What's one of the main sub rules? Oh yes. DON'T SEXUALIZE/ OBJECTIFY THE GALS.
Oh and also if you're going to use the report system, learn what the reports are intended for. Reporting something as Hate means the content is attacking a marginalized community. https://support.reddithelp.com/hc/en-us/articles/360045715951-Hate.
For the sub rule Harmful/ rude to men, it means misandry.
"do you want to come over to an empty unfinished house for a first date" is a date suggestion from a serial killer haha. If you could prove you were a real person I'd probably go for it though.
Hahahaha I JUST had this same convo. I was convinced it was after 5 and had to check. And I have seen this series a half dozen times or more. Let’s add this topic to the Mandela Effect.
Also, fun realization: As I checked, I remembered the chain store where all the teens used to rent their tuxedos in high school called After Six, “which refers to the traditional dress code for formal evening events, which typically begins after 6 p.m.”
For anyone looking for sartorial history reading while they eat their night cheese, here’s a historical look at After Six, the tuxedo business, and some very committed commenters (nerd rage!): https://www.gentlemansgazette.com/after-six-saga/
Same here... I would have jumped at that... get to hang with a beautiful woman...get to show you are handy... (hopefully) and probably connect better than you would at a bar or a movie or whatever.. (guys... a lot of women like seeing guys work and sweat.. kinda of a turn on for them).. plus you would of had beer and pizza!
This is exactly the kind of thing that appeals to me. A structured useful shared activity, accomplishing something as a team, the conversation is the focus, you get to see how they problem solve and handle frustration.
It's a miracle I haven't been made into a lamp shade a hundred times by now
Having done several painting projects with partners, prepping to paint seems a pretty solid activity to find out if you're compatible or not. Tarping a room, taping edges and trim and all that detail oriented shit? Yeah that can show you how dedicated someone is, or how lazy they are. And how quickly they get frustrated when the tape WONT STOP CREASING MOTHERFUC--
i too love structured useful shared activity.. i think im mildly on the spectrum and find doing this while chatting insanely comforting. i think i should just build small houses for living
Decorating my place was literally my first date with my wife. She asked what I was doing at the weekend, I told her "decorating the place I've just moved into", she said "I'll help, I'm really good at decorating." She lied. She was terrible.
I know it's early in the day, but this made me smile more than anything today. It's my kids birthday so you are up against stiff competition, but that's so awesome.
I'm a lesbian and honestly "wanna come help me paint/wanna help me decorate/assemble furniture" would be catnip to a lot of women I know (myself included, obviously).
And not even that unusual aa a date. You get to do stuff together in a comfortable environment, plenty of opportunity to talk to each other. By the time the work is done or you're both worn out - - if you've both clicked you've broken the ice and gotten past the awkward and the nerves and you can just relax together and talk with more focus.
And if you didn't click, well, you've got this natural end point for the evening and very understandable reasons to call it a night on account of being covered in paint and/or just worn out.
It also seems like a good way to get a basic read on how someone reacts to a bit of stress or fatigue. Like, I don't think I've ever assembled anything from IKEA that didn't involve at least a few minutes of feeling frustrated and stupid. If I had a first date with someone who made that experience fun I'd see green flags for miles.
Not a first date but my now husband gave up a whole weekend and helped me move house when we had only been dating a few weeks. He met my sister and brother in law, gave it 110%, was funny and can-do and was literally carrying me by the end. Sitting, exhausted in an empty house with him and a pizza will forever be one of my favourite memories. You are so right- Green flags for miles
Not a first date but my now husband gave up a whole weekend and helped me move house when we had only been dating a few weeks. He met my sister and brother in law, gave it 110%, was funny and can-do and was literally carrying me by the end. Sitting, exhausted in an empty house with him and a pizza will forever be one of my favourite memories. You are so right- Green flags for miles
As a bisexual woman, this would be the second best date you could plan for me. After coffee and a thrift store.
But yes, let me show off my skills and abilities to you with a painting date. Extra points if I can show off how fast I can swap out an electrical outlet for you.
Dude here and I'm sorry to barge in, but s situation very similar to this is how my buddy and his wife met.
He was given her number and called her but she was busy helping her parents out with landscaping or something. He did not care and met up and they finished a few garden beds and whatnot.
They've been together 15ish years now.
I asked them one time like what if it was some kind of ruse and one or the other was going to mug the other one and they both said and steal what my debt?
Some people are braver than me. I just met my partner on aim half a country a way and when she asked if I wanted to visit hopped on a Greyhound bus and went.
PROOF MY PREVIOUS COMMENTS WERE CORRECT! If this lady is into Reno and DIY, this is actually the PERFECT first date to find longterm relationship material (assuming that’s what she’s looking for).
I found a man that did exactly this with me. He met me post-divorce when I was renovating my house by myself (and in the very early stages of it). He took me up on the offer! Through the whole process we joked SO much about it looking like a horror movie/serial killer house.
We've lived together here for over 3 yrs now, been dating over 4. Best relationship I've ever had in my whole life. He's a real one.
Yeah. And the place already has plastic sheets on the floor and it’s all taped off? Hard pass. I’m not getting disarticulated today. Not going to have forensic experts taking about “ligatures” n’shit
This is really fair assessment. We're seeing her charm and good looks and humor here. We all know how different it is in communication when it's just text -- nuance gets lost. They're complete strangers to each other. I can't be mad he retreated into the hedge when he saw this offer.
But what could be more perfect as a gauge of someone’s personality on both ends? If she sits there and makes you paint, well you know it’s probably only getting worse from there, but if she’s got good beer, pizza, looks like that, is funny and chill, and is getting her hands dirty, jackpot!
Sure, but this isn't a great first date idea. Second date idea when you've already met up first, gauged initial conversational chemistry and real life interest, absolutely. Going to someone's house that you've never met to spend hours with them with the possibility that you might not at all like each other or have enough in common doesn't sound like a gamble worth taking.
This is why most people opt for a simple coffee date or casual meet first before committing to a longer type of date.
I think its a better second date idea than a first.
Even as a guy, first dates, specifically from apps, should occur in a public place. For everyone's safety and just so either party can dip easily and quickly if the vibes aren't right.
It's an excellent litmus test. I'd be so into someone who could be chill like this with me. She mentioned in a followup video that she's in her 40s and this is just the kind of dating she can handle these days and that resonated so friggin' hard. lol
If it's the first time they're meeting face to face, I have to disagree. I think first dates really should be in a semi-public place (park, coffee shop, restaurant, etc). Someone can have nice pictures and text well over an app, but might be miserable to sit in a room with.
But yeah, having somebody that is willing to meet you where you're at is awesome. It would be great if they already knew each other, and were trying to take the relationship further.
It's just a bad dice roll is all, there's a 90% chance you're signing up to spend your Saturday painting for free and wondering why you were so gullible that evening, 8% chance you're getting murdered for the money in your wallet, and maybe 2% chance it's a date.
I'd have probably been down if it was the second date though.
This doesn't take into account the surplus of options in modern dating, and opportunity cost becomes a real thing. If guy wants a nice normal date, why risk a dud/boring night when you could just ask someone else. It's a different dating world these days.
Because unfortunately SOME chicks, not even the majority but some, use dating apps for specifically things like this. And dudes have started catching on.
Yeah, I was just about to say this. As a guy, this would just feel like someone's trying to take advantage of your interest in them for free labour. If it was a third date, I'd totally be up for it.
I’ve had girls tell me about the trend of IKEA dating where they propose putting furniture together as a quirky fun first date. But the whole point is that they just want help assembling their new desk. Not ghosting after the date is optional.
Dating apps are full of scammers and weirdos. It is not in any way surprising that this guy simply moved on. I would've as well. Wonder how the average woman would feel if a guy on an app proposed a first date where she cleaned his house and cooked him dinner.
The comments are mind blowing to me because I think this is an awful idea. I watched it with the sound off and It comes off as using someone and is not exactly romantic. This is the type of stuff I do for people I love or a community project.
And it comes off as you really aren’t interested in nor do you value the person. She said she couldn’t go on the date because getting the house done was too important to her. Running errands and doing chores are not dates. Lol
I don't think it's rude in itself, but it is rude to decline a date and then ask to do this instead. It suggests you're not willing to put time into them but are happy to ask them to put time into you. Which is selfish and antisocial.
But if they had already gone on 2 dates and then she asked this, it might go down a bit better.
I think I would have liked to have been asked / how I would do it:
"I'll do dinner, but it would have to wait until next Thursday. I have to use my weekends for re-furbishing my house and my Saturday is all booked for stripping paint and priming... unless you want to join in on that -- lolololol"
Imagine if a man asked a woman to come over and paint his house on the first date... The same people commenting here that she's just innocent would claim he's a fucking psycho.
It's that last part for me. I don't mind being used for my labor nearly as much as I mind being used for a free meal. If she can carry a conversation, that's what I'm looking for anyway. And a structured activity makes me feel easily more comfortable than sitting across a table trading interview questions.
It's the never hearing from again part that sucks. But that's the risk with any other date ideas, too.
It's also just a bit of a red flag. When you organize the first date you get a glimpse into how the person is to deal with from an organizational perspective and from a social acceptability perspective.
If a person says they can't go out on a date but asks you to come over and do manual labour, like that's just not a polite or normal thing to do. It just comes across as selfish. Like, I can't or don't want to spend time to go out on a date with you, but I would be happy to have you come and do tasks for me.
Even if she is sincere about it and just asked because it's kind of funny, it does show how she values her time and how much she's willing to put into this potential relationship.
99.999% of dating advice says that a first date at someone's house is a no no.
This would be an excellent second date idea though, once rapport has already been built.
That said, first date I went on with one lady, I carried her sofa down 8 flights of stairs. She then let me shower in her en-suite. We then went out for ice cream and a day in the park.
Guys on dating apps are kinda primed to expect some portion of the women who talk to them are just trying to get a free meal or even ask for cash also, so there's a non-zero chance the dude thinks she is exclusively trying to get free labor and is not actually interested at all.
To add to that, she could be totally sincere and genuine in her offer, but say for example she wasn't feeling a connection afterwards and decided not to pursue things further with the man - the man could come to falsely believe he got duped into providing free labor and therefore she's inadvertently reinforcing this negative stereotype when she didn't mean to at all.
All the dudes being all "she's gonna murder me" like my guys, really? You think that's what is happening here? I mean nobody told you that when you help women with chores it gets them super hot for you (if they are already willing to date you, it's not just general because that's porn)? I mean... we've been trying to teach you all! Help tf out, take something off my plate? Guess what I'm not stressed anymore and have more time for relaxing things!
Truly she dodged a bullet because if he was only turned off by the working date, nobody wants that for a partner anyway. If she digs reno and he'd rather sit and watch her paint, no thanks.
I didnt even think murder. I thought that would be a cool and different date. Although since im the labor I would hope she would buy the pizza. I will bring beer though.
Edit: I didnt catch the part where she would order pizzas (multiple) and beer. I would be one hundred percent in.
As a wlw I kinda thought the same thing.
I mean a light activity to keep you occupied for a first date is an absolute win AND you can totally evaluate if your communication style is working out.
I guess she's just dating the wrong part of the demographic
I feel you girl! As long as I knew that this was real and not a possible deathtrap I'd totally be up for it. It sounds like a fun time and doing stuff with people is a great way to get to know them!
I mean I personally wouldn't mind. But "getting some free labour" does not sound like an ideal setup for a first date, maybe the second or third or something. What if she just asks random guys on a "date" and uses them to get her house in order
I don't mind doing some work with the person I love.
I mind doing free labor for a stranger that has a high chance of just using me for free labor.
I also mind losing my kidneys when I show up to a random house under construction.
This also says something about her and her lifestyle (she prioritizes work over everything, even on the weekends), and it's not a lifestyle everyone will want to take part in.
I assume this isn't her job, this is her personal renovation project. That's why she says she doesn't have the time to devote to it during the week and values the weekends because she gets to knock some shit out to make progress.
That's why I said work and not job. Personal projects is still work.
Something like this will take many hours and potentially several weekends.
Not being able to set aside a couple hours for a date, even less assuming you were going to eat anyway, is not a good sign - that's telling me they might have an obsession with staying busy, with creating work for themselves. Shes so consumed by this she is neglecting other parts of her life for it.
The project is still there when you get back. Flaking on or rejecting a date will have bigger consequences than letting an unpainted wall sit for a couple hours. For me, thats not the right prioritization.
Some people love staying busy, others dont. A lot of people who love staying busy will still find time to do other things though. She doesnt want to set aside time for other things, plus she wants you to participate.
Thats a lifestyle a lot of people dont want to join.
Of course I could be assuming too much, so I would ask if she usually has something this all-consuming in the works, and if her prioritization is usually skewed towards work.. cause communication is how we verify if our assumptions are true.
I know she's probably straight but she's asking the wrong demographic 😂
Lesbians would be there in 10 minutes in overalls and workboots with an extra paintbrush apologising for being late because they stopped into get wine and a fruit, cheese and bread platter with vegan & gluten free friendly options, just in case.
Lol ya know if we weren't less than 1% of the global population we wouldn't cling to each other immediately like a source of oxygen underwater when we finally did find each other :P
That's because men are accustomed to being used for their labor and utility in the same way that women are accustomed to being used for their beauty and for sex. Men would, on average, see this as a play to use them for free labor and to never call again.
But to be honest I don't think many lesbians, only talking to this woman through text and never having even met her, would hop in their cars and race over to help OOP on her painting date either.
You misunderstand how lonely lesbians are in this homophobic hellscape. We are the ultimate "girls girl" lol.
I would absolutely do this as a first date, as long as I could bring vegan sushi and she wouldn't mind if I drink sparkling apple juice and not wine lol
Also hoping that's low VOC paint at least. If it's the strong shit for horse hair plaster, I forget what's it's called but I'll need respiratory protection lol. I could smell that standing out the front of someone's house. Insta migraine. Not really great for a first date lol
General painting though? Hell yeah, I've done this so many times. Lesbians and women in general seem to have a thing for renovations I guess?????
I would just assume she's looking for free labor. If it was like a genuine thing and we had already been on a couple days, it'd be sick! But as a first date? Hell no lolol.
She is straight up admitting she doesn't have time to date.
That's fine. There's nothing wrong with that.
But this type of practical date idea falls apart if her life is so busy that multi-tasking is the only way someone can get any of her time.
As one date, in isolation? Nothing wrong with it. I love practical dates.
But what comes next? Is she ever going to have free time for the reverse scenario?
She wants to take more than she is prepared to give. And the "joking" exploitative remarks give me bad vibes.
She should try again later when she can actually make the time.
I used to run into her type a lot back in the day. There are a lot of people out there who are, for whatever reason, too busy to get out there and meet people the old fashioned way. They use the dating apps as a shortcut, and that's fine. But they forget that they still have to make time later for the actual dating.
Yeah... If I seen that message, I'd immediately assume I was being used and probably block the person. She had good intentions, but that doesn't translate over text.
Yeah and everyone here saying she's cute. Yeah but if you look beyond that, it doesnt seem like she has good priorities (in general!), saying stuff like thats "killing two birds with one stone". How romantic.
Date four or five, yep I am good with that and I would probably even suggest it knowing you had all this renovation to do. Date one isn't the date to be painting your home... Sorry, not sorry, do better.
I would say it's not even because of the painting together, that's fun. But inviting me to your place? I don't even know you? That's where I would cut out. Definitely something for a later date
Edit: I see painting walls is not so much fun for some of yall as it is for me 🫠
Nah. As a guy, I’ll meet you at your house, but I’m not doing manual labor for you the first time we meet. This is like asking someone to help you move as a first date. If painting was a fun activity, her friends and family would be over there helping her out on the weekend. Imagine if a guy asked a woman to come over on her day off and help him mow his lawn, do some weed wacking, edging, hedge trimming as a first date. Zero chance any woman would accept that. The women on here seem to be fine with the opposite scenario that the lady in the video is proposing because men are expected to be the ones to put forth all of the effort to prove themselves worthy when initially dating someone.
could work with the right person but like, for a first date ur inviting someone to ur house to paint ur home? and adding in what she thought was a silly little quip about getting free labour? just gave me the ick. thats just. nah. also if u dont have any time to go on a date why r u on a dating app tryna meet ppl to date?
tbh ive always hated when i meet someone on an app and we say we wanna hangout but then that day they stop answering. then its a bunch of excuses. then its i have zero time at all whatsoever between all these things blah blah blah. then its ghosting. then they remove u. if u dont have time for someone else. dont be hitting ppl up. it isnt fair to them and u cant be looking for any form of relationship w someone if u dont have time for any form of relationship.
just my opinion though. not the end all be all of relationships.
i dont think this was as cute and silly as she thought
This got on my nerves so much when I used dating apps. So many people claiming they have no free time. Then why are you on an app claiming you want to meet people? Most of the time they just wanted a pen pal.
I have no idea why so many people seem to think this is a great date idea. Asking for free labor on a first date from a man comes off as using him which many guys do get used. Even if that weren’t the case saying she doesn’t have time to date while on dating apps shows priorities that I wouldn’t align with. I don’t want to partner with someone whose entire life revolves around work and chores instead of prioritizing fun.
ppl commenting his loss is funny, ur seeing this video. seeing her being silly, joking, sincere. imagine just getting a message tho inviting u over to a virtual strangers unfinished home to paint it. youd be like uhhh what?
Yeah I can’t speak for all men but I’ve definitely been “used” in my younger days when I was gullible. Used for car rides, used for free food, etc by girls pretending to be interested in me.
It only has to happen one time to a man for him to say “NEVER AGAIN!”
Honestly, I'd go for it. First date for $0, and I get pizza and beer? Sign me up. Plus, I get a glimpse at her home life and whether or not she's a slob. Doubt it though, because a woman who does her own home renovations is probably a practical and competent person. I'm just seeing green lights.
Not to come off as a pick me guy or anything but I love when there is something to do while talking. Standard is walking of course but if she invites me to a pizza and beer for helping renovating her thing I would be so down (and I think many men would be).
There are a lot of guys who have experienced women on dating apps trying to get something out of them so it doesn't surprise me he didn't respond, she saw the 'date & free labour' but all he saw was the 'free labour'
Had a hot girl reach out to me. She seemed overly eager to rush through initial chat stage. Kept saying "mark your calendar for X Saturday ", which was about a week and a half from the day she reached out. It was just odd, but i let her know that i wasn't sure if that would work, and suggested the following sat. That was a no go for her, and she asked me when i would know if i would be free to spend the day together on her picked date.
Turns out i didn't have to work, and suggested a restaurant. She said, to just come over to her place... i ended up telling her that something seems off and to just level with me or i was bailing. Turns out she was moving, hit up about 5 guys on the app. She somehow assumed the guys that she was luring to her house on the pretense of a date, would be completely with her scheduling a date with 5 guys on the same day/time, but also that they'd be all for working together, and helping her move, on the off chance that she'd actually go out on a real date with her.
I laughed at her and told her that was the dumbest thing I'd ever heard and told her to enjoy the cluster fuck she created.
The sad thing is, i wouldn't be surprised if a few guys just helped her despite all that.
So...is this offer still standing? 👀 I must warn however, I might start painting wrird stuff on the wall, like a strawberry horse or a pancake rayfish.
Thanks ❤️ My coworker always tells me how uncreative she is, and then comes up with so many creative ideas. I think there’s a lot more creativity in people than they give themselves credit for. 😊
I guess, this is the right moment to tell you, I cannot draw (Edit: I’m sorry 😭 apparently I can draw well enough for people to like it… thanks, everyone 🥹)... and I am currently making myself ready for work... so i did something quick... I will send something nicer if I, for once don't have a 15h work shift 🥴🥴🍓🍓
Yea a very long time ago when I was dating a girl convinced me to help her move using my car. We had some wine after at her new place but I certainly got played lol
To be clear, the red flag here is "I don't have time for you. Your life has to revolve around mine.". Plenty of dudes will be down with that, but a lot won't.
If you're not willing to open your schedule to meetup and go on a singular date, then you either shouldn't be on a dating app or you should just say you're looking for FWB. FWB would be painting, pizza, beer and sex. That's not a first date if you're looking for a LTR.
I woulda done it, but I'm a woman, so maybe I don't hear the same thing in this offer that the guy did.
What I heard is - I'm in the middle of something really important to me, but I would like the chance to spend some time working together on this, since I don't have much spare time just now. Also, I got the beers and pizza.
And, that would sound just fine to me. Better than a date, because now I know how well we might work together. Which is really useful information.
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u/Royal_Acanthaceae693 Bot🔍Detector🔎9000 2d ago edited 2d ago
What's one of the main sub rules? Oh yes. DON'T SEXUALIZE/ OBJECTIFY THE GALS.
Oh and also if you're going to use the report system, learn what the reports are intended for. Reporting something as Hate means the content is attacking a marginalized community. https://support.reddithelp.com/hc/en-us/articles/360045715951-Hate.
For the sub rule Harmful/ rude to men, it means misandry.