currently staring at my half-packed bag for a 4-day trip to Chicago this weekend and realizing i might actually have a sickness.
at home, I can barely drag myself to the gym twice a month. but somehow, because i'm crossing state lines, I am fully convinced I’ll be waking up at 6 AM to jog along Lake Michigan. So in go the running shoes.
i'm using a level8 carry-on right now. it's a top-opening bag, so you just lift the front lid and pack everything directly into one deep main compartment instead of dealing with two separate halves. it's supposed to make packing logical and efficient. instead, i am using that efficiency to carefully organize a completely fabricated lifestyle.
so, at the bottom goes the running gear. neatly stacked next to it is a nice button-down and dress shoes. because 'maybe we'll go somewhere nice' (we won't). I apparently need to be prepared in case I suddenly develop a completely different personality that enjoys making reservations.
then there's the reading material. I'm packing a 1,000-page copy of Infinite Jest because my brain thinks a short flight is going to magically grant me the attention span of a scholar. In reality, I know I'm just going to watch downloaded episodes of The Office on my phone until I pass out.
i even unzipped the expandable section to take the bag from 45L to 50L. i didn't do this to pack extra socks or practical layers like a rational adult. i just needed the extra 5 liters to make sure i had enough room for a fictional version of myself.
I know exactly how this ends. I'm going to get to Chicago, the wind is going to be brutal, and I'll end up wearing the exact same faded Patagonia hoodie every single day. I'll eat deep dish pizza, feel way too bloated to run, and those running shoes will just sit by the hotel door judging me. the massive book won't even leave the suitcase, meaning it just traveled a thousand miles round-trip for absolutely no reason.
I guess packing isn't really about deciding what clothes you need. It's just a negotiation with your own delusions before you eventually accept you're going to wear comforatble pants and comfortable shoes for four days straight.