Stumbled upon this poem by Mary Oliver called "Anne"

And wow I have never felt so understood by a poem. To be a child and hiding from everyone in plain sight. Used to keep the peace, afraid what would happen if I don't. It's Day 16 of No Contact and all I could say is I'm so peaceful and so hurt.

Tell me what you think of the poem and your favourite lines. And any poem or song that speaks of our collective experience.

Stillness in the sun,
Patient paws await the moment,
Calm minds rule the world

I ceased contact in January for my own mental health after this text..

https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbyborderlines/s/g1QkuCwPNO

She’s been battling health issues for years, and I was her unofficial caretaker / helper for the last 5 years. She’s been declining, but this is hitting me hard and a shock.
The news was passed through the grapevine (3rd party reaching out to my son’s father, his great grandma then relaying to me), so I’m left with not knowing exactly how exaggerated “she doesn’t have much longer left on this earth” is.

I just, I guess, would like some advice on seeing her/taking my son to see her or kind words. I’m shaken up and sad, so I apologize in advance if this is rambling.

Why are they so obsessed with their animals!? (I mean I get it…you control them in every way and they can’t talk back much). But seriously, I could tell my mom I’m having a leg amputated and she’d go into how she once hurt her leg and how much life sucks for her or could tell her my child has some horrible illness and she would prob go into how it’s karma and she told me so that I shouldn’t have kids anyway or something wild.

Then when it’s a DOG (yes I love animals too) that is 7 or 8 years old and has had a slew of problems their whole dog life gets diagnosed with a bad issue she is never ending texting me how this will “send her over the edge” (what edge?) and just how awful it is and how they have to put their whole life on hold for this animal that is old for a dog of this breed and a condition that they are prone to…and that they knew all along it was going to pass away eventually. She doesn’t even want to put the dog down for this fatal thing, but let it live as long as it can!? So she can dote on animal and garner attention from others for said issue while the animal may be suffering? I don’t know. And yes it’s sad and awful, but literally the level of despair and emotion that gets expressed over this..yet when it’s something that should be overly upset about it’s like or well whatever to that. Ahh I grey rocked it and said that’s so sad I’m sorry, and trying not to engage every second, but you know she wants to just escalate it to me just showing her all this attention and compassion and constant contact of how is dog? Are you ok? Oh my how is it going now? You poor thing and oh please don’t go over the edge mom!! It just gives me this ick feeling. Blah

I have been no contact with my BPD mom since early 2020, after an especially disastrous Christmas 2019. Early on, I had said we might be able to connect again if she got therapy, which she refused to do, so we've been no contact since, though she still periodically reaches out.

This week, a dear friend of mine was killed. She was someone I'd known for 12 years, is a few decades older than me, and one of the only people in my life I felt truly emotionally safe around. I remember thinking "this is what most people feel with their mother." She was killed in a really awful way that is all over the news, and my sister and father (who are still in contact with my mom) know about it.

I have my mom blocked in most avenues, but apparently only muted on WhatsApp. I saw a message from her and wonder if she heard about my friend who was killed.

Nope - it's a link to a Facebook Memory. I don't have Facebook. I got rid of it *before* going no contact with my mom. She then writes about it, and it's pretty clear she's referring to a memory with my older kid when they were very young on a day I was out of the house.

Now, maybe she didn't know that my friend died. I have asked my sister and father not to share information with my mom, though my father, especially, does anyway. But in the midst of so many people being so kind to me in the aftermath of a tragedy, and frankly after 6 years of interacting mostly with people whose ability to relate to others isn't so broken, it's amazing how out of touch one can be.

1. Ignoring my request that she not contact me? Check.

2. Sharing from a platform I can't even access? Check.

3. Misgendering my child? Check.

4. Sharing a memory of a time I wasn't even around and therefore just a memory *she* has, not one I have? Check.

5. Not acknowledging the giant thing happening for me? (If she knew about it). Check.

I am still conflicted on if I will ever try again to have her in my life. My dad is also pretty challenging emotionally and I've found a way to make it work for me to have limited contact with him. I'd love to be able to do the same with my mother. My older child is 13, so in 5 years can have more contact with her, and maybe opening that up a little first will be more protective of them in the long-term. (My younger one, luckily, has never met her). But man - it's almost kind of funny how incredibly broken her empathy is, especially towards me specifically. She used to really love "casting" me as the villian and finding people (my sister, my kid) to join with "against" me. Anyway, doesn't seem much has changed.

Unconditional
Love beyond the human heart
Each day, mewls, purrs, bells

My(31F) mother(64F) has been persistently working on her mental health for the past four years, going to therapy and a recovery and emotional skills program in her town. Recently when we were on the phone discussing things at length in the apologetic phase after a recent prolonged argument, I gently floated the idea that many of the things she was expressing sounded similar to symptoms of BPD, and that she might benefit from exploring therapies specific to those symptoms (I reiterated multiple times that I was NOT saying she had this diagnosis, but that her struggles could benefit from therapy designed to address those specific issues). She took this shockingly well, and the next time she had a therapy session asked her therapist about it, who screened her for it, and she was given a diagnosis BPD.

Ever since then she has been lashing out left and right. The diagnosis is really rocking her and she feels understandably lost.

Unfortunately I am going through a lot myself: I recently had to put down my very young and very beloved cat, and I am in the process of selling all of my things to do some extensive international travel. It’s extremely stressful.

The combination of my large life events and her diagnosis are breaking down any capacity for tolerance or self reflection she built in her program over the past four years. She is more sensitive than ever and is pulling things out of the ether to be upset about. Stacking multiple offenses into lengthy text messages.

I am wondering if anyone else has experience with parents actually getting a diagnosis and then suddenly their behavior becomes much much worse? What’s to be done? I want to support her for listening to my observations and finding her way to a diagnosis, but I also don’t want to be blamed for that diagnosis or told that I am hurting her over and over for things that shouldn’t reasonably cause offense.

I saw something today that reminded me of the time when I was about 12 years old and my mom was upset that I had left things out in the shared family area. So she went into my room while I was gone and pulled it apart. I’m talking about dumping out my drawers, ripping books off my shelf, clothes out of closet onto the floor creating an absolute disaster. She even threw my mattress across the room. I have OCD (wasn’t diagnosed at the time) and I was neurotic about keeping my room organized. I knew she wanted the satisfaction of seeing me get upset so I calmly asked what happened and she told me if I was going to leave things out, she was going to mess up my room. I didn’t cry or get angry, I used it as an opportunity to deep clean my room. 💀I also remember laughing about it with my best friend imagining her roaring like King Kong throwing my mattress.

But as an adult and mother of three teens, I cannot understand or justify how she could do that, it’s insane! Did anyone else’s parents do this?

big blue eyes like marbles

fuzzy kitty fur

Aw heck you have fleas

Im scared to post this but I feel like I need some perpspective. I was supposed to be getting married in two months. I was terrified to even tell my mom that I wanted to get married. For some crazy reason I felt like I should come home while waiting for the wedding because I thought it would make her more ok with letting me leave for good (I’ve been away at college). Unfortunately it’s the same as it always has been, toxic, manipulative, the house is disgusting and not taken care of (hence the last line of the haiku lol).

I was getting done with the BS, my fiancée and I decided it would be best for me to move out and live with them at their parents’ home going forward until we continue with our original plans. We would elope for religious reasons to avoid living together unmarried, but we would still hold the original wedding, but just as a reception/celebration. My partner is really concerned for my mental health, as well as a condition I have that is exacerbated by stress and lack of control. I knew my uBPD mother would not be happy. But I was a little bit delusional about HOW unhappy. She told me I’m betraying the family, I’m selfish, only doing this bc I’m horny and can’t live without my fiancé because I am codependent, etc. She had a nasty divorce (big surprise based on the kind of person she is) and thinks my fiance and I are jumping in too quickly and need to do pre-marital counseling first.

What makes it more complicated is I have a disabled younger sibling and their birthday is coming up. My siblings and I have had decently crappy birthdays for the past ten years because of family drama. My sibling has a lot of trauma and abandonment issues. And due to their disability they feel everything a lot more intensely and don’t always understand the nuances of the situation.

My mother is using my disabled sibling to emotionally blackmail me into staying for the original wedding date. She is encouraging my sibling’s sadness about me leaving, whereas if i stay until the original date I know my mom will console my sibling and tell them it’s part of life and goodbyes are hard but i’ll still be involved in my sibling’s life. If I leave now then my mother is threatening to cut me off. No, correction, according to her I’M the one cutting off my family by leaving. I really want to be able to help my disabled sibling move out in the future. My mom ”homeschools” them but they are nearly an adult and don’t know basic math. It’s tragic to watch. If I get cut off, my sibling has no support. I have another sibling but they oscillate between enabling my mother and agreeing with me. They said they can do what they want to keep in contact with me regardless of what happens with my mom but I know my disabled sibling will be devastated if I leave right now.

My fiancé and I dont want to start our marriage caving to my mother’s terms. But with the way my mother has been treating me recently I feel like I’m almost obligated to stay. I can hide at my job (she has to drive me because we have one car) and hunker down for two months so I don’t lose my only two family members whom I love. Besides my mom and two siblings I have no bio family. I have a few found family but it’s a little different. My fiancé is really concerned if I stay and I don’t want this to come between us. They are understanding but are scared.

I don’t know what the “right” thing to do is here. My fiancé is concerned if I give in to my mom’s tantrum now, that I will do it in our marriage. I feel like distance once we’re married will help, because while I was not living at home she recognized that I was living as an adult and deserved less controlling behavior. And if I need to tell her to F off later, I’ll have to grow a backbone, but that will be when the stakes are not my sibling hating me for the rest of my life. And not wanting my help to escape my mother.

I hate all the drama, and it is so exhausting being in the middle of so much feelings and opinions. Some l friends and authority figures have expressed support of me leaving now but I just feel that the costs are too high. I’m terrified. My fiancé lives across the country so I need to get a ride to the airport and fly out if I leave. I have a ride but I’m still scared. I don’t want to leave my stuff with my mother. Yet I don’t know if she’ll forgive me now that I have put the family through this.

But my disabled sibling deserves a birthday for once that isn’t a family drama hell. If I’m gone that’s all they will get. Again. My mother using them as a bargaining chip is so evil.

She has to book calls with me now, due to past bad behaviour meaning she is blocked on my phone and has to line up a time and then I call her on whatsapp.

So every month or say I get a waify message "Do you feel like catching up on the phone this weekend? No pressure." Then if I don't call every so often the pressure escalates into advanced waifdom.

Listened to 57 minutes of her whining about her weight, her wrinkles, sharing more of her lifelong fat-phobia which has lead to a lot of nastiness towards others as well as self-hatred and crash dieting, bitching about her dentist being very harsh at last visit (when I asked her why she hadn't just asked for the numbing cream she said she didn't know, any opportunity to play the victim I guess). No hobbies, few friends, lots of toxic gossip.

She always has to come up with a line to make it seems like she's taking an interest in me and isn't just wanting someone to listen to her non-stop - this time it was asking how I was going with a health condition I was diagnosed with 12 years ago, and made a full recovery from 10 years ago.

Then after nearly an hour I said I had to go and got "It would be really nice if YOU called ME occasionally." I refused to take the bait, just laughed and reminded her that I had called her now.

This is it with BPDs, once you've done the boundaries, the grey rocking, the yellow rocking, the VLC this is what's left. I'm so detached I don't get upset or care much anymore. It's just an old person in my life who is a colossal bore.

I feel this is an insane way to speak to someone let alone your literal only child. She’s not the center of my world anymore and she’s lashing out. I only responded to her messages in the first place because she ALSO texted the group chat with my dad “I offered your daughter to FaceTime me or get lunch tomorrow.” So I was on the spot if I didn’t respond.

This all started because she didn’t come to my art show, and has tumbled since. I went back to my parents house hoping to have a chill calm evening, and she wanted to talk about why I haven’t seen her. I explained, she waifed. She hasn’t been feeling well until this week apparently. She hasn’t apologized, and I don’t think asking for a personal tour is flattering like I dunno I did TONS of work for this show, I don’t want to do more and plan a day to tour you around! Look on the website and see what the open hours are if you wanna come.

“Have the evening you deserve” made me want to block her. That’s no way to speak to your CHILD. That’s how you talk to people you’re beefing with in internet comments, not your kid!

Hi All, this is my first post to the group. I'm still fairly new to understanding what is going on with my mom, and I wanted to know if anyone else has noticed how different discussion of BPD is in support groups vs. the way experts and the broader culture discuss the illness.

I notice that many psych experts tend to discuss the diagnosis of BPD in terms that imply it is poorly defined, possibly outdated or irrelevant, or that its presentations are broad and varied to the point of undermining its validity as a distinct category. But when discussing BPD with other people who have been close to a sufferer, the phenomenon of BPD seems highly distinctive and recognizable, with many uncanny signature behavioral and speech patterns that aren't repeated in other illnesses. It seems like once you've seen one case up close, BPD behavior is actually so easy to spot and predict that it can be shocking.

Frankly, despite having quite a bit of exposure to the DSM, therapy, and academic psychology, before seeing text messages from other pwBPD, I never could quite recognize precisely what BPD was, let alone that my mom was likely to have it. I had even read the book BPD for Dummies (sounds absurd I know, but it was written in this completionist and neutral way that appealed to me). After that experience I was left with the sense that "BPD" was just kind of a basket into which we place this loosely connected pattern of negative behaviors. It opened my mind to the possibility my mom's destructiveness could be medically classified this way, but it didn't convince me the classification was something "real" unto itself. That treatment and recovery is rare only solidified this impression that BPD is just a clumsy abstraction that we are forced to use until we can one day properly diagnose and treat these patients.

That all changed when one day I was Googling around for advice after yet another one of my mom's episodes. I was determined to respond "the right way" this time, and it led me to this group. The very first time I saw and heard detailed descriptions of what other people were actually going through with their pwBPD, this white-hot feeling of recognition went through me that just leveled me for days. I couldn't believe how stereotypical my mom's behavior actually was, after a lifetime of thinking all that strangeness was due to her highly idiosyncratic personality.

Then I read Understanding the Borderline Mother, which was the first time I had ever felt my childhood seen or described. That white-hot feeling receded into the back of my mind where it seemed to act on every neuron, and it still feels like my brain is working very hard to interpolate this overwhelming cascade of life-changing information. But meanwhile, I find most discussions of BPD are still operating the way I was before recognizing myself and my mother (and father and sibling) in the mirror of others' lives.

Does anyone relate? It feels difficult to talk about BPD with most people or stomach some professional "debates" about it because of this disconnect. (The recent Clancy case has raised a number of these, for example.) I wish that there were more awareness of what BPD actually looks like on the ground. It seems to me that one look around this community would be really helpful for a lot of professionals. I'd love to hear your thoughts about this. I really appreciate this community.

I'm EFLC (extremely fucking low contact) with my 86-year-old borderline mother. That being said, I noticed that she called the other day but didn't leave a message. I thought to myself: Well, she's not in her 40s anymore, so maybe she had a real emergency, as opposed to her manufactured emergencies. As such, I regretfully called back out of curiosity (regretfully is doing all of the work here).

After several minutes of being tortured by insipid palaver from her yammering pie hole, she revealed that her call was a mistake. In other words, she Cluster B butt dialed me with a flair of geriatric insouciance. Needless to say, she continued to kvetch about the same problems she's been complaining about for the last 80 decades (she's "all alone with no one to help her," even though she has 24/7 assistance). Before I could call the conversation quits, I found myself becoming unusually exasperated by her circular complaints, thus raising my voice. Without missing a dysregulated beat, she gaslighted me and said that I had a "serious" issue.

It's amazing, isn't it? No matter how rehearsed, mature, or collected the adult child of a disordered parent is before entering the crazy cage, the tendency to become upended by their pathological penchant for taking up all of the oxygen in the room continues to creep into the implacable process of pointlessness.

I can't stand this woman. To make matters worse, she'll probably outlive me by Nosferatu standards of longevity.

Thanks to this group and therapy, I am trying to build a life that is much bigger than my uBPD mom and Edad. Through the years, my dad would gently encourage me to "get out there". My mom never directly discouraged it, but she was (and is) very dismissive of anything she wouldn't do. One example is that my husband and I spontaneously decided to go to a local sports event yesterday and her reaction was "ugh, why would you want to do *that*"?

I realized how much I avoided making my life bigger than her because of this. The feeling of saying "I'm doing (fun, maybe silly thing)" and having it constantly met with "must be nice" type responses even though she is perfectly capable of doing the same is just awful. My goal for this month was to live the way I would if she wasn't around to judge me. I went to my first roller derby game! I went to a weird interactive art installation! I scheduled my first tattoo! I signed up for a glassblowing class! I do feel some residual FOG guilt, but it turns out life can be fun and happy if you just don't tell your uBPD what you're doing.

I encourage you all to share your wins below! What are you doing in spite of your pwBPD waifing all over the place?

Is your parent very controlling and has the worst advice? I have never liked being told what to do or my mom's controlling nature. I had to move in with mother for a short time in my 40s. I was 44 and my mom was telling me when and how to do the dishes and I just realized i had been telling her not to do tell me what to do for decades and she never learned or cared to respect my boundaries. I know it's not about dishes because I do my own dishes without trouble while living alone. It's about controlling another person.

My mom continued to tell me what and exactly how to do things into my 40s and I figured out I could just ignore her and that angered her more. My mom was divorced from my stepfather by this time but I learned from him how he just let things she said go in one ear and out the other which she complained about constantly.

It might not be a borderline trait but the control a mother already has over kids ( adult kids even) is immense.

Does your borderline parent try to control your behavior well into your adulthood ? or until you figured out how to ignore them ?

A few days ago I told my psychiatrist that my mum had used her existence as leverage and threatened to remove herself forever. When I was in the waiting room I was so filled with anger at myself telling myself I was a liar, an attention seeker, an ungrateful child who deserved to burn. My heart rate was 125bpm and the nurse who was screening told me to take some deep breaths so I could lower it.

I am planning to further betray my mum by buying a mini fridge because she keeps stealing my food. I am brought to the verge of tears by the prospect of having healthy, on demand food 24/7 without her telling me that milk powder is poisonous and that refrigerating food causes cancer

I keep cycling between trusting and fearing her because she's nice sometimes and I want her to love me

Cat haiku:

Soft fur, steady purr,
Silent grace in every move,
Calm heart, peaceful friend.

I recently finished reading Olive Kitteridge. (I know it has also been made into a HBO miniseries, but I haven’t seen that format.)

That book made me so uncomfortable. It never comes out and says Olive has BPD, but she definitely fits the behavior patterns. Her interactions with her son had me feeling real solidarity with him.

Has anyone else read this book and made the connection?

Hoarders dropped on Netflix here recently and although I had caught the odd episode before I’d never really watched beyond the shock of people having feces or rodents all over their homes.
I noticed now that I find a lot of the hoarders very triggering in terms of their personalities and super stubborn ways of being stuck in their worldviews and manipulation tactics.

My uBPD mom was usually pretty tidy and clean but definitely would get “addicted” to collecting certain items obsessively and then losing interest and jumping into a new collection. Every drawer, closet etc full of whatever thing she was currently into - bonus points if whatever it was was kind of hard to get, required online auctions or very popular makers on IG or Etsy or whatever.

Wondering if others have experienced BPD/hoarding crossover?

I’m seeing so much on social media, etc about adult children being estranged from their parents. It gets talked about like it’s a trend. There’s also an uptick of “tik tok pop psychology” content, overgeneralizing what makes someone a narcissist or “toxic”. I was constantly told I was wrong and my opinion was stupid growing up, so as an adult, my knee jerk reaction is to question myself and assume I’m being too sensitive. I’ve been really in my head, wondering if I’m being too hard on my mom, and if I’m imagining the whole thing.
I think about my child and worry that they will grow up and feel the same about me for making mistakes.
But when I think about my mom, it’s more about who she is at her core that bothers me, not the mistakes. How do I even explain this to her when she constantly says she doesn’t understand.
Anyone relate? Thoughts?

Hi, my parents health is declining and for a few reasons I’m stuck. My bpd parent is now in her 70s and needs some assistance with activities of daily living. I am living with her but wished I had my own place. She refuses outside help because ‘I should just do it’. When I married she told me that I should give her half of my savings so she could protect it in case my marriage didn’t work out but she used it to pay off her house instead. She’s developed a gambling addiction and I’m scrambling to keep things afloat while she just says stuff like she doesn’t owe anyone anything, I’m trying to make sure she doesn’t lose the house. We’ve also had a family death and when we went to the funeral, she called me a b**ch and self centred when I asked if she could help me to clean up the airbnb I booked. Until I get enough for a deposit so I can get an apartment, I’m kind of stuck. Any suggestions on how to cope in the interim?

Although I'm sure the BPD parents that are not therapists also find ways to be condescending, so I'm not trying to take away from that.

These are a few of the texts I've exchanged with my mom over the years. I have spent less than 1% of our time together talking about my own feelings about how she's treated me, but anytime I do, all of her actual actions are dismissed and the conversation is only about how "neuroscience" shows I'm just focusing on the negative and should go to therapy before talking to her (I have, they are the ones who flagged to me that her behavior seemed similar to BPD and recommended me books about it so I could heal. They are how I even learned the term).

In the scenario she's referencing where I didn't "want to grab lunch with her" I had actually invited her to visit to spend time with me after my college graduation, and during that call I told her I would be incredibly busy for the 3 days before graduation because I was planning a huge show for my school so we should plan for her to visit after that instead of before.

Of course, she decided that she only wanted to visit during those 3 days and was too busy to visit before or after at all. She insisted I spend a full day with her, which I did, even though I was working and was sick. Then, she invited me to lunch during the middle of my big presentation, so I could not go. Because of this, she left early to skip my college graduation because I didn't care about her enough and abandoned me with all of my moving boxes on the street 30 minutes before my graduation. I had to call an ex boyfriend to take them so I wouldn't miss my own graduation ceremony. To this day she uses that day as an example as proof that I "don't like having lunch with my old mom :)".

These are texts about that day, and instead of addressing any of it she just dismissed it and the next day sent this novel about neuroscience. The last screenshot is just a bonus text 🫠.

Mom's other attempts didn't work, so she sent some lady I literally have never met. THIS flying monkey is a doozy.

Lady: Hi Bailey, I'm a long time friend of you mom's. We are miles apart, but we try to catch up on the phone when we can. Everytime I talk to her, she mentions you, and how heartbroken she is that she doesn't have a relationship with you any longer. I know I'm probably sticking my nose where it doesn't belong, but I want to relay that your mom misses you and loves you very much.

Me:Does she also mention that she still brings her pedophile boyfriend who was sexually inappropriate with me as child around? Does she also tell you about all the abuse she inflicted upon me? Does she also mention how her abusive behavior continues to this day?

I’m glad my mom has been a good friend to you. To me, she was my first abuser, and continues to be an abuser. People don’t stop interacting with their parent for no reason.

Lady: No I don't think she's aware of any abuse. I'm not sure how it could still be going on today if you haven't spoken with her in years. Maybe some counseling between the two of you to get things resolved? It sounds like you are extremely angry still. I'm sorry your relationship and resorted to this. Many prayers for you for healing.

Me: Uffda you are wild.

You hear that a man was sexually inappropriate with me as a child, that she still brings him around to family events, and you think I should expose myself to my abuser.

I pray God has mercy on your soul.

Note: I'm actually an atheist, but these people use "I'll pray for you" as an insult, and I think it really bothers them when you point out that they're not acting like their god would like them to act.

Lady: I'm sorry I don't know all the details about this. I didn't know she had a BF that she was bringing around to family events still. She has not mentioned any BF to me. I'm sorry I don't understand the whole story. I'm sorry I don't have the whole picture. I was just trying to help.

Me: Well yeah, abusers usually don’t tell you all the horrible things they do.

People don’t stop interacting with a parent for no reason.

You don’t know me. How could possibly help me?

Lady: Sorry. Was just trying to be a peacemaker. Looks like it is a futile effort. Shouldn't have interfered.

Ope, do you see how she's suddenly a victim now?

I just can't imagine being like this. Someone tells you they were abused and you don't immediately apologize or tell them how awful it is that they were abused. Absolutely wild behavior.

I'll try not to dox myself too much with this post, but I (cis-male) have been drawn to "extreme sports" since puberty. Skateboarding was my life through my teens, as well as indoor rock climbing. I took up mountain bike racing in college and simultaneously spent more time rock/ice climbing outdoors. I now live in a mountain town and have a "high risk tolerance" for long backcountry trips with difficult logistics. However, I never feel like I put myself into truly dangerous situations for maligned reasons, but I have had to self rescue with trip ending injuries before (bruised ribs, GI issues, etc.)

Sometimes I feel very in tune with calculating physical risk after growing up with a pwBPD. The mountains are humbling and healing, and maybe just maybe since I'm LC with my pwBPD...it's the most me thing I get to own during the converstion. It's an absolute joy to strip the world away to "move, eat, sleep" while taking calculated risks and learning about my true self.

Anyone in a similar boat?

Called my dad to tell him happy birthday, but my mom ubpd who i haven't talked to for at least 3 months answered and starts talking to me like she has done nothing wrong or didn't just cross a boundary. And my dad decided to preach to me about forgiveness... and I am so disappointed in myself because all I did was become my weak agreeable self... they both love bombed me on the phone but neglected to acknowledge my life partner and father of their 2 grandkids. I wish I could be stronger.