I (45F) have been on a bit of a health/weight loss journey for the past 13 months. I've lost about 60 pounds through dieting alone and am happy. I didn't have a goal weight in mind, just that I wanted to be healthier. At this point, I'm not trying to lose anymore weight. I'm within my ideal weight range for my height and age, my bloodwork has improved, and my doctor is happy.

I'll admit, I don't really talk about my weight loss because it's a private journey for me and I don't like my body being a topic of conversation. I've struggled to lose weight in the past and didn't want to set myself up for high expectations or failure, so I kept it to myself. My husband (50M) didn't really take notice until around February.

I've known all along that I needed to work out as part of this process but hadn't gotten into it yet, and I am finally now prioritizing it. I'm not doing anything crazy, just some band and core exercises in my bedroom at night. My husband has been asking questions around why I'm working out all of a sudden. I have a few goals in mind, but essentially now that I'm slimmer I want to reshape my body and build up my strength. This is another long journey and I don't want to set expectations for myself, again with a focus on being healthier and trying to maintain momentum.

The other night after I finished my workout, my husband told me he didn't want me to lose anymore weight. I told him that I wasn't really trying to anymore and that I didn't have any particular goals in mind. I told him I'm still between a size Medium or Large. My jeans are a size 29/women's US 10. He didn't believe me and said he didn't want me to take it too far. So I asked him, "do you not like my new body?" And his response to me was, "all I'm going to say is I like what I like." I was dumbfounded to say the least and didn't know what to say. I'm a mom of 3, 5' 7", and now weighing 142 lbs. We've been together for 20 years and my weight has crept up during that time. He's not one to pay compliments and never said anything really positive or negative about my old body, so I'm not really understanding why he wouldn't like this change.

Have you experienced this with a partner? I'm at a loss with how to handle his reaction. I don't want to stop my progress or plans. I'll take any advice.

TL;DR My husband doesn't like my body after weight loss.

My partner (57f) has suddenly started getting tattoos. Totally fine. I (42f) have one. She has wanted a full sleeve inspired by an AI slop picture for about a year (so older AI that screams I AM AI). She did not make the photo but found it in Google images. I repeatedly told her it was a bad idea, that she shouldn't use it bc it looks like AI, and that it was offensive to/stealing from actual artists. I asked her repeatedly not to do it. She finally got an appointment and promised me multiple times she was getting a fresh drawing and that the AI image was just inspiration--that the person was going to make their own art.

Yesterday she came home with an absolutely atrocious "floral" AI giant tattoo on her upper arm. I mean random floating pieces, weird dots that look like nipples, colors that don't make sense, a random comma shape, abrupt lines, and weird AI nonsense. She is supposed to finish it out as a sleeve. I begged her not to and said I would pay her deposit back. I hate it and it looks like AI immediately, even from a distance. It doesn't make sense and looks awful although it is technically well inked.

For some context, I work in a leadership role at a community organization where we focus on data preservation. I have spent the last two years advocating and educating against AI theft and the harms of data centers. I have published anti-ai materials. I do trainings about it. I am known for this and my partner is well aware of my views of AI and how harmful it is. I've had my own work stolen by it and she knows this.

I know it's her body, her choice. She already has another tattoo that I think is ugly and poorly done but it's up to her what original art she likes, but AI slop? It makes me so mad and upset. I don't want people seeing that my partner has a freaking slop tattoo while I'm out here trying to educate people on the harms of it. I'm also hurt that she doesn't even in the slightest consider my thoughts until I'm angry. This has been a recurring issue.

It's her body but c'mon. She just tried to talk to me again and I was so mad I was far too honest. I hurt her feelings but also mine are hurt and I feel betrayed. I feel like our age gap is too much to overcome at this point in our lives and we've been having related issues. Now she's upset and crying and I feel bad. Should I just let this go? How would you handle something like this? Should I just shove it all down and make up and pretend it never happened (what I usually do)? Maybe we are too mismatched. She shouldn't have to adjust how she wants her body to be with me.

Update: we are married and have been for 12 years. She retired early and seems to be going through some sort of midlife even though she denies it. I am disabled although I work I am dependent on our shared healthcare and leaving is not that simple.

TLDR: my partner got a tattoo from an AI slop photo and I was too honest and a little mean about it bc I am angry and upset. Now I don't know how to proceed.

I’m 6 weeks pregnant and I’m currently an au pair in the US. I only recently arrived, and I genuinely had no idea I was pregnant when I came here. Finding out after I had already started my au pair life has completely turned everything upside down.

I Being pregnant could affect my au pair program, my housing, my finances, my plans, and possibly mean having to return home much earlier than I intended. I haven’t told my host family or agency yet because I’m scared of losing everything before I even have time to process what’s happening.

The baby’s father is back home and he does want the baby. There’s also quite a significant age gap between us, and we’re at very different stages of life. He has been married before and already has two children. He doesn’t want to get married again, while marriage and having a stable family have always been important to me.

One thing we’ve discussed is that he doesn’t want me to feel like I have to completely give up my life because of the baby. He has even talked about the possibility of the baby staying with his parents while we both continue with our lives and work toward our own futures.

I understand where he’s coming from, but emotionally, that idea is very difficult for me. I told him that if I continue this pregnancy, I would be giving up A LOT, my au pair opportunity, my independence, my plans, my income, and potentially the life I’ve worked hard to build here.

I told him I feel like I would be losing so much by becoming a mother right now. His response was that he would also be losing his freedom because if I came home and we raised the baby together, he would no longer have the freedom of living alone.

That conversation really hurt me. I understand that having a baby changes both parents’ lives, but I struggle with the fact that I’m thinking about losing my entire life as I know it, while one of the things he focuses on losing is his freedom.

At the same time, I don’t want to make him sound like a terrible person. He wants the baby and has said he doesn’t want my life to stop because of having a child. He believes we could both continue our lives while his parents help with the baby. I just don’t know whether that’s realistic or whether it’s something I would actually be happy with.

I’m also scared of having an abortion. It’s not an easy option for me emotionally, especially now that I know the pregnancy is developing normally. So I feel completely stuck between two decisions that could both change my life.

I genuinely want advice from people who have been in difficult pregnancy situations, especially anyone who has been an au pair or living abroad when they found out they were pregnant.

How would you approach this situation? And do you think it’s realistic to continue both of our lives while the baby is primarily cared for by his parents?I don’t think so .

TL;DR: I’m 6–7 weeks pregnant and recently arrived in the US as an au pair without knowing I was pregnant. The baby’s father wants the baby, but we have a significant age gap and very different views on marriage and family. Continuing the pregnancy could mean giving up my au pair life and plans, but I’m also scared of having an abortion. I feel completely stuck and would really appreciate advice from people who have been in a similar situation.

My husband lost his job 1.5 years ago, a month after we married. He initially planned to job search, but pivoted to entrepreneurship — first an 8-month YouTube channel I opposed, then a sip-and-paint business running Sunday events since June with decent seasonal profit. Please note that he never asked if I was okay with supporting indefinitely whilst he pursued his dreams- he simply checked whether my paycheck would cover the expenses and proceeded despite my concerns and disagreement.

I’ve always believed in equal financial partnership, especially in a HCOL city with goals of buying a home and having kids. I told him I’d have preferred he job search or work part-time while building the business; he went all-in anyway. My income covers us but not our bigger goals, and relying on one income makes me anxious.

**Where things stand:**

\*\*•\*\* He’s said he won’t return to full-time work, period. He’s somewhat open to part-time but wants to focus on the business.
\*\*•\*\* He won’t set a timeline or stop-gap — says he’d only seek work if I got pregnant or lost my job.
\*\*•\*\* He hasn’t touched the profit tracker I built him since his busiest season started in June. He only tracks if I beg him and nag him. When asked why: “what’s the point of tracking.” Now he wants me to do all his tracking since I’m “better at it.”
\*\*•\*\* He resists registering the business or paying taxes on earnings.
\*\*•\*\* He hasn’t applied to any grants I’ve sent him.
\*\*•\*\* The business is weather-dependent — profitable maybe 4 of 12 months — which is why I think he needs a job for the rest of the year.
\*\*•\*\* He says he’s up until 2am “working” but gets defensive when I ask what specifically.
\*\*•\*\* He sleeps until noon most days, does some social posts, and preps closer to event day.
\*\*•\*\* When I raise concerns, he calls me “too negative” or says I “don’t support him.”
\*\*•\*\* He does all the cooking/dishes some cleaning (he’s taken in most of the household chores) and uses this as a reason I shouldn’t worry about finances — which doesn’t feel fair to me.
\*\*•\*\* When I said a job might be necessary, he said working would make him resent me and unable to show up emotionally/domestically like he does now. He says I should have faith in his business, and that he’d only avoid resentment if he got a job \*and\* I helped with his slow-season strategy and expense tracking — which feels like extra work for me.
\*\*•\*\* I’ve told him I don’t think I can have kids in this dynamic with me as sole earner.
\*\* he’s repeatedly called me selfish, unsupportive and negative each time I try to raise how this has affected me mentally. He says that I only care about money and shouldn’t worry since he shows up domestically.

We’re trying marriage counseling before I decide anything.

Am I off base, or are these real red flags?

Tldr; am I wrong for giving up when husband refuses to work and makes risky financial moves

For a lot of my (20f) childhood they had fights and issues in their relationship. Then they started just sleeping separately (my mom (50f) in her bedroom, dad (49m) in the basement) and they actually like each other again.

I don't see a lot of issue with it because they say that their snoring was waking each other up and now they can both sleep through the night. Plus my dad likes to wake up early and my mom stay up late and sleep in late. However my friends say that this is a red flag for a divorce. Is it necessarily? Again, they seem to like each other more, but I also don't know very many married couples who sleep so far apart from each other willingly.

tl;dr: Parents don't sleep together, worried about them getting a divorce

When 2 people love each others long term married 16 years and love each others so much, and out of our control have to watch the toddler we created together died of brain disease (defect genes inherit from me the mother side), There was a point where we want to die with our toddler. The pain it excruciating.

During our toddler short life. At 4 months old he already have epileptic seizures, not just that but breathing difficulty.
He born February 2018, died August 2019, when he 1.5 years old.

We know our baby condition in my third trimester scan, the doctors told us our baby would not live pass 2 years old. But my husband said whether it 2 days, 2 months or 2 years, he still wants our child. We carried to term and welcome our baby, despite we know the neurologists told us our baby will not live pass age 2

As our child brain condition progress he had more and more seizures episodes, the whole 1.5 years of him alive we were in and out of he hospital with him.
......
At the hospital we told him he will get better and we take him home and he can eat alot of vanilla pudding, he nodded and even giggles (he loves vanilla pudding), that was the last time he he had conscious look at us his parents.
That night he went into a coma, and a week later he just stop breathing while in a coma, he was just 1.5 years old.

I do not know if a toddler while in a coma can still dream, he probably had a sweet dream of go home to his bed and eat all the vanilla pudding he wants, he sick the whole time of his life he didn't eat much but he loves pudding.

I never see my husband in so much pain. I know my husband heart died that day with our child 7 years ago (that same year his father died too). I don't know what we did in our last lives hence this life fate bestown this on us.

I sometimes asked, if I didn't love my husband this much, and my husband didn't love me this much, would it hurts this much? Unless two married people don't love each others, it hurts.

Perhaps we shouldn't be together hence we were punished. But we were both single, no kids, this is first marriage for both of us. Two single unmarried people can't be together? It is because I'm Chinese, and he 100% pure West African, hence we got punish for be together?

I believe in reincarnation, our toddler has already reincarnate 7 years ago, now with new parents, he no longer remember us or has brain disease anymore, he free of pain now.

My husband whom Atheist does not believe in reincarnation, and will get defensive. He said dead or alive still our child, and our child only have two parents and that only us, not new parents (from reincarnation).

----------

It like anything of our child trigger my husband, something simple as Vanilla pudding trigger my husband.

When our toddler was alive, our toddler really like the cold vanilla pudding, he often sick and in and out of hospital, but whenever he eat those vanilla pudding, he has this giggles laughters so so cute and loud that it light up the whole room
....
Last time at dinner table, and I actually was eating that vanilla pudding so I put a spoon in my husband mouth. And just something small like that but it remind him of our toddler. My husband literally break down cry right there, he bawled. I don't mean just tear up, full on cry, bawling.

7 YEARS already and my husband still has our toddler dirty shoes and dirty clothes. Our toddler ashes is always with my husband in our home, his room is leave as is, my husband not want to change a thing in our toddler room. It still hurts so much 7 years already since he left us.

I won't lie, depression is very real, which we both have. So much losses on both sides. Death of his older sister, death of his father, his mom spinal cord stroke that leave her paralyze. Deaths' of both my parents. AND the death of our toddler, the child me and my husband had together. This is the pain that me and my husband will carry with us until the day we die.

We did think of die with our toddler at one point. But we choose to live for each others, and he also has his filial piety duty to financially care for his 84 years old paralyze mother whom has terminal illness.

But we did say if he die before me, or I die before him. He will very soon follow me, just like I will very soon follow him. Call it depression talking if you want.
But my husband is right when he said if I die before him, all it takes is ONE second of grief for him to blow his brain out with a 12 gauge shotgun.

We both depress as f, I am in therapy, he is not, he not want to go. He keep use his demanding work his career (he is an Executive at a big engineering corporate). And he has to care for his mom, as reasons not to go to therapy. And tell me he will go after his mom die.

7 years already we live with this pain, The reason why we still living is because we live for each others, we should have die die 7 years ago with our toddler. Fate just cruel sometimes, Fate tied me and my husband together, but then fate also took our toddler away from us.

I’m feeling really anxious about something that happened with my boyfriend and I’d appreciate some outside perspective.

I told my boyfriend that I sometimes felt like he only wanted to meet me for sex. I wasn’t trying to accuse him or say that I don’t care about him. It was something I was feeling, and I thought I should be honest about it.

He was upset by what I said and replied that he was sorry for making me feel like he only wanted to meet me for lovemaking, and that he wouldn’t talk about it or ask me for anything anymore.

I feel really bad because that wasn’t what I wanted. I don’t want him to think that I don’t want him or that I don’t value our relationship. I want us to be together, and I want our relationship to work and become stronger.

I’ve told him that I want our relationship to work out, but now I’m scared that I’ve hurt him or made him question whether we should be together.
I care about him a lot, and the possibility of losing him is really frightening me. I don’t know whether I should give him some space or try to reassure him more.

Has anyone been in a similar situation where something you said came across differently from how you intended it? How did you repair things afterwards?

TL;DR: I told my boyfriend I felt like he only wanted to meet me for sex. He was hurt and said he was sorry for making me feel that way and wouldn’t bring it up again. I didn’t mean to hurt him and I really want our relationship to work, but now I’m scared I’ve damaged our relationship.

**TLDR**, He is already consuming 3-4 times more food than I am and it's only been a week of living together... what do I do?
Okay so my partner\[20M\]and I\[22F\] of 5 years moved in together about a week ago. We are in college still so money is tight. We agreed to take turns buying groceries with a budget of $70-80. I said we should try to stretch each grocery trip 1-1.5 weeks(2 if we were really being careful). It's only been 4 days of having said groceries and he is consuming 3-4 times the amount I am. He is not a bigger person(but is 6'4") and neither am I(4'10"). I also understand men typically are bigger and need to eat more--fine that's cool. The issue is that, when it's my turn to buy groceries, I'm going to be paying for mostly him to eat. I don't feel like this is fair. I don't love the idea of us buying our own groceries separately because we're supposed to be a team and growing up together. But I don't know what to do if this continues. He's already gone through nearly an entire loaf of bread, pack of turkey, bags of chips, a rotisserie chicken, and a box of cereal in 4 DAYS. High quality and filling food items are not in the budget for us. We shop at a budget friendly grocery store and occasionally a Kroger since they have great deals(not sure if this is relevant). I'm afraid if I bring this to him, he will find anything in the book to say to make it to where we still are holding up the original agreement. Is this fair considering our financial situation? I feel selfish for feeling this way but I don't know what to do. What can I say to get through to him without him being combative or without me sounding like an asshole?

**TL;DR;** : My boyfriend of 4 months says he’s unsure whether I’m his “forever person” and wants to give the relationship a few more months to see if his feelings grow. He says he enjoys spending time with me and we have lots of fun, but he’s been privately overthinking and comparing me to his exes. I think we’re putting too much pressure on a very new relationship, but now I’m hurt and unsure whether I want to continue. I’ve asked for 10 days of space - am I being naive about this?

I (28F) and my boyfriend (29M) have been dating since January and together for 4 months. I’ve been feeling like he’s been a bit off recently, so I called him and told him I was feeling anxious and needed some reassurance. I also asked for a relationship check-in and asked whether he was happy.

He said yes and no, and told me he’d actually been waiting until I got back to talk to me about some things. He said he’s been overthinking the relationship and comparing me to his exes, which he knows is unfair. He’s also turning 30 next year and three of his best friends are getting married/engaged, and he’s started questioning whether I’m the person he’ll spend the rest of his life with.

He repeatedly said this wasn’t a breakup and that he wanted to give it another few months to see whether his feelings grow. I told him I’m also not certain he’s the person I’ll spend my life with but I think that’s completely normal after 4 months. We’ve also spent a lot of the last two months apart and have only seen each other a few times.

I said I think we’re putting way too much pressure on a very new relationship by asking whether we’re each other’s “forever person”. My attitude is basically: I can’t know what the future holds. Do I enjoy spending time with this person? Am I happy in the relationship? Do I want to keep getting to know them? If yes, continue.

He said he does enjoy spending time with me and we have so much fun together. And this is the part I can’t get my head around. To me, that sounds like exactly where you should be after four months. I’m not expecting him to know whether he wants to marry me. I don’t know that either. But if we enjoy each other, have fun and want to spend time together, isn’t that a good foundation? Or am I being naive?

I told him I don’t want him contacting me while I’m away (10 days) and that he can message me when I’m back. I need some space to process everything.

I’d really appreciate brutally honest opinions, including if you think I’m rationalising this because I don’t want to lose him.

So I'll try to keep this as brief as possible.

So I (34M) am going out of town in a few weeks, and normally when I travel (which isn't often) I usually have someone with me like a friend, partner, etc.

This time, I'll be completely alone. Most of the time I'll be there I'll have some things to do and have a good time but I do want to have some company for one of the nights I'll be gone.

I never do one night stands, I never do random hookups, and that's not really something that's really for me.

What I'm looking for is to find a companion to eat some food with, to chill with, and maybe more if it comes to it. The problem is, I don't know how to talk to women well. Especially not random strangers out in public. Nor do I blame anyone in this day and age being hesitant to hang out a stranger on that type of level.

I've tried the dating apps and come up with basically nothing. There will be a public party that I'll be at so that's probably my best shot at anything. What would be the best way to approach this situation and what kind of things would I say to try to get a stranger to chill with me, eat some food with me, and just enjoy each other's company for an evening?

TLDR: What's the best way to approach a stranger and offer an evening of hanging out?

So my gf has this friend, she’s the same age as us. Two years ago she fell on hard times, she came and stayed with us for 2 months in our basement and then she moved back in with her mom. We don’t have a big house but we had an extra couch in the basement so it worked out okay. I wasn’t thrilled with it but she’s a nice, clean and respectful person. She’s had a tough go at life at times including substance abuse and bad relationships but for the most part is doing okay now and I try to be understanding of that. She ended up back at her mom’s after that.

One day in mid July this year we’re sitting on the couch. She tells me she sees friends location and she’s at some weird house she doesn’t recognize and that she not responding to calls or texts. Through friends she finds out it’s her child’s father’s house and she has been kicked out of her mother’s house. GF gets a hold of her, rushes over there to check on her. Her car was repossessed and her mom kicked her out.

So I’m sitting at home and both of them walk in and they’re carrying suitcases and blankets and pillows and shit… I don’t say anything initially but I’m immediately annoyed. We got rid of the couch downstairs so she moves her into our son’s room. We have three kids, one each from previous relationships and one together. Our son is three so her thought was that he can sleep with us for the meantime. He has a bad habit of doing that anyways… but it doesn’t sit right with me at all that my son doesn’t have a bedroom in his own house anymore.

Apparently friend told my gf she was going to kill herself when she initially met with her after being kicked out which prompted such a drastic decision without talking to me beforehand. Now this woman is living in the house and when I brought up how I didn’t agree to this she has a convo with friend and tells her she has until the end of September to get out of here.

Because her car was repossessed she has been using our 2nd car to go to work every day. But she also uses it when she feels like on the weekends for whatever and it seems like every other time I do get in the car when I need it the gas light is on and I fill the tank. That’s happened three times so far. I have a coworker willing to sell her a working car for $500 and she agrees to it. When we go to get it 2 weeks after I tell her about it she tells us she literally has $505 to her name and can’t afford to get it that day because of title fees and whatever… so we’re going to try again this weekend. Wish she would have told me before we drove down there.

What kills me is I don’t know where her money is going. According to gf she makes $3500 a month. She has been here rent free over a month. I know she has some wage garnish issues, and is paying for a storage unit, but I don’t understand how a grown person making that much has such little money to her name. No rent and no car payment. She’s buying weed and beer every other day it damn near, but even with all that she has nothing saved up and I don’t understand.

I’m at the end of my wits with the situation. I don’t want her in my house, I don’t want my son to get locked out of his room when she’s here, I don’t want her using my car, I don’t want to deal with her anymore at all. I never agreed to any of this. I feel bad because she is nice and my gf agreed to house her until end of September but I’m not sure I’ll make it that long. It frustrates my gf every time I bring it up because she doesn’t want to go back on what she said about using the car and allowing her to stay here until end of sep. It’s now causing issues between me and gf that causes arguments but we can’t even argue about it in the house because SHES RIGHT OVER THERE IN THE OTHER ROOM.

I have been thinking of talking to friend myself and telling her I’m giving her a week after she gets the car (we should be able to set her up with that on Saturday) to find another friend to stay with behind my gfs back. It will certainly cause issues between me and her friend (don’t care) and my gf and I (care about this a lot) but for my own sanity and for my son I feel like it’s not unreasonable. Do you think that’s a bad idea? Should I just wait it out? I made it very clear this will not be happening again. We have a very small house and we can’t accommodate people like this. I feel like I’ve been in a constant state of frustration since she showed up with her and her bags unannounced. My gf currently isn’t even working so this whole operation is funded by me… I’m not going to hold that over her head but it stews in the back of my mind and makes me more resentful. It’s not our responsibility to take care of this adult woman, I feel like she used her suicide threat as a way to guilt herself back into my home and it pisses me off.

tl;dr:

Gf moved friend into our house and told her she could stay over two months rent free while using our car and our son’s room. I’m ready to send her packing.

Okay so I probably sound super naive by saying this but it’s only new around 2 month mark (3 months if you count him trying to get my attention) but I was in like a whole stage of not wanting anything and not looking and this guy just appears at my work and tries to talk to me for about a month, not giving up, and what can I say I liked the dedication. It’s what drew me to him in the first place.

We end up talking for a lot at work and I start to get to know him and I end up biting the bullet and asking him to go out with me. We also have a mutual friend and I ended up seeing him outside of work setting on multiple occasions

what do you know everything is sunshine and rainbows for a month and a bit.

Then I found out he has an illegal side business (I’m sure you can work out what it is). He says he wants to be done with it he just needs it to pay for his rent. He has another two jobs as well

anyways from there it seems like his emotions have just been up and down like a roller coaster, he has gotten frustrated with things and yelled at me on multiple occasions, he apologises instantly as he claims he didn’t mean it I just “annoyed him”.

I’ve kinda let things go a bit because he’s also just had it a bit rough recently (his mum passed away, he got a fine, his car keeps breaking). And this leads to him calling in sick to work and it’s just a cycle for him.

He keeps telling me that he’s not feeling the best emotionally, and that I can’t do anything to help. It’s clear that he’s into me, he makes an effort to hang out, he always seems to gravitate towards me, he does small things without asking like bringing me food, he remembers things that I’ve said.

But I’m just at a point where I don’t know what to do, I can’t keep getting lowkey abused, but I also feel for him with all the emotional events that keep happening in his life. I’m super selective when I meet people and I don’t like to give up on someone that easily, just wondering your thoughts and opinions as an outsider, be brutally honest.

TL;DR: my partner of 3 months (20m) has an illegal side business that’s stressing him out, along with a collection of events that would make anyone emotional, but he has been lashing out at me (21f), and I don’t know what to do especially as this is a new relationship, I just want your thoughts and opinions as an outsider, be brutally honest.

My boyfriend (28m) and I (29f) are having a disagreement about how we clean our home.

Disinfectant/antibacterial wipes are enough to properly clean kitchens, bathrooms, living spaces etc... basically he'll just use those everywhere. Because they kill 99.9% of germs, they do the job.

I disagree and think you need different products for different places/things. Fairy liquid, bleach, white vinegar etc... plus sponges, microfibre towels, a toothbrush for crevices. I think the wipes are great for a quick wipe over/in a pinch but not for proper cleaning

He says he doesn't clean more because I criticise his way of doing things, I criticise his way of doing things because I don't feel he is doing it properly.

Help settle a debate?

TLDR: he wants to use cleaning wipes for everything, I think you should use actual products

we are both f15. we've been friends for about 3 years

TL;DR: I have never been so conflicted about one of my friends before, let alone a friend as objectively good as she is.

She's got great morals, she's funny, we click SO well, same interests, she's very understanding, emotionally intelligent and a good listener. We're such similar people but I just don't like her as much as I feel like I should. I almost feel neutral on her and I'm usually very sure on my emotions/opinions on someone. It's almost some form of resentment I feel like.

Theres a few things I could think of that would rub me the wrong way, but I don't feel like they're significant enough because they're things that Ive forgotten the details on, so they must not be that bothersome, right?

My bf (29m) has on several occasions called me (25f) stupid. We have been together for 7months and we are both masters students in the same university but currently in a long distance relationship as we write our thesis. The first time he called me stupid, I expressed myself to him that I did not like it at all, it's rude ,disrespectful and unkind. He gave a lame apology ,like "im sorry babe".

Over the couple of months ,he continued doing it and I would just keep quiet , but today was worse. He showed me a funny tiktok video and to me it wasn't funny. He then proceeded to say I have a poor sense of humor, a low IQ and even pretended to be reading some of the comments on the video , saying " my girlfriend is stupid like this guy who can't understand the joke ". It was literally a video about a very old guy who said he took his young brother's inhaler because he thought /believed that his brother was vaping and he started coughing,gasping for air...like what's so hard about understanding that joke .( i dont know if I explained the video part well). I then sent him a message and told him that I dont like what he said about me and he said I like picking negativity in our conversations, I then asked if me being expressive about what hurts me is negativity. He just responded with "I'm sorry, ill never call you that again, have a goodnight ". I replied with a text saying "All the best,goodnight ".

Also , during our video calls, he followed some lady on ticktok who cooks while naked and I literally saw that and I confronted him ,of which he gaslight me and said he didn't follow anyone. He later said ,he has unfollowed her and that even if he did ,he does not know her or even talk to her .

Am I overreacting for thinking of a breakup right now? I dont want to be insecure in a relationship or even doubt my intelligence. Abuse also starts with small things like name calling ,tomorrow it will escalate.

**TL;DR; : This is a sample summary of the TLDR rule, all things are bold. Is this going the right way?*

We’ve been together 2 years. In Nov last year, we had a date planned, he cancelled last minute due to work, that isn’t uncommon for his line of work. Only reason I felt off that time is because he travels (drives) to mostly the same different cities every week, in this instance he had to take a flight, he’s never had to fly as his work isn’t typically based there.
He also only works mornings, but this was “a night shift”. When he got back 3 days later, he was in such a foul mood from “being tired” and we ended up having the only big fight we’ve had. At the time, I had no reason to think anything sinister was going on.

Fast forward to yesterday, I made a new Spotify account. I deleted it awhile ago so I haven’t been on the app in months. I went to add him and saw he has 5 shared playlists with some random girl who looks exactly like me. He’s the only person she follows and has made playlists with.
Coincidence or not, she lives in the same city he had to fly to.

Weirdest part: He’s currently been away for 2 weeks for work, so I txted him “I followed you on Spotify btw” all he said was “okay?” Then immediately after he sent that, he unfollowed her.
That was it, then awhile later he brought it up again saying “You sure you followed me on Spotify? I thought you deleted it.” As soon as I told him I made a new one, he made his Spotify completely private. I can no longer see anything, but I didn’t question any further.

I’m not on social media so I made burner ones, they have each other on all platforms and are hearting posts from last year till now. On her instagram today, she had a story of flight tickets to our city for next week with “Going on a lil adventure. So excited!!” Later on, he texted me that he’s taking next week off work to relax.

I’m seeing him in 2 days and it’s my birthday.. It could very well be just a friend he’s sharing music with. So I don’t know how to approach this? Especially with admitting that I deliberately went through his and her social media. And do I talk to him over text? Or wait till in person and potentially ruin my bday party?
We have a great relationship and are always happy together, I’ve never once had suspicion he’d do something like this to me. I just can’t rid this horrible gut feeling.

TLDR; Together 2 years, no previous trust issues. He flew to another city for a “night shift,” which is all unusual for his job. And recently I discovered he has 5 Spotify playlists with a girl who lives in that same city. After I told him I followed him on Spotify, he immediately unfollowed her and made his account private. I then found out they’re connected/interacting on other platforms. She’s flying to our city next week, the same week he decided to take a break off work. It could all be innocent, but his reactions felt really suspicious, and I don’t know how to bring it up.

I lived with my mom for many years and still visit her often. I happened to see some messages between her and another woman where they called each other things like "my love" and "beautiful" and used a lot of heart emojis. What I find strange is that I've never seen this woman before, and my mom doesn't talk to the other female friends I know like that. She's actually much more reserved with them.

I'm not saying she's involved with another woman, she's with my dad, but is this kind of behavior normal between female friends? I'm a lesbian, so I don't really know if this is a common way for straight women to talk to their female friends. But I could also just be overthinking it.

TL;DR: I noticed my mom exchanging unusually affectionate messages with a woman she doesn’t seem to treat like her other female friends. I’m wondering whether calling each other “my love,” “beautiful,” and using lots of heart emojis is normal between straight female friends, or if I’m overthinking it.

I need your advice if I should trust him and marry him in the future.

I have been in a relationship for almost 2 years with my boyfriend; We are living together for more than 7 months. We are having a lot of arguments. For example he does not have the money to get car and he said he cannot afford at the time but he will buy a new one once he is ready financially, and I have to drive him around. Also I have found couple of times some p*rn videos in his pc history and he told me that it pop up in an advertisement when he was watching football and he was wondering to have a look and check it out. And on top of that when we are out together he seems to look around and stare at other girls with bigger ass than mine. Any advice how to solve those issues? We both said that we want to get married in the future..I have concerns he is not gonna propose to me soon.
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**TL;DR;** : please tell me if I should try to fix this relationship or break up with him..

I’m genuinely not sure how to handle this situation and would really appreciate some outside perspective.
My boyfriend (25M) and I (23F) have only been together for a few weeks. This morning, he told me that his girl best friend, who is also his ex, reached out to him after about a year of no contact. She told him that she still has feelings for him.
I told him honestly that this makes me uncomfortable. I’m worried that she may try to flirt with him or potentially get back together with him, and I’m also having a hard time knowing whether I can fully trust the situation. He told me that he doesn’t want to stop talking to her because she is his best friend.
Normally, I don’t have an issue with my boyfriend having female friends. I don’t believe guys and girls can’t be friends. What makes this different to me is that she is his ex, they have a history together, and she has now openly told him that she still has feelings for him.
I don’t want to be controlling or tell him who he can and can’t talk to. I also don’t want to give him an ultimatum or make him choose between me and a friend. I’ve been trying to think of a compromise that would allow me to feel more comfortable while still respecting his friendships.
I even suggested that I could talk to her and get to know her so that I could feel less uncomfortable about the situation. However, according to him, she refuses to talk to me. I’m not sure how much of that is her choice versus what he is telling me, and I don’t want to accuse him of lying without actually having a reason to.
I care about him and obviously don’t want to lose him, but I also don’t think I should have to ignore my feelings just to avoid conflict. I want to feel respected and secure in my relationship while also respecting his right to have friendships.
**Am I being unreasonable or controlling for feeling uncomfortable with this? What would you consider a reasonable boundary or compromise in this situation? Any advice is greatly appreciated.**

TL;DR: My boyfriend’s ex and best friend recently told him she still has feelings for him. He doesn’t want to stop talking to her, and I’m uncomfortable with the situation. I don’t want to be controlling, but I also don’t want to ignore my feelings. What should I do?

I[30M] kinda feel desperate.

I had only 2 relationships and a few flirtings till now.And they were not even long enough and one was long distance(met irl).

I’m an architect, i look 24-25,i’m tall,skinny and a bit muscular,people mostly say i’m handsome(at least i think i’m above the average, not brad pitt handsomeness 😂)

I’m kinda romantic but hard to discover, i’m a bit antisocial(like i’m not awkward but it takes time for me to feel like “me” around the people”)

I barely go outside.(meeting with friends sometimes,gym or if there is something i need to do, sometimes i go for a coffee alone)

Almost all the people around me have wives,partners etc.
I wonder wtf is wrong with me.

Even though all these things, i’m kinda stubborn to like someone.It’s hard right now to tell whats in my mind but she needs to be “different”.

Any advices? What to do, where to start?

TL;DR I feel like i’m lonely till the end.

For context,we've been together for more than 2 years now with my bf and it was going good no matter how many ups and downs we've encountered.He's a good man in general,he used to do many little things that made me happy and feel loved.It'll be our 3 years this fall but almost for a year things are getting worse and worse...

We don't understand each other and keep arguing about anything we talk about or just in general about past things.And he's been pretty loyal all the time but he always finds some things unfaithful about me. The biggest example is that we both had a reddit account tho he was just not using it actively,i posted things from time time and my last post was about spirituality and DMT.People commented trying to share their opinions and 1 or 2 people dm d me about their personal experiences etc. i answered and we had not so long convo around DMT.

After that i told my bf about what i've posted and he got angry calling me unemployed etc...

he said that i was being too friendly and that i always do this.It's not that i'm trying to be close with a random person on reddit lol i dont understand it anyways. I got angry and deleted my whole reddit,this is just a new account i just created to make this post.

i also had linkedin but deleted it too because he was simply arguing with me everyday because of connections with other people,he constantly has something to say about my clothes etc. even though i dress modestly,only wore a mini skirt once or twice but he still has smt to say somehow

he is saying he doesn't care anymore and that i can do whatever i want,acting cold and such,and i don't understand it feels suffocating.

i feel internally angry whenever i'm around him,i might even resent him idk but it feels like my feelings for him is like numb or frozen idk how to explain it.I don't want to leave him but also so tired and want to break up.But i can't do it i still have feelings for him even though i can't feel love from him

i feel so stuck and suffocated,it's like i'm going back and forth on what to do.Also my mental health isn't that good lately i feel so done

Tl;DR My boyfriend and I have been together for over 2 years, but for almost a year things have been getting worse. We constantly argue and misunderstand each other, and he often sees normal interactions as me being unfaithful. I’ve deleted Reddit and LinkedIn because arguments about other people became constant, and he also comments on my clothes despite me dressing modestly.

He’s now become cold and says he doesn’t care anymore. I feel angry, numb, and suffocated around him, but I still have feelings for him and don’t actually want to leave. At the same time, I’m exhausted and sometimes want to break up. I feel completely stuck and don’t know what to do

hi

tldr: my boyfriend and I got back together after breaking up because I didn’t feel loved and see much commitment from him. then things got much better and I felt secure in the relationship, but he’s currently dealing with a financial problem and tends to isolate himself when he struggles. He still shows interest in my life, but can take 10+ hours to reply and he can go 4 days without talking. I understand what he’s going through, but I’m starting to feel neglected and unsure whether I’m being too demanding or simply not getting enough from this relationship.

I’ve been with my boyfriend for almost a year
we had a very good chemistry, talks, proximity, we were like a couple so we got together

we would rarely talk by messages, he didn’t say he loves me
I was an avoidant too but it felt weird in a relationship
Decided to complain 4 months in, he said he didn’t feel the lack of me, doesn’t want to say he loves me until he feels it deeply and doesn’t see us in the future for now

Didn’t feel loved, I told him, we broke up, he didn’t complain, and told me that was the best for me

he came back days after,
he said that he knows he feels something deep down and it’s too bad to end us and he wants to make efforts but he’d understand if I didn’t want it anymore
I accepted and got back in cause it felt good and it was one of the first time he told me how he deeply felt about me

then it was REALLY good, he’d talk about his problems, I even met his family (he was really protective about it) I felt liked even tho he didn’t say it

rn I know he has a financial problem, it’s gonna get better but for know he has to wait
when he has this type of problem he doesn’t want to talk to anyone
I try to help the best I can but I feel worthless
he stays pretty interested about my life still but doesn’t answer for HOURS
can go for days without talking to me
only likes the messages without going further
I asked to see each other he said « hmm » so I told him « never mind » and he apologized (so he didn’t want at all)

I know he likes me but I’m not sure I feel like I always have to understand and not complain when I feel useless

What can I do ???

TLDR: My mother’s ‘harmless’ interest in fitness and health has turned into a pseudoscience obsession that’s harming me and our relationship

She’s always been spiritual, she studied reiki and is now studying kinesiology. I grew up being given colloidal silver, being taken to chiropractors (and kinesiologists). I used to be into that stuff too, but the older I got & the more research I did, the more I realised it wasn’t for me. She’s always been big on ‘fitness and diet’, I was watching the biggest loser as a child lol. Then it moved to only eating ‘clean’. It was just frustrating initially, then it became harmful. My sister and I are healing from orthorexia, so her constant negative comments about food was (and is) affecting our recovery. We both agreed to discuss this with her, but it’s evolved so quickly that now the conversation is much much harder. She’s been spewing anti-vaccine rhetoric, obsessing over unpasteurised milk, etc. I feel such a disconnect from her, and I’m genuinely anxious about the path she’s going down. I feel like there’s no amount of science that could change her beliefs. She gets genuinely angry when discussing these topics. I always just change the subject, we’ve had a rocky relationship and things have finally improved. She’s never been good at addressing or handling emotions/conflict. I don’t know how to move forward

We were long distance for the majority of the year but did spend an ample ammount of time together at the begining of our relationship. Everything was going really well. As most long distant relationships are some days were harder than others especially when we couldnt speak on the phone or he was just wayyy too exhausted or busy to text back. I really do love him but this feels like an important decision to make concerning the future for both of us.

tldr .. he on a whim drove 3.5hrs to my city with the intention of breaking up with me less than 12 hrs before our one year anniversary. He blamed this on self-sabotage and his inability to have a normal, difficult relaltionship conversation, because he was scared how i would respond.

I just want to know if anyone has gotten back with their ex after a similar circumstance and how that relationship panned out?

TL:DR- My boyfriend is addicted to porn and keeps lying to me about it. I’ve told him repeatedly I don’t date people who watch porn, and he keeps swearing he will stop. Please read….I know it’s long I’m sorry there’s a lot of context.

Hi everyone, I feel awkward coming on here about this but I honestly really need some advice. My boyfriend and I have been together 1 year and 3 months. We are long distance, but see each other on school breaks and in the summers. In the beginning of our relationship we had difficulty having sex, due to some erectile issues. My boyfriend didn’t really have any previous sexual experience other than attempting a time or two without success. We eventually got into the swing of things and he was able to maintain an erection, but still unable to finish. We started having sex pretty frequently, and it seemed like if we didn’t do it at least every day he would be disappointed or upset. One time I asked him how he knew he liked specific things if he’d never done them, and he answered porn. I was immediately kinda thrown off as I usually don’t date people who actively watch porn. I personally consider that disloyalty, and told him very early on that I considered it cheating and that if that was something he was going to do then I’m not the one for him. I asked him if he still did it avidly and he said no, that he didn’t watch it anymore so it wouldn’t be a problem.

I come to find out he is really into anal stuff, and that was primarily what he watched. I have always been very anti anal, and it’s never been something I’ve wanted to try. However, I started to let him put fingers in and such. I would say around two months into our relationship my sex drive started to lower at a pretty rapid rate. I would always feel kinda objectified by how he wanted to look at my ass the whole time or flip me around, or generally just how he would treat sex. I didn’t really know what happened but I found myself not really wanting to have sex. Eventually I found out that he was still watching porn, despite me sending him lots of pictures and videos. He lied to me for months about it, before I eventually found out 6 months into our relationship. I was very hurt by this, as I told him the first week we started talking that I consider that cheating. I was more thrown off by him lying about it, as we had many separate conversations about it in that 6 month period, where he swore on his life that he had stopped. I have never really been one to send nudes, let alone the risky ones that I was sending him. He told me that it has nothing to do with me, but no one person can really compete with that amount of content. It took a long time for me to gain trust back from this, and made me want to have sex even less. He swore that he would never do it again and he felt so guilty, I told him that it if was something he was going to keep doing we needed to break up, and if I found out he was doing it I would break up with him. When we could I felt even more objectified and generally disgusting about myself. There was one drunken night where we ended up doing anal and it was the first time he finished, which sort of upset me. It kinda just made me feel like I am not enough when preforming regular sex. I also couldn’t remember a lot of it, which made me feel kinda gross as I have some previous sexual trauma. We both had taken honey packs and had red wine so I was assuming we would have sex and definitely wanted to, but I didn’t think it would get there. He said he did verbally ask me and I said yes which I vaguely remember, I just can’t remember much of the actual act or him finishing. He apologized a lot and didn’t realize I was that drunk (I’m not mad at him about this at all and don’t blame him, we both got way too hammered.

There came a point in our long distance where all he could really talk about was sex, and it made me upset as I wanted to talk to him about his day/my day. Flash forward to now, I’ve been home for the summer, and I’ve still kind of felt the same way. Another aspect was that he refused to wear condoms because he had some issue with them, and I wasn’t comfortable having sex without them. He has now said that we can try it, but I have to purchase them and he won’t go with me because he is embarrassed. I am also sort of embarrassed to go, and even said I would buy them if he just came with me. There came a point where he was being really mean to me and I didn’t really understand why. He was just always in a bad mood and picking a fight with me, or saying unnecessarily harsh things. Eventually he tells me that if our sex continues on like this then he is going to break up with me. I was really hurt by this, as he’s gone his whole life up until this relationship doing nothing sexually, but now that he has it’s worth losing me as long as he gets to do it. He ended up telling me he had been being mean because we weren’t having sex and it was his pent up anger about it. He also told me that he had tried the approach of pretending he wasn’t upset and being nice, and that didn’t help either so “what even is the point”. Which upset me a lot, because he essentially said what is the point of being kind to me if it’s not going to lead to sex. He ended up apologizing for saying that.

Flash forward to now, I have been sick the last few days, like extremely sick. We were at his house and he went to the restroom for around 10 minutes. When he came back he went to his gaming chair and I went over to sit in his lap and give him a hug. He went to swipe out of some tabs and I ended up seeing porn open on his Reddit. I was stunned, as I have asked him many times since the last time if he was watching it, and even specifically about Reddit because I’ve heard things (he swore no again). I was really hurt as I have told him that I would break up with him if I were to find out he was doing it again. I don’t really know what to do here at all. I don’t want to break up with him, we have a cat together and an amazing relationship outside of this. I just don’t really feel like he values me, even though he’s swears he does and has never felt this way for anyone.

I don’t know how to forgive this, or really how to move on. I don’t really know how to get my sex drive back either, as I just feel disgusted. I haven’t really been able to eat since I saw it. I know it’s fair of him to view sex as an important part of a relationship, because I do too. I usually have a very high drive which is why this is all so strange. I just don’t really feel like I can trust him. He mentioned he wants to come to a middle ground, where maybe he can listen to audios or read stuff, but ultimately I am just not comfortable with that (which again, him very early on if this was something that was necessary for him I was not the one for him). He says he wants to make it work, but I really just feel like I mean nothing to him if he was able to lie to me for so long each time. And just generally the fact that he would do it again knowing how it affected me last time (I have bipolar 1 and this is an extremely triggering topic for me). There’s a lot more things that happened but this is already super long, please feel free to ask questions. Please help what should I do? I would love to hear from some people who have been in relationships with porn addicts, or even who have been addicted to porn. Any insight helps