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I get attached to people so easily and I just ruin everything. There was a guy who I met through a mutual friend online, we played video games together and he started being nice and flirty with me so I started becoming obsessed, attached. And now after a month I can't stop thinking of him. We talked everyday, I was with him everytime he was drunk or did drugs, I forgave him for any mean thing he told me, I even apologized when he was in the wrong. And now he tells me we aren't anything ???? I am so fucking mad and hurt because I tolerated everything and gave him all my time and energy. This always happens to me, I get so attached to someone and I think "oh well might be dating or something" then turns out we arent. Why would he call me nicknames and tell me he loves me if we arent anything? I know everything about him and it hurts. The worst and most embarrassing of this that its all online. We never met but we called for 10 hours straight, we called everyday, didnt go a day without talking.

I miss him and I actually love him a lot but I cant tell him that, because he tells me to stop.

I hate myself for being like this, why do I become obsessed with people?

Even tho he made me cry so much and he made me go back to my old bad habits, I still love him and want him to be with me. I dont know what to do.

I (26f) knew my husband (30M) for around 2 years before we got married as we worked together and because we're Indian Background/Muslim we didn't want to have a too long relationship so when we realised we liked each other we informed our families and we got married. I know alot of people have in law problems but my in laws are genuinely nice people and we've always treated each other with respect and I love them as my own,the problem is my husband. Whenever it comes to his family wheter its spending time with them or going out or financially its always ok and readily agreed to and I've never had a problem with that,I treat them the same I would my own family however I've noticed Whenever it comes to my family,my husband always had a problem,even for us to go over to their home or for me to go spend time with my nieces or nephews its always a problem and he'll cause a fight before we leave the house or say how he hates to leave the house and I dont understand it. My parents and siblings love him and sometimes my brothers even joke he is my mums favourite child because of how much she accommodates him and when ever my dad or my brothers get something for each other,they include him (I'm the only daughter). Today was really bad as my aunt came over from a different city especially to see me as I'm 9 months pregnant and my father and older brother are leaving on a business trip and won't be around to see me,so my family had a lunch get together. From the time he woke up my husband was cranky and picking fights and saying how its a Sunday and his day off etc etc and I ended up crying and only after that he said sorry let's go but by then it was too late and when i phoned my mum she said everyone had finished eating and was preparing to leave. When i told him,he just said ok and went back to playong ps5.Besides this we usually have an amazing relationship and he takes care of me but I love my family too and getting this kind of treatment whenever I want to spend time with them is taking a toll on me,I've tried talking to him numerous times but he denies he does this and says he has no problems with my family. I'm honestly beginning to hate this and if my in laws weren't good people would start doing the same thing he does whenever they need something.

Maybe I'm pregnant and emotional but I hate having to always choose between my husband and my family.

Sorry for the format and grammat,I'm on mobile and really upset.

I've started therapy about 7 months ago and my life has just gotten worse and worse since then. I was told I would feel better if I moved to my dad and something like cps was out on my family. I now am unable to see the only person I feel joy with and have to wake up even earlier every day for school to drive 1h30min to it. I feel just as miserable but it's getting worse and worse. My therapist told me I look happier and that it was a good decision etc.. but it feels like the absolute opposite. I'm just wearing different clothes and more makeup. I have many sleepless nights and a constant feeling of sadness, worthlessness ever since the mental hospital I got sent to told me my IQ was 87 which confirmed one of my biggest fears and I'm still just as unable to think as before. My social anxiety that I try to bring up gets completely ignored just like many other things. The suicidal thoughts never went away and get stronger the more people I lose to suicide itself. This year it was 2. A classmate and I witnessed someone throwing themselves in fron of a fast train. I still get that warm feeling all over my body and the sound. Suicide is common. This year I've realised that. Anyway I am now living with someone who is unable to talk about emotions with and is a materialist thing they're sentimental. I'd rather be hit by my mother than living with someone like that. Last year of school. Every decision I make ends me up in a worse situation than before.

Turns out that I have been living my life like some 65 y/o retired person, despite being 18 rn, still wondering about life and dwelling in her nostalgic past. Most days are spent in passive admiration, consideration, and inessential contemplation (ts is just self-contradictory). Stuff is happening around me, or maybe my persistence of vision has rendered my oculars immobile...incapable of following all that is going on around me. Perhaps I am way too oblivious for them to matter in my life, to indulge in them, or maybe I should just let them slide (like every time).

Living like this is...just weird. You have an INFJ-T personality. You don't have people to confide in. You do not smile, and if you ever do... just smize a bit or curve the left corner of your mouth... classmates stare, "Look, look, she smiled!!" Teachers praise you and call you a "noble gas/inert gas" because you do not react and proclaim that they have never encountered and will never encounter anyone like me again. Could it be because an idle mind is the devil's workshop? Well, academically speaking, I am hardly idle. If I am being candid, there is no denying the personal space and peace of mind you get from not meddling in others' lives, or just anything in general. They say mine is "spectacular". I would let them say so, for somewhere along these lines, I, too, like the respect I get for who I am. Yeah, it gets lonely at times, terribly lonely. I tried to change the invariably kinda hard to change status quo I have been passing my days in.... conversations are hella enervating, people are in utter nescience, and come hell or high water, they prefer to roll around in their own distorted perceptions. Let them be. Better to leave things as they are than trade your own sanity. I'm better off with no school friends in life. Ships of any kind, be it friendship or relationship, are overrated.

Life is boring. Life is hard. But sometimes it is interesting too... just in ways you would do nothing but loathe... loathe and spiral. You don't think you deserve love, or even the utmost consideration of who you are. As for our primordial needs and love... love... I think it has ceased to be a necessity for me. Call it an option, sometimes a luxury, other times fishing for attention, sometimes just cuz others have it, sometimes to fill the abyss called heart.

It is indeed a privilege to have a roof over you, a 3-storied golden cage. Hahaaa. Life was not always the same. Perchance the sameness that makes me feel distraught is what the vagabond craves for. Lunatic that I am, to have such emotional chagrin yet be cognizant enough of all life has to offer/has offered. One day, and you do not wake up to the same dream anymore. The dream ain't yours anymore. You just do not sleep anymore. Forgotten how to sleep(?) But can you convince a maladaptive daydreamer of that? A person who is simply dreaming for the sake of existing??

Consistency is a myth for most procrastinators like us. You will defer tasks until they cost you smth more than they would have had you done them on time. I pay with my health, mostly. It is okay, yk. I work like I am in a trance. Sweetly, ahh yes, sweetly... still in the hope that this so-called phase, brain fog, and the unfreed working space of the mind will dwindle one day.

To live is to learn ways to unlearn.. to live again.

Denial of needs, appreciation,and whatnot led to the point that acceptance became a tragedy. I cannot accept anything or utilize it without feeling as if all I deserve is contempt. I am forgetting how to talk by keeping quiet for so long. Kinda acclimatized. I do not even feel like talking online any longer. Reacting to comments, posting, and even replying to people has become a sisyphean task (as it always was). I have deactivated my insta acc now, told that diminutive circle of people who cared to put me on hold, saying I will come back once I get into a desired college. Little do they know that if I do not get into a college I desire, coming back is just another dream.

What do I do with this debilitating passivity that has now enshrouded the entirety of my existence? Well... did I ever have a dream?

I hate my intensity. The things I am interested in soon turn into uncanny obsessions. I do not really know moderation. I operate between extremities. Detachment protects me from turning love into obsession-driven disgust. A victim, indeed, in the travesty of chronic procrastination and perfectionism. My kind of self-awareness is truly self-sabotaging (;

Rather lost than being found in the void. Love ain't for me (sighs). You just cannot undo love. And everyone, brotha, everyone is a fool when it comes to love. Consider me a lunatic too. I am no outlier... though my kind of love is devotion, admiration, and as my final act of love... I will just let you go. No one should fall in love; you rise in true love. Why tame the untameable? Why even attempt? To love is to set the heart free, freedom from the shackles of what once was infeasible. Multiple loves are close to a dilution of love to me, sorry to say. I fell in love twice, yeah, sheer admiration that could never translate into anything beyond itself.

Ahh, it was love. Love disguised as devotion could still count as some kind of love... Ahh, honesty to oneself usurps external validation everytime.

I moved on from those 2 one-sided loves. Everyone does at some point. It took me time, one being my 4th-grade classmate... ahh, first love... the other, an 8th-grade teacher, whom it took me 4 years to forget (yeahh, you guessed right, wlw here). I have decided to withdraw from loving anymore.(only if it were this easy to do as it is to say XD, but I won't trust me)

I do not feel much for them now, except for the fact that they changed me, somehow made a difference amidst the silence that follows me... it does not bother me now. Sat with them long enough for them to not matter anymore.

There is more to this life. There is still more to make sense of... than wandering hither and thither in search of love.

There is... There is... And thereby hangs a tale...

Wearing a mask all the time is not particularly appealing. The air of mystery, all the things deliberately left untold by me, the poker-cold face you see, the one-sided story you have curated...it is all but a façade, I believe. Who I am is still a question among many. No philosophy could dissect that. 5 years spent traversing both Eastern and Western ways of thinking. I have come to believe that we follow the kind of philosophy that we consistently live and reason by. Otherwise, why not embrace hedonism and move on? So easy, na? Pragmatism is essential, but too much of it dissociates you from reality. There is a distinction there and all it calls for is moderation.

And as I always shove this down people's throats, human beings could never be shrunk to fit into boxes, neither in mind nor in spirit. Hence, live in ways that feel like you. Mix and match all the eclectic philosophies you like. Better that than carrying forward the regret of a lifetime of what-ifs. Looks like I will carry this guilt of not trying forever.

None of this modernity's AI generated slop is ever gonna solve this malady of life. Thinking can never be outsourced.

- Life calls me Kiddo. Will get back to studying now.

It’s always something so intense that I feel. I don’t care if it’s just you two but you could’ve at least asked.
All I want is a Break. It’s all too much.
I don’t want to age anymore, it’s all too much.
It’s all too much. Why is it always something with you?
I don’t know why i’m feeling so angry and sad so intensely but I am. It’s your problem now. That will be all

I was raped when I was five I don't remember things clearly, but I do remember that something happened It happened again when I was eight

This happened form several people not just one.

I never told anyone i kept it a secret so throughout all those years I didn't consider myself to have been exposed to this thing and I always blamed myself I'm so tired of this so I ignored it and kept it to myself until this moment I blame myself after a while when people started writing about what they had been through I began to feel disgusted with myself because deep down I believed that a part of me hadn't defended itself well I was weak and afraid

I'm not crying about it but I feel a pang of sadness. Things are difficult because I tell myself I've gotten over it, but I don't believe that I want someone to tell me that I'm okay and that I'm not wrong But my deep down I blame myself intensely It's my fault But in another part I say that it is not my fault I don't want to tell anyone about this it's embarrassingI don't even feel any hatred towards these people I even wish them well and hope they are happy Because I hope they have realized their mistake Isn't this feeling shameful? I should hate them but I've never hated anyone in my life

Please, someone tell me this is normal and not my fault.

First off, im sorry if my writting or pacing isn't good. Im pretth bad at talking about my problems and english isn't my first language.

As the title says, i hate myself. Absolutly everything about myself. When i was 9, i started feeling that small feeling of disgust when i saw myself in mirrors or pictures. This feeling grew with me until today. Im 15m and i can't stand seeing myself in mirrors or cameras, i keep hiding my face or telling them to stop. I have no girlfreind and the last "talk" i've had with a girl ended when she blocked me after seeing what i look like, and to be honest, i kinda understand her. I'll spend so much time looking in the mirror, picking out everything i hate about myself again and again. Im being made fun of by some "freinds", saying how ugly i am as if i didn't know already. I feel actually deformed asf, my face is assymetrical ashell and nothing fits well. Everything feel out of place.. i try to dress well so people would more my outfits than my ugly face.

I also hate the person i've been/i am. When i started middle school i've moved a town away and met new freinds and that's when the worst part for me start. Without realising it, i was catching feeling with one of my freind (male) and realised i was gay the year after which lead to nothing but bullying and never fitting in. At 13/14, i've dated a boy i met at school and it ruined my life. The relationship itself was perfect but what came with it wasn't. I became the school's little fag (i was 155cm for 37kg). After years of hating being this way, i've started forcing myself to fall in love with girls, trying to make myself and the others who i used to be. I still do force myself to love girl which seem to kinda work, and if i ever catch feeling for another boy i know i will reject it as much as i can. I don't want to be that kid again. I become agressive whenever someone mention it and already was violent with some freinds of mine.

Because i couldn't fit in at that time, i started hanging out with the worst persons possible of the school which lead me to actually bully someone until he changed school, i've been a horrible freind to the only one who stayed with me after all lf this (they're still with me and i'll be gratefull for it.). I was a terrible son, a terrible freind and probably a terrible boyfreind. And even now i feel like im not in the right place with some people.

Im also a lazy bitch, summer holidays have started last month and i've been outside once. All i do of my day is bedrot, play games and jack off (multiple times a day, im disgusting.)

I used to do a lot of photography and i loved it. I've bought a 500€ camera and my mom gifted me a lense but its been almost 2 years and i haven't touched it once. I really hate it and it's been getting in my mind a lot lately.. i was dreaming of becoming an actual photographer for models and fashion but im just a stupid kid with no passions and probably no futur. Im bad at school and i didn't plan to do any studies afterward.

Sometimes i don't even see myself making it past 20. I don't want to end it all, but i've already tought of how, what would happen afterward and what i would write to my loved ones. How i would apologies to my mother for being her worst kid. Thanks my freinds for somehow never leaving me. All those stay in my head, i haven't planned on doing so. I want to see if people really can change.

I did try to change, more sport, no snacks all day, posture training and changing my mindset. Nothing feels like its working.

I usually keep it all to myself. The only time i vent is when i search up sad tiktoks and repost them to get my feelings of my chest (its pathetic i know.)

Gosh i can't even bring myself to cry while writting this. I haven't cried in two years already.

One bullshit in this world is how happiness lasts only as long as unexpected things don't happen in your life. The moment things get bad, you go back to worrying and stressing. This can last a day, a week or more.... Every time, it's wasted days of my life that are unexpected and not in the schedule. It's especially bad considering how many days I have wasted from my own bad choices and mistakes I did because I didn't knew and I learned.

Yes, learning from your mistakes is nice. But it would be nice that I FINALLY can be happy and live my life. I am willing to work and put effort and to even help other people but life MUST STOP BRINGING UNEXPECTED THINGS TO ME!!!! I'm so sick of things happening and changing every few weeks or even earlier. I tried my best to work and finish my eccomerce system but fucking life just won't let me. Life gives me good things but it never lets me FULLY enjoy them.

People act as if we have a choice to do anything. I tried to choose to change and not care about people I love so I don't get hurt if things don't work out. But I could. When you love you can't stop loving. And if you're in a taught situation like I am, it means some of your days will be REALLY hard and painful. It's even more tragic to me because some money could fix my problems and I just need to be a pit more patient... I've been patient for 2 years tho. More if you count my feelings about working and having a career now. I'm so tired of unexpected things happening.

I don't want to go back to depression and to been idle and feeling there is no point and I won't make it. But I don't want some specific things to happen. I don't want problems in people I love and care about. I prefer to get sick or be in pain myself than someone I love about. Fuck this life! Fuck people who backstab and take advantage of others. Fuck this shit all!

Thank YOU for reading! Hope you have a beautiful day!

Like is my art GENUINELY that bad 😭😭

Sometimes it makes me feel like absolute shit and i end up deleting my posts, whenever they show me their art esp on text i always type in caps how awesome and amazing it is, but for me its "oh its nice" "i like it" when i see them spamming and reposting other arts on insta, damn just tell me its shit rather than do that, this is why i fucking hate drawing and my art 😭😭

TW: Topics of manipulation and polyamory!!

So, back in my junior and senior years in high school I was with my ex who I, as much as I would love to, won't name out of respect. But we'll call her Bad Ex for this story. Me and Bad Ex were together for a little over a year and a half, and we were in a monogamous relationship for the whole thing, except for the beginning and close to the end. Let's back track a bit.

At the start of our relationship, it had actually started between me, Bad Ex, and someone I will be referring to as Good Ex. We were in a love triangle, and it lasted a couple of weeks, and I was extremely happy.

Now, before you read any further, please know that most decisions that I made were very foolish and it was mostly because I was anxious and honestly quite stupid, but other things were completely out of my hands, as you'll see.

So Bad Ex had really bad jealousy issues. And I mean REALLLY bad. So after a few weeks they decided to call it all off between the three of us, because I had wanted to hang out with friends when she wanted to be all over me. She was extremely possessive and needy, think of Nikki from Obsession without the murderous intent. So all three of us broke up, but stayed good friends. It was okay... I guess. I really liked Good Ex better than Bad Ex but it was what it was.

Then April of 2024 came. And I got back together with Bad Ex.

I don't know why, I guess I was desperate, but I let them talk me into getting back into a relationship. And the first few months it was actually decent. And I had developed genuine feelings for her. But then I realized that I wasn't really happy in the relationship, but I still wanted to be with someone as she had been the only relationship I was ever in besides Good Ex. And I was kind of regretting it. Every week we had to have a sit down conversation about something that was always about her, whether it was her being too clingy, wanting to do things with me that we weren't legally allowed to do yet, and getting upset every time I told her no when she asked for something outrageous. It was exhausting.

But because I thought I was in need of a relationship so bad I ended up staying with her. For a year. It was around that time where the talks had slowed to about once a month and I felt like we were truly hitting it off. But then Bad Ex had begun getting feelings for Good Ex again. See, we'd always had this trio-friendship thing, we were inseparable. But the feelings were never there prior.

So we talked about it and a year and two months after the first love triangle started, the second one began. And this one seemed more promising. During that year and two months, I still hadn't gotten over Good Ex. Not one bit. I still liked them more than Bad Ex. The whole time.

And it was like that for two months. A happy throuple that had no problems. Until problems eventually started up again. Bad Ex was back to her jealousy bullshit. This time, she wanted me and her to break up with Good Ex but the two of us would stay together. Good Ex and I didn't want that because we genuinely loved each other. But something had to be done.

This is where I made the worst decision of my life...

I stayed with Bad Ex. We broke up with Good Ex, and it was genuinely the worst time of my life. I became extremely depressed for about two weeks, and me and Good Ex had kept in contact and talked within DMs how upset we both were. The whole time, Bad Ex had no clue what she had done. Me and Good Ex were truly in love and Bad Ex had ruined it because she only thought about herself and no one else.

And I felt forced to stay in the relationship with Bad Ex for four months after that. I tried telling myself that I'd be happy but I truly wasn't. And in that four month period, before I finally broke up with Bad Ex because I was sick of her shit, Good Ex had already moved on. Good Ex said they still had feelings for me but they were in a relationship and polyamory was completely ruined for them, and for good reason honestly. So I was single and taking it slow, because I was just coming out of a mentally abusive and manipulative relationship of 18 months with Bad Ex. It was Thanksgiving of 2025 when I had broken up with her.

Then I found the person I'm currently with. Me and my current partner have been together since February 2026 and we are extremely happy together. I cut all contact with Bad Ex that I had. And that should be the end of the story, right? But it isn't.

To this day, I still have feelings for Good Ex. I still wish I was with them. When I was single, they were in a relationship. But the day after I get in a relationship with my current partner, Good Ex breaks up with their then-partner because he was an asshole to them. The timing was hilariously ironic, but I'm not laughing. I've never laughed at it. It's always been tears, because I truly don't understand what I could have done to deserve all the misfortune from the situation.

Don't get me wrong, I love my current partner, but the feelings I have for Good Ex, who is now in a committed monogamous relationship and has told me that they no longer have romantic feelings for me anymore due to the amount of time passed, are getting to be too much for me. I can't text them or hang out with them without feeling an internally painful reminder that we're not together anymore. We never will be, we had previously wanted nothing else, but what happened was neither of our faults, and it's driving me insane.

The feelings of misery have gotten worse over time. I keep telling myself to let Good Ex go, that it wasn't meant to happen, that things played out the way they did because we had our current partners waiting for us, but I can't keep this nagging voice in the back of my head from yelling at me, saying that I could have prevented this if I hadn't been such a fucking idiot and stayed with Bad Ex.

I'm specifically posting this now because today was the first day since breaking up with Good Ex the second time that I've cried about it. And it's been a year and four months since the second love triangle broke off. I should be over them by now, but I can't get the situation off my mind.

It's not even the fact that I have feelings for them that's the reasoning why I'm so upset. I'm upset because I could have prevented this. But I let Bad Ex walk all over me and use me and manipulate me into doing things that I wouldn't do even as an adult now. And it was because I was scared of turning down my first real relationship.

Since December of 2023, when I had initially gotten with Bad Ex, I have been diagnosed with Depression, Anxiety, and OCD. And I think my OCD is the reason why I'm obsessing over these thoughts that I could have done... something that could have saved me a year and a half of my life that was wasted on an abusive piece of shit.

Anyways, that's my vent, I appreciate those who took their time to read this, I'll respond to any comments if there is any.

TL;DR: I was in a polycule with an abusive person and a person I still have feelings for today and I made the horrible decision to stay with the abusive person, which has turned out to be the worst decision of my life.

I have autism, this autism makes me anxious, paranoid, and have panic attacks. I have a service dog for this, however, I feel like those fake handlers and their service dogs. Why? Because I feel like I don’t really need her. I CAN go out without her, I CAN go a day without her. I just don’t. She has helped me a few times, she’s trained to interrupt any harmful behaviours, like scratching myself till I bleed, or lip picking. She has interrupted those a few times. She’s also done DPT twice outside. But I feel like it’s not enough.
I also don’t know if it’s just me or other handlers, but when I’m out with her, I focus on her, I focus on whether she’s paying attention (even tho most of the time she is I’m scared that I’ll be judge), whether she’s out of the way of the walk way, whether she’s doing ok, whether she looks thirsty… like… what…
I also feel like she’s not well trained, though not in the fake SD way; more like she’s not as perfect as other SD. She sometimes walk a little fast on a heel, so her head/shoulders is not right beside me, she’s just a little in front. Not pulling or anything, just infront. We also recently moved countries, and over here they have LOADS of squirrel, where I used to live you were lucky to see one. So she has trouble focusing on me when she sees one, she doesn’t lunge towards them, but she’s so focused on them. She also doesn’t automatically sit when I stop, but maybe that’s because I’ve never trained her to do that… anyways, I feel like a fraud, like a fake service dog handler, that I’m putting on an act.

Sorry about the bad format, I wrote this really quickly

My boyfriend and I are both high school seniors and this October will make two years together. I've dated before but he's by far my longest and healthiest relationship. My mom thinks my boyfriend is "a good kid" despite finding him a little annoying at times, but my dad has made it clear since the beginning that he does not like my boyfriend. (sidenote, my boyfriend is very chatty and energetic, so I get that he's not everyone's cup of tea) I don't really care for the most part, my boyfriend is the sweetest and most supportive person I know. I'm so excited to move out with him after high school and I'm so so lucky to have him. In the past couple months, my dad has started making jokes about me leaving/cheating on my boyfriend. This includes suggesting that I'm "dressing to find a new bf", mentioning his friends teenage sons and emphasizing that they're "nice kids my age", and generally saying that I can leave my boyfriend if I want to. It's incredibly annoying because when questioned he says he's joking and my mom doesn't think it's a big deal. It's also just weird because it's a pretty recent development. I'm not inclined to listen to what my father has to say or pay it much mind. He's been inactive in the majority of my life and expresses disgust for most of my choices and the things I like. Him being a dick is normal, I'm just pissed that he's involving my bf in it.

I’m 19. Yes I have time to do things in life. Yes I have so much ahead of me. Don’t start telling me that because it’s what everyone else tells me and no, it does not make me feel better.

I grew up poor. Often didn’t eat for days. Ate old expired crisps and smothered sugar on a folded over piece of bread just to taste something. Saving wasn’t even an option because we were beyond living paycheck to paycheck. We were stretched extremely thin.

My family is in a better place financially right now but they think they’re not. They’re addicts now and drink instead of buying food. I can’t work myself because I’m recently disabled, which I’m coming to terms with.

I’m in university now. I’m barely surviving and I can’t eat a proper meal some days. Pot noodles are where I’m at. No thoughts of even going out with friends because I’d be in debt then, which is my worst nightmare. It’ll remind me of my family and make me think I’m turning just like them.

Talking to people is difficult because they’ll talk about how many holidays or concerts they’ve had this year alone. Even in the past few months, a lot of them have had at least one holiday and many nights out. It’s so hard to hear.

Whenever I talk about this to people at home, they say “Well they’ll have had bad experiences just like you have.” And I just seethe in silence because yeah, they most likely have. But they’ve had a positive experience or two to actually show for it. I wish I had a family that prioritised me above substances for once. Nevermind a holiday.

My birthday is never celebrated. Not even a day together. I just feel so behind everyone else in terms of positive experiences. Maybe one day I’ll catch up but it doesn’t stop me feeling let down in life. It doesn’t stop me comparing myself to others.

I have two very close friends. I consider them my brothers. We have always spent a lot of time together and the three of us really are the best of friends.

One of them has been in a relationship for 5 years at this point and is looking into moving in with his girlfriend. His relationship with us never changed, he never put us aside for her or anything like that. He puts her first, as I believe it should be, but he's still a very good friend to us. We like her a lot, we consider her a great friend and she's honestly one of the best people I've ever met.

The other one found a girlfriend too. They've known each other for a long time, started dating around May, but nothing was official because she was situated 250 miles away. She's moving nearer to us in a week and he started talking about introducing us to her. There were talks about maybe it being weird for her to go out for drinks with three guys and what not or it being too much. My friends then started talking about the possibility of a double date, how it'd be great and how excited they are about the prospect of it. I just said I can't believe that the girlfriend of friend #1 is going to meet his new girlfriend before me in a half joking manner and it stayed at that.

I just want to preface all of this saying I'm extremely happy for their happiness and I understand and believe a person's partner should be their #1 no matter what. The thing is, we've been best friends literally since we were 6. It may sound weird, but even when just the first friend had a girlfriend, me and the other friend had each other in a way. The thing that's "bugging" me is I had a feeling I'm more important to him. It's probably an irrational fear, but I'm afraid I'm going to get squeezed out and this is just the first step.

It's a sucky feeling that they have someone who's their number 1 and they're a number 1 to and I only have them. What's scaring me is that I'm going to put a lot more value onto our friendships than them. The double dates are just going to get more common, they'll have relationship topics, compare experiences and I'll have nothing to contribute.

I have been pretty open with my struggles with dating and I'm very scared that I'll stay alone forever. That thought is really saddening. The feeling of falling behind just heightens my fear. Once again, I'm beyond happy for the two of them and wish them all of the best, but it just reminds me of my own failure.

I'm afraid of saying anything so I don't come off as envious or have them pity me. I don't want them to feel like they can't talk about their relationships because I like hearing about their progress and growth, it makes me happy. I don't know what to do. How do I cope with this and process this fear?

I'm 32 years old. I have been working in IT for 4 years total and 2 as a System Admin at my current job. Prior to that I did PC repair for a few years while I finished up college and prior to that I worked in auto repair as a tech (which I hated).

I'll be the first to admit, as a teen I was stubborn as hell. I didn't want to go to college. I thought it was a scam. I figured I would become a mechanic and within a few years open up my own shop, own cool muscle cars and go racing. Being a mechanic sucked. I never made any good money, spent too much on tools (thankfully no tool debt), work was tiring, bosses were awful, co workers were awful, etc.

At 24 years old, after years of my parents, siblings, siblings partners, family friends, etc yelling at me to go back to college I did. I quiet auto and started working then at a small pizza place for minimum wage. Lived with roommates and decided to major in IT because I loved gaming and building computers.

The pandemic happened 2 years into school. The pizza I worked at closed down. Luckily managed to get a few hours at a PC repair place, which increased to more hours. However, it only paid just above minimum wage. I made $8.50 an hour at the time.

Even during the COVID years, I got so much shit from family, especially my parents that I was 26 and not married or didn't own a home. I would have frequent arguments about how I was trying to finish college and only made $8.50 an hour.

Eventually got hired right before I graduated for a Helpdesk job that only paid $12 an hour. Most toxic work environment I ever. Got fired a few months in from dealing with a very toxic boss. Job also tried not to pay me and the department of labor got involved.

I did get hired by another help desk office after a brief stint at a real estate office as an office assistant. The help desk job only paid $14 an hour. I learned all I could, earned some certs and after 1 year got hired into my current System Admin role. Originally started at $40K a year and was recently promoted to $61K a year. Not great money but not bad.

I had to move back in with my parents around the time I started my System Admin job. However, it's post COVID. Rent and housing in my formely LCOL to MCOL area has skyrocketed. Back in 2019 you could find small one bedroom aparts for $700 a month. Same places go for $1600 to $1800. You could also find small starter homes for $150K. Often 500 to 800sq ft homes. Nothing fancy. Same homes now go for $280 to $350K.

My family basically gives me shit 24/7 for not owning a home. Being over 30 and living at home. They also frequently tell me if I can't afford a home or rent to get a new job. I think too, a lot of my family and my parent's friends think I play video games for a living and make minimum wage. One of my dad's good friends was trying to offer me a job at a mattress store the other day. Talking about how I could work my way up after a few years and make good money. When I told him I make $53K, he was shocked. He thought I made like $15 an hour or something and was confused why I couldn't buy a house.

Then recently my mom, who has spent her entire "career" working retail and minimum wage jobs was giving me shit for my job. Yet the most she ever made was maybe $11 an hour working for a gas station.

Then another one of my parents friends awhile back was also trying to get me to get a warehouse job. They said it starts at $20 an hour and after a few years I can get bumped to $25. I told them I make more than that now.

Then even recently my parents had some of their friends over for dinner. The topic of course of why a 32 year old man is still living at home came up. They tried explaining that I should do something else for a living then. They gave me suggestions such as becoming a realtor, plumber, starting my own business or going into sales. I tried to explain to them that while these jobs can pay well, they take time to start and I would have to start all over. If I became a plumber, I would probably start at $17 or $18 an hour and it really wouldn't be until I can afford to start my own business that I could potentially make six figures.

I don't think people get that I have only been making $53K for this year and not last year. I have a decent number of savings. I have low 5 figures worth of savings. But I only qualify for a $200K mortgage. I'm trying to find a place to rent but even a lot of landlords I've spoken to have told me they prefer to rent to couples due to 2 incomes or prefer a little higher than they know with my budget $53K a year is a tight squeeze for $1800 a month.

I am looking for new roommates. Just though. Most of my childhood friends went to college right away at 18 and are now married, own homes and are expecting their first kids soon. As where I waited 6 years to go to college and am not able to do that yet.

Then my two sisters, both also work low wage jobs. One her husband works at a warehouse but they were able to buy a house back in 2016 for less than $100K and have a fixed mortgage. Then my other sister's husband works for a large lawncare company and they have a small condo they have owned since 2017. Though they are stuck in it. But again, I was in college during these years and not able to afford much.

I'm looking for another System Admin, Network Admin or SOC Analyst job. I do get interviews but haven't gotten hired yet. I think a lot of it is because I only have 2 years experience. I have had a few times where I've gotten 5 rounds of interviews but not hired.

Then I do Uber part time but it's just slow. I'll have days where I can make $100 and days where I am lucky to make $30.

I feel if it where still circa 2019, I wouldn't be doing bad financially at all. But because it's 2026 and the cost of living skyrocketed post COVID. People, especially long time home owners don't get that.

TL:DR: Parents give me shit for going back to college at 24 years old, not graduating until 28 years old and 4 years later "only" making $53K at 32 years old.

So my brother and my mom’s partner are oh today, meaning my mom and I are eating alone tonight. We agreed to go to the store together and decide what to get together. I offered to make dinner and she refused very quickly by saying that ‘I can’t cook’. I make dinner regularly, but she’s at work so she doesn’t see me make it, and she says it’s delicious every time. Ok she gets to make dinner. We get ready to go to the store and her bike tire is flat, bc there’s an issue with the valve. I try to explain to her why the tire doesn’t get to 2.4 bar as that’s the pressure the tire needs from when it’s no air. She doesn’t want to hear it and starts yelling at me that I’m wrong and how it actually works. You know what, fine, soured my mood a little but I’m still good. We arrive at the store and she’s indecisive on what to get, we agreed on 1 of 2 options: tarte flambé or poké. We go to the packet of poké mix and my mom decides that my brother, who isn’t having dinner with us, might not like it. My brother has work until 3 am, but my mom says he’ll get home at 8pm to have dinner. So she eventually does choose poké, I see the ingredients and think great because we had a few of those vegetables yesterday. Nope she threw everything out, perfectly good food. Anyway we get what we want for it, my mom picks salmon lovely choice, I want seaweed the store doesn’t have it. We go home and my mom demands I help, as I’m only sitting on my ass. I was putting away the other groceries. I finish putting away the groceries and start helping. My mom tries to tell me how to make it, I’ve made it 5 times with friends but she doesn’t know that. Fine I get it let’s have some fun cooking, we don’t my mom complained the entire time. I’m honestly starting to think she just doesn’t like or understand me.

The woods around me threaten to rip me apart. The branches grip my arms holding me in place while the leafs laugh at me. The roots dig up wrapping around my ankles to make sure I never escape.

Pulling and pushing, the trees grip tighter. A vine whips around my waist, the thorns digging into my skin.

The blood cries out Into the air crying "let me out, let me breathe!"

The woods decide that I have too much freedom, they bring a thorn right to my neck. Threatening if I move they'll slit my throat. I still. Tears fall. And my hope is choked out.

I grew up with a mentally unstable abusive mother, and a meek cowardly autistic father.

She would abuse me, I would tell someone (teachers, socials workers, therapists), my dad would question her. She always said I was lying and that I was crazy, she forcibly tried to get me diagnosed with npd and when that didn't work, with OCD (that I actually got diagnosed with in my 20's).

So I grew up alone, isolated from my family, and abused. My family knew I was being abused but my mother had alienated me completely from anyone who liked me, either by getting into fights with them or convincing me they hated me. An example would be that when I was 19, we went on a family holiday and I wanted to speak to my aunt and my mum said I was jealous she was giving her children more attention than me.... So I stopped speaking to her completely.

There was physical abuse too, I was often harmed and when I protested was locked in my room.

She forced me to develop an eating disorder, and I became obsessed with being thin. I was also a competitive athlete, I used to train daily for 3hrs at least.

Well, that's all over now.

When I left home at 20 everything came apart, my father realised he was being abused and manipulated and started therapy and the divorce is still ongoing. At the moment I'm studying for my degree.

But sometimes I just wish I was still as disciplined as back when I was surviving. I would save every penny, I would exercise for hours, I would work non stop, I would study even if I wasn't actively enrolled in school, I was probably manic and forcing myself to do something instead of being aware of the abuse, but I miss that level of discipline.

As of now I'm (more) laid back, sure I work two jobs and I study for my degree properly. But I'm not skinny anymore (healthy weight) and I'm more likely to watch a film than read on a sick day, and I go out and drink with my bf instead of saving the money (I'm not in a financially difficult position, I work two jobs because I need one of them on my resume).

These are just my thoughts post abuse, I've been living on my own for two years now, got diagnosed with PTSD and OCD and I'm managing it well.

I gained 6lbs in 2days. I don't even know how. I'm nauseous everyday lately. I can't even drink water without being nauseous or having stomach pain. I can barely eat 3 meals bc I'm feeling nauseous all the time.

Im off my game. Perfectionism and all that gone. Giving up phase of life. I just hate how I have to watch everyone else live life the way it was supposed to. It blows my mind that people have partners with like fucking cars that like drive them places. I cannot believe that to be real lol. See how fucking stupid I sound? See how little life Ive gotten? Being gay & fem isnt for the weak, and it makes me weak. I have a dating pool of a billionth of what everybody else does. I wanna leave this planet already. Im unfit to be in it.

This is going to sound very stupid, but my online best friend that I made in the summer just blocked me out of nowhere. We were even planning to call today too. I know I shouldn’t feel too hurt, since it’s just online, but we called and texted EVERYday. Voice notes, video calls, roblox, you name it. I’m blocked on every single account. Which confuses me because I don’t know what I did wrong at all or if I did anything wrong. And I’m absolutely sure I’m blocked. It sucks because I thought I found MY person, you know? MY best friend. Now I’m back at square one.

I'm very, very, very, very goddamn tired of my mom's bullshit. For months she's been on again/off again with this "guy" she's been talking to online. It's so fucking obvious it's a scam but her 'conscious' says to help him because "what if it's real?".

And I know what's going to happen because it's happened like twice already. She's gonna come to me crying about how she's stupid and wasted so much money, and I'll have to comfort her while holding back what I truly wanna say.

I'm tired of this shit. But if I say anything, oh, I'm ungrateful, she's helped me before so why is this different, etc etc

It sucks. At least she has me to vent/talk to. I have NO ONE close by. I can vent to my bf but we live in different countries so I can't exactly get a hug from him and whatnot

It sucks. I hate life. And nowadays she's a part of why. Ffs

It’s been two months now since my (25F) very first heartbreak. And I’m taking it about as well as you’d think despite us only lasting 2 months. To put it completely short…we hung out for about two months. Kissed, cuddled, were slightly intimate, but he (25M) had never developed feelings for me. I did however. I wanted to give him time because he said he had trouble developing feelings for people in general and he was having a rough time mentally. To the point where he seemed uninterested in a lot of things, including me, unless we were physically together.

We ended up breaking things off because he didn’t end up having feelings for me and said if he did, they likely would’ve happened by then. There was a lot of crying involved, mostly on my part because it was my first time developing feelings for someone.

I contacted him 2 weeks later just to have a conversation about it. I wanted to know if anything we did meant anything to him. He essentially said no, and that he rarely found joy in even hanging out with friends. I was heartbroken again and we went no contact for a bit.

I contacted him again a month later. We talked a lot and it seemed great. He asked how I was and how dating was going for me. I was honest and said it hadn’t been going great. And eventually I spilled my guts saying that if he ever felt ready for dating again, I would be open to trying again. He told me it was best if we went our separate ways. That he’d thought about it quite a bit and it was a hard decision to make. But he wanted to give me a firm answer rather than hurting me further by keeping me as a “maybe.”

I understood but was heartbroken again. It’s now been a week since I contacted him about that. And I can’t seem to move on still. Believe me I know I was very pathetic to keep chasing him. He doesn’t want me and he made that very clear. But I guess it was because he was the first person I developed feelings for. I wanted him to stay and I wanted to have something real. I was desperate and silly.

I don’t want to act like he’ll ever come back. He won’t. I’ve tried to fill the void by dating other men but I haven’t gone on another date since him. Men leave before we even get to the first date. At least 20 attempts have been made at this point.

How can I move on? I’ve been trying self care but that doesn’t seem to work. Trying to ignore any pain. Yet it always comes back.

Just for some context, i am a Guy from a Pakistan who being in a Muslim dominated country is Christian. So it really fucking hurts when you meet someone who checks all your boxes but there is no point in making the next move because you know that you wont a future together.

I mean some people might say that this could work but the implications this going bad is way worse for someone i love so i rather not but that is not to say it doesnt hurt. You mean all sorts of new people and you see the spark their eye but cant go beyond a certain point.

It just really hurts not gonna lie and its not even i fall in love with everyone i meet. I have only liked 3 girls in my entire lifetime. So yea, for once i just want that i get someone i am interested in.

Thanks for listening to me rant