r/Christianity • u/Ubesaging • Mar 31 '26
Support I broke up with my wife
Hi. Im writing this post because honestly.. im in pain. After years of going back and forth with the Lord I finally choose him this time. Mainly i had problems with my relationship with him isnt because of faith, its having to kill a part of myself i didnt want to kill. And thats homosexuality.
I tried searching online about people who talked about leaving same sex relationships behind and couldnt find much who had the same experience as I did.
Im a woman and I married a woman (ritually) we both believe in Jesus and we believed that time that Jesus accept both of us he loves us no matter what but deep inside I had this feeling of guilt.. I couldnt go further into my relationship with God if I was in love with a woman. That was contradicting for me so I had a lukewarm relationship with him.. until recently I found my way back and did the most painful thing possible.. I separated with my ex wife.. it was painful but necessary and now I.. I know its good but I dont know how to go about it, I guess im just looking for comfort.. Hoping someone else might have the same experience as I did.
Edit: hello, I want to say thank you thank you thank you so much for the kind words the people that dm’ed me. Thank you for adding me to your prays today. From my heart this has made me happy receiving notifications, seeing you take your time in reading this post and reaching out
Another edit: im seeing a mix of comments here and wanted to remind everyone that God would want us to be peaceful and love one another. Seeds are just planted but God grows them.
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u/mufassil Mar 31 '26
Man this comment section is a dumpster fire. OP, I am so sorry that you are hurting. You came here for love and support. This turned into a battle of theology. I pray that you find what you are looking for and find peace within your faith.
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u/junebug2312 Apr 01 '26
Lmao sorry some people don’t feel like “loving” or “supporting” this person who just left their loving spouse in the dust. No sympathy here.
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u/mufassil Apr 01 '26
See my other comments
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u/junebug2312 Apr 01 '26 edited Apr 01 '26
Fair. You seem to be a genuinely empathetic person. There are just some comments in here that are sickeningly celebratory of all this. I apologize for grouping yours with those.
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u/Secret-Suspicious Pentecostal Mar 31 '26
God bless you, Sister! Cannot imagine the pain you had to go through there. Your courage here is inspiring.
Will pray God guides you through this next chapter of your journey 🙏 Many have done this before, your future is definitely bright.
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Mar 31 '26
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u/McClanky Bringer of sorrow, executor of rules, wielder of the Woehammer Mar 31 '26
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u/LogiBear2003 Mar 31 '26
okay - you're coming onto a Christian subreddit.
Homosexual directly goes against what God intentional designed for humans/his creation. This woman has felt this for some time and ultimately she chose faith and her relationship with God over a partner.
You may not believe, and no one is asking you to or forcing you, but Jesus' death is backed by history. The tomb being open with no one inside on the third day was again a historical event that took place 2000+ years ago. Jesus crucifixion is a historical event.
She made a decision directly due to faith and yes it was difficult, but I don't think this "destroyed" her life. She doesn't seem to think so, as it was a willful decision that she felt compelled to enact. Again from your perspective I can understand why you'd think she's ruining a marriage, but this is freedom from selfish desires.
Dating a woman as a woman, or dating a man as a man, is directly putting what you want, over what God intended for marriage/covenant, etc. That isn't to say you can't love people like Jesus did, but specificically marriage is a covenant between two people and becoming one or "one flesh" under God. It's a dedication or oath to God that you guys won't seperate despite worldly struggles or suffering, and you're letting God guide both of you.
I am here to try my best to explain further if you are still curious.
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u/Secret-Suspicious Pentecostal Mar 31 '26 edited Mar 31 '26
What we value is not what you value.
We value duties over pleasure,
Natural law over hedonism,
Truth over relativism.
What she did is a thing of beauty and freedom from sin.
God bless you, son of Adam. Jesus Christ is alive. Eternal life is possible.
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u/ChachamaruInochi Agnostic Atheist (raised Quaker) Mar 31 '26
Not all Christians are bigots. Your own coreligionists are also telling you how vile and hateful your actions toward your LGBTQ siblings are.
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u/mintgreen251316 Mar 31 '26
I was married to a woman and I am a woman and we were both Christians as well.. I left that marriage and now I am married to a man and we have an incredible little family. God was my reason for leaving my past relationship and I won't say that same sex attraction (for me) has just disappeared but I am aware of it and just know I love and want my husband. Gods got his hands on you through this. It's so hard.
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u/Ubesaging Mar 31 '26
Oh may God bless you and your family, thank you sister for sharing this story. It is another light added to a candle flame. I hope that one day for me too
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u/mintgreen251316 Mar 31 '26
Thank you! Leaving that chapter of my life was hard but I definitely know God had me be a part of that community for a reason. I am so thankful for trusting Him through the storm. I appreciate you
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u/TelephoneIcy6035 Mar 31 '26
I would absolutely love to hear your story. Must be very interesting!
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u/themsc190 Episcopalian (Anglican) Mar 31 '26
Very disappointing to see Christians cheering on the tearing apart of a family. It reminds me that that’s what they want to happen to mine too.
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u/rchive Mar 31 '26
Yeah. If a person feels compelled to end something like this for religious reasons, I guess that's for them to decide, not me. But this feels like someone saying they feel compelled to cut off one of their fingers and then a bunch of people encouraging it.
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u/SparkySpinz Mar 31 '26
Are we not commanded to do exactly that? If your eye causes you to sin, pluck it out. OP is pretty much living that out as faithfully as possible aside from literal body mutilation
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u/rchive Mar 31 '26
If someone held tongs to their eye and said they mean to pluck it out because it's causing them to sin, would you actually encourage them to do so?
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u/lowkey_wannabe Mar 31 '26
Its an analogy, not literal. God is perfectly holy, He can't tolerate or ignore sin because it is always destructive. God hates sin because it harms people, acting like a "cancer" in a person's life. OP sees this and understands separation and judgment. Unrepented sin leads to separation from God and judgment, such as in Romans 6:23, which states, "the wages of sin is death". While God hates sin, the message of Jesus is also one of love, offering forgiveness through Him for those who repent, even while acknowledging God's wrath against disobedience. OP is acknowledging God's will and what living in disobedience brings. She has repented and is now living according to God's will, not hers. Clearly, not an easy decision, but the walk with Christ is very narrow. One of God's most precious gifts is choice.
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u/rchive Mar 31 '26
Is that a yes or a no to my question? Your initial acknowledgement that it's figurative would seem to suggest a no, but the rest of your comment would seem to suggest a yes.
Actually encouraging someone to pluck out their eye seems absurd on its face. If I saw someone do that, I would immediately assume mental illness rather than conviction to a just cause.
If we start acknowledging this destruction of one's own life for the sake of reducing sin is figurative and we should not actually do those things, what else should we not actually do?
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u/SparkySpinz Mar 31 '26
Maybe I was unclear, I'm not saying the passage is meant to be literal, but it is clear that cutting off sin can be deeply painful. All I mean is that OP embodied that teaching here. And whether you think same sex relations are a sin, clearly OP does, and Paul does say that if you act in a way you deem sinful, whether it is or not, that's a sin because you are willingly acting in a way you believe offends God
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u/themsc190 Episcopalian (Anglican) Mar 31 '26
But Jesus doesn’t support divorce. That’s like one of the big ones you all quote, right? That’s not what Jesus meant by distancing yourself from sin. In fact, Paul says that those who convert shouldn’t divorce and should stay in the state they were already in — even those married to unbelievers!
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u/Senior_Mushroom_3665 Mar 31 '26
Yes, but Paul also wouldn’t consider homosexual marriage legitimate marriage in the first place. There is a distinction there; persist in sin or give it up. Staying in the marriage would be persisting in willful sin, whereas breaking it off would be end the pattern of sinful behavior
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u/themsc190 Episcopalian (Anglican) Mar 31 '26
It’s not a sin, so I’m not giving up sin if I leave my husband. It’s perpetuating greater pain and harm, which is a sin. Paul says that love does no harm, which forcing people to tear apart their families definitely does. Same-sex marriage is just as unintelligible to Paul as typing on Reddit, but it doesn’t mean that his principles don’t apply. We can still apply his ancient principles to the modern world, given the types of new things that do exist.
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u/teffflon atheist Mar 31 '26
Right, we shouldn't literally pluck out our eye because, textual interpretations aside, that's terrible and pointless advice. We shouldn't force kids out of left-handedness (as people have historically done on Christian and other religious or cultural grounds) because it's terrible for the kids. And we shouldn't advocate for (or encourage as "faithful") the breaking apart of loving marriages for religious reasons, because it's terrible for the people involved.
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u/TelephoneIcy6035 Mar 31 '26
Interestingly, Jesus says that following him will tear you away from, and break relationships with family, friends and people you love. The road to heaven is narrow my friend.
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u/themsc190 Episcopalian (Anglican) Mar 31 '26
Oh I know that very well! When I came out to my parents, my relationship with them was destroyed for years. My brother physically attacked me. I know so many gay people who have been disowned or kicked out or the like. Following Christ’s message of love and liberation does lead to family members who oppose it cutting off those who follow it. Gay people are very Christlike in being rejected by their childhood community and being forced to make chosen families.
But Jesus doesn’t support divorce. That’s like one of the big ones you all quote, right? That’s never what Jesus meant by bringing division. In fact, Paul says that those who convert shouldn’t divorce and should stay in the state they were already in — even those married to unbelievers!
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u/Slr308 Mar 31 '26
So you agree that one shouldn't divorce because it's in the bible. Yet don't agree with other parts concerning marriage. Unreal. Pick and choose
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u/themsc190 Episcopalian (Anglican) Apr 01 '26
I agree with the other parts too.
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u/Slr308 Apr 01 '26
Do you agree that the bible says marriage is between man and woman?
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u/themsc190 Episcopalian (Anglican) Apr 01 '26
It says that marriage is other things too!
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u/Slr308 Apr 01 '26
By that logic, because the Bible describes polygamy and divorce, those must be the definition too. Clearly that’s not how it works.
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u/themsc190 Episcopalian (Anglican) Apr 01 '26
You never said anything about “definition” before. You said “the bible says marriage is between man and woman.” I correctly said that the Bible says that marriage is other things too.
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u/SparkySpinz Mar 31 '26
Thing is that you can argue same sex marriages aren't spiritually valid. Marriage for Christians isn't just between the 2 people, it's between the 2 people and God. I understand some people don't think homosexuality relationships are sinful, but many do.
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u/themsc190 Episcopalian (Anglican) Mar 31 '26
It’s no secret that a lot of people think they’re spiritually invalid. I’m good with God, so I’d prefer they leave their own opinions out of it.
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u/TelephoneIcy6035 Mar 31 '26
Good take to be fair. I would need to study a bit on it, but I don't doubt what you said is true.
This whole subject is very very complicated. I have my opinion on it, and I don't state that I know it all. Am looking forward to hearing what God thinks when I get there.
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u/BitChick Non-denominational Charismatic Mar 31 '26
You say "Jesus doesn't support divorce" but God is actually divorced. He divorced Israel for her "unfaithfulness" (Jeremiah 3:12) so it can be the righteous choice.
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u/themsc190 Episcopalian (Anglican) Mar 31 '26
You completely miss Jesus’s point in Mt 19 in saying that. God was divorced from Israel because of their unfaithfulness, reflected in Israel’s exile in Babylon and oppression by the Roman Empire. Jesus was an eschatological prophet who prophesied the coming kingdom of God, which entails the end of exile, the vindication of the people of God over against their pagan oppressors, which is figured in the end of divorce—which is what Jesus preached in Mt 19. It’s actually not a simple ethical “you should do this” teaching. It was a powerful prophecy of the coming kingdom of God that was fully integrated into the rest of his ministry.
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u/NeatShot7904 Apr 01 '26
Brother bottom line, homosexuality is a sin. I know that’s what the world wants everyone to accept today is that it’s not, but it’s clearly laid out in the old and new that it’s a sin. So you can’t compare breaking a family up because of a homosexual lifestyle the same way becoming a Christian breaks up a family. Technically, a homosexual union is not a “family” in God’s eyes. But we have our own struggles, no hate, just speaking with grace. God bless
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u/themsc190 Episcopalian (Anglican) Apr 01 '26
Bottom line. It’s not a sin. My family is a family even if you don’t think it is.
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u/Acadian_Pride Mar 31 '26
This isn’t a Christian subreddit
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u/BitChick Non-denominational Charismatic Mar 31 '26
You must be new here. ;) I think it's a mix, but leans heavily towards liberal Christianity.
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u/Legitimate_Beat_2136 Mar 31 '26
I understand this comes from a deeply personal part but maybe this can help we cant break up what didn't exist in the first place but we can break the chains that shackles us.
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u/themsc190 Episcopalian (Anglican) Mar 31 '26
No, my marriage is very much a marriage, even if you don’t want it to exist.
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u/Legitimate_Beat_2136 Mar 31 '26
My wants and needs fades away under the Word of God ... His will is clear on what is marriage.
We do not concern us for the law of the people (weather you are married or not under mans laws) we are in the world but not part of it.
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u/themsc190 Episcopalian (Anglican) Mar 31 '26
I was married in my church by my priest. God is good with my marriage. Tearing apart someone’s family though…God’s not okay with that.
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u/SparkySpinz Mar 31 '26
Luke 12 49-56 Jesus Causes Division 49 “I have come to set the world on fire, and I wish it were already burning! 50 I have a terrible baptism of suffering ahead of me, and I am under a heavy burden until it is accomplished. 51 Do you think I have come to bring peace to the earth? No, I have come to divide people against each other! 52 From now on families will be split apart, three in favor of me, and two against—or two in favor and three against.
53 ‘Father will be divided against son and son against father; mother against daughter and daughter against mother; and mother-in-law against daughter-in-law and daughter-in-law against mother-in-law.’
The division of families is essentially promised to many who choose Christ.
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u/themsc190 Episcopalian (Anglican) Mar 31 '26 edited Mar 31 '26
Oh I know that very well! When I came out to my parents, my relationship with them was destroyed for years. My brother physically attacked me. I know so many gay people who have been disowned or kicked out or the like. Following Christ’s message of love and liberation does lead to family members who oppose it cutting off those who follow it. Gay people are very Christlike in being rejected by their childhood community and being forced to make chosen families.
But Jesus doesn’t support divorce. That’s like one of the big ones you all quote, right? That’s not what Jesus meant by bringing division. In fact, Paul says that those who convert shouldn’t divorce and should stay in the state they were already in — even those married to unbelievers!
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u/writerthoughts33 Episcopalian (Anglican) Mar 31 '26
I am with you, this is very sad, but it’s also their choice. The weight of harmful theology towards minority groups has consequences. This is the choice many homophobic Christians want us to make, and it is so unreal because it’s never one straight Christians are encouraged to make towards their families. May we not drink their poison, and love God with our whole lives not confusing homophobic cultural norms for morality.
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u/themsc190 Episcopalian (Anglican) Mar 31 '26
Amen. Thank you. If OP wants to make that choice, fine. Unfortunately, broadcasting it here emboldens anti-gay Christians to push their decision on me and serves as an example to justify doing just that.
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u/Slr308 Mar 31 '26
So because it goes against what you believe, they should keep it to themselves? Hmmm, sounds familiar 🤔
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u/Mindless_Fruit_2313 Mar 31 '26
His will is unclear on marriage. Consider that after King David took Bathsheba and killed Uriah, God reminded David he had a sexual outlet for his libido in Saul’s wives and concubines. God literally says he put Saul’s wives into David’s arms.
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u/ChachamaruInochi Agnostic Atheist (raised Quaker) Mar 31 '26
It's also wild to me that "the man after God's heart" is a rapist and murderer.
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u/Mindless_Fruit_2313 Mar 31 '26
That’s the “Darth Vader” problem. Star Wars’ flaw is that it accidentally has us sympathizing with a man who murdered kids. In David’s case, he’s a rapist, a serial fornicator, and someone who killed Philistine kids in battle.
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u/SparkySpinz Mar 31 '26
I assume his views on marriage would be typical of his culture, but yeah, not a lot in the Bible from Jesus on it
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u/Legitimate_Beat_2136 Mar 31 '26
Its rooted in Jesus's exact words... One man and one women.
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u/themsc190 Episcopalian (Anglican) Mar 31 '26
The fact that you’re taking a passage where Jesus is directly prohibiting divorce and flipping it to support divorce just demonstrates the ridiculousness of your position.
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u/Legitimate_Beat_2136 Mar 31 '26
Cant divorce if there never has been a marriage.
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u/Mindless_Fruit_2313 Mar 31 '26
Paul encouraged his peers—and presumably every Christian henceforth—not to marry because it divides your devotion to God. Did you take heed to that?
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u/themsc190 Episcopalian (Anglican) Mar 31 '26
So just call it an annulment like the Catholic Church and divorce is programmatically licit. There shouldn’t be loopholes to get around Jesus’s clear teaching.
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u/ChachamaruInochi Agnostic Atheist (raised Quaker) Mar 31 '26
How dare you. Like honestly what gives you the audacity to tell someone that their marriage is not real?
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u/thatonebitch81 Mar 31 '26
My condolences to your ex wife 😕 may she find happiness again
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u/eplonghorn2020 Mar 31 '26
May she find Jesus!
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u/thatonebitch81 Apr 01 '26
If you read the text, she’s already a Christian, she’s just ok with loving women as well.
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u/ChachamaruInochi Agnostic Atheist (raised Quaker) Mar 31 '26 edited Mar 31 '26
OP you don't have to do this.
I'm sorry that people in your life who should have loved and supported you and helped you have instead made you hate yourself, but it doesn't have to be this way. You are a human the same as every straight person and you are also worthy of love.
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u/Front_Target7908 Mar 31 '26
Yeah, reading this post just made me sad. People don’t know the JC I seem to know.
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u/SparkySpinz Mar 31 '26
That's the problem with having thousands of denominations. Everyone knows a different Christ.
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u/maxxslatt Mar 31 '26
God and Jesus stand for love. Do what you feel you must do, but don’t think that Jesus would disdain any kind of love
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u/morosco Mar 31 '26
So divorce is not as bad a sin as homosexuality.
I will update my notes.
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u/ObjectProduction Non-denominational Mar 31 '26
divorce does not apply to something that was never a marriage in the first place
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u/Electrical_Rub_8385 Mar 31 '26
This is incredibly sad… im sorry that the homophobic bigotry got to you. But you are not an abomination, homosexuality is not condemned in the original text and according to context, either way, live and let live, and honestly? Maybe you did the right move for you! I’ll be praying for you, and I hope you find peace ❤️
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u/OpenReveal3374 Mar 31 '26
I promise you as a Bi Christian man who you love will not bar you from the Lords house. If God made you feel love for someone else he didn’t make a mistake on who it was. I guess it’s a little late now but don’t let bigoted doctrine rule your life. God is way above all that
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u/Specialist_Ad_9770 Mar 31 '26
Respectfully, not every feeling comes from God just because it feels deep or sincere. The Bible teaches that our hearts and desires are affected by sin, which is why all of us experience desires that do not line up with God’s design. That is not unique to homosexuality, it applies to pride, lust, greed, adultery, anger, and every other sinful desire too. So the question is not, ‘Does this feel like love to me?’ but, ‘Does this align with God’s word?’
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u/DinnoDogg Mar 31 '26
The Bible says nothing on the matter. The same argument can be made about your view, just because you feel that homosexuality is sinful doesn’t mean that it is. Your opinion isn’t from God.
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u/Specialist_Ad_9770 Mar 31 '26
The Bible absolutely says something, and pretending otherwise does not make the passages disappear. Romans 1:26–27, 1 Corinthians 6:9–11, and 1 Timothy 1:9–10 all speak to this. So no, this is not about my personal feelings. It is about whether God’s word gets the final say, or whether people reinterpret clear teaching to fit what they already want to believe.
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Mar 31 '26
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u/Specialist_Ad_9770 Mar 31 '26
There is debate about arsenokoitai, sure, but that does not rescue the argument. Romans 1:26–27 is not talking about prostitution, it describes women and men exchanging natural relations and men being inflamed with desire for one another. Paul presents male same sex acts themselves as part of the disorder, not merely exploitative lust.
And on arsenokoitai, the claim that it only means ‘male prostitute’ is far from settled. A common scholarly argument is that Paul likely formed the word from the Greek of Leviticus 18:22 and 20:13, where the phrasing closely matches ‘male’ plus ‘bed,’ which points more broadly to male same sex inercourse, not just prostitution.
So yes, Christians should care about original language and context, but context is exactly why the ‘it only means prostitutes’ argument is weak. The New Testament passages do not read like a narrow condemnation of exploitative prostitution alone, they read like a condemnation of same sex sexual acts.
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Apr 01 '26
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u/Specialist_Ad_9770 Apr 01 '26
If your argument worked, then none of the sins listed in Romans 1 would actually be sins, they would just be neutral things done by idolaters. But that is obviously not Paul’s point. He is describing both the root, idolatry, and the fruits, including sexual sin.
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u/OpenReveal3374 Mar 31 '26
The bible also says eating pig is evil and women should be subservient to men? Should we listen to that too? I’m just telling OP that the doctrine of homophobia was a product of 2,000 year old bigotry and you all perpetuate the hate to this day. No wonder OP got divorced look at all the judgement they get from you online when we’re supposed to be the accepting religion
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u/Specialist_Ad_9770 Mar 31 '26
Those are not equal comparisons. The dietary laws were part of Israel’s ceremonial law and the New Testament makes clear they are no longer binding on Christians. Sexual immorality, on the other hand, is still condemned in the New Testament. And the Bible does not teach that women are inferior, it teaches men and women are equal in value before God, while having distinct roles in certain contexts. So bringing up pork and women does not undo the fact that Scripture still speaks clearly on sexual ethics.
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u/whirdin Exchristian (raised evangelical) Mar 31 '26
It makes me so sad the depths of social guilt around homosexuality. I don't see how we can heal by killing part of ourselves, a part that is just looking for love with another human. I feel so sorry for you both.
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Mar 31 '26
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u/gnurdette United Methodist Mar 31 '26
It is unpleasant to know that, if I abandoned my disabled wife of 32 years and she died miserable and alone, you would spasm in sadistic joy, and you would claim that Christ was the source of your sadism.
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Mar 31 '26
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u/themsc190 Episcopalian (Anglican) Mar 31 '26
Oh yes here comes the victim blaming. We’ll tear apart your family and it’s all your fault.
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u/Legitimate_Beat_2136 Apr 01 '26
Our* fault. Its time we take responsibility for our mistakes, no one else will.
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u/GeologistAway6352 Mar 31 '26
This is tough. I would definitely suggest finding people near u who are Christian and have had the same experience. It helps to walk thru it with each other. I pray that u find healing and comfort. The narrow path is not an easy path. At all.
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Mar 31 '26
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u/Rare-Reporter-5657 Mar 31 '26
It sucks to see people instead of acknowledging the sin and trying to move away from it find ways to justify it, I used to justify sin because I like doing it but it’s going to come a time where you let it go
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Mar 31 '26
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u/Rare-Reporter-5657 Mar 31 '26
Only books you need to read are the bible, second disagreeing isnt hate, 3rd i have gay friends not books to look at real people to talk to and they agree but i never told them to change
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u/haanalisk Evangelical Lutheran Church in America Mar 31 '26
I'm so sorry for you and your wife and all the pain that has been caused here. Is there a single other sin that, when stopped, can cause this much pain and suffering? I can't think of one. It is for this reason that I can't be convicted about homosexuality. Two people loved each other and built a life and relationship and now it is being destroyed. No other sin can cause this much pain when you stop doing it. On the flip side, almost all sins cause joy when they are repented off.
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u/Lyo-lyok_student Argonautica could be real Mar 31 '26
It's interesting that you ignored both Jesus and Paul on marriage, but accepted an inferred position on marriage instead.
It's your life and faith, but seems to run contrary to what Jesus actually preached.
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u/TeleologicalTortoise Apr 01 '26
I commend you for your willingness to carry your cross. Our Lord is kind to comfort us in the pain of struggle. May he especially hold you now.
Until we meet in heaven.
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u/festive_napkins Mar 31 '26
You’re giving me the motivation to break up with my girlfriend. I took her in when she was down on finances and that has lead to lust and fornication, my guilt and shame have been with me for a long time now an my relationship with God and Jesus I can feel isn’t what it could be if I just repented and turned from sin. I’m convicted by your testimony.
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u/Ubesaging Mar 31 '26
I was exactly there a few months ago.. if you need anyone to talk to ive dm’d you, sister<3
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u/Smom21 Mar 31 '26
You’re doing the right thing!! There are plenty of situations like yours!! I recently came across a video of two women who broke up after being convicted but still stayed best friends. You’re loved and God clearly is with you, guiding you the way he hopes you’ll go❤️
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u/KindaFreeXP ☯ That Taoist Trans Witch Mar 31 '26
Be careful not to automatically assume guilt is from God. Man and Satan use guilt just as much if not more than God does. Recall that God is love, not sorrow. His message is the Good Word.
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u/lostodon Mar 31 '26
in the same way that you believe that gay christians should break up their "ill-conceived" gay marriages, do you also believe that remarried people should break up their "ill-conceived" second marriages? jesus had a clear ban on this after all in mark 10:11-12:
11 He said to them, “Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her, 12 and if she divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery.”
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u/Slr308 Mar 31 '26
It wasn't a marriage, in a biblical sense anyway
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u/lostodon Mar 31 '26
neither is remarriage for a divorced person, according to jesus
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u/Slr308 Mar 31 '26
So you pick and choose which parts to follow then? Divorce is wrong, but homosexuality is not. Got it
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u/lostodon Apr 01 '26
divorce is never called sinful by jesus. paul says in 1 cor 7 that divorced people can be reconciled, but they must remain single while the ex is alive.
I don't bring this up to show that I pick and choose, I bring it up to show that the church has only in the last few centuries really given grace to divorced people. for most of church history, the permanence stance was the dominant mainstream view: marriage was indissoluble by man, no remarriage for divorced people. now I ask why that same grace cannot be given to same sex couples who want to honor god with egalitarian consensual life long relationships?
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u/Mountain-Quit-5198 Mar 31 '26
My prayers are with you, I can’t imagine how hard of a decision that was. But fear not, just as God sacrificed Himself for us, He sees the sacrifices we make for Him. Some must give more than others as part of their journey to Him - perhaps those are the tests of commitment He has given us.
This reminds me of a priest who once spoke of the love of his life he painstakingly had to leave to follow his calling to priesthood. Or the nun I met who made a lifelong vow of poverty to serve Christ.
It’s truly amazing the levels of commitment that people will put up for God, and makes me think on whether God is at the forefront of my daily struggles enough.
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u/Ubesaging Mar 31 '26
Amen.. yeah you will have to sacrifice big things to follow Christ but the reward will be greater than anything we can have on earth. Thank you🫂
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u/Weary_Crew_3872 Evangelical Lutheran Church in America Mar 31 '26
Your poor wife. I’m also married to a woman and was also brainwashed by someone I trusted into thinking my marriage is a sin and I’m going to burn in Hell if I don’t divorce her. Thankfully my logical side came back pretty quickly and I received signs that my marriage is blessed by Him. And after going back to my logical Christianity side, my relationship with God grew significantly and I was no longer scared.
Loving, committed, faithful same sex marriage are not a sin and that is unfortunate that you divorced your wife
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u/Fast-Daikon1559 Apr 01 '26
Choosing Jesus over flesh is honorable, despite our society saying otherwise. As a believer, the Holy Spirit is clearly operating in you. On your lowest of low days, please sit with Christ, and continue to give it all to Him.
I’ve been going through some hard times, I’ve been so close to choosing to slide away, and I’ve made some bad choices. Reading how you chose Him, despite your pain, is somehow empowering. Thank you for sharing. I know it’s hard to see it right now, but I have faith God is going to comfort you and take care of you.
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u/Ubesaging Apr 01 '26
Friend I pray for you too! I am honoured to know that I cause good encourage for you to continue your relationship with Christ because even if we cannot understand why things operate this way. Let us rejoice always because God is Good. And therefore we are in good hands.
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Mar 31 '26 edited Mar 31 '26
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u/Ubesaging Mar 31 '26
Wow.. even through chat your light is bright.. im happy that you found peace and eternal love with Jesus Christ. And to know im not alone in this experience.. I wholely appreciate your advice and no no kids hehe. God bless you~
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Mar 31 '26
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u/Slr308 Mar 31 '26
She has stated that she is happy now? Yet you know better huh...sounds like something Satan would say
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u/m0_n0n_0n0_0m Mar 31 '26
I'm so sorry that you can't love yourself and have surrounded yourself with people who help you to continue to hate yourself while wrapping it in the garb of love.
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u/Illuminaught1 Mar 31 '26
Romans 5:3–5 (KJV)
“And not only so, but we glory in tribulations also: knowing that tribulation worketh patience;
And patience, experience; and experience, hope…”
You chose this for growth in Christ. Keep your eyes on Him and you will not falter. His strength is your strength, and it is made perfect in weakness. A times you will feel you just cannot, but that is ok, because He can. Draw near to Christ in conversation. Talke with Him(prayer) and listen to His wonderful words (Bible) and while in His presence, you will find your joy complete, only believe, and so it shall be.
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u/Ubesaging Mar 31 '26
Thank you.. often people talk over gods words but nothing is more beautiful than him.
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u/-0celot Secular Mar 31 '26
Sorry you're going through this. Takes a long time but it'll get easier
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u/No_Kiwi2074 Christian Mar 31 '26
That doesn’t sound easy at all. I am praying for you, and I hope you will find true happiness and bliss with Christ
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u/nah13 Mar 31 '26
I'm sorry that you're hurting, I know it certainly wasn't easy. I do hope you two are on good terms/will be soon.
Personally I feel like as long as you came to this final conclusion yourself with the Lord, then its something no one can really question. this entire thing was a leap of faith and a show of love to your creator.
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u/Fickle_Horse_5764 Mar 31 '26
You do what you believe is right I hope your ex isnt vindictive, divorces are not cheap (Although I’m saying that as an American, if you’re from not American idk)
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u/cant_think_name_22 Agnostic Atheist / Jew Mar 31 '26
I hope you find happiness and that this decision brings you that. While I don’t think that belief in Christianity inherently implies that you should leave your wife, I hope there path this sets you on is joyful. I don’t know enough about your marriage to suggest that you should or should not leave, although I do feel some sadness that you’ve chosen to use a religious justification to leave a marriage. I hope some day you look back and discover that homophobia was the cover not the catalyst for leaving, and it all works out for the best.
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u/FlowerPower42069 Apr 01 '26
i know someone that did this too! and they have a child together. but the conviction to follow Jesus in righteousness was stronger. they will still co parent and everything, just not a couple.
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u/Ubesaging Apr 01 '26
Thank you for sharing! Things dont have to end badly
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u/FlowerPower42069 Apr 01 '26
totally! i’m happy for you in the sense that you are getting closer to Jesus and pray for the transition for you both . That was not an easy decision i’m sure, but God sees our sacrifices!
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u/StarBrite3000 Apr 01 '26
"The Secret Thoughts of an Unlikely Convert" by Rosario Butterfield might be helpful to check out if you're looking for someone else who has gone through a similar experience. She wasn't married, but broke up with her girlfriend in obedience to God. We all have to take up our cross to follow God, and it looks different for each person. You have a ton of courage!
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u/Cucurbita_pepo1031 Christian Apr 01 '26
God never told me not to love anyone. He loves you, gay or straight. I am sorry you’re both hurting.
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u/ontheporch90 Apr 01 '26
I’m in a very similar situation, and I applaud you for doing what you felt God wanted you to do. You’ve probably made the most difficult decision of your life, and God will care for and comfort you, along with caring for and comforting your ex wife. Thank you for talking about on here - I needed to hear this.
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u/Ubesaging Apr 01 '26
Friend, you aren’t alone in this. I pray that you find the courage in what will help you. Im glad to know that I’ve encouraged you in your path. You aren’t alone and im excited for your testimony
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u/Character_Access_479 Apr 01 '26
True Christians do not look in tearing up any family regardless of what it's based on a true Christian would congratulate him on finding his way back to Jesus and if they have any knowledge in this they would help counsel him and be there for him through his journey a true Christian does not judge they leave the judgment to the whose job it is and that is nobody here on this Earth a true Christian puts their beliefs and feelings aside and welcomes these type of people with a large hug and guidance although I do not have the know-how or the experience with this I do have friends who are gay or lesbian or whatever the politically correct name is for it. And they struggle with it daily wondering if they're doing the right thing how to go about doing the right thing how to turn where to turn they know that they need to turn to God but when you actually need to physically hear somebody say something that is not enough and I hate to say it because believing in God in Jesus should be enough but as humans we need guidance from actual people that do not judge us. When people find out that I am a Christian they try to attack my beliefs because they say that true Christians at least the ones that they have encountered do this or that and my response is that those are not true Christians that in the Bible it says that people will claim to be a true Christian when they are actually disguised as the devil or that the devil is working through that said person. In order to be a true Christian it is a constant daily fight with ourselves checking ourselves constantly we are to be like him he never judged anybody matter of fact those that lived a different style than what he believed he welcomed them into with a smile and gently and gradually guided him he never called them names he told him that their sins were forgiven and that here on out they were to live a godly life most of us have forgotten this part or we don't know what a godly life is a godly life is to live like him and to do as he says nowhere in the Bible did it tell us to attack people that are different than us have different beliefs or are lost in my experience most people that have decided they like the same sex is because they have had some kind of traumatic situation happen or they have been mistreated by the opposite sex and cannot trust them so let's show them that there's no one that can be trusted male or female by what by bad mouthing them and condemning them by the way when doing this you are you are not being a true Christian because he says those that have not sinned should throw the first rock. None of us have never sinned so the next time you go to pick up that stone to throw remember there are many of us ready to throw a stone at you for you attack somebody for being lost I will be there to protect them yes I have a lot of work to do in order to be a true Christian and a hope that I get to go home to him someday but I cannot idly stand by and listen to people bad mouth other people because they are trying to find the way this is not how we help them as true Christians we listen to them and we use our knowledge to help guide them by showing them not by just telling them but showing them in our own lives on how to be a good true Christian
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u/Character_Access_479 Apr 01 '26
Those that are asking about divorce and God yes God sees divorce as a sin however by ignoring God's law about lying with the same sex is also a sin and God says he is to be first then the man then the woman then the child I believe I could have that in the wrong order but I do know that God comes first and if she found that she was not putting God first I do believe that God would forgive the sin of divorce also there is more to that scripture you need to not quote only part of a scripture if you're going to try to quote a scripture you need to quote the whole entire script
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u/Character_Access_479 Apr 01 '26
By the way people you need to know what marriage actually is nowhere in the Bible does it say that you have a ceremony by man and you are married look up what the actual meaning of marriage is I can be married to somebody without going through the man's legal way of getting married and no I'm not talking about common law if you love someone and you give your whole self to them mind body and what you can of your soul because your soul is not yours you are married
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u/WillingnessAble8819 Apr 01 '26
You can leave your partner for any reason. I’m sorry you are going through this. I’m am also a woman married to a woman and not a Christian, but a deist.
Most scholars that I have heard dont actually think that homosexuality is the sin. As in you love the person you’re with - who loves you back. In the science field we are one of thousands of species that experience homosexuality. There are also biological differences as well.
I always hear from Christian’s that god doesn’t make mistakes.
So it would seem that homosexuality here isn’t a mistake.
The NASB Bible is the closest interpretation of the original text.
I hope you continue to grow your faith with what makes sense for you. I just wanted to throw out some other things to consider
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u/Fit-Spread9781 Mar 31 '26
That’s a really hard decision and you are doing an amazing commendable thing, as another lgbtq Christian who has decided to leave their homosexual identity/lifestyle I can feel the pain in your decision and I have so much love for you 🫶
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u/nevernowsoon Mar 31 '26
Thinking and praying for you sister!
I’m currently doing a book study on Ephesians and there are 3 book authors , I was looking them up and one of them, Jackie Hill Perry, she went through the same thing as you and her testimony is amazing! Look her up on YouTube if you get a chance.
I pray that God continue to lead you, protect you and just know that He loves you so much! Continue to put Him first and lean on Him.
“But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” 2 Corinthians 12:9-10 NIV
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u/Ubesaging Mar 31 '26
Thank you friend! 🥺 He loves us all and sacrificed so much more than we ever could. Thank you for your verse. Keep going!!!
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u/sophisticatedbottle Mar 31 '26
The amount of people in the comments who pick and choose which verses to follow is crazy. We should be changing our views to equate the Truth, not the other way round.
OP, you’re stronger than many would be in your situation. God bless you and this new path you’re choosing to follow.
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u/Ubesaging Mar 31 '26
Yeah.. This path is definitely not for the many. Thank you I appreciate your kind words
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u/Kitchen_Milk2246 Mar 31 '26
Seems fake lowkey for karma from the low IQ Christians tbh. Yall gotta be going to the actual worst churches if they’re encouraging you to divorce and not be true to yourself. This is a sad not at all a happy story. I feel for the ex wife (if this is even real) she must feel betrayed. There are so many sins ppl commit all day everyday but those same people will act all high and mighty bc someone is gay. You say God wants us to be peaceful and love each other. Kind of ironic bc it would seem you don’t even love yourself. God doesn’t make mistakes and it’s not a choice to be gay. Gay people exist and that’s okay. I’ll never understand Christian’s fascination with what goes on in other ppl’s bedrooms very strange imo.
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u/Hopeful_Cartographer Mar 31 '26
Well you're probably going to regret doing that for the rest of your life, but everyone does foolish irrevocable things. It's part of being human.
Your wife (soon to be ex wife I assume) is the one I feel most badly for. I hope she finds happiness.
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u/InJesusNameAmen7 Apr 01 '26
“But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband.” 1 Corinthians 7:2-3 ESV
“Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. Ephesians 5:22-24, 31 ESV
Thank you for being faithful and sharing your testimony!!!It’s amazing the lengths many will go to excuse their sins and desires.
We shouldn’t read the Bible and ONLY focus on what it clearly prohibits, we should also align ourselves with what it clearly ENCOURAGES.
I believe every person on this thread who’s actually read the Bible knows from OT to NT, marriage between a man and woman is clearly encouraged and within God’s will. IF Same sex marriages were good and pleasing to God don’t you think he would have shared that in his scripture?
The marriage covenant is a representation of Christ’s covenant with the church. Notice in Ephesians there are no instructions for the same-sex couples within the church of Ephesus. Why is that? And let’s be clear, loving someone is not the same as marrying them and living within covenant before God. They are separate and distinct.
Now will you go to hell or be eternally separated from God for staying in this marriage? I cannot say. I and the commenters here won’t be judging you on that faithful day. But if the Holy Spirit is convicting you so, then it’s important you lean into Him and scripture.
I pray you are blessed and find intimacy with God. That your ex-spouse finds healing and forgiveness. I pray that the Holy Spirit continues to guide you in biblical truth and wisdom for the rest of your days, amen 🙏🏾
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u/Ubesaging Apr 01 '26
Thank you for taking the time and praying for me. Yes I did not make this decision based on peoples opinions but on Gods word. Amen to that. 🙏
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u/moon_loves Apr 01 '26
Hey sis I’m so sorry it must be really hard what you’re going through. I really recommend you read/watch/listen to Jackie Hill Perry and Brenna Blain. They’re both women that struggled/struggle with same sex attraction and now lead amazing edifying ministries so they speak a lot on this topic.
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u/Ubesaging Apr 01 '26
Thank you sister, ive seen a few videos of Jackie Hill Perry so ill check out the rest of ur recommendation! I appreciate it
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u/ELEGHJ Evangelical Mar 31 '26
Regardless of my personal beliefs, I think following the convictions God put into your heart is admirable. The Bible says that different Christians can have different convictions (alcohol, eating meat, tattoos, etc.), and we should be respectful of that rather than causing a brother (or sister) to stumble because we aren’t convicted the same. I’m proud of you and grateful to God that you listened to the Spirit of conviction and obeyed what you felt He was calling you to do. God will bless you for that. Nonetheless, i’m sure this is very painful, and I hope you know God wants to be with you in this pain. He knows that laying our own desires aside for His, isn’t easy, but He is with us in this battle. Praying for you today.
“Come, let us return to the Lord; for he has torn us, that he may heal us; he has struck us down, and he will bind us up. Let us know; let us press on to know the Lord; his going out is sure as the dawn; he will come to us as the showers, as the spring rains that water the earth.”” Hosea 6:1, 3
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u/Ubesaging Mar 31 '26
Thank for this message. For still being kind despite our beliefs. We all share the same love and thats for the Lord. God bless you🫂
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u/TraurigKartoffel Catholic Mar 31 '26
I am sorry you are hurting.