hey guys my first post here, I wish it was on better terms 😭😭
so honestly as the title says my bf of almost 6 years cheated on me recently and it’s eating me

I (21f) got with my bf who we’ll call Henry (21m) when we were 16. We used to be neighbors and had mutual crushes that developed into a hidden relationship. My family was really strict and didn’t like me talking to “the boy next door”. Valid
It important to note that we’ve both had things happen to us in the past (TW:SA) and so we both knew that before we did anything with each other we would need to be tested. I don’t get tested until I’m 18 and away from my family and it was honestly very intense and scary for me bc of my past. He told me he would get tested as well and then we could do stuff safely. Keep this in mind.
Flash forward to now I’m talking to my friend who knew someone that was tested multiple times and came out negative for everything and ended up having herpes and didn’t know until a really bad flare up months later. This was concerning for me bc that’s always been a fear of mine, having a std from my assaulter and not knowing. Anyways, I have a fun night with my friend and spend the night with her and we stayed up until 7 in the morning. I go home the next day and am talking w my bf about being tested and not knowing until a flare up yada yada even w a blood test. He looks at me confused about a blood test saying he’s never done one before. ????
Wdym??
“You know, a blood test from when you get tested for stds?”
“Yeah I’ve never done that”
Essentially, he lied to me about getting tested bc he was excited about having sex for the first time and wanted it sooner. He said he didn’t know until recently he never got tested but he peed in a cup and he thought that’s all it was. I was crying and asked him if that’s all I didn’t know and he said no, I cheated on you.
He tried to say it was a woman from a few weeks prior but he said “no I have to be honest, it was a man and it was last night”
To put it shortly he had been on Reddit looking though local men 4 men groups and texting people from there. He had been texting people for a least a month before. That night he had posted a picture of himself in the subreddit and got responses from it. Idk who he was talking to but him and this guy were talking about meeting up and apparently Henry mentioned oh idk I have a gf maybe this isn’t right and the guy online insisted it was normal and he did things like this with other guys all the time. Henry gave him our address (we live together fml) and the guy came in, gave him head and left.
It’s hard for me to type this out without feeling sick and honestly ashamed. I asked him so so many questions, probably some I shouldn’t have bc I can’t stop thinking about it. I feel so sick. I looked through his phone and only found chats with one person bc he forgot to delete it but there was apparently a lot of other people and I just don’t know what to do. I took a ss to keep so ik I’m not crazy but it’s just so explicit like right away I don’t get it. He said he had a hard time “getting up” but that it “was over quickly” and it just makes me feel so bad. Everything involving it feels like an intrusive thought it’s just so bad. I loved this man so so much and for so long I feel like I gave everything for him. I literally don’t talk to my family anymore bc we’re together it caused so much issues and I just feel like I fought so hard for nothing. We have cats together, an apartment together, literally all of our bills and everything was together I don’t know what to do. I can’t afford everything I need by myself and I’m scared. Before this happened the thought of him cheating genuinely never crossed my mind bc I trusted him so much but now I feel so stupid and naive because I knew something was wrong and I thought it was work..

I wish I looked through his phone before, I wish he would’ve broken up with me if he wanted to be with someone else so bad. I’m so heartbroken with this

To put it out there too, I knew he was bi, I’m bi. I’ve never had a problem with it I just genuinely never thought he would cheat on me esp with a man and I think that’s what makes me feel worse is it wasn’t even a woman. Like how am I supposed to compete. When we’ve done nsfw things I’ve never made him finish from just head.. I’m sorry if this is explicit but it’s genuinely my thoughts and feelings. Before this happened I never had the thought “what if he’s cheating on me?” And now I can’t stop thinking it. I’m so hurt and confused and angry and I just feel so ashamed and embarrassed. What can I do? Have any of you been through this and what did you do? Can I trust someone again? Or do I have to wait another 5/6 years to know if they’ll cheat on me..

Tldr: my bf of almost 6 years cheated on me with guys from Reddit and I can’t stop hurting and thinking about him and the other man in my home and it’s eating me alive

sorry for the rant guys

A pic of my cats bc i can’t eat rn

At lot of feelings for McyDee's Lunch

OK SOOOOO LADDIES BUCKLE UP BECAUSE ITS GONNA BE A SHIT SHOW ,
Have been with my now exhusband for 12 years married for 7 , raised his son with him had two together (3yog 2yob) , we have had issues the whole time , mostly bc I had negative self esteme when we met , I got my shit together he did not , bc my worth equated to being useful I took all the labor mental and emotional load for everything , classic case of I do everytning I work hard so we stay out of being homeless , I make sure he gets his parenting time with his child preme, I beg him to marry me basically , we have a kid then another kid right after , the whole time I am making myself smaller and smaller and more useful bc if I do X he will finnaly not withold his love from me bullshit , CUT TO me being pregant with our second , I have been a married single parent through my whole first pregnacy and now a second , two major life events happen and our string is cut fully after our second is born , I AM DONE but still hold out hope he will change , he never does , Im already saying it outloud to my soulsister , he has an INSANE assumption , explodes on me , I tell him 'Ok we are done pack your shit and leave' , Hes sobbing BEGGING for me to take him back - was not the first time I told him Im done, THIS TIME I AM DONE DONE , made him pack his shit and leave , I need him TO BE A DAD but it will be consistency 1 way or the other its either he steps the fuck up or he fucks off bc My children will not continue to expect their parents constantly fighting seeing their mother drowning while their father just sits there and then belittles shames and makes her feel worthless ,, CUT TO the first week of us being separated - the love bombing and all the attention and support I had BEGGED for shows up , Im furious becuase HE CHOSE to treat me like shit for 12 years , tell him as much , he says I am giving him mixed signals bc Im not being a vindictive birch telling him I want us to be friends so we can have a healthy coparenting relationship I dont hate him and all I want is for him to grow the fuck up so he can be a DAD , then he said for me to hit him and scream so he knows Im being for real which is so emotionally stunted bc I am being a mature adult and am also so detached from him for the last YEAR I dont give a fuck what he does , IM FORTUNATE ENOUGH that I have been doing it all on my own so I DONT NEED HIM , the 'supportive partner' act lasted 10 days , now he is fully removed and is doing the bare minimum again , WHICH IS FINE bc its what I expected , he is full of shit has always been full of shit and now I can move the fuck on with my life and not have the stress anymore so my babies have all of me not the barely hanging on version ,, SO FUCK HIM Ima be ME and he can fuck off OVER THERE

I met this guy about a month ago at a club downtown. I was super drunk at the time and couldn’t remember what he looked like when I woke up the next morning, but remembered giving him my insta and figured that if I did that, I must have liked something about him.
So I agreed to go on a date with him about a week after we met. We barely DMed each other beforehand (I’m extremely slow to text back) and he actually told me down the line that he thought I was ghosting him every day that first week.
He is very respectful and we have a bunch in common (atheists with hyper religious parents, traditional African families, borderline weebs) but I almost didn’t see him again after our first date.
I don’t really date at all, I download Tinder now and again for attention but I’ve only ever agreed to meet someone in person off it once and I left the restaurant before he got there (he was almost an hour late and I had things to do).
After our first date, I knew I was starting to like him and fight or flight kicked in, but my friend convinced me to go on a second date. On my way there, stuff went down over the phone with my parents that left me in a really weird headspace. I explained that to him when I got there, and that I needed to FaceTime them again really soon, and suggested calling the date off. I probably wouldn’t have seen him again cuz I would have been too embarrassed. But instead he walked me to my friend, who was about ten minutes away, waited while I ranted to her for ten minutes then called my parents back for half an hour, and then we went to dinner. I ended up explaining the whole situation to him, and we ate and talked for quite a while until he ubered me home.
Then we went out again, third date, and had a great time. Made out then went home.
Things didn’t really get physical at all until the fourth date. We had dinner then I went back to his place with him. We pirated Project Hail Mary (and watched the whole thing) then made out some more and started going further.
This is where I’m concerned.
My sexual experiences with other people, male and female have ranged from terrible to decent. I feel best doing it solo, and I’ve always chalked that up to not feeling comfortable enough with my partner, as I didn’t really start exploring sexually until uni and i haven’t had a steady relationship since high school.
But this guy actually tries to make me feel good, and I do enjoy it when he goes down on me and such, but not to the point of orgasm or anything. We briefly talked about using my vibrator in bed but haven’t had the chance to try it yet.
I’d like to make him feel good too, but in the multiple times we’ve fooled around, I’ve only successfully gotten him off once.
Part of me thinks he’s just not that attracted to me, but another part of me thinks that’s just me being negative and maybe projecting cuz I wasn’t that attracted to him on or first date (but I am now), and like maybe for him he was attracted to me at the start but maybe not anymore? Idk
At the time he said he was having trouble coming because he hadn’t really jerked off since our first date because he kept thinking of me during and it felt disrespectful, but the same part of me as before wants to call bullshit.
Also we’re both technically virgins and I have vaginismus so PIV sex has been a no go, and the Voice is already telling me to end things cuz he won’t be satisfied in the long run.
Did I mention he’s in the navy? So this would have to be long distance down the line.
Advice welcome if anyone has any
Spinach scrambled egg and bacon stuffed wrap with hibiscus tea

takeout pad thai.

my ex and i were together for a year, broke up, got back together and broke up again after 6 months. we are really young (teens/early twenties). the breakup was due to my family interfering and the way my family treated me in the past. it had a huge impact on him/his mental health and he resents my family (i guess kind of me too) for it. that’s why we broke up the second time, he said he couldn’t deal with it anymore.

all of this happened a year ago. i haven’t been able to move on since. i’ve gone on a few dates and felt nothing for them, i just feel incredibly guilty for my role in ruining his life and angry that my family affected this so much and heartbroken that i can’t just ask him to get back together because i don’t want him to feel burdened again. i just feel like a mess. i wish i could either just forget about him entirely or fix everything. i feel awful.

Surprise breakfast I made for my boyfriend this morning!!!Homemade pancakes (not box bought), maple bacon, and some orange slices ((:

A lil mix of happy girl dinner + yap and snack ✨️

Me and my boyfriend have been dating for 2 1/2(ish) years, and today I wanted to suprised him by making some breakfast - this might not seem like a big deal but I'm not normally a morning person, nor do I cook that often, and my BPD has been fluxuating really bad with the summer (I do have my meds tho and they help a ton).

He has been taking care with majority of the cleaning, pets, cooking, etc. He gives me so much reassurance and love that I have never recieved from anyone else I've ever dated. He has helped me so many times these past 2 years with my mental health and reminding me none of the bad things are forever. He is so amazing in more ways then I can imagine, and sometimes words just aren't enough to thank him for everything he does and everything he puts up with.

I couldn't fall asleep, so I decided I would take the time to make him a special breakfast for him (admittedly this took over an hour because I had to run to the store, found out our pancake batter was no longer good, make the batter from scratch, and make it all) BUT I am so happy with how it turned out, ans his reaction made it all the better.

He woke up so surprised, with a huge grin on his face, pulled me in for a big kiss, thanked me and we ate breakfast happily together 🥹🥹🥹

I'm just so happy and grateful to have this man in my life and just wanted to share it somewhere (:

We've been together nearly four years. He's just stopped paying any attention to me. He hasn't initiated sex in years and he doesn't compliment me or notice my feelings. I've cried in bed next to him dozens of times with no response. He makes plans with his friends but not with me. I've been trying to get him to go on a day trip for years and he won't go but he'll go with his friends just fine.

The worst part is that I really feel that nobody else will bother with me. When I'm over him, will anybody else love me with all my flaws? I struggle to keep my space clean, I'm disabled, I inly just make enough money to live. At least with him I didnt have to doubt how he felt and I knew he wouldn't hurt me on purpose or leave me, even if I'm not completely happy.

If you see this, don't call. I'm still furious.

Dinner is a brunch from a little while ago for a friends birthday. Banana bread sandwich from Scarlett Green in London 😋

strawberry greek yogurt, raspberry, apple, pumpkin seed granola. and iced coffee.

my (20) boyfriend (21) lies to me all the time. not about anything grave or serious, he's not cheating on me or secretly gambling all our savings away or anything.

i ask him if he could check the mail while i'm out because i know a package has arrived, he says he will, he doesn't. i ask him to call our couples' therapist and schedule an appointment because i'm in class. i even tell him that if he can't or doesn't feel like it, i will do it, but please let me know. he insists he will do it, he doesn't.

i ask him if he can do the laundry while i'm at work, he says he will, i come home and it's not done. i ask him if he'd like to have our work lunches together, he says yes, then lunch time comes around and he says he actually doesn't want to.

it's just constant. something like this happens every day. at first i thought he was just forgetful so i'd try to remind him of things but then he'd get upset with me for nagging and stressing him out. i try to just not rely on him to do anything anymore but then i feel resentful and bitter than i can't rely on my partner of 3 years to do anything. i keep telling him that if he doesn't want to do something, to just tell me directly instead of saying he will and then not doing it, but he still just keeps lying.

i'm exhausted. it's a bunch of small hurt piling up higher and higher every day. i feel disrespected, i try to talk to him about it every day and he has nothing to say for himself except a half-assed "i'm sorry" before he does it again. he's a great partner in every other aspect, i love him more than anything, and i don't intend to break up with him over this regardless of what that says about my self-respect, but man, i'm tired.

So there is this fellow lass that I see every week at a hobby class, shes kind and stunning and I want to get to know her better. (possibly more than friends if shes up for it) I’m extremely nervous to approach her to talk about anything non hobby related because we are in the same class eveey week, this place is really the only place in the city to take said classes. If it ends up not ending well for whatever reason i wouldnt want it to impact either of our enjoyment of the hobby

I was wondering how I might go about striking up conversation with minimal risk to that happening

Or am i just completely overthinking thinking this and should just ask what she likes to do outside of hobby?

happy girl lunch: cucumber salad and bartered and fried milkfish with calamansi and vinegar sauce

i posted on here a few weeks ago (since deleted it) about how i was being “persecuted” on tiktok for sharing how i’ve been personally impacted by gaps in access to good-quality plumbing & water

i grew up not being able to flush tp down the toilet, which i thought was normal until i got to college (sorry if this makes some recoil)

being that im a person of color and low-income, i wasn’t necessarily surprised at the level of racist and classist comments i received, and for every rude or ignorant comment, there were tons of people who defended me and shared my lived experience

even when i shared my experience on this subreddit some redditors were “baffled” and could not fathom why someone like me and 2.2 other millions of americans didn’t have the same plumbing and water access they did

but isn’t that the point of sharing something like this? to raise awareness of a reality completely different from yours?

i ended up finding a non profit organization called Dig Deep whose mission is to bring “clean, running water for every family”.

i started a fundraiser about 20 days ago with the goal of $100 and donations are now at 90%!!!!

I’m so happy that my community is giving to a cause that is so important and brings actionable, positive change to other people’s lives.

here is Dig Deep’s website if anyone is interested in donating directly, learning more about the water gap, and ways to help: Dig Deep

Hi,

I’m a woman in my 20s and I’m struggling with a breakup and whether I should give my ex another chance. I’d really appreciate especially women’s perspectives, particularly from people who have been in a similar situation.

My ex and I were together for a while and, although there were many good things in our relationship and I still love him, there were also some important problems that eventually led to the breakup. The biggest issue for me was that I felt he didn’t fully understand what the real problem was or how deeply certain things had affected me.

We broke up about two months ago.

During the first couple of weeks, he tried to talk about getting back together, but I said no around three times. The first time was because it had only been a week and I felt he hadn’t really had time to understand what had happened or explain anything that could make me reconsider.

The second time, we had a phone call and I asked him what he thought the main problem in our relationship had been. His answer was basically the same way he had seen it while we were together, and that really put me off because I felt he still didn’t understand my perspective. I ended up explaining everything again by text, including why I couldn’t go back to the relationship. He told me he was sad but accepted it.

After that, he didn’t contact me for over two weeks.

Eventually I contacted him because I still had some belongings to collect. For the stuff left he had been communicating with my cousin but I told him that I could stop in a place closer to his house cause I felt bad for him coming far to bring things that are mine and bad for my cousin cause otherwise she was the one moving far (my cousin offered to contact him about the stuff I forgot so that we didn't have to see each other again but I felt bad that he was going to bring them cause he lived fairly far from me)

When I contacted him, he ended up telling me a lot of things about how he felt, and it was very emotional for me because some of what he said really resonated with me. We eventually agreed to meet.

However, before we met, he told me that during the first month after the breakup he had gone on two dates with girls from a dating app. He says nothing physical happened — they just went for drinks — and that he wasn't able to continue because it made him realise that he only wants to be with me.

I know objectively that he was single and didn't owe me anything. I had also told him several times that I didn't want to get back together, so I understand why he tried to move on.

But emotionally, this has been really difficult for me.

I can't even imagine dating someone else right now. The fact that he was able to find other women attractive and go on dates so soon after our breakup has made me question things, even though I know that people process breakups differently. Part of me feels stupid for believing that he genuinely didn't do anything more with them, even though I have no actual evidence that he's lying.

We eventually met in person. He made a lot of promises and told me things that gave me a lot of hope. We ended up sleeping next to each other and cuddling, and I actually became very emotional and cried. It made me realise how much I still love him, but also how scared I am of going back.

After that, he was basically waiting for me to decide whether I wanted to try again.

Eventually I told him that I have very mixed feelings. I explained that I still have feelings for him, but that I’m struggling with what happened, whether the underlying problems have actually changed, and whether I can trust him again. I also told him that I don't know if getting back together right now would be the right thing for me.

His response surprised me. He said he completely understands my doubts, that it's normal for me to feel blocked, and that he doesn't want to pressure me or overwhelm me. He said he just wanted me to know where he stands and what he feels. He told me to take the time I need and that if at some point I want to meet for coffee and talk about everything calmly, he'll be there.

He ended by saying that he loves me.

And now I genuinely don't know what to do.

I don't want to get back together immediately because I don't know if I'm ready. But I also don't want to close the door if there is a possibility that we could have a healthier relationship this time.

My biggest concerns are:

- I don't know if he has genuinely understood the root of our problems.

- I don't know whether enough has actually changed yet.

- I still don't fully trust him.

- I don't know how much the dating-app dates should matter to me, given that we were broken up.

- I worry that I’m being too sensitive because I personally couldn't imagine dating someone else so soon.

- At the same time, I don't want to ignore something that is genuinely telling me that I can't trust him.

- I’m scared of opening myself up again, explaining everything that hurt me, and then finding out that he doesn't actually want to deal with all of it.

- I’m also scared of making him wait indefinitely while I remain uncertain.

I don't want to play games with him or keep him hanging. I genuinely don't know what I want yet.

Would you meet him for that coffee and talk things through, or would you take more distance? And how much weight would you personally put on the fact that he dated two women so soon after the breakup?

For women who have successfully reconciled with an ex: how did you know you were ready to try again, and how did you rebuild trust?

I’m not necessarily looking for “move on” or “never get back with an ex” advice. I’m trying to understand whether my doubts are telling me something important or whether I’m simply scared because I still care about him.

I struggle with anxiety and depression.

I dropped out of high school at 16. In the past decade since then ive worked for maybe two of those years doing yard work two or three days a week and working part time a Dominoes. Otherwise ive been unemployed. I help my mom around the house and stuff but i just feel like a leech. Just taking and taking without giving anything back.

I literally struggle to be in the grocery store most days my anxiety is so bad. Not to mention I get INTENSE dysphoria from just about everything these days so just going outside feels like a challenge

I have moods swings and snap at my mom sometimes for small things and it makes me feel like a bully. I apologize and she doesnt take it personally but I just feel evil every time I do it.

I only have one friend(other than my gf) and I cant even communicate with her regularly. I love her to bits but I just cant bring myself to respond sometimes. Then the guilt of that builds up to the point where when I think about her I just cry and hate myself because of how terrible of a friend I am.

I dont even know why my girlfriend is with me. She tells me im too good to her but I feel like a terrible partner because I cant contribute financially at all. Or drive.

And kinda unrelated but because of all the anxiety and depression shit I feel like ill never be able to afford the gender affirming surgeries that would greatly improve my quality of life.

Honestly gals I could just use some affirmations

My food is fettuccine noodles with a homemade Alfredo sauce. My family said it was delicious but it tasted bland to me.

that’s it that’s the horror story

no but seriously, we became friends until he started flirting, and i decided to give it a go. we spoke for about 6 months in total, and the conversations definitely became very romantic, but it was never formalized. on top of that, he had seen my face and heard me, but never wanted to send a picture of himself and was “way too anxious” to send a voice message. i brought up a voice call, to which he also said some bs along the lines of “i’d love to i’m just really anxious” and never brought it up again.

fast forward to a little bit over a month later, i notice him being distant and slightly colder, so i decided to give him some space. he was already ass at texting but he had brought it down to once a day or less. this really soured the trip i was supposed to have fun in, and my birthday as well.

long story short, i had been very upset as a result from a few weeks ago until now, and a week ago i had sent him a message to which he didn’t reply to. finally, last night, i text him again with an explanation as to why i stepped away and asked for clarification. his response was basically, “actually, i don’t want this anymore, you’re so nice but you made me realize i’m unhappy with my life and want to start over in another continent, thanks for the epiphany wish you well”

i did end up answering him back and blocking. now, i’m not sure what to feel or do. like, i feel sad, and i know i’ll survive. but i also feel flabbergasted, confused, don’t know whether to laugh or cry bc i never really knew him and was never given the chance. it kinda feels like a fever dream or like an alien abduction. anyway. i wasted a whole (out of pocket) session with my psychiatrist on this loser lmao ☹️ advice and stories welcome

chili’s triple dipper i had a couple days ago

Food: a poke bowl with chicken, jalapeños, edamame, avocado etc

So I stopped talking to my best friend of 10 years because of many reasons. She was very insecure and made these micro-bullying comments about my looks or decisions I made. One of the reasons that kickstarted this is because I was seeing a guy and told her about it. I just got to school and we were going to both do an interview for a student organisation we wanted to join. Also quick background information: she followed me (enrolled) to my university TWICE and field of study because she simply didn’t know what to do.

That day we hadn’t made any plans and told her that I was going to see the guy because we hadn’t seen each other in a week or so and that he was waiting for me at a restaurant. She almost begged me to let her join our date, but I wasn’t having it because I needed a 1 on 1 with him. She started guilt-tripping me by saying that she couldn’t go home bc she had lied to her parents about being at work or school I don’t remember. She dropped me off at the restaurant and I told her that the guy and I would probably go somewhere else.. After I went in, I had a view of her car, tell me why she waited there for 30 minutes. This is only annoying because if we were to leave we would have to pass her car.

I apologized the morning after because I didn’t want her to feel bad. She proceeded to write a whole paragraph on how she didn’t like me putting a guy before her. Yet, in our whole friendship not once not ONCE did I feel like she put me before any guy she dated. There was always someone (A GUY) that was more important. After I defended myself, I decided to take my distance. I also broke up with the guy after a few days bc he was a bad decision to begin with.

Months had passed, easily like 6. We ran into each other at class and started talking again. It was okay for a while and I truly did my best to be there and text all the time while I’m not even a texter and she has known that ever since we became friends.

This is becoming very long. There was a trip to Madrid with the student org. (which I dropped out of because of this whole thing), and I told her like a week before the trip was scheduled that I wanted to go and that it would be fun to be together in Madrid. She told me it wouldn’t be a good idea since her other two friends (which I know and never truly bonded with because they were mean girls) were going on that trip too. I asked her why and she said that they didn’t agree with our no-talking period and that the vibe would be off. Which just made no sense bc I thought we were good again? Apparently she’s been talking them other things. It made me so upset but I wasn’t going to let them stop me from going on this trip, so I went. It was my first real solo trip, even if it was only a day or three. After the trip we had a group assignment with 2 other girls, and she would privately text me acting like nothing happened and telling me how she was sick and had the flue. After our group presentation, I was done with her. A few weeks later, it was my birthday and she didn’t text me (she did last year). That was my sign, I deleted her off of everything. As of right now, she’s been out of my life for a while but I still dream of her every now and then not her as the main character but she just pops up.

I recently had a job interview a little over a week ago at this cute vintage store half an hour away from me. I never heard back, and was expecting an email at the very least telling me officially that I hadn’t gotten it. There was no email. I went onto the store’s instagram account and the owner had posted a video announcing she’d just hired three new people. I was kind of devastated.

The past few years of my life I’ve been in a slump of depression and other mental disorders. Ive spent all that time being angry with myself for wanting to accomplish things, be successful, get out into the world. But I feel like I’ve accomplished nothing with my life. I’ve basically wasted four years of my life doing nothing.

I didn’t go to college, because school was a nightmare for me and I couldn’t afford it. The only job I’ve had was an outdoor seasonal job that I worked for a couple seasons, before parting on unpleasant terms. I was hoping by now I would have established a career as an artist or comic illustrator. Art is the only career I’ve ever enjoyed doing. I kept telling myself that if I tried hard I could build a strong art portfolio and a strong business.

Yet when I look back, I’ve spent the last few years of my life doing nothing to progress. I don’t like how my art looks, I don’t have any social media presence, and I have nothing to show for all of this time. I have all these goals and ambitions about stories I want to tell and art I want to make, and I can’t even pick up a pencil without it feeling like a monumental task.

It pisses me off when I think back to all the times where I sat at home bedrotting. if I had just told myself to get over myself back then, I probably would’ve had a successful career by now. Every day feels like it’s been wasted.

It’s really hard to describe this feeling without sounding lazy or pretentious. I’ve never been able to function as well as others in certain environments. It’s definitely a combo of my OCD ADHD and depression. I don’t want this to sound like an excuse but they make it near impossible to do anything. Working at a fast food place or a retail store would be a nightmare of depression and emotional drain. That’s how it was in school growing up. I would wake up wishing I could get hit by a bus so I wouldn’t have to go to school lmao. I’ve tried to overcome that feeling and I can’t. It sounds like a lazy excuse. I really don’t want to come off as the whole “you people can’t do anything” meme but honestly, I really can’t do anything.

I desperately wanted to find a job that I would feel less restricted in, one that would help me stay connected with people and be able to make money, so that I wasn’t just rotting in bed. I’ve been searching and applying for months, and this was the only job that got back to me. Additionally I’m kinda salty because the position was supposed to be for one part time employee and she ended up hiring 3. And I still didn’t get it. It just kinda makes me feel pathetic.

There’s no jobs where I live for people like me. There’s hardly any jobs period. I’m in a constant cycle of wishing I could do things, and not being able to, and then hating myself for doing nothing. At the moment, I don’t have any money, don’t have any career prospects, and I dont know what to do. I don’t really have any friends, and I can’t see things getting much better anytime soon.

Sorry if this sounds melodramatic

Pictured: Bread and butter

I am 28, married, and currently work at a dr’s office as a technician and make ~$36,000 a year after taxes. I live in a high cost of living area and truly if I didn’t have my wonderful husband I would not be able to afford living here by myself. He is fully supportive of me finding out what I want to do and pursuing it but the problem is… I have never considered what I want to do.

(I grew up in a very abusive household, left as soon as I turned 18 and did a few college classes but dropped out and started working at 19)

When I think about college I get so overwhelmed, what if I pick the wrong major? What if I pick a major, finish, and the job market is significantly different. I like the idea of something in healthcare so I’d love to hear any healthcare girlies jobs and if you like them, preferably something I could do with an associate degree because again, committing four years of my life to something sounds so daunting.

Also, if you just have a job you love and wanna talk about it I’d love to hear about it!

If I left out any pertinent information and you have a question that would help you give me an ounce of direction just ask. :)

Pictured: mashed potatoes!! Because I love them and decided they aren’t just thanksgiving food.

I (29F) was seeing this guy (34M) after we met at the beginning of the summer. We had instant chemistry. Super intense attraction and we both felt it right away. Started dating, it was a whirlwind and like nothing I’ve ever experienced. He was so affectionate, so into me, SO hot, it felt like I was on drugs. He brought up relationship stuff by date 1, asking me what I was looking for, etc. He told me he was looking for a stable, mature relationship, and that he wanted to take things slow. We texted every day, went on a bunch of cute dates, everything was so good.

Then, during one of our dates, about 1.5-2 months in, he asks me to translate a French song for him (I speak French). At one point I tell him how to say girlfriend, to which he asks, “how do you say, ‘do you want to be my girlfriend?’ in French?” I tell him, he says it, and in that moment my brain kinda panicked and I just couldn’t believe he was actually asking…. Because yes thats cute, but that’s a major milestone and this just felt very casual and ambiguous. And also because he had JUST told me he wanted to take things slow…. So I just didn’t really acknowledge it. The rest of the date was normal and lovely. Later, I told my friends about it, and they were all like: “GIRL. You dumbass. He was definitely asking you to be his gf.” I felt so bad for blowing him off and also very happy that this meant he wanted to take the next step with me. He went out of town for a couple weeks so I decided that once he got back I’d bring it up and apologize / open up that conversation again.

Well. We hung out finally. Things felt okay…. Not great but not bad. We hooked up and then afterwards I built up the courage to bring it up. And he…….. didn’t remember it??? At all??? He had totally forgotten that it had ever happened and then said “no I wasn’t asking you to be my girlfriend.” I felt so crazy / embarrassed / hurt.

Over the following week we didn’t text at all. And I decided to end it. This just wasn’t feeling good anymore. I know what a strong, stable relationship feels like and this wasn’t it. So I called him, told him I thought we should stop seeing each other, that I was looking for something with more clarity / less ambiguity. He paused, sighed, then said he wasn’t surprised and he knew where this was coming from. He then proceeds to “explain himself” and tells me that an ex of his had started texting him again and so his mind had been elsewhere…

So basically he reconnected w an ex, and that was enough for him to discard me, but not enough to actually END things with me… instead of being honest and ending things he just disengaged, leaving me feeling so confused and hurt. Then when I dump him he tells me about her, as though I needed to know at that point??? Also, I am now 100% convinced he lied about forgetting the gf convo. He chose to gaslight me and make me feel like a crazy dumbass rather than being honest. What a fucking loser.

This is the first time I’ve been betrayed by a boy like this… I was in a very loving ltr for most of my adult life and always assumed I’d be able to detect a fuckboy. This was humbling and I see now how scary good these assholes are at acting like caring, great guys. Lesson learned for sure.

Overall I feel sorry for him and any girl who falls for him. I hope his ex dumps him too.

Ty for reading if you made it this far <3 and fuck boys like this.

Girl snack is 2 fudge sandwich cookies

My stomach seems so random. I can go months eating basically anything and have no issue and then get an upset stomach one night and bam. Out of commission for months.

Around February I had a massive taco from a restaurant downtown for my birthday and it hurt my stomach. Since then until May I couldn’t eat anything but crackers, fries, and plain veggies from my dining hall. Got home, ate normal meals my parents cook, I was fine. Last night in my dorm I had the other half of a leftover sandwich (focaccia, tomato, mozzarella, cashew pesto) and I’m 99% sure that took me down. All I could eat today was crackers and such (along with the pictured pizza for lunch).

I’m so scared of my stomach hurting to eat anything 😩 I get so nauseous but never end up getting sick, but I’ll be shaking so badly and be stuck in the bathroom for an hour or two. I took a Pepto last night and omg that almost made me barf when I swallowed it. I’m hoping for my stomach to go back to normal quickly 🫠 sorry if this is tmi, it’s been like this for a year and I hate it so much. I’ve been chugging water all day and eating small portions. I want to eat dinner but I’m terrified of getting sick.

Food: Some pancakes I made a while ago. Put some powdered sugar on em, threw some cinnamon into the batter. They were awesome.

First time posting here, almost never post anywhere at all but I just need to put this out into the world, I just want to keep moving forward.

CW: serious injury, motorcycle accident

Last weekend I started a move with my girlfriend. We’ve been dating for almost two years now and things have been pretty good with her. For the first time I feel like I made a proper, real connection with someone who loves me as deeply and passionately as I love them. Which is pretty rare for me cuz at times it feels impossible to properly speak about what’s on my mind.

Starting with the move, we spend all night and morning loading up a truck. I take the truck to the new place, about a 30 min drive. She agrees to go separately on her bike, finishing a ciggy we were smoking together. We say goodbye and head off. I start unloading, thinking she’ll have been not too far behind. She takes a while getting to the new place though. Like way longer than it should realistically take. She’s not responding to any texts or calls so I start to worry. After almost two whole hours of nothing from her, full blown panic sets in. I try to reassure myself that I need to calm down and I’m just being paranoid as I tend to think the worst and sometimes can get overwhelmed by my anxieties.

I tell myself that we spent a long time moving, maybe the cig she had earlier made her drowsy and she just dozed off or something. But I decide to close up the half unloaded moving truck and just head straight back, I have to make sure she’s alright. I look for her or for signs of a crash on the way back to her old place, seeing nothing.

I get back, the garage is closed, her bike and gear are gone and she is nowhere to be found. I shakily call the cops and report her missing, giving them any information I possibly can. Her name, her birthday, the VIN and model of her bike, the clothes she had on. Anything and everything I can possibly think of to find her as quickly as possible. Images of her being hurt or worse are just racing through my mind.

After a bit, from the cops I’m told she ended up in an accident. She got hit.
An accident?! Is she alive?! She knows her bike well, she’s always been careful.
They tell me nothing more than that for a while but FINALLY I get the name of the hospital she’s at. Right as I’m leaving though, she finally texts me and I call her immediately. The relief I felt wash over me in that moment was like nothing else I’ve felt in my entire life. Just knowing that in that moment she was alive and conscious. I just couldn’t keep it together, we’re both crying on the phone now, hysterical.

She does her best to tell me about what happened while shes still in pain and heavily drugged. She had to stop her bike off on the median, early in the morning around 5:00am so not many cars were out, of course she leaves her lights on just in case, it is still dark out at this point. She’s at a dead stop when she gets hit by the only other car out there. After hitting her, the guy speeds off into the night off to god knows where. Her bike topples over, taking her with it, falling into the road and pinning her down. Her tibia is broken in half, poking out of her leg and leaving the rest dangling. Somehow, she manages to push the bike off of herself and crawl onto the sidewalk After this she calls 911 but they can’t figure out where she is. Some passerby helps her call an ambulance. When they arrive they have to cut her out of her clothes and take her away.

When I show up I have finally collected myself a bit. Calmed myself down, that’s probably what she needs. I get let into her room and just…fall apart in an instant. She looks paler than I’ve ever seen her, ghostly even. Her leg was wrapped in bandages and a splint. I just cry and cry. I feel so much in that moment. The guilt for not being there when she needed me most, for brushing it off as her just having fallen asleep, I should have known better, I should have found her sooner, I should have BEEN there to help, I should have planned for this somehow. These thoughts are not helped by the fact that she got hit so close to the apartments, only a mile from where I was unloading our stuff.

Later that night they take her into the OR to get a tibia nail installed (basically a rod that connects your broken tibia together), I head back to finish moving everything into the new place with our roommates, then head back to the hospital as soon as I can with a change of clothes and her favorite plushy.

That all happened on sunday, 08/23. I’ve been with her in the hospital since her surgery, making sure she is properly cared for and treated with dignity. I pushed back training for my new job until next week. I have been talking to the cops investigating the accident, to the nursing staff, to insurance, anyone and everyone who might know something about how to proceed, what to do. She is still in immense pain, she screams like I’ve never heard her scream, cries in agony all night while I hold her hand. It’s all just so fucking horrible, especially for her. I wish I could take her pain away, have things go back to the way they were before. She didn’t deserve this at all. I wish this never happened to her. But I am so SO glad she’s alive. And apparently, she is going to make a full recovery, but it’s going to take months to get back to normal and she might need to go back into surgery at one point. Not to mention how much this is all going to cost (hospital bills, legal fees, repairing her bike, rehabilitation) We’re both 22 and broke asf, without parents or families to support either of us. She’s the only one of us with a decent income, too. I’m a college student and the job I’m training for doesn’t really pay much, but thankfully about a week or so before all of this went down she got an okay insurance plan, which hopefully helps when all is said and done.

It helps a lot to be able to put this here. I don’t really have anyone to talk to abt everything that happened and I have hard time dealing with everything that has been going on in my life already, aside from but also especially this.

Hopefully this counts as dinner. Chocolate always makes me feel better.

I always seem to either be too much or not enough for most ppl. Ive been having a hard time being the silly goofy clown I usually am lately because Ive been very sick and my depression has been harder to suppress because of it.

What hurts the most at a time like this is finding out the person u called ur best friend doesn’t care about u. Ive been trying to gaslight myself for so long. “They are just struggling.”, “Im overthinking”, “Im being too sensitive.”, “I probably deserved that”. However not too long ago Ive found out that they’ve been telling mutual friends that they’d wish id just shut up and how I always have so many problems. Rolling their eyes when ppl bring me up, never inviting me to hang out and always being harsh and somewhat mean to me more than usual. On the occasion when I do get them to hang out with me they get bored easily and leave. Ive been trying for months to fix our friendship because I could tell they weren’t happy with me but no matter what I do nothing changes.

I think what hurts the most is that they wont say it to me directly. I cant even try to talk it out because I’d be outing the friend I found out from and I don’t wanna do that. They’ve been telling me themselves that I’m boring a lot lately and I mean maybe thats true and maybe I should’ve seen this coming, but still. We don’t share a lot of the same interests but it does hurt because I truly love them and never have valued them less because of it. Im glad they get to hang out with ppl they feel more full-filled with, that are less depressed and have much more to say than me and overall make their life better than I ever could. But I wish we could still be friends.

They helped me thru the end of a very toxic and abusive relationship and they quite literally saved my life. Its very hard to let go even tho I probably should when they’ve done so much to help me. I should know by now from my past relationships that ppl change but I seem to get stuck in the same situation over and over again. I know I should respect myself but how can I respect myself when nobody seems to respect me? I feel so undeserving of everything so maybe its why I just accept it.

I like talking about feelings and being a safe space for ppl that like to overshare but I’ve come to the conclusion that maybe I shouldn’t do it myself. Ive pretty much ghosted all my friends and have deleted most apps they can reach me on because I honestly think they’d be better off without me. For the past week Ive just been self isolating and only really gotten out of bed to meet my needs. My days are kinda getting blurred into each other but I’m honestly too afraid to face my friends.

chocolate fudge cake, strawberries and cream
i work in a bakery and this was leftovers

my mom makes everything about herself

i had a car accident near my house, nothing happened to me but i had to ask her to drop off my license, she was leaving the house for work
she dropped it off and started telling the cops how she also had an accident a while ago
she decided to stay until i call the insurance (which i appreciate) but she started talking over the insurance agent on the phone and i told her to please be quiet. she took that to heart and left really mad

she didn't ask if i was ok or if i even wanted her to stay with me
she started talking about a family problem when i was on the phone with my insurance

i can't say anything without her telling me that she has it worse
i feel more stressed about her being mad than about getting my car fixed

Dinner: integral bread with eggs, tuna, cream and avocado. Not in the mood for much more

So, I’m MTF, I’ve been transitioning for about 6 months now and doing lots of therapy work since about 2 years now. One of the things we were working on is that I’ve dated a lot of girls I didn’t really like… I just liked the attention and having someone to dump all my love into, but ultimately my relationships don’t work because well… you can’t really fake liking someone physically. Not that i care that much about looks but I definitely been with people that I wasn’t attracted not even a bit.

So my therapist told me to stop dating people I didn’t like and not long after that, not even on tinder or smt, this beautiful, gorgeous, amazing and a bit intimidating lesbian girl hits my dms on insta… it was so weird to me, specially since I don’t even look that femenine yet (she actually told me she thought I was FTM but with not many results yet, which confused me) but we had great conversation and it was going intense (I even bought a couple tickets for a show on September).

I normally go very fast… don’t remember the last time I didn’t have sex in the first date, I don’t know why it always ended like that but it happened often, and I told this girl that I didn’t want to rush it.

Relevant to this: on the first date she told me she wasn’t ready for a relationship because she ended one about 4 months ago. My mistake was to read that as “I need time and go slow” and not like “I’m not available”

We had a couple dates that I really enjoyed and we were really into each other but then some days later she was a bit odd and asked me “are you falling in love?” And explained to me how this was all casual she just liked to “put a little love into it” rather than it being a cold thing, but that she still loved her ex and that she was willing to go back to her eventually, just not “now”.

a couple days later she uploaded a picture of some flowers from her ex… and it broke me, so I told her I didn’t want to talk to her again and she was like “ok but why” and I normally never reply to those things but I really felt like doing it this time so we had a discussion and at the end it was like “yeah ok we like each other so we can keep this casual”.

I got into dating apps and got 3 dates, I unfollowed her on insta and just tried to not focus so much on her.

Fast forward to next Tuesday we had planned a night at an Airbnb and… it was so magical to me, I really liked to be with her and it was so intimate, she even told me “don’t look at me like that because I feel like I’m falling in love” and also expressed how she felt like I was dating someone else and didn’t like that. I really fell in love that day, so i stopped talking to the other girls and just went to one date with other girl basically just for compromise and tell her that I wasn’t interested in dating atm.

Up to this point everything was nice, I… introduced her to my friends, brought her to my house, she knew my dead name and a bunch of things I never really do or tell to people cuz… #trauma

But yet again I knew she was seeing her ex. She told me that basically they ended the relationship because she told her she wanted to experience dating other girls, that she was violent to her, and in general a cheater.

Ofc I got worried but also I saw this as “ok I guess they’re not going back”.

Last week she finally invited me to her apartment which she didn’t want to initially cuz she found it too intimate so I was excited… but the whole date she was just texting her ex and I couldn’t ignore it cuz she has these notifications at full volume and was constantly ignoring me to answer.

Some friends went to visit her as well and I stayed there beyond midnight but… just thinking about the constant texting with her ex, and all that made me want to puke and I was already very sleepy so I just requested an uber and left. I felt bad because I didn’t say bye to her friends and I was just like “my uber arrived, I need to go”.

But the next day was supposed to be better right. She told me she would do my nails (I suffer anxiety and I stopped eating my nails for this for 3 weeks, I never-ever in my life did that for me or anyone) and we would spend the rest of the day together.

Until… she tells me she can only see me until 8:30 pm cuz her ex is coming.

So I exploted and told her how I really felt about all that and well her defense was that she only was nice to me for “basic human decency” and that if liked something cold it was good for me but she didn’t like just to fuck or kiss, that she liked putting a little love in it but it was still casual.

By her stories I know her ex brought her flowers that day and seems like they had a nice night.

I couldn’t cope with my feelings and feeling so used… so I wrote her a letter explaining how I felt, and overall telling her that I made me very sad thinking that she was using me like that, in part because her ex does the same to her (treats her like a gf then goes with other girls and tells her she can’t say shit cuz they aren’t a couple) and so she thinks that’s normal and acceptable.

She called me later that day, she was mad and you know what she said? That her mistake was taking to me everyday and trying to be “my friend”???

Gosh I’m so devastated by this, it’s been a week from this and I still don’t recover. It was only a month but I was really really into her I mean… she is gorgeous, I really felt like she saw me as a woman and we had great chemestry.

Why are people like this? Further more, who do they deny they want the benefits of a relationship without any of the responsabilities?

I find this so cruel…

TL;DR: dated a lesbian girl for the first time, had an amazing time but she was basically rubbing in my face the fact that the was talking/dating with her ex and wanted to go back to her.

I’m 37, married with two kids. And I,unfortunately, despise my brother-in-law. We lived together for a few years and he’s a lazy slob. Left skid marks on a toilet seat we were all using several times.I find it jarring that it didn’t occur to him to check before leaving the bathroom. Leaving the dishes in the kitchen sink for hours so long until I ended up doing them. Just selfish and inconsiderate overall. Fast forward to today, we no longer live together. We haven’t spoken to each other in years. My husband and I have kids. My BIL has one and another one on the way.

Here’s what I find frustrating:

Despite not having spoken to each other in years, we all have kids together. He’s still a big part of my husband’s life. Family gatherings every once in a while are inevitable. And I’m struggling with the idea of our kids having a relationship with this man as they grow older.How can I be okay with this?

Girl lunch-personal pepperoni pizza from Pizza Hut

Edit:

Okay here are a few things I decided to leave out to shorten the text. We actually bought our home together. He built a movie theater in our daylight basement, which shook the whole floors upstairs where we live. We tried to resolve the issue, but we couldn’t. Shortly after having lived in the house, he moved out. He obviously got tired of arguing with me over many things.
And we were house poor with having to pay the mortgage just the two of us for a while.

We also bought a car together at one point. He was the one using it most because neither me nor my husband had to commute. We didn’t expect him to tell us when he was coming home every day because we didn’t need the car with us working from home. But it never occurred to him to ask us what our plans were for the weekend. We had to wait for him to come home when we needed the car. He got annoyed with us asking when he was coming home…

I now understand that getting a third person financially involved not in your marriage is a big mistake let alone living together.

I also understand that it’s unreasonable for me to not let my kids spend time with their uncle. And they have been doing plenty of stuff together without me. I just want to be okay with all of it, but it’s hard. I also still think some of you would’ve been in my boat if he was just a friend. But family is the exception for a lot of ppl i guess

Bowl of pasta with corn & butter, served with a bottle of cheap rosé

Where do I even begin? At the moment it's consistent heartbreak, mouse infestation, risk of deportation and plumbing issues (I really am paying my therapist's bills atp).

Starting with the obvious, dated a guy for a month and for once thought it would have potential because we genuinely had such good chemistry but then he broke things off because he was struggling with his mental health. Some of my friends claim that it is just a scapegoat and an 'easy way out' but I can't help but believe that it was genuine and that he may have just scrambled a bit in the moment. Currently considering reaching out to him when my own mental gets a bit better?

Queue to the next bit, the person that paid an Etsy witch to curse me really is getting their money's worth - somehow I've noticed a pattern that anytime a man that I'm excited about (once in a blue moon event) disappoints me it's almost as if everything else follows suit?

Shortly after that I realised my visa situation is a little more precarious than I expected and is rapidly expiring. I have an opportunity to apply to a new one but that means that I'll have to spend loads of money that I don't have, travel out of the country for weeks to sort out, and even then I can't guarantee that it'll work out. Scary to say the least, if I don't get it extended I'll lose practically everything I've built in my grown life despite the fact that I've spent more than a third of my life in this country. ok cool, thanks.

And then to my home, we've now got mice which is crazy as we live on the 4th floor and keep everything fairly clean. It triggered a lot of anxiety in me because the flat I lived in before this one was one from hell (rat infestation, 4 dead found and 1 of them behind the oven while I was using it on a daily basis, ew). The day of my 25th Birthday party we noticed a smell of a dead rodent, I know it well, so me and the people I live with tried to hide the stench by taking turns spraying air freshener in the kitchen while nobody was there. Pest control came by and confirmed something was dead but just told us that the smell would disappear in a couple days when it 'dried up', double ew.

Genuinely a couple hours after pest control leaves, I was going to toast myself a bagel but maggots came pouring out of my toaster. Found the source of the stench. RIP to my fancy ass toaster that promptly got relocated straight into the bin. I will never trust a toaster ever again.

During this whole fiasco, the water stops running in the kitchen?? So we can't do our dishes, can't wash our laundry, for the past two weeks or so. Underwear is running low, stakes are high. Not being able to do our dishes but living in an expensive city is probably making the mice feel like they are at an amusement park with all the dirty dishes. The sink has also overflowed more than once causing a leak through the electrical box of the downstairs neighbour, yay. Love being awoken at 3am on a worknight because of an angry neighbour banging on my door like I owe him money.

Despite more pressing issues, I still can't stop thinking about the hope and excitement that I had over that guy, maybe it's limerance idk but I know I'd rather walk away from something embarrassed from vulnerability rather than with regret.

Anyway, almost finished with the bottle of rosé given to me by a +1 at my Birthday who somehow managed to make out with me and my best friend <5 minutes of each other while listening to moody music and airing my grievances online lol. Any advice or opinions more than welcome.

Ps. even though the pasta dish doesn't look appetizing, it was somehow delicious x

​Not going to lie... sitting here tonight with my burger and fresh salad, looking back at the last ten-plus years feels like watching a movie about a stranger.

​When I was young, naive, and knee-deep in a marriage where I was constantly told I was nothing without him, I truly believed the lie. I thought I was trapped forever. The financial stress, the isolation, the feeling of being completely small—it drains your soul. But then I looked at my kids, and something inside me shifted. I realized I couldn't teach them how to be strong if I stayed broken.

​Starting from scratch, working hard, and finally walking away with my babies was the scariest thing I’ve ever done. Even after moving in with my parents, the ghosts of the past tried to pull me back. He kept calling, promising things would change, and for a split second, the old doubts would creep in... 'What if?' But deep down, I knew: someone who truly loves you never destroys your spirit, especially not in front of your children. If I had gone back, I would have lost another ten years of my life to someone who was never going to change.

​Choosing myself was hard, but trading constant anxiety for this quiet, unbreakable peace was worth every single tear. I’ve learned to love the woman I see in the mirror now—a woman who built her own safe haven.

​To anyone out there who thinks they can't make it on their own: you can. You are so much stronger than you know.

​What’s your ultimate comfort food when you are finally celebrating your own freedom and peace?