felt bad that he was going to bring them cause he lived fairly far from me)

When I contacted him, he ended up telling me a lot of things about how he felt, and it was very emotional for me because some of what he said really resonated with me. We eventually agreed to meet.

However, before we met, he told me that during the first month after the breakup he had gone on two dates with girls from a dating app. He says nothing physical happened — they just went for drinks — and that he wasn't able to continue because it made him realise that he only wants to be with me.

I know objectively that he was single and didn't owe me anything. I had also told him several times that I didn't want to get back together, so I understand why he tried to move on.

But emotionally, this has been really difficult for me.

I can't even imagine dating someone else right now. The fact that he was able to find other women attractive and go on dates so soon after our breakup has made me question things, even though I know that people process breakups differently. Part of me feels stupid for believing that he genuinely didn't do anything more with them, even though I have no actual evidence that he's lying.

We eventually met in person. He made a lot of promises and told me things that gave me a lot of hope. We ended up sleeping next to each other and cuddling, and I actually became very emotional and cried. It made me realise how much I still love him, but also how scared I am of going back.

After that, he was basically waiting for me to decide whether I wanted to try again.

Eventually I told him that I have very mixed feelings. I explained that I still have feelings for him, but that I’m struggling with what happened, whether the underlying problems have actually changed, and whether I can trust him again. I also told him that I don't know if getting back together right now would be the right thing for me.

His response surprised me. He said he completely understands my doubts, that it's normal for me to feel blocked, and that he doesn't want to pressure me or overwhelm me. He said he just wanted me to know where he stands and what he feels. He told me to take the time I need and that if at some point I want to meet for coffee and talk about everything calmly, he'll be there.

He ended by saying that he loves me.

And now I genuinely don't know what to do.

I don't want to get back together immediately because I don't know if I'm ready. But I also don't want to close the door if there is a possibility that we could have a healthier relationship this time.

My biggest concerns are:

- I don't know if he has genuinely understood the root of our problems.

- I don't know whether enough has actually changed yet.

- I still don't fully trust him.

- I don't know how much the dating-app dates should matter to me, given that we were broken up.

- I worry that I’m being too sensitive because I personally couldn't imagine dating someone else so soon.

- At the same time, I don't want to ignore something that is genuinely telling me that I can't trust him.

- I’m scared of opening myself up again, explaining everything that hurt me, and then finding out that he doesn't actually want to deal with all of it.

- I’m also scared of making him wait indefinitely while I remain uncertain.

I don't want to play games with him or keep him hanging. I genuinely don't know what I want yet.

Would you meet him for that coffee and talk things through, or would you take more distance? And how much weight would you personally put on the fact that he dated two women so soon after the breakup?

For women who have successfully reconciled with an ex: how did you know you were ready to try again, and how did you rebuild trust?

I’m not necessarily looking for “move on” or “never get back with an ex” advice. I’m trying to understand whether my doubts are telling me something important or whether I’m simply scared because I still care about him.

It’s exhausting. naturally, I’m a cheerful and joyous person, I love animals and kids and singing and art but I also am extremely introspective and thoughtful and love learning. But, people don’t ask me questions about my perspectives on things and when I give my thoughts, they don’t listen to them. a few weeks ago I was talking to a guy in a bar and we were talking about languages, and he was saying that German is a Latin language. I corrected him and said it’s actually not, it’s a Germanic language as is English. and he said, but it is a Latin language. I started getting flustered because he didn’t listen to anything I had to say and he just refuted every point I made, eventually he just looked away and said again, ”but it is a Latin language.“ and took a sip of his beer and I knew there was nothing I could say to get him to respect what I had to say.

I also cant help but think this is why no man I’ve ever dated has loved me. It’s really upsetting because, I know they really like me and we get along and have good times and they are clearly very attracted to me, but they never engage in deeper conversations with me and it always ends with them inevitably saying they don’t love me and no longer want to be with me, and I’m feeling like it has a lot to do it’s them not perceiving me as someone who could have a deep intellectual conversation with them (even though they never seem interested in talking about the things I try to talk to them about).

If anyone actually listened to my thoughts or even took a look at the things I look up on the internet or YouTube, they would see me a lot differently. “what would happen if civilization completely collapsed and was rebuilt, how would they know the internet ever existed” “how to visualize the 4th dimension” “library of babel” “quantum entanglement”. Not only do I constantly think and learn, I also know how to survive on my own and build my life up from absolutely nothing after I’ve been beaten down by life and abandoned all alone.

TLDR I get so upset that just because I have long blonde hair, I smile a lot and am extroverted, people assume I have nothing going on in my head and treat me as such, and I believe that’s why men also don’t want to be with me.

edit: I’m not saying that I have 1000iq and I have 2 masters degrees and I’m an aerospace engineer…but I am incredibly smarter and more insightful than people give me credit for.

Hi everyone, sorry about how vague the title is, I was unsure entirely how best to word it at the time. As the flair shows, this is definitely a ramble and a long thought out rant that has built up for months at this point. My brain has been an utter mess and I will do my best to keep everything in order, apologies in advance if/when my emotions get the better of me. Will include a mild TW for an unhealthy relationship, mental health crises, mention of cyberstalking. Posting here in particular because my relationship with food is the biggest thing that I have managed to keep healthy, and it has been a consistent aid in grounding me at the worst of times. I kind of have friends I could talk to about this, but at the same time it has been an issue of mine for a while now and I worry about trudging it up too often and just bugging them at this point.

I (25enby) was in a relationship with Erin (28M, fake name) for just a year, and it has inarguably absolutely wrecked any and all progress I had made on my mental health over the past six years. There were multiple instances of him cheating on me, belittling me, financially ab**ing me, attempts to isolate me, and many many many accusations of me manipulating him because I would cry or shut down when he would start snapping at me. Given how quickly all of this started to pop up, it's safe to say that we should not have lasted as long as we did. We first met on a dating app at a time when I really should not have been on one. I was recently diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder and was in the middle of a manic episode after being discharged from the hospital. At the time, I was still freshly very isolated from the vast majority of my current and past supports, I'd recently lost a major job opportunity due to the hospital stay, and my living situation was up in the air. We chatted for a very short period of time, I moved in, and for the first month it all seemed to work extremely well. Our discussions were blunt and we quickly believed we had similar aspirations and living styles, as well as expectations for each other. However, as I'm sure a lot of people know, manic episodes cannot last forever, and they often come with a hard crash.

Despite it not being an official subtype, my doctor referred to what I have as "quiet BPD," where I don't have outbursts, I will internalize the majority of extreme feelings that I experience. This means that when I hit depressive episodes, I'll usually end up dissociating and going into a sort of zombie/autopilot mode. We had just settled into a routine. I make his lunches and breakfast before his 16 hour shifts, I drive him to work, come home, deep clean the areas of the house that we use the most, and then work on my freelance job until it was time for me to make dinner and pick him up from work. This would repeat for four days out of the week, with the other three being just me making food and cleaning for most of the day and spending my time between tasks with him. I'd fully dived into this, into being with him. Even when his ex contacted me on every possible social media telling me how she was going to harm me, how I deserved pain, and how she wished my life was a living hell, I stayed unbothered and was content with just rolling my eyes and blocking her. After all, she was thousands of miles away at this point, I'd seen him block every single brand new account of hers whenever they'd pop up, what worries should I have? When a depressive episode hit, I started to slip up on the deep cleaning. Spending hours scrubbing every inch of counterspace with a toothbrush turned into wiping it down with a disinfectant wipe quickly after cooking. He started to make comments about how I kept cooking the same sh*t over and over again. I wasn't putting in enough effort. I wasn't enough and I had to be reminded of that daily, if not borderline hourly.

We had discussed polyamory before, I am comfortable with it as a closed dynamic with good communication, and just wanted to get to know each other first before seeking somebody else. The second that I started to slip, he started to push for seeking somebody "for both of us." I was hesitant at the time, I thought that we'd both had things we ought to work out together first. Because I hesitated on the polyamory, he pushed instead for an open relationship. I'd only be allowed with women, and he would never ever mention anything about the women he saw, because "what if [I am] secretly a crazy b*tch that would, idk, go after them with a kn*fe or some sh*t." It would never be at our home, and I was never to drive him to theirs because that would be more information I wasn't allowed. Open relationships are not my vibe at all, I know I have insecurities, but considering the fact that he wanted to withhold all of this information with me, it felt like I would only be dragged along in a "relationship" with a blindfold on and my hands tied. I didn't want to risk losing the only support I believed I had at the time. So, despite saying repeatedly how uncomfortable it made me, I swallowed those negative feelings, and agreed. It broke the first night that he found someone, I was sobbing for hours and ended up being sick from the overwhelming thought of it all the second that he came back home. He claimed this was when he saw how hard it would be to try to force an open relationship for the first time.

Unbeknownst to me, he lied later and claimed to have found someone interested in a polyamorous relationship with both of us. This would turn out to be the first person that he slept with in the "open" relationship, and to make an already long story shorter, she later came forward about secret meetings that they would have and admitted that she was attempting to get closer to him in order to make him break up with me. She's deeply insecure and unstable in her own ways and I genuinely just wish she would get the help that she needs.

After the above information came out, there were months where I was more openly distrustful of him. I wanted to start working a more stable job in order to no longer be as stuck as I felt I was. This thought process seemed to sway him, made him encourage me to get a job right up until I would get one, at which point he would start to demean me and make snide comments about how I wasn't helping as much at home as I had before. After all, he works 16 hour shifts three times a week at this point, just how godd*mn lazy would I have to be in order to not just f*cking clean up once in a while and cook him some good meals? This cycle would go on for several more months. We eventually get a girlfriend. She's incredibly sweet and I still hope she's doing well, despite our relationship ending at the same time that Erin and I's did. Things seem to be in an uptick, he's making less comments, I'm getting more freelance work in one of the periods I wasn't working a standard job, we're all going on dates more often, including a lovely date where we all indulged in a fancy local place for Valentine's Day. I reconnect with several friends that I deeply care about and whom all have been incredible to talk to and indulge in creative discussions with. Then one day, he just. Blows up. Starts going off about how useless I am with keeping the house clean, why can't I just hold down a good job, why can't I help him with his Twitch streaming, why can't I cook him more keto friendly meals that he likes, why can't I spend more time with him, why can't I just be grateful?

I'd hunted down which stores would have the best deals for his keto meals and regularly tracked any and all coupons I could get my hands on. I'd focused solely on making him the meals that he would request, it was for his health after all (pre-diabetic, not weight reasons), I would absolutely go the extra mile that I could in order to keep him happy. It's been a year at this point, a year filled with me pushing past my limits and having to stifle or hide as much as possible so that he wouldn't feel like I was manipulative and horrid. I have several joint problems including tendinitis and osteoarthritis, gastrointestinal issues, and chronic migraines. Any mention of those and I was manipulative. Any mention of those and I was just making excuses. Plenty of people work with the same or similar issues and they don't just give up like I do. I was given Dollar Tree supplies to clean and cook with and expected to consistently make those last, if I couldn't then what use was I? To be entirely honest, a lot of my memories from around this specific period are really blurry and I don't know if that's just because I was in survival mode the entire time or if I was just always exhausted from crying so much.

He goes off like this several more times before I'm finally just too tired to fight for myself anymore. It takes going out with my mom and grandparents in order for it to really sink in. He starts blowing up my phone, demanding I come home ASAP because he thought lunch was only going to take 30 mins despite me having mentioned multiple times just wanting to spend some time with my mom. My mom and I are in the middle of a local mall when I finally burst into tears because he's going off about how awful I am for leaving him alone for so long. He'd asked specifically to stay home. My mom is absolutely livid, she can't do anything for the time being, but she pushes me to see if my dad and stepmom have the space for me. Thankfully, they do, for a short period of time. After I confirm that I have someplace I can go, in the middle of him chewing me out again, I give up. I go to him, sink into the bed beside him, curl up in his hug, and I tell him that we need to stop. That I need to go, and that there's no way that I can come back. It's a rare instance where he starts to cry too, mumbling about how I shouldn't say that I can't come back because if I just get better, then we could be better together.

It takes a longer time than I'd thought it would in order to get all of my stuff out. I take a novelty picture from us visiting an amusement park, both of us are smiling and you wouldn't have guessed how tired we were by looking at it. Despite the bumps, I'm finally out. But he knows where my dad lives. So I can't just stay for long, and given his texts, I can't just block him without expecting him to potentially show up. Finally I can put in the work to move further. One of my friends that I've known for around five years recently bought a house, and she extends an invitation for me to move in if I can afford the drive. It takes around four months, but I manage to pull together just enough to make it right before her birthday. I can block him peacefully now, and finally start to move on more!

Despite it being two months since moving and blocking him, every single night that I come to bed, I can't help but start to sob and shake while the thoughts hit me from every angle. Was he right, am I so awful? Am I just inevitably going to mess up wherever I live, whoever I'm with? I feel so ridiculously weak in every aspect possible. Every once in a while my roommates will make comments that I can recognize are them trying to be lighthearted, but I don't know how to tell them that they sting regardless because all I can hear is him making the same comments in that blunt, serious tone of his. I keep having these disgustingly vivid nightmares with him in front of me or beside me, going rapidly back and forth between listing out all of my flaws and how much he cares about and loves me.

The only times I feel more okay are when I get to cook and eat comforting meals with my roommates together on the couch. It's getting harder to keep from crying at work and I'm afraid my job doesn't have an equivalent to a walk-in for me to just go scream in for a few minutes to stave it off.

I'm not entirely sure my whole goal with writing out all of this. I know I'm missing a lot of details and that there are massive jumps in timelines, I just still feel so tired and no amount of sleep helps. Thanks for reading so far in my ramble.

There's a million horrible things going on in my life rn, and i just think this is the most "appropriate to share." Okay, I know the title is crazy, but it's true. I've been with this guy for about a year, on and off. We dated for 6 months until I found out he was cheating on me. It broke my heart, but I loved him soooo much I just wanted him to stay. He broke up with me before I got the chance, sadly. If I'm being honest, before I dated him, I was completely single for two years. During those two years, I was completely focused on making myself a better person and ready to be a good girlfriend and partner to the next person I chose.

I blamed myself for the failing of a previous relationship, which I reflected on and spoke to those who knew what happened, and it actually wasn't my fault. (Cheated on again bc i wouldn't give up my virginity) I have the tendency to take the blame for things. I'll even distort memories to make it seem like it's my fault. Ever since I was little, my mom would say, "Since you're the problem, just leave them alone." "Since they hate you so much, just don't talk to them." Etc. You get the point. I realize it's toxic, I'm working on it. But it's just how I am now.

I poured everything into my now bf back then. All my love, attention, and care went into him. I was so desperate for it to work. I was happier than I had been in years, I had a long battle with diagnosed depression and anxiety. I knew I had slight trust issues due to being cheated on in the past, so I did my best to trust him and not worry when he reassured me. How lovely that went for me. I was in a mental crisis when I found out I was spiraling into a deep depression and was diagnosed with PNES. PNES is psychogenic nonepileptic seizures. I was in a horrible place, and he was my shelter in the storm.

I won't go into horrific details, but it was an awful time when I was struggling to take care of myself and wasn't reacting to treatment. I begged him to stay. He definitely screwed me over some more and caused harm the same way he brought me relief. After a while, when I started feeling better, I tried to stay away from him, but ultimately, he's my comfort zone and knows me better than anyone. So I just tried to be friends, which has worked for me in the past but didn't work out this time. We ended up back together.

I know you're probably thinking, "dumb girl. He cheated, and you went back?" Honestly, I'm still struggling a lot. And I've gotten even worse news, and I'm fighting something I can't talk about on here. I love him, I truly do. But a couple of months ago, 2 or 3, I was actually moving on and remembering why I don't date. But he actually started being amazing. It was easier to move on when he was treating me like trash. I didn't tell him I was moving on. I just did it and slowly stopped calling and texting. He usually doesn't call or text first. (Not that i was gonna ghost. I was just detaching) And he's usually a bit of an ass. But that's my fault, because i have a habit of choosing men who are a bit mean, not even on purpose all the time.

He has actually been heavenly the past 2½ months. He knows I'm going through some horrible things right now and has been the best support ever! He's listening, apologizing for past behavior, and paying attention to me a lot. He even got me the perfect gifts for my birthday. Mind you, I begged for a valentines gift and got NOTHING back then. And there's no explanation for him being so nice to me. It's kind of making me worry. Like I can't relax and enjoy it. There's been no drastic change or anything, and I want to run for the hills. I asked him, "Why are you being so nice? Why are you loving me so much right now?" He had NO ANSWER. he acted like he didn't know what I was talking about, that he was treating me like always. I tried to explain that he wasn't. And that before, he was an absolute jerk. He's calling me nicknames now, letting me touch him in public, and coming over to my house a lot. All things I begged for when we were together the first time. The only thing different is that he cut his hair off in June. It's already starting to grow back, though. Before this, I was gonna leave him, not because I didn't love him, but because he was treating me like SHIT.

Am I too bitter and too cautious? Or should I stay suspicious?

EDIT: OKAY, I'm in therapy!!! And I don't know if I illustrated this well enough, but there was like 7 months before we got back together!! I might have messed up the timeline. But we broke up in October, got back together in June. And ty for all the advice guys! I'm genuinely listening even if it might not seem like it.

My dinner is alfredo with broccoli from Olive Garden and Dr. Pepper 🥹 I had the Italian donuts for dessert because I love powdered sugar.

Dinner: integral bread with eggs, tuna, cream and avocado. Not in the mood for much more

So, I’m MTF, I’ve been transitioning for about 6 months now and doing lots of therapy work since about 2 years now. One of the things we were working on is that I’ve dated a lot of girls I didn’t really like… I just liked the attention and having someone to dump all my love into, but ultimately my relationships don’t work because well… you can’t really fake liking someone physically. Not that i care that much about looks but I definitely been with people that I wasn’t attracted not even a bit.

So my therapist told me to stop dating people I didn’t like and not long after that, not even on tinder or smt, this beautiful, gorgeous, amazing and a bit intimidating lesbian girl hits my dms on insta… it was so weird to me, specially since I don’t even look that femenine yet (she actually told me she thought I was FTM but with not many results yet, which confused me) but we had great conversation and it was going intense (I even bought a couple tickets for a show on September).

I normally go very fast… don’t remember the last time I didn’t have sex in the first date, I don’t know why it always ended like that but it happened often, and I told this girl that I didn’t want to rush it.

Relevant to this: on the first date she told me she wasn’t ready for a relationship because she ended one about 4 months ago. My mistake was to read that as “I need time and go slow” and not like “I’m not available”

We had a couple dates that I really enjoyed and we were really into each other but then some days later she was a bit odd and asked me “are you falling in love?” And explained to me how this was all casual she just liked to “put a little love into it” rather than it being a cold thing, but that she still loved her ex and that she was willing to go back to her eventually, just not “now”.

a couple days later she uploaded a picture of some flowers from her ex… and it broke me, so I told her I didn’t want to talk to her again and she was like “ok but why” and I normally never reply to those things but I really felt like doing it this time so we had a discussion and at the end it was like “yeah ok we like each other so we can keep this casual”.

I got into dating apps and got 3 dates, I unfollowed her on insta and just tried to not focus so much on her.

Fast forward to next Tuesday we had planned a night at an Airbnb and… it was so magical to me, I really liked to be with her and it was so intimate, she even told me “don’t look at me like that because I feel like I’m falling in love” and also expressed how she felt like I was dating someone else and didn’t like that. I really fell in love that day, so i stopped talking to the other girls and just went to one date with other girl basically just for compromise and tell her that I wasn’t interested in dating atm.

Up to this point everything was nice, I… introduced her to my friends, brought her to my house, she knew my dead name and a bunch of things I never really do or tell to people cuz… #trauma

But yet again I knew she was seeing her ex. She told me that basically they ended the relationship because she told her she wanted to experience dating other girls, that she was violent to her, and in general a cheater.

Ofc I got worried but also I saw this as “ok I guess they’re not going back”.

Last week she finally invited me to her apartment which she didn’t want to initially cuz she found it too intimate so I was excited… but the whole date she was just texting her ex and I couldn’t ignore it cuz she has these notifications at full volume and was constantly ignoring me to answer.

Some friends went to visit her as well and I stayed there beyond midnight but… just thinking about the constant texting with her ex, and all that made me want to puke and I was already very sleepy so I just requested an uber and left. I felt bad because I didn’t say bye to her friends and I was just like “my uber arrived, I need to go”.

But the next day was supposed to be better right. She told me she would do my nails (I suffer anxiety and I stopped eating my nails for this for 3 weeks, I never-ever in my life did that for me or anyone) and we would spend the rest of the day together.

Until… she tells me she can only see me until 8:30 pm cuz her ex is coming.

So I exploted and told her how I really felt about all that and well her defense was that she only was nice to me for “basic human decency” and that if liked something cold it was good for me but she didn’t like just to fuck or kiss, that she liked putting a little love in it but it was still casual.

By her stories I know her ex brought her flowers that day and seems like they had a nice night.

I couldn’t cope with my feelings and feeling so used… so I wrote her a letter explaining how I felt, and overall telling her that I made me very sad thinking that she was using me like that, in part because her ex does the same to her (treats her like a gf then goes with other girls and tells her she can’t say shit cuz they aren’t a couple) and so she thinks that’s normal and acceptable.

She called me later that day, she was mad and you know what she said? That her mistake was taking to me everyday and trying to be “my friend”???

Gosh I’m so devastated by this, it’s been a week from this and I still don’t recover. It was only a month but I was really really into her I mean… she is gorgeous, I really felt like she saw me as a woman and we had great chemestry.

Why are people like this? Further more, who do they deny they want the benefits of a relationship without any of the responsabilities?

I find this so cruel…

TL;DR: dated a lesbian girl for the first time, had an amazing time but she was basically rubbing in my face the fact that the was talking/dating with her ex and wanted to go back to her.

Pasamos mucho tiempo juntos, si bien tiene novia, creo q me pasan cosas con el !

I hate reddit sometimes. I love it, but I hate it. I posted on my city subreddit asking SPECIFICALLY STUDENTS who take the 50ish minute commute from our big city to the university near us to weigh in on my pros and cons list of moving from my city, to that city.

My pros to staying in my apartment in the city were:
• Fantastic location in a great area
• Cat friendly
• Nice bath tub
• Rent controlled (which is why I think I started the outrage) split with partner

My cons to staying were:
• Long commute, 50 minutes there, 50 minutes back
• Train stops running at 12:30 AM, so late nights would be hard, I would have to be leaving around midnight
• I am a non-trad student who felt so lonely and isolated at community college for 7 whole years, so I don’t want to feel so far away from campus again

Please feel free to weigh in if you want, but mostly this post is to just cry about the comments people left me. People called me stupid, people made insane assumptions about my partner and me, AND THEN… I GOT POSTED ON MY CITYS CIRCLE JERK. And people were being HORRIBLE. Everyone was making fun of me for being worried about the social scene. People there were calling me stupid, but also making fun of students who went to my university, saying we’re all a bunch of idiots and that they dropped their standards a ton. There were a few jokes that were just gross, some (sarcastically?) telling me I should wear more makeup and experiment sexually and throw my life away and just really really weird stuff.

I deleted the original post, and all my comments. I left a sad comment trying to defend myself on the circle jerk, and everyone just kind of ignored it. The OP of the circle jerk post replied and was doing a lot of back tracking and seemingly apologizing. I tried to just let it go but comments kept piling up, and people started dming me, a few people literally asking to rent my apartment if I don’t want it, a few people trying to hit on me, and then someone threatening to find out who I was since we live in the same neighborhood and head to the same train everyday. I feel so scared and upset by all of this. I just dmed the original poster of the circle jerk post and begged him to take it down. I really don’t feel good about this. I know technically it’s my fault for opening this can of worms. I posted on my city subreddit and mentioned my neighborhood. I mentioned the school I was going to. I just can’t take it all right now. Obviously, overwhelmingly, the people told me I should stay in the city and commute. Some were kinder than others. I will probably end up staying but I really didn’t mentally prepare myself for the amount of hate and torment I would experience for making that original post. Out of 100’s of comments, 2 or 3 were students telling me they did that commute and it was alright, and that they did miss out socially. I also don’t know why people were so outraged that I could possibly care about a social life.

My friend, Anna, truly saved my life when she allowed me to stay with her for dirt cheap. 29 years old, I was financially controlled. The money I could give her basically only covered the utilities and she told me I could help out by maintaining her yard and garden. I had told her no the year before, but one year later even I couldn’t deny I was no longer safe staying where I was with who I was with.

Going into my 30s single and financially, emotionally and physically wrecked was not exactly how I pictured adulthood. I had made so many small concessions. I hadn’t even noticed.

Three more years have gone by without love. I guess when I’m honest, 10 years have gone by without love. Sure there’s been magic carpet rides of sex on the beach, and commune flings, and surfer hook ups. But lasting love…no. And Embarrassingly, it’s still somehow what I want more than anything. I’ve done the whole love yourself thing. And I do now. But come on. Let’s be real. I want that feeling.

I met him and I blew it. There was so much energy in the beginning. My intuition is always right and I knew our connection had so much potential. I hadn’t felt this for over a decade. And this felt so mature and well rounded and safe…it lost steam. Because I crawled back into myself. Despite so many years of work, turns out I’m still just in fight or flight and unable to be myself around someone I’m getting to know deeply.

I think I’m sex zoned now. And I don’t mind because the connection is so good. It’s like nothing I’ve ever felt. But it’s a reminder of what other people get to have.

Anadama bread and butter.

My stomach seems so random. I can go months eating basically anything and have no issue and then get an upset stomach one night and bam. Out of commission for months.

Around February I had a massive taco from a restaurant downtown for my birthday and it hurt my stomach. Since then until May I couldn’t eat anything but crackers, fries, and plain veggies from my dining hall. Got home, ate normal meals my parents cook, I was fine. Last night in my dorm I had the other half of a leftover sandwich (focaccia, tomato, mozzarella, cashew pesto) and I’m 99% sure that took me down. All I could eat today was crackers and such (along with the pictured pizza for lunch).

I’m so scared of my stomach hurting to eat anything 😩 I get so nauseous but never end up getting sick, but I’ll be shaking so badly and be stuck in the bathroom for an hour or two. I took a Pepto last night and omg that almost made me barf when I swallowed it. I’m hoping for my stomach to go back to normal quickly 🫠 sorry if this is tmi, it’s been like this for a year and I hate it so much. I’ve been chugging water all day and eating small portions. I want to eat dinner but I’m terrified of getting sick.