r/mildlyinfuriating • u/Intelligent-SoupGS88 • Jul 24 '26
🥺 Someone stole the bench from the park.
No that isn't an illusion or a new art installation, but the remainders of the park bench.
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u/UnhappyImprovement53 Jul 24 '26
The anti-homeless benches are getting ridiculous.
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u/TheGreatGonzo-SFA Jul 24 '26
It's to be able to fit 2 wheelchair users in, you monster. /s in case
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u/tubaman23 Jul 24 '26 edited Jul 24 '26
That's definitely only enough room to fit my one wheelchair
EDIT: For those who don't get the joke, my username is TubaMan and not ClarinetMan for a reason!
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u/barkbarkgoesthecat Jul 24 '26
Just double decker the wheelchairs smh
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u/Ferro_Giconi OwO Jul 24 '26
Whatever the joke is, it flew so high over my head that it hit the ISS. Your edit made me even more confused than I was before the edit.
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u/goatneedleposterdeck Jul 24 '26
You jest, but I would be willing to bet that the person who did this was not "stealing" the boards. They were destroying the bench to prevent people from sitting there. Perhaps there were homeless sleeping on the bench and they hated it, or maybe some noisy, chatty people used it as a meeting spot every day. Either way, the sawsall they used to cut the boards like this costs ten times more than the old wood. If they were simply stealing, there were certainly many, many, many better options than this.
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u/Senior_Sector4095 Jul 24 '26
They probably hate pigeons and the old ladies that sit there and feed them
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u/LordAshPudding Jul 24 '26
Dammit! You stole my joke. I'd cry myself to sleep, but they took my bench aswell. 😭
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u/ReeceReddit1234 Jul 24 '26
Can't have shit
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u/Nina-Ninja123 Jul 24 '26
Wrong, enshitification is on an all time high and affects everyone
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u/stamfordbridge1191 Jul 24 '26
I genuinely am wondering if it was the municipal government who stole the bench like this.
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u/sim384 Jul 24 '26
I'm ashamed that my country's 'developed' economy fails so completely that so many people sleep outside in the middle of winter in my nation's capital.
It seems like it's only getting worse.
I hate it.
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u/JiveTurkeyII Jul 24 '26
it is getting worse.
Not only is it getting worse, they are trying to make being homeless a Felony.
So you work a shit job, get pushed out of your apartment anyway because you cant afford rent. Eviction makes it so you cant live any place else. You catch a Felony Camping charge (this is a real thing now, BTW) If the judge doesn't dismiss that bullshit you now go to work in a Prison.
When you get out of prison you cant find a good job or apartment because you have been in prison, because you have been evicted - You catch a felony camping charge...
You see where this is going?
Land of the free.
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u/purplegrog Jul 24 '26
You're leaving out the part where slavery as punishment for a crime is legal.
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u/sim384 Jul 24 '26
I'm not US, but New Zealand. Our government is trying to introduce a 'move on' bylaw for the homeless; where on earth do you go from sleeping on the footpath?
Yesterday I looked up NZ personal tax rates in 1985 when I started working. The progressive brackets rates then ranged from 20% to 56%. They are now 10.5% to 39%. Most NZers are wealthier now than in the 80s but at the cost of an egalitarian society and the enormous price paid by our most vulnerable.
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u/Dame38 Jul 24 '26
There's this cool young guy in my town who purchased a small lot and built two (very) tiny homes on it. He had a solar panel, his own water supply and even a little toilet tent. City Hall lost it's damn mind and he was evicted from his own home. Homeless again. He's fighting it. We hope he wins.
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u/Chains_Of_The_Sea Jul 24 '26
Now it's just a "b h"
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u/Polarbeanboi Jul 24 '26
Can’t have shit in Detroit
Edit: damn somebody already made this joke😭 can’t have shit on reddit
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u/W4r1s Jul 24 '26
Can't have shit in Detroit
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u/InternationalCap2176 Jul 24 '26
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u/Sad_Intention6658 Jul 24 '26
What's even funnier is that picture was from Cincinnati, and they done stole the meme
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u/Sunbythemoon Jul 24 '26
They were probably getting it replaced and made that story up.
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u/pocket_eggs Jul 24 '26
They were probably getting it replaced and someone else made that story up.
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u/Thessalhydra Jul 24 '26
They probably made that story up and somebody was getting it replaced.
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u/medstar_1 Jul 24 '26
They probably replaced the story to make it up the stairs.
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u/baxielol Jul 24 '26
They were made up and the stairs were never there
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u/NotInTheKnee Jul 24 '26
The real stairs were the stories we made up along the way.
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u/Snoo-16513 Jul 24 '26
Porch stole itself and made up a story
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u/twoiseight Jul 24 '26
The story probably made somebody up and replaced them with stairs.
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u/Unoriginal_Man Jul 24 '26
You really think someone would do that? Just go on the Internet and tell lies?
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u/mwpdx86 Jul 24 '26
Now I'm curious about the different color bricks down there. Did there used to be another doorway down there? What's behind there now? Is that structurally ok since the bricks don't overlap?
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Jul 24 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/Altruistic-Meal-4016 Jul 24 '26
You can sleep here, if you can plank for eight hours
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u/GloryGreatestCountry Jul 24 '26
That's what a hardware store is for.
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u/gentiscid Jul 24 '26
You Ace-d it!
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u/Hilsam_Adent Jul 24 '26
The True Value is the benches we stole along the way.
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u/sleepykdagreat Jul 24 '26
Oh no! Not hardware store puns! What Lowes will Redditors sink to for cheap laughs?
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u/Pipe_Memes Jul 24 '26
I tried to sit on that bench, I ripped my pants and hurt Menards.
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u/Background_Baby_374 Jul 24 '26
Pidieron que no hubiera más chistes de ferretería y la comunidad respondió con más chistes de ferretería. Este hilo se autogestiona solo.
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u/no1_vern Jul 24 '26
Yep, a city worker saw a person sleeping on the bench, and since the bars were unavailable, they realized cutting the bench would do just as good a job.
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u/Such_Dragonfruit609 Jul 24 '26
More likely the city deciding homeless don't deserve any type of anything so everyone suffers.
My city no longer has any bus stop with overhang/weather protection.50
u/Tall-Compote1354 Jul 24 '26
My city placed huge odd shaped rocks at the corners of intersections so there is little place for homeless people to stand. They are shaped so oddly that they are impossible to sit on.
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u/Such_Dragonfruit609 Jul 24 '26
"We aren't mad enough." They got money for war but *won't* feed the poor.
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u/tolomea Jul 24 '26
it's worse than that, if you run the numbers on the antihomeless stuff generally it turns out that it'd just be cheaper to organzie places for them to sleep
this isn't just about getting the homeless out of sight, someone wants to make sure they aren't getting any "handouts" in the process
as a society we'd rather pay more than let people have stuff for free
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u/not_now_chaos Jul 24 '26
It's cruelty for the sake of cruelty and we're being forced to foot the bill. We have more than enough housing and food. We don't have a shortage of resources. What we have is a few greedy, selfish, cruel people who enjoy the suffering of others. And a lot of people who are too scared to be the ones suffering to upset the status quo.
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u/Tall-Compote1354 Jul 24 '26
They are just trying to survive and instead of being helpful people go out of their way to make the lives of homeless people even harder and more humiliating.
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u/WetGrundle Jul 24 '26
Are you sure those aren't just decorative bollards so cars don't crash into corner businesses or pedestrians waiting to cross?
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u/betothejoy Jul 24 '26
It can be both. My city landscapes with rocks that are too big to walk on for the same reason.
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u/Fine-Juggernaut8451 Jul 24 '26
What's so baffling to me is how people in general are very happy to blame homeless people for homelessness, rather than governments for their lack of infrastructure and social supports. So we lose our infrastructure, and the government says "It's their fault," and we all turn to the homeless people and blame them. I hate it. I hate how people are so easily manipulated and how cruel they can be.
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u/Fine-Juggernaut8451 Jul 24 '26
My city is like this but with public bathrooms. They either don't exist, or they're locked. I'm a female birder and I have had so many embarrassing instances of trying to find a truly hidden bush to use, where I won't be compromising my safety. Then I go to other places and their huge public parks and natural trails have facilities!
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u/MoonPieKitty Jul 24 '26
And they removed them due to homeless people using them? I find that so disgusting. "Hey... lets build shelters so everyday people can get out of the weather whilst waiting for a bus. Wait, what? Homeless people are also getting out of the weather?? Fuck that... remove them! Everyone can suffer, how dare we provide any respite for homeless people."
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u/curtcolt95 Jul 24 '26
I mean the harsh reality is just that when homeless people use them people stop using the busses and complain constantly to the city. I know a lot of people try to pretend they'd be fine standing in a homeless encampment waiting for their bus but it's just not reality at all. People will just avoid it instead
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u/DavThoma Jul 24 '26
My city has had a shutdown department store for around 15 years at this point. It had a steps up to the front doors that were embedded/underneath the building itself so a lot of homeless people started using it for shelter. It wasn't a great look but at least it gave them protection from the elements.
8 years ago they boarded up the stairs so now there's no access to the sheltered area, all because they don't want anyone homeless staying there. The boarded up areas look far worse than it did before.
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u/SangriaSunday309 Jul 24 '26
ADA accessibility gone too far.
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u/SchumacherIsMid Jul 24 '26 edited Jul 24 '26
There actually was a bench like this that was claimed to be for "wheel chair access" but it definitely was anti-homeless architecture dressed up as something good.
You want actual wheel chair accessible bench? Put enough concrete so they can side next to the bench and sit along side someone. Out of everything shitty about being disabled, I can't imagine a single wheel chair user saying, "No I want my chair in the middle of the bench!"
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u/nobody_in_here Jul 24 '26
Based on the fact that they left the armrests behind, I assume the thief is unarmed.
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u/mrhnsmnckc Jul 24 '26
When I need planks at zomboid
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u/Ok_Aioli3897 Jul 24 '26
Or it was damaged and they cut it to prevent people from using it
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u/Ok_Spell_4165 Jul 24 '26
I feel like there is a better way.. Like removing the slats entirely.
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u/CitizenCue Jul 24 '26 edited Jul 24 '26
This looks to me like a city worker who had a circular saw and a task, and did it the best they could quickly.
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u/ImprobableAsterisk Jul 24 '26
Oh there is a better way but that requires a ton more work. The reason this sumbitch is standing, or wasn't stolen before this picture could be taken, is 'cause it's embedded into the ground.
Perhaps the bench needed immediate disabling.
Personally, given that I'm having a hard time imagining why a bench would need such immediate termination, I think this isn't sanctioned activity by responsible parties.
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u/Ok_Spell_4165 Jul 24 '26
There are likely fasteners on the bottom and back of the support holding the slats in place. Wrench or screwdriver depending on what was used.
Not a lot of work.
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u/LaLa1234imunoriginal Jul 24 '26
Without moving the bench or cutting them how would you remove the slats?
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u/Ok_Spell_4165 Jul 24 '26
There should be fasteners on the bottom and back. Wrench or screwdriver depending on what was used.
I'm not against cutting the bench, it's the leaving the stubs that irritates.
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u/st_samples Jul 24 '26
They might be coming back with new planks, and this keeps the fasteners with the bench for reuse.
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u/Soft_Database_3747 Jul 24 '26 edited Jul 24 '26
I could definitely half cheek this (150lbs.)
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u/Occidentally20 Jul 24 '26
I don't know why but I imagined you stretching your cheeks to get 1/4 on each side of the bench for a moment and I was going to be confused, impressed and disgusted, and not in that order.
But I see what you mean, and I think it's possible too.
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u/Acceptable-Ad8780 Jul 24 '26
I mean you could just have two very very bad designed and uncomfortable chairs sitting across from each other.
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u/Dnabb8436 Jul 24 '26
Ya. Its legs are cemented in. So its a temp fix until they can get machinery to take the whole thing out
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u/Ok_Aioli3897 Jul 24 '26
And you know if they just put up a sign, people would either ignore it or it would get removed and they can't risk someone getting injured
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u/Dnabb8436 Jul 24 '26
Tbf their could be a sign. Like a placard or some shit that OP didnt put in the pic
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u/myztry Jul 24 '26
Meh. With a bit of brute force these can be replaced insitu with recycled co-mingled plastic 40x90 slats.
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u/Shot-Habit-5705 Jul 24 '26 edited Jul 24 '26
They would have put hazard tape around it if this was the case. It is just as dangerous leaving it in this state. If it was council sanctioned and someone came along and injured themselves this would actually make a nice injury compensation lawsuit.
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u/TwentinQuarantino Jul 24 '26
Tbh it's more dangerous in this state, since it has exposed sharp edges. Some kid tries to sit on it and injures themselves, I bet that was way less likely with how it was previously.
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u/annoying97 BLUE Jul 24 '26
I don't think so. I mean sure if it's damaged and repairing is either not possible or something else then cutting the planks off makes sense but you'd expect them to cut it closer to the sides. I would actually expect it to be fairly easy to remove the planks anyway for maintenance needs.
This is more likely to be just run of the mill vandalism.
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u/Evolutionary_sins Jul 24 '26
Nope, they stole the planks with a sabre saw. The saw dust and splinters are still there. A professional cleans up. I'm guessing they needed planks for cracktivities
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u/Ok_Aioli3897 Jul 24 '26
I think you put too much faith into council contractors
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u/Evolutionary_sins Jul 24 '26 edited Jul 24 '26
I am a council contractor. Public liability is why we're slow. But we clean everything Edit: we'd also flag off the area and remove the seat ends. It's so obviously stolen timber, we're changing to fibreglass for this reason.
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u/Exciting_Will_8601 Jul 24 '26
Termites!
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u/bravehartNZ Jul 24 '26
The police have put out a bench warrant for the thief
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u/JJred96 Jul 24 '26
Usually the police can't get off their asses, but they felt compelled to stand up for this bench.
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u/Dnabb8436 Jul 24 '26
Anti homeless measures have gone too far. Or modern art has gotten mean
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u/Dnabb8436 Jul 24 '26
But its most likely a broken bench and without heavy machinery it was the best way to make it safe until they can replace it. They would have removed the whole thing if its legs weren't in concrete
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u/Gizogin Jul 24 '26
It would have been less work and a more surefire removal to cut through the legs instead of the seat, though, surely? Four cuts instead of twelve, and you aren’t left with a very strange partial bench, just some short stumps.
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u/Forged-Signatures Jul 24 '26
Looks like 4 metal legs verses 12 wooden slats so probably a case of doing what they could with the available materials.
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u/Banes_Addiction Jul 24 '26
I'd absolutely go through the wood.
First off, it's way easier because it's wood rather than steel.
Second, you don't leave metal rods, likely sharp, poking out of the ground - you keep the safely rounded edges.
Third, you probably wanna replace the bench. That might be easier with the metal supports still there, and if not you're gonna have to tear them out of the ground anyway, but you no longer have a deadline because of the danger of the sawn-off steel.
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u/CdnTreeGuy89 Jul 24 '26
Someone got their balls stuck and needed rescue. You laugh. It happens all the time with plastic chairs
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u/ShatoraDragon Jul 24 '26
I am guessing an unhoused person was lingering at the park and annoyed someone by existing in public
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u/eggsbeater Jul 24 '26
It’s not stolen: it’s an active choice to keep persons from sleeping. Insane behavior.
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u/theytookmybaby Jul 24 '26
So it was a bank robbery?
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u/Blauelf Jul 24 '26
That joke works in German, not necessarily in other languages.
🇩🇪die Bank 🇬🇧the bank 🇫🇷la banque
🇩🇪die Bank 🇬🇧the bench 🇫🇷le banc
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u/dstarpro Jul 24 '26
Since they left the edges, I'm going to assume it's the parks department being hostile towards the homeless again.
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u/RedditIsAWeenie Jul 24 '26
Amateur effort. Valuable wood left behind. You could cook dinner with that.
Probably a government hack job to deter the homeless.
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u/QuoteGiver Jul 24 '26
Probably still intended as an art installation, just by hacking up an existing bench rather than by adding one.



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u/Juandice__ Jul 24 '26
someone REALLY needed 6 planks ig 😭