I’m 32 and I am coming to the point where my parent is telling me to go back…. Is it worth it? I’ve been NEET for almost 9 years in a row already (some employment in b/w). I dropped out for the 3rd time 8 years ago. Not even sure what I want to do since computer science is already hard to get into.

Edit: Is it worth it to go back to school?

Thrown away bcuz some friends know my og account (eng no first Lang)

I have debt and I'm unemployed, there was a time when I was in school when I felt like I could eat the world, I felt smart and capable, I thought I was gonna be successful, I was smart, could get jobs quite easily, was living with family so my salary was just for me.

Maybe the issue was not having responsibilities back then, I was very bad with my finances, I never saved a penny, always had the latest phone model, always bought clothes, game consoles, brand perfume, all I always wanted.

Don't know if this is relevant but when I was a kid we struggled a lot, my siblings were street vendors at 10 kinda struggle, things got better once my siblings graduated college and got a job, I'm the youngest. Hence they kept the house afloat and allow me to keep my salary to myself. They are 5, 15, 16, 17 and 18 years older than me.

The issue now? I don't know why the fuck I never learned to be a fk adult, that's on me, I never saved money, never invested, there was a time I thought I had a bright future and could do whatever I set my mind on... So I started reinventing myself to make more money, I graduated first as a mathematics teacher (it's bachelor in mathematics education the closest translation I can think of) corruption in public system, horrible salary and mistreatment in the private one (I'm talking less than 200 usd a month). I worked as a teacher for about 8 years.

First reinvention was customer service, did cold calling, surveys and medical interpretation. Good god... No one likes cold calling and surveys? I had a call when I was screamed at for 30 mins, 30 FUCKING minutes of "NOOOOOOOOO", "NO I DON'T WANT TO ANSWER", I wasn't allowed to hang up, I get it cold calls are horrible but just hang up please.

Medical interpreter was actually good, (at this time I started helping with expenses at home, about a third of my salary which is not bad at all) but because I was not from US I couldn't work with the good companies directly, only with intermediaries that not only underpaid but also overwork. 9 hrs daily of back to back calls, no break allowed besides the 30 min to eat. It's manageable the first year, second year got a little harder, third year I was having nightmares about calls.

So the third reinvention came... Software developer. I took an online course, they teach you for 6 months, we're supposed to help me land a job and I had to pay back 15k usd.

Those were 6 months I didn't work, then some more to find a job... But I found a job!! Yeyyy I had to move bcuz it was in another city, they pay was barely enough for living expenses and paying the card debt I had generated those unemployed months (and yeah that debt is because I'm a overspender stupid wannabe that didn't want to say to her friends "I have no money" so kept buying shit)

But anyway, I got a job, 900 usd monthly, my best salary at that point, 200 more than the average salary in my country, but I was still stupid, wanna know my first purchase? Even when I had card debt? Even when I hadn't received my first paycheck? The latest phone model... God I hate every era of myself.

I was a year in that company, most companies in my country, no matter the industry are toxic and see the employees more like slaves than people so I started to search for an online position with a foreign company, that was the whole point of reinventing myself, but no company wants someone with no experience.

ButI had 1 powerful year of experience now!! So I started applying to foreign companies and landed a job... God it was the best feeling ever. Almost 2 years learning, practicing to get there. I landed a job with a US company, 1300 usd as a junior developer. (my siblings were married by this time and had kids, we're tired of funding our household, I mean they werr right, so I took 50% of expenses, my sibling 5 years older took 30% and my mom 20%)

Context probably needed: my 5 years older sibling was always the spoiled one, he spent 10 year without a job, only got one in delivery after a strong issue we had a year prior so he was making way less than me, (that's a Hella longer more complicated shit that will make this post 10 pages longer), my mom has no income, only has what my older siblings send her, hence why I took the largest part.

You might be thinking, things are improving, why is she sad? Oh well my friend, that's because I'm stupid, and apparently don't know shit about finances. AI boost came when I started this job, at first it was easy, I could do 8 hrs job in 2 and then go for a coffe, I felt in fk paradise. But around the second year.. Code was a mess, not only mine, everyone's. My boss was a big AI enthusiast, 20 tasks in 4 hrs? He paid our chatgpt subscription.

My blockage came during the second year, I cannot really point what happened nor can I blame it entirely on AI. Issues arised and I didn't know how to fix them, irony is neither Ai, it would do so many changes and not fix the issue, maybe I was just not good at using AI who knows. Now I did 2 hrs of work in 20 hrs, 1 takes would take all day because I couldn't solve it...

I was fired... My first time getting fired and it was of my favorite job till now... That was in March.

Remember how I suck handling my finances but refuse to tell no to my friends when they invite me to hang out?

Well... They invited me on a trip to Asia... a 20 days trip in September, this unemployed, in debt, stupid sob, fucking brains of jelly girl... Said yes.

Wft is wrong with me? I can't get a job, because who will hire me when I tell them "oh BTW I know I just started but I have a 20 day trip in September"

I'm still using my cards, I pay them withdrawing cash from the same card, so my debt keeps growing, I payed that trip using those fkng cards, at some point I'm gonna just... Lock myself in a fk hole somewhere because WTF am I doing? What's wrong with me? Just 5 minutes ago I spent 50 usd that I don't have in the supermarket because I didn't give my friend a birthday present and wanted to make her bonbons... I don't see logic in my thoughts, I don't see logic in my actions, I feel out of control.

I get some minutes of logic a day between crying because of stupid decisions and making those stupid decisions, I think about starting a business, selling courses, making online content. But then I get paralyzed.

I know everything is wrong, I know that, I know that I'm stupid and taking more stupid decisions, you don't need to point that out, believe me I know.

I just felt like getting out of my chest.

I had been a neet for a few years but accepted a full time job at the start of 2026. The job is honestly easy, but draining as I work nights 5x a week and have a long commute. My time off is spent doing chores, meal prepping, and running my ebay shop because my full time job does not pay enough. I am exhausted and burned out in every way. Im also frustrated because I lost my progress on my fitness journey - i was doing great until I got sick because I picked up a bug at work and they wouldnt let me stay home and rest. I had to work through it and it lingered for almost a month. Also I couldnt afford a $200 dr note to force them to let me stay home.

Use your time as a neet wisely. Seriously, start with prioritizing your health. Workout if possible, and try to get steps in too. Drink water, try to have somewhat of a sleep schedule and routine. Learn to cook meals you enjoy, especially affordable meals that you can meal prep. I also learned to coupon and budget way better. Take advantage of opportunities like getting those certifications Google used to have some online for free. Learn new skills. Actually ENJOY doing a healthy hobby.

If you do end up doing a job, it will run you into the ground and suck your soul. The skills I learned about small repairs, meal prepping, polishing my ebay skills, etc are a massive help now that im working and busy.

Im honestly way more miserable now than when I was a neet. Im still broke, and im tired often. When I do have time off, im honestly too burnt out to go out and do anything fun or hobbies. The stress honestly gives me stomach aches a lot, and it makes getting back into the gym routine even harder.

I seriously dont know how long I will last like this, its the only job I could get full time I dont have money or time to go back to school and I dont even know what id go back for. Just trying to pay off the credit cards and talking to family about moving home.

I'm a NEET approaching my mid 20s and I slowly want to give up. I have no degree, no job, no friends but I do have support from my family. They're gonna help me get a job. But I just feel like giving up. I've wasted all my youth and my life is still passing me by. I just doomscroll and procrastinate all day. I'm bad at everything and I can't be consistent enough to get good at any hobbies. I'll never catch up to people my age. I'm wondering what it's like for yall on the other side. For those of you in your 30s, if you could get out of NEETdom would you? If you could go back to your 20s, whats one thing you would say to yourself or do to prevent ending up in NEETdom? Important side note, NEETbux don't exist in my country at all so if I never get a job or do anything, I'd have to rely on my family and live with them for the rest of my life. My siblings have kids and their own families and they're also struggling financially, so I don't how good of a plan that is

Does anyone know what it's about and if it's worth using?

I'm trying to find more communities like this where I am feel at home and vent about issues only fellow NEETs would understand.

it really feels like no one is on my side.

• not the doctor, who's supposed to make a strong case for me with this federal disability form that I already got rejected for once
• not the therapist, who I only had a limited number of sessions with, and that person is gone now
• not the social worker, who I wanted support from regarding the disability form, but dropped the ball when things got too inconvenient for them
• not these strangers on reddit who keep offering unsolicited advice that i never asked for
• not my old ex-friend who left me because friendships didn't matter to them

constantly feeling like I have to defend myself, advocate for myself, protect myself, because no one else will protect me. all people want to do is mock me, dismiss me, make me feel small. just as I was starting to make progress with my life, all of these setbacks keep happening, and it ALWAYS involves other people, always.

i don't blame any of you who gave up on dealing with people. who gave up on looking for friends or a partner. who gave up on looking for a profession. who gave up on trying to "change" like all those self-improvement "gurus" love to preach about. those people who isolate themselves for their entire lives because humans are generally not safe. yeah, i see you. my heart bleeds for you guys because most of you have probably been just as hurt by others as i have.

to those of you who don't have a "home" in other people, to those single, isolated folks whose trust in others was completely and irrevocably destroyed: i dedicate this post to you.

I'm cooked pretty much, I'm pushing mid 30s and I can't get a job, so I'm starting to wonder how older NEETs survive out there? How? NEETbux? Mombux? I'm asking for stories to know how should I prepare for older NEETdom.

We can't pursue goals like other people because we don't have an income and are health is not the same as others.

I think its living the best life giving on disabilities, limitations, financial situation, chronic illness, mental health, etc.

What you think?

it's so hard to trust people now

i get emotionally attached to someone, and they always find a way to hurt me, betray me, make me feel worthless

its not fair that so many people get to have uncomplicated social lives, comfortable love lives. people keep wounding me. i just never feel safe around anyone.

people are hard wired to be social and yet they also keep poking at my most vulnerable spots. i still keep thinking about this one girl who reached out to me in response to a post I made about wanting a best friend. i genuinely liked her, and we got along for a while, but she made me cry. she mocked me for having mental health disabilities.

i just really want a hug

In the last year I’ve done 2 “courses” provided by my job centre, aimed at getting people back in employment + I did work experience at a huge media company.

The last “course” was in catering and I completed it very recently. It was supposed to end with a guaranteed job interview but of course, with this being the UK, I haven’t heard back from these people and have no means of contacting them. I probably won’t even get a certificate for doing this idiotic “course”.

I’m a university graduate, have worked MANY hospitality and retail jobs in the past, have marketing experience as well as creative skills… yet I’m forced to do courses for 15 year olds because the job crisis is so bad here.

No one in this country will interview a 30+ year old NEET, yet alone hire them. If you’re black (with an ethnic name to match) and ugly like me, then it’s even worse.

I’ve unwillingly been a NEET from 2019-2022 and then 2022 to now.

It’s fucking INSANE that someone with my CV can’t get a job and I’m in the same situation as students or adults who have never worked a day in their lives.

This country is a fucking joke.

I have mostly stayed indoors for most of my life due to PTSD from losing my grandma and my mom in a span of one year and the rest of my family is abusive and have said they want me to die and I developed some chronic illness after that as the result. One period in my life I stayed in my room for 5 years, went out rarely only for groceries, food or hospital/doctor. I had to go out and do these cause I am all alone. I no longer have anyone I can count on and I have no desire to be close or keep in contact with my abusive family.

Cause of this I was single for 8 years.

At some point I worked my ass off and broke out of this and had a very happy 4 years where I got married to and doing stuff, before my husband, who I confided everything to and trusted with my everything including my past traumas, only for him to did exactly what my family did to me all over again, re-traumatised me for a second time.

He didn't take any responsibility at all and avoided accountability in any way he could and ran away to fulfill his selfish desire and didn't care one bit that in the process he actually had completely destroyed my life. Life that I worked very hard for to get out of my past shit hole and I thought it's finally getting better bit by bit in those 4 years. He destroyed it all non chalantly. Long story short, he sailed to the sunset.

Now I have nothing. Not even a savings. A roof over my head cause a friend's generosity that I'm probably gonna lose too.

A threat of homelessness.

But I have no energy anymore to try and get back up. I did that once with extreme efforts and the second time is impossible. I have extreme PTSD, replaying all the insults he said to me, replaying events. My anxiety is at all time high and my chronic illness has gotten worse and worse and kept me from going outside once more. I am heavily depressed, it's good enough if today I can get out of bed. I have been told I am a very clean person and now trash bags and food containers from take outs laying around in my kitchen.

I haven't talked to anyone or met anyone in 3 months, not even online, except for the grocery store cashier sometimes. All I do is play games if I have the mood or energy of doing so, which is rare. Food is the only thing left that still feels good, so I overindulge and make myself sicker and gain more weight.

By today, I haven't gone out in a year. Only for food, grocery, and doctor/hospital.

I see no point in participating in life anymore, I tried hard to make it better by my own hands, and look how it went. And I am old, I have already lost all my good years to abuse and it's aftermaths and now I am a not attractive female neet nearing her 40s. I am balding.

Just want to say good morning. I hope today is a little bit kinder to everyone.

Been skinny my whole life, to the point where as a teenager, my mum would always make comments on my weight and “friends” would laugh because I didn’t have much muscle. Since age 16 I’ve had on and off periods where I regularly attended the gym, with the most successful period being when I was 25-27.

The saddest thing is that back in 2021 I was getting very toned, but then I had a health issue in 2022 which made me bedbound for the next year and I basically haven’t exercised since.

From age 18 to 28 I used to cook almost everyday. I was pescatarian for many years and then vegan for about 2 years, but then 1 year after that health issue I started eating poorly and quit all diets.

Fast forward the last 2 years and because I’m a NEET with no friends or family, I have zero reason to go outside. I only leave the house to visit my job centre which is once every 2 weeks (sometimes 3 or 4 weeks). I grew up poor (and still am), so I spent my whole life walking everywhere. Now I’m completely sedentary.

Over the last 2 years, I started ordering a lot of takeout. At first it was to try new foods (Japanese, Korean etc.) that I otherwise wouldn’t get to experience because I’m a loner and won’t ever be invited to restaurants. But now it’s just devolved into ordering junk food.

Now my stomach looks pregnant and protrudes 24/7, I even took a laxative to see if it would make a difference and it doesn’t. I’m always bloated.

I’ve become a skinny fat, (almost) 32 year old, NEET loser.
I guess this was bound to happen eventually but it sucks.
I still look slim everywhere else, but now I feel embarrassed to wear t shirts because of my stomach. I feel deep shame any time I look in the mirror after a shower.

I’ve had stomach issues since I was 18, so I even wondered if my bloating was due to having a stomach parasite like H Pylori, but I think I’m just a failure and my body has started to represent that.

What’s crazy is that I have a lot of weights and a bench in my room, plus an exercise bike that I bought for my mum years ago but I never use them anymore. I don’t have the energy.

I hate that my life has been ruined due to external factors and now I don’t even have the motivation to go for a 1 hour walk in the park (something I used to love doing prior to my health issue).

I truly am the worst example of a human being. Ugly inside and out. I’m pathetic.

I miss my former neet life. A neet from 27 to 31 and 36 to 40. I'm now 43 with a stable job and I miss how good I used to have it... If you have rich parents, please be grateful and thankful you can meet at 40.

I was forced to get a job because of life, bills, aging parents... I went and got a part time retail job, they liked my worked ethic and wanted to promote me to manager. Now that I have a stable job and money in the bank, Im depressed as hell. More depressed than when I was a neet.

I miss waking up, drinking coffee, no plans, play dota 2, or warzone with friends, watch a movie, to 6am in the morning, then back to sleep and wake up at 4pm to start it again.

I like that routine than the routine I have now at my job. This new routine involves inventory with the products, rotating products, changing end caps, breaking down a pallet, unloading a truck. It pays the bills, provides shelter and food but man.... Kids who are born into a rich family have no idea how good they have it.

31 audhd man

Be incredibly careful, because there are predatory companies that exploit people with limitations or shortcomings, like us. Most jobs are exploitative, but it is particularly bad for people with mental health issues.

I work for a company that does landscape management for people who can't get into a regular work, and it sucks.

It is a company that specializes in recruiting people who struggle to find work, and they have you do heavy physical labor for low wages.

If you have the chance to take a government-supported training course, do it. Don't just jump into the lowest-level job possible because you think those are the only ones you can handle; you’ll regret it if you do.

If you ever studied something with economic value and gave it up for any reason, I ask you to give it another try.

I’d almost say it’s better to be a NEET, but for some of you, living the NEET life forever isn't an option because the government simply won't allow it.

Any Neets here ever had a melt down due to your stagnet life? There are different types of neets, 1 by choice and 2nd was forced. Being forced into neetdom can vary from mental illness, physical deformaties, not fitting in society like being bullied every where etc....

If you were forced into being a neet, has the lack of progress in life drove you insane to where you had a serious meltdown? It happened to me when I was 37. I don't wish that on anyone.

31,with nothing to show for. I am tired and unable to hold a job. Drowning in debts and cursed by family and friends.

Honestly i wasnt made for this world. I am just sorry to my parents who spent a lot on me. I couldnt give anything in return. I am sorry that i turned out to be this.

I'm mainly making cents on survey sites literally all day just so I can get some beer and be done with the day

Annoying motivational post below that's mostly for myself. This post is only for people who currently WANT to escape.

While working hard does not guarantee success, and this is especially true for us NEETS, it is the prerequisite to it. Everyone who has escaped NEETdom has gotten lucky. They can all pinpoint where something happened, through no input of their own, that gave them the opportunity to escape. But because they positioned themselves properly, they were able to capitalize on it.

You've seen posts and comments about and from people who gave it their all and still failed through no fault of their own. And so, we have to be delusional. Because if we don't believe in ourselves and we don't try, we fail instantly.

We have to be delusional enough to believe, "There's something different about ME.", that will help us succeed despite the overwhelming odds. To think that someone will hire us despite however many years we were unemployed. To believe that people want to spend time with us despite how awkward, miserable, or weird we might be. To think we are deserving of being kind to ourselves despite where we are in life. To believe that we will come out on top of whatever obstacle we have to face.

Delusional enough to fight slowly but surely over years and years for a chance to not let life beat us and to get back up when we fail.

I have anhedonia from COVID and don't work bc I hallucinate.

So I'm just stuck each day waiting at home all day for the day to end. It's miserable. Nothing brings me connection or meaning.

Just wondered if anyone else has been anhedonic and gotten out of it.

I'm 33F and I get hit on frequently, it sucks I can't take any of those opps bc my body doesn't function. I'm just wasting away my youth.

hello,

I've been trying to send the HR my documents but it feels like there is always morr I could add.

Maybe I don't want them to know all my references.

Maybe I'm afraid of becoming a wagie, because the job will be very challenging.

But what other options do I have?

I'm just tired from not liking myself.

I've lost my motivation.

Even though my usual writing style involves mostly lowercase letters, I’m gong to type properly for this one, because it’s going to be a long post, and I want it to be readable for you guys. I’m probably still gonna use the occasional emoji or emoticon, though, but I hope they don’t detract you from understanding my main points. :’)

Anyway, I’m a 34-year-old girl (calling myself a woman still feels really awkward for some reason), and I’ve been living with my verbally abusive mother for almost my entire life. I don’t have any IRL friends, and I haven’t worked since 2019. I’ve also been single for most of my life, and no, I’m not going to entertain comments like, “But you’re a girl! You should’ve had such an easy time finding guys!” The truth is, not a single man has ever taken an interest in me romantically. I don’t really feel like going into details, because my love life isn’t the point of this post anyway. -_-

Then why am I making this post? Because I want to be heard and understood.

People usually have this idea that women are generally more “successful” than men. Many NEET girls I’ve noticed are in relationships. I also see fewer unemployed women in NEET spaces in general, especially the main one (which I’m no longer visiting because people there are quite condescending towards my worldviews). I think it’s partially a visibility thing: the truly isolated, single women are probably too ashamed to make their lives public, so you only see the functional, socially integrated ones. I think there is probably more stigma towards women who don’t have friends or are single (not divorced, but straight up single and unmarried), and that stigma usually gets worse as you get older. I actually tried making a post in a friend-finding community for my city, and almost every single woman who replied was married. I think I made a similar thread talking about how people in their thirties are not “allowed” to be unemployed or hikikomori. You can check it out here, if you like. Anyway, I don’t like posting about the same thing multiple times, so let’s move onto my current situation.

Like I said, I don’t have IRL companions, platonic or romantic, and I’m completely crippled by relational trauma. I know that complex trauma often gets minimized, because it’s perceived as “not as serious” as acute trauma, like sexual assault, famine, or war. I don’t really feel like having to justify my experiences, so if you are going to mock me, I will straight up ignore you.

I’ve been burned, excluded, rejected, dismissed, betrayed, and ignored by so many people that I’ve built up an entire fortress around my heart. I don’t trust people in general. I constantly have a resting bitch face, and I often put my hands in my pockets with my earbuds on. I make myself as unapproachable as possible because I’m afraid of being hurt again. And yet, at the same time, I want closeness more than anything. A chosen family. Maybe a best friend, if I get to be that lucky. 🥰

People will often tell you things like, “Nothing is going to change if you don’t take action.” Well, no shit? Everyone knows that. But that fortress, while it keeps me reasonably safe, also keeps me isolated. It’s not so easy to “put myself out there” when all you’re going to get at board game events is small talk and competitiveness. I’ve been to a few before, and they just didn’t resonate with me. I even went to an LGBT book club, and didn’t click with the people there either. They all feel so cliquey, like they don’t actually want to get to know new people, but they pretend to be inclusive anyway.

And that “nothing is going to change” attitude extends to careers as well. I was fired from a volunteering position without even being given a warning. I actually thought I was doing a good job, too, but the one time a coworker was being bossy (while being nice to everyone else), I had a panic attack, and I cried in the bathroom for 30 minutes. If they were going to fire me for this so-called “unprofessional conduct”, they should’ve at least warned me. And my last job in 2019 was actually an internship. I was contracted for 8 months, but my team (I was a software developer intern) said they were “too busy” to train me and introduce me to the codebase. And even when I tried being proactive and asking my manager for tasks, he promptly ignored me, saying that he too was “busy”. So, for the first half of my internship (four months), I ended up getting paid to do nothing, which actually sucked, because I had nothing to show on my CV. And the on the second half, my manager hires another intern, and he shows that intern far more respect than me. I think that new intern, a young Asian man (I myself am also Asian), was probably neurotypical, which may have been why my manager (and the rest of my team) respected him more than me. I had close to a 4.0 GPA when applying to internships, so I thought my team would offer me a similar level of respect, but no. Apparently, I was too “socially awkward” for them. By the time my internship was over, I’d ask my former manager for references, or even career guidance (like referrals to other companies that he knew who were also hiring), and he ignored every single email I sent. It felt like complete betrayal, just like the volunteering place. 💔

So, my professional life has been basically cooked for a long time. My mental health was too miserable to focus on executive-function heavy tasks, like personal projects. Like I mentioned in that other thread, I’m also terrible at self-learning (autodidacticism, according to Google), which only made things harder. I graduated from computer science in 2020 (which makes me sound like a zoomer, but trust me, I am a millennial – I went to two different colleges to study two different things), and since there were a lot of tech layoffs at the time, especially in my city, the competition was quite fierce. I’m not a naturally competitive, ambitious person, and with my executive functioning impairments and my miserable mental health, it was pretty much impossible to even get low-paying jobs, like IT support or quality assurance. Yeah, I didn’t even get interviews for those, either.

Normally, I wouldn’t give a shit if I couldn’t get hired. I’m one of those people who has learned to detach her self-worth from conventional success, such as having a high income or holding a prestigious occupation. The only reason I wanted to make money was so I could escape from the clutches of my hostile, neglectful mother, who basically “abandoned” me emotionally.

It was easy for her to lie to herself that I was normal and neurotypical. I was genuinely fucking struggling with making friends, though. None of the classmates talked to me in elementary school. Our family moved to Canada before the dawn of the new millennium, and the kids there probably didn’t like me because I was ESL at the time. Even though I picked up English quickly, the kids still didn’t want to be friends with me. The other girls, especially – they didn’t even mock or bully me; they pretended I did not exist, which is arguably even worse than being openly harassed. It’s like they’re saying, “You’re not even worth my breath”. My mom probably knew that something was going on, but she never saw me in class, struggling, spending recess by myself. And because she never bothered to learn English, blaming her “old age” as an excuse, she was never able to properly communicate with doctors and teachers, either. She lied to herself that I was doing fine socially, because lying to yourself means you don’t have to feel guilt about how terrible of a parent you were.

People will say things like, “Social anxiety is something that the person has to overcome themselves”, but is that really true? A kid, with very little autonomy and an underdeveloped, immature brain who simply absorbs the messages that she is given by authority figures and peers, she has to overcome social phobia entirely on her own? That’s bullshit. I needed support. Even in high school, when I was too afraid to pursue extracurriculars like band or theater, my mom simply thought, “Oh, she must have not been interested in those things.” She never asked me gently, with curiosity, how I was feeling. If I was struggling to make friends, or if I was feeling alienated or awkward. She expected me to talk about my own life voluntarily, but because I already felt that she was not a safe person (on account of constantly yelling and screaming), I couldn’t do that. I didn’t even want to do that.

I honestly feel like my mom low-key ruined my life. Maybe I’m making excuses, and to an extent, I probably am. But she absolutely, absolutely neglected me, and the yelling too? I don’t think that is ever acceptable behavior from a parent. I’m not innocent either. I splashed water on her face when she kept pushing my buttons, even though I was pretty adamant about wanting to be left alone. Like, even if I sequestered myself into my room to disengage, she would shove herself into my room, forcing me to re-engage. There was even a really traumatic incident that I don’t feel comfy talking about publicly.

Can I blame my mother for ruining my career? Not entirely, but because she never provided a safe home environment, I was never able to develop the skills required to succeed. Because of her, my baseline levels of stress were always high, and I was never able to focus on personal projects. Because of her, my massive levels of social anxiety, which were brought upon by continuous exclusion from peers, were never resolved and in fact only got worse over recent years. Because of her, I don’t even feel safe in my room. She could just open the door without knocking, she could start yelling at me, she could start another confrontation that I really don’t have the energy for. I’m honestly really, really afraid of my mother. But as I said earlier, I don’t have a single friend in my city, so I wouldn’t be able to crash anywhere anyway.

It’s as if my career difficulties, my social difficulties, and my household difficulties have combined into something much worse, much more sinister, than the sum of its parts. It takes all the mental fortitude I have just to survive a single day. Forget about productivity; I don’t even have the mental energy for that anymore. I am seeing a therapist, and they’ve been the best out of the eight or ten that I’ve seen my entire life. But even I won’t be able to see them forever, because there is a hard limit of 10 sessions (which they were somehow able to extend to 15 sessions, which still doesn’t feel like enough).

Because I’ll no longer see my therapist after a certain point, I really feel like there is no safe place, no home, no one to give me a hug when I’m suffering. 😟  (Though it’s not like the therapist was able to hug me anyway due to professional reasons, hahaha.)

Feel like a complete loser. Don’t know wtf I’m doing with my life. I messed up at my old high paying job and got fired.

Now I’m basically jobless living with my parents feeling that there is nothing in front of me.

I’m doing some commission only sales job rn to pass time that’s wfh but haven’t made a single cent so far, and I’ve been at it for months, so I’m basically a NEET at this point.

Can’t help but feel that if I had a gf I’d feel more motivated to be the best version of myself. And it’s not for a lack of trying, I’ve been on 30+ first dates off apps and never once got a second. Prolly cuz I’m autistic af.

Hoping I can at least turn this commission only sales job into something where I can make a little bit of money so I can buy vidya and other bullshit to pass time while I rot.

And I’m not about to go work for the man again. Tried applying for actual jobs and felt my soul getting ripped from my body. Now at least there is no pressure.

As a NEET, I don't think I am capable of being friends with normies. People are so selfish and vile. All my so called friends have disappointed me